


Confessions of a Difficult Woman

by einfach_mich



Series: Confessions of a Difficult Woman [1]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2009-09-29
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-06 06:17:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 227,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/einfach_mich/pseuds/einfach_mich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leah Clearwater is not the kind of girl that goes for guys like Edward Cullen. In fact, she thinks he's an asshole and Edward's made it clear he hates her too. One drunken night changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Miscalculations and Happy Accidents

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Mskathy, Kimpy0464 and Jessypt for their collective beta services. I couldn't have done it without you guys.

Edward is that guy. You know, the one you just don't bother with, don't even consider. For starters, he's ridiculously good looking and he knows it. I swear, girls line up to impale themselves on his dick. To make it worse, he's really smart. Like to an annoying degree. Edward is a Trivial Pursuit master, which I suspect is due to him cheating. There's just no way anyone knows that much about micro-biology and old 70's sitcoms.

Smug fucker loves to show off, too. He's got an opinion on everything and has to share it, whether you're interested in hearing it or not. The topper is, he's a spoiled rich kid - a pair of his jeans cost more than my truck. Edward is the kind of guy that girls dream about.

Not me. Not even close. I'm not the kind of girl that ends up with guys like Edward Cullen.

All that aside, he's my ex's brother and he hates my guts. Not that he doesn't have a good reason to. I've been a twat to him, pretty much since we first met. Hey, some guys are just asking for it.

Emmett and I had been messing around for a few months, when he invited me over to his parents' place to party. I was still stupid horny for him and looked for any excuse to get on top of him. Visiting him meant confirmed sex for me, so I was there. He told me he had the run of the house while his parents were in Europe.

Sometimes it's just so bizarre to me that I even know the Cullens. I grew up in a double-wide trailer and they have a three-story five bedroom mansion. Emmett always teased me when I would get uncomfortable with the way they throw around money. By "uncomfortable," I mean bitchy. He thought it was cute, which just increased my bitchiness.

By the time I arrived at the Cullens, everyone was already pretty trashed. Jasper and Emmett were wrestling on the floor like a bunch of goons, and Alice was passed out in her room, which left me sitting with Edward. We were doing shots of Patron while he blathered on about Chinatown, his favorite movie, and his hero god, Roman Polanski.

I was drunk and annoyed that Emmett was more interested in putting his sister's boyfriend in a head lock than having sex with me, so I took it out on Edward. I made an off-hand comment about Polanski being a no-talent pedo, which pretty much shit on his happy fanboy parade. Whatever, it's not like he hasn't got a million brainless girls dying to agree with his atrocious taste in movies.

Alright, I'll admit that Chinatown is actually a really good movie, but it will forever be tainted for me. Being distraught over your wife's brutal murder is no excuse to fuck a minor. I don't care if you're the second coming to modern cinema. Edward was at least smart enough not to argue with me, he just picked up his drink and went to sit in front of the TV. He sulked like that for the rest of the night until he passed out.

Emmett and Jasper finally got bored with beating the shit out each other and we started cleaning up. I was really buzzed and still pissed about Edward giving me the cold shoulder, even if I deserved it. I'm a bitch, but I did have a point. He didn't need to get all fucking butt-hurt over it.

So, in my impaired state of mind, I thought it would be hilarious to give Edward an emo makeover. Of course Emmett was all for it and played interference with Jasper while it pulled out my makeup. When I finished, Emmett was laughing so hard he was bent over double, tears in his eyes. Even Jasper was smirking, though he warned me that he thought I went too far. I just shrugged and dragged Emmett up to his room. We woke up the next morning to the sound of Alice's hysterical laughter and Edward swearing loud enough to wake the dead. Emmett and I just looked at each other and laughed.

Ever since then, Edward had some kind of vendetta against me. He always had a smart-ass remark, or a thinly veiled insult tailor-made to piss me off and he always had to argue every point with me. I thought it would stop when Emmett and I broke up, but of course Alice had her hooks in me by then. It's like Jasper says, "Once you're a Cullen, even an honorary one, it's for life."

He was right, nothing slips by Alice. I still get dragged to family picnics, birthdays, and anniversary parties. She even arranged an elaborate surprise birthday party for me this year that I really could have lived without. I love Alice, but she takes this whole family inclusion thing a little too seriously sometimes.

At least Emmett and I had a good break-up, a first for me. We were really more like fuck buddies anyway. Most of our "dates" consisted of drinking, watching sports, and fucking, so who needs fancy titles like boyfriend/girlfriend? It was a blast while it lasted, but once he met Rose, it was over. Still, I love hanging out with the Cullens. They're a hilarious, crazy bunch. Even Sullen Cullen, as I liked to call Edward, can be good from a laugh or two.

So, with all this shit between us, the last place I thought I'd ever be was in the back of Edward's Volvo. Who the hell drives a fucking Volvo? It's my birthday, and I'm single, big fucking surprise. The Cullens, Alice specifically, were trying their best to cheer me up with a party. I decide to salve the pain of not having gotten any in an embarrassing long time by doing shots with Emmett and Rose. A disturbing amount of alcohol consumption later, I'm hanging off the bar as I try to convince them to take me home with them. Rose just laughs at me, bitch, and tells me I would hurt myself trying to keep up with them.

_Damn tease!_

After they leave, I move to sit next to Jasper and steal sips of his mint julep. He's the only straight man I know that drinks that shit.

"Leah, you need to ease up before you end up under the table." Jasper gives me a worried smile and bumps my shoulder with his. I smile. It's hard for me to ever be in a bad mood with that tall drink of Texas charm around. It's kind of spooky, when I think about it.

As the night wears on, Alice starts to look tired and gets this weird guilty look as she and Jasper announce they're heading out. She's doing that little hemming and hawing thing she does when she has bad news for me. I try to give her a pissy look, but I'm too drunk to raise my eyebrow properly. Jasper's behind her, looking like he's going to bust up laughing.

"Sspit it out Alish," I slur and realize I'm drunker than I thought I was, then I wonder if "drunker" is a real word. I start to giggle, cause it sounds funny in my head. Alice starts to talk again and I realize she's still there. _Whoopsie!_

"I rode with Jasper, on his bike," she gives me a weak smile as she holds up her pink Hello Kitty helmet.

I just nod, not understanding. She has a girl boner for Jaz's bike. I know this because she rides with him every chance she gets.

"So, I asked Edward to give you a ride home," she says in that high-pitched whine she gets when she's feeling guilty.

I think my eyes actually pop out of my skull, as I stand up to protest and nearly fall over. Strong hands grab hold of my shoulders, holding me steady, and I turn my head a little too fast. I'm suddenly face-to-face with Edward fucking Cullen. He's giving me that trademark smug ass grin of his and I'm doing my best to scowl at him.

"Sullen Cullen's my DD? I thought we were friends, Alice," I whine, and hate myself a little for it. Edward laughs and Alice starts to apologize more.

"Alice, just go and let me take care of the cry-cry girl," Edward says with a groan and a wave of his hand. Jasper drags Alice out of the bar, as she continues to apologize, and I'm left alone with the biggest asshole in the bar.

"So, you want a cup of coffee or a greasy burger with a Band-Aid in it?" he asks with a big ole' grin, wiping away every smart ass comment I was thinking up with that disgusting mental picture. I cover my mouth, fighting off the waves of nausea.

"Coffee it is." The fucker laughs as he waves at the waitress. Bastard knows my weakness, and shuts me up quick. I am so easily grossed out when I'm drunk. _Fuck!_

We sit here, while I sip my coffee and try to ignore the weird ass look he's giving me.

"How do you like twenty-five so far?" he asks, eye-balling me like he knows some joke that I don't.

As my head starts to clear slightly, I look at him a little closer and realize he's serious. I shrug and take a sip of my coffee as I think about the day. Dad called really fucking early to brag about Seth's grades and update me on all the Rez gossip. I got the day off from work, so Jake picked me up and treated me to dinner at our favorite Mexican place. Then, I got drunk for free off my favorite dysfunctional Brady Bunch.

"Not bad," I say, and he gives me that same look that I don't understand. He's so weird sometimes. I don't like regular conversation with Edward, it feels... odd. I prefer the cold, soulless asshole that I know and love to hate.

"With one exception." I give him a pissy look as I stand up and pull some crumpled bills out of my pocket to throw down. He grabs my hand, takes the money and slowly slides it into my pocket. My jeans are tight and they're these weird designer ones that Alice gave me. The pockets are right up front, on either side of the zipper. I feel Edward's hand graze over me, as he pulls his hand out of my pocket. I'm suddenly wet, and pissed the fuck off.

My shock and anger must be showing on my face, because the son of a bitch is smiling, like he knows he just touched my pussy.

"Don't insult me, Clearwater. I think I can manage to buy you a cup of coffee for your birthday," he says as he throws down his own money. He stretches his arms above his head and the motion pulls up his t-shirt, lifting the hem above the top of his jeans. The action catches my eye. There's a light smattering of dark hair just below his belly button, that continues down to disappear beneath the waistband of his jeans. I immediately cringe and look away. I don't need to be thinking about Emmett's baby brother like this. Sure, I'm only a year older than him, but it's just weird.

"You ready?" he asks with a smirk and I nod, wondering if he noticed me eying his treasure trail.

"Sure thing, lead the way to your douche-mobile," I sigh and inwardly cheer as I see his smile dissolve into a frown.

Edward's always been sensitive about his car. His parents bought it for him, so of course I have to tease. I bought my piece of shit truck at a government auction for two hundred bucks. I have to buy Jake a ton of fucking beer and pizza to keep it running. Edward deserves to get a little flack for getting everything he wants without having to lift a finger.

He turns to walk out of the bar without a word, and I stumble after him, feeling like a fucking idiot as I bob and weave the whole way.

"Wait the fuck up," I yell, as I stumble across the street heading towards the bank parking lot where he's parked. He's already at his car door when he looks up at me, and his eyes go wide.

"Leah!" He yells as he comes running towards me and I stop, while I try to figure out what he's freaking out about. The horn blares in my ear as I hear the screech of tires and I turn my head. I look right into the headlights of an SUV.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" I scream and my legs turn to liquid. Edward's there, catching me before I fall on my ass.

"Are you okay?" He asks, breathless and kind of pretty, with his bronze hair lit up by the headlights.

"What the fuck? You crazy bitch!" the driver, I assume, yells as he sticks his head out the window.

"FUCK YOU!" Edward and I both yell at the same time.

I look at him. He looks back, and we start to laugh. He starts to lead me toward his car and I flip off the driver who's still screaming as he pulls away. We make it to his car and he leans me back against the passenger door.

I watch him, the street lamp casting odd shadows, making Edward look kind of hot as he digs in his pocket for his keys. I never noticed how muscular his arms are, or the definition in his chest. His muscles flex under his t-shirt as he crosses his arms and sighs.

"It would be easier to unlock the door if you weren't covering it with your ass," he says, giving me an annoyed look.

"If you were half as skilled as you claim to be, you'd move me yourself."

I don't even know what the fuck I just said. I know what I meant to say, I think. Shit, maybe I don't. My brain is still a little foggy from the alcohol, and coming down from my adrenaline high. Edward's staring at me, an eyebrow raised and the corner of his mouth pinched up, in what could either be a smirk or grimace. It really could go either way. He could be confused by my drunken babbling, he could be annoyed, or he could kiss me?

That was... unexpected.

 _Oh, hell yes!_ Is all I can think, as his tongue slips between my lips and he grinds his lower body against mine. It's been nearly six months since anyone's even kissed me. This is weird and awkward, but I don't give a fuck. I need this, more than I realized. Even if it's coming from Edward, who's now breaking the kiss.

"Hey," I complain breathlessly, as he pulls back and moves me out of the way.

"Give me a second. I don't think you want to have sex out here," he says with a smirk, as he starts to unlock the door, and glides his knuckles over my breast. He hits my nipple just right and I bite back a gasp.

"Who the fuck said I'd put out that easy," I sneer as he pulls open the backdoor and turns to me, that fucking smug look still in place.

"Oh, I wouldn't presume to dream that you would stoop low enough to fuck me," he says, as he pulls me up against him and kisses me again. God, his tongue is fucking my mouth, swirling and tugging on my tongue. I moan a little as he pulls away again. _Fucking tease._ "I'd love to get a taste of you," he whispers in my ear as he pushes me through the open door and onto my back. I lay on the backseat, breathless as he drags me up further, climbs in, and closes the door behind himself. The space is impossibly small and I'm getting dizzy from the way his mouth works on my nipples through my t-shirt and bra.

"You'd get a better taste without the clothes in the way." I groan and he starts to pull my t-shirt out of my jeans.

"Yes, ma'am," he mutters against my bare belly button, and the air goes out of me. With a tug, the button of my jeans pops free and oh god, he's unzipping my pants with his fucking teeth. I feel his hot breath warm me through my cotton thong and I have to lay my head back.

His mile-long tongue slides down between my jeans and the crotch of my now wet thong.

"Holy fuck!" I buck and moan, as my hips rise up off the seat. He digs his nails into my hips and pulls my jeans down in one rough yank. We start the not-so-sexy task of removing my boots and pulling my jeans the rest of the way off. I lean back, watching Edward lick his lips as he stares at me, and I tighten a little.

"Like what you see?" I ask with a smirk. His eyes rise to meet mine and he throws down a smirk of his own.

"Not bad," he says with a shrug, and I swing my leg over to kick him, but he catches it midair. "I'd like the sight of you naked on my dick, better," he says as he slams my leg against the backrest and lowers his face to my soaking wet pussy. I have no breath to deliver a good comeback - I'm too busy moaning like a horny idiot. He moans back at me, and as he licks me through the thin cotton, his fingers trace a line along the outside of my pussy with his fingernail. I'm shaking a little as his finger snakes under the edge of the material, lifting it up and out of the way. His tongue slides over me, circling around my clit and making me scream.

"Fuck me," I gasp as my hips buck under him and I force my eyes open to watch.

"If you keep asking like that, I just might," his says, in a hot stream of air that scratches across my sore, wet clit. He's looking up at me from between my quivering legs. I've seen that look a thousand times on his face. I always took it as annoyance or anger, but now as his tongue is sliding slowly in and out of me, I realize it's hunger.

"If... you, uh god, keep that up... I just, oh there, yes, faster," I plead, forgetting whatever I was going to say as I feel the itch of my climax claw at the back of my spine. He traces fast circles over me, then slips a finger inside and curls it up, hitting me just right. I scream and writhe as I start to come, and he works my clit hard. His finger is swirling inside me, making me come again, just as I was coming down from the first orgasm.

As I start to settle down, he slides his fingers from me and I pull my legs up to my chest, rolling onto my side. I'm giddy, grinning to myself like a fucking tool. I look over my shoulder at Edward who's sitting in the seat next to me, wiping his mouth and giving me the biggest grin I have ever seen.

"Jerk," I blurt out of instinct, because he shouldn't be rubbing it in and I shouldn't be smiling. His eyebrow goes up again.

"I'm the jerk that just got you off," he says as he leans down and bites my ass. I yelp and scoot away, to sit up. He's still leaning towards me, and I incline my head till there's just a few inches between us.

"I suppose this makes me owe you, huh?" I ask as I look at him, a sly grin on my face. I see him take in my meaning and the hungry look returns.

"I'll take whatever you'll give me," he says in a low voice, as his tongue slides over his bottom lip and I attack him. My mouth smashes against his as I claw at his belt. He's laughing and I bite his lip lightly. He stops and I feel a wave of triumph as I unhook his belt. I get his pants open and snake past his boxers to pull him out.

"What do we have here?" I say against his mouth, and he groans a little, his breath sliding over my lips. I dip my tongue into his mouth one last time before I press a hand to his chest, making him lean back. He watches me move down, his face so fucking sexy as he smirks. I drag my eyes from his and look down. _Houston, we have a problem._

At first, I'm not sure what I'm seeing. Okay, I know I'm holding a dick. It feels like a dick. I can feel his pulse beating against my palm and it twitches when I give it a little squeeze, but it's not like any dick I've ever seen before. All I can think as I stare at him is: _hm, it's like a hot dog in a turtleneck_.

"You've never seen an uncut one before, have you?" He sounds so smug as he asks and I realize there's no way I can play this off. I nod, my eyes wide.

"I just didn't expect..." I stop short, realizing I was about to mention that Emmett is cut. I'm not too drunk to forget that I shouldn't be reminding him that I'm his brother's sloppy seconds, but it's too late. I can tell by the look on his face he knows where my mind was going.

"Carlisle participated in a research study," he starts to explain and I feel him soften a little in my hand, so I shake my head to stop him. Shit, way to kill the mood, Leah. I panic and grab the front of his t-shirt, hauling him toward me.

"Get back in the game, Edward," I hiss in his face, before I bite down on his chin. He groans as I let go and lick over the nice bite mark I've left. "Now, teach me how to steer this thing." I lick my lips as I glance down at his dick as it stiffens against my palm.

"Okay." He sighs as I slowly stroke up and down his shaft. "You can keep doing that," he moans, his face shifting as I test out different ways to squeeze and stroke him.

After a few movements, I get used to how the outer skin slides so smoothly and easy. It's so strange to not see the head, but it's so hot to watch how much every little move affects him so much. I get a little bolder, stroking him harder, and the skin slides down far enough for me to see the head peeking out the top.

"Shit," he yelps and practically jumps across the car.

"Sorry, shit! What did I do?" I ask, as I cringe at the pained look on his face. He slowly breathes in and out, trying to compose himself.

"You, just... you can't pull it down like that," he says, still a little shaky. Then he smiles at me and I feel a little less like an ass. "The head is very sensitive when I'm not fully hard. You just need to give me some time... and warning." He takes a deep breath.

"Sorry," I say weakly, though I'm still confused. He groans, his eyes rolling with frustration.

"Imagine if I yanked back the hood on your clit," he says with a devious smile, and I flinch. "Yeah," he chuckles as he leans his head back, and seems to relax a little. He turns his head to me, his eyes searching my face and I sit there, debating what I should do next.

"Leah," he says my name softly as he lifts his finger, curling it towards himself. He has a smirk on his face and I lean in closer. "It's time to get back in the game." He presses his mouth to mine and I sigh a little. As we continue to kiss, I slide my hand over him again, picking up where I left off. I take extra care to not move too fast or stroke him too hard, as his tongue slides in my mouth.

Reluctantly, I pull back. He looks at me with a lazy smile and it makes me want to bite him again. I keep my eyes locked on his as I start to shift my body. I slide a leg to the floor and try my best to not fall on my face as I kneel between his legs. I lay my cheek against his thigh and stare up at him. His hand brushes my hair away from my face and the gesture throws me off for a second, so I shift my eyes back to his dick.

"Are you ready for me to try this?" I ask, my breath brushing his shaft, and he shudders under me. I rise up to touch his his dick to my lips.

"Yes," he sighs and sinks a little further into the seat. I chuckle and slide him into my mouth. I lower my head slightly and delight in the tension I feel in the muscles of his legs. I lightly glide my tongue over the top of his dick. He's making this low moaning sound that's making me wet.

I have to widen my mouth, stretching my lips a little to accommodate him, which sends chills down my spine. It's strange to feel that same smooth glide of his skin with my lips and tongue. He's breathing through his mouth now, in short pants, as his hips rise up a little. I swirl my tongue around the top, like I would on the head of a cut penis and I don't get the reaction I normally do. He does seem to like it, but not any more so than me licking him, in general. Disappointed, I continue to explore with my tongue and I feel the little divot at the top. I know his head is in there, I saw it pop out a little when I pulled his foreskin down too hard earlier. I remember how he compared his dick to my clit and wonder how similar they really are. I slowly slide my tongue in the opening, feeling it give way. He lets out the most fucking hot whimper, as my tongue slips inside to slide along the ridge of his head.

"Leah," he says, his voice strained.

As he claws the seat, I feel a little guilty and pull my tongue back. I smile around his dick as I look at him. He looks like he can't decide whether to fuck or strangle me and I take him deep into my mouth.

"You're going to pay for that."

His threat loses most of the sting as he moans and thrusts up into my mouth. I start to move over him with renewed purpose, hell bent on getting the cool, collected Edward Cullen to blow his fucking top. I'm setting a decent rhythm when I feel him touch my shoulder. I look up and he looks like it's hard for him to think. I like that, a lot.

"Move back up here."

He speaks in a raw voice as he pats the seat next to him. I raise an eyebrow and pull him out of my mouth, enjoying the sad look that crosses his face. I don't ask why he wants me to move, I think I know why. I climb up and crouch, my stomach pressed to my knees and I take him back into my mouth. I feel his hand slide underneath me, pushing up, and I lift my hips enough for his hand to slide over me. I moan around him as his fingers push my thong aside, then slide into me. I falter for a second as he shifts a little, sinking his finger even deeper, then his fingertip brushes that spot inside me again. I groan and clench. He moans as his other hand gently brushes my hair off my face. I look out of the corner of my eye to watch him.

"Leah..."

He stares at me, his eyelids heavy, mouth open as he breathes my name and slides another finger into me. I moan as I start to move again, my mouth gliding over him as I raise and lower my hips on his fingers. I'm itching, cramping, clawing towards my climax. He rises up into my mouth, as his fingers tangle in my hair, and I need more. I slide my hand over his, closing my fingers around his hand. I'm rewarded with the feel of his fingers closing on my hair, in a painfully tight grip, and it's just what I need.

"Fuck, you like that?" His voice is raspy as I do my best to nod and press on his hand, pushing my head down onto him. "Oh god, this is un-fucking-real."

He exhales as he starts to move my head, the itch ignites into a scolding burn and I let go. I slam my hips down on his fingers as he moves my head up and down on his hard cock. He makes a strangled cry, and on the down stroke, I feel the head of his cock bump the back of my throat, just as my body explodes. I shake, my orgasm flaring through me as he thrusts his hips up against me, his dick pulsing in my throat. I swallow before I let him slide from my sore lips, and he slide his fingers from me. I take a few minutes to admire his fully emerged dick. The skin is still partially covering his head and I can see it's all shiny and bright pink, like bubble gum. The thought would make me laugh if its size wasn't so intimidating. Did I really have all of that in my mouth?

"Mmm, like what you see?" he asks, and I look at him. He's licking his fingers like they're covered in honey. Pleasure washes over me. I have to look away for just a second and I hear him chuckle. Smug fucker to the end. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and give him a hard stare.

"Now, are you going to drive us back to my place, so you can show me how to get a condom on that thing?" I ask, as he continues to smile at me.

Edward drives like a madman. Of course, I'm not doing much to help the situation. I'm naked from the waist down, with one foot propped up on the dash. I ditched my underwear in the back seat, for him to find later. He's been doing a great job of ignoring me, so, I grab his hand and start running his long fingers over my pussy.

"Are you insane? You're going to kill us," he growls, his eyes still on the road.

"I don't see you taking your hand away," I say, as I pull his fingers up to my mouth so I can lick them slowly.

"Fuck." He shudders and the car accelerates, as another wave of pleasure flutters through me.

When we reach my apartment, he does the world's worst job of parallel parking while I try to jam myself back into my jeans. Barefoot, with my jeans unzipped, I lead him up the stairs and to my apartment door.

"Having issues?" he asks, his hot breath skimming my ear, as his fingers dig into my hips. I try to ignore him as I'm lining up my key with the lock, when he pulls me back into him. He's rock hard and wedged right between my ass checks.

"Edward," I groan as I bite my lip against the pleasure searing through me, and he answers me by biting my neck.

I'm shaking and so fucking ready by the time I manage to get the door open. We practically fall through the doorway and I scramble to close it. As I slide the deadbolt into place, he presses against my back, slamming me up against the door. His hands are sliding over my hips, inside my jeans, as he starts to pull them down. Edward works them down to my feet and I kick them off. His hands slide up my sides and grab the bottom of my t-shirt. I raise my arms as he pulls it up over my head and I'm left in my bra. Edward's already working, unlatching the hooks and pushing the straps off my arms.

He returns to my back, his hands sliding up to cup my breasts and his mouth sucking on my earlobe. The feel of him fully clothed and pressed against my naked back is turning me on so much, that it's taking all my strength to keep from humping the door.

"You feel amazing." He sighs as he kisses a trail down my neck to my shoulder, making me tremble.

"You can feel me anytime, if you do it like this." I smirk as I press my cheek against the cool, smooth surface of the door.

He chuckles, his breath grazing over my back, leaving goosebumps in its wake."I want to do more than that," he says, sliding his hands down my torso. They dip between my legs and his fingers hook inside me. "Where are those condoms?" He groans as his fingers slide from me and I utter a whimper of disappointment.

"Bedroom," I say, as I grab his wrist and lead him back to my room. Thank god I just did a laundry round up. My room is my nest, and is usually dusted with a thin layer of clothing over every surface. I have a system, I swear. Tomorrow is Sunday, aka laundry day. That means this morning, while on the phone with Dad, I gathered up everything piece of clothing I own into two large duffel bags. I usually spend the afternoon at the laundromat, with coffee and a book, getting it all washed.

I pull Edward into my clean bedroom, kicking the laundry bags out of our way, and let go of his hand as I go to my bedside table. I pull open the top drawer and start digging through the random shit. Chapstick, nail clippers, and an embarrassingly well-worn paperback romance all get shoved out of my way as I continue to search. _Why do I have toothpaste in here?_

"Is there a problem?" Edward asks, and I look over at him. He's sitting on my bed, leaning back on his elbows with a prominent bulge in his pants. _Shit_.

"Just a second," I say, trying to sound cool, but end up sounding irritated. I reach under the bed and feel the lip of the plastic storage bin. I pull it out and rip the lid off, tossing it over my shoulder.

"Well, Ms. Clearwater, what have you got there?" Edward's laughing, his head right above mine. He can plainly see my rather impressive collection of sex toys. I ignore him as I reach past my bright pink double-sided dildo and grab the box of condoms. As I pull it out, breathing a sigh of relief, Edward reaches past me into the box to grab something before I can stop him.

"What's this... Anal Eze?" He's speaking in a mocking tone as he reads the label on the small bottle.

"It was a free sample."

I scowl at him as I slap the bottle out of his hand. I pull the mile-long strip of condoms out of the box and tear the first one off with my teeth. I toss the box and the rest of the condoms to the floor as I stand up. Edward is leaning back, his whole body shaking as he tries to stifle his laughter.

"Laugh all you want, fucker, just get your dick out while you do it," I say, smiling as I tear open the package. All the humor has left his face as he starts to unbuckle his belt and slowly open his jeans. "Too fucking slow," I say as I climb onto the bed, knees on either side of his legs.

"Calm down or you aren't getting shit." He hisses at me, a frown of concentration on his face. I wonder why he's suddenly pissy until he eases his jeans and boxers down off his hips. His hard, practically purple cock pops out. It bobs for a second, tapping just bellow his bellybutton. I stare at his dick, condom in hand. The head is fully exposed and the foreskin is just a pale ring of skin beneath the head. Now it looks like the kind of dicks that I'm used to seeing, with the exception of its size. It is... scary.

"Earth to Leah," Edward says as he taps my thigh.

I swallow as I hand him the condom. He shakes his head, takes it from me and starts to slide it on. I watch, fascinated, as he somehow manages to stuff himself into the thin piece of latex. Once he's done, he lets out a slow exhale. His eyes are wide and I can see little beads of sweat on his forehead and upper lip.

"Is that okay? I mean, is it too tight?" I ask, because he doesn't look comfortable. He shakes his head and chuckles.

"It's okay. It's better this way, otherwise the foreskin slides too much and it can slip off," he says as he takes another deep breath and smiles at me. There's no hint of sarcasm or bravado, just an unguarded smile. That small, simple smile hits me in chest like a sledgehammer and I fall on him, kissing his beautiful mouth for all I'm worth.

His hands are on the sides of my face, pushing me back and I let him, but feel shy when his eyes meet mine.

"Are you ready?" he asks.

His eyes search mine, like he's waiting for me to back out or something. I can feel every inch of him pressed against my stomach and I'm suddenly trembling with anticipation. I nod and his eyebrows wrinkle as his mouth frowns. I match his expression, wondering what the hell is wrong. He closes his eyes, letting out a slow breath and then opens them again to look at me.

"Say it, out loud," he says, with such intensity that I feel myself contract as I open my mouth.

"I want you inside me," I whisper against his mouth and he closes his eyes as he groans. I bite his chin and enjoy the way his whole body seems to react to it, shuddering and gently thrusting against me.

"Do you want to fuck me, Edward?" I ask, as I lick a line from his chin to his ear. I push up with my hands so I'm kneeling, and I position myself above him.

"Fuck, yes. God, I do." He's growling as I take hold of him, sliding my hand up and down, still enjoying the way his skin glides and how it makes his hips jerk a little.

"No more teasing," he says. His voice is raw and it sends a wave of tingling pleasure rushing through me, bursting through my pelvis. I hold his dick just below my pussy as I watch his face. His eyes are fixed on the small space that separates us, his hands gripping my legs, nails digging into my flesh.

I press his head into me, just a little, swirling my hips as I moan. The tease is delicious, but Edward's groaning again and pulling on my sheets. I decide to really drive him crazy and shove myself down onto him, or at least I try. I sink down over his head and stop, a painful pinching sensation make me hiss. Edward moans as his hands go to my hips, supporting my weight while I catch my breath. His eyes are closed, his hair around his face turning dark with sweat. I lick my lips and rise up, making sure to keep him inside me, then I press myself down the rest of the way. I put my hands on his chest for support and stay there, with him buried inside me, as I pant and tremble.

His eyes open, his hands slide up to hold my breasts, then his mouth opens, but he doesn't move. I lean back, which makes me sink a little more and he bottoms out. I feel the impact like an earthquake - it's ratting my teeth and making my brain seize.

"Oh god!" Edward gasps, saying what I don't have the strength to say, as I grip his wrists to give me enough leverage to start to move. I start out slow, savoring the sting as it turns into a pleasurable heat, and begin to move a little faster. Each time I sink down, he hits home and each time, I get that much closer to coming. My brain counts down with each stroke as I ride him, and he moans as his fingers dig into me.

The low, urgent sounds that he's making are spurring me on to ride him harder. I lean forward, putting my hands on his chest, so I can move faster in my attempt to drive new and interesting sounds from him as I bounce above him. His face is alive, though his eyes are closed. His mouth is open as he pants and talks, though he's saying nothing coherent.

"What's that, Edward?" I ask, leaning down and licking his bottom lip.

He growls, his hands grabbing my shoulders and pulling me forward into a kiss. He slides out of me as we kiss and I moan in frustration. Edward laughs and flips me onto my back. An embarrassingly shrill scream of surprise comes out of my mouth as he does it. He climbs over me and I slide my hand into his thick hair, grabbing a handful. He hisses as I pull him down to meet my mouth. Edward rewards me by biting my bottom lip as he slides himself back into me in a long, slow push.

"Oh fuck!" I can't stop it as I moan, and Edward's chuckles vibrate through me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, Leah?" He's smirking above me. I lift my legs, tilting my hips, and he slides in deeper. He chokes on a groan and it's my turn to smile. He moves inside me again and my smile disappears as I close my eyes. Edward shifts as he moves my legs, pressing my knees toward my chest, and I let out a little grunt as I readjust to the new position.

"Is this okay?" He asks, his voice soft, his tone gentle and concerned. I open my eyes to see him poised above me, his arms behind my knees and his head just inside me. He doesn't move, just waits there for my answer. I start to nod, but then I remember he seems to like me to say things out loud. I take a moment to swallow before I answer.

"Yes." As I breathe out the word, he starts to slide back into me, leaning down as he goes so deep that he hits bottom again. This time it's all pleasure overwhelming my body in trembling waves, and the word becomes a hiss.

"Mmm... how about this?" he asks. His breath is on my face as his hips move in short thrusts, making me yelp and gasp for air. "Tell me how this feels," Edward pleads and I struggle to breathe, wondering how I'm supposed to answer. How do I describe the intensity, the aching delight, and overpowering sensation of fulfillment? I sputter and shake my head.

"Overwhelming," I blurt out as he thrusts into me, and groans.

"More," he says in a high-pitch, almost desperate tone. The sound seems to pluck at something inside me, reverberating through my whole body. I don't know if it's a demand, a question, or if he's just speaking a language that I don't understand.

"It's almost too much." I gasp, hoping that it does justice to this intense pleasure that's filling me, threatening to burst. I try to convey all that I'm feeling as I look at him and see it mirrored in his face. I've never seen this look from him before. Edward looks like he's having trouble breathing and he puts his hand on the side of my face. He brushes his lips over mine and murmurers something I can't quiet make out, before he start to move with more purpose.

The climax catches me off guard, slamming into me without warning and making me rise up into each of his thrusts.

"Yes, come for me," he pleads as he quickens his pace.

"Harder," I moan as I shamelessly writhe beneath him. He grunts and pounds into me, sending me into another wave of pleasure. I scream as it rockets through me as he shouts and thrusts in a frantic rhythm.

As his thrusts slow down, I shudder and shake, too weak to do more than take it. Edward is flushed and breathless as he finally stops, his forehead resting against my breast. I feel the ghost of a kiss touch my nipple before he pulls out, making me groan from the loss. I roll onto my side, tucking my knees to my chest.

"Where's the trash?" he asks in a weak voice.

"Over there." I gesture towards the nightstand, but don't look up. I hear him shuffle around, then the wet plop as the condom hits the bottom of the trash can. I wait for what I know is coming next. There are a few different versions. He could get dressed quickly and leave. Or, he'll try to make awkward conversation, make-up fake excuses and then leave. I just lay there, waiting for Edward's spin of the classic exit strategy.

"Hey." He sighs and curls up against my back, his arm sliding around my waist. "You going to freak out on me now?" He whispers in my ear, laughing a little. I get pissed and I shift onto my back to look at him. He's got that smile again, just a simple smile, his fingers tracing little circles over my stomach.

"No." I sound sullen and it annoys me, but not as much as the look on his face as he kisses the tip of my nose.

"Good, because I just need twenty minutes to catch my breath and I can give you your real present." He sighs as he flops onto his back, and I feel my eyes bug out.

"Are you kidding?" My voice cracks a little as I slap my hand down on his chest and he laughs.

"Of course," he says, pulling me on top of his chest. "It should only take a couple of minutes," he says with a smirk, as his fingertips play over the side of my face. I smile despite myself, and lean down to bite his neck.

"Mmm... Happy Birthday, Ms. Clearwater," he says, moaning as I lick his Adam's apple.


	2. Mother Mother

_Hey Mom,_

_I know I've been slacking on updates. I'd love to say that things have been busy, but why should I lie? Life's been chugging along. Work is going well, the stadium is doing great. They've sold out most of next year's season tickets for both the Hawks and the Sounders, so that's job security for me._

_Dad and Seth are doing fine. I mean, as fine as those two can be on their own. I'll be heading back for the annual trip soon. I'll make sure that Dad's actually doing laundry and not just buying clothes from the Salvation Army. I'll do my best to clear out any animals that may have started nesting in the old trailer. Seth has turned it into a hovel. I swear, last time I went in there it smelled like cheese and not in a good way._

_Oh, I forgot to mention Bella's moving up soon. She's about to finish out her engineering degree and wants to try to find work here. She wants to be closer to Uncle Charlie, you know, to keep an eye on him. He's getting weird in his old age. He, Dad and Uncle Billy are like a geriatric version of Three Musketeers. It's disturbing._

_Anyway, Jake moved out, so Bells can move in. He and Embry have a "bachelor pad" up in Lake City. I love Jake, but I am so glad that we're not living together anymore. I was pretty much done with the parade of hoochies that he would march through the apartment at all hours. I'm also hoping it will cut down on him sharing family gossip with me. There are just some things that I could live without knowing about our family._

_Speaking of family TMIs, Jake laid a gem on me yesterday at dinner. He took me out to Jaliso's for my birthday. Uncle Charlie? Mom, really? Really? I hope it was worth the mental scars that I have. Just ew._

_Not that I'm in any position to judge. I wasn't going to tell you about this, but I've gotten myself in a situation and I don't know what to do. I kind of accidentally slept with Emmett's brother, Edward. Yes, that Edward. I know, I know. I totally don't get it, either. Not to over share, but it was amazing. Just WOW!_

_Still, I don't know what to do about it now. I can't tell Emmett. No way. Which means Rose is off limits, too. Alice has the biggest mouth on the West Coast, and it's her brother, so no on that one. That leaves me with Bells. God, I really don't want to tell her, for a lot of reasons that I don't want to go into right now._

_Why do I do this to myself? Why can't I meet a nice guy, for once, who actually wants to date me?_

_I should just pretend it never happened,_ except _he's supposed to be coming over tonight. I hate myself!No I don't. I think._

_I miss you so much, Mom. If you could only be here to yell at me, I would turn into a nun._ _I guess I'll just have Bella do it for you._

_I have to go, but I will write again soon. I love you and I miss you._

_Lee Lee_

_P.S. Ask Grandma why my corn cakes never turn out right. I follow her recipe to the letter._

* * *

I flip back to the first page of my letter and write the date on the top of the page. I sit back in bed and start to thumb through my notebook. I've been writing in these notebooks for years. Mom and I started the first one in the hospital, while she went through her first course of chemo. She said that the notebook was for her to track the progress of her treatment and recovery. We would write every day, though it was rarely about her treatment. We wrote down family stories, pasted in Seth's drawings and added our favorite family pictures. I taped leaves in to mark the seasons. I even made her a collage of one of my movie star crushes that she claimed was "very artistic."

It's been thirteen years since Mom finally lost her battle with cancer, but I'm still writing in the notebooks. I guess it's because I like to think that I can still talk to her through my letters and keep her up to date on everything happening in my crazy life.

My gaze hovers for a second over a picture of Bella and me from my trip to Arizona. We're standing in front of one of her favorite places to eat, a dive diner named Marvin's. That girl has a disturbing addiction to greasy spoons. She's got a pale complexion, but next to me she looks like a ghost, my poor girl. I laugh as I remember how we went out drinking later that night. Bells got sloppy drunk and had jumped into my lap.

"We would have such beautiful babies, but I'd want them to have your skin," Bella slurred as she pressed her small, cream-colored hand against the tops of my breasts. I laughed as she nuzzled her nose into my neck and made the cutest squeaking hiccup.

"I hate to disappoint you, sweetie, but we don't have the right plumbing to have kids," I said with a sigh, as I gently pushed her away from the sensitive skin of my neck. Her bottom lip stuck out in the cutest pout as I continued to explain, in great detail, exactly why we couldn't reproduce.

I close my notebook and set it on my nightstand as I smile at the memory.

My phone chirps as my alarm goes off, reminding me that I need to get my ass in gear. I have to get my crap to the Laundromat, soon. Especially since I need to be back here to fold and put everything away before Edward comes over.

_Edward_.

I fight off the shiver of pleasure that travels right to my well-used pussy and hate myself for feeling excited at the thought of him.

"Focus," I sigh and stretch. I am so fucking sore, but in a very satisfying way. I yawn as I slide off the edge of the bed and stand on shaky legs. They start to tremble violently as I try to gain some semblance of balance.

"Shit," I manage to screech before my legs give out and I fall to the floor with a grunt.

"Nice," I grumble as I roll onto my side and notice the long strip of unused condoms snaking across the floor.

I count the remaining condoms and do a bit a mental math. Jesus Christ! Edward Cullen is pretty fucking impressive. No wonder my legs are so weak. I need to stop at the store on the way to Laundromat.

One long, scalding-hot shower later, I stand in front of my bathroom mirror as I scrub the taste of burnt tires out of my mouth until my gums start to bleed. I dig the last crumbled bits of stick deodorant out of its plastic shell and rub it over my armpits. After I wash my hands, I stare at my hair and decide that I've done the best I can. I grab the only clean clothes I have left in the apartment.

I slide on my black cotton slacks, the ones that make my ass look huge, and pull on my ratty t-shirt that says:"Twisted Fisters Boxing Club." Emmett gave it to me on the first Christmas I spent with his family. I still laugh when I think about the look on Edward's face when I held it up. Esme and Carlisle didn't get the joke at first, but Alice had to leave the room, she was laughing so hard. When Esme finally got it and started to giggle, Edward had turned dark red and asked me to put it away. So naturally, I wore it around him every chance I got. He can be so uptight sometimes.

I shove my bare feet into my boots since I have no clean socks left, and cover up the fact that I'm not wearing a bra by wearing my super tight leather jacket. I have to stop halfway through zipping it to pull my tits up into place, but once it's zipped up all the way, it does the job. I still have a damp, unruly mop of hair that's hanging from my head in big clumps. I spot a worn, black beanie that I snagged from Jake, and stuff the wet mess into it.

I grab my wallet and keys, slide my sunglasses on, and turn to my laundry bags. I sling my one bag over my shoulder, grab the other by the handle, and start to walk toward the door, knowing that I look like a hunchback. It's time to get this show on the road.

The Lost Sock is an old, rundown laundromat tucked into one of the storefronts of a strip mall. It's tiny, badly lit, and the candy in the vending machine is older than I am. It's worth the two blocks of struggling with the overloaded duffel bags, because my boy Peter works here, and he lets me do whatever the fuck I want.

"Hey, Leah," Peter blows out a stream of smoke as he holds the front door open for me.

"Hey there, Pete," I grunt as I pull the bags through the doorway.

There is a wrinkly Korean lady perched near a long bank of dryers. I nod at her and she makes a sour face in return. I sigh as I dump my bags next to a group of washers and start my routine. I flip up the lids on six washers, and start to load them. After I set them up and toss my empty bags on a nearby folding table, I plant my ass in a hard plastic chair and check the time.

I figure it's as good a time as any to call. I hit the button to speed dial Bella and she answers after the first ring.

"Cocksucker!" Bella yells into the phone and then I hear a rubbing sound. "Hold on," I hear her muffled voice as the rubbing sound continues. "Shit, Leah?" Bella sounds out of breath.

"Yes. What the hell was that?" I snort, as I lean back in the chair and it makes an ominous cracking sound.

"I dropped the phone in my boobs," she grumbles and I bust up laughing. Bella is such a klutz.

She has a very impressive breast size for her small frame. They're the bane of her existence. I can't feel too sorry for her though, because no matter how much she says they make her look like a freak, the truth is she's gorgeous.

"Hey, did you leave a cat at my place when you were here?" She sounds hoarse and half asleep.

"What? No," I laugh. She is so bizarre sometimes.

"Huh, 'cause I could swear a cat shit in my mouth." she groans.

"Jesus fuck," I choke as I laugh at her bizarre humor. "Yeah, I know how you feel. I had to scrub a shit stain off my own tongue this morning, my dear."

"Oh, shit, that's right," Bella sounds more alert. "How did the party go?"

"Wait, you knew?" I can't believe it. Bella is in fucking Arizona and she knew about my surprise birthday party.

"Sorry, Alice got my number from your dad," Bella sounds appropriately guilty. "She wanted my advice on the venue. She'd been planning to have it at the Pyramid Brewery."

"Ugh," I groan. Pyramid is too family-friendly and way too close to my work.

"Yeah. I told her to try the Elysian or Canterbury." I laugh at that. I could just imagine the look of horror on Alice's face when she walked into the dingy, smoke-stained interior of the Canterbury Inn.

"Thanks. We had it at the Elysian and I got trashed," I admit, as my chair makes another cracking sound and I decide to just stand.

"No problem," her voice is muffled by a creaking sound that I recognize as her ancient mattress. I guess that she is probably getting out of bed. "So, how is my favorite bitch?" Bella asks with a loud yawn.

"Hung," I groan. "How about you?"

"Oh, pretty close to the same," she sighs heavily. "Caroline and Zach took me out for a going away thing, and let's just say that Patron was involved."

"Nice," I chuckle and lean my back against the folding table.

"I know, Zach ended up throwing himself at some poor straight boy. It was hilarious," Bella cackles. I hear water start to run in the background.

"Bella," I can't help but smirk as I say her name. "Are you planning to take me in the shower with you?"

Bella lives her life on the phone, especially when she's talking with me. I've talked to while she's done everything from grocery shopping to eating; she even called me while she was watching a movie to tell me how horrible it was.

"Whoops," she snorts a little as she laughs at herself. "I've got to get the car over to Caroline's place before I leave and I'm running late. Sorry."

"No, that's cool," I try to keep the disappointment out of my voice. Sundays aren't the same without our download. We usually spend most of the day on the phone, bitching about our week and talking shit to each other. It's a tradition that we'll soon get to do in person, I remind myself.

"I'll call you back, later. Okay?" Bella says in a pleading tone.

"That's fine," I laugh, with a grin. "Go get soapy and think of me."

She laughs as she hangs up and I smile at my phone, while I wonder what to do as I wait for the washers to finish.

* * *

"And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18." Father Robert's voice is quiet, but it carries through the church as he adjusts his glasses. "It is not good for man to be alone. Loneliness and isolation eat at a his soul and erode his faith." The sound of his voice makes my headache as I stare at the tortured figure of Christ, hanging behind him.

I feel a brush against my arm and I glance to my side just as Esme slides her small hand around my wrist and gives me a light squeeze. Her eyes are still on Father Robert, but I smile at her anyway. Her faith is so strong, it speaks to me more convincingly than the priest's words. My mother is one of the strongest women I know. She has fierce convictions and an unshakeable faith in the divine. I wish that I had half of her strength and surety.

It means a lot to her that I still come to church with her every Sunday. I'm only one that does anymore. Carlisle has issues with Catholic dogma, which we never discuss. When we were all young, Emmett, Alice and I would attend church with my mother. They eventually stopped, when other interests like friends and relationships became more important. I lift her hand up and place a soft kiss on her knuckles before I set her hand back down in her lap and gently pat her wrist.

"God made Eve so that Adam could be part of a family. An earthly family is important to the strength of a man's spirit. It reminds him of his spiritual family and his connection to God," Father Robert's drones on, and my mind starts to wander.

I lower my eyes to the floor and sigh softly. My shoes are scuffed; I normally would have had time to polish them before I left the house, but I was in a hurry this morning. I'd barely had enough time to shower before I had to be out the door to pick up Esme. I was lucky that traffic was practically non-existent on my short trip from Leah's apartment to my place.

_Leah._

I close my eyes as I take a deep breath and feel a shiver flow over me.

_Leah was sprawled across the bed, the sheet tangled around her body like a wrinkled, white snake. I was dressed, but instead of leaving, I sat on the edge of her bed, watching her. Leah's breathing changed and I noticed the subtle shift in her face as she slowly awoke, though her eyes stayed closed. I lean over and hovered above her, fighting to urge to kiss her._

" _Leah, I know you're awake," I whispered next to her soft, full lips and watched as they crumpled into a frown._

" _Don't you have the decency to at least pretend to be hungover?" She groaned in a deep gravelly voice that vibrated through me and made me hard in a second._

" _Sorry," I said without a hint of sympathy. "I didn't drink half the booze in the city last night."_

" _Don't remind me," she rolled onto her side, giving me a clear view of her gorgeous, naked ass. "It feels like my liver is beating the shit out of my brain right now."_

" _Okay, enough of the belly aching," I said as I grabbed her shoulder and made her roll back over to face me. "I have a favor to ask." As soon as I said the words and saw the look of suspicion on her face, I regretted saying it._

" _What?" she said with a raised eyebrow. "If it involves my pussy, I'm going to need some lube and one hell of a pep-talk, 'cause this kitty is beat."_

_My regret quickly dissolved as I laughed. I have never met anyone like Leah, and there are times when I wonder if that's a good or bad thing._

" _No," I said as I shook my head. "I was hoping that you have a spare toothbrush."_

" _Oh," she couldn't hide the sound of disappointment in her voice. "There should be a multi-pack under the sink."_

" _Thanks," I tried to sound casual as I gave her nipple a gentle pinch and headed toward the bathroom._

_I pulled out the toothbrush and toothpaste and I heard her groan through the bathroom door. As I brushed my teeth I look at myself in her mirror and wonder how I got here. Egotism, jealousy, and greed, I told myself. Those were the key factors that allowed me to lower my guard long enough to think it was a good idea to sleep with Leah._

_I've been doing my best to keep her at arm's length ever since she and Emmett started dating. I've done everything I could to ensure that she hated me. Until last night. In a moment of weakness, I let myself give in to temptation and I kissed her. Leah should have slapped me and called me an asshole. She had every reason to, and yet she hadn't._

" _Oh my god, I'm sore," Leah yelled from her bedroom. "Are you sure you didn't sneak a football team in here, while I was sleeping? Fuck!"_

_I nearly choked as I rinsed out my mouth. Leah never failed to surprise and sometimes appall me. She is a force of nature. Unpredictable, uncontrollable, and irresistible. I rinsed my toothbrush and slid it into the plastic cup, next to her bright pink toothbrush. The cup had a cartoon image of Big Bird's face on it. I smiled at the incongruity of these items and the Leah that I knew._

_I fought the dual urges to tease her about them and to explore her bathroom more. There's so much I don't know about her, and it should stay that way. I remind myself that this was a mistake and I don't make mistakes. I should have left last night. Actually, I should have called her a cab at the bar, but what's done is done. I had to stop it before things went any further._

" _Are you done in there?" Leah called out._

" _Yes," I sighed, opening the door to find her still laying in bed, with the sheet is off. Leah was naked, stretched out, and I forgot everything I had been thinking._

_I walked over to the bed and knelt down. Leah stared at me, like I was a snake getting ready to strike. I just smirked, enjoying her apprehension. I glanced at her bare chest, enjoying the dark blush that spread across her breasts as I pressed my palm against her stomach._

" _Edward," she sighed my name, and that's all it took—I was instantly ready to fuck her again._ _The urge to be inside her was so strong that I had to close my eyes. I tried to steady my breathing as I slid my hand down her stomach and between her legs. She was so wet that I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning. I slid a finger inside her and her hips rose off the bed._

" _I need to go," I whispered to myself as much as to her._

_She groaned in protest and I wiggled my finger inside her, enjoying the way she contracted around it. I could have stayed there all day. Taking my time touching, tasting, and fucking her. That's the problem. I should have gotten this out of my system last night. I should have, but I didn't. I got a taste of Leah, and I wanted more._

" _Don't stop," she begged me in a breathy voice, and I almost gave in. I imagined myself making the call to Esme, telling her that I didn't feel well, or giving some other excuse so that I could stay there. I'm unable to do that; I needed to go, not just for my mother, but for myself._

" _I'm going to be late." I tried to sound firm, but it came out as a strained whisper. Leah arched off the bed, her nipple was so close to my mouth that I could see it harden as I exhaled over it. Her hips were moving, thrusting against me, and I brushed my thumb over her clit in small circles._

" _God dammit!" Leah gasped, and I gave in, just a little. I covered her mouth with my own, forcing her lips apart with my tongue, and gripped her hair with my free hand. I didn't care about the stale taste of alcohol. I wanted her tongue and her mouth. I needed to feel as much of her as I could, before I had to go. She was shaking, gripping my finger, so I knew she was close. I growled into her mouth as I slid another finger inside her, angling my arm, so I could just touch the spot behind her pelvic bone. Leah screamed into my mouth as she came. I could feel it, with every part of me._

_When I finally pulled back from her mouth, we were both panting and I was late._

" _I have to go," I told her as I kissed her chin, and I saw that look on her face. It was the same look she had last night after the first time, our first time. Her lips were pressed together and her eyes were distant as she stared past me. She didn't look like Leah anymore. I hated the way that look made me feel._

" _I'll be back," I said, before I even realized what I was doing. Her features shifted, and she looked at me with a strange combination of shock, doubt, and hope._

" _When?" She asked with an air of skepticism._

" _Seven," I said, knowing that I should be done with dinner by then. "And I want you just like this when I get back. Naked and waiting."_

_Before she could say anything, I kissed her again, savoring the moan that she made as I pulled away._

"Edward," Esme touches my shoulder and I startle slightly.

"Sorry," I say as I look at her; she's smiling as she stands up from the pew. I rise and wait for her to lead the way. We walk in silence until we're outside of the church. The morning air is cold and damp, but I breathe in deeply.

"How was Leah's birthday?" Esme asks, as we walk arm in arm toward my car. I focus on relaxing before I answer.

"Okay, I guess," I answer with a shrug.

"Good," she says with a nod. "Leah's a sweet girl, but she seems very lonely. I'm glad Alice is still reaching out to her."

I nod as we near the car and I unlock the door. I gently release her arm as I pull the door open and she touches my cheek.

"You should invite her and Jake over for Thanksgiving," she says, as she picks a hair off my face. As she pulls the long, dark hair free, I tense, and recognize that it's Leah's.

"Do you think it's wise to have Jake and Emmett in the house together?" I ask, as I pull the hair from her hand and let the wind take it from my fingers.

"I think I can afford to replace another couch," she says with a giggle, and I smile. "Besides, your father would love to get Jake back into the garage. He's just purchased an old Porsche that had to be towed to the house." She shakes her head as she sit down in the passenger seat, and I close the door.

We had Leah over for a family dinner a few years ago. Leah and Emmett were still together, and Mom had insisted that she be invited to a family dinner. Leah showed up with her muscle-bound cousin who immediately got on my nerves.

He was arrogant, loud, and Emmett loved him. They were like long-lost brothers, cracking jokes and arm wrestling. They even came up with nicknames for each other: J-Rock and E-Cock. What in the hell is an E-Cock?

After dinner and several bottles of wine, we all ended up talking in the den. Emmett made a joke about Jake's dick size and before any of us could react, they were wrestling like a couple of twelve year olds. The coffee table was destroyed in a under a minute, but the couch took another ten minutes. After the couch was demolished, Leah poured a bucket of ice water on them, which sobered them up enough to stop. It would have been impressive, if it weren't my parent's home. There's a time and a place for that kind of behavior, and a family dinner is neither.

At least Jake had insisted on reimbursing my parents for the damage, while Emmett still insisted that he'd won the fight. Carlisle told Jake that he would forgive the damage if Jake helped him fix up an old Carmen Gia; it had been gathering dust in the garage for five years, ever since he bought it from a friend. It took Jake several weekends to fix up the car, but he did it. I'll give him that much, but I still have mixed feelings about Leah's cousin.

"I don't know why you don't like Jake," Esme says, as I buckle my seatbelt and start the engine.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I like Jake," I reply, as I put the car in gear and ease out into traffic. I don't like lying to Esme, but sometimes it's just easier.

* * *

I'm half way through folding my clothes when my phone vibrates.

"Sorry it took so long to get back to you." Bella is talking loudly over the soft roar of traffic in the background. "I had to run a bunch of errands and get all my boxes loaded."

"Where are you?" I ask, painfully aware that I'm yelling in the Laundromat. I can see Peter looking at me over his copy _No Future Without Forgiveness._ I raise an eyebrow at him and try my best to look impressed. Peter likes to pretend he's a dark, brooding artist with the soul of a nihilist. I know the truth; he's a hopeless romantic that cried like a baby at the _Lion King_. We were tripping on acid when we saw it, but still. Cried in my arms like a virgin on her wedding day. He flips me off and then points at the sign that says "No cell phones." I flip him off. Sensitive bitch.

"Driving to Caroline's place," she says, I can hear someone honking in the background. "Learn to use your turn signal ASSHOLE!" Bella screams out at another driver.

"Ouch," I groan as I turn around, so Peter will stop staring at me. "Could you pull the phone away from your face when you do that?"

"Hey, it's sitting on my tits, that's the best I can do right now," Bella's laugh is punctuated by a snort.

"Of course," I laugh and shake my head and get back to fold my clothes. "When is your flight?"

"I've got another couple hours. Shit," Bella hisses.

"What?" I ask, as I find single unmatchable sock and add it to a quickly growing pile of orphaned socks. Jake must have taken some of my socks when he moved out, that asshole.

"Red and blue," she groans and I laugh.

"Only you would get pulled over by the cops on your last day in Tempe," I continue laughing as I finish folding my jeans and sit down.

"It's a gift," Bella snorts. "Seriously, I need to let you go. It's going to be hard enough to talk my way out of this ticket. It's going to be even harder to do it if he sees me talking to my tits."

"Sure thing, babe," I say with a sigh. "Enjoy the road head."

"You're one to talk, whore," Bella laughs.

"I love you too, bitch," I reply as we hang up.

I get down to the last load of laundry before I realize that I never mentioned Edward. Fuck. I'm pissed, but I'm a little relieved, too. Strike that, I'm a lot relieved. I don't how I would explain what's going on with Edward. I can't even explain it to myself.

I press my face into my jeans, breathing in the soapy scent of detergent, and it makes me think of Edward. He smelled like this last night. Clean and warm.

"Jesus Christ," I whisper into the denim and shake myself. I am not going to fucking moon over Edward fucking Cullen. I will put my head in the dryer and cook my brain first.

I finish the laundry twice as fucking fast as I usually do. Which gave me plenty of time to stop by the pharmacy on the way home from the Laundromat. I put all my clothes away in record time and even straightened up the apartment a bit. I'm never this productive on a Sunday, I think it's the nervous energy and two quad shot-lattes.

I hate this part. Waiting is the worst. I like the fast, take-you-by-surprise sex - the kind that I don't have to think about. Not this drawn out, pondering it all day, over thinking every-fucking-thing sex. I would rather be regretting it later than sitting naked on my bedroom floor contemplating if I should wax.

I stare at myself in my mirror taking a silent inventory of every extra bit of flab, every blemish, and my overgrowth of body hair in unwanted places. While I wonder why he ever got into bed with me in the first place. I don't like this train of thought; it leads to drinking and angry-girl music, not hot bone-melting sex. I roll over onto my stomach and grab the bag of shit that I bought at the store on the way home. I toss the new box of condoms toward the bed and pick through the other random shit.

Deodorant, new razors, and honey wheat lipgloss. I pull the slim plastic vial of lipgloss and stare at it. I never buy stuff like this, at all. I can't remember that last time I bought make-up. Bella bought me some make-up kit thing that looks like a tackle box and is currently collecting dust in the bottom of my closet. I'm just not a lipgloss kind of girl.

I remember standing in the pharmacy and staring at the cosmetics display. The image of a fresh-faced girl, who is everything I'm not, stared back at me from the slick promo display. She looked happy, content and gorgeous. I was filled with the typical bile-inducing disgust I usually feel when I see those kinds of ads. I saw a bright star-shaped sign advertising a "New Flavor" of lip-gloss, and almost walked away, when the name captured my attention. Honey wheat. I picked it up and twisted the cap open. I closed my eyes as I smelled it, and immediately thought of Edward.

Edward likes micro-brew beers. The kind of shit that actually listed the percentage of hops and barley used. Expensive, fancy-flavored, and highbrow beers that I would never drink. Only Edward would care about that kind of crap. Last night he'd been drinking some special fall seasonal shit that The Elysian was promoting. He'd tasted like honey on warm wheat bread with the slight tang of alcohol. The smell brought back the memory with such strength that I was wet in an instant.

As I stood in the tiny pharmacy smelling an overpriced vial of lipgloss, I imagined entire research teams slaving day and night to exactly replicate the taste of Edward Cullen's mouth. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

I sigh as I grab the bag and head to the bathroom. I need to shower, I need to shave and I need to scrape together my dignity before Edward gets here. He said he'd be here at seven. Sure it is four, but I really have nothing else to do, other than eat. Yeah, that might be a good idea. I toss the bag into the bathroom sink and head to the kitchen. I crack open a container of Thai take out and sit naked on the counter as I eat cold Pad Thai.

It's ten after seven; I'm sitting buck naked on my bed and feeling like a jackass as I stare at my cell phone. I've painted my nails, braided my hair and, due to a shaving miscalculation, I am as hairless as an eleven year old. Or rather my pussy is hairless. It started out as an effort to try to even up the sides and, before I knew it, I had a tiny, crooked landing strip. There was no fucking way I was leaving it looking like that, so I just shaved it bare.

My skin is sticking to my headboard as I shift and check the time again, for the millionth time. I'm an idiot. Why did I think he was serious? Why do I do this to myself? I'm not this person. I don't get primped up for a booty call. I don't wait around for people, and I especially don't do it for douche bags like Edward fucking Cullen!

I'm about to throw my phone across the room, when it buzzes in my hand. I sigh and try to ignore how my body tingles with anticipation as I open the text message.

**Parking. Be right up.**

I smile, because I'm an asshole and I'm whipped. I quickly punch in a reply as I begin my mental preparation.

**Door is unlocked.**

I pull my braids forward, laying them across my body on either side of my breasts and hope that he likes the look of it. Then I mentally slap myself. He should be a walking hard-on as soon as he sees me. As I hear the front door open and close, I spread my legs in a slight "v" to make sure he sees my hard work.

"Leah?" Edward calls out, as I hear the rustling of fabric and imagine him pulling off a long, old-fashioned raincoat - Like Cary Grant in one of the old movies I used to watch as a child. I used to dream about being one of those girls, in the Cary Grant movies. Someone beautiful and perfect, like Audrey Hepburn.

"Back here!" I yell, and exhale slowly.

My bedroom door creaks, and I fight my own body to remain relaxed as it swings open. Edward leans in my doorway, his arm on the doorframe and his tie is hanging loosely around his neck. He's wearing a suit, his hair is hanging in damp clumps that threaten to fall into his face, and I remind myself to keep breathing.

He has that look is on his face – Just like he did last night. His dark eyebrows are pulled together and his mouth is a tight line. Now, that I recognize that this tension and intensity means he's turned on, I want to exploit it. I can see a vein sticking out on his forehead and I suck my bottom lip into my mouth. The muscles in his jaw flex and I smile.

"Well?" I ask, fed up with waiting for him to speak. "Do you like what you see?"

Edward smiles and exhales, before finally answering.

"I'd be worried if I didn't," he says with a smirk. _Smart-ass._

"Well, that would actually explain your addiction to hair care products," I say, as I start to play with one of my braids. Edward laughs and combs his fingers through his stylishly messy hair.

"Come here," he says, in a deep voice that makes me clench.

"No," I say, it with a smile, as I slide my feet up the mattress. I bend my knees, making sure to give him a better view.

"Fine," Edward makes the sexiest growl as he steps into the room and starts to pull off his jacket.

"Wait," I say as I lean forward. "Leave it on."

Edward raises an eyebrow, but puts his jacket back on, and comes to a stop at the edge of the bed. I just smirk as I lift the tip of one my braids to my mouth and chew on it.

"Now, it's your turn," he teases, as he gestures for me to come toward him with the curl of his beautifully long finger. I grin like a spoiled cat as I remember all the things he can do with that finger.

I lean forward and crawl across the bed to meet him. I rise up on my knees in front of him. As I meet his gaze, I swallow and try to not show how much he's affecting me. Edward stares at me, but doesn't touch me. We're hovering just inches apart, so close that I can feel his body heat. We stay like that for several achingly long minutes. Poised and ready, but not moving. I watch him, trying to figure out whether I would win or lose, if I move first. I'm starting to get dizzy, when he finally shifts forward.

The rough fabric of his suit jacket scrapes across my nipples. I moan softly, as he kisses me; I feel like I've lost, even though he moved first. His tongue slips past my lips as one of his hands grabs a fistful of my braids and yanks my head back. I gasp as his other hand slides between my legs and inside of me.

"You're so wet," he sounds out of breath as he says it. His fingers begin to slide over my sore clit and my hips buck.

"You're late," I hiss as he withdraws his fingers from me and traces lazy circles over me. "Don't fuck around with me, Edward."

He chuckles as he leans in and bites my neck, hard. The sting makes me hornier. I groan and hear him growl against my throat. His palm is pressing against my wet pussy, and I can feel my own heat as he cups his hand over me. Edward releases my neck, and pulls back his head.

"You're ready," he says as he licks over where his teeth had been.

"FUCK YES!" I yell, and Edward laughs. Fucker.

"Leah," Edward says my name as he smiles and shakes his head. The look makes me self conscious. I don't like to feel like he's got the upper hand, even though he's got me acting like a cat in heat. He does. I'm a heart beat away from begging him to fuck me, but I'm not about to let him know.

"Edward," I manage to sound annoyed as I say his name. He laughs, and bites his bottom lip. The sight of him so turned on makes me tremble a little. He hooks his finger into his tie and pulls it loose, sliding it free from his neck. I frown, wondering what he plans to do with it.

"Nervous?" he asks as he pushes me back toward the bed; I lose my balance and fall back against the mattress. Before I can yell at him, he falls on top of me and his mouth covers mine again. I wrap my legs around his waist, loving the feel of his fully clothed body pressed against my naked thighs. I feel his hands on my wrists and, as I realize he's going to tie them together, I feel the fabric tighten. I mumble a startled gasp into his mouth and he pulls back, and standing again.

"Looks like you're the one that's nervous," I smirk, lifting my bound wrists for emphasis.

"If you don't like it we can stop," he looks suddenly serious, and I don't like it.

"No," I shake my head. "I can take whatever you've got, Mr. Cullen," I smile as I plant my bare foot on the center of his chest and push him away. He grabs my foot and leans down to bite my ankle. I dissolve into moans of pleasure and surprise.

"We'll see," he chuckles low as he lets my foot drop and produces a condom from his pocket. I bite my lip as he unzips his dress pants and lets them drop. He's not wearing underwear. I slide my knees to my chest as the idea of Edward free-balling makes me clench. "Come back here," Edward says in a deep voice as he grabs my ankles and pulls me across the mattress. My ass slaps against his thighs and I gasp a little at the contact. He slides my legs flush against his chest, placing a kiss on my calf as he goes back to putting the condom on. Those few seconds of waiting, as I watch him squeeze himself into the condom, is a sweet torture.

"Hurry," I whisper, and he pants in a breathless laugh as he puts the tip of his cock against my trembling wet pussy.

"Leah," he breathes my name as he leans down to touch my nipple. "Tell me you want this," he says it with such sincerity, that I flush a little.

"I want it, Edward," I groan. "Jesus Christ, I'm wetter than a fucking slip-n-slide."

He laughs and that smile is back. The tenderness in that simple gesture, makes me feel strangely uncomfortable. No one has ever looked at me like this, I feel...special. It's too much. I look past his face at the ceiling.

"Look at me," he says in a low growl as he slowly slides into me. I gasp at the feel of him driving into me, I didn't realize how sore I was from last night. It burns with such intense pleasure that my whole body tightens as I rise off the bed.

"Shit," Edward sounds panicked. He slides my legs off his chest and around his waist, as he leans over me. "Are you okay?" He cradles my face in his hands, his face creased with concern.

"Don't stop!" I yell at him, and move my hips under him.

"Oh, god!" Edward closes his eyes as a shudder passes through him and I feel him twitch inside of me.

"You can just call me Leah," I chuckle as I tilt my hips and he sinks deeper, making us both moan.

Edward bends his head down as he pushes off the bed, rising up to stand, but stays inside me. His hair is a mess, hanging in his eyes as he lifts his face and looks down at me.

"You can call me whatever you want as long as you come while you say it," he gives me a vicious smile as his fingers dig into the front of my thighs and he slams into me.

"Oh fuck," I scream as pleasure explodes through me.

"That will work too," he chuckles as he continues to pound into me.

I try to shift, but my arms don't allow me enough leverage to do more than lift my hips into each thrust. I'm grunting and swearing, using every nasty word or phrase I can think of and creating a few new ones as Edward fucks me so hard I'm seeing stars.

"I'm close," I stutter, in between swearing, and I see his whole body react, his rhythm faltering. "Edward," I blurt his name and he opens his eyes, a look of panic on his face.

I lift my bound hands toward him, wondering what's wrong, and if we shouldn't be doing this. That familiar doubt creeps into the back of mind. This is _wrong;_ I shouldn't be fucking Emmett's little brother, no matter how good it feels.

"No," he sounds desperate, maybe even angry as he lifts me up and shifts onto the bed.

He crawls over me, and I loop my arms around his neck. His mouth crashes into mine as he kisses me and continues to move inside me. He pushes my arms off him and above my head. My climax sparks and ignites just as Edward starts to slide even deeper into me. He's mumbling something against my throat, but I can't focus enough to understand what he's saying.

"I'm coming," I gasp, as my body starts to tense. Edward shifts up, his hands on the sides of my face, his eyebrows are wrinkled with a look of concentration.

"I can feel you," his voice sounds shocked as his eyes widen and his whole face transforms. "Yes," he exhales, as his hips quicken their pace and drive another wave of pleasure through me.

"More," I manage to moan as another orgasms rides me. Edward gives a strangle cry, but continues to move inside me as I tremble around him.

He slows his movements as I'm still twitching and finally rests his head on me shoulder. I let out a long exhale.

"Well, that was better than a stick in the eye," my voice is strained, from all my yelling, but I feel him laugh.

I feel a little sting as he bites me shoulder, and he leans up. He hovers above me for a second, his eyes searching my face as he smirks at me.

"Cock sucking donkey whore bag?" Edward repeats back what can only be something I said while he was fucking me.

"I wasn't calling you one," I shrug and he laughs.

* * *


	3. Sex and Edward Cullen

" _More," I cry, beyond embarrassment over showing her how much she's affecting me. I need to know that it's not just me, that she feels this too._

" _It's almost too much," Leah gasps, as I slide into her again. I look down at her face and see what I'm looking for; I've never seen her look this way. She looks like she's drowning, desperate for air, and I feel my chest tighten at the sight. I take hold of her face; the feel of her skin against my hands anchors me._

" _I never thought it could be like this," I whisper against her lips, desperate for more contact, anything to intensify this connection. Leah's whole body tenses beneath me as she contracts around me, sending a wave of pleasure slamming into me._

"Edward," someone whispers my name as I feel a light tap on my forehead. I crack an eye open to see Leah staring at me. She smiles, her lips sparkling in the dim light of the bedside lamp.

"What time is it?" my voice cracks a little as I shift to sit up.

"Six," Leah sighs as she leans over to grab a large hair clip off her nightstand, and sits up. She begins to finger comb her long mane of hair into an elegant twist and fastens it into place with the claw-like-clip.

"Where are you going?" I ask as a yawn overtakes me for a second.

"Work." She stands up and I realize that she's wearing a nicely fitted light blue blouse and a pair of dark jeans. "Some of us have to do that to pay rent," she says in a half-hearted sneer as she walks over to her closet door. She pulls it open and kneels down. Shoes of every color and variety come flying out as she tosses them over her shoulder. I recognize several as cast offs from Alice's wardrobe; I've never seen Leah wear any of them.

She finally emerges with a pair of rather bland-looking penny loafers. As she slides her feet into them, I notice that her socks have little cartoon pigs with wings on a background of blue. Again, I'm beguiled by this glimpse of a side of Leah that I've never seen.

"What are you smirking at?" She asks, as she slams her closet door.

"Nothing," I stifle my smile as I pull the blanket off. "I should get going."

"No need to rush, playboy." Leah raises her hand and walks out of the room. I ignore her obvious sarcasm and try to remember where I put my clothes.

I put my feet down and nearly slip on a condom wrapper. I notice a couple of them are scattered across the floor. I pick them up and toss them into the trashcan next to the bed just as Leah reappears wearing a leather jacket and carrying a cup of coffee. The smell makes my mouth water and I try to look unaffected as I stand naked in front of her.

"Here," she says, shoving the cup toward me.

"Thanks." I take it and try to not let my shock show on my face.

"There's half a pot left. Help yourself to whatever is in the fridge." Leah walks past me to her dresser and picks up a small messenger bag that has the Seahawks logo embroidered on it.

"Okay," I say as I blow on the hot coffee. I grab her arm and pull her close to me. "Have a good day."

I gently press my lips to hers and I feel her smile. Something about the small gesture stirs me, and I press myself against her as I slide a hand over her ass. I force her lips apart with my tongue, tasting honey as she moans into my mouth. I groan back, ready to push her to the floor.

"Whoa," she gasps, and laughs softly. "Down boy," she says with a flirty smile. I feel a sharp pinch on my ass.

"Hey," I yelp, spilling some of my coffee, as she pulls away from me.

"Make sure to lock up when you leave," she says over her shoulder as she walks out of the bedroom.

"Will do," I laugh as I shake my head.

I hear her close the front door as I savor my first sip of coffee. It takes me a couple more minutes, and a few more sips of coffee, before the entire situation sinks into me. I'm alone in Leah's apartment. I sit down on the edge of her bed and think about what I should do. I think about the first night I met Leah.

Whenever Carlisle and Esme were out of town, we headed back to our childhood home to party. It was a tradition that Emmett started in high school and,even though we were adults, it still held a nostalgic thrill for us. Emmett had been jabbering all week about this hot girl he'd met at the stadium; they hooked up with at some Halloween party. So, when Emmett said that she was going to hang out with us, I was pissed, because I thought it was just going to be family not Emmett trying to score with some brainless groupie.

I love my brother, so I decided to push any issues I had with his love life from my mind; I was determined to enjoy the night with my family, whoever their friends might be. Alice and I made drinks and set up our queue of all-time favorite movies, another Cullen family tradition. Jasper showed up and things just kind of fell into place; he's always been like a part of the family. After we started drinking, it didn't take long for Alice to end up passed out on the floor. Poor Alice can never keep up with us for long. Jasper put her to bed and returned to do more shots. He eventually teased Emmett, calling him a gimp, referring to his knee injury. Not that it takes much to get to goad Emmett into becoming physical, but the injury was still a sore subject for him. Not that I was worried about Jasper, he's lived on the streets of Houston; he can handle sparring with Emmett. I sat back to watch them, when the doorbell suddenly rang.

" _That's...Leah...fuck, get off my nuts, Jasper. Ed, could you get it, please?" Emmett grunted, as he flipped Jasper on the floor. I sighed and went to the door. I tried to put on a polite front as I opened the door._

" _Hi," I said with a smile that would have been pleasant if I hadn't been so shocked._

_Being a former football star, and the son of a wealthy doctor, Emmett typically attracted a certain type of woman. However, the girl that I greeted at the door didn't resemble that type of woman at all. She wasn't wearing trendy clothes, her breasts looked real, and her face was devoid of any make-up (not that she needed any). Despite the fact that she was wearing a faded gray tank top, a leather jacket, and pair of dark blue jeans, Leah was gorgeous._

" _You must be Leah. I'm Edward. How are you? Come on in," I blathered like an idiot, as I led her into the den._

_Emmett and Jasper were still going at it, so she and I sat at the bar. I poured her a drink and a shot while I continued my stream of verbal diarrhea. We had just finished watching Chinatown before she showed up, so it seemed like an easy subject to discuss. Just as I began to explain how Polanski revived, as well as redefined, Film Noir, Leah interrupted me._

" _I'm sorry, but I'm not a big fan of Chinatown or Polanski," she said with a polite, but strained, smile._

" _Why?" I blurted out, as she frowned at me. "Honestly, I'm curious." I was intrigued, if a little annoyed. Leah shrugged and sighed before answering._

" _If Jesus could transform water into wine by the power of his divine touch, then Polanski transformed cinematic gold into a steaming pile of shit by using his Hollywood power to sexually exploit a thirteen year old girl," she said in a blasé tone as she turned to watch Emmett and Jasper wrestle on the floor._

_I was stunned speechless. My head was spinning as I struggled, and failed, to come up with a way to counter her argument. As I stared at her, I tried to wrap my mind around her comments and the fact that she stated them so plainly. It's bad enough that she'd cleverly challenged the once unshakable admiration I had for my favorite film and its creator; the fact that she was dating Emmett, on top of all this, floored me._

_My brother is a good person, but Emmett doesn't like to read, he refuses to see any movies_ that doesn't contain either a _talking cats or explosions, and the biggest challenge that he ever faced in a relationship was not getting his girlfriend pregnant. Emmett has horrible taste in women. He pursued women for sex, and little more. How he had stumbled across this intelligent, fascinating, beautiful woman was perplexing and, to be honest, a little infuriating._

My line of thinking being the only way I could rationalize why Leah would be dating my brother, to conclude must be just as shallow as all of the other vapid bitches that Emmett usually dated. I didn't bother with trying to respond to her Polanski comment. I picked up my drink, went to sit in the recliner closest to the television, and slowly drank myself into unconsciousness. My feelings were cemented when I woke up to Alice laughing at my "make-over. _"_

I sigh at the memory as I stare at Leah's small book collection, which overflows out of the small bookshelf across from the bed. Seeing a collection of Dorothy Parker's poetry doesn't surprise me. However, seeing Stephen Hawking's _A Brief History of Time_ sandwiched in between Jane Austen's _Persuasion_ and Jenna Jameson's _How to Make Love like a Porn Star_ makes me smile.

I pointedly ignore the composition notebook perched on the bookshelf. There are several other similar notebooks jammed into the bottom shelf. They're obviously journals, and though I'm curious, I can't bring myself to violate her privacy so blatantly.

I stand up and walk away from the temptation of her bookshelf. I place my coffee cup on her dresser as I notice what looks like an art piece on the wall above it. As I get closer, I realize that it's actually pictures, postcards, and other random items woven into a collage. I stand back and take in the jumbled mass of items. It's overwhelming, engrossing, and yet strangely beautiful, too.

The picture at the center catches my attention first. There's a strange blurry effect that obscures everything in the picture, except for the face of a beautiful girl standing with her head turned toward the camera. She has pale skin, dark eyes, and voluptuous lips. She's looking at the camera like she wants to hit it, and something about that look reminds me of Leah. I feel a smile come across my lips as I wonder who the girl is and look at the other photos which surround it.

There's one of a younger Leah and Jake in front a white and rust-colored model home. She has him in a headlock, and there are two older men standing behind them, smiling. I assume that the one standing is Leah's father, since I never heard her mention him being in a wheelchair. Then I realize that I've never heard Leah talk about her family much at all. I glance at another picture, this one showing a little girl in a bright red dress that I assume is Leah. Her hair is parted into two black braids, and she's holding a tightly wrapped baby. She's smiling at the camera; one of her front teeth is missing. I wonder if the baby is a family member. My gaze shifts to a postcard that catches my eye. It features a beautiful photograph of a woman's naked silhouette catches my eye; I survey all of the other items on the wall.

I spot a blurry black and white postcard that depicts a Native American man with an American flag placed in his mouth, like a gag. The words above the image read:

**Genocide – Poverty – Hunger**

**NO Thanks**

My stomach sinks as I read the words below the picture.

**NO Giving**

**What are you Celebrating?**

I stare at the stark accusation on the small postcard, and force myself walk to the bathroom.

After a short struggle with trying to urinate, the inevitable result after a night of repetitive, rough, and deeply satisfying sex, I manage to relieve myself. I should not be lingering. I shouldn't be here, and yet, here I am, again. I turn on the sink's faucet. I pick up a small bar of soap with words "Thug Life" carved into it.

I remember when Emmett went through his short-lived gangster rap phase. I was studying in the den when he was standing in front of the entertainment center, singing along with NWA. Esme was ignoring him as she attempted to clean up after us.

Clearly, Emmett wasn't thinking as he sang along with the song, and allowing one certain word to escape from his lips that he will not, to this day, ever utter again. I still remember my own shock as I watched Esme stiffen and turn to look at him; I've never seen Emmett look so horrified. I sat frozen as Esme walked over to the stereo, ejected the CD and snapped it in half.

" _Mom, I-" he tried to speak, but Esme just shook her head, not looking at him._

_He ran out of the room and up the stairs, slamming the door to his room. I watched as she dropped the broken pieces of the CD into the wastebasket near the entertainment center and looked at me._

" _I never want to hear any of you use that word in this house again, do you understand me?" Her face was flushed, and her voice trembled as her eyes began to fill with tears. "I raised you kids to be better than that!"_

" _Mom," I choked out past the lump in my throat as I jumped off the couch to get to her. If there's one thing that I can't handle, it is seeing Esme cry. I wrapped my arms around her, and tried to comfort her as she sobbed softly into my shoulder._

I splash cold water on my face and stare at myself in the mirror. I want to pretend that I don't know why I was suddenly reminded of Emmett's verbal slip-up. I want to turn around, get dressed, and never come back. My heart is thundering in my chest as a mild wave of nausea rushes over me. I place my palms against the counter and I exhale slowly.

As I look myself in the eyes, the cold water dripping from my eyelashes, the truth slaps me in the face. For the first time, I'm honest with myself about what really bothered me about Leah that night. It wasn't simply because she was beautiful, how she cleverly undermined my ego, or even my jealousy in how Emmett had inexplicably captured her attention. It was my initial reaction to seeing her, and it reflected a very ugly truth about myself.

I wasn't surprised that Emmett found a woman like Leah attractive; I was surprised that _I_ did.

Leah is the farthest thing imaginable from the women I normally date. I typically select those who seem like the "right" kind of women, ones who I could I expect to marry, with whom I could raise a family. Many of them reminded me of Esme, but the only true resemblance that they bore to her was in skin tone and breeding. I've only ever dated beautiful, wealthy, white women. Until the moment I first laid eyes on Leah, I had never looked twice at a woman of another race.

I've always prided myself on being open-minded. I thought that my education and upbringing had inoculated me against ignorance and racism. I told myself that I was too smart for that. _I was wrong._ I was just as shallow as Emmett's gold digging, airheaded, ex-girlfriends, _except I was worse_.

Despite Emmett's small, juvenile, verbal misstep, race had never been an issue for him. I'm instantly reminded of the first time Emmett described her to me.

" _This one's different, bro. She actually likes football, she's got a bangin' bod, and that mouth! Holy shit, you will not believe some of the shit she says! All that aside, she is absolutely, without a doubt, the best lay of my life. She's a fucking animal in the sack. My dick is still a little sore and it's been almost a week since I've seen her."_

He never once mentioned her skin color, because he never saw it, while it was the first thing I noticed. My sin was far greater, so much more shameful, and I couldn't face it. The trouble is that every time I look at Leah's beautiful face, I am forced to deal with it, and I still resent her for it.

I dry my face and put her towel back in place. I leave the bathroom to search for my clothes. I find my pants in a wrinkled heap at the foot of the bed. I pull them on as my mind buzzes. My shirt is a few feet away on the floor. I pick up and pull it on, but don't bother with the buttons.

My own discomfort with my shortfalls hasn't spared me from wanting Leah. In fact, the attraction is so overpowering that it threatens my self-control. I've resorted to counteracting it with anger and disdain, to salvage some of my self-respect. Leah's apparent delight in taunting and teasing me only makes things worse, spurring me to the point that I feel compelled to act out.

I remember how it used to torture me, when she and Emmett were still dating. It was bad enough that I was attracted to her, but I had to deal with her being around all the time. I had hoped that her relationship with Emmett would be short-lived, but it quickly became apparent that there was no hope of that. Emmett was deeply infatuated and had to have Leah around all the time. Soon enough, she became a fixture at all of our family functions; she practically lived with us, which resulted in me getting little to no sleep as they did their best to crack the foundation of the house.

Having her so closely insinuated into my life just added to my torture.

_I stumbled into the living room to find Leah gazing out of our front window wearing one of Emmett's t-shirts, and nothing else. She stood there, pointedly ignoring me, the early morning light outlining her body, while she drank from my Beacon Plumbing mug._

" _I'd appreciate if you didn't use my mug," I grumbled at her, as I stood behind the breakfast bar to hide my sizable erection. Truthfully, I had no real attachment to that old mug._

_Leah looked straight at me as she dragged her tongue along the rim of the mug._

" _It's mine now," she said with a smile, and turned back to look out the window._

I walk over to the dresser, grab my cup, and head into the kitchen. It's more like a hallway that leads to a small corner that is supposed to be a dining room, although it has a desk and chair instead of a dining table. I glance around the kitchen and immediately see a half-full French press sitting on the counter. I smirk and shake my head.

A few years ago, Emmett brought Leah to our parent's house for Christmas. I remember that Emmett gave her a ridiculous t-shirt that revealed more about their sex life than I ever wanted to know. I had been at a loss as to what to buy for Leah; it was expected that I would give her something. I knew that she drank coffee, or at least whenever she did whenever she was at our house, so I bought her a French press and a pound of coffee. Leah had been polite when she'd opened the present, even thanking me. Later, when I tried to explain how to use it, she told me that she probably would never use it; espresso drinks were pretentious enough for her. I was so pissed at her comment that I'd gone out and bought a gift card for her favorite cafe, just to make sure I got her something she would use.

I shake my head a little as I refill my cup, and walk over to the desk in her dining room. Her laptop is open, and the screen saver is running; the words "Boys have Penises and Jakes have Vaginas" scroll across the screen. The hot pink iPod that Alice gave Leah for that infamous Christmas sits its cradle next to the computer. I take a seat and grab the iPod to take a look at her music. My arm accidentally brushes the keyboard and the screen saver disappears.

A small window pops up asking for a password. I stare at it and ponder for a second. _What would Leah pick as a password for her computer?_ I assume it is to keep her musclehead of a cousin away, so it couldn't be something obvious. Leah doesn't have a pet, or any nicknames. I tap her iPod to my bottom lip as I try to think of what she would choose. Mostly out of curiosity, I type in something that is extremely unlikely, thinking it can't hurt - "sullencullen" - and hit enter; the window disappears to reveal her desktop. I smile as I stare at the cluttered mess of icons and shortcuts. I move the mouse over to click the iTunes shortcut when the name of a folder catches my eye:

**Alice J-lo Crap**

I know what it is, but I can't stop myself from opening the folder. The window opens, showing dozens of thumbnail images of Leah. I remember when Alice had to recreate a professional photo spread for her photography class - she picked one of Jennifer Lopez, and asked Leah to be her model. I remember Alice had whined about how it had been like pulling teeth to get Leah to do it. I never actually saw the pictures; I thought that they would be silly. As I scroll through them, I'm disappointed to see that I'm right. Leah looks uncomfortable and annoyed in most of the photos. Her natural beauty is buried under fur coats, oversized sunglasses, and too much make-up. Worse yet, her hair is a wild mane of curls. Only Alice would think it was a good idea to curl Leah's naturally sleek, straight, black hair.

I'm about to close the folder when I see a photo that's different from the others. I scroll down to see a series of black and white photos of Leah without any make-up, wearing a dark slip while standing in front of a mirror. I see one in particular that stands out from the rest. I click on it and the window expands, taking up the whole screen. Leah's hands are fisted along the bottom of the slip; it's barely long enough to cover her ass, and her head is tilted down. It's hard to tell whether her eyes are glancing downward, or closed. This has to be a candid photo - it just doesn't look like a pose; it's too natural, too vulnerable.

I stare at the way her mouth is turned down at the corners and the stiff posture of her back. It makes me want to touch her, to smooth my hand over her back and to pull her hair back from her face.

I shake myself and close the window. I start up iTunes and quickly skim her music to find something to play. I select one of her playlists and get up from the desk. I walk back into the kitchen as the thrumming rhythm of a Spanish guitar fills the air and a female voice tells me about how she wants me to want her. I pull open the refrigerator and lean down to see what Leah has to eat. I'm greeted by a strange smell, a single container of yogurt, and a block of cheddar cheese.

I stare in disbelief for a second. She doesn't even have condiments, unless a packet of _ketchup_ in the butter compartment counts.

* * *

Today has been blessedly busy. We have twenty-five new hires and I need to get them through new employee orientation before the holidays. I spent most of the morning sorting through stacks of paperwork, while the girls gave me a rundown of their weekends. Kathy, Kim and Hope make my job bearable with their stories about their families, their raunchy humor, and their friendship.

We always take our first break to run down to the coffee shop, for coffee and shit talking.

"I need a grande Caramel Macchiato, with extra caramel, a grande peppermint mocha with whipped cream, a regular grande mocha, and a venti Americano with an added shot," I rattle off the usual order as I slap down my prepaid card and try to not think about the thing I've been trying to not think about all morning.

_Edward stayed the night, again._

I push the thought away as I scrape together some money to drop in the tip jar and accept my card back from the cashier.

_Edward is in my apartment...naked._

I step out of the way of the other customers, and walk over to join the girls, next to the small condiment station.

_Naked Edward._

"Why are you glowing?" Kathy had asks, her eyebrow raised at me. I swear, she has the eyes of a hawk.

"Don't know, maybe I'm getting sick," I respond with a shrug.

"Right, you're coming down with the cockflu," Kim replies with a snort.

"Shut up, whore," I say, as I pull my stress ball out of my pocket and toss it in her direction.

"Hey," Kim yelps she ducks out of the way.

"Like you're not used to balls flying at your face, Kim," Hope says with a smirk.

I crack up as my phone begins to vibrate. I dig my phone out of my pocket.

"Excuse me," I hear a familiar voice behind me and I turn to see a barista waving at me from behind the counter, just as I put my cell phone to my ear.

"Hey, Bitchface, did I leave my Playboy at your place?" Jake is yelling into the phone. I can hear some kind of thumping rap music in the background that must be Embry's, because Jake is more of a metal fan.

"Just a minute, please," I say in a polite voice, despite a burning urge to kill him that's making my eye twitch. I lower my phone and give the pretty girl behind the counter an apologetic smile as I walk back over to the counter. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no worries," she says with a wink and holds up the paper cup that she's carefully marking with my order. "I just need to know if you want whipped cream." She gives me a flirty smile.

I've been coming here every day for the past two months just to see her smile, even though I haven't had the balls to ask her name.

"Um," I stutter for a second, because the only image in my brain involves what can be done with whipped cream and it doesn't involve her, it involves Edward. "No thanks."

I shake my head, and give her an equally flirty smile as I put the phone back to my ear. I'm immediately assaulted by some asshole rapping about getting his dick sucked.

"What do you want?" I groan into the phone as I walk to stand against the wall, while the girls make rude gestures in my direction.

"Where's my Playboy?" he yells, and I pull the phone away from my ear. "You know, the one with Moon Bloodgood on the front."

"How in the fuck should I know?" I ask, as I notice that there's a small bruise on my wrist. "Why the fuck do you want it, anyway?" I snarl, trying to cover up my shiver, as I remember how Edward had tied my wrists together.

"None of your beeswax, woman," Jake snorts.

"Just give up the skin mag and nobody gets hurt!" I hear Embry yell in the background.

"Can't," I say, with a smirk. "I'm not done with it yet."

"What the hell could you be using it-wait, don't answer that," Jake's voice goes nasally, and my smile gets bigger. He's not homophobic, but he's creeped out whenever I talk about anything sexual. I love Jake; I kind of have to, he's my cousin, but he has weird hang-ups. Like being grossed out by the idea that I have sex. Of course, I don't help the situation.

"Aw come on, Jake," I try to not laugh as I continue. "You know what it's like when you've had a hard day. You just want to crack a beer and rub one out. Plus, that centerfold of Moon Bloodgood is some seriously hot shit."

"You're a sick fucker, Leah," Jake groans through the phone. "Keep the magazine, in fact burn it. I think I'm going to be a priest."

"You are such a pussy," I laugh and shake my head.

"No, really, my dick is just for decoration, after that shit," he's laughing, too. Jake and I always play like this, though usually it's in person. I guess I am a little sad that he's moved out. I miss his annoying ass, especially since I have to cover rent on my own till Bella gets here.

"If I see it, I'll let you know," I finally say with a sigh.

"Thanks," I can hear the smile in his voice. "You're right, that Bloodgood is insanely hot. Call me next weekend. E and I want to throw a bash for the new pad. We'd love for you to come by."

"Sure thing," I say, as I hang up and look up into the eyes of the barista. She's smiling wide and holding a cardboard drink tray loaded with my order, in her hands.

"I didn't want to interrupt your conversation," she says with a wink as I take the tray.

"Thanks," I manage to squeak.

"Any time," she gives me that same flirty smile and walks back to the counter. I'm immediately surrounded by the girls and they laugh their asses off at me. _Bitches._

* * *

_I rolled off the bed and disposed of the condom, before stripping off my clothes. When I turned around, Leah was watching me with heavy eyelids._

" _Are you going to fall asleep on me?" I asked, as I crawled into bed beside Leah. I slid my naked body up against her back, enjoying the way she sighed as she pressed against me._

" _Maybe," she said with a yawn, as her legs entwined with mine and her hand reached back to comb through my hair. I leaned my head down and pressed my mouth against her neck. I wanted her again, but I didn't want to seem too eager._

" _It's a little early, don't you think?" I whispered against her ear, enjoying how her whole body trembled. I placed my hand on her hip and pulled her into me._

" _Shit," Leah gasped as my hard dick pressed against her back, and her fingernails dug into my scalp. The sensation was like an electric shock of pleasure, making me grind myself against her even harder._

_Leah shifted, rolling over and pressing her hands against my shoulders. I laughed as my back slammed against the mattress. She straddled my hips and pressed herself against me, her eyes were closed and she was biting her lips. I wanted to remember that image forever. I placed my hand between her breasts, and ran it slowly down to her belly. Her skin was so smooth and darker than my own. It was like caramel-colored suede. It sent chills through me, seeing her moving above me, feeling her cover me with her wetness._

_I slid my hand back up and around her neck, to pull her down to my mouth. As her lips pressed against mine, the angle pressed her against me and I almost slipped inside her. She inhaled sharply and pulled away._

" _Condom," she leaned over, and yanked open the drawer on her nightstand. She returned with a condom and I smiled as she fought with the wrapper._

" _Let me," I said, taking it from her and tearing it open with my teeth._

_Leah put a hand on the mattress next to my head as she lifted herself off of me. I put the condom on the tip of my head and felt the fingers of her free hand brush my lips as she pulled away the piece of wrapper still in my teeth. I shivered, but stayed focused as I rolled it on._

" _Okay," I said as I placed my hands on her hip and she lowered herself down onto me._

" _God," I hissed out a breath as she sank down, and I felt myself hit home. Leah groaned and leaned forward, her palms resting on my chest. I twined one of her braids around my hand and pulled her head down to me. Her mouth crashed against mine as she lifted up her hips. This was it, where I wanted to stay, in this moment. Leah slowly lowered her hips and I shifted mine up to meet her._

" _Fuck," she breathed against my mouth, and I nipped at her bottom lip. I felt the sharp sting as she dragged her nails down my chest and I choked out a moan._

" _My turn," I whispered as I pulled her closer, and sank my teeth into her shoulder. Leah screamed as her hips began to slam against me. I slid my tongue over her skin, to try to ease the sting of my bite._

" _Do it again," she groaned and pressed the back of my head. I felt a burning flare of pleasure ripple through my whole body. She could get me close to coming just by saying the right words. I pressed my teeth into her skin a little harder and I felt her whole body tremble. Oh, my god, she's going to come just from this, the thought thundered through my brain. I felt my own climax begin to burn at the base of my spine._

" _Wait," I choked out as I pushed her to the side and off of me._

" _WHAT?" Leah yelled, but I ignored her as I shifted to sit on my heels._

" _Come here," I grabbed her arm and pulled her back, to sit with her back to me._

" _What kind of Kama Sutra crap is this?" Leah groaned._

" _Just sit back," I growled as I looped an arm around her waist and lifted her up. She grumbled, but lowered herself back onto me. We both moaned as she rested on my lap, and I was fully sheathed inside of her, again. We sat in silence for a moment, as I wrapped my arms around her waist and breathed against the warm skin of her back._

" _I could stay like this forever," I whispered against her skin. Leah breathed heavily and I wasn't sure if she heard me. I kissed her back and she breathed out in a loud rush as she shifted up and pushed down onto me. I groaned and put my hands on her waist to try to help balance her as she continued to move._

" _Bite me," she groaned, and I was sure she didn't hear me. I dragged my teeth against her skin and she hissed as she picked up her pace._

The sound of my phone vibrating jolts me out of the memory, and I hit the button for the blue-tooth.

"Edward," Heidi's voice echoes inside the interior of my car.

"You called me," I reply, as I come to a stop at the intersection.

"Are you planning to show up some time today?" she asks, her annoyance with me clear in her voice.

"Actually, I thought that since you're so great at doing my job, there is no need for me to be there," I laugh a little as I hear her groan.

"Cullen, you know that flattery will get you everywhere with me, but we really do need you here." Heidi has a strange anxious tone to her voice.

"What is it?" I ask, as I take a right and cut through a parking lot.

"Jane," she sighs; I pull out in front of an SUV and then quickly speed up.

"Is she okay?" I don't bother to keep the tension out of my voice.

"Honestly, I don't know. She stormed out last night at bed check and she's been MIA ever since," Heidi sighs through the intercom and I hit the brakes as I come to another red light.

"Why didn't anyone call me?" I yell as I slam my fist into the steering wheel.

"We didn't think it was serious. You know how she can be sometimes," Heidi sighs, and I want to throw my phone out the window.

"I'm heading downtown. If you hear anything, call me immediately!" I say as I hang up, before she has a chance to respond.

I'm going to have to apologize for that later. Heidi just doesn't understand the kids sometimes. She sees them as spoiled, temperamental teenagers. She doesn't understand that most of them have never had a decent home or a loving word in their lives.

I took over managing the Seattle Youth Shelter about six months ago. I did it initially as a favor for Carlisle. Gareth, the former manager, had a family emergency, and since I was taking a break from work, I told Carlisle I would help out. Our family has been helping out at the shelter since we were kids. Alice, Emmett, and I still deliver Christmas gifts for all the kids on Christmas Eve, every year. It was on one of those Christmas trips that we met Jasper, who was a new kid in the shelter. Fresh off the bus from Houston, with dreams of a music career. All those hectic, late Christmases were worth it, because eventually, I had the chance to meet him. He's like my long-lost brother, and I feel like I owe the shelter everything for bringing Jasper us.

That's how I started working in the shelter, to keep things in check, while Gareth was dealing with his family's situation. The family emergency turned into a permanent retirement, and was suddenly responsible for a shelter that needed a guiding hand in order to keep it from going bankrupt. I got my former employer Aroilio "Aro" Gallo to create an endowment the shelter. I know that he did it out of the hope that I would return to my old job, eventually. After six months working with the staff and kids, I don't know if I could ever go back.

I get to the courthouse and luck out by finding an available parking space. I park and charge up as much time as I can on the prepay meter, then put the sticker on the inside of the window. It's close to lunchtime, which means that Jane would most likely be hitting up the business crowd. She's pretty, and she looks a lot younger than she is, so she likes to play the little bright-eyed homeless girl routine.

I jog across the street and head to a Vietnamese deli, scanning the crowd of lunchtime customers. I spot her right away. She's got a decent sized audience gathered around her as she rubs her small hands together.

"It's not his fault. He's a vet and the war messed him up real bad. Still, I just couldn't take it," Jane's high, little girl voice weaves a spell over all the middle class workers, her bright eyes glittering with unshed tears. It's an act; I've seen her tell a different story for each new audience. She's bulimic, her mother's bipolar, her father's a quadriplegic war veteran. Jane has a story for every situation. She tells people what they need to hear in order to give her what she needs.

"Dr. Cullen," Jane says, as I push my way through the crowd, she walks over to me and hugs me. I wrap my arm around her shoulders.

"Let's go," I say, as I start to pull her away from the crowd.

"Thanks everyone. I've got to go see Dad at the clinic," she says without missing a beat, waving at her audience as we leave.

"How high are you?" I whisper as we cross the street.

"I'm not high," she chuckles, and I stop once we get to the other side of the street. I spin her around and hold her face. Her eyes look clear, but I don't trust them.

"Where's Alec?" I ask, as I pull up her sleeves; her track marks are healing. There are no new fresh ones.

"I'm as clean as a fucking nun, Edward." she sighs, and pulls her arm free. "Do you got a smoke?"

"Where's Alec?" I ask, ignoring her question. Jane rolls her eyes and digs in her pocket.

"He's not feeling well," she says, as she pulls out a cheap pack of cigarettes and removes one.

"Shit!" I hiss, as I watch her put a cigarette into her mouth. "Is he at the Troll?" I pull it free, break it, and drop it to the ground.

"Fuck!" Jane groans, as I pull her toward my car. "You know it's that bitch, Heidi's fault. She had to get all in my face about how I like to sleep."

"Wait," I stop just in front of my car. "This is about your sleeping in the fucking nude?" I stare at her and she gives me a coy smile as she puts another cigarette in between her lips.

"I may have been in Felix's bunk at the time," she grins at me and I groan.

"Get in the car," I say as I pull the door open.

"Look who's all business," Jane says with a smirk, as I climb into the driver's seat. She digs in her pocket for what I assume is her lighter. I grab the cigarette and toss it out my window.

"Please tell me that he at least remembered his inhaler," I groan as I start the engine.

"Hey, you take that up with Tiny Tim, Mr. Scrooge," she says as she crosses her arms and leans back into her seat.

It takes longer than I expected to get to Fremont and even longer to find parking. As I put the car in park and turn off the engine, I look at Jane, who's pouting.

"We had a deal, didn't we?" I sigh and comb my fingers through my hair.

"Yeah," she answers, as she sinks further into her seat. "It's just Heidi-" she starts, and I cut her off.

"I don't care if Heidi tells you to wear a parka to bed. You'll follow the rules," I sound harsher than I mean to, and Jane jerks around to scowl at me. "We both know what's at stake here."

"Yes," the fight goes out of her as she hisses in response.

We sit in silence for a few minutes before I speak again.

"It'll be worth it," I say, and Jane sighs heavily.

"I know, Edward," Jane groans as she opens her door and I turn to exit the car.

I was ten when Emmett told me that there was a troll in Seattle. I didn't believe him. Even back then, Emmett was know for his practical jokes and pranks. I knew my brother well enough to doubt whatever he said. I was shocked when Carlisle confirmed that Emmett was telling the truth. That next weekend we went to Fremont. We walked past the Woodland Park Zoo on the way, and Alice threw a fit, because she wanted to stop to see the animals. I remember wondering if the troll scared the animals, but I didn't want to bother Carlisle. We had to drag Alice from the zoo, but we finally made it down to the Aurora Bridge. When I realized that the Troll was a huge sculpture, I was a little disappointed, but I didn't show it. I smiled as we posed next the Volkswagen bug that sat in the sculpture's hand, and Carlisle took our picture.

Jane and I walk in silence for the few blocks it takes to get to the Aurora Bridge. She grabs at lower branches of the trees that hang over the sidewalk. She pulls off the last of the stubborn leaves still holding out against the coming winter. She tears them into pieces and sprinkles them across the sidewalk, mumbling a Latin phrase I taught her during one of our study sessions. She's a ball of untapped curiosity, and boundless energy, but it is her keen ability to read people that has always been her blessing and curse.

As we approach the bridge, Jane breaks out in a run and starts calling out to her brother.

"Alec!" she yells, as she struggles to climb up the arms of the Troll. I step up in front of the sculpture, waiting near the Volkswagen bug that sits in his hand. I stare at his hubcap eye. I've always liked that someone carved a peace sign into it.

"Did you bring food?" I hear the cracked and uneven tones of Alec's voice as he calls out to his sister.

"Better," I reply, as I look up past the Troll's shaggy hair and see Alec's hooded head pop into sight.

"Edward," his voice cracks as he says my name and waves. He looks pale, and there are dark circles under his eyes.

"Get down here, you'll make me old before my time," I tell him, using a phrase that Carlisle used when we were growing up. Alec smiles brightly at me and disappears from sight. It takes a few minutes for them to reappear, walking along the Troll's shoulder. Alec and Jane are twins, but he towers over his petite sister by easily a foot and a half. All his gangly height only lends to his frail appearance, when paired with his thin, reedy figure. It's hard enough to keep weight on him when he's eating regularly, but if he's on the street, his health quickly declines.

I met them during my first week of running the shelter. Jane had been high on Meth, and practically dragged a half-conscious Alec through our doors. He was coughing, having difficulty breathing, and had a bluish tint to his skin, especially around his lips and fingernails. I knew the minute they came through the doors that this was something more than just a cold, which was what the on-site manager insisted. I took them to the emergency room, and after the doctor examined him, we found out just how sick Alec was.

"Be careful," I say, as I shove my hands in my pockets, so that they can't see them curl into fists as I watch them walk down the steep incline.

Jane walks in front of him, with slow, steady steps; her taller brother is holding her hand to help him balance as he follows behind her. This is how they've survived all these years, with a drug addict mother and a system designed to let them fall through the cracks. Jane's the strong one, the caretaker, conning and stealing whatever they've needed to survive. The one thing she can't steal or barter for is the one thing that Alec desperately needs.

Alec has aortic stenosis, and the only treatment is to get him a new heart. A heart transplant costs millions of dollars, taking into account ICU stays in the hospital, surgeon and specialist fees, and transplant medications. It might as well cost a billion dollars, as far they're concerned. I, however, have a plan. I have been working on getting Volt Corp., my former employer, to sponsor Alec's transplant. First, I have to get Alec healthy and stable enough to qualify to be a transplant recipient. I made a deal with Jane; first, she has to stay clean, and second, we have to get Alec healthy enough to qualify for the transplant. I promised Jane that if we do that, I would find Alec a heart.

"So, do we have to beg to get some Thai?" Jane says, as they make it safely down to the ground in front of me.

"Please," Alec says, as he blinks his eyes at me.

"Okay," I groan, but can't stop the smile that spreads across my face.

* * *

My phone chirps, and Hope smirks at me.

"Mind your business, woman," I hiss at her, as I slip my phone out of my pocket and glance at the text message.

**You're thinking about me. Admit it.**

"Now that's a shit-eating grin if ever I did see one," Kathy says with a sly grin.

"How would you know, do you eat a lot of shit?" I ask as I type my reply.

**Yeah, I'm thinking about how it feels like I dry-humped a belt-sander.**

"You're glowing again," Kathy whispers at me, and I try to give her my best death stare. She just laughs at me. My phone jumps and I ignore her as I check the message.

**You ready for some man meat?**

I stare at the message for a second, and then realize that it's from Emmett. I try to hold in my laughter and embarrassment as I think of how to respond. _Why the fuck is he texting me?_ My phone buzzes as I type a response.

**Silly rabbit you know I'm a vagitarian**

I open the new message from Edward.

**You want me to take it easy tonight?**

I feel my stomach do a somersault. _What does he mean by tonight? Is he coming back over? Why?_

I stare at the message, debating how I should respond, and my phone buzzes with another message.

**We're still on for tonight?**

I laugh, and get three pairs of eyes staring at me. I quickly settle down as I send the same response to both of them.

**Tonight?**

I don't want to think too hard about how fast my heart is beating as I wait for Edward's response. I get Emmett's response first, but Edward's says the exact same thing.

**Game Night**

I stare at the messages, and feel a cold lump hit the bottom of my stomach. Game Night is a tradition that Emmett and I started when we dated. We watch all the Seahawks' away games at his house, which is Edward's house, since they're roommates. I completely forgot that we were supposed to watch the game at their place, tonight. Rose is going to be there, because she and Emmett are inseparable. I punch in the same reply as I lean back in my chair.

**Sounds great. See ya then.**

This is going to be one of the most awkward nights of my life.

"Leah, are you okay?" Kim asks, looking concerned. "You look like you're going to puke."

* * *


	4. The Blitz

I nearly take off the front door as I run into my apartment. I dump my bag and coat on the floor as I slam the door, then kick off my shoes and tear off my shirt. If I get myself changed, and out of the house in twenty minutes, I should have enough time to pick up beer on the way to Emmett and Edward's place, and still make it before kick off.

I'm naked by the time I get into the bathroom. I feel like I'm covered in a three inch layer of sweat, dust and grime. I yank my towel off the rack and turn on the faucet. I dip the towel in the water and scrub at my armpits. I take a second, stare at myself in the mirror, and then grab a fresh corner of the towel, wet it and rub it hard against my pussy.

I toss aside the towel, grab my deodorant, and practically cover my upper body with it. As I jam the cap back on the deodorant, I wonder if "unscented" really has a smell. Then I wonder if I should put on some perfume, and then I remember I don't own any. I grab my tooth brush and scrub my mouth in a frantic blur. I try to not think about Edward's mouth, and what it's going to taste like tonight. I put my tooth brush in the cup next to Edward's tooth brush, and ignore how much I like the look of the two of them leaning against each other.

I sigh as I stare at Big Bird's dopey grin, and remember when Emmett bought me that cup. I had confessed that I had a crush on Big Bird when I was a little girl, and he'd joked about dressing in the suit during sex. I had immediately punched him in the gut, which earned me a quickie in the back seat of his car. Emmett surprised me with the cup a few days later.

I scratch at a dry toothpaste stain on the side of the cup, as a cold feeling of dread uncurls in my stomach. A bitter voice starts to talk in the back of my head; _I wonder how Emmett will feel about his brother's tooth brush parking in his ex-girlfriend's cup._

"Fuck!" I shake myself, and run back into my room. I rush over to my dresser and nearly pull off the drawer as I yank it open. I dig for a few seconds, and find a bra and underwear that kind of match. They're both black, and that's good enough for me. I drop to my knees, and pull open the bottom drawer of my dresser. I dig through the jeans, tossing aside several pairs until I find them.

Everyone has that one pair of jeans. You know, the ones that some how magically transform you into a supermodel. They highlight your assets, and hide all manner of sins. Mine are a threadbare pair of Levi's that I stole from Emmett. I have no idea what kind of crazy mojo was poured into these things, but when I wear them I feel like a sex goddess.

I slide them on, and look at myself in the full-length mirror. My ass is spectacular; my stomach could be better, but I can cover that up with the right shirt. I go over to the closet and start shuffling through the hangers. I find one of my favorite shirts - it's from Joan Jett 's Fetish tour. I pull it off the hanger, and smile. I remember that I made out with a hotass, petite blond during most of that show, but I don't remember her name.

_I am a slut._

I snort as I pull on the shirt and run into the kitchen. My stomach is growling, I skipped lunch in order to get out of work at a decent hour. I hope that Edward didn't eat my yogurt, because I'm starving.

I open the refrigerator to see that it's _packed_ with food. Eggs, milk, and glass bottle of fresh squeezed orange juice. He even got a bottle of white wine. I can feel my head start to throb as I spot a whole roasted chicken. It's surrounded by several white containers with undecipherable labels on them. They look fancy, and fucking expensive. I feel the muscles in my neck tighten as I pull open the small drawer that I use for lunchmeat. It's full of slices and wedges of cheese, as well as small wax paper packages with printed labels. I see the words prosciutto, smoked turkey, and Black Angus roast beef. I slam the drawer shut and take a deep breath before I open one of the produce drawers. It is filled with fruit; Oranges, grapes, even a c _antaloupe_.

_A fucking cantaloupe?_

I slowly close the drawer, and stand up. I don't bother to open the vegetable crisper. I don't want to know what else he bought. I run my hand over the top of the door and debate about whether I should bother to look in the freezer. I decide against it, and close the door. I step back from the refrigerator, but I can't stand to look at it.

I glance at the counter top and see more food. A long baguette, a box of fancy crackers, a small salami, and a bottle of Piont Noir are neatly lined up on the counter. Then, I spot a large pink, bakery box tied with a white piece of string sitting next to one of my old plastic pitchers. The pitcher is full of a bright, cheery bouquet of flowers. There's a small piece of paper tucked under the bottom of the pitcher. I sigh as I walk closer to see what it is.

It's a note, with painfully elegant handwriting scrawled across it. The message can only be from Edward.

_I ate your cheese_

I decide to fight the traffic between my place and the guys' house, stopping to get beer in Green Lake. I'm staring at the intimidating beer section of QFC. _Ah, Quality Food Center, how I loathe thee._ I never come to grocery stores like this – the kind that have wine sections, and don't carry Easy Cheese. I can feel the upwardly-mobile types giving me the hairy eyeball as I desperately search for a familiar brand name.

I stare at the mile-long cooler case, and feel like I'm in some fucked up special beer drinker's hell. I should have just stopped at 7-11. I have some pretentious micro-brew that I've seen Edward drink before, and I have a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade for Rose. Emmett will drink whatever beer is in the house; he's not picky. Neither am I, I only have one requirement; my beer has to be cheap. I finally spot an eighteen-pack of Rainier and say a silent prayer of thanks to the beer gods.

* * *

"Penetrate up the middle, tight end, go deep," Emmett yells as he counts on his fingers.

I made the mistake of challenging him to list every football term that could substitute as a sexual innuendo. Usually, his antics would drive me out of the house, or at least to the sanctuary of my room, but I don't mind it tonight. I'm only half paying attention to him. My eyes keep drifting back to Leah. She's laying across my couch, with her legs draped over Rose and Emmett. This is their standard game viewing position. I used to wonder if there was something going on between the three of them, but when I asked Emmett about it, he just laughed at me. I took that to mean "no."

Her hair is flowing over the edge the couch, and pooling on the beige throw rug. My hand itches as I watch the ebony curtain tremble while she laughs at Emmett.

"Jesus Christ," Rose groans, as she slaps Emmett's shoulder.

"Pump fake, double fight formation, wide receiver, illegal use of hands," Emmett continues, unfazed, and I glance back at Leah. Her dark lashes lift, and her eyes fix on me for a second. Her lips curl in, as her pink tongue peaks out to wet them. A thrill runs through me, like making my cock feel like it is hooked to a car battery.

"I give up," I yell over the top of him, as I drag my eyes from her face. "You win."

"Yes!" Emmett punches the air with his fist, while I roll my eyes. "It's not over."

"No," I groan, and cradle my forehead in my hand. Rose and Leah groan with me.

"Shut it, people," Emmett shouts as he gestures for us to quiet down. "Now, you each have to pick your favorite one. Edward?"

"What?" I ask, as I glare at him. I played football in high school, but I never paid much attention to the specifics, other than learning the plays that I needed to get through a game. I was a wide receiver - all I needed to know was how to run fast and catch the ball. "Holding," I blurt out the first thing that comes to me.

"Nice one, E," Emmett gives me a thumbs up and I sigh. "Ladies?"

"Fourth quarter conversion," Rose says with a smirk.

"Fucking tease," Leah sneers, as she lifts one of her impossibly long legs and slaps the bottom of her foot against Rose's thigh. I don't understand what they're talking about, and part of me doesn't want to know.

"Ouch, bitch," Rose laughs as she smacks Leah's foot away. "Your turn."

"Ugh, I hate this shit," Leah groans as she tilts her head back against the couch cushion, and lifts her ass up to reposition herself. I have to do some repositioning of my own, to cover how much watching her hips move affects me.

"We're waiting," Emmett nags, and I look up to see Leah looking flustered as Rose and Emmett stare at her.

"Okay, I got one," she says with a grin, and bites her bottom lip. "Muff."

Emmett howls with laughter, as Rose and I stare.

"That is NOT a football term," Rose says with a wide grin.

"No, baby, it is," Emmett pats her shoulder as he continues to chuckle. "It's when the guy that's holding the ball for the kicker fumbles. He 'muffs it.' Fucking genius." He claps his hands, as Leah slides her hands behind her head, in triumph. Her breasts shift under her t-shirt as she moves, and I fight to maintain my composure.

"Well done," I say in a condescending tone as I clap. Leah glances up at me, and I try to ignore how my heart beats a little faster as her beautiful lips turn down into a frown.

"Yeah, high five," Emmett hoots as he grabs her ankle and slaps his hand against the bottom of her foot. Leah lets out a startled cry, and I tense.

"Emmett," she growls his name like it's a threat, and Emmett immediately grins.

"Rose," he says it as he wraps his arm around Leah's ankle.

"NO!" Leah screams as Rose immediately leans over and grabs Leah's wrists.

She starts to buck like a wild horse as Emmett's fingers dance across the soles of her feet. I drink the rest of my beer in one long slug as I try to ignore the sounds that are coming out of Leah's mouth, and how they remind me of the sounds that she makes for me.

"Fucking stop!" Leah howls, as she leans up, and tries to slam her head forward. Rose cackles as she dodges back out of the way of Leah's attempted headbutt. Leah's snarls as she leans forward.

"Take it, bitch!" Rose hisses as she leans in toward Leah, their mouths are just inches apart.

"I need a beer," I mumble as I rise up from my chair, and head to the kitchen.

I force myself to walk away slowly, and to look calm, despite the tension that's making my shoulders ache. All the while, Leah's screams, and their laughter fills my ears.

* * *

"Holy shit! Oh my god, fucking stop!" I plead, as tears start to leak from my eyes.

Rose is staring at me, and I know she's fucking with me. She's always taken an evil delight in flirting with me, even though she as straight as a fucking 2x4. I should have never admitted to her that I find her attractive. I also shouldn't have told her that I call the straight girls that I've slept with; "Fourth quarter conversions."

_Bitch loves to tease me._

"Say please," Rose says in a soft whisper, as she brushes her lips against mine.

I growl and try to bite her mouth, but she just laughs as she pulls back. I can hear Emmett mumbling something crude, but I ignore him, and try to catch my breath.

"Please, Rose," I gasp, and she smiles wide as she lets go of my wrists.

"Okay, stop," she says as she leans back, but Emmett is still tickling me. "Emmett!" Rose yells as she grabs him by the ear.

"Fuck, fine!" Emmett screams and lets me go. I immediately roll off the couch to slam face first into the floor.

"Shit, you okay?" Emmett asks.

"Yeah," I groan, as I start to get up.

My ribs ache from laughing so hard, and my arms are weak from struggling with Rose. I get to me knees, in front of Edward's chair, and notice that he's gone. I remember how I'd caught sight of him adjusting his dick a few minutes ago. The sight of Edward touching himself, and the pained look on his face, had made me wet and hopeful.

"Fuck, I need a beer," I say as I stand up. "You guys good?" I ask as I look at them.

Rose is giving me a look that I do not want to deal with, but Emmett holds out an empty bottle to me. I take it as I ignore Rose, and head to the kitchen.

Their bright modern kitchen looks like something out of Martha Stuart's Living. I'm sure that Esme or Alice designed it for them. There's just no way that either Edward or Emmett cares enough to make sure that each of their appliances match.

"Do you need to change your pants?" Edward's sharp, condescending voice greets me as I enter the kitchen, and see him leaning against the counter.

"Well, I guess it is nice to know that some things never change," I grumble as I open the refrigerator door.

He's been acting like his usual aloof, asshole self ever since I arrived. I don't know what I expected, but I know that I'm annoyed with myself for being so disappointed that he's acting like he always does. I'm about to grab a beer when I feel something brush up against my ass. I stand up, and immediately feel something warm and solid behind me.

"What are you doing?" I ask, as his hands smooth down the sides of my thighs and I feel his breath tickle the back of my neck.

"I believe this is called foreplay, but don't quote me on it," Edward chuckles as his hands slide over my breast and he nips at my earlobe.

"Leah, could you grab me a Rainier? Edward's shit beer is giving me gas," Emmett yells from the living room.

"I got it," I yell back.

"You've got no taste," Edward yells back, and Emmett laughs in response. I attempt to lean forward to grab the beer, but Edward stops me.

"Why are you in a hurry?" He asks as he presses against me. I can feel his hard dick as it tries to tattoo its outline on my ass.

"We can't just fuck right here," I hiss, and Edward gently brushes his nose against my neck. "Though if you keep fucking doing that, we're going to," I sigh as a shiver runs through me.

"Hey, grab me some chips, will ya babe?" Emmett yells from the living room.

"Sure thing," Rose says, her voice close to the kitchen. Edward pulls away from me as I lean back down.

"What's taking so long?" Rose asks as I glance at her over the door of the fridge. She's staring at me with that same look; like she is waiting for me to do something crazy. She always gets weird and protective toward me around the holidays. I suppose that I have myself to blame for that.

"I need some help carrying these," I say, trying to look innocent as I stand up with my arms full of bottles.

"Of course. I don't suppose that Edward's going to help," Rose replies as she takes two bottles from me, and grabs a bag of chips off the counter.

"Like I'm going to wait on you, in my own home," Edward's voice is muffled and I glance over my shoulder to see him on the other end of the kitchen with a cupboard door open, blocking my view of his face.

"The horror, you might break a nail!" Rose sneers as she walks out of the kitchen. I turn, and am about to follow her, when I hear him say something.

"What?" I ask, looking back at him.

"Halftime," he says quietly, staring at me over his outstretched arm. I feel my whole body contract as I watch his lips spread in a smile.

"Holy shit," Emmett's scream makes me jump. "Leah, where the fuck are you?"

I turn and quickly leave the kitchen, still confused over what Edward was talking about.

"What are you screaming about?" I ask, returning to the living room.

"SEATTLE SCORES!" Emmett yells as he stands on the couch. He looks like a giant two year old, doing a hip thrust dance, as he chants his victory cheer. Rose has the remote in her hand, as she rewinds it for me. She and Edward are the only ones that know how to work the damn DVR.

I rush over to sit down, as T.J. Houshmandzadeh runs backward across the field. I set down the beer that I apparently got for Edward on the table between the couch and his chair.

"Stop, hit play!" Emmett barks out the command while bouncing on the couch.

"Shut up!" Rose growls at him.

"Get off the couch!" Edward shouts. I glance over and see that he's smiling as he walks into the room.

"Unclench for two seconds, E," Emmett sighs, and steps down off the couch.

"Better door than a window!" Rose sneers as Edward walks in front of the TV, blocking our view. I try to not look at him, but he's staring at me.

"Go! Go!" Emmett's chanting, while Edward walks toward me.

"Stop shaking me, you idiot!" Rose shouts. Edward stops right in front of me, blocking my view of the TV with his body.

All I can see is the outline of Edward's dick in the crotch of the designer jeans, and my mind grinds to a halt. It feels like smoke is pouring out of my ears as I slowly look up the line of his body and meet his gaze.

_What the fuck is he doing?_

"Oh, you got me a beer?" Edward says, leaning down to pick up the bottle, his face hovering above mine. "Thanks." His breath caresses my face, and I wonder if it's possible to stroke-out from sexual tension.

"Touchdown!" Emmett screams, just as Edward swivels on one foot and drops into his chair.

"You missed it," Rose says with a stern look.

"Leah, that was the best fucking play of the season," Emmett groans, as he stares at me like I'm an asshole.

"It's Edward's fault, he was standing in the fucking way!" I shout back, trying to cover up how fucking turned on I am.

"I was just getting my beer," Edward exclaims, his face the picture of innocence.

I watch him from the corner of my eye, and catch him smirking at me, while he brings put the bottle to his lips, and tilted it up to take a drink. His Adam's apple bob slowly, with each swallow, and I wonder if he's going to keep fucking with me like this for the rest of the night. It was easier when he was just ignoring me.

_Why do I do this to myself?_

Thirty minutes later, the quarter ends. I practically launch myself off the couch, saying that I need to piss like a racehorse, making Emmett and Rose laugh. I swear I can feel Edward's eyes burn a hole in my back as I dash down the hallway to the bathroom.

"Why me?" I mumble to myself, while the I let warm water run over my hands. I've been hiding in the bathroom for the past five minutes, since halftime started.

"Can't wait to get that sweet ass naked," I can hear Emmett's voice clearly through the bathroom door. I shut off the water and press my ear to the door.

"Shut your hole and get the fuck in the room," Rose's voice is easy to hear, despite the fact that's she's whispering.

_Fuck!_

My heart is drumming in my chest, making me a little nauseous, as I carefully open the door and peer around the corner. Emmett's door slams shut, and I sigh.

"About time," Edward's voice startles the shit out of me, and I swing my head around to other end of the hallway to see him standing there.

_Halftime._

I suddenly remember what he'd said in the kitchen, and as the meaning finally becomes clear, I begin to tremble. Edward moves so fast, I don't have time to say anything. He grabs my wrist and pulls me towards his room, opening the door quickly and tossing me inside. I trip on my own feet, stumbling into to the end of his bed. I hear the door shut, and I turn around to look at him.

"Since you wasted time in there," he sounds breathless as he crosses the room toward me, "you'll have to just owe me."

I make the worst squawking noise as his mouth slams into mine, and we crash down on the mattress. Before I can manage to do more than moan into his mouth, he has my jeans open and pulled halfway off my hips.

"Edward," I gasp as he pulls away and moves down my body, that hungry look on his face.

"Yes?" he asks, his breath tickling across the bare skin of my stomach. I suck in a breath, and feel my muscles clench. His hands hook into my jeans and underwear. He yanks them off in one smooth movement, and dropping them to the floor.

"Nice," Edward sighs as he looks at me, putting a knee down on the mattress, and presses his finger against the inside of my thigh. I let him slowly push my leg to the side, as I lean up on my elbows. He shifts his other leg on the bed, so that he's crouched on his hands and between my legs.

"Your turn," I say, sounding breathless while he slowly shakes his head.

Edward smirks up at me as he lowers his chest to the bed and slides his hands under my ass. His fingers grip my ass cheeks and drag me across the bed to him. I nearly shout as he lowers his mouth to me. I can't stop myself from making an embarrassing moan. His tongue slides down my pussy to the crack of my ass. I make a startled cry. There is something so fucking hot and wrong with Edward sliding his tongue over my ass.

"Shh," his hot breath cuts across me, making me let out a strangled cry. I flail around, my hands beating the bed around me. I touch something and I grab it. I pull it close and find that I've snagged one of his pillows. I cover my head, pressing it down as Edward's tongue returns to tickle along a part of me that hasn't seen any kind of sexy action in years.

Edward's tongue traces it's way up to my pussy, and I bite at the soft fabric of the pillowcase.

_Oh Great Spirit of my ancestors, grant me the serenity to not scream like a wanton whore as his tongue gently slips into me._

He moans against my clit as his lips slide over me, sending vibrations through my body that reverberate in my brain. I feel the pull just as the sound of the wet slurp echoes in my ear, and a lighting bolt of pleasure threatens to make me bite off the tip of my tongue. My face is covered in sweat, from breathing heaving against the smothering fabric of the pillow. I pull it away, to get a clean, cool breath of air. I look down the line of my body, to see Edward's eyes sparkle with menace as he looks back at me. I see the muscles in his jaw flex as he opens his mouth over me. Heat envelopes my pussy, magnifying the sensations, making me jerk a little. I feel the sharp sting of his teeth pressing into the sensitive skin stretched over my pelvic bone.

"I'm close," I whisper, and Edward's eyes close.

His tongue slows down, and I let out a frustrated hiss of air. He lifts his head, and shifts up to bring his face close to mine. I can smell myself on him, and I have a hard time catching my breath. Edward's eyes are darker than usual; his face is shadowed. He looks like he's in pain.

"How close are you?" He asks as his hand slides over me.

"Shit," I gasp, as his finger enters me. "Don't fucking stop!"

"Whatever you say," he chuckles, his breath dancing over my face; his fingers slam into me, then swivel. A body-shaking tremor rocks me hard, making me grunt and grind my teeth.

"Please," I hiss as I turn my head, and I feel his hair tickle my lips.

"What do you want," Edward moans against my temple.

"Fuck me," I groan, as quietly as I can manage.

"I will," he whispers, his lips into a soft kiss against my earlobe. His fingers are pounding into me, his hand beating a rhythm against my pelvic bone that shaking my whole body.

"Harder," I growl, twisting my neck at a painful angle to capture the corner of his jaw in my teeth, then I bite down.

"Fuck!" Edward groans, as his fingers continue to fuck me so hard, I can't manage to breathe.

My climax slams into me like a ton of bricks to the face. The air leaves me in a rush as my body tightens, closing like a fist around his still moving fingers.

* * *

"Mmm...I'm gonna get a second helping of that tonight," I whisper in Rose's ear as we walk back into the living room.

"We'll see," she blushes a little and laughs, as her elbow sinks into my gut.

_Fuck, I love this woman._

"Ew," Leah groans from the couch. Her head is tilted backward over the arm of the couch, as she smiles at us. "Please no PDAs, unless I get action too."

"You wish, slut!" Rose cuts me off before I can respond. I watch as she jumps over the back of the couch to fall on top of Leah, who grunts from the impact.

_I love my girls._

I remember that once Ed had asked if we were a threesome. God, how I wish we were; it would make things so much easier, especially for Leah. I lean over the back the couch as the girls play-wrestle.

"Got room for a some meat in that sandwich?" I try to sound as sleazy as possible while leering down at them.

"No!" They both respond at the same time. I make a big deal of sighing as I stand up.

"FUCK!" Ed's unmistakable shout comes from the kitchen and I'm running through the entryway within seconds. My little brother is bent over, his hands cradling the side of his face.

"ED!" I rush over to him, but he holds his hand up, and I stop.

"Fucking door came off the hinge and knocked me in the face," he says in a muffled groan as he looks up at me, and points at the cupboard door that's dangling by the bottom hinge.

"Let me see," I say, pulling his other hand away from his face.

"It's fine," he mumbles, and fights me a little.

"Bullshit," I grumble. Edward's nowhere near as strong as I am, so his fight is short-lived. Once I get a good look at the red mark that the door made on his jaw, I hiss despite myself.

"Is it bad?" Edward asks, sounding nervous.

"It ain't pretty," I say with a relieved sigh. "You must have caught the corner. There's a little bit of blood." I dab at the tiny red dot, and wipe my jeans.

"What a klutz," Rose chuckles from behind me, and I feel Edward tense.

"Shut up," Edward growls. I tip his face up into the light, and lightly press around the bruise. It doesn't seem like he damaged his jawbone. He can talk shit as good as ever.

"Does that hurt?" I ask, and wonder why the fuck Ed is suddenly so pissy.

"No," he says with a sigh.

"How did you do it?" Leah asks, her voice sounding strange.

"Does it matter?" Edward snaps at her through gritted teeth.

"Come on, Leah," Rose says, and I glance over my shoulder at the girls. Leah's got this look on her face that I haven't seen in long time, and it feels like someone's booted me in the chest.

"Get out!" Edward growls. "The show's over."

Leah flinches as Rose pulls her out of sight, and I turn back to Edward.

"Watch your mouth," I hiss as press my thumb into his bruised jaw.

"AH FUCK!" Edward shouts and pulls free of my grip.

I glare at him, and he blushes, but he doesn't say anything. Edward knows that he has crossed a line. This isn't the first time I've had to put him in check.

When I started seeing Leah, he was all bent out of shape. Poor Edward had no idea how to handle a girl like her. He was used to the pampered, proper, little tightass debutantes, who fell over each other to have the privilege to suck him off. Leah's a completely different animal.

" _Who in the hell does she think she is?" Edward ranted as he sat down at the dinning room table with his freshly washed coffee mug. "A guest is supposed to be respectful. Selfish bitch."_

" _Ed," I slapped my hand down on the table, making it move enough that he had to grab his coffee cup before it toppled over. "You can say whatever you want about Leah, but you'll do it to her or in front of her. You got me?"_

_Edward stared at me as he started to blush. I didn't like talking to him like that, but sometimes he had to be put in check. Leah was my girl, and she deserved his respect, whether he thought so or not. I knew that Leah could handle herself it; I just wanted to give her a chance be able to defend herself, in person, which she did with the savvy and style of a natural smart-ass._

"I'm sorry," Edward mumbles as he turns away from me, and immediately I feel like a a jerk. I know that he'll beat himself up ten times worse than he deserves. That's the Catch-22 with Edward. Even when he's being a douche and deserves to be kicked in the ass, no one can ever hurt him more than he does to himself.

My little brother is forever striving to be a good man, working twice as hard and long than everyone around him. The funny thing is that he's already a good person, one of the best, if you ask me. His heart is in every fucking thing he does, even when doesn't really love it what he's doing.

Like when he played football. Edward was a great player. He worked hard, learned the plays and gave his best whenever he was on the field, but he didn't love the game. He would stare at our play books for hours, memorizing, and trying to puzzle out how it all worked. I never did that shit.

Football isn't about the pattern, the plays or any of that shit. It's about passion, drive and instinct. Some of my best plays were a split second decision that had nothing to so with what the coach, and I had planned. I saw an opportunity, trusted that my team would follow my lead, and went for it.

Edward, doesn't work like that, he thinks shit through, and picks it to death, before he does anything. It's not his fault; he's always been this way.

"Hey," I sigh, hooking my hand around his neck, to pull him back to me. "Just take it easy on Leah, okay?"

"Okay," he nods without looking at me.

"Ed," I groan, and gently shake him.

"What?" he grumbles, and looks at me out of the corner of his eyes.

"When was last time you got your knob polished?" I try to sound really concerned, and fight back my laughter as Edward's face flushes bright red.

"Fuck you," he laughs, and pushes my hand off; I playfully pat his stomach with the back of my hand.

"Hey, I'm asking out of brotherly concern," I chuckle as I step back, and hold up my hands.

"Why don't you polish your own knob, fuckstain," Ed growls, walking away from me, but I see his smirk and breathe a little sigh of relief.

* * *

"That had to be the worst collection of bullshit calls in the history of football," Emmett bellows as he tosses a throw pillow at our 72" plasma wide screen television. It makes me more than a little annoyed; that television was a present from our parents.

I understand his anger. It always breaks his heart to watch his team lose, and the Seahawks never fail to disappoint when it comes to that.

"Hey," I say, tossing a bottle cap at him and miss entirely. It bounces off the wall behind him, and ends up hitting Rose in the side of her head. I stifle my laughter.

"Watch it!" Rose growls, just as Leah erupts into howling laughter. "Fuck you, Leelee," Rose uses a nickname that only she alone uses for Leah, which has always puzzled me.

"Oh, come on, Rose," Leah says with a coy smile, as she runs her hand down Rose's arm. The gesture is intimate and makes me uncomfortable. "You know the head is the only place you can hit a blonde without hurting her."

Emmett explodes with laughter, and even I can't contain my soft chuckling as Rose pushes Leah onto the floor, and starts to beat her with a couch cushion.

"You know, that's hot and all," Emmett spits out between busts of laughter. "But Rose and I need to head back to her place."

"That's fine," Rose says breathlessly as she stands up. "This little bitch is done."

"Not likely, bitch," Leah hisses and playfully kicks at Rose' leg. Rose doges the blow, and her eyes get big as she crouches, like she's going to jump back on top of Leah.

"Whoa," Emmett grabs Rose around the waist, and pulls her back. "I'll catch ya tomorrow, Ed."

"You're so dead," Rose hisses as Emmett drags her toward our front door.

"Promises, promises," Leah practically purrs from the floor as Emmett drags his smiling girlfriend out of our house.

* * *

"I was thinking that we could stay with my mom before Thanksgiving, and then head over to my dad's place afterward," Rose says as she props her feet up on the dashboard.

"Sounds good," I reply as I steer the car through the narrow streets.

"Did you decide whether we should take the bus or rent a car?" Rose asks, and I glance at her for a second.

"I don't know, a car sounds fine," I answer with a shrug.

"Are you sure?" She asks; her voice sounds concerned.

"Sure," I reply, but then hesitate. "Um, unless you think we should take the bus."

"You didn't look at the itinerary," she groans and kicks the dashboard with her heel.

"Hey," I yell as I lean over to run my hand over the dash. Her heel slams into the center of my hand pinning it in place and I hit the brakes. Thank baby Jesus, we're on an empty residential street.

"Where is it?" Rose is talking through her teeth as her heel pushes my hand into the hard plastic of the dash. This would make me mad, if it didn't turn me on so much.

"I...I don't know," I stutter as I shift, so my rock hard dick doesn't throb so much. "I think it's still at the house."

"I can't believe you left it," Rose groans as she lowers her boot and I pull my hand back.

"I was a little distracted," I tell her as I flex my hand, and then turn the car around. It's strange that I love this part of her as much as the soft side. She's so strong that she can be scary, but I love it all. I'd never change Rose in a million years. For all the venom she spews, it only serves to make the sweet parts of her even sweeter. Not that I don't like the rough treatment. My iron-hard dick sure as fuck likes it.

"You better be more on the ball when we get to Madison," she sighs, and leans against her door.

Rose is stressing herself out for no reason. We're going back to see her family for the holidays, and she's freaked. Rose's got a lot a shit piled up with them. I don't have to be a genius to know this; I just have to mention her family and see the dark shadow that covers her face.

"You need to simmer, baby," I say, patting her thigh, and get a scathing look for my trouble. "It's on the kitchen counter. I'll just run up and grab it."

"You should to see if Leah wants a ride home," she says, out of nowhere.

"Why?" I give her a sideways glance. "She said she was just going to hang out till she sobered up enough to drive home." I lift an eyebrow at my woman, because she doesn't do shit for no reason.

"Well, in case she wants to head home now," Rose mumbles as she turns toward the window. She doesn't do coy well.

"What the fuck is up, woman?" I slow down as I see our driveway up ahead.

"I just don't think she should be alone with Edward," she sighs, and I hear her shift in her seat. "She's not in the best state of mind right now."

"You've got a point," I sigh, and fight past the sudden tightening in my chest.

This time of year is always a boot in the ass for Leah. She's got some family thing that comes up this time of year, and it always makes her screwy. I used to arrange to meet her at the Dairy Queen in Aberdeen the Sunday after Thanksgiving, when she'd be driving back from the Rez.

I saw a different side of Leah on those Sundays. I remember the look she had on her face in the kitchen, when Edward was being a bitch; it reminds me of the way she looked after visiting her family. I've never understood it. I love my family. I don't think I could stand being away from them as much as Leah is away from family.

"Maybe we should just cancel the trip." Rose's voice sounds strained. I tighten my grip on the wheel as we pull into the driveway, and I put the car in park.

"That's crazy talk and you know it," I say, reaching out, and pull her into my arms. "Leah's never going to forgive us if we skip this trip to babysit her, you know that."

"You're right," Rose says in a slow exhale, and she relaxes into my arms.

"Whoa, can I get that in writing?" I say with a chuckle and get a nipple pinch for my trouble. "Oh yeah," I hiss at her and gently bite her earlobe.

"Go, you horn dog," Rose says with a soft laugh and leans up.

"Cockblocker," I chuckle, as I pinch her ass cheek and open my door.

"Ouch, fucker!" She squeals and I jump out, closing the door before she can hit me.

I take the stairs two at time, hoping that the travel paperwork that Rose gave me is actually on the kitchen counter, like I said it was. Hell, I'm horrible at this kind of shit. I told her that she should just arrange everything and I would hand over my credit card. However, my girlfriend will NEVER let me off that easy. We had to slip, the cost of the trip, and she insists on talking about every fucking detail.

I make it to the front door and turn the knob, only to find that it's locked. _Funny, I swear that I didn't lock it when we left._ I reach into my pocket and pull out my keys.

* * *

"Are you really too drunk to drive home?" I ask as I follow her into the kitchen. Leah always cleans up after any of our get-togethers. I used to think it was just a way to make up for the fact that she never brought much to the party, other than beer and attitude. Now, I see it as sweet, maybe even considerate.

"Actually, yeah," Leah says with a sigh. "I didn't really eat much today."

"Really?" I ask, and I see her back stiffen. I want to ask if she saw the food that I left for her, but something in the back of my mind tells me to let it go. "Well, I don't mind if you stay. I was just curious."

"That's what Emmett said," she says it in a clipped tone, letting me know that she's pissed about something.

I know she's made about how I snapped at her about the cupboard door, but I don't want to waste time arguing about it. Besides, I am still a little pissed that I had destroy one of my kitchen cabinet's doors to cover up the bite mark that she gave me. I take the bottles out of her hands and set them on the counter.

"Leah," I sigh, and try to turn her body to face me. Her eyes remain on the sink, as she sighs heavily.

"Yes?" She looks at me, her dark eyes asking so many questions that I don't have answers for.

"Stop wasting time," I say as I lean down to kiss her, and feel her relax a little.

Our mouths move with a slow, patient pace, that we've never had, before. We have the whole house to ourselves, and I want to take her, on every surface of my house. I slowly back us out of the kitchen. I want to christen it, but I'm still a little sore from several days of steady sex. I grab her hips and pull back from the kiss.

"Couch," I gasp, as I push her in the direction, and she grabs my wrist as she practically runs toward it.

"So," Leah says in a coy hum as I push her back to sit on the couch. "I believe I owe you."

She's staring up at me through her eyelashes, and I feel myself stiffen at the intent and meaning in her words and gaze.

"Oh, really?" I ask as slide my hands against her cheeks and lean down to kiss her lips. She grips my wrists and I feel her smile against my lips.

"Yes. Now, get the pretty face out of my way," she says as she pushes against my chest. I stand back upright and feel a tingle of anticipation flutter through me as she starts to unbutton my jeans.

* * *

"Emmett?" Edward yelps as I throw open the door.

"Yeah, I forgot our trip info," I mumble as I walk toward the kitchen. The red folder is sitting on the counter, next to the phone charger. Now I remember that I set it there, right after Rose handed it to me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Edward hisses in an odd, strangled tone. He's probably still bent out of shape over what happened earlier.

"I'm just getting my shit. I'll be out of your hair in a second."

"Okay," he chokes on a cough, and I look at him. He's leaning over the back of the couch; his face looks strange, like he might puke.

"Are you okay?" I ask, and start to walk towards him.

"Fine," he blurts out and puts up his hand. I watch his face; it looks like he's struggling with something. I wonder how bad I must have hurt his feelings.

"Where's Leah?" I ask, as I glance down around the room.

"Bathroom," he sighs as his eyes roll up into his head. That's the attitude that just lays a hair across my ass.

"Look," I sigh, and scratch my head. "I didn't mean to hurt ya, bro. I'm just worried about Leah. I know you two have your issues, but please go easy on her, at least over the holidays, okay?"

"Okay," Edward sighs in a long slow exhale. I wonder if he's drunk, but I'm not going to stick around to find out.

"Make sure that she's okay, before she leaves," I say as I turn toward the door. "I don't want her driving drunk."

"I promise," he groans, and I fight the urge to turn around. "I'll take care of her."

'Thanks," I say, as I close the door behind me.

Rose is going to be pissed that I didn't get Leah to leave with me, but Leah is a big girl, and if she needs to be rescued she'll ask. Besides, if Rose is pissy I might get some rough and raw action. I smirk at the thought and skip down the stairs to the driveway.

* * *

"Jesus Christ," I sigh as the door closes, and I ease back.

I look down and watch my wet red cock slowly slides from Leah's full lips. As I pull away from her mouth, I instantly feel the loss of her heat. Her eyes are dark and she grins up at me.

"That was fun," she laughs in a breathy sigh, wiping away the moisture from around her mouth.

"You're going to pay for that," I groan, as she slides her hands over the backs of my naked thighs to cup my ass.

"You know, you keep saying that," she smirks, and pulls me back toward her and returns her attention to my cock.

* * *


	5. Strange Attractors

**From: Demetri Crawford [** **DeCrawford@** **volt.com]  
Date: November 9, 2009 8:05:39 AM PST  
To: Edward Cullen [edwardcullen@Seayouth.com]  
Subject: New Project **

Ed,

The old man's got another project for you. I've attached the file and, per usual, he needs it two weeks ago. Apparently, the last beautiful mind that took a stab at it got their walking papers today.

So, run this up your flagpole and see if it flaps.

De

P.S. Before you ask, I don't know the progress of your little request, but I will check on it...once you complete this project. Capiche?

* * *

I laugh quietly as I read Demetri's email. He is one of my best friends, which he says doesn't reflect too well on me. He likes to refer to himself as morally flexible. I suppose that comes in handy when you're in human resources. He's a recruiter, a headhunter of sorts, and he is good at what he does. The best, if you ask him. After all, he convinced me to take a break from medical school to pursue a career with Volt.

Carlisle did his first research study with Volt when he was twenty five, almost two years older than I was when Aro offered me a full time executive position in their pharmaceutical division. I remember how proud I was when I got the offer. I nearly ran off the road as I drove home.

" _You took the offer?" Carlisle looked so shocked, but not in the way I'd hoped._

" _Of course, Dad. I couldn't turn it down." I'd been so surprised that I actually raised my voice to Carlisle, something I hadn't done since I was ten years old._

" _What your father means is that we're very proud of you, Edward." Esme had pulled me into her arms, but it had been too late. I had already seen that look in his eyes; it was disappointment._

"So this is how you make the big bucks?" Alec asks from behind me, startling me.

"Alec, you're supposed to be in class," I sigh, despite my smile, as I swivel in my chair. Alec's lean body is draped in the doorway of my office. He looks better, his color is good, and his face seems more filled out.

"Got bored," he shrugs, and walks over to lean on my desk. "I want to hear Pusini."

"Puccini," I correct him as I bring up my up iTunes, and select the "Nessun Dorma" from _Turandot._ It's his favorite.

The music soars out of my laptop speakers, and his face transforms. Alec's eyes close as his face relaxes, and his lips begin to move just as the tenor starts to sing. He knows every word, every note, though he's never seen the opera. As I watch his lips move in a language that he doesn't even know how to speak, I decide that I need to get back to work.

I turn back to my desk, minimizing the music player and opening the attachment from Demetri. The project is the launch of a new prescription sleep aid. They are trying to design a new marketing campaign, but have run into issues with all the bad press that Ambien's been getting. The current campaign is a carbon copy of Ambien's and predictably the focus group numbers are dismal. I would normally recommend they just tank the project and chalk it up to a lesson learned. However, after reviewing the project budget report, I can tell why Aro wants me on the project. They've sunk way too much money into R&D for this little magical pill.

This is not a small task, but I've tackled these types of challenges before. That's why Aro hired me in the first place. He said that I had a knack for understanding how people think. I wish he was right. Then some of the choices I've been making lately would might make some sense.

"I've got to get back to work," I sigh, and open up a new project folder.

Alec huffs as he stands up, and shuffles out of my office. I close the music player and my office abruptly falls silent. I wish I could have him stay, but it's too distracting. I remind myself that there will be time enough for Puccini once he's healthy.

* * *

" _I have to go," I whisper against his lips._

" _You have to stay," Edward says in a low, rumbling voice. The look in his eyes is making me want to give up the fight, but I can't stay._

" _I have to work tomorrow, and I don't have any clothes here," I plead, rolling away from him, and press my face into the mattress for a second. His sheets smell like him. I close my eyes, and bite my bottom lip as my resistance begins to crumble._

_Edward's hand snakes around my waist, and he pulls me back to him. He presses myself along my back, and his teeth scrape against my shoulder. I moan as his hand slides down my body, and push between my legs. I gasp as his fingers slide over my sore clit, and I wonder if there will ever be a time when he doesn't affect me like this._

" _Definitely staying," he chuckles in my ear. There's something in his tone that itches my mind, and makes me mad._

" _No," I sigh, and push his hand away. "I need to go."_

" _Fine," he rolls away from me, and I scramble off the bed._

_I pull on my clothes as fast as I can, and ignore the stinging feeling in my chest._

" _Wait," his voice sounds strange, but I keep my eyes fixed on his door as I button my jeans._

" _What?" I ask with a sigh as I pull my shirt on._

_I suddenly feel him against my back. His breath brushes against my cheek as he puts his hands on my waist._

" _Kiss me," Edward says, as he turns me around. I can't look at him. I just nod, and lean against him as his lips cover mine. It's soft, warm, and too short._

_He holds my face as he pulls away from my mouth, and I let myself look at his face. The smile makes my heart stop for a second._

" _Goodbye," he whispers, and kisses the tip of my nose._

"Hello," I croak into the phone as I blink at the red numbers on my alarm clock. Four in the morning, this better be _good._

"Guess where I am?" Bella's not so bright and cheery voice rings in my ear.

"You better be either underneath Hugh Jackman or dead." I try to sound grumpy, but I can never stay mad at Bella for very long.

"I am in Savannah," her voice sounds strained.

"What?" I ask softly, and reach over to turn on the lamp.

I'm confused. I know that Bella's flight made it to Jacksonville on Monday. I'm still feel guilty as hell that I didn't return her call till Tuesday, because I was too busy fucking Edward. I really don't want to think about that right now.

"Well, technically, we're driving past Savannah," she says with a high-pitched giggle that doesn't sound like her at all.

"Renee is there, isn't she?" I ask, though I know the answer.

"You betcha," she says with false cheer. Bella always plays the part of the good daughter when she's with her mother.

_The things we do for love._

"Why are you guys in Georgia?" I don't like where this is going.

"We're on our way to Virginia Beach. Mom surprised me with a family reunion." Bella's fake happy tone sounds beyond ridiculous. I would laugh, if I didn't know she was in her own personal hell.

"Shit!" I hiss as my head falls back and hits my pillow.

"That's what I'm thinking," Bella chuckles, sounding more like herself.

"Ah, family," I sigh, as my throat contracts a little, and I can't keep strained tone out of my voice.

"Leah, is something wrong?" Bella asks, sounding suspicious.

I stare at the abstract shadows on my ceiling and debate with myself. Should I tell Bella that I've been fucking Emmett's brother? Only I'm not fucking him anymore, because he hasn't spoken to me in two...wait, three days.

"No, I'm just tired," I groan, and beat down my self pity. "Someone called me at four in the morning."

"Four?" Bella squawks. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"

I laugh as Bella sputters her apology. I'll tell her eventually, just not now. Not yet.

* * *

" _I want you," I gasp, pulling Leah off of me and lifting her to stand._

" _Tell me something I don't know," she laughs, and grins like a cat._

_Her mouth looks bruised, her lips are pink and a little swollen, and I can't resist kissing them. I taste myself as I slide my tongue into her mouth, and I can't stop the moan that does nothing to express how aroused that flavor makes me. She had me so close to coming in her mouth, but I wanted more, so much more._

_I start to unbutton her jeans and quickly shove them down, sparing a hand to slide between her legs. The wetness and heat that greets me, makes me suck in a breath. I want to be inside her now. I start to push her back down toward the couch, but she pushes against my chest._

" _Condoms," Leah mumbles the word against my lips, and I catch her by the hips._

" _Of course," I sigh, and deepen the kiss for one brief moment, savoring the tangle of our tongues, before breaking it. I take her hand, and pull her back to my room. As we get through my door, I lift her up and toss her toward my bed._

" _Shit," Leah screeches as she bounces on my mattress, her hair a mass of thrashing black._

" _Strip," I say over my shoulder as I walk to the small ceramic upturned umbrella._

_Alice made it for me in sixth grade. It has little daisies hand painted with tiny smiles inside each blossom. I usually dump the contents of my pants pocket into it. It's overflowing with coins, miscellaneous keys and condoms. I pluck one from the pile and tear it open as I turn back to the bed._

_Leah is kneeling on my maroon comforter, her t-shirt over her head, leaving her naked except for a plain black bra. It cradles her perfect breasts showing off the smooth texture of her dark skin. The sight makes me shudder, and my mouth waters as my hands itch to touch her._

"Edward, you're drooling," a familiar voice whispers nearby. I feel someone tug on my hair.

"Huh?" I snort as I open my eyes to see a pair of gray eyes staring back at me. "Jane?" I ask, sitting up, and bat away the small hand in my hair.

"That can't be a comfortable place to sleep," she says from her perch on the edge of my desk. Her thin legs are dangling. She's wearing an oversized nightshirt with Homer Simpson on it. She tilts her head to the side to look at me.

"I got caught up in my work," I say with a shrug, and gather up my slightly damp notes.

"This isn't shelter crap, is it?" She asks, turning to stare at her swinging feet.

"No," I answer with a sigh. I tuck the notes into the front pocket of my computer bag. I log out of my laptop, and wait for it to power down.

"It's for Alec," she whispers as I close my laptop and slide it into my bag.

"Yes," I sigh, and zip my bag closed and stand. "You need to go back upstairs."

Jane's eyes rise to meet mine, and for a second she looks like a scared fifteen year old girl. My chest tightens, and I lean forward to touch her, to comfort her, but as soon as she sees me move, the look disappears.

"Right," she says with a nonchalant shrug. "You should be getting home to your little woman or man," Jane says with a smirk as she hops off my desk.

"Please don't get caught sneaking back in," I whisper as she skips out of my office door.

I shake my head and smile, as I walk over to the security exit. I wave my badge in front of the scanner, and hear the buzz that signals the door is unlocked. I push through into the entryway.

"Have a good night, Mr. Cullen," the security guard says with a nod.

"Night, Kevin," I wave. Another buzz indicates that the outer door is unlocked. I hit the push bar and step into the chilly night air.

I glance at my phone to check the time. 4:15. For a brief moment, I think about calling Leah, which is just silly. She's got to be up for work in less than two hours, and is probably asleep. I should wrap up the project tomorrow; I'll call her then.

* * *

"I kneel down, to pick the broken pieces of the bowl from the melting pile of ice cream, and she's having hysterics. I swear you would have thought she'd broken a piece of my grandmother's china," Kathy explains with a snort, and I smile, despite how I feel. "So then she insists that she's going to pay to replace the bowl. She is ten. She doesn't even have a piggy bank."

The girls explode with laughter, and I do my best to join in, trying not be too loud. Faking happiness is a subtle art. It's about understating how much you're supposedly enjoying yourself.

"Leah," I hear my name and glance over my shoulder. The pretty barista is standing at the bar with the tray of our drinks. Her beautiful smile in place, but it doesn't do a thing to lift my spirits. In fact, it just highlights the fact that everything seems flat and flavorless. I don't want to think about why. I don't want to give him that power.

"Sweet," I say with a big grin as I get up from the table.

Kathy continues to tell her story, as she gives me a wink and I make sure she sees me roll my eyes. It's all about keeping up appearances, I remind myself. I plaster a flirty smile in place as I saunter up to the counter. Her red hair slides along the edge of her jaw when she tilts her head to the side. I like the contrast of the deep, almost blood red shade of her hair next to her pale ivory skin.

"Happy Friday," she says, pushing the tray across the counter.

Embry teases me, calling me a race traitor, because I'm always chasing girls that are literally white. I ignore his little angry Indian front, it's totally bullshit; he always likes to stir things up. Like leaving little anti-Thanksgiving Red Rage cards everywhere he goes. I found one shoved into the memory collage on my wall yesterday. It pissed me off. I don't buy into the victim mentality. I don't hate white people for something their ancestors did to my ancestors before I was born.

" _Hate is a poison. Just as salting the land robs it of it's fertility, hate robs people of their meaning and purpose. Our future should be sewn with love, if we're ever going to endure as a people."_

My mother said those words in a tribal council meeting when I was eleven years old. She was seated in a wheelchair without a single hair on her head, and she held the attention and respect every person in that auditorium. She was the bravest person I have ever known. When death was knocking on her door, she didn't run or hide. She did everything she could to fill every last day with meaning and purpose.

"Hey, what's your name?" I hear myself say the words before I realize what I'm doing.

"Elana," her voice is higher, and her pale cheeks flush with pink.

"I'm Leah," I reach out a hand to her, and she slides her small hand into mine. "I hope you don't think I'm rude, but are you busy tonight? Would you like to grab a bite to eat or something?"

"Um, yeah. I mean YES," she bounces as she replies, her hand gripping mine hard. I smile at her and release her hand.

I get back to the table with the drinks and Elana's cell phone number written on a napkin that's tucked into my pocket. I feel better, stronger.

"You guys ready to get back?" I ask with a genuine smile on my face for the first time in days. They get up from their chairs, still chatting and giggling. Hope walks up to me with a suspicious smirk on her face.

"Slut," she whispers, and takes the tray from me, while I erupt into laughter.

* * *

"Holy shit, you really are a miracle worker!" Demetri's sharp laugh cuts across the phone line while I sort through the monthly meal menu for the shelter.

I need to get the menu approved so Martha can pick up the supplies on Monday. Holidays at the shelter are a blessing and curse. We always get more donations from benefactors, but we also get so many displaced kids that we have to stretch our budget to feed and house them all. I've already had to send a couple of kids to the YMCA to sleep, until I can finish converting the basement into the second dorm. I'm hoping that the county inspector keeps his appointment this time; I need those dorms open before Thanksgiving.

"De, I'm a little busy here. Please just tell me if the proposal will work for Aro or not," I sigh into the receiver as I scribble some notes on the menu. We need some non-dairy options for the breakfast menu. Two of the girls are allergic, and I think Felix is lactose intolerant.

"You really need to relax, old man," Demetri laughs. "It looks fabulous. The marketing team nearly jizzed their pants when you used one of their old, unused children's cough med campaigns. Changing the product icon to a teddy bear was pure genius."

"Yeah, well, in the current economic atmosphere people need reminders of comfort and safety, like they had when they were children." I repeat one of the lines of my proposal back to him, and he chuckles.

"It really is a shame that you're not here full time," Demetri sighs, and I feel myself tense a little. I'm not in the mood for him to try to hook me back in. I can't go back, not any time soon.

"Did you get a chance to check on Alec's application?" I ask, cutting off whatever Demetri was going to say.

"Yes, I was just getting to that," he groans, and continues. "I checked with Corporate Responsibility an hour ago. It's been approved. Cynthia Lawson has taken his case. She'll be calling you on Monday to get him set up with a doctor."

"Did they say how long do they think it will take to get him onto the transplant recipient list?" I ask in a calm voice, as I trying to control my thundering heartbeat.

"Well, Cynthia says that considering state of his health and current living situation, he won't be anywhere near 1A on the transplant list," he sighs and I try to ignore the nausea that grips my stomach. "However, this is Volt, and the old man loves your talented ass. I don't think your pet project will be waiting in the wings for long."

"That's great news," I reply, ignoring the cold feeling that replaces the nausea. There are things that happen at Volt that I don't necessarily I agree with, but I've learned to turn a blind eye, because they do great things, too.

"Yes, it is. So, we're going to celebrate," Demetri says, and I can't help but laugh. "I'm serious Cullen, if anyone needs a night off, it's you. Call up that gorgeous sister of yours and get us some passes to a club or show. I'll get a car and some petty cash."

Demetri and I used to party a lot when I first started with Volt. I sometimes miss his carefree nature and easy humor.

"Okay," I relent; I do owe him for helping with Alec's case.

"Oh, and see if you can get the hot blonde that works for you to come," Demetri adds with a soft growl. "You know, the one whose resume you sent me a few weeks back. She looks like she knows how to have fun."

"I'll ask Heidi if she's available," I laugh.

* * *

I love walking through the stadium at the end of the day, especially on a Friday. Almost everyone has left early, and I can pretend I have the whole place to myself. I just dropped off some benefits paperwork with George, one of the new grounds keepers, and I'm walking across the field like I own the place.

As I approach the large entrance to the lower area of the stadium, which lead to the locker rooms, I see Rose waiting for me in the doorway. Her jumpsuit is smeared with grease and dirt. She's the only supervisor I know who actually works with her crew; they respect that, and it means they work harder than any other maintenance crew on staff. Her face is stern and I feel my stomach clench at the sight of that look.

"So, got a hot date tonight?" Rose asks, as she blocks the doorway with her arm.

"Yeah," I reply casually. I don't bother asking how she knows; this place is small enough that there are no secrets. Most of the staff asked me when I was getting married just a week after I first slept with Emmett.

"What's going on?" Rose says, moving toward me, and I back up. I am not going to talk to her about this; not yet. Right now, If I admit my fucking mistake to Rose, I'll fucking cry. I am not going to cry at work.

"I need to get laid," I snap at her, and put my hands on my hips.

"You and I both know that you never chase pussy unless you're already getting fucked." Rose pushes my shoulder, and I have to fight the instinct to hit her. She knows where all my buttons are, and she's pushing the fuck out of every last one of them.

"I can think of one time when I did," I counter as I slap her hand away.

"Yeah, and let's remember how fucking well that turned out." Rose says, leaning in close. I can't speak as I stare at her in disbelief.

"You bitch," I finally hiss, as she just stares at me. The twisting pain begins to burn in my chest. I try to smother it back down, but it's too late. A feel the fat tear slip from the corner of my eye, and run down my cheek.

"Leelee," Rose's voice cracks as her face softens, and she reaches out toward me.

"I have to go," I choke out, and push past her.

"You can't run forever!" Rose calls after me while I fight to see through my tears.

I want to scream at her, to tell her to fuck off. I want to explain to her how she's wrong this time, but I know that she's not. I'm not ready to deal with it, not right now.

* * *

"Can we drink in here?" Heidi asks while Demetri waves a champagne glass in front of her face.

"We can do whatever the fuck we want, my dear." Demetri laughs as he feigns like he's going to drop the glass into her lap. She quickly takes it and gives me a look.

"Relax," I tell her with a sigh and accept my own glass from Demetri.

I take a sip, and force myself to relax into the leather seat. It's been a while since I've enjoyed the perks of working for Volt. I don't want to get too comfortable, but Heidi's helped me a lot since she's started working at the shelter, and I want her to enjoy herself. I'm the reason she started working there in the first place.

Volt is a very exclusive employer, but they can afford to be. Heidi's been trying to get hired for over a year. When Heidi found out that I was managing the shelter, she made it clear that she would work her ass off for me, never complaining, even though she knew it would be shitty pay. She walked in with more skills and experience than an on-site administrator would ever need. In return, she wanted me to use my connections at Volt to get her foot in the door. She's kept her promise, and has helped me get the shelter back into running order. She's earned tonight.

"So, did your boss tell you about what a badass he is?" Demetri asks, taking a small, clear vial filled with white powder from his jacket pocket. "This boy is a rockstar, even though he left us for a life of charity work."

"Um, no. Edward doesn't talk much about...that," Heidi's eyes widen as Demetri makes an elaborate show of flipping the bullet upside down, and twisting a small knob on the side as he flips it upright. I let out a slow exhale, as I watch his little cocaine magic trick, in front of a very obvious drug virgin.

"Cullen is the very soul of modesty and discretion," he smirks at me as he tips the bullet toward me. I shake my head trying to not focus on the bullet as I sip my champagne. He rolls his eyes at me, and offers the bullet to Heidi.

"Uh, I don't know," she stutters, giving me a nervous look.

"Do whatever you want," I sigh, and she continues to hesitate. "I honestly don't care, Heidi."

"Oh, okay," Heidi said with a nervous smile and accepts the bullet from Demetri, who gives me a sly wink. I know that he thinks he's going to get one over on her, but he has no idea how wrong he is about Heidi. She's ambitious, determined, and fearless. She'll fit in great at Volt. It is not going to be easy to replace her, but it's inevitable.

"Now, hold it away from yourself and breathe out," he leans in close to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

I seize the opportunity to take a peek at my phone. I don't have a single message. I wonder if I should text Leah, but as I watch Demetri raise the bullet of coke to Heidi's nose, I decide against it.

* * *

_I'm an idiot. I'm dressed like an idiot. I'm wearing fucking make up like an idiot._

I continue mentally abusing myself as I stumble the two blocks from where I had to park my truck to get to the club. Freezing my ass the whole way, because I decided to skip the trouble of checking my coat. Normally, that would be a clever idea, except I decided to wear a supersluttastic top that Bella bought for me. It's basically a piece of bronze silk with silver chains for straps. It took me nearly fifteen minutes to figure out how to put it on. I snagged my hair in this piece of crap at least five times while trying to get it on, and another ten times since I left the house.

I complete my turbo-slut look with a worn pair of leather pants that I got from Jacob. He'd gotten them during his Jim Morrison phase, but ended up getting way too much same-sex attention. His loss is my gain. The leather is sticking to my skin and making sweat pool in odd places, but I look fucking good. I'm wearing a pair of old Docs so that at least one part of my body will be comfortable. Although, while jogging down the shadowy downtown street, I feel anything but comfortable. I hate going downtown, but at least I'll be able tell Alice I used my birthday present.

Alice works for an events coordinator - Highbrow, super rich crap. She plans rich people's birthday parties, club openings, and _bar mitzvahs_ , among other things. She often gets free passes, comped drinks, and other perks with her job. When I told her that she wasn't allowed to buy me anything for my birthday, she gave me passes to this fucking club, because she didn't have to buy them. She's a slippery one like that.

I hadn't planned on going to this posh, uppity, piece of shit, but I was nervous when I called Elana. I had no real plan and it just fell out of my mouth that I had the passes. She got excited. Apparently, she's heard of the place, and has been dying to get in.

"Leah!" I hear a high-pitched voice scream my name, and nearly trip over the curb.

Elana is standing on the other side of the street, jumping up and down as she waves at me. She's in a flowing crimson dress and knee high brown boots. The sight of her makes my pulse race; I smile and wave back. I take a second to check the traffic before I dash across the street and greet her with a hug. She feels light as a feather as I lift her off the ground, and I enjoy the way she squeals in surprise.

"Hey," I say, setting her back on her feet, and pull back to see her face.

"Hey," she replies, giving me a shy little smile. I slide my hand along the smooth skin of her cheek and comb my fingers through her silky hair.

She's beautiful, sweet and...not _him_. I squash the thought as I lean down to kiss her. I breathe a hot stream of air over her open lips, savoring the trembling moan she makes. I moan back as I trace a wet line along her bottom lip, before slipping my tongue inside her hot mouth. Her whole body presses into mine as I glide my hands down her back, and pull her closer.

"FUCKING HOT!" I hear some asshole shout from somewhere nearby, and I groan as I pull away.

"Ready to go in?" I ask and she bites her lip as she nods. I take her hand, and pull her toward the entrance.

We walk past the long line of people waiting, and step up to a hulking mass of a black man who looks like he's in charge.

"Yes?" He asks in a deep voice.

I give him a smirk as I pull the passes from my back pocket and flash them at him. He gives me the brightest white smile that I've ever seen, as he takes the passes and steps out of our way. We stride through the open doors, and into darkness. I slow down to let my eyes adjust to the pitch-black corridor.

"ID," A feminine voice says, and a light suddenly flashes in my face. I suppress the urge to knock the flashlight out of the bitch's hand as I pull out my driver's license. The attendant snatches it from me, and stares at it like it's the Dead Sea Scrolls. Finally, she hands it back and I step forward. Another woman grabs my hand and slaps it with a rubber stamp. I glance back and see Elana nervously fidgeting as she accepts her ID back from the über cunt. I wait for her to get her stamp and then I pull her toward a set of blue metal double doors.

As we get closer, I can hear the music thumping and I feel the adrenaline start to pump. I hit the door with my shoulder and pull Elana into club with me.

* * *

"She didn't get us a table at least?" Demetri asks with a sneer.

"You didn't say that you wanted one," I reply with a shrug.

"Jesus, Cullen," he groans. "I didn't know I had to."

"I can talk to the manager," Heidi says, as she nervously wipes at her nose for the millionth time.

"No, I'll take care of this," Demetri sighs and walks away.

I lean my back against the bar, ignoring the crowd of people clamoring to get drinks. I stare out at the crowd of bodies. I don't know how I could ever stand these places before. Noisy, crowded, and smelly. My nose was being assaulted by a myriad of pungent odors: Every tacky perfume on the market, alcohol and body odor.

"This seems like a nice place," Heidi yells, looking twitchy and nervous.

"It is, now _relax_ ," I tell her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry," she gives me an apologetic smile.

"It's okay," I say, as I slide my hand up to her cheek. "I've been there."

* * *

"Lets dance!" Elana yells at me as we try to push our way through the crowd.

"I want to get a drink first," I say with a shake of my head.

I glance up and see the bar to our right. I grab her wrist and pull her toward it. It looks pretty crowded, and I wonder how long I'm going to have to wait to get a drink. Just as I decide to get two beers, so that I don't have to turn right back around to get in line I again, I spot him.

He's wearing a dark suit, his hair is a gorgeous mess, and he's touching the face of a beautiful blonde. She's got long, corn silk hair, and an expensive looking dress that highlights her rather spectacular tits. He's smiling at her, and a wave of nausea washes over me.

I shouldn't be surprised. I should have been expecting this; after all, this is Edward Cullen. Why else would he not call me for days? He's moved on, to much prettier pastures. I turn my back to the scene and look at Elana's confused expression. I am such an asshole.

"Never mind, let's dance," I say, as I drag her toward the dance floor.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Heidi yells over the thumping music, but I ignore her.

I catch sight of dark hair and a profile that I think I recognize. I shake my head and shrug at Heidi. I move to the right, and rise up on my toes, trying to get a better view of the people moving in the dance floor. It's a huge writhing mass of bodies, making it virtually impossible to spot individual faces. Just as I'm about to give up, there is a flash of black hair, and I see her.

She moves with a grace that I've never seen before; then again, I've never seen Leah dance. Her hips snake from side to side, as she toss her head, her hair whipping through the air. As she shifts, I see her naked back is crisscrossed by sparkling silver chains, and her ass is encased in shining leather pants. I've never seen Leah dressed like this, but I like it. I feel every movement she makes, as if I'm down there with her. As if I can feel her move against me. I want to be there, to touch her, to make her move like that for me.

Suddenly, a small, pale hand extends toward her, and touches her arm. Leah tilts toward this new body, and they begin to move in time with each other. I feel a burning sensation low in my gut, watching her lean into the body of the petite, redheaded girl. She smiles up at Leah, her eyes glittering with emotions that I recognize, and it make the muscles in my neck tighten. Their bodies press together, and my whole body trembles with barely contained rage as their lips meet in a hungry kiss.

"We should have something in a few, thanks to me" Demetri yells as he slides up next to me.

I nod my head, hoping he will just leave me alone.

"Great!" Heidi claps and bounces a little.

"Right," Demetri says, and stares at me. "I'm going to rustle up some comp drinks." He pats my shoulder and walks away.

I don't care; my eyes are glued to Leah and her date. That idea shouldn't burn me as much as it does. I shouldn't be tightening my fists at the sight of Leah's long, dark fingers gliding over the pale skin of the girl's face. I should have expected this; after all, we haven't spoken in days, and I know that she likes women.

She and Emmett often brought other women home. Those were especially awkward mornings - watching from the dining room table as a gorgeous woman waltzed through the living room to kiss my brother and his girlfriend before she left the house. It was a combination of jealousy and lack of sleep that made me leave the house early on days like that. It never saved me from getting a play-by-play from Emmett later. I was a good brother, so I would sit through his verbal penthouse letter.

_"Leah is an animal with other women. Like a lion with a deer; no, more like a wolf and rabbit. Leah doesn't fuck around with talking or charm, she just walks right up to them and takes what she wants. They don't stand a chance. Don't shake your head at me - it's the god's honest truth. Gay, straight, it doesn't matter, once Leah wants them, she has 'em. Fuck, I'm getting hard just thinking about it."_

Emmett always did have a way with words, and he seemed to love seeing Leah with other women. I feel like I should, too, but I do not. I hate it. I can't stand to watch the way Leah lovingly caresses and smiles at her little girlfriend, but I seem unable to look away.

Leah slides a hand into the other woman's short, red hair and yanks her head back. I swallow as I watch her lower her mouth to the girl's exposed throat. Leah's lips pull back in savage grin as her teeth press into the pale flesh of girl's throat and her eyes rise to meet mine. I stand glued to the spot as Leah and stare at each other.

_She knows I'm here!_

Rage flares through me as I realize that Leah knows that I'm watching her. She is toying with me. I clench my jaw, and feel my whole body go ridged as I continue to watch her little display.

"Edward!" Heidi screams in my ear as she taps my shoulder. I turn to look at Heidi, and I abandon rational thought as I grab her waist.

"I'm glad we all went out," I say, pulling Heidi into my body, and look into her light blue eyes. I try to make myself look as pleased as possible.

"Yeah, it's great," Heidi laughs nervously, and puts her hand on my chest. "Do you think that Demetri's really going to offer me a job?"

"I think there's a good chance," I say, widening my smile and tilt my head towards her, and place my hand on her wrist. I glance at Leah. She's staring at me. I recognize the look she's got on her face – she's angry. I turn my head toward her and raise my hand, waving like we're long lost friends. Leah smirks and shakes her head. She leans toward her date and says something.

I tense a little as Leah and her date start to push their way through the crowd toward us. As they get closer, I'm suddenly nervous, but Leah looks right at home.

"Hey, Ed," Leah says with a casual nod as they walk up to Heidi and I.

"Hi," I reply, trying to relax my jaw. "Heidi, this is Leah and, I'm sorry, I didn't catch your friend's name." I stare hard at Leah, not bothering to contain my anger, she seems to enjoy it.

"Elana," Leah says with a smirk as she pulls the petite redhead in front of her, and kisses her cheek.

"Nice to meet you," Heidi pushes her hand into Leah's view and smiles. Leah looks at Heidi's hand, and then up at me, her smirk turning cruel.

"Here we go," Demetri breaks in, handing drinks to Heidi and I.

"Thanks," I say, without breaking eye contact with Leah.

"Hi!" Leah greets him with a wide grin.

"Salutations!" Demetri glides forward and extends a hand.

"De, this is Leah and Elana," I say, putting my martini to my lips, and taking a slow sip.

"It's a pleasure," Leah practically purrs as she slides her hand into Demetri's.

"Hi," Elana squeaks as she waves.

"The pleasure's all mine," Demetri says as he and Leah hold hands.

"De, how about you and Heidi go check on that table," I say in a bored tone, but he drops Leah's hand like it burned him and looks at me.

"Right," he says with a smirk, and grabs Heidi by the arm. "Let's go, dear."

"Bye," Elana says with a small wave of her hand.

As Demetri pushes past me, I look down at the pretty, bright-eyed girl in Leah's arms. She looks young, like she's barely old enough to get into the club. She smiles at me - a warm, friendly gesture that makes me feel petty for hating her, though it doesn't stop me.

"So, Elana," I say, and I can see Leah tense. "Does Leah like to eat your pussy as much as she enjoys sucking my dick?" It's like someone else is using my voice to speak. I watch as Elana's pale skin turns bright red, and she steps away from Leah, her eyes wide.

"You son of a bitch," Leah hisses at me, but is quickly distracted by Elana's gasp.

"Is this some kind of a fucking game?" Elana's eyes glisten in the low, swirling, multicolored lights of the club, and I feel a cold hard lump sink to the bottom of my stomach.

"It's not like that," Leah says as she reaches out to Elana, but it's too late. Elana shakes her head and turns. "Elana," Leah shouts as she chases after the girl. She grabs Elana by the shoulder, and the redhead swings around to yell something at Leah. They argue back and forth while I wish I could listen in.

"Trouble in paradise?" Heidi asks as she walks up beside me.

"I guess so," I mumble as I take another drink of my martini, hoping it will wash away the bitter taste of guilt. I'm a horrible person, but I couldn't stop myself.

"Stay away from me," Elana yells loud enough for half the club to hear, and Leah's shoulders slump as her date runs towards the exit.

"Uh oh," Demetri chuckles as Leah turns around, and gives me a scathing look. I can't stop the smile that spreads across my lips as she glares at me, and begins to walk back toward me.

"Did I say something wrong?" I ask with a concerned tone, even though I know that it's only going to make things worse.

"You selfish mother fucker!" Leah spits, but before I can respond, Heidi steps in between Leah and I.

"Whoa, back the fuck off," Heidi says as she places her hand on Leah's chest pushing her back. Leah's dark eyes lower to look at Heidi, and my pulse races at the sight. Leah's head tilts to the side, as the muscles in her neck flex and her shoulders rise. I've never seen her this angry before, and I have never wanted to fuck her more.

"Do not touch me," her voice was low growl as she carefully enunciated every syllable. "Got it?" I feel myself get hard as Leah's lips spread in a venom-filled smile.

"Or you'll do wha-" Heidi starts to reply as her delicate manicured hand touches Leah's chest again. Leah moves with the speed of a striking cobra, her fist colliding with the side of Heidi's face in an explosion of spit and blood. I watch in shock as Heidi falls to the floor in front of me.

"And you! Go fuck yourself!" Leah screams as she points her finger at me. I see it, for just a second, a glimmer of hurt in her dark brown eyes, and my chest starts to cave in upon itself. I watch her turn her back to me, and walk away, while I struggle to breathe.

"Edward!" Heidi yells at me from the floor, but all I can do is watch the crowd part as Leah pushes through them.

"Holy shit, Cullen!" Demetri laughs next me and it shakes me out of my stupor. I step over Heidi and run after Leah as fast I can, pushing and shoving my way through the wall of bodies.

* * *

_What in the fuck was I thinking?_

I can't get the image of Elana's tear-filled eyes out of my mind. I'm a piece of shit. I knew I was using her, but did I bother tell her that?

_Fuck!_

I kick the heavy metal door open with the toe of my boot, and wish I could hit something else. I don't know who the hell that skinny blonde piece of shit thought she was, touching me like that. People who know me, know better; They know that I don't like to be touched, unless I know you, or at least fucking you.

 _Edward_.

"Arrogant asshole!" I scream, and plant my fist into the side of the nearby dumpster. The sharp pain feels good. Fucker thinks he can fuck with my head. Thinks he can treat me like one of his brainless groupies that are at his beck and call. Like I'm going to be ready and panting for him to stick is dick in me whenever he's wants.

"Leah!" Edward is suddenly standing in the alley, the metal door clanging against the wall behind him.

"No! fuck you!" I growl, and turn away. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to see him. The sight of him is making my eyes sting.

"Come back here!" his voice is low and angry as he grabs my arm. I try to fight against him as he pulls me back.

"Let go of me!" I scream, as I swing around, and feel my knuckles slam into the sharp edge of his jaw. Pain shoots up my wrist and through my arm, as it drops to my side.

Edward raises his free hand to touch where I hit him. It's the same place where I bit him on Monday night. Part of me wishes that it will bruise, and leave a mark.

"Are you crazy?" Edward's eyes are wide, and his nostrils flare, as he yells at me. The look of fury and shock on his face almost makes me feel better _almost_.

"Yes! Now, let me go!" I yell back as I try to claw his hand off my wrist.

"No!" he barks, as he grabs my other wrist, and pushes me back against the wall. The impact knocks the air out of me, but I recover quickly.

"Get the fuck off me!" I growl, trying to kick him, but he blocks me.

"You better try harder," he sneers in my face, his breath smells sweet. "I'm not that fucking easy."

"And I'm not one of your fucking whores!" I snarl as I fight his hold on my wrists.

"Are you sure?" Edward grins at me. I lean forward to try bite him, but my teeth snap down on air, as he quickly pulls back.

"Get out of my-" my raging is cut short by the feel of him releasing my wrists. He quickly grabs hold of my chin, and pushes it to the side.

"Payback," Edward whispers near my ear, as he presses my head back against the wall. I try to pull his hand off when I feel his hot breath on my jaw. I gasp at the sting of his teeth as they sinking into my skin. Before I can scream or say anything, he removes his teeth, yanks my head toward him, and covers my mouth with his own.

All the rage swirls and breaks apart, as a rush of heat spreads over me. His hand slides from my chin to my throat. His other hand tangles in my hair. Despite the pleasure rushing through me, or maybe because of it, I immediately hook my nails into his neck. I smile as he releases my mouth to scream.

* * *

"FUCK!" I choke as I pull her claws out of my skin. I can feel the sharp pain as some of my skin comes away with her nails.

Leah laughs, and I glare at her; she's enjoying it. She is turned on by this as much as I am. Something about that makes me even angrier. I flip her around and push her up against the wall. I stare at the smooth dark skin of her exposed back, remembering how her muscles moved under her skin as she danced with that girl.

_Her little fucking whore._

I want to tear the image out of my mind, scratch it away. I lean forward to sink my teeth into her back, as I reach around her body to unfasten her pants, and slide my hand inside.

"Does she make you this wet?" I hiss against her skin and I sink two fingers into her.

"Fuck you," Leah growls, but her hips are moving with my fingers, bucking back to slam against me, making my hard cock ache. I push back into her, as I pressing my chest along her back, and my lips to her ear.

"Tell me you don't want this," I snarl into her ear as I pump my fingers inside of her. "Tell me to stop."

"Son of a bitch," Leah writhes and trembles around my fingers. I can't stop myself. I want to feel more of her, I have to be inside her. I start to shove her pants off her hips, she reaches back to unzip my pants.

"No!" I grab her hands and slam them against wall on either side of her head. "Keep them there."

"Hurry," Leah pants as I struggle to free myself from my pants. I bend my knees as I place my painfully hard cock against her wet, impossibly hot pussy. I push into her in one hard thrust. Leah lets out a strangled cry, and I stop.

"Tell me to leave," I whisper it along the skin of her shoulder, and she clenches around me.

"More," her voice cracks, and her hand leaves the wall to touch my hair; I turn my head to press a kiss to her palm, and I start to move inside her.

"Yes," I whisper it against her skin as I shift my hips and slide into her, in one slow thrust.

I can't breathe, my body becomes a series of hungry movements. I cover her with as much of my body as I can. I use my hands, tongue, and teeth, to telegraph my need across her skin. Every bite, scratch, and thrust drives her on, making her moan and claw at the wall. Her passion and intensity driving me on.

I slam my hips against her, and feel her move back against me. I'm sinking so deeply that my body is trembling under the overpowering pleasure. I work even harder, slapping a hand on the wall by her head for leverage, and begin to thrust with more strength. I feel myself sink even deeper, and I bite my lip so hard I taste blood.

I rub my teeth against her shoulder and feel her shudder underneath me. Pleasure claws and climbs through every part of my body, but it's still not enough. I pick up my pace, and feel the familiar sensation of Leah's clenching around me.

"Yes, I'm close too," I gasp, breathlessly, and feel Leah stiffen.

* * *

"Stop!" I shout, my eyes fly open. Edward pulls out of me so fast I groan at the sudden loss.

"What is it?" He appears in front of my face, a look of sober concern on his beautiful face and I immediately feel like an ass.

"No condom," I croak, and swallow hard.

"Oh, shit," Edward sighs as he slides his hand around the back of my head and pulls me into his arms. I let him hold me, until I realize that my pants are around my ankles.

"Just a second," I step away and reach down to pull up my pants.

"Ah," he says with a sheepish grin and pulls up his pants. I watch him struggle to put his telephone pole back into his pants, and fight the urge to laugh.

"Fuck," I sigh, leaning back against the wall. All the anger I felt a few minutes ago is nearly gone. I just feel tired and kind of silly. Edward leans next to me.

"Hey," he whispers, his fingers touching my chin. I turn to look at him, and my body reacts in a million deeply troubling ways, as I take in the look on his face. "I'm sorry."

"Are you okay?" I ask, as I try to duplicate the look on his face. "I mean doesn't it hurt when you apologize for the first time?"

"Good one," he says with a smirk.

"I thought so," I say with my own smirk.

Edward laughs, and pulls me back into his arms. I let him hold me, because right now, it's exactly what I need.

 


	6. In the Moment

I wake up with the intense and urgent need to piss. I toss the blankets aside, crawl over the warm lump next to me, and tumble to the floor. I crab walk for a few seconds before I'm able to get to my feet, and stumble into the bathroom. The tile floor is the temperature of a glacier, making me hiss as I push the door closed.

_At least I don't have to mess with underwear._

I sigh as I sit naked on the toilet. This is the negative side of fucking for hours - I'm so tense and sore that I have to find my zen happy place so I can relax. As I sit here I start to wake up, and I remember that the lump I rolled over is Edward.

_Edward._

I groan quietly as my body has its usual reaction to him, which really isn't helping my situation. I let out a long slow breath, and try to think about nothing.

* * *

I'm awake and staring at Leah's bedroom ceiling as I listen to the ominous silence. When she started moving, I thought that she was trying to have sex again, but after her knee slammed into my balls, I was sure that she was trying to kill me. As I remember her clumsy struggle to get to the bathroom, I gingerly shift them to the side to make sure that there is no permanent damage, and grimace.

I find it amusing that only a few hours ago I had been furious with Leah, and now...I can't stop smiling at the thought of her. I don't know what's changed, and I'm not even sure if I really care.

I laugh softly as I remember how hard I struggled to restrain myself while driving to her apartment. She looked so beautiful, her eyes fixed on the road, while the wind tossed her hair around her face. The longer I watched her, the more I wanted her, but I didn't want to distract her as she drove. However, once she parked her truck, I couldn't resist touching her again.

I waited until she had parked. As the engine's rumbling quieted I unlatched my seatbelt, and slid across the bench seat. I put my hand over her seatbelt buckle, trapping her in place as I leaned over to cup her breast with my freehand.

_"Edward," she groaned, but it quickly turned into a moan as I pinched her nipple between my fingers._

_"Mmm," I moaned back at her, lowering my mouth over her parted lips. I wanted to taste her again._

_All the heat and frenzy of our session in the alleyway was coming back to me. I could still clearly remember the way she moved beneath me and her rage as she punched me. The memory of the sharp explosion of pain caused by her fist sent a rush of pleasure through me. A voice in the back of my brain insisted that I shouldn't enjoy the pain, but I can't seem to care. I'm enjoying the way that Leah's dragging her nails across my chest. The tip of her nail catches the edge of my nipple, making me groan into her mouth, and buck my hips against her leg._

_"Stop!" She gasped, and shoved me back. I felt out of breath as the steering wheel cut into my back, but I laugh, despite the pain, because Leah was panting just as hard._

_"You don't sound very convincing," I whispered, leaning back toward her, and lightly brushed my fingers over her hard nipple._

_"We don't have condoms," she said, putting her hand in the center of my chest to stop me. Her hand felt hot. I could feel her body heat seep through the thin cotton of my shirt._

_"We could do something that doesn't needs a condom," I countered with a grin, grabbing her wrist and sliding her hand down my body. I groaned pressing her hand against me, so that she could feel the hard length of my cock through my linen slacks._

_"Oh," she said in a breathy sigh, and closed her eyes. I couldn't hold back the grin that felt like it was splitting my face. In the tight confines of her truck, I could clearly see her pulse drumming on the side of her neck while a rosy blush spread across her face, and down her neck. Seeing how deeply affected she was made me bold, and maybe a little stupid._

_Leah stared at me through her thick eyelashes, her grip tightening around my dick, making it hard for me to breathe._

_"Shit," I choked out, as a predatory grin spread across her lips. My head began to swim as the mixture of pleasure and pain made me tremble._

_"I want to fuck," she growled, and I almost came in her hand. "But I'm not doing it in the truck!"_

_She released me from her grip and I slid away, taking a much needed breath. As I pushed my door open my mind screamed at me, that she had no right to do that, but I couldn't seem to care. It doesn't matter how brutally, or rudely she acted, because now I knew that Leah wanted me, just as much as I wanted her._

_I stepped out of the truck, and stumbled onto the sidewalk. I felt giddy, almost high, as I closed the truck door behind me. Leah walked past me to lock the door, and watched me try to regain my balance with her eyebrow raised she._

_"How much did you have to drink," She asked, looking concerned and slightly amused._

_"I'm not sure," I answered with a shrug, turning to smirk at her, but loose my balance. I crash into her, and ended up slamming her up against the truck._

_"Ouch," she yelped, looking startled and annoyed. I know I should have tried to shift away from her, but I was enjoying the feel of her against me. She smelled amazing and felt so warm._

_"I want to fall asleep inside you," I mumbled as I kissed her, and she laughed against my mouth._

* * *

I flush the toilet and walk over to the sink. The water is freezing my hands as I rub the soap up into a lather and take stock of myself in the mirror. My make up is smeared and my hair is a tangled mess. My neck, shoulders, and chest are covered in bruises and bite marks.

_I'll have to wear turtle necks for the rest of the week._

I smile to myself as I rinse off my hands. I shut off the water and take a minute to admire the bite mark that Edward left on my jaw.

There are two small, dark, rectangular bruises along the bottom of my cheek, and a couple of little marks under the edge of my jaw. If you didn't know that teeth caused them you'd never guess it was a bite mark. I could easily claim that I knocked myself in the face with the truck door. The thought reminds me of something, but it slips from my mind as I hear a knock on the door.

"Just a sec," I say, as I quickly dry my hands and open the door.

"Are you done?" Edward asks, as he squints at me. The gravely sound of his voice makes me want to jump him.

"All yours," I reply with a smile. I duck past him, and slap his naked ass.

He laughs, and closes the door. I run back to my bed, and jump on it, giggling like a twelve year old. I grab the pillow he was using, and press my face into it. It smells like him, and I want to roll in it like a happy dog. I laugh at myself, the warm cotton of the pillow muffling the sound.

The toilet flushes, and I look up, startled by how loud it sounds. No wonder he woke up. I hear the squeak of the faucet, and I glance up at the clock. _3:15._

That last time that I glanced at the clock was when Edward had me bent over the edge of the bed. It had been a little after midnight then, and we'd fucked several times after that. Now I know why I'm so exhausted.

"Fuck," I groan, and flop on my back. The bathroom door opens and floods the room with light.

"What?" Edward asks, as he turns off the light.

It's suddenly pitch-black, except for the red numbers on my clock. I can hear the floor boards creak as he walks toward me. The mattress dips as he climbs into the bed. I feel the blankets shift, and I move so he can pull them over us. His hand touches my arm and I shiver, enjoying the feel of his chilled skin. I never thought I'd appreciate my shitty plumbing.

"Get over here," he whispers, pulling me toward him.

I roll over to face him. His breath is warm on my face as he grabs my leg, and lifts it up onto his hip. My heartbeat roars in my ear as he takes hold of my arm, and puts it around his neck. His fingers gently brush my hair from the side of my neck.

"There," he says with a sigh. I let out a slow breath, as his hand slides over my waist to settle at the base of my back. I gently slide my hand into his hair, enjoying how silky it feels as it slips through my fingers. Having him so close to me is making it hard to relax; I want to press myself closer to him. I exhale softly, trying to relax my body, and close my eyes. I feel a hair tickle my nose, so I shift my face against the pillow to brush it away.

"Leah," he sighs, as his hands grips my ass.

"Yes," I reply, stiffening at his touch.

"Go back to sleep," he says with a tone of amusement.

"I can't," I sound whiny, and I hate it.

"How many times can you have sex in one night?" He asks, laughing as he leans up on his arm. My eyes are finally adjusting to the dark, and I can see he's smiling down at me.

"Don't flatter yourself," I grumble, and slap playfully at his neck. He hisses and jerks in response.

"Shit! Are you okay?" I ask, as I sit up.

"Yeah, it just stings a bit." He sounds too calm. I push him on his back as I lean over, and to turn on my lamp. Light floods the room, and we both flinch. I look down at him, and I don't believe what I'm seeing.

"HOLY SHIT!" I yell, as I stare at the long, vicious scratches cutting through the smooth, pale skin of his neck, and shoulders. My hand shakes as I reach out to touch him.

"It looks worse that it is," he says, as he smiles at me, and pushes my hand away from him.

"Bullshit! It looks like you've been mauled," I choke past the lump in my throat, and try to get up.

"Stop," he says, grabbing my wrist. I try to pull free, guilt twisting up my insides. He sits up and puts a hand on the side of my face. I refuse to look directly in his eyes; I can't stop staring at the vicious wounds that I left on him.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," I hear myself say, though I know it's lie. This is exactly what I wanted to do him, but now I feel guilty. I don't want to be some crazy bitch that beats the shit out of him.

"Leah," he doesn't sound upset; in fact, it sounds like he's about to laugh. He doesn't get that this is fucked up.

"No," I say, shaking my head, but he grabs my face, and forces me to look at him. I can see the corners of his mouth twitch, like he's holding back a smile, and I suddenly feel like an idiot.

"I like it," he sighs, and I stare at him. I don't know what to say, but it doesn't matter.

Edward pushes me back onto the mattress, and presses his mouth against mine. I moan as his tongue slips past my lips and strokes over mine. My body comes to life as his hands smooth down my sides. I push at his chest, and he releases my mouth.

"Condom," I gasp, and laugh as he makes a frustrated sound. He leans up and digs in the still-open drawer of my bedside table.

I take it from him, and tear it open. He leans on his side, and slowly exhales as I place the condom against the head of his dick. I hold in place with my index finger, enjoying how his whole body trembles as I smooth it down over him.

"There," I sigh, and he practically tackles me.

"Not quite," he growls, his breath brushing my face as pushes me against the mattress. He pushes into me in one long thrust that makes my whole body tense, and cling to him. "There."

He moves in a slow, languid pace. His hips push me further into the mattress with each thrust. I'm arching off the bed to meet him, and I can't stop the low throaty moans he's driving from me. His hands slide under my arms, and hook over my shoulders as pulls me against him. He bottoms out, and the blistering pleasure makes me shriek.

"Are you okay?" He asks breathlessly, as he freezes.

"Yes," I groan, and raise my hips up to slam against him. A shudder runs through him as his eyes close, and I smile.

"God, you're going to make me come if you don't slow down," he whispers against my temple.

"Then you better fuck me fast," I growl, as I rise up and sink my teeth into the thick, tense muscle of his shoulder.

"Fuck!" Edward shouts, and starts to slam into me, making me spasm around him as my climax explodes through me. Every wave is larger and more overwhelming than the next. They crash over me so fast; I can't help but scream against his skin as I taste the metallic tang of blood.

Edward yells as he thrusts into me so hard that I nearly pass out of from the intense mixture of pleasure and pain. He stays there, buried deep inside me, for a few tense moments before he finally pulls out, and slowly exhales.

I lay there, limp and sweaty, and I watch him pull the condom off. He ties the top and tosses it into the trash can. Edward's eyes close tightly as he flops down onto the bed beside me with a loud grunt.

"Can you sleep now?" He sighs heavily, and I shift my eyes to look at him. They're the only part of me with enough energy to move. He looks drowsy, freshly fucked, and painfully gorgeous.

"Yes," I sigh, and smile.

"Good," he grumbles, but I can see him smirking as he reaches over to turn off the lamp.

* * *

I smell bacon, and my mouth is watering before my eyes are completely open. I groan softly, and I turn to look at my bedside table. My clock is turned around, and there's a piece of paper draped over it. I make out Edward's writing and frown as I read the message written on the paper:

**No clocks allowed. Get up and join me for breakfast.**

I tear the paper off my clock and toss it to the floor. I turn my clock around, only to find that he's unplugged it.

_Jerk!_

I tumble out of bed and search for something resembling clothes. I find my sluttastic top and frown at the shredded remains, holding them by the single chain that is still attached. I'll have to tell Bella that I got it stuck in the truck door or something. I sigh, toss it toward the trash can, and continue searching. I find a pair of jeans that are still on my floor from Monday night. I yank them on, grab a t-shirt from the closet, and shuffle into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

As I walk into my kitchen, I catch the sound of humming, and find Edward cooking. His hair is sticking out in every direction, and somehow looks sexy as hell. He's covered in bruises, scratches, and has an impressive bite mark on his shoulder. He is only wearing a pair of boxer shorts that are black with bunch of tiny pink elephants covering them.

"Nice boxers," I say, as I lean against the counter, and admire the long, lean muscles of his legs as they flex.

"Thanks," he replies with a smile, though his eyes stay fixed on what he's doing.

He's pushing bacon around a frying pan with my spatula, and for some reason he seems use his whole body to do it. I cross my arms and watch his strange little dance. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and his back muscles move under his pale skin, making me want to touch him.

"You're wearing clothes," he sighs, and I realize he's looking at me. I straighten and look down at myself.

"Yeah," I answer with a shrug.

"Do you have somewhere to go?" He asks, as he turns back to the bacon, the muscles in his back seem to tighten, and I wonder why he's pissed all of sudden.

"No," I snap, though I didn't intend for it to come out like that. His back muscles relax as he transfers the bacon to a waiting plate.

"So, why aren't you naked?" He asks, turning off the stove, and places two pieces of bread into my dented toaster.

He turns to look at me and I just shrug. I don't know what he wants me to say, but I get an idea as he starts to move toward me. Edward presses me against the counter and he kisses me, making me dizzy. His fingers slide over my stomach and under the top of my jeans. I grunt against his mouth as he tugs my jeans open and pushes them down my hips. His tongue is tracing lines over my lips as he grips my waist. I gasp as he lifts me up onto the counter. I didn't realize he was that strong; the thought makes me tense, just as he pulls free of me.

"Wait," I grumble, and frown at him. He smiles at me as he pulls my jeans off.

"Now," he sighs, grabbing the hem of my t-shirt and lifting it over my head. "Isn't that better?" Edward asks, as he picks up my jeans, and disappears into my bedroom.

I perch, naked on the edge of my kitchen counter, and wonder what it is about Edward that gets me into these situations. He returns without his boxers, and I'm reminded of at least one large reason.

"Hey," I say, sticking my leg out to hook around his hip.

"What?" He laughs, as I pull him back to press against me.

I answer him by winding my arms around his neck, and pull him back into a kiss. A voice in the back of my head tells me that this is all wrong, that I shouldn't be getting comfortable. It tells me that none of this is real, and that Edward's not going to be...what? I don't know what he's supposed to be. I don't even know what I want, other than... _this_.

His hands grip my back as his mouth moves over mine and I let go, just a little bit. I wind my legs around his waist, pulling him closer, sliding my fingers into his hair. I growl, yanking on his hair, and pull his mouth hard against mine. I can feel him shudder under my rough treatment, and I smile. As my nipples harden, I tease the inside of his mouth with my tongue.

A sharp chime cuts through the air, and I jump. Edward breaks the kiss as he gently pulls my hands from his hair, and breathes out in a rush. He gives me a look that seems to be both a warning, and a promise. His eyes are shiny, his lips red and slightly swollen. He's got this smile that makes me bite my lip, in order to stifle the matching grin that my own lips are trying to make. He shakes his head as he turns to reach for one of my oven mitts, and opens the oven.

He leans over at an interesting angle to avoid burning his dick on the oven door, and I struggle to suppress my laughter. He emerges with a muffin pan that I didn't even know I owned. I hop off the counter, and walk up behind him.

"Those are some funky looking muffins," I say, leaning against his back, enjoying the feel of his skin against mine.

"They're not muffins. They're called frettas," he sighs, setting the tray on top of my other oven mitt. He closes the door and turns off the oven. "They are kind of like mini quiches."

"Quiche?" I sneer, and roll my eyes. I'm about to make a snide remark about how he has to make everything more complicated than it needs to be, when I feel a searing heat against my ass cheek. I scream, and jump away. Edward howls with laughter as I rub my ass and realize that it's not actually burnt.

"You're fine," he says, tossing the oven mitt onto the counter, and I realize that he touched me with it while it was still hot from the pan.

"Fucker!" I yell, and pick up a plate from the counter, and tossing it at him. He quickly ducks and it shatters across the wall behind him.

"You really are crazy," he says in a strange voice, glancing down at the shattered pieces scattered across the floor. He frowns at me and I stare back at him, my anger flaring through me.

"It doesn't seem to bug you when you're fucking me," I counter, picking up another plate. I hesitate as I see something change in his face and posture. His shoulders rise as his chest expands, and he lets out a long, slow breath. I watch him closely. It feels like he's making a decision, and I know what it's going to be.

I set down the plate, and turn away from him. If he leaves, I'm not going to watch him do it. I notice the pink iPod that Alice gave me for Christmas a few years ago sitting on my desk. I remember how I had wanted to give it back as soon as I tore open the hot pink leopard wrapping paper.

_"It's too expensive. I can't accept it," I pleaded with Emmett in a hushed voice. He stared at the ceiling, and groaned loudly. I shushed him, and glanced down the hallway to make sure that no one had heard him. The Cullen house seemed huge and ominous. I felt like eyes were all around us, judging._

_"You can't, babe," he whispered as his huge hand covered the side of my face. "It'll crush Alice. She'll think you don't like her."_

_"That's ridiculous," I hissed, shaking my head, but he gripped the back of my neck. "I can't keep it, Emmett."_

_"Do this, for me," he sighed, and leaned into me. His soft lips were pressing against mine, making it hard for me to focus. "I can't handle Alice being hurt. Please, baby."_

_His strained tone tugged at something deep inside me, and I sighed heavily, but nodded._

_"Okay," I grumbled, and I kissed him._

He didn't understand; none of Cullens do. I stare at the bright colored iPod. It doesn't feel like it's really mine. It is three years old, and it has barely got a scratch on it. I rarely use it, because I'm so worried that I'm going to break it.

"Please," Edward breathes against my ear as he presses his body along my back. "Let's just enjoy the day."

His arms slide around my waist and I reach out to cup the back of his head. I love the feel of his hair and how he's pressing his face against my neck.

"Okay," I sigh, and close my eyes against the tears that are threatening to spill out. I don't understand where they're coming from, but I don't want them right now.

"Thank you," he whispers against the sensitive skin of my neck.

"Ack!" I gasp, as I shivering, and shrink away from him, but he holds tightly to my waist.

"What's this?" Edward chuckles, burying his nose in between my cheek and shoulder.

"Edward, NO!" I shout and twist in his arms, trying desperately to break free.

"Get back here!" he laughs, wrestling me down to the ground. I panic as he shifts me to my back, and pins me against to cool hardwood floor.

"Stop!" I gasp, as I pant and struggle, but Edward is too strong, he pins my wrists to the floor as he stares down at me.

"Say 'please' and I will," he says in a low rumbling voice and grins at me. His hair is hanging down around his face, as he hovers over me. I didn't realize that it was so long. I stare at him, knowing that I should be pissed, but I'm not.

"Never!" I laugh, and leaning up toward him. His smile widens as he slowly shakes his head, making a clicking sound with his tongue. I stick out my tongue, and Edward laughs again. It's loud, and slightly nasal. I've never heard him laugh like this before.

"You asked for it," he laughs, and tickles the shit out of me.

"MONKEY DICK FUCK!" I scream and flail, but he's too fast. He's got my arms over my head, and he's gently running his blunt fingernails along the underside of my arm. "I'm going to piss myself. STOP!"

The kettle starts to whistle over the top of my screams, and I feel Edward's grip loosen.

"Fine," he sighs, and releasing me. He's grinning as he stands up, and walks to the stove.

"Jerk," I grumble, as I rub at my wrists.

"Yeah. Hm, the toast is cold, but at least we'll have coffee soon," he says, pulling the kettle off the stove.

He starts to fill the French press, and I roll onto my side to watch him. He glances down at me, as he finishes setting up the coffee pot, and puts more bread in the toaster.

"Why don't you put on the some music?" Edward gestures toward my computer, as he grabs the oven mitt and picks up the muffin pan.

"Sure thing," I say, rising up to my feet, and walk to my desk. I plop down in my desk chair. It's not very comfortable to sit in it naked, but I ignore the fabric scratching my ass, and hit the space bar to clear my screen saver. I enter my password and glance over at Edward as I push the enter key. He's gently prying the little egg fretta things out of the muffin cups. I like the look of concentration on his face; it reminds me of how he looks while we're having sex.

"Find anything good?" he asks, as he sets the pan down on the stove top and looks up at me. I feel myself flush as I turn back to my computer.

"I'm waiting. The computer is kind of slow," I cough, as I bring up iTunes, and pick my morning playlists. Tom Petty blasts out of my laptop speakers, and Edward starts laughing. I swivel to see him shaking his head at me.

"Tom Petty," he gasps, and I frown at him. "No, I love him. I just, I thought you were going to put on something mellow."

"This is kinda mellow," I say with a shrug. Edward shakes his head, and returns to setting up our plates.

"Yes, this is very soothing," he mumbles, and I fight the smirk that's clawing to come out. "I'm practically falling asleep."

"Hey, fucker, it's my place, and I pick the tunes," I snap, though I've lost the fight with my mouth and I'm grinning like an idiot. Edward looks at me and matches my smile.

"Yes ma'am," he says, as he salutes me with his butter knife and splatters his forehead with butter.

"Smooth move, Ex Lax," I laugh, and go over to him, grabbing a dishtowel to wipe it away. He's rolling his eyes at me as he sets the knife down on the counter.

"I haven't heard that since grade school," he grumbles, taking the towel from me, and begins to wipe off the grease smear.

"I'm surprised you even know what Ex Lax is." It slips from my mouth before I realize I've said it. I stop short of touching Edward and watch his face, wondering if he's going to take it badly.

"So, are you trying to say I'm a tight ass, or that I'm full of shit?" he asks with a serious look on his face, and feel my jaw clench. "I just want to be clear, before I tickle you till you piss yourself."

He's grinning at me, and I'm torn between the panic I feel over his smile, and the knowledge that he's going to attack me. Survival wins out, and I turn away from him.

"Fuck you!" I screech, as I run toward the dinning room, over turning my computer chair to slow him down.

"I'm faster than you!" he yells from behind me. I just laugh. Edward has no idea how fast I am.

* * *


	7. In Between the Moon and You

_"...Quileute shall be brave, because you come from wolves. In every manner you shall be strong."_

_-Quileute creation myth_

" _Hey, this is Leah. I can't make it to the phone, or I just don't want to talk to you. So, really why bother to leave a message? Here comes the beep, do what you want_." Leah's voice rattles off the message in the same casual tone that she says everything. I've heard this voice mail message a million times, but it never fails to make me giggle. The beep pierces my ear, and I take a deep breath.

"All right, woman. I've been leaving messages since yesterday," I sigh, and hold the smoldering cigarette away from my face. "I just want to see how you're doing. Give me a call already! I love you."

I hang up the phone, and stare at the cigarette in my hand. I don't smoke, but it was the only way to get some time away from my mother and her family. I asked my little wannabe rebel cousin, Adrian, for one, and wouldn't you know, the little fucker lit it for me right there. Renee watched me like a hawk. As I took a drag, I wished that I'd just waited till they'd all passed out drunk. It tastes like I'm licking the floor of biker bar, but I just need a few minutes of peace, and I was hoping to I have it with Leah.

"Fuck me sideways," I groan and lean against the shed. I peek around the corner; everyone's on the back porch of my grandmother's house. It's colder than a witch's tit, but half of my white trash family smokes like the chimney, and the other half smokes weed. I'm desperate and I need for some sane human contact. I duck back around the shed, and quickly scroll through my contacts list. There's really only one other viable option right now. I select the number, and put the phone to my ear, praying that he's there.

"Talk fast, we're on your dime," Seth's deep voice croons through the phone; he's doing his impression of Humphrey Bogart. I choke as I'm attempting to take another drag on the cigarette. I have no idea why I even bother to try. I start coughing and hacking as a wave of nausea washes over me.

"Seth," I manage to croak before another coughing fit wracks my lungs.

"Auntie Ruth?" he asks in a concerned voice.

"Bella!" I laugh through my coughs.

"Oh, are you okay?" He sounds amused. "Or is it that call where you're dying, and the last voice you want to hear before you shuffle off this mortal coil is Moi?"

Seth is hilarious, so much like Leah, and yet so incredibly different. I love him like he's my own brother. We've spent many a nights talking away on the phone. I wish I could find a guy that is as easygoing as him. Well, at least one that's not gayer than a two dollar bill.

"Fuck you," I gasp, and clear my throat. "I could be dying while you're yapping away. A little sympathy would be nice."

"Sorry," he says with a deep booming laugh. "We're fresh out of that. How 'bout a tall glass of shut the hell up and take it bitch'? I hear it helps to wash down the pride."

"I don't know why I bother with you," I grumble, and tip the long ashes off the death stick in my fingers.

"You bother because, aside from being one of your best friends, I'm witty, entertaining, and fucking hot." I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Right," I sigh, as I squat down in the grass. My calves are killing me, but these boots were the closest thing I have to winter wear. I wish my mother would have given me some warning, so I could pack more appropriate clothes.

"Well, Bella," he yawns, and I hear a muffled voice in the background. "You know I love chatting with you, but right now I'm a little occupied."

"Which one are you with?" I ask, with a snort. "Johnathan Deerrun, or the Port Angeles fisherman?"

He suddenly sounds stiff. "Yes, I'm attending to some business in Port Angeles."

"Slut," I laugh, and feel my lungs itch a little.

"Yes, yes," he's talking in a hushed tone. "We can talk about how well the color green suits you later."

"Wait," I yelp. "Have you heard from Leah lately?"

"No," he sighs, and I wonder if there's something wrong. "She only calls if someone's dead, or if she's bitching me out about something."

"What's wrong?" I ask, as I chew my lip. I hate it when they get like this; it's usually always around this time of year. Black Friday isn't the same without Sue. Uncle Harry and Uncle Billy do the best they can, but it's not the same.

I only got to attend a couple of times, but it was always memorable. Sue Clearwater was an amazing woman; sometimes I wish that Renee was more like Leah's mother. She was a wise, loving, and generous woman. She always made me feel like part of the family, no matter what. I wish I could have spent more holidays at the rez, but Renee always felt strongly about wanting me to bond with her family.

She always assumes that since grandma and grandpa Swan passed, that Charlie doesn't have any extended family for me to spend the holidays with. She doesn't understand that the Clearwaters and Blacks are as much a part of my family as her deadbeat relatives.

"I can't really talk about it right now," he exhales in a rush, and mumbles something. "She's been real distant, ever since she broke up with that guy. What's his name?"

"Emmett?" I ask, biting my lip.

"Yeah," he sighs. "The football star that Dad knows nothing about."

"She's just working through crap in her own way," I say, as I fight back the tears that are stinging my eyes. "It's got nothing to do with you. She loves you, Seth."

"I know," he groans, and I hear the background voice. "It's just, she's so freaky this time of year, because of Mom and all that."

"Yeah, I know," I say, swallowing past the lump in my throat. "I wish I could be there sooner."

"We'll handle it. That's what we do," he huffs.

"Yeah," I smile, wiping away a tear with my palm. "I can't wait to see you."

"Yeah, me too," he perks up. "I'm hoping those fabulous breasts will cure me of my gayness."

"Hey," I laugh, despite my tears. "You leave my magical tatas out of this."

"If only I could," he sighs. "I need to go, babe, but call me tomorrow. I'll be on the rez, and I'll make sure to check in on Leelee."

"Okay," I sigh, as my shoulders slump. "I'll talk to you soon. Love you."

"Love you, too," he says, and makes a loud lip smacking sound before the call cuts off.

I sniffle as I stub the cigarette out on the bottom of my shoe. I feel queasy and emotionally spent. The wind picks up, and splattering me with cold, wet slush. I hate it here, but I have another month of maternal bonding to go. The promise of Seattle, and my real family, is the only thing that keeps me from running away.

I've been planning this move pretty much since I started college. Leah and I only got really serious about it last year; since then, everything's felt strange, like my life is waiting to start. All this time with my mother now feels like torture, like waiting for a delayed flight in an unfamiliar airport.

I'm just counting the days, hours, and minutes till I'll finally be home, with Leah.

* * *

"Dish ish umazin," Leah mumbles around a mouthful of fretta.

"Swallow and _then_ speak. So I can understand what you're saying," I say, stabbing at a piece of bacon with my fork.

I put the bacon in my mouth, enjoying the way she rolls her eyes as she chews, swallows, and then opens her mouth to show me that the food is gone.

"This is amazing," she says with a smirk, as she picks up another fretta. She raises it to her mouth, but stops short of eating. "What do you call them?" She asks, and takes a huge bite out of it.

I make sure I swallow my food before answering. She watches me closely, presumably to catch me breaking my own rule. I can't slip anything past Leah, though I have no problem slipping things _into_ her. The thought makes me smile, and my dick starts to stir.

"Fretta," I say, reaching up to gently brush a piece of egg from the corner of her mouth. I use the contact as an excuse to smooth my hand over her warm cheek. I love the feel of her jaw muscles working, and continue to move my hand, combing it through her hair. It's so thick, it lays like a cape across her shoulders.

A familiar song begins to play on the computer, and I smile. Just as the music rises, a female begins to sing what I know is a Coldplay song. I'm pleasantly surprised; her voice is breathtaking.

"I love this song," Leah says, swaying her head slightly in time with the music; it reminds me of how she moved on the dance floor last night.

"I like Coldplay, too," I comment, as I take a sip of my coffee. "Though I've never heard this version of their song."

"Bleh, I hate Coldplay," Leah sneers, and her whole face contorts into a look of disgust. I stop mid-sip, and carefully set my coffee mug down on the table before I turn to look at her. She has a piece bacon poised in front of her open mouth.

"You're listening to Coldplay," I counter, and smirk as she looks up at me.

"No," she shakes her head, and points the strip of bacon at me. "We're listening to JEM covering a Coldplay song. There's a difference. I don't listen to whiny, complacent rock."

"You were playing Radiohead earlier," I say with a grin, as I snatch the bacon from her fingers.

"If you besmirch the good name of Thom Yorke, I will kick you out of this apartment, naked or not," she says as she grabs a piece of bacon off my plate and jams the whole thing into her mouth. Leah makes a show of chewing my bacon with a big smile on her face. I can't help but laugh.

"You're very impressive," I say in a condescending tone. She rolls her eyes, and lifts her glass of orange juice to her lips. I watch her slowly drink, and I can't resist touching the smooth skin of her throat. She jerks at my touch, causing juice to leak from the corner of her mouth, and spill down her chest.

"Shit!" She chokes, jumping up from the couch, and reaches toward her napkin on the coffee table.

"Wait," I say, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to face me. "Let me get that for you."

"Huh?" Leah looks confused until I lean forward and lick at the wet line running down her stomach. "Oh fuck!"

I laugh as I take hold of her waist, and pull her onto my lap. The skin of her thighs is warm as it slides along the outside of mine, and she hovers over me. Leah's moaning as she wipes away the juice from her mouth as I stare up at her. I graze the side of her breast with my cheek, causing her to gasps. I haven't shaved since yesterday morning; my stubble is probably very noticeable. I smirk as I drag my unshaven cheek across her nipple.

"Fuck me!" She cries out, and digs her nails into my scalp.

"Is that an offer?" I ask, as I gently lap at her nipples.

She just growls as she presses me against her skin, and I open my mouth over her breast. The underside of her breast feels smooth and tastes salty as I glide my tongue over it. Leah moans and leans into me as her hand wraps around the base of my dick. I groan around her breast, while her hand moves over me, sending electric shocks through my body. I release her breast and growl, wrapping my arm around her waist.

"Bah!" Leah yelps. I lean her back to reach across the coffee table to pluck a condom from the Beacon Plumbing mug, and smirking at the irony.

I tear the package open, and return to my position on the couch. Leah's hand is still gripping me, and I pause as she starts to slide her fingers up to gently pinch me through my foreskin. As I struggle to ride the wave of pleasure that washes over me she gently tugs at the skin, and I feel the cool air on the head of my dick.

"Fuck!" I hiss, grabbing her wrist, and gently remove her hand.

I tremble as I start to roll the condom on, and let out a heavy sigh. I take hold of her hips, moving her closer, and I glance at her at her face.

Leah looks hesitant, breathless, and breathtakingly beautiful. I forget what I'm doing, and slide my hands around her face. I pull her to me, but her hands press against my chest, and I stop. She doesn't say a word, but she leans close enough to kiss me. I can feel her hot breath on my lips, and I clench my jaw as she slides her cheek against mine. She drags her chin along my side of my face, up over my forehead, and along my other cheek. Almost like she's marking me, like a cat. It feels amazing.

"Now?" I ask, my body growing painfully tense as I wait.

"Yes," she sighs, and lowers herself over me.

Everything seems to slow down, and my world narrows to the tense, hot connection between our bodies. Sunlight is streaming into the room, making her skin glow as her black hair slides over her shoulders, and tickles the tops of my thighs. The music is swelling around us, drumming in time with the steady pace of her hips.

Leah's eyes are closed, and her lips are parted slightly as she sinks down further. I feel the resounding, mind-numbing thump as the tip of my dick hits something soft, and incredibly warm. Pleasure shoots through me as I grip her, and struggle to breathe.

"Oh shit!" Her voice is a sharp and breathless as her body tightens around me, and I clench my jaw against the urge to come.

"Wait," I whisper my plea as she trembles, and I press my forehead against her throat.

Even the slightest movement from her body sends waves of pleasure through me. I want to either cry or laugh at this incredible feeling.

"Edward," she gasps my name, and I can't stop the smile that spreads across my lips.

"Yes," I reply, my words coming out in a hiss as I slide my hands to her hips, and I lift her up.

She begins to move over me as her hair slips forward to gently brush against my face, and shades my eyes from the light. The slow burn of pleasure makes me moan low in my throat. I slide my hands around her neck and I pull her down to me. Her breath is hot as I lick at her lips. She pants as she moves over me, and tries to capture my mouth. I smile as I playfully evade her, only to have her growl as she slams her hips down onto me.

"Fuck!" I grunt, as Leah shudders around me. "Was that good?" I ask, still trying to catch my breath.

"Close," is all she can manage to choke out.

I slide my hands under her arms, and up over her shoulders. She's still trembling, and I know that I'm close. I hold her, and shift my hips.

"Hold on to me," I whisper, but I don't bother to wait for her to respond before I shift my hips up into her.

"OH!" Leah cries out as I feel myself slide even deeper. I keep moving, afraid that if I stop that it will end too soon.

She grabs my shoulders, as her head tilts back, and she starts to make a strangled sound. I reach out my mouth, to capture her nipple, sucking into my mouth, and I continue to thrust up into her. Her nails sink into my shoulders and chest, but it only drives me on. I want her to lose control. I want to see it happen, while I'm inside her.

_Come for me._

I bite down on her nipple, careful to not break the skin, but to give her just enough pain. Her body freezes, as she contracts around me, but I just thrust harder.

She looks so beautiful as her mouth opens in a soundless scream.

* * *

There is a taste to a beautiful toe, reminiscent to the mingling flavors of a good Port and Camembert.

"Stop, that tickles," Heidi giggles, as I slowly paint her manicured toes with my tongue.

"You can't rush these things, my dear," I mumble around her pinky toe, as I slide the tip of my tongue around the chubby underside. There's just nothing like this, the intimacy and downright filthiness of it. I'm getting hard again, and I decide I should give her glorious feet a rest so I can fuck her again.

My phone picks that very inopportune moment to start chiming Beethoven's _Ode to Joy_ , and I groan, softly. I lean toward my side table to check my phone.

"I can't believe you're answering that," she grumbles, and rolls away from me.

"When you work for Volt, it's not an option to not answer it," I tell her, as I pick up the phone, and put it to my ear. "Demetri here."

"Yes, Mr. Crawford," Gloria Palson's voice chimes through the connection as pleasant and professional as ever. "I am connecting you with Mr. Gallo now."

"Demetri, my boy," the old man greets me with a cheerful voice, as if he wasn't up half the night with his hot, practically underage mistress, or his even hotter new wife who's barely old enough to drink.

"Morning, sir," I answer with as much cheer as I can summon, after an innumerable amount of cocktails, coke, and hours of fucking Heidi.

"It sounds like your night off went well," he chuckles, and I shake my head. I know what is coming next. "How is Edward? I trust he had as much fun."

"Yes. I mean, I suppose so," I say, with a little hesitation. "He left with who I assume to be his new girlfriend."

"Bitch," Heidi hisses in the background, and I wave at her to shut up. She rolls her eyes, and rolls off the bed to walk toward the bathroom.

"Oh, well that's lovely," his voice sounds strange. "Is she anyone we know?"

"Uh, no," I swallow past the lump in my throat.

"That's worrisome." He sounds disappointed, which is not any place where I want him to be. "Do I need to remind you that I have plans for the young Mr. Cullen?"

"No, sir," I answer, as my palms start to sweat. "I'm sure she's not a serious thing. Edward isn't the type to get serious with anyone."

"Well, I hope to change that, with the right girl," he sighs, and I let myself breathe a little. "Stay close to dear Edward, and let me know how he's doing on his little vacation."

"I will," I answer, but the line is already dead.

I chew at my thumbnail as I wonder what the old man's end game could be. Carlisle Cullen keeps Edward on a short leash, and I can tell that Edward isn't going to come back into the fold without a lot of heavy encouragement. Part of me doesn't want him to; it isn't the right place for Edward. He's not built like we are - he's got too much heart to work at Volt. Still, we do what we must, and there are nice perks.

"Heidi, I hope you're ready for another round," I call out, as I stand up from the bed, and walk toward the bathroom.

* * *

"Ugh, I don't know how you can stand smelling me," I groan, as I turn on the shower.

"I wasn't going to say anything," Edward says with a smirk, leaning against the bathroom counter.

"Fuck you!" I cup my hand under the spray of water, and toss the little bit of water at him.

"Hey," he yells, and I laugh as I jump into the shower. It's scalding hot, but just what I need. I can't believe I made it this late in the day without showering.

"Oh, fuck yes!" I groan, letting the water wash over my face, and hair.

"Leah." Edward's voice has a sing song quality that sounds nothing like him. Suddenly the shower curtain is drawn back, and he is standing there with a mischievous smile on his face.

Ice cold water splashes over my face and chest, like a thousand tiny bites stinging my skin. I'm so in shocked that I don't speak. I just stare at him as the hot water sprays over me, helping to take away the sting of the cold. Edward's face is so beautiful, and infuriating, smiling at me like that as he holds my Big Bird cup.

"Motherfucker!" I growl, as I pull the down the handheld shower head, and point it right at him.

Edward makes the funniest face as the water hits him, and he launches at me. I lean back, and struggle to keep my balance as he wrestles with me for the shower head. He gets another good spray in the face before he manages to get the shower head away from me. I lose my balance and start to tumble backward. Edward looks even funnier as he drops the shower head and grabs me.

"Are you okay?" He groans, and I flail in his arms, like a turtle on its back trying to get my balance. I stand up, and see that his knees are pinned against the edge of the tub.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I ask, pulling him up. He just shakes his head, with a strange look on his face. "This whole white knight thing kind of suits you, when you're not being a prick."

Edward laughs, and clings to me as shower head bounces against our legs. I pull free of his arms and fetch the shower head, while he pulls the curtain closed. As I place the shower head back into its holder, I feel him press along the line of my back. His dick slides between the checks of my ass, and I have to let out a breath to keep my dignity. Right now, I want to push back into him, and reenact a shower scene from a prison movie.

"Would you like me to wash your hair?" Edward's voice is low and breathy as he speaks in my ear. I shiver, but swallow hard before I answer.

"Sure," I answer with a shrug.

He disappears from behind me, and I feel a little pang of regret that he's gone. I quickly give myself a mental slap, because I'm getting too comfortable; I need to keep things in perspective. I promised to enjoy the day. Who knows what will happen tomorrow?

"This stuff smells amazing," Edward says. I feel his fingers slide into my hair and my brain starts to shut down. The air fills with the smell of green tea and cucumbers. I chose this stuff because it is cheap and it doesn't stink like cheap perfume. Now, it is the sexiest scent I've ever smelled in my life.

"Mmm," I sigh, placing a hand against the shower wall in front of me, for balance. I have to close my eyes to keep from rolling them into the back of my head.

"Your hair is so thick," his voice is deep as he continues to massage the shampoo through my hair. "How do you manage it?"

"I don't know," I mumble, trembling as he drags his blunt nails across my scalp. "I just do. I look dumb with short hair, my face is too big."

"Are you kidding?" He laughs, as he continues to work the shampoo through my hair. "You're really silly sometimes."

"So you're saying I should cut my hair?" I ask, feeling myself smile. Edward has quite the way with the backhanded compliments.

"No," he blurts out, and then laughs. "Not at all."

"I think I'm ready to rinse," I say, turning around to face him and leaning my head back into the water.

"Here," Edward says, as he leans against me. "Let me help."

"I'm fine," I sigh, but cave as he presses against me. His arms are on either side of my head, and I can't focus.

"Why are you so stubborn?" he laughs, and gently tugs at my hair.

"Why are you so pushy?" I snap at him, but he just smiles. His eyes are still fixed on what he's doing with my hair. Suddenly, I feel his grip tighten in my hair, and pain sears through me, making me groan.

"Because it is the only way to get through to you," he growls next to my face, and I feel myself shudder. Edward drags his tongue along my chin, and up to my lips. I want to bite him, but as his lips cover mine all I have the strength to do is moan.

Water flows over us, and he slams me back against the shower wall. I push him off me. Water is splashing off his head, and splattering in my eyes.

"If anyone is a glutton for punishment, it is you." I sneer, squinting at him.

"You've got that right," he replies, smiling down at me, making me want to fuck him.

"I'm never going to get clean if you keep this up," I groan, as he slides his hands between my legs, and circles my clit with his finger.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," he laughs against my lips.

* * *

" _Leelee, please don't," I plead with her, and get a sharp slap in the face._

" _Do not call me that," she snarls, turning away from me. "I want to forget it all," she says as she tosses her notebook into the fire._

" _You won't always feel this way," I yell, my face still stinging from her hand._

" _You don't understand," she sighs, as she picks up the scissors. "How could you?"_

_I watch in stunned silence as she starts to hack off her hair, and tossing the thick handfuls of it, into the fire. I have to look away, but my eyes are drawn back to the fire. My hands curl into fists as I watch the flames lick at the sides of the notebook. I can't take it. I lunge forward, sticking my hand into the flames, and yank it out._

" _Jake!" She screams at me, but I don't stop running till I get to my truck. I crank up the engine and take off, leaving her in a cloud of dust and gravel. After I get a few miles away, I pull to the side of the road, and take a look at the journal. A good portion of the top is black and it crumbles away in my hand. As I flip to the middle, I find it - the reason that I burned my hand to grab the stupid notebook. It's a picture of all of us at La Push._

_The top part of the picture is curled, and most of Sam's head is gone, but I can see Leah's smiling face and Bella. She's looking at me, her pale cheeks flushed, and she's biting her lip. That was the night that we kissed, my very first kiss, and this was all I have to remember it._

The ear piercing beep of Leah's voicemail shakes me from my thoughts.

"Bitchface! You are officially the worst cousin EVER!" I yell into the phone. Leah hates it when I talk like a hearing impaired elder, but this time she fucking deserves it.

"That's right!" Embry yells in a hoarse voice from his cocoon of blankets on the couch, and I just roll my eyes.

"Since you didn't bother to call about the housewarming party, you probably don't know that it was cancelled," I complain.

"Due to plague," Embry croaks, and I kick the arm of the couch. He folds his arms and makes a pouty face, like a big fucking baby.

_Fucking dumbass needs to get a girlfriend and stop tongue-fucking every piece of ass that crosses his path._

"Yeah, Slick here was playing tonsil-hockey with a hootch, and caught the flu," I growl, turning my back on him. "Anyway, give me a call. We need to make plans for Black Friday."

I hang up the phone, and sigh heavily. Something in my lung tickles, and before I know it, I'm hacking up a lung. My coughing finally subsides, and I'm able to catch my breath; I look over at Embry.

"What?" He yips, as he pulls his afghan up to his eyes.

"If I'm getting sick," I hiss at him through gritted teeth. "I am going to kick your fucking ass."

* * *

"Tell me a story," I stifle a yawn, stretching an arm out and sliding it behind my head.

"You're kidding me," Leah snorts, and looks up at me.

"I'm serious," I say, looking down at her as I put my hand under her chin, and tip it up so I can kiss her. I slide my tongue over her bottom lip, enjoying how she moans in response. I pull away, and she groans in frustration.

"Tease," she hisses, despite her wide grin.

"Yes," I sigh, leaning back into her pillows. "Now, get to spinning a tale."

She grumbles and shifts against me, like she's trying to get comfortable.

"Waiting," I chime at her, and she groans loudly.

"Shit, okay," she sighs heavily, and presses her cheek to my chest. "All I know are old legends and stuff that my mother used to tell me. I could tell you about Thunderbird and the whale. Oh, actually, I know one. I don't know if it's really a legend though, or just a story that my mother made up."

"I don't care, just tell me," I tell her in an exaggerated whine.

"Shut up!" She snaps, and slaps at my chest playfully, making me chuckle.

"Okay," she sighs, and slides her hand over my stomach to rest on my hip. I let out a slow breath, willing myself to just relax and enjoy the sound of her voice. "Long ago, Q'waeti', the Transformer, came upon the Quileute land, and found only wolves. So, he took two wolves, a male, and a female, and he transformed them into the first Quileutes."

"Is this Kwattee, is he like a god, or is he God?" I ask, painfully aware that I've butchered the pronunciation.

"No," she replies in a terse manner, that makes me uncomfortable.

"I'm just curious," I say, leaning up to look at her, but her hand presses against my chest.

"Just let me tell the story," her voice is suddenly different, with a strange tone; suddenly I worry that I've ruined our whole day.

Leah takes a deep breath, and I try to resist the urge to speak, though I want to apologize. She lays her head back down on my chest, and I force myself to relax as she finally starts to speak again.

"Their names were Firstman and Nightrunner. They raised a family on the land, hunting and fishing. They had all that they needed to be happy, but from time to time Nightrunner would remember that she was once a wolf. At night, she would sneak away from her people, and run through the forest."

"Now, this was back in the days when Moon roamed free across the land, and from the stories that my mother told me, he was apparently a bit of a manwhore. Anyway, one night, while Nightrunner was streaking through the forest, Moon caught sight of her, and took off in pursuit of her. Nightrunner, however, was very fast. Even Moon, who was as fast as his sister Wind, couldn't catch her."

"Still, each night that he saw her, he never gave up chasing her, until the night Nightrunner noticed him, and stopped."

"Why are you chasing me?" She asked him.

"Why do you run?" Moon replied, like a smartass.

"I was once a wolf, and I run to remember," she tells him. "So, again, why do you chase me?"

"Because you are running," he replied with his brilliant white smile.

"I am not running now," Nightrunner said.

"Because I've caught you," Moon tells her, and captures her in his arms.

"Now, this is where my mom went all family-friendly with the story - she told me that Moon sang to Nightrunner as he held her, and that his voice was so beautiful, she didn't fight him to get away. You and I both know that Moon wasn't just singing."

"Anyway, they continued to meet in the forest, night after night playing their little game of tag, and singing. That is until Firstman realized that something was wrong, because it took the dense fucker this long to notice something was up. He decided to follow Nightrunner on one of her runs, and quickly found out that she was getting busy with Moon."

"Firstman was, understandably, pissed off by her betrayal, and came up with a plan to get revenge. He went to his cousin Spider, and asked her to spin him a net. Then he hid in the forest, and waited for Moon to come looking for Nightrunner. As soon as Firstman caught sight of Moon's glowing white skin, he burst from the bushes, and captured Moon in Spider's net. Then, Firstman threw Moon into the sky, where Spider's net trapped him, forever."

"When Nightrunner learned about what happened to Moon, she went in search of Q'waeti'. She ran so far, and for so long, that she eventually reached the end of the land, and that's where she found him. He saw that she was carrying a bundle, and ask to see what it was. Nightrunner unwrapped the bundle, and revealed a young boy, ťsáta Pititchu. Nightrunner and Moon's child had his father's glowing white skin, and his mother's dark eyes."

"In her grief and desperation, Nightrunner begged Q'waeti' to hide her child from her jealous husband. Q'waeti' took the child, and pushed him into the waters of the river. When the boy emerged, he was a white wolf. Seeing that her child was safe, Nightrunner laid down and died. Q'waeti' was so moved that he wove a blanket from her black hair, wrapped it around Moon, and he sprinkled her body across the sky to create the stars."

"To this day when the moon is full, you can hear ťsáta Pititchu and his cousins, singing in memory of their love. Or something like that," she sighs, and relaxes her head into me.

"That was beautiful and depressing," I yawn, and smooth my hand over her shoulder, pulling her closer to me.

"You didn't ask for a happy ending," Leah replies, her breath caressing my skin.

"I didn't think that I had to," I mumble, as exhaustion finally overtakes me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to the Quileute origin story Q'waeti' created the first two Quileutes from wolves, but the story of Firstman, Nightrunner, and Moon is my creation. The Quileutes have a rich cultural mythology. I encourage you to visit [the official Quileute Nation website](http://quileutenation.org/) to read about every aspect of their culture, language, and everyday life.  
> The rough translation of _ťsáta Pititchu_ is New Moon. ;)


	8. Eye of the Storm

"Come on," I say, walking my fingers along her spine.

"Your mother's Catholic, right?" Leah asks, staring at me out of one eye. She continues to squint at me as she rolls onto her side, and her breast comes into view.

"Yes," I give her my best smile, while sliding my hand along her warm skin. I run the pad of my thumb over her nipple, taking pleasure in how it hardens under my touch.

"The answer is still no," she sighs, grabbing my wrist to pull me down to her.

"How about dinner?" I whisper, and gently touch my lips to the tip of her nose. "It's your last chance to see Em and Rose before they leave."

"Yeah, 'cause Game Night wasn't awkward enough," she laughs and shakes her head. "I'll see them when they get back." She leans up and sucks my bottom lip into her mouth.

I hold her close, kissing her slowly, savoring the taste and feel of her. I don't want this to end, but I have to go. I can't keep Esme waiting. I brush my fingers along her cheek, tracing a line from her chin along her throat and stop as I reach her collarbone.

"Are you sure?" I exhale as our lips brush, and a chill runs through me. "Mom's been asking about you," I say, using my last and best hope to get her to go with me. She always seemed to have an especially close connection to Esme, but as Leah stiffens in my arms, I realize that I've made a miscalculation.

"Tell Esme that I'm fine," Leah whispers against my mouth as she tries to pull away from me.

"Leah," I groan, pulling her back and I wish that hadn't said anything in the first place. She slides her hand over my cheek and I meet her gaze.

"Call me later," she says with a smiles, but I don't trust it. I pull her hand away, and press my mouth to her lips. My anxiety bleeds away as her mouth opens beneath mine and she pulls me back into bed.

* * *

"Relax Esme, he will be here soon," Carlisle tells me as he pours another cup of coffee.

"I'm not worried," I say, using my reflection on the microwave door to check my hair. "Not about being late, at least."

"Then what are you worried about?" He's beside me, his warm body enveloping mine.

"He's been so distant lately," I sigh, turning my face into his cheek, inhaling the clean, spicy scent of his cologne.

"Give him time," he speaks in a hushed tone, his arms winding around my waist. "Edward will find his way."

"I know," I whisper against his warm lips, before he silences me with a warm, lingering kiss.

"MOM!" Edward's voice echoes through the house.

"Time to go," I say, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, and dash toward the hallway. "Oh, make sure to clear out the spare room. Emmett's dropping off Chewie this afternoon."

"Wait! I thought we weren't taking the dog!" He yells after me, as I rush through the hallway, trying to not trip on my heels.

"Chewie's part of the family, and he's not spending the holidays in a kennel!" I yell back, catching sight of Edward standing in the entryway.

It's been quite some time since I've seen him unshaven. He looks like a man, albeit a very late, disheveled, and flustered man. His sunglass are sitting at a crooked angle on his flushed, stubble-covered face. His hair is a tousled, wet, mass of waves, and his tie is hanging undone around his neck; I'm not even sure if his jacket matches his pants.

"Esme!" I hear Carlisle voice call from behind me and I pick up my pace.

"No time to talk. We're going to be late," I yell over my shoulder. "Go, go!" I say in a hushed voice, and wave my hands at Edward. He smiles, and dashes out the door.

* * *

Edward's been gone for an hour. Normally, I would go back to sleep, but I've been staring at my open bedroom door since he left.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

I roll out of bed and walk toward the bathroom. I get to the doorway and stop. Something seems wrong. I flip on the light switch, and after I blink rapidly, waiting for my eyes to adapt to the light. As I look at my room I wish that I had left the light off.

_Edward Cullen strikes again!_

Yesterday, my clothes had been spread all over the floor of my bedroom, but now they're folded into two neat piles.

"Fuck me," I mutter, leaning down to pick up a note lying on top of the piles.

_**I cleaned up a bit. Wasn't sure what was dirty or clean.** _

I stare at the note, then look down at the piles of clothes, and crumple the paper in my fist. I kick the clothes and they go flying. As they scatter across the floor, I start to feel a little better. I toss the paper into the air, try to kick it like it's a hacky sac, and miss it completely.

I'm about to head into the bathroom when I spot my cell phone on the dresser. It occurs to me that I haven't gotten a single call or text since Friday night. That's not normal for me. I walk over, pick it up, and immediately realize that it's off.

"Son of a bitch!" I hiss, quickly turning it on. It starts beeping and buzzing to life in my hand. I have several missed calls, bunch of voice messages, and a staggering amount of text messages. Most of them are from Bella. I sigh and start to flip through the messages.

**Bitch call!**

**Did I stutter?**

**Now I am fucking Hugh Jackman.**

**Suck it!**

**Did I mention you're a whore?**

**dirty dirty whore.**

I laugh as I scroll through her messages and walk into the bathroom. My phone suddenly starts ringing in my hand, the display showing a picture of Seth. I hesitate for a second, and pick up the call.

"Seth," my voice cracks as I answer.

"Hey, look who actually answered her phone," Seth says sarcastically, and I clench my jaw.

"It was turned off," I say through my teeth, as I lean my back against the counter.

"Sure," he sighs, and I begin to feel a familiar sickening guilt turn my stomach inside out. "I'm just calling to tell you to call Bells. She's worried about you."

"I know, I just got a billion messages from her," I grumble, and start to chew on my thumbnail.

"Yeah, well I promised I'd deliver the message and I have," he sounds pissy, and I can't figure out why it makes me feel guilty. "I need to go."

"Seth, wait," I say, feeling my throat tighten.

"What?" his voice sounding even more annoyed.

"I've been a cunt, I know," I say, closing my eyes. "I'm sorry, things have just been...hard."

"This have to do with that Emmett guy?" His voice loses its edge, and I brace myself as my hands start to shake.

"Yes, and no," I croak, and grip the counter for support. The tears start to slide down my face, and I give up the fight as I sink to the floor.

"Talk to me, sis," Seth whispers, and I struggle to breathe as I crouch on my bathroom floor.

"I can't," I sob, shaking my head.

"It's okay. You don't have to," He sounds like Mom; he always has. I want to tell him, but I can't speak.

Seth was six years old when Mom died. He has no memories of her, but there are times when he says something or looks at me certain way and I can see her again. I miss her so much, and I wish that I could talk to her about... _everything_.

I want to tell him about Emmett, and Bella, not to mention Edward. I'm so tried of keeping it all in, and I'm so ready to let it out, but he's not Mom.

"Leelee, come home," his voice is so soothing that I almost give in. I start to think about the rez, and a whole new wave of emotions washes over me, choking me.

"No," I blurt out. "Not yet, but soon."

"Okay," he sighs, but doesn't argue.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, as I wipe at my wet cheeks and sniffle.

"Apology accepted," he replies. I can almost hear the smile in his voice. "Now don't forget to bring me something fabulous from the big city."

"I don't think I can fit a hot guy into my suitcase," I laugh.

"And I thought you loved me!" Seth does such a great job of sounding deeply offended.

* * *

"I thought you said you were ready?" I try my best to sound stern, as Jasper looks up at me. He's got a bunch of tools, and strings are laid out across our coffee table. At least he remembered to lay down a cloth before setting them out this time.

"Alice, my dear," he replies with a smirk as I frown at him. "I'm just changing a broken string."

"Jasper, there are little blue chickens on your shirt," I sigh, and waggle an accusing finger at the strange shirt he picked up at a Vietnamese grocery store. Really, who buys clothes at a grocery store?

"That is precisely why I like it," his voice has just a hint of a challenge in it. It's kind of cute.

"It also has snaps," I groan, and put my hands on my hips. "You shouldn't wear shirts with snaps until you're at least sixty," I tell him in the same tone he used with me.

He stares at me for a second, then carefully sets Maria, his guitar, down on the couch. I notice that there's a small chip of paint missing from one of the roses that I painted on her body. It's the plump purple one curling around the emerald green letters of her name. Jasper said that it was the best birthday present he had ever received.

He made the strangest face when I told him her story, about how of Maria was a beautiful _peasant_ girl that foolishly fallen in love with a young solider. Poor Maria lost her love in the war, and threw herself in the river. Her loving father was so grief stricken that he used her hair to string his guitar, and it magically began to play by itself. It sang lovely, sad songs of love and heartache, just like Jasper.

Emmett and Edward laugh at the stories that I tell for my paintings. I suppose that's only natural; they've known me all my life and are so used to me that they just shrug off my eccentricities. Jasper is different. He cried when I told him about Maria. I just stared at him as tears ran down his cheeks, making me feel incredibly thoughtless. Then he pulled me into his arms and kissed me until my legs turned into Jell-O. I can still feel the heat of that kiss whenever I look at his guitar, or his hands.

"Alice," he says my name as he walks over to stand in front of me.

"What?" I say in my best pouty voice, sticking my bottom lip out at him, and lower my eyes to stare down the line of his body.

His jeans are form fitting, showing the movement of every muscle as he shifts his weight from one leg to another. Jasper is such an odd combination of sweet and masculine. He knows all my favorite poets and painters. He even reads Jane Austen to me when I'm mopey or sick. I have no idea how I ended up with someone so tolerant and understanding, but that still doesn't excuse his eccentric love of tacky shirts. Last Sunday he almost walked out of our apartment in a bright pink and gray-stripped polo shirt.

"Do you really want me to wear another shirt?" He sighs, and I look up at him. The look in his eyes makes me shiver, and not because it's cold.

"It's just, I got you that blue one to bring out your eyes," I plead with him, feeling like a big meanie.

"Okay," he sighs, and pulls open the front of his shirt. The snaps click as the shirt parts to reveal a white, skin-tight tank top. He starts to walk past me but I stop him with an outstretched hand.

"Wait," I sound breathless and squeaky. "I...I think I see your point about the snaps."

* * *

"I am very sorry, Carlisle," Rose says in a quiet voice, looking really uncomfortable. "Emmett reassured me that you guys were okay with it."

"Hey, Mom said it was cool," Emmett says with a shrug. "Isn't that right, little buddy? Grandma said she couldn't wait to hang with her Chew Chew." My brother continues to coo into the muzzle of Rosalie's Rottweiler as he scrubs his fingers roughly through the dog's short fur.

 _Chewbacca_ leans into Emmett's hand as his tongue flops out of his mouth, sending foamy strings of drool drip to splatter all over my parent's Persian rug. Normally, the dog looks like he wants to rip someone's face off. However, as my brother mumbles baby talk to him, Chewie looks like goofy parody of himself.

Emmett had only been dating Rose for about a month when I got a panicked call from Rose on Emmett's cell phone saying that the dog attacked him. When Carlisle and I arrived we found Emmett with dishtowels duct taped around his calf. He was a quarter of a way through a fifth of whiskey and apologetically explained that he and Rose were wrestling. Apparently, Rose was laughing loudly and the dog got the wrong idea. I wanted to have the dog put down on the spot, but Emmett downplayed the situation. He always covers for his strange girlfriend. I don't understand why a woman would keep a dangerous animal like that around.

"I should have talked to you personally," Rose continued, obviously ignoring Emmett, and I do my best to stifle a petty smile as I watch her squirm.

"Nonsense!" Esme says, walking into the room with her arms full of presents. "It was a simple misunderstanding. Now, where is your sister?" She asks, setting out gift wrapped-packages down on the coffee table.

"I left messages on both their cell phones," I answer, without looking up from my glass of wine.

"Bet she and Jazz got...distracted," Emmett chuckles as he pats Chewie's side.

"Emmett," Esme laughs, playfully slapping his shoulder as she sets a box in front of him. "No peeking till they get here."

Esme's favorite part of the holidays is giving gifts. Since Emmett and Rose are going to be in Wisconsin for holidays, she's decided to do an impromptu Christmas celebration. I normally hate this part of the holidays, but it makes her happy, so I just take another sip of my wine and hope that my sister shows up soon.

Chewie suddenly stiffens, growling deep in his throat and looks at the front door. The front door flies open and my sister sprints into the entryway. Her hair is a mess, her dress is wrinkled, and Jasper is smirking as he closes the front door.

"We're here!" Alice screams, kicking her boots off and tosses her jacket to the floor. I flinch as the dog charges towards her.

"CHEWIE!" Alice screams as they tumble to the floor in a giggling heap, and Jasper waves at everyone. I get up from my seat, and walk over to him.

"Hey Jasper," I say with nod.

"Hey Ed," he replies, looking up from Alice and Chewie, his smile lifting to a smirk. "Nice five o' clock shadow."

"I got a late start," I mumble, self consciously brushing my hand over my face.

"Am I going to get the details?" He whispers, leaning in as he grips my shoulder, and I try to not flinch at the pain it send through me.

"Later," I mumble, and try to look smug.

"All right, Casanova," Jasper chuckles quietly, nodding and glances back down at Alice.

"Enough with the dog spit!" Alice squawks, jump up and heads into the den, Chewie scrambling after her.

"Hey, fleabag," Emmett laughs, grabbing the dog collar and making him sit.

"Daddy!" Alice yells, flopping into Carlisle's lap.

"Princess," Carlisle grunts from the impact, though Alice is so tiny that I suppose it's more for dramatic effect.

"Sorry, Jasper had a wardrobe malfunction," she says, and I glance at Jasper who is still smirking as he walks into the den. He takes a seat on the arm of the couch next to where Emmett is sitting.

"Told ya," Emmett says with a grin, and gets slapped on the back of the head by Rose.

"Told who, what?" Alice asks as she pulls back from kissing Carlisle's cheek.

"That you were going to be late," I answer, and walk back to take my seat on the couch next to Esme. She gently pats my leg, and she stands.

"It's not your fault," Esme says, and holds out her arms as Alice gives her a hearty embrace. "You were born that way."

"Please say that we don't have to hear about the legendary day that princess Alice was pooped into the world!" Emmett gripes, and dodges another swipe of Rose's hand.

"Ew, Em. Just ew," Alice says as she and Esme frown at him.

"Watch it," Jasper says, punching Emmett in the shoulder.

"Hey there, cowboy," Emmett grins, and scoots across the couch as Jasper takes a seat next to him.

"No wrestling," I say, and they both give me the same offended look.

"That's right," Esme says, releasing Alice to sit down next to me. "Okay, this is just like Christmas Eve. Everyone has one gift pulled at random, so make sure to check who it's from. Now, let's open presents before dinner gets cold."

"Presents!" Alice cheers, and bounces over to cram herself onto the couch next Rose.

"Yeah! Bring on the loot." Emmett laughs, and claps his hands together.

"Rose goes first," Esme says, leaning over and handing Rose a small box. "It's from Carlisle and I."

"You really shouldn't have," Rose mumbles, as she picking up the black velvet box and gingerly unwrapping it. As she pries it open, her eyes get big and her cheeks turn pink. I remember when Esme showed me the elegant pink diamond pendant, and asked if I thought Rose would like it. I told her that Rose would appreciate _any_ gift. Despite my issues with Rose, she's very respectful and appreciative of everything my parents do for her.

"Score!" Alice hoots as she leans close to hug Rose's waist. "Want help putting it on?"

"Yes," Rose's voice is thick with emotion. "Thank you." She stares at the small box as Alice pulls the necklace out and unclasps it.

"You deserve it, baby," Emmett says, as he kisses her cheek and pulls her hair out of Alice's way. I can see the tears as they start to slide down her cheeks, and Esme is up out of her seat in seconds.

"Rose, dear," Esme speaks in a hushed tone as she leans down to hug Rose. She whispers something that I can't make out, and Carlisle rises from his chair to join them.

"Hell yes, she is!" Emmett whoops, and even Jasper leans a long arm across the back of the couch. I assume he's patting Rose's shoulder, because she's obscured by my parent's bodies.

I sit and patiently wait for the moment to pass as I take another sip of my wine. Finally, Esme peels her self away, and returns to her seat. She has fresh tears on her cheeks, and I reach into my pocket to pull out a handkerchief for her.

"Thank you, dear," she whispers, as she takes it and pulls me into a hug. I hold her tightly as I watch Carlisle pull Rose up from the couch and into his arms. I can see her tear-streaked face as she presses her cheek against his neck, and nods. I assume he's saying something to her. I look at my brother who's swiping at his face with the back of his hand as he watches them. Alice is crawling over his lap, and into Jasper's waiting arms. Her tiny shoulders trembling as she makes loud sniffling sounds.

"Okay, enough of this," Esme says as she pulls free of my arms and turns to the rest of the family. "Emmett, please open your present."

"Yes, ma'am," Emmett picks up his own small box and reads the tag. "So this is from you, Dad. Looks too small for socks." He chuckles as he rips open the wrapping paper like a rabid dog. He pulls open the box and stares at the contents in disbelief. He lifts a set of keys out and looks at Carlisle, just as he returns to his seat.

"It's collecting dust, now that I have the Porsche. I thought it was time to let it go," Carlisle says with a shrug. Emmett stands up from the couch and howls as he punches the air.

"Father of the year!" Emmett screams as he jingles the _Karmann Ghia_ keys at everyone.

"Sit down," Esme laughs as she gestures toward Jasper and Alice.

"I hoped the line, it's Jazz's turn," Alice says, picking up his present and shoving it in his face.

"Now, you all know I'm not too comfortable with these types of displays," Jasper says, shaking his head.

"Too bad," Rose sniffles, wiping her face and giving Jasper a smile. "Em and I pitched in for this one, so suck it up."

"Well, Ms. Rose, I suppose I don't have a choice then," Jasper laughs. I'm always astounded at how he's able to get along with just about anybody.

He opens the box and pulls out a small piece of paper, looking confused.

"It's a voucher for Moto International. They're going to finish the rebuild on your El Dorado," Rose explains. Earlier, Esme explained that they pitched in to get Jasper's second motorcycle fixed up. It's an old Italian bike that he got on Craig's list. He has been slowly rebuilding it when he has the time and money for the parts.

"This is too much," Jasper shakes his head and stares at the paper.

"Of course it's not!" Alice says, kissing his cheek and reaches out to pluck her box from the table. "Oh, I wonder what Edward got me." She giggles as she tears open the paper. When she opens the box her grin turns into a frown.

"It's empty," she pouts, her bottom jaw jutting out, and I start laughing. "Not cool Edward."

"I'm sorry, but it's your own fault that you haven't even noticed," I continue to laugh as I point at the large framed painting over the mantle. It's one of her best paintings. It's called "Morning in Madrid;" what the title lacks in creativity, the painting more than makes up for in its astounding beauty.

Alice painted it, from memory, three months after our trip to Spain. We were at our beach house in Ocean Shores and I had told her that there was no way she could remember anything about the trip because she spent every waking moment shopping. I said it to taunt her into painting again. She had given it up after one of her inane instructors told her that she lacked the focus to be a real artist.

"No, you didn't," Alice whispers, her eyes like saucers. I just smile, and point at the wall opposite the mantle. This painting depicts a scruffy street musician cradling an acoustic guitar, and smiling through shoulder length curly, blond hair. I know that it's from memory as well, from the first time I took her to Pike Place Market to see Jasper play. I had _Maria and her solider_ framed in black and gray with one of Jasper's guitar pics placed in the matting.

"Edward," Alice's voice is a strangled squeak, as she steps up on the coffee table and launches herself toward me. I have just enough time to move my wine glass out of the way as she lands in my lap, her small arms crushing me in surprisingly strong hug.

"A 'thank you' would have worked fine," I chuckle as she kisses my cheek.

"Thank you," she whispers, giving me last kiss on the forehead before running back toward Jasper.

"Your turn, Ed," Emmett says with a suspicious looking grin.

"All right," I sigh, setting down my glass, and pick up my own gift-wrapped box. The tag says it's from Rose and Emmett. I'm relieved to see that it's too small for another copy of the _Dummy's Guide to Sex_. I carefully peel away the tape on the bottom of the box, and remove the paper.

"Are you planning on using the paper again?" Rose asks, her face looking smug as ever.

"Fine," I hiss, ripping off the rest of the paper and opening the box. Two small blue tickets are lying inside. I pick them up and read, "Radiohead at the Key Arena."

"Do you like it?" Emmett asks, looking hopeful, and I nod, unsure of what to say. "Thank god! It was Rose's idea."

"Yeah," Rose's voice is calm, but I can see something in her bright hazel eyes that makes me suddenly nervous. "I'm sure you can find someone to go with you."

"I'm sure," I mumble, and quickly look at Emmett who is still grinning. "Thank you."

"No problem," he says, leaning over to gently punch my arm. "You'll be getting _Kama Sutra for Dummies_ for your birthday instead."

* * *

"Took you long enough," my voice sounds whiny, and I silently curse myself for coming off as desperate.

"Yeah, dinner took awhile," Edward sighs loudly, his breath making a heavy sound sound against the receiver.

"I guess so," I yawn, trying to sound casual as I lift my leg up to stare at the tiny trail of bite marks along my calf. "I'm already in bed."

"You've been waiting for my call?" I can almost hear the smug grin in his voice.

"No," I reply sharply, and kick the mattress with my heel in frustration. I can't believe that I let that slip.

He is silent for a few minutes, and I wonder if he's pissed.

"Tell me you missed me," his voice is a low, breathy whisper, and I almost give in, but I catch myself.

"No," I say in a clipped tone, trying to sound pissed despite the huge, ridiculous grin on my face.

_I am such a fucking idiot._

"Leah," the sound of his voice tugs at something in my chest, and I hear a dull thud in the background.

"What's that noise?" I ask, quickly trying to change the subject before I embarrass myself anymore.

"I'm getting undressed. Just a second," his voice is muffled and I feel a little thrill rush through me at the knowledge that he's stripping. "There."

"So, you're naked?" I ask in a quiet squeak that sounds nothing like me.

_How does he do this to me?_

"Not yet," his voice lowers an octave as he laughs. "I just took off my jacket and shoes."

"Oh," I answer, biting my bottom lip as he continues to laugh in the same deep voice.

God, just the sound of his laugh is making me shiver like a horny teenager. I lift my knees to my chest and fight the urge to whimper.

"Are you naked?" Edward whispers through the phone and I practically arch off the fucking bed.

"Maybe," I whisper back, and fight the urge to giggle. I swear I lose I.Q. points the hornier I get.

"Tell me!" He growls, and I can't stop the groan that comes out of me.

"Yes," I answer in a hiss, stretching my legs out across my bed and roll over to press the side of my face into the pillow. The scent of soap and something spicy tickles my nose. It smells just like Edward. I inhale deeply and moan.

"Sounds like you're getting started without me," he chuckles, and I feel my face flush with heat.

"I'm not doing anything," I blurt out, suddenly embarrassed.

"Too bad," he sighs heavily. "Because I am."

His voice is light, but the implication of his words is enough to send a shudder through me, making me clench and jerk my hips.

"Fuck," I groan into the pillow and hear him gasp through the phone.

"Yes, exactly," his voice is a strained whisper. "Are you touching yourself?"

My brain is lurching. Is this really happening? Am I really having phone sex with Edward?

_Fuck YES!_

"Now, I am," I sigh, sliding my hand over my breast and start to gently plucking at my nipple.

"Good," he breathes out and I imagine him with his hand wrapped around his cock, stroking himself.

Another surge of pleasure ripples through me, making me grind my teeth.

"Why aren't you here?" I ask in low rumbling groan.

"Stay focused," Edward hisses, and making me want to swear at him. "Where are your hands?"

"One's on my phone," I say, grinning like a brat, and move my free hand to my other breast. "The other one is playing with my tits."

"Put me on speaker phone," he sounds so intense, which seems to really work for me. My hand is trembling as I press the button. I can hear his breathing.

"Can you hear me?" I ask, setting the phone on the pillow beside me.

"Yes," he sounds even more out of breath, and I want him so bad I'm shaking. "Now, keep one hand on your breast and slide the other one over your stomach."

I quiver as I follow his orders, wondering where my brain went. Why am I okay with being ordered around? Why am I finding it so incredibly hot? I press my palm against my stomach, and imagine that it's Edward. Suddenly, my room feels hot and my skin becomes hyper sensitive. Every brush of my hand is making me ache to get off.

"Leah," Edward's voice is calling to me from the pillow and my mouth opens slightly, wishing for his lips.

"Yes," I gasp as my nail cuts a line across my stomach.

"Slide your hand down further," he sounds tense, almost pained. "Touch yourself."

I bite my lip as I slide my shaking hand between my open legs. I brush my fingers down over my lips.

"Shit," I gasp at how wet I am.

"What?" he sounds so concerned that I smile, and fight the urge to laugh.

"I'm just really fucking wet," I pant, as my fingers spread the moisture in teasing circles around my clit.

"FUCK!" Edward groans through the phone. I lose the fight and laugh softly. The movement shakes me and my finger grazes the tip of my clit.

"Cockshit!" I yelp, burning heat pours into me, lifting me closer and making my body shudder with tension.

"Did you just come?" Edward almost sounds hopeful.

"No, FUCK!" I grumble and slam my fist into the mattress, next to my hip.

"You sound disappointed," he laughs through the phone.

"I am!" my voice sounds whiny, and I return my fingers to tease myself.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Edward's voice has that deep tone again, and I close my eyes, trying to remember the look he has on his face when he sounds like that.

"I think you already are," I sigh, sliding my feet up the mattress. I spread my lips, letting the cool air reach new, under-exposed, parts of my pussy.

"If I was helping enough, you would have come by now," he's panting slightly, and I like it.

"Then drive over her and fuck me," I growl, and start to tease my inner lips, tracing the edge of my entrance.

"Fuck," Edward grunts, the sound makes me gasp and I feel myself tighten around my finger. "I don't think I could safely operate a vehicle in this condition."

"Where's the white knight now?" I try to sound sarcastic, but my nail catches the edge of my inner lip and it sends a shot of electricity through my pelvis making me gasp.

"He's got his rock hard dick in his hand," his voice cracks, and I clench as I slide a finger inside myself.

"Tell me more," I moan while my finger does a lame impression of Edward's cock as it fucks me.

"Like how badly I want to be inside you, right now?" His voice sounds louder as it echoes in my head, and my pussy grips my finger in response.

"Not as bad as I want you to fuck me senseless," I say, smiling, as I slipping another finger into me. It's still not the same. I want more. I want _him_.

"Is this a contest?" His laugh is cut off by a throaty groan. "Or a race?"

"If it is, I bet I'll win," I answer, my fingers moving faster.

"You're on," Edward's smug voice just intensifies the itching pleasure that's burning my pussy. "Where are your hands?"

"Fucking me," I gasp, and tilt my hips up, trying to get a better angle. I hear him take in a rushed breath as I slide my free hand down and trace circles over my clit. "Where are yours?"

"Rubbing my dick so hard I think I'm going to start a fire," Edward sounds like he's hyperventilating. "Are your legs spread?"

"Yes," I manage to say, as I try to raise myself up, but my legs start to shake too much. "I've got two fingers inside myself, but I can't get the same fucking angle that you always seem to achive."

"Try putting some pillows under your lower back," he pants.

"Oh," I blurt out as I grab two of the pillows and jam them under my back.

"I wish I had your beautiful mouth on me," he sighs, and I resist the urge to lick my phone.

"Put your thumb in your mouth," I manage to grunt as I angle my hips, and my fingers slide deeper than I imagined was possible.

"Is this some kind of kinky thing?" his serious tone and the hesitation in his voice makes me laugh.

"I'm trying to help you," I groan, as my body contracts around my fingers and my clit starts to get friction burns. "How much of your head is exposed?" I ask trying to find a good rhythm.

I picture him a seated at the end of the bed, his huge dick in his hand, rubbing his white-knuckled fist up and down his dick.

"It's halfway exposed," He says, and I notice that his voice seems to hitch in a rhythm as he breathes.

"Lick your thumb, get it nice and wet," I instruct him as I imagine him following my advice. "Now rub it over the head."

"Okay," he replies, and I stop for a second to wait to hear his response. "OH MY GOD!" Edward's voice blares out of the phone just as I slide my fingers inside of myself.

"Did you come?" I ask, shifting my hips, and resuming rubbing my clit.

"No, but I'm close," he sounds like he's running a marathon, and he kind of is. "How about you?"

I'm about to tell him that while the pillow trick is nice, it doesn't seem to work, when it occurs to me to move my fingers. I curl them in a 'come hither' motion, and I feel the tip of my finger brush something soft.

"SHIT!" I screech as a shot of pleasure screams through me. "We've hit gold!"

"I guess so," he laughs, and I hear that same hitch in the rhythm of his breathing.

I realize that it has to be the rhythm of his hand, and I quickly try to match it.

"Don't slow down, I'm close," I gasp and choke as keep working myself.

"I'm with you," Edward's voice is a strained whisper. "I wish I could see you."

"I wish you were here," I breathe, my body trembling and starts to clench around my fingers.

"Leah," he says my name in a shuddered exhale that pushes me even closer to coming.

"Edward," I groan back at him, and hear his heavy breathing. "Come for me." I whisper toward the phone as I lift my hips higher, and I brush that spot again.

"Fuck," Edward gasps. "I'm comi-" his strangled cry fills my ears, making my body stiffen and shudder, as I imagining Edward's face as he's coming.

"FUCKING BALL SHIT!" I scream, jamming my fingers into myself as my orgasm rocks through me with such force that I nearly pass out.

* * *

"You still there?" I ask, trying to catch my breath.

"What's left of me, yes," Leah replies, breathless and laughing. "I think I'm paralyzed from the waist down. I can't feel my legs."

"I know how you feel," my voice is shaky, and I feel lightheaded.

"Now, I get to curl up all alone in this big bed," she sighs heavily, and I start to mentally weigh the pros and cons of driving over.

"I know how you feel," I yawn, remembering how sleep-deprived I am, and resign myself to trying to see her tomorrow.

Alec has a doctor's appointment in the morning, and there is a ton of work to catch up on, since I took the weekend off from the shelter.

"So it's good night then?" she sounds so disappointed.

"For now," I whisper, and wish that I could convince her to come here, but I don't have the energy to argue with her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Really?" She asks, her voice sounding higher than normal. I can't help but smile at her excitement.

"Yes, now go to sleep." I try to sound stern despite my laughter. "Dream about me."

"Mmm… I'll dream about your big dick," she exhales softly.

"Good night, Leah," I laugh into the phone.

"Night, Edward," she yawns and I hesitate for a second wanting to say something more, but I don't know what.

"Bye," I say lamely, as I ending the call.

I stare down at myself, and feel mildly repulsed at my messy state. I toss the phone onto my bed, and start to strip off my clothes. I haven't done something like that since I was in high school. I chuckle at myself as I deposit my soiled clothes in my hamper. I walk naked to the bathroom, thankful that I decided to install the heated floor. I turn on the shower, and glance at the Jacuzzi tub. I imagine how much room I would have to fuck Leah in this tub.

I check the temperature of the water, and step into the spray. I close my eyes as the water pummels and sears my skin. My mind fills with the image of Leah's face as she came in the shower.

" _Edward, don't stop," she gasped and clawed at my shoulders. I moaned, and continued to slide my tongue inside her as she quivered above me._

"Fuck," I groan, and begin to stroke myself. I don't know why I didn't just go over to her place. Even when she is not here, I can't escape Leah, and I no longer want to even try.


	9. A Case of the Mondays

"Hey Felix," I greet him as I sit down at the lunchroom table with my cup of coffee.

"Morning, Edward," Felix grunts around a mouthful of scrambled eggs.

"How are you doing?" I smile, and gently pat his shoulder.

"Fried," he grumbles, and takes a swig of his orange juice. "Coach says I'm not focused enough. I'm having a heck of a time keeping up with my school work and now I need to study for the SATs."

"I've told you before that you don't have to continue playing football," I try to reassure him as I blow on my coffee.

Felix's mother died three months ago, and his father is serving a life sentence for Walla Walla. He has no other family. I've kept him out of the foster care system through a special program that Gareth created. Felix is legally emancipated but it's conditional, as long as he lives at the shelter and graduates from high school. He didn't want to quit the team; I think he feels it's his ticket to college. Felix is far smarter than he gives himself credit for, well in some areas.

"Hey, Jane," Felix's face lights up as he greets her.

Jane looks over at us, and gives me a guilty smirk before sitting next to Alec with her back to us.

"I know that you told Heidi that nothing happened the other night..." I speak in a hushed tone, but Felix shakes his head.

"Edward," he protests softly, and gives me an annoyed look. "I didn't lie. Nothing happened."

"I'm not just talking about Sunday night," I sound angrier than I intended.

Sexual activity, of any kind, cannot be allowed in the shelter. The kids can't even hold hands or kiss while on shelter property. It would give anyone wanting to shut us down just enough the ammunition they need to do it. Plus, no matter how tough some of these kids seem, developmentally they are still kids, and they're not ready for all the complications that come with having sex.

"We've never done anything more than make out a little, and that was at the park," he rebuts, adamantly. I watch him closely, trying to see if he's lying.

"She is fifteen," I emphasize, and realize that I'm getting a little loud. I look up and see Jane scowling at me over her shoulder.

"I know," Felix whispers back at me reassuringly and puts his hand on my shoulder. "I'm not going to take her cherry."

"Good," I try to sound calm even though the urge to slam his face into the table is warring with the calm voice in my head; it reminds me that he's only seventeen and I'm responsible for his health and safety.

"Not until she tells me that she loves me," he says with a proud smile, and winks at Jane who rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to her plate.

"What?" I ask, as the logical side of my brain starts to lose the war and my fingers tighten into a fist.

"Listen," he sighs, and leans in close to whisper to me. "Girls don't say it unless they really mean it, especially girls like Jane. If I want to make her **my** girl, which I do, I've got to stay strong and hold out. It's the only way to keep her interested in me."

I stare at what has to be the most naïve boy I have ever met and I am speechless. He really loves her, and I can't help but wonder if he has any idea how much heartache he's inviting on himself. Women can lie just as well as men.

"All right people, it's time to finish up and get moving," Heidi's voice jars me out of my stunned gawking and I glance up to see her sporting a rather ridiculously large pair of sunglasses. "Felix, your bus is waiting; get moving."

"Right," he mumbles as he scoops the rest of his eggs and bacon between two pieces of toast to make for a greasy, makeshift breakfast sandwich. "Nice talking with ya, Edward."

"Here's your lunch money," Heidi smiles as she slides an envelope into the pocket of his letter jacket and lightly pats his shoulder.

"Bye, Felix," Jane says in a high-pitched feminine voice that sounds nothing like her. Felix looks back to give her a dopey smile, nearly running into the doorway as he leaves.

"Jane!" Heidi yells her name before I can. "You have an appointment with your tutor and Alec, you have a doctor's appointment. Janie and Sarah, your bus is outside too. Lauren, you have an appointment with the nurse and Carl, you have a job interview in an hour. Everyone else, you have fifteen minutes to eat up and get out for free time."

Most of the kids here aren't permanent residents, so we have to let the kids out of the shelter for certain spans of time to keep this from being considered a permanent home. Being a temporary shelter allows us to skirt certain laws that would normally protect children, one of which is notify their parents that they are here. Parents should be a child's the protector, their safe haven. In the short time that I've worked here, I've learned that too often that is simply not the case.

I glance up to see Lauren passing my table. I smile at her and she quickly looks away. She's been with us for a month, ever since she recovered from having had a bottle of drain cleaner pumped out of her stomach. Apparently, Lauren's father had been tricking her out to his friends since she was eleven. After she miscarried for the third time at age sixteen, she decided to end the pain herself. A longtime friend of my father's was Lauren nurse in the ER. She risked her job by sneaking Lauren out of the hospital and into my car, before her father arrived.

"Morning Ed," Carl waves as he hurries past. His mother told him that she never wanted children when she dumped him at a grocery store and disappeared. He waited for her to return for two days before a former resident who works at the store noticed him and gave him a ride to the shelter. I don't know how parents can treat their children like this, throwing them away as if they are garbage.

A clipboard slams down on the table in front of me, jolting me from my thoughts. I look up at my own reflection in Heidi's sunglasses.

"You need to review her file," she speaks through tight lips and turns around, walking away.

"Heidi!" I call to her, as I jog after her and finally catch her in her office.

"I'm really busy," she says, sitting at her desk, and making a point to stare at her computer monitor.

"I'm sorry about the other night," I sigh, raking my fingers through my hair as I try to figure out the right words to say.

"Yeah, well I got the job at Volt," she says, typing and absent mindedly flipping her hair off her shoulder.

"That's great," I try to sound enthusiastic, but it's hard when the reality of her leaving sets in.

"I told him that they'll have to wait for a few months," she talks in a clipped business tone, but I can see the hint of a smile on her lips and relief floods through me. "It took me forever to get this place in decent running order. I am not about to let you bring in some hare-brained temp to screw it all up."

"Thank you," I say, my throat tightening a little as I realize that Heidi is a friend as well as a coworker.

"You're welcome," she sighs, sliding off her sunglasses to reveal a kaleidoscope of greens, purples and black bruising all around her eye.

"Oh my god!" I gasp and rush over to look at her face.

"It looks worse than it is," she says with a weak smile.

"I am so sorry," I say, kneeling down in front of her.

"Just keep your crazy girlfriend away from me, okay?" she groans and pats my shoulder stiffly. While I know she is referring to Leah, I'm taken aback, because I've never considered her as my girlfriend before.

"I'll be sure to talk with her; again, I'm sorry," I say as I stand.

"You do that. Now, go get Alec; you two have an appointment at Swedish in an half an hour." Heidi turns back to her keyboard and starts to tap away.

I head toward the door of her office, still confused and conflicted.

"You owe me new pair of Manolo Blahniks. You're friend Demetri is a bit of a freak," she says with a smirk, and I wish I didn't know exactly what she's talking about, but I do.

"I suppose that's fair," I say with a grimace, and she beams at me as I turn to leave.

* * *

"Hello, this is Leah," I answer the phone for the millionth time.

_Why are Mondays so made of suck?_

"Hey, I've got some guy here to see you," Carlo growls through the phone, and I roll my eyes.

"Could you be more specific?" I ask, turning back to my computer, and realize that I just timed out of the damn system. I hate this fancy labor tracking program.

"He says his name is Cullen," Carlo snorts, and mumbles something.

Panic surges through me, and I completely mistype my password.

"What?" I gulp and look around the office. Kathy is studying a quarterly finance report, and Hope is watching me with a tiny smirk tilting the corner of her mouth up.

"Oh, wait," Carlo chirps in my ear. "Kim's here; she's bringing him up."

"WHAT?" I squawk, and I stand up. The cord for my headset pulls the phone across my desk, knocking my keyboard, and most of my paperwork, to the floor.

"You okay over there?" Kathy asks smoothly, as Hope laughs so hard that she almost falls backward out of her chair.

"I'm fine," I say, carefully removing my headset, and immediately try to straighten up the mess.

I'm under my desk, trying to reach a direct deposit form when I hear two sets of footsteps walk toward me. At least they're coming up from the front of my desk so they can't see my ass sticking out.

"Leah?" Kim calls to me, and I scramble out from under my desk.

"I'm here," I grumble, and start to stand. I stop as a firm grip takes hold of my elbow. I look up and meet Edward's amused smile.

"Lose something?" He asks, as he lifts me to my feet and I yank my arm out of his grip.

"Just my dignity," I mumble and look at Kim, who looks like she's about to her piss herself from holding her laughter in.

"Thanks, Kim," I say, giving her my best threatening look and turn back to Edward.

"What are you doing here?" I growl, and try ignore the way my heart is hiccupping as a little voice in my head is squealing that he's here.

"I wanted to take you out for lunch," he says with a shrug, and I wrack my brain for a reason to turn him down.

"I've got a lot of work to do," I say, looking at my desk and realizing that my keyboard is still hanging by its cord. "Shit."

I lean down to pick it up and set on the desk. Edward sets his hand down on my desk and I feel him press against my shoulder.

"Just say yes, they're staring at us," he whispers, and I glance up to see three sets of eyes immediately look away.

_Fuck me sideways._

"Let me just lock down my computer," I mumble, hitting the keys and watching my screensaver pop up. A picture of Bella and I posing in front of a giant cactus pops up and then fades into a photo of me and Uncle Charlie sitting on the dock by Uncle Billy's house. I was five and he was trying to show me how to cast for the first time. I grab my jacket and turn to see Edward staring at my computer with a smile on his face.

"Move," I say, pushing him away from my desk.

We're walking across First Avenue headed toward Pyramid Brewery, because it's the easiest and closest option. I can feel Edward smirking at me, but I don't feel like having a scene in the middle of the fucking street. I wait until we make it to the entrance and as he steps forward to open the door for me, I give him a good hard glare.

"What's so funny?" I ask with a sneer as I walk into the tiny waiting area.

"Hey there folks," The peppy cleavage with a squeaky voice greets me with a brilliant fake smile that shows off her perfectly straight teeth. I don't respond, but instead I wait and watch. I see the exact moment when she notices Edward and completely forgets that I exist. "Hi, I'm Brandy," she says in a sultry voice as leans forward showing off more of her tits, which really aren't that great.

"Hi," Edward says, I glance at him and smile at the look of annoyance on his face. At least he has the decency to dislike her reaction.

"Table for two," I say, leaning in front of him and giving her a grin that says," Back the fuck off, bitch,"

"Oh, let me see what I can do," she sighs, leaning back and staring at the seating chart like she's translating the Torah.

"I should have just let you deal with this," I turn toward Edward and feel his slide his hand under my jacket.

"I like it when you're like that," he whispers, his hand glides over my hip and up to my waist. It's a small rather tame gesture but I've never been more turned on.

"Are you sure your hungry?" I ask, looking up into his eyes and wish that I wasn't this fucking easy. Edward's smile widens as he leans down toward me. I feel waves of panic war with the thrill of anticipation tumbling inside my stomach as he gets close to kissing me.

"Excuse me," Bimbotits appears right beside us, with her fake smile in place. "Your table's ready."

"It can wait a minute," I growl, grabbing Edward's hair and yanking him down for a vicious kiss.

He grabs my waist and pulls me flush against his body as he moans into my mouth. I am two seconds from tearing off his clothes and fucking him in front of Tits McGee, when common sense kicks in.

"Okay," I gasp, breaking the kiss, and see that Edward's just as breathless. "Lead the way, Candy."

"Brandy," she hisses at me, and walks past us.

"Whatever," I snort, and Edward tries to grab at my waist. "Stop."

"Stop what?" he chuckles, and drags his fingers along my chin.

"Asshole," I snap, slapping his hand away. He grabs my hand and holds onto my wrist as we continue to walk.

"Here," Brandy says, slapping our menus down. "Kyle will be your waiter. Have a nice lunch."

She mumbles as she walks away, and I can't muster any sympathy for her. Edward releases my wrist, and starts to pull off my coat. I turn to stare at him as he places it neatly over the back of my chair as he pulls it out for me to sit.

"Are you going to start calling me 'My Lady?'" I grumble, and sit down.

"Only if you wear a dress," he replies, sliding off his own coat and sits down. It's a thick wool navy peacoat, and I want to touch it, but I turn my eyes to look at the menu.

I stare at the menu for several minutes without really seeing it. I'm too busy trying hard not to look at Edward as he studies his own menu.

"Afternoon, guys. How's it going?" A familiar voice draws my attention away from not looking at Edward, and I look up to see Calvin Klein Kyle. "Leah!"

"Hey, Kyle," I greet him with a wave, and wish I could hide under the table.

Calvin Klein Kyle is one of the hottest waiters at Pyramid. The girls and I practically have his work schedule memorized. We would stop by for lunch at least once a week to sexually harass him. He loved it, of course, and gave as much as he got. About six months ago, we all met up here for drinks after work. Kyle happened to be finishing up his shift and joined us. He and I ended up making out in my car in the parking lot.

I didn't sleep with him, but he gave me his phone number; I just couldn't bring myself to call him. He's too pretty, and too nice. He's a science teacher for fuck's sake. He got laid off due to budget cuts and he has been staying afloat by waiting tables. It's bad enough that Hope took to playing Van Halen's _Hot for Teacher,_ every time I get ready for lunch. She even made it my ringtone on her fucking cell phone.

_Fucking Hope!_

"Would you and your gentleman friend like a frosty beverage?" Kyle asks with a polite smile, and my palms start to sweat.

"The gentleman would like the IPA," Edward says in a strange tone, his hand sliding over mine. "What would you like?" He leans in close to me, and I glance at him out of the corner of my eye.

"I'll have a root beer," I mumble, turning my head to look at him.

"She'll have a root beer," he says to Kyle with a polite smile on his face that I realize is totally fake.

"Great, I'll get those for you while you guys decide what you want to eat," Kyle replies, smirking as he turns to walk away.

"Root beer?" Edward chuckles, and squeezes my arm.

"I've got to go back to work," I grumble, and Edward smiles at me as his thumb traces small circles on my arm.

I'm about to say something regarding his sudden bout of touchy-feeliness, but Kyle appears out of nowhere, holding our drinks.

"All right," Kyle says, giving us one of his prizewinning movie star smiles as he sets the drinks down on paper coasters and pulls out his little notepad. "Are you guys ready to order?"

"Have you decided?" Edward leans over his head next to mine, I can feel his soft hair brush against my cheek, and I give him a sideways glance.

"Bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a side of ranch dressing," I ramble off my standard order and shove my menu across the table.

"I'll have the same," he says in that same false smile, but there's a hint of something in his eyes as he sets his menu on top of mine.

"Right," Kyle mumbles, grabbing the menus and retreating to the safety of the kitchen.

"How about you just pee a circle around the table, I don't think Kyle got your subtle hint," I grumble, and stare at Edward.

"Do you think they would notice?" He turns his head to look at me, that smug fucking smile sliding right into place.

"They'll definitely notice when I knock you out with my chair," I reply with a frown.

"You suggested it," he chuckles, leaning back and I can finally take a deep breath.

"Just drink your beer," I snap, and take a sip of my root beer.

Edward lifts the glass of amber liquid to his lips and takes a sip, his tongue gliding along the rim of the glass as he pulls it away. A shiver shoots through me and I try to cover it by pretending to crack my neck.

"How do you like working at the Qwest Field?" He tilts his head to the side to look at me with a smile that makes my throat tighten.

"We're not going to do this, are we?" I give him a stern look.

"What are we doing?" He looks confused, and I start to feel like a bitch.

"Small talk," I say with roll of my eyes, and start to unwrap my utensils from the paper napkin. "We aren't good at that."

Edward doesn't speak, and I want to look at him, but I'm too much of a pussy to see what his reaction will be.

"Well, we can't do what we're good at _here_ ," Edward's hot breath washes over my ear and neck.

I shiver again as he runs his lips down the side of my neck, and his hand slides around the back of my neck. I close my eyes and wish that I had the strength to stop him, but it's gone.

"Edward," I whisper, gripping my butter knife in a white-knuckled fist as Edward's free hand slides up my thigh. "Please don't."

He's gone in an instant, and I look over to see him lifting his beer to his lips again. His expression is passive as his eyes stare out the tall bay windows. I follow his gaze, to look at the murky sky set behind the stadium and Safeco Field. Seagulls cut across the skyline making lazy circles over the streetlights.

I glance back at Edward and he's still staring out the window, his face calm. I feel guilty, like I've done something wrong by not allowing him to get to second base in a restaurant. I chew at my bottom lip and debate on what I should say.

"Here we are," Kyle comes around the corner with a food-laden tray on his shoulder.

He sets down our plates, and checks that we're okay before leaving again. I make a mental note to give him a big tip, and watch Edward silently set up his food. It's like watching an Ethiopian coffee ceremony. He carefully unfolds his napkin and utensils, setting each on in the proper position next to his plate. Then he takes his butter knife and cuts his burger in half. He lays the soiled knife on the corner of his plate and picks up half of his burger. Every movement is precise, like he's done this a million times in this exact order. It makes me want to scream.

"Wait!" I yelp, just as he is about to take a bite.

"Something wrong?" He looks concerned, and starts to study his food carefully.

"Put it down," I say, pointing at his burger half.

"Why?" He asks me with a raised eyebrow.

"Just do it," I groan, and push his wrist till he sets it down on the plate.

I pick up his plate, and switch it with mine, making sure to knock his spoon and fork on the floor. He leans over to pick them up and I grab his arm.

"Leave them," I say and hold on to his arm until he sits up. "Now, don't _cut_ it, just _eat_ it."

He slowly smiles as he stares at me, and I use the opportunity to yank his napkin off his lap. I crumple it and toss it on to the table.

"Better?" He asks, his smile quickly growing into a full-blown smirk.

"Just eat," I sneer as I pick up his OCD burger. I take a bite, enjoying the smoky flavor of the bacon as Edward shakes his head. He picks up his burger, and takes a bite, just as a greasy blob of ketchup drops onto the front of his shirt.

* * *

"Sir, I've been over here twice," the slender bitchy flight attendant is standing with her hands on her hips, and glares at us.

"Sheila," Emmett says, in his most charming voice, sliding his hand over my arm; I lean back into me seat so I don't have to see her. "As you can see, I am what they call a stout man, and these tiny bottles are like drinking from an eyedropper."

"I understand, but we have certain regulations that we have to follow," Sheila pleads; I don't have to see her face to know that he's winning her over with his Cullen charm.

"I'll tell you what," he says, in the tone of voice that always makes me want to curl my toes. "You take this, give me some those bottles, and I'll won't bother you for the rest of the flight."

Emmett leans back and pats my leg. I can see Sheila's face as she looks around nervously and then nods, before disappearing.

"How much did you give her?" I ask, and press my forehead to his shoulder.

"Enough to keep her out of our hair," he says, and leans over to kiss my head.

Before I can argue with him, Sheila appears with a bag and six-pack of tonic water.

"This is the best I could do," she says in a hushed voice, and dumps the items into Emmett's lap.

"Thank you," he calls after her, and hands me the bag.

I open it and see it's packed with tiny _Tanqueray_ bottles, and a small sandwich bag of slices of lime slices.

"Wanna hand me a bottle, babe?" Emmett's already opening a can of tonic water, and I sigh.

"Here," I hand him a bottle and put the bag on the floor by my feet. I don't care about the fucking limes.

"Say when," he mumbles as he pours the liquor in the glass and I don't say anything until he stops pouring.

"I didn't say when," I grumble.

"You're not drinking it straight," he counters, in a rare show of defiance.

"Just pour in the tonic and give it to me," I grumble and gaze out the window.

Clouds. That's all I can see, which is probably for the best.

"Can I have a kiss first?" He asks, his earnest brown eyes making my heart twist a little.

"Thank you," I whisper, pressing my lips to his.

I feel a little hitch in my chest as he gently presses his lips to mine. No tongue, no horndog, just a kiss. This is why I love Emmett. For all his bluster, in his heart he is a good man, who, for some inexplicable reason, loves me. His hand slides along my cheek as he pulls back from the kiss, and I feel a little regret.

"Now drink up. It'll make you big and strong like me," he whispers with a wink and a smile.

I know that he's not nearly as comfortable with my drinking as he's acting like he is, but he knows I need it. I take a deep drink, and wrinkle my nose a little at the piney scent of the gin.

I haven't been home since the trial, five long years, and yet I still feel jumpy as fuck. I press my flushed face into Emmett's warm arm, and try to push away those dark, unwanted thoughts. Gail says that I should focus on positive things when my dark moods strike, but I can't think of anything positive. So, I go to my default, which is anger.

The image of the tell-tale guilt on Edward's face as he held those concert tickets floats into my mind, and the comforting burn of rage sparks to life in me. I can't fucking believe it, and yet, I can. I'd been wondering when those two were going to fucking clash. I just never thought that Leah would ever recognize Edward's ridiculous schoolboy antics as his twisted way of flirting. I sure as hell never thought that Edward would have the balls to actively pursue her.

Edward's never been shy about trying to match or exceed Emmett in every way. Fucking Emmett's ex just seems low, even for Edward. Sometimes I don't know how Emmett could love him, for all the shit he causes, and how cold he is. He's nothing like Emmett, or even Alice, for that matter. Edward is a smug, arrogant asshole.

_Leah, what the hell are you thinking?_

Emmett finishes making himself a drink, albeit a very watered down one, and takes a sip.

"I don't know how you can drink this, it tastes like window cleaner," he makes a sour face at me, and I give him the laugh that he was hoping for.

"I'll get you a wine cooler when we land," I reply with a smirk, as he belches loudly.

"That's my baby, you know how to take me out and treat me right," he pats my arm and kisses my forehead.

* * *

As we walk out into the chilled air, Edward takes my wrist in his hand and I stop on the stairway leading to the parking lot.

"Why are you doing that?" I ask, staring at his hand gripping my wrist.

"Does it bother you?" His voice has a tone of challenge in it and I look at his face. "Do you want me to stop?" Edward's smiling at me as the wind plays with his hair, and his eyes are pinched in the corners.

I don't know how to answer. It does bother me, but that's because I don't want him to stop. This whole situation seems so weird. We'd eaten lunch in relative silence, aside from a short-lived debate over the check, which I won. This had to be the most bizarre lunch date I'd ever had. If it was a date.

Why do I care if is or not?

"Edward!" Someone yells his name and Edward looks up, his smile disappearing immediately. I pull my hand free of his grip, ignoring the smoldering hurt in my chest, and look to see two teenagers running toward us. One's tall and lanky. He almost looks like a super-skinny, baby-faced version of Edward. The girl is tiny with limp blond hair, and she's giving me a look, like she's sizing me up. They don't look like anyone I would ever imagine Edward would know. They look homeless.

"What are you guys doing over here?" Edward sounds so much like Carlisle that I have to fight to not smile as he stomps down the stairs to greet them.

"Hey, don't look at me," the blond girl holds up her hands and gestures toward the boy.

"I got a disposable camera from Heidi as an early Christmas present," the boy pants as he talks. He looks deathly pale and gaunt. "I wanted to get a picture of us in the catcher's mitt sculpture."

"Where's your coat?" Edward seems to not hear a thing the kid was saying. He walks up to the boy, pulling off his own coat and wrapping it around the kid.

"So, who are you?" the little blond says, giving me the hairy eyeball, and I resist the urge to laugh. I'm sure that she is tough, but I'm far from intimidated.

"Leah," I say, walking past her toward Edward. I'm not about get into a pissing match with a teenaged girl. I have to draw the line somewhere.

"Your lips are blue," Edward grumbles at the boy who's rolling his eyes as Edward rubs his arms vigorously.

"He can warm up in the office if you want," I say, touching Edward's shoulder.

"No," he snaps, looking at me like he forgot that I was there.

"Okay, I need to get back," I mumble, walking away.

I make it to the intersection, but the light is red and there's too much traffic for me to jaywalk. I punch the walk button, wishing it would just override all the lights.

"Leah!" Edward sounds out of breath as he jogs up beside me.

"Why are you here?" I ask, as I turn to stare at him. His face is flushed, and he looks so pretty. Guys are not supposed to be pretty like this; it should be criminal.

"I wanted to take you to lunch," he looks confused and guilty.

Good, he deserves to feel guilty.

"Thanks for lunch," I sigh, and try to wave away whatever he's going to say. I can see the kids approaching us.

"Please," he grabs my wrist and I clench my jaw as I stare at the way his pale fist is fastened to my dark arm. "I want to introduce you."

I try to squash the sense of dread as I face the two kids.

"Leah, this is Alec and Jane," Edward says, releasing my wrist and gesturing to the two kids. "They're residents at the runaway shelter that I've been managing for one of Dad's friends."

"Hi," Alec says waving a baggy sleeve and smiling widely at me.

"So, you two doing it?" Jane asks, a look of mischief in her bright blue eyes.

I see Edward's eye nearly pop out of his head and decide to have some fun.

"Yes," I answer with a smirk.

Edward's looks up at me as his mouth drops open.

"Is he any good?" Jane smirks with devilish glee.

"Jane!" Edward pleads, and steps forward to touch her shoulder.

"Better than most," I say, with a shrug.

"LEAH!" Edward finally yells.

"He's looks funny when he's mad," Jane laughs as Edward starts to turn bright red.

I'm about to admit that I think he looks hot, when loud coughing interrupts our laughter. Edward is moving toward Alec, before I even register that the boy is the who is coughing. He's bent over, his whole body shaking with each cough. Jane's suddenly by his side, her hands on his face, as she whispers to him.

"Relax, don't fight it," Edward says in a calm voice, one arm wrapped around the boy's shoulder. After several tense minutes, Alec's coughing subsides, and he rises up, somehow looking paler than he had before.

"My car is parked in the lot behind the restaurant, and my keys are in the right hand pocket." Edward pats Alec's side. "You are allowed to turn it on to warm up, but if it's even an inch out of place when I return, you both lose your TV room privileges for a week."

"Sure thing," Jane says, grabbing her brother by Edward's coat and pulling him away. "Bye, Leah!"

"Bye," I laugh as they walk away, watching Alec wave back at me. "You should just go with them."

I want to ask him when he started running a shelter. Emmett told me that he quit his fancy corporate job, but I had assumed it was because he got bored. That's what rich kids do, quit jobs, and hang out, because they can afford to mooch off their parents. A runaway shelter didn't fit into my mental picture of Edward; neither did seeing him act like a big brother to two street kids. It's a side of Edward that I've never seen before and I kind of like it.

"I want to walk you back to your office," he says, walking up and holding out his hand to me.

I stare at it for a second, and sigh as I finally slide my hand into his. We cross the intersection, and walk past the sculpture that Alec mentioned.

"You should let him take the pictures," I say, as I glance to check traffic at the next light, and feel Edward's fingers tight on my hand.

"He's got a heart condition," he says, and I look at his face, but he's staring at the sidewalk. "He really shouldn't be out of the shelter."

"Then you _**really**_ should let him take the pictures," I say, and pull him across the street toward the event center before the light changes.

We walk in silence all the way to the employee entrance, and I finally let go of his hand. I reach into my pocket to pull out my badge for the scanner, and Edward grabs my waist.

"Edward," I gasp, as he pushes me up against the hard cement wall. I grab his shoulders, to hold him off while glance around. I don't see anyone in my line of sight.

"Are you afraid of your coworkers seeing?" He's smiling, his eyes focused on my face.

"Yes," I hiss as he presses his body into mine, and I give up the fight.

"I wanted to do this all day," he breathes against my lips, tracing the line of my mouth with the tip of his tongue.

Edward's hands are cold as they slide under my shirt, and his thumbs skim over my nipples.

"Shit," I moan as I feel his thigh slide between my legs, and presses against my clit.

"Tell me you want me," Edward sighs, darting his tongue into my mouth, and jerking back when I try to capture him in a kiss.

"Don't tease..." I groan, clawing at his shoulders to drag him closer.

"Say it," he growls, dragging the blunt edge of his teeth along my jaw.

"No," I snap, grabbing a fist full of his hair try to yank him down to me.

Edward shifts his head to press his face to my neck, and laughs in a hot breathy tone. His hands slide from my breast across my stomach to the front of my jeans.

"Stop," I gasp, pushing against his chest.

"What?" He looks confused, turned on, and gorgeous.

"I'm not going to fuck you here," I spit, pushing him the rest of the way off me.

"Haven't you ever just made out?" He asks, reaching a hand up to comb his fingers through my hair.

"I'm not a horny fucking teenager!" My voice sounds strange to me, like I'm pleading with him, and he just smiles at me.

"You could have fooled me." He cups my face in his palm as his other hands slides inside my pants, and brushes over my throbbing clit.

I start to make incoherent sounds as Edward's fingers dance over my clit and he tightens his fist in my hair. He shifts his body, changing the angle of his arm and slides his finger inside me. I gasp as he yanks my head to side, and he devours my open mouth.

* * *

The wind slams into me, cutting through me like a knife as I walk around to the parking lot, behind Pyramid Brewery. I can't stop thinking about how Leah moved underneath me, her soft pliant moans and all the things I'm going to do to her tonight once I can actually get her clothes off.

As I walk up on to my car, I see that it's running, the exhaust is pumping into the cold air. I can hear Jane and Alec bickering inside as I walk around the back of the car, and it suddenly lurches backward. I quickly jump out of the way, and it jerks to a stop as the engine dies. I run up to the driver's side window and look inside to see Jane behind the wheel yelling at her brother.

"Jane," I sigh, knocking on the window, and try to remain calm.

She turns her head slowly, and gives me her best innocent smile as she opens her door.

"Hi, Edward," she says in a pleasant voice.

I yank the door open and lean inside to grab the keys from the ignition. I press the button to open the truck and stand up.

"Out of the car, both of you," I try to sound neutral, and turn to head toward the trunk.

Mom and Alice gave me a bunch of winter clothes for the kids that they had picked up while gift shopping. I'm lucky that I forgot to unload them at the shelter this morning. I dig through the bag of accessories and find two sets of gloves.

"It's not my fault," Jane whines, appearing beside me.

"I don't want to hear it," I mumble, shoving a pair of gloves at her. "Alec."

"Yes," he pops into sight, my jacket hanging like a tent on him.

"Here," I toss the gloves to him, and he catches them and puts them on.

After a few more minutes I find two hats and a ski jacket that looks like it will fit Alec. I signal him to take off my coat and he immediately shrugs out of it. I hand him his new coat and hat.

"No new coat for me?" Jane asks as I put her a hat in her hands.

"That one isn't good enough?" I turn back to look at her in the thick wool coat that I gave her a month ago.

"She just wants to look like she skis," Alec said with a snort.

"Shut up, Dickcheese!" Jane spits at her brother, and I feel a headache coming on.

"Stop it, both of you!" I roar, sliding my jacket on and slamming the truck closed. "Everybody ready to go take pictures?"

"Yeah!" Alec croaks, jumping up and down.

"Can we go get coffee after?" Jane bats her eyes at me with exaggerated pleading.

"Fine," I sigh, despite my grin. "Let's go before we freeze to death."

* * *

I manage to get my clothing rearranged by the time I get up to the office, and find Jasper leaning against my desk.

"Jasper," my voice sounds high and squeaky. I cross the office, and immediately pull him into a bear hug.

"Eh, Leah," he grunts into my hair as I squeeze him hard.

I don't know why I'm ready to cry at the sight of him, and want to hold him like he's my long lost puppy.

"Sorry," I say, releasing him and stepping back to give him space.

"It's fine," he chuckles and gives me a concerned look.

"How did you get up here?" I ask, trying to regain my composure.

"Ms. Kathy was kind enough to vouch for me," he says, inclining his head toward Kathy's empty desk.

Hope is missing as well, but Kim is still at her workstation, ear buds jammed into her ears. She smiles at me and mouths the word, "lucky slut." I flip her off and turn back to Jasper.

"They went to lunch?" I try to sound casual, to cover for the panic that's screaming in my head. A sickening sensation twists my stomach, and I hope I don't have food poisoning.

"Yes, I chose to decline the invitation to join them to wait for you," his voice is the same a musical southern drawl that somehow sets me at ease, even as I'm stressing that the girls may have mentioned Edward.

"What's up?" I smile, walking over to sit down on the edge of my desk, and try to look casual.

"Just dropped by to borrow Rose's battery charger for the El Dorado," he sighs, stepping back to lean against the edge of my desk, a pained look passing over his face. "I suppose you heard."

"Rose told me," I sigh, and nod as I walk over to lean beside him. "It's weird, I know."

"Yes, but not unexpected," he breathes out and I lean against him. "I just need to get my stubborn ass to accept it."

"Once you figure out that whole not being stubborn thing, can you show me how?" I ask, hitting my shoulder against his, and I get a warm smile out of him.

"Well, I hope you don't mind if I choose to not hold my breath till that happens," he replies with a broad grin, and turns to face me. "So, how's my Indian Princess doing?" He asks in a smooth exaggerated Texas accent, and winks at me.

"Fine and dandy, Fucker!" I laugh, and slap his chest. "I should have never told you about that."

"I promised to never divulge your secret, but I did not agree to not tease you about it until we're old and gray," he says, his chuckling quickly dying down as he gives me a suspicious look.

"Whatever," I laugh, and notice he's watching me closely, like he knows something that I don't. "What?"

"You want to talk about anything?" He's smirking like a smug fucker, and I start sweat.

"No," I say, trying to look confused as an all too familiar pain spasms through my lower back. The urge to cry surfaces with a vengeance, but this time it's worse, because I know why it's there.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his smile disappearing.

"No," I say, and turn away. "Give me a sec."

I walk toward Kim's desk and try to look casual as I lean on the edge.

"I'm having a bit of an emergency," I whisper out the side of my mouth, and give her a meaningful look.

"I know," she chuckles, and shoots me back a knowing smirk. "Two guys in one day, I'm impressed."

"NO!" I hiss at her, and lean closer. "I mean, I am having an emergency!"

"Yeah?" Kim replies with a confused look that quickly melts into a shocked understanding. "Oh, OH!"

She yanks open the bottom drawer of her desk and I fight another spasm of pain, while she digs through her purse.

"Sorry, Sweetie," she says, sliding a small paper-wrapped tampon into my hand and I nearly cry with relief.

"Thank you," I say, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze, and glance back at a very confused Jasper.

"I'll be right back, Jazz!" I yell, giving a weak smile, before running to the bathroom.

_Fuck my life!_


	10. Suddenly Sweatpants

"Edward!" Leah looks surprised, as she stands in the doorway wearing a tattered pair of gray sweatpants, and white men's tank top.

She's not wearing a bra, and I'm momentarily distracted by the dark outline of her nipples, but quickly catch myself and return my eyes to her face. She looks tired, and almost sad.

"Hey," I reply, realizing that something is wrong.

"Hi," she mumbles, pressing her forehead against the doorframe.

I've spent most of the day anxious to see her. I tried to not rush through my paperwork, but eventually Heidi lost patience with my fidgeting and kicked me out. I sped over to here, my mind consumed with all the ways we could finish what we started at lunch. Now, I feel like this afternoon was years ago. I wonder what has changed.

"Well," she sighs, and turns around. "You might as well come on in."

I walk through the doorway, closing it behind me, and watch as she walks into her small living room. There's a colorful quilt piled on the couch that Leah pulls it over herself as she sits down.

"Are you not feeling well?" I ask, walking over to stand next to her, and notice a large coffee mug on the table.

The steam rising from the mug smells like chamomile tea.

"You could say that," she says, tilting her head backward to look up at me.

I place the back of my hand on her forehead, checking for a fever. Her skin is warm, but not enough to indicate that she's sick. I flip my hand over, and slide it along her cheek. Her deep brown eyes have dark circles beneath them, and her full lips are pulled down at the corners.

"Is there anything I can do?" I whisper, leaning down to press my lips against her forehead.

She groans and shifts away from me. I rest my palms on the arm of her couch, watching her stare at the television.

"You're not going to get any sex, so you might as well leave." Leah's voice sounds strained, and almost like she is going to cry.

I dismiss that notion immediately. I've never seen Leah cry, and I doubt that anything I do tonight is going to summon them from her now. My phone picks that moment to vibrate in my pocket. I stare at Leah's profile, and debate whether I should take the call.

"Excuse me a second," I say, rise up and pull out my phone.

As soon as I see that the text message is from Jasper, I smile.

**Music store open?**

I have an extensive collection of music. While I'm currently in the process of transitioning it all to mp3s, I still have most of my collection of vinyl records, CDs, and even a couple 8 tracks stored in my house. Jasper jokes that I have a music store hidden in my basement. He often comes over, either to borrow music or just to listen and talk about music.

I glance at Leah, and see her eyes shift back to the television. She was clearly watching me, and I wonder what she wants me to do. Jasper is offering me the perfect excuse to leave, and while I'd love to spend time with him, I can't leave her like this.

**Tomorrow 4**

I type in my reply, put my phone back into my pocket, and wonder how Jasper would handle this situation. My sister is the polar opposite of Leah in nearly every way. Alice has no problem telling everyone exactly how she's feeling and what she's thinking, whether they're interested in knowing or not. She's always upbeat, and optimistic, no matter the situation.

In fact, the only time I've seen her in a bad mood is when she's scolding me about something I've supposedly done wrong, or when she's having her 'girl time' which is Alice code for PMS. That thought stops me, and I look at Leah again. My mind takes each piece of the puzzle and begins to make sense of it.

"Oh!" I blurt out, and mentally scramble put together a plan. "I'll be back."

I stride toward the door, a plan of action in place, and glance at her. She looks confused and immediately remember her last words to me.

_You're not going to get any sex, so you might as well leave._

I quickly jog back to her, lean over and place a kiss on her forehead as she frowns at me.

"Twenty minutes," I try to sound reassuring, pulling open the door and walking out before she can say anything.

* * *

Edward has been gone for close to a nearly half hour, and I'm sure that he guessed that I'm surfing the crimson wave. I should have known that Edward would run for the hills. Men, they can't handle this kind of crap.

I turn my eyes from the TV; I've been staring past it since he left. My cup of tea is probably cold, and I have no energy to make food. I think there might be a stale croissant or maybe some leftover chicken in the kitchen. Both those options would require me moving, and any movement that takes me out of my fetal position that is just bad news.

I slide onto my side, and stare at the side of my cup. It has a kitten with a mohawk and a spiked collar. The words: Hardcore Pussy, are spelled out in crooked pink letters. Rose gave me this mug for me last Christmas, right after she broke up with Jake.

" _Let me get this straight," I groan into my phone, and pull my truck over to the side of the road. "You want me to talk to your ex-girlfriend?" Jake is odd, but this is beyond bizarre._

" _Leah," Jake sighs, and I fight the urge to hang up on him. "You are Rose's ONLY friend. Don't worry about what went down with she and I. Right now, she needs a friend."_

" _What did you do?" I ask, wondering how the hell my dipshit manwhore of a cousin could crack the shell of a hardcore bitch like Rose._

_She is one of the toughest women that I've ever met, and I was sure she was going to break Jake like a twig. I'm not surprised that they're breaking up after only dating for a few weeks, but Jake calling me up and insisting that I meet up with Rose 'to talk' is just fucking strange. I mean, sure, Rose and I get along fine, but it didn't make us best friends._

" _It's...complicated," he sighs._

_There is something odd in the tone of his voice. If I didn't know better, I'd say he has been crying, but that doesn't make sense. Quileute men don't cry, they just don't._

" _Okay," I sigh, hoping that I haven't just stepped into some crazy drama._

_When I finally get to the tiny coffee shop in Ravenna, and see the puffy tear-stained condition that Rose is in, I am ready to kill Jacob._

" _Hey," I say, sitting down next to her, wishing that I could cheer her up._

" _Hi," Rose replies, with a stiff nod._

" _So, how badly do I need to hurt him?" I ask, as I slide my arm around her shoulder, and am startled when she flinches away. "Rose?"_

" _It's not his fault," she sniffs, shaking her head. "I'm just too fucked up to be with anyone."_

" _I don't believe that," I insist, gently touch her chin, and make her turn to look at me._

" _Do you ever feel like you're too broken to be fixed?" Rose stares at me with crystal blue eyes that are overflowing with pain and fresh tears, and I don't even hesitate as I answer._

" _Every day."_

"Leah!" Edward yells through the door; it shakes as he bangs on it.

I'm off the couch and stumble toward the door. After a short struggle with the lock, I finally get it open, and Edward walks in carrying several plastic bags.

"I'm sorry I took so long," he pants, as he heads toward the kitchen. "The store was really crowded, and the restaurant took longer than I'd planned."

"Where did you go?" I ask, quickly closing the door, struggling to jog after him.

Edward's covers my counter with overstuffed grocery bags, and is carefully opening one that has bright red letters on the side that says: "What the Phó?"

"I hope you like Vietnamese food," he says, pulling out two plastic containers, and setting them on the counter.

"You are an angel!" I gasp, hurrying over to lean on his shoulder, and try to catch a whiff of the soup.

Edward turns around, and looks at me. I stare at him, wondering why he's giving me that stupid smirk.

"What?" I ask, squinting at him, and he leans in to kiss the tip of my nose.

"You never cease to surprise me," he laughs, and turns back to the soup containers.

"You never cease to annoy me," I grumble, and turn to the other bags on the counter.

I start to unpack the first bag and see a theme. Eclairs, cookies, a box of chocolate cupcakes, a half gallon of ice cream and a box of Sees chocolates. I move to the next bag, to find a bottle of ibuprofen, a bottle of Midol, a box of disposable stick-on heating pads.

It is like he's following some ridiculous _Menstruation for Dummies_ book. I move to the last bag, wondering what he could have possibly thought that I needed, when I pull open the bag. There are two DVDs, but I don't bother to check the movie titles as I pull them out and set them on the counter. I'm too busy gawking at the remaining contents of the bag.

Edward Cullen has bought not one, not two, but _four_ different kinds of tampons and a box of Super Plus pads for me.

"Edward," my voice is shaky, as I speak, not wanting to turn to face him.

"Yes," he replies in that same calm voice he used earlier. "Oh, yeah. I thought that I should get some, just so you don't run out. I wasn't sure which kind to get; that aisle is very overwhelming. Those things have more options than cars!"

I pick up the bag and walk out of the room as he continues to ramble about feminine hygiene products. I could have gone my whole life without ever hearing Edward Cullen compare wings on a pad to a roll-cage on a racing car.

I walk into my bathroom, open the cabinet under the sink and toss the bag inside. I take a moment to splash some water on my face, and collect myself before I return to the kitchen. I wish the urge to cry would subside so I could gather enough strength to beat Edward to death.

"Where did you go?" Edward asks, as I walk back into the kitchen.

"Changing of the guard," I reply, waiting the half-second it takes for him to get my meaning.

"Right," he mumbles, flushing an impressive shade of pink as he focuses on portioning out the steaming hot soup into two large bowls that I usual use for popcorn or salad.

_About time you were embarrassed too, Fucker!_

"I'll put the ice cream away before it melts," I say, grabbing the container of mocha almond fudge and cram it into my already packed freezer from Edward's last shopping spree.

Edward pulls out two spoons, and I take a moment to lean against the refrigerator to watch him fold paper towels into little napkins.

"I didn't know you did origami. I want mine in the shape of a turtle," I say, with a smirk.

"Go sit on the couch," he laughs softly. "I'll bring it in when I'm done."

"I'm not crippled," I grumble, shoving him aside and grab my bowl.

I yelp as the heat sears my palms, and quickly put it back down.

"No, but you will be if you try that again," he sighs, pushing me out of the kitchen.

I'm too busy sucking on my injured fingers to make a smartass remark. I give up arguing with him, and shuffle back toward the living room, feeling like a pouting child. I drop down on the couch, pulling Gran's quilt over my lap and try to not think about what all this means.

"Here we go," Edward says, gliding into the room and sets both bowls on the coffee table.

He looks like a '50s housewife wearing two huge oven mitts on his hands, and a wide, expectant smile.

"Smells great," I tell him, wondering if I've fallen into some kind of Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole where Edward is Donna Reed.

"I would tell you to be careful, but I think you've learned that lesson," he says, with his usual Edwardly arrogance, and suddenly we are back to normal.

"Fuck off!" I snap, but he just ignores me.

"Be right back with drinks," he sounds downright chipper as he walks back to the kitchen.

I lean over the steaming bowl, inhaling the rich, meaty aroma, and almost give in to the urge to thank him. My own reflection stares back at me, frowning at my situation. How did it get this far? Everything seemed simple when Edward and I were just fucking each other's brains out.

Edward walks back into the room with napkins, utensils, and two bottles of beer hanging from his fingers. He sits down next to me, setting out the spoons, chopsticks and napkins next to our bowls. He smiles as he hands me a beer. I take it, and glance at the label.

"Singha?" I ask, staring at the foreign language.

"It's Thai. Go on, I promise you'll like it." He takes a swig of his own beer as if to prove to me that it's not poisonous.

I relent and take a sip of the beer. It's cool and crisp, sliding down my throat with a smooth, refreshing ease. I like it, and am immediately get annoyed that he's right. I glance over at him, and notice he's smiling at me.

"What?" I snap, and then feel petty for being so bitchy.

_I hate my hormones._

He just shakes his head with a wide grin on his face. I want to throw my beer at him and scream, but I just sit there, scowling as he leans in to kiss my lips. My stress, pain, and anger fade away as he slides his hand around my neck to pull me closer. His tongue slides into my mouth and I moan softly, wishing that I could just stay like this forever. Edward pulls back, and I hear myself groan in disappointment.

_Way to keep your dignity, Clearwater._

I ignore the smug look on his face, and turn to my soup. I take my first taste and immediately moan with pleasure.

"I take it that you like Phó?" He laughs.

I just nod, suppressing the rage that his smile is stirring up in me. I hate this roller coaster. One minute I want to cry, the next I want to tear his face off, and then I'm acting like a horny idiot. It's bad enough that my period is a week early (not that you could ever set a clock by it) but it seems that much crueler that I have to deal with it when all this…stuff is going on with Edward.

I feel a light touch on my chin, and realize that Edward's pressing his napkin to my face. What, am I a drooling child now? I'm about to snap at him when I realize that I've Hoovered half of my bowl of soup. I guess I was hungry. I take the paper towel from him and wonder if he thinks I'm a bloated cow. I continue to wipe my mouth as I stare down at my body. My boobs are drooping against my chest, and the combination of soup and menstrual bloating is making my stomach pooch out over the waistband of my pants. Not to mention that light color of my sweat pants does nothing to disguise the girth of my muscular "man thighs," as Jake likes to call them.

"I'm done," I mumble and tug at my quilt.

"What's wrong?" Edward asks, as he lifts his ass so I can pull my quilt over me, and tuck it under my chin.

"I'm just tired," I lie, and lean my cheek against the back of the couch.

Drugs, I need heavy drugs to stave off the waves of tears that are threatening to overflow any minute. I stare at the pale stripe of skin that's peaking out from where the bottom of his t-shirt has lifted above the top of his jeans, and left his skin exposed. His skin looks soft and vulnerable, like the exposed belly of a kitten.

_Wait, kitten's belly? What the fuck is wrong with me?_

"Do you want to watch a movie?" He asks, his lips tightening into a frown of concern.

The sight of him is heartbreaking. His bright green eyes are catching the light from my cheap table lamp, and the normally stark features of his face seem to have softened. Once again, I beat down the urge to cry, as I turn my face into the rough upholstery of the couch and shrug.

"Sure," I mumble, wishing that he would leave before I humiliate myself.

Silence engulfs us for several minutes, and I wonder if he's finally caught up to how fucking awkward this situation has become. I wonder if he's going to leave, and I wish that thought didn't make me want to cry more. I feel him lean over me, and I turn to protest whatever he's about to do as his arms slide underneath my ass.

"Wha - Hey!" I yelp, jerking as he lifts me off the couch.

_Holy shit! When did Edward get this strong?_

"Relax," he says, a look of concentration on his face, and I unwillingly wrap my arms around his neck.

He walks me into the bedroom and sets me down on my bed. I don't have the energy to fight him as he pulls the blankets over me, and tucks me in. I know that he's going to leave. He leans down and kisses my forehead.

"Be right back," he says, turning to walk back out of the room.

I pull the covers up to my nose, and do my best to not think about how much I wish he would stay. There's a strange shuffling sound coming from the other room, followed by a muffled grunt. A few seconds later, Edward marches back into my room carrying my television.

"Edward!" I blurt out, my tears and self-pity forgotten as I pull the blankets back.

"Stay there, I've got it," I grunts, setting the television on my dresser, and plugging it in. "Just need to grab the remotes and DVD player."

He disappears through my door, and I wonder if he's gone insane. A minute later he's back with the player in one hand, the remotes in the other, and a movie tucked under his arm. I tilt my head to try to read what the movie is, but he sets it done on the dresser before I can see it. I lay back down on my side, watching him connect the DVD player to the TV. I trace the stupid swirly design on the back pockets of his jeans with my eyes, as he leans over to turn everything on. I mentally kick myself for staring at his ass. He starts to unwrap the movie, opens the case and puts it in the player, and tosses the remotes on the bed beside me.

"I'm going to go clean up," he starts to walk back toward door.

"Stop," I say, sitting up.

"It'll just take a second," he tries to argue, but I shake my head.

"This is more than enough," I try to stay calm as I continue. "Thank you, but you don't have to do anything more. In fact, I am asking you to do anything more."

"Leah," he sighs, but slumps his shoulders in what I think is defeat. "Okay, just get back in bed."

"Fine," I grumble and slide back under the covers.

He looks satisfied as he reaches out to turn off the overhead light. I lean back, waiting for him to say good night, but he starts to pull off his t-shirt. I watch as he gets undressed, and carefully folds all his clothes before laying them on the top of my book shelf.

He is wearing a pair of boxer shorts with a Dr. Seuss' Star-bellied Sneech dead center over the crotch. I resist the urge to snort at how silly it looks on him.

"Move over," he says, in an exaggerated grumble, crawling across the bed to slide under the blankets behind me.

I turn my back to him so he can't see that I'm smiling as he snuggles up to my back. Prince appears on the screen of my television, I remember that Edward put in a movie.

"Purple Rain?" I exclaim with a snort, and cover my mouth immediately.

_I can't believe I just snorted like a pig in front of him._

"Do you not like this movie? I can get the other one," he says, shifting away, and I grab at his arm.

"No, I like it…" I sigh, and shrug. "I'm just surprised that you like it."

"You shouldn't be. Prince is a great musician," he whispers, sliding his arm around my waist and pulling my back against his body. "Now, shut up and watch."

As the urge to tell him to fuck off wars with the urge to throw him on his back and fuck him stupid, I relax into his body.

* * *

I walk through the doorway and immediately smell the enticing aromas of Esme's cooking.

"Mom? Dad?" I call out, pressing my hand to the smooth wood of the doorframe, and try to see inside the dimly lit entry way. My footsteps echo around me, making me shiver, although I'm not cold.

_Edward._

I turn around, sure that I heard someone speak, but all I see is the den. It's empty except for Chewie. He's sitting on the floor, staring at me, his head tilted to the side.

"Where is everyone?" I ask, and immediately feel like an ass for talking to a dog.

The dog pants, his tongue sliding from the corner of his open mouth, and it almost looks like he's smiling at me. I'm struck with the odd, yet friendly gesture, and start to walk toward him.

_Edward._

I freeze, and the dog stiffens, as if he senses my fear and confusion. I'm sure that I heard someone call me this time. He starts to growl low in his throat, and I begin to back away from him.

_EDWARD!_

I jump, and Chewie yips loudly, running past me and up the stairs. Goose bumps prickle my skin as I slowly walk into the den, and see movement out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head and see something on the dining room table, but I can't focus enough to see it clearly.

I cautiously approach the dinning table. The table is set for dinner, and most of the surface is taken up by a huge centerpiece. As I wonder if I'm late for Thanksgiving, the centerpiece moves.

I jump back, and stare as it shifts and turns. Golden brown skin flexes, and long legs stretch out, kicking over empty wine glasses. A head lifts up, and ebony hair fall down over the shining white china plates, and draws my attention to a face.

"LEAH!" I scream and rush forward.

Her mouth is gagged by a brightly colored cloth that is tied around her head. Her hands and ankles are bound in a similar fashion. Her eyes are wide with fear, and her cheeks are streaked with tears.

"My fucking god!" I growl, as fear and anger swirl inside me. I gently cradle the back of her head as I grab a carving knife from the table and carefully slide it under the gag. I carefully cut away the fabric, my mind swirling with images of using this knife on whoever did this to her.

"Edward!" Her voice sounds raw and desperate, as the gag falls away.

"I'm sorry." My voice cracks, as I slide my hand over her cheek.

"It's okay," she whispers, but as I pull my hand away I see it's covered in blood.

Somehow, I know that I am to blame for this; I am cause of her injury, and I want with all my soul to take it back.

"It's all my fault," I choke out, tears stinging my eyes as I turn from my bloody hand to look into her beautiful eyes.

"Shh," she says, pulling me onto the table and pressing her lips against mine, but all I can see is the dark smear of blood on her cheek.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," I plead, breaking the kiss

"I know," she just smiles, and kisses me again.

Dishes crash to the floor as we slide across the smooth surface of the table. Our bodies shift and press together, causing a rush of pleasure to shoots through me.

"What are you doing?" I choke, trying to focus, but another shock of pleasure surges through me, making my head slam back against the table as I gasp for air.

"Leah," I moan, and open my eyes.

I'm surrounded by darkness, with the exception of the bright red numbers on Leah's alarm clock reading _05:00._

Warm, wet heat moves over me, and another wave of pleasure slams into me.

"OH GOD!" I groan, looking down the length of my body to see a curtain of black hair spread over my waist.

I reach out to touch her hair. It slides through my fingers like threads of black silk. Her body shifts, as her mouth continues to move over me with a painfully slow pressure that is makes my jaw clench. Dark eyes look up at me as she rises up, her tight lips holding on to the tip of my dick.

"Leah," I gasp, feeling the light pressure of her teeth on the tender skin

My fists twist in her bed sheets, while my heels dig into the mattress. My whole body is tense and aches with the need to lift my hips up toward her mouth. Leah smiles around me, her teeth shining in the darkness, and I growl at the electrifying sight.

She winks, her lips sliding back over me, and she starts to move again. I shudder as she covers me with her tight, hot mouth. She shifts, tilting her head and lifting her shoulders, and somehow takes me deeper than ever before. She stops once her lips press against my pelvis.

I can't breathe or move. I'm so tense that my legs and back are actually starting to cramp with pain. Leah doesn't move, she just stays as she is for a second, wrapped around me, holding me. When I think I'm going to pass out from holding my breath, I feel pressure start to close around the head of my dick, and I'm confused. As the pressure increases, her tongue slides along the base of my dick, and I realize that I'm inside her throat.

I come so hard, I can't even catch my breath to scream. My hips thrust of their own volition, and Leah continues to move over me, making me spasm with pleasure all over again. The buzz of her laughter vibrates around my dick, and I nearly cry.

"Stop!" I push her off, and she's still laughing as she wipes her mouth.

"That's what you get for waking me up before my alarm," she says, crawling over me, her hair sliding over my face.

"I'll make sure to do it more often," I laugh, and pull her down to kiss me.


	11. Spit in the Eyes of Fools

"Finally," I groan into my headset, and lean back in my seat. "I've been trying to return your calls since Sunday. I thought you were either pissed at me or had finally run off with some hillbilly."

I'm stuck in a long line of cars waiting to merge onto I-5. I hate Seattle traffic.

"Yeah, I was close with the way you've been giving me the cold shoulder," she sighs, making me cringe with guilt.

"Sorry, babe," I sigh, and ease the truck forward a few feet, only to stop again. "Things have been kind of...hectic, lately."

"I'm just giving you shit," Bella laughs, and I frown. She sounds strangely bubbly for this early in the morning.

"Is everything going okay with you?" I ask, and check my mirror.

"Dear Baby Jesus, yes!" She does this strange combination of a giggle and snort that makes me immediately wonder if she's finally lost her mind. "I'm here with my cousin Michele, and she is fucking great. The greatest of great that ever greated a great, in fact. We've been watching her old tapes of _Queer as Folk_ , and talking about how Justin is bitch. You know how much I hate Justin."

I gape at Bella's insane rambling, as she continues to giggle through the phone like a twelve year old. Bella is weird, sure, but not usually this weird. Suddenly the strangest idea pops in my head, and I smile, because the more I consider it, the more it makes sense

"Bells, are you high?" I snort myself, tickled at the notion.

"As a kite, my love," she croons, and it's my turn to start laughing hysterically.

Bella is a lightweight on alcohol, and I've never been able to get the 'cop's daughter' to try anything harder than a fucking margarita. Uncle Charlie would shit a brick house if he knew his little girl was smoking the reefer.

"I know, this is so not me," she sputters, and continues to giggle. "I've just been so fucking bored, until Michele snuck me off to her place. Leah, you would love her. We were up half the night talking about everything. Then she woke me up this morning with pancakes and coffee. And we did this thing...is it woke and toke?"

"Wake and bake," I laugh even harder.

"Yes! It was great," she snorts again, then I hear a strange thud.

"Bella?" I yell, and hear muffled laughter. I pick up my phone to make sure it's still connected. "BELLA!"

"Leah? Shit!" Bella sounds out of breath, as she continues to laugh.

"Did you drop me in your boobs again?" I ask, jumping a little as one of the cars behind me honks and I struggle to shift the truck into gear.

"No, I dropped you in my coffee," she's still chuckling, but there's a loud buzzing sound breaking through the connection.

"Bella!" I yell, as the interference increase in volume, and I have to tear my headset out of my ear. "SHIT!"

* * *

I sit in my overstuffed armchair and I watch Jasper pick through my record collection. The late afternoon light is streaming through the tiny windows, but it's not providing much light in the dark basement. I lean forward and yank the cord of the standing lamp standing next to my chair. Light floods the room, and Jasper looks at me over shoulder.

"Thanks," he says with a smile, and I just nod.

He goes back to browsing through my late 70s punk rock section, brushing his fingertips over the slightly cracked spines of the album covers with an air of reverence. He passes the Ramones, New York Dolls, and Television as he moves from the New York section to the UK bands. London SS, Sex Pistols, and Siouxie and the Banshees complete the shelf. Below it is the California section with The Germs, The Subhumans, and The Cramps.

I've wondered if I should rearrange my collection by artist, but I don't see the music that way. For me it's not about the artists, it's about how their music affected the world and culture around them. When, I explained my system to Jasper, he just shook his head, and said that it was "damn shame" that I was wasting my talent by working behind a desk.

Jasper reaches into my UK Glam Rock section and pulls out my original press import of _The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars_. I smile as he carefully slides it from its sleeve. He is always exceedingly careful with my collection, very respectful. The last time that I let Alice borrow one of my records, she used my first copy of the Beatles White album as a stencil and left a deep scratch across the whole record. Now, I just sneak onto her computer and add music to her iTunes library for her to find later. Thankfully, Emmett isn't much of a music fan, aside from his love of R &B and rap.

"I should be getting some more studio time soon," Jasper says, turning to look at me. "Are you interested?"

Jasper has been trying to get me to play piano again, telling me that that he needs me to play on a track for his demo. It's a lie, no matter how good his intentions are. Jasper is a far better musician than I am, and while I'm flattered, I am too long out of practice. Besides, I can only play for short stints before my hand starts to ache.

"I'll let you know," I say, as my phone buzzes in my pocket.

"Cool," Jasper replies, sliding the record back into its sleeve, and gently placing it back on the shelf.

I glance at my phone, as he starts to browse through my 90s post-punk section.

**I feel like warmed over shit. Please shoot me.**

I smirk as I type my response.

**That would be too easy. I want you to suffer.**

"You got any Waits on vinyl?" Jasper asks.

"Two shelves to the left, and four shelves down," I reply, without glance up. My phone is already buzzing again.

**Bastard!**

"Do you mind if I borrow _Nighthawks at the Diner_?" Jasper asks, as he pulls the album off the shelf. "I love _Warm Beer and Cold Women_."

"Sure. There are two copies," I reply, typing my response to Leah. "Take the one with the black inner sleeve, it's an import. It has a hidden track of him doing some beat poetry."

**You don't know how right you are. Do you want Pho?**

"So," Jasper's voice sounds different, and I look up to see him staring at me. "You and Leah."

"What about Leah and me?" I give him my best poker face, as my phone buzzes in my hand.

I put it back in my pocket as I stare at Jasper.

"You're not seriously going to try that on me, are you?" Jasper smiles at me, looking deeply amused.

He walks over and sits down in one of my beat-up leather armchairs. The only way to truly enjoy music is if you're completely relaxed. I wonder if I could get Leah down here. I'm suddenly distracted by the mental image of sitting in one of these chairs as Leah slowly fucks me, while we listen to Leonard Cohen or Nick Cave.

"I really don't know what you're talking about," I sigh, easing back into my own chair, and setting my ankle on my knee. I should have made myself something to drink. I can lie better when I'm drinking, but I wanted to stay sober so I could drive to Leah's place later.

"Edward, I went by the stadium yesterday," he is still smiling, and I know that he doesn't just have a suspicion, he _knows_. "I saw you two together."

"So what do we do now?" I ask, as my phone buzzes again. I exhale, and force my hands to relax.

"That depends on you," he says, tilting his head to the side. "Do you really think you're ready for this?"

"Ready for what?" I try to keep my voice calm.

"A relationship," he replies.

"This is nothing like..." My voice dies in my throat, as I comb my fingers through my hair.

"Tanya?" Jasper finishes my thought, his eyebrows drawing together in a look of concern.

It's been three years, but I still grit my teeth at the mention of her name.

" _How long does it take?" I ask, lifting myself up to sit on the edge of the bathroom counter._

" _The box says five minutes," Tanya's voice is calm, but I can tell that she is just as nervous as I am._

_I glance at my watch, and count in my head._

" _Three minutes," I mumble, and try to gather my courage to do what I know is the right thing._

_Tanya breathes out in a long exhale and I glance at her face. Her golden hair falls along her cheek in a tight ringlets, making her pale peach skin look warm and soft. Her eyes are closed, as she hunching over the pregnancy test clutched in her delicate hands. We've been together since my freshman year of college, and I've never doubted that we would be together forever. Tanya is everything that I've ever wanted in a girlfriend and wife. So, why am I so nervous?_

" _Well?" I sigh, sliding off the counter._

_Everything seems to slow down and I turn to kneel in front of her. It's important that I ask before we know the results. I know that it will be positive. Carlisle and Esme were our ages when they had Emmett and if they could make it through med school with a child, so can we. I've already put the down payment on the house. Tanya doesn't know, she thinks we're still renting, but I wanted us to have a home, not just an apartment. Now, we have a good home where we can raise a family._

" _What are you doing?" Tanya asks, looking frightened, but I tell myself that's she's just surprised._

" _Tanya Marie Lacey, will you marry me?" I ask, taking hold of her wrist, and looking up into her deep blue eyes._

" _No!" her voice seems so loud as it echoes off the walls of the small bathroom._

" _You said that you love me," I plead with her, tightening my hold on her wrist, but it's too late._

" _Let go of me," her voice is little more than a whisper._

_I release her and stand, because I don't know what else to do. Silence stretches out between us as I lean against the towel rack and she sits on the toilet, hiding behind her golden hair._

" _I'm twenty years old. I'm in school. I am not ready to be a mother," Tanya mumbles, shaking her head._

" _Where does that leave me?" My voice is little more than a whisper as I walk toward the counter._

" _Edward," she groans, and I hear the hollow sound of the plastic hitting the counter top next to me. "This was never going to be long term. I've got, what, a year more at UW, then I am leaving for grad school. What are you going to do, follow me? You love your family too much to leave Washington."_

_I want to argue with her, tell her that I would leave, because when you love someone that's what you do, but as I look at myself in the mirror, I know that it's a lie. I would never leave Esme and Carlisle. They're my family, and I can't even entertain the thought of not having them within driving distance._

_I started dating Tanya because she is beautiful, intelligent, and from a good family. She is talented, driven, and so much like me. Even Esme said that she was the perfect girl for me. The only problem is that she doesn't love me, and I can't love her, not anymore. Not after this._

" _Good news," she says, and runs her hand over my back. "It's negative."_

" _Get out of this house," I hiss, jerking away from her touch. "NOW!"_

" _Edward," she starts to speak, but I catch her eyes in the mirror, and whatever she sees makes her gasp and leave the bathroom in a matter of seconds._

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" I snap at him, and immediately regret it when I see his face darken with disapproval.

"Mind your tone," Jasper replies, in his smooth Texan accent.

"I'm sorry," I sigh, and regain my control. "Jasper, it's just sex, nothing serious." I try to sound casual, even though the muscles in my neck are in knots.

He has always been a supportive and encouraging when it comes to my sexual exploits with women. I hope that if I reassure him that this is no different than any of my casual affairs, he will drop the subject.

"No, Edward, this is your brother's ex-girlfriend," he speaks in a calm voice, but I'm not fooled. I know that he's angry.

Jasper has an air about him that most people don't notice. He can set you at ease with just the right words or he can make your feel like an ass with just the right look. He's giving me that look, right now.

"Are you going to tell him?" I ask, panic seizing me at the thought of Emmett finding out.

Until now, it never even occurred to me that what I have been doing could ever reach my family. This thing with Leah seems separate from the rest of my life. It's like we exist outside the rest of the world, that's part of what I like about it.

"Are you?" He stares me down, the muscles in his neck flexing. I can feel his disapproval like a weight on my chest.

"No," I answer, keeping my voice steady. "This has nothing to do with him, or you."

"No, it has to do with Leah," he sighs, and a sigh from Jasper is like a punch in the gut. He stands up, abandoning the record on the arm of the chair, and walks away.

"Jasper," I call after him, and stand up.

He stops at the base of the stairs, but doesn't look up.

"Don't fuck this up, Edward," he speaks in a quiet, threatening tone that I've only ever heard him use in bars, right before he knocks a drunk guy out for touching Alice. He raises his eyes to meet mine. The look in his eyes cuts me like a knife in my chest, and I have to look away.

I stare at the floor until I finally hear the front door slam. I drop back into my chair with a heavy sigh and pull out my phone to check the messages.

**I'll let you come over if you bring me Pho.**

Her humor eases some of my tension from my strange conversation with Jasper. I open the next message.

**Will you be naked too?**

I laugh, and type my reply.

**Only if you are. See you soon.**

* * *

I slam the door of my Jeep and rest my forehead on the steering wheel. That was close; _too_ close. I haven't been that close to losing my temper in a good couple of months, and I don't think I've ever been that close to losing it with a friend.

_Edward, you are a first class fool._

I jam my key into the ignition and start the engine. I need to get away from here, before Edward feels compelled to chase after me and explain in greater detail how he is using one of my closest friends like a cheap whore.

_It's just sex._

I can still hear the tone in his voice as he said it, and my hands start to grip the steering wheel too tightly I jam the Jeep into gear and peel out of the driveway. I jerk to a stop, shift into first and take off, hoping that the speed will ease my tension, and the urge to do a very dear friend great bodily harm.

I knew this was coming; I'd seen hints of it for longer than I care to remember, but I was sure that neither one of them would be crazy enough to actually act on the infatuation.

" _Romance and love," Leah makes a very unladylike snorting sound, as she punches my arm. "It's all just smoke and mirrors."_

" _I am well aware of how dearly you cling to this ironclad persona of yours," I reply, pausing to take a sip of my drink. "However, I have seen your movie and music collection. You and I both know that you're not nearly the cynic that you would like everyone to believe that you are."_

_She gives me a sidelong glance as she gulps down the last of her beer and lets out a teeth-rattling belch._

" _I will concede...slightly," she says, with a nod. "I do believe in all of the bullshit, but it's not for me. I'm just not that kind of girl, Jaz." She shrugs, her armor still firmly in place._

_I sigh heavily as I slide an arm around her shoulders, wishing that I could do something to change her warped self-image._

" _I can't wait to see you proven wrong," I whisper, placing a kiss on her forehead._

" _Quit pawing at me," she giggles, and gently pulls free of me, her caramel skin darkening._

" _Why Miss Clearwater, are you blushing?" I try my best to sound like my uncle Beaureguard, even adding his trademark wink._

" _Fuck you!" Leah snorts and laughs. "Where the fuck is Alice?"_

_I glance up and spot Alice at the bar with Edward._

" _I hear you got Rose's old television," I say, trying to distract Leah, and she rolls her eyes._

" _Yeah," she groans, and shakes her head," Emmett had to duct tape the frame, but it seems to work fine. No thanks to you two."_

_Emmett told her that he and I accidentally broke the television while wrestling. The truth is that he and Rose bought Leah a new television for her birthday. Then Emmett carefully cracked the frame with a hammer to make it looked damaged. While I'm not too comfortable with lying to a friend, Leah is one area where I make an exception._

_After putting up with the excessive indulgence of the Cullens' gift giving for the two years that she dated Emmett, this year Leah put her foot down and insisted on no gifts for her birthday. Alice negotiated with her for weeks, but got nowhere. So, my little mastermind threw Leah a surprise birthday party instead._

" _I assure you, I only acted in my own defense," I chuckle, holding up my hands._

" _Right, you're far from innocent," she laughs, gives me a frown. "I should kick your ass for not warning me about this."_

" _You know I love you, Leah, but I love my unmentionables far more," I laugh, and notice Alice is walking back to the table holding three pint glasses in her tiny hands._

_I immediately jump up from the table to help her, and Leah rises up as well._

" _Help Edward," she remarks, shaking her head, and continues to carefully walk toward the table._

_Edward is right behind her, carrying a tray with Red Bulls, pint glasses, and several overflowing shot glass._

" _Can I help?" I ask, and he gives me a grateful smile._

" _Could you grab my beer from the bar?" Edward asks, with an appreciative smile._

_I walk over to the bar, and grab his pint glass just as the bartender turns around to smile._

" _Cullen party?" he asks, and I nod. "Could you give this to Mr. Cullen?"_

_I take the slip of paper from his hand as I grab Edward's beer, and head back to the table._

" _I am going get diabetes from this shit!" Leah groans, while Alice sets up the shots._

" _I think your liver will give out before then," Edward quips, grinning at her annoyed expression._

" _What's the cause of the dust up, people?" I ask, setting down Edward's beer and lean on his shoulder._

" _Jäger booms?" Leah grimaces and turns to point at the offending drinks that Alice carefully sets up._

_I seize the moment to slide the credit card receipt into Edward's hand, and he tucks it into his pocket without missing a beat. Alice said that he insisted on paying the tab for the party, as his part of his contribution toward Leah's birthday, and after I urged her to accept his offer. He knows that we really can't afford to pay for the party, since we're trying to save for a house. I love my girl, but she's got little to no money sense._

" _I voted for Blow Jobs," Edward remarks, giving me a wink, and I can't resist chuckling._

" _Only you would drink candy-ass shots like a Blow Job, Sullen Cullen," Leah sneers, as Alice walks over to wedge herself in between them._

" _I just figured that a cocksucker like you would..." Edward starts to reply, but Alice quickly interrupts him._

" _Can we call truce long enough to get drunk, PLEASE!" Alice screams as she waves her arm._

_Edward and Leah are staring at each other over the top of Alice's spiky hair. Despite their looks of anger and annoyance, I can see something underneath it all. Edward's mouth is turned up in one corner, and Leah's eyes are glittering. I study them closer and realize that they are enjoying themselves, even if they don't realize it._

I saw those same looks on their faces as they walked to Qwest Field. I haven't seen either one of them that content a long time. I pull the Jeep over to the side of the road, and put it into neutral. I take a deep breath, and pull out my cell phone. I scroll through my contacts list, and stop when I see Leah's number.

Leah is as sharp as they come; I know that Edward wouldn't be in her bed if she didn't want him there, and Edward isn't as callous as he pretends to be. I can clearly remember the look of fear that crossed his features when I called him out.

I sigh, setting my phone down, and lean across the seat to pop open the glove box. The little travel journal that Alice bought for me a couple of months ago is there, along with a pen, and I grab them. I flip it open and start to scribble lyrics onto the paper. This is good, it's what I need to calm down and get what Alice calls 'perspective.' I focus on the words and music in my mind. Right now, it's all I that I can do.

I have to trust that Edward will listen to me, and that Leah will let down her armor a little more. Maybe he is just the person to show her that she is the kind of girl who deserves to be loved.


	12. A Question Wrongly Asked

_Bathrooms. What in the hell is it about bathrooms?_

"Rose," I call to her through the thin wood door. I can hear her muffled sobs, and the sound of something crashing onto the floor. "Are you okay?"

"Yes!" Her voice sounds raw.

"Can I come in?" I press my forehead against the smooth surface of the door, and close my eyes as she gives me the answer that I expect.

"NO!" Rose shouts, and the unmistakable sound of glass smashing against the tile floor makes me grimace.

I try to breathe. How many times am I going to have to do this? Stand by helplessly and watch someone I love suffer in pain?

I remember when Edward went postal after his break up with Tanya. I was recovering from another useless surgery on a knee that was never going to work right. Edward and Tanya were late for dinner, so I called him at least a billion times. I finally checked in with Tanya's sister, Kate, to see if she had seen them. Tanya was there, and a complete mess. She and Ed had apparently broken up. I was so freaked that I didn't realize I'd forgotten my crutches at Mom and Dad's, until I arrived at Ed's place. I hopped up the steep stairs leading to his front porch. The door was still slightly ajar.

" _ED!" I called out to him, hopping my way from one piece of furniture to the other, and then down the hall. "Edward!"_

_When I finally reached the master bedroom, and I saw that the bathroom door was open. I hobbled over and pushed it only to find a warzone. The back lid of the toilet was sunk halfway into the wall. The medicine chest was in pieces in the bathtub. Broken shards of glass_ _lay scattered across every surface, including Edward. He sat on the floor, with his back to the sink. His knuckles were cracked and bloody, his right hand was swollen to the size of a baseball glove._

" _I broke it." His voice sounded so calm; too calm._

_I lean in the doorway, and pulled out my phone to call Dad._

" _Does it hurt much?" I asked the stupid question, because I hope it would distract him._

" _Not as much as I expected," Edward gazed absently at his swollen hand, and almost looked disappointed._

"Babe, please open the door," I call to Rose one more time, and wonder if I'm going to have to remodel her Dad's bathroom like I had to do with Ed's.

* * *

I groan as I shift to put my feet up on the couch. My belly is full of warm Phó and I wasn't at work; life couldn't get much better.

"Hard day?" Edward asks, as he takes my foot and slides the heel of his hand over the curve of my arch.

"Same as it ever was," I sigh, trying to relax as he presses into a sore spot just under my big toe.

"Did you do that on purpose?" He chuckles softly, looking at me with a smirk on his face.

"Do what?" I whimper, as he digs a knuckle into the notch just above my heel, and the urge to laugh makes me rise up on the couch. I hate being this ticklish.

"Looking like that for one thing," he growls, as his hand stills, and his face flushes. "Quoting one of my favorite songs is another."

"Hey, you're not the only one to suffering from a lack of sex," I grumble, and shift down on the couch, so I can brush the heel of my foot over his crotch.

_Holy Kielbasa sausage!_

"Jesus!" He makes the hottest pained expression as he grabs my ankle, pulling my foot away from the sizable bulge in his pants. "I told you that it doesn't bother me."

"Ick, it bothers me," I shudder, pulling back my feet, and rolling onto my side.

I didn't use to be big sissy when it comes to period sex, but that was a long time ago, and it was _different_. I push away the memories before they even begin to rise, as Edward runs his hand up my leg.

"Where are you?" His voice is little more than a whisper, and I can't stop myself from looking at him just as he leans over to props his chin on my hip.

He's giving me that look again, but this time it's not making me panic. It makes me feel...warm. I reach out and touch his cheek. It feels good to have him here, and it's not just because he brought me food. I feel better when he's here. Edward smiles at me, and I suddenly feel the urge to tell him.

"You-" I'm cut off by the sound of DMX's _Up in Here_ screaming out of my bag from the other side of the room. "SHIT!"

I jump up and run over to my messenger bag. After a few more seconds of digging I pull out my phone, and turn to sit against the front door as I press the talk button.

"Hello?" I yell into my phone.

* * *

"Hey baby!" Leah's whole face lights up as she answers the phone and I look away, rubbing my hand over my chin.

I don't think she realizes that she hit me when she jumped up, and I know that I have no right to feel slighted by the simple act of Leah answering her cell phone.

"Yes, my life has been an empty shell without you; now what the fuck do you want?" Leah snorts, sliding her legs up and resting her chin on her knees.

I busy myself with cleaning up our dishes, ignoring her bright laughter, as I walk to the kitchen. I carefully wash out the bowls and spoons, trying to not eavesdrop on her conversation. Her _private_ conversation, with someone else. Leah's voice sounds different - light, almost cheerful. I can't help but wonder who she's talking to, and I can't stop my mind from creating a list of people it could be.

It's been over a year and a half since Leah and Emmett broke up, but I don't think that she has seriously dated anyone since their break-up. She never brings anyone out to any group gatherings, but Emmett does tease her about her "active" sex life. Even Alice has commented on it. She often asks Leah about people whom I've never met, and Leah usually makes a dismissive gesture before changing the subject. It could be anyone.

The bowl shatters on the floor at my feet before I even realized that it slipped from my hand. I immediately kneel down to pick up the pieces, wondering where my head is, just as Leah appears in front of me.

"What happened?" She whispers, her hand over the receiver of her cell phone.

"Accident," I whisper sharply, and she rolls her eyes.

"Oh, nothing. I just turned down the TV so I could hear you better," she says, smiling again, and leans against the kitchen counter.

I feel a sharp sting, and realizes that my hand closed over the jagged pieces of the ceramic bowl, leaving little cuts in the palm of my hand. I let out a slow exhale, gathering the rest of the larger pieces of the bowl, and deposit them in the trashcan.

"How long has she been in there?" Her voice has changed. As I reach past her for the broom and dustpan, notice that she's standing stiffly, a look of dark concern on her face.

I continue to watch her as I quickly sweep up the rest of the broken shards of the bowl, and wonder what she could possibly be talking about.

"What happened, before she ran off? Did anyone say anything?" She is chewing on her thumbnail, and frowning as she stares at the floor.

I put away the broom and dustpan, grab a dishtowel and wrap it around my hand. I try to not distract her as I move up behind her.

"Son of a bitch!" Leah hisses, leaning back and bumping into my chest. "Not you, Emmett. This is not your fault."

_Emmett?_

Leah presses back into me, as I breathe out as relief and self deprecating amusement at my complete misinterpretation of the situation. She's trembling, and I instinctively wrap my arms around waist. She doesn't fight me, as she just sighs deeply. I feel silly as I press my forehead against her shoulder, and I feel her body relax into mine.

"I can't tell you what's going on, Em. That's up to Rose. I can try to talk to her, if you want. Tell her I'm on the phone and leave it on the floor in front of the door." Leah sniffs softly, and I wonder if she's crying.

"Thank you." She whispers to me, her fingers brushing against my hand.

I smile against her t-shirt as I grip her tightly. It feels good to be able to help her, especially knowing that she is helping Emmett, in some way. Leah sighs heavily, but doesn't say anything. I suddenly feel the urge to say something, but I don't want to give away my presence, and I'm not sure what I would say.

"Hey," Leah's demeanor changes again, as her tone softens. "Rose, honey, I'm here. Your dad should have never...No, you haven't ruined anything. Rose, calm down. "

Leah's hand curls into a fist as she speaks in a gentle tone. The contrast disturbs me, and I slide my hand over her fist pulling it to my mouth. I press my lips against the warm skin of her knuckles.

"Honey," she sighs, her face turning toward me, and her brown eyes fix on me. "Emmett loves you, and no matter what you do, he will always love you."

There's something in her eyes that I don't quite understand, it seems like pain, or maybe fear. The need to kiss her is so strong that I have to concentrate on holding myself back. I swallow hard, and touch her cheek with my fingers.

"I know because I'm not blind. I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. He would walk off the edge of the Earth for you, and you know it." Leah closes her eyes, and leans into my hand.

The dishtowel that's wrapped around my hand, brushes her cheek and she opens her eyes to look at it. Her face becomes stern as she looks at me. I smile at her obvious concern and shake my head, mouthing the words: _Just a scratch._ She continues to frown.

"You are not going to break his heart. You love him just as much as he loves you." Leah pulls my hand to her mouth, and places a breathy kiss on my palm.

I want her so much I have to force myself to breathe out slowly, and not to focus on how she's still running her smooth lips over my skin.

"You're going to put on your big girl pants and let him take care of you. You don't have to explain it to him tonight. Just let him be there for you." Leah's voice is strong, but she eyes are downcast, and her mouth is turned down at the corners.

The sight of her weakens my resolve to not disturb her. I pull my hand free to slide it around the back of her neck, drawing her close to press our foreheads together.

"Sounds good. Call me tomorrow. I love you, too." Leah pulls the phone away from her ear and I barely register it hitting the kitchen floor as her mouth covers mine.

I devour her mouth, ignoring the pain in my hand as I pull her even closer. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I grab her leg with my free hand. I lift her leg, angling my hips to press against her, and groan as her heat spreads over the front of my jeans. I swing us around, to pressing her back against the refrigerator, and increase the pressure between our bodies.

"I want to be inside you," I whisper against her mouth, knowing that I shouldn't push the matter, but I can't help myself.

"You know," she gasps, shifting beneath me to push back into me, and I have to close my eyes trying to control the wave of pleasure it sends through me. "I'm sure there's a way that we can work around...things."

"That is all I needed to hear," I laugh, and pull her down to the floor.

* * *

As the credits start to roll across my TV screen, I press the power button on the remote and toss it on the floor as the room is plunged into darkness. Edward's rhythmic breathing is the only thing I can hear. He passed out half way through the remake of one of my favorite movies, _Sabrina_. He bought it at the grocery store yesterday. He explained that Alice always likes to watch romantic stuff when she's on the rag. Actually, he said "girl time." Sounds like something that Alice would say.

I shift under the covers, trying to get comfortable, and he stirs.

"Where are you going?" He mumbles, and reaches out to grab onto my breast.

"Nowhere," I sigh, and awkwardly roll onto my side, trying to get comfortable as he holds my tit hostage. "Go back to sleep."

"Don't snap at me," Edward presses against my back, his fingers gently pinching my nipple, and he breathes against my ear. "You woke me up."

"Go to sleep!" I reply, prying his hand off my breast, and pulling it around my waist.

"Yes ma'am," he mumbles sleepily against my neck, and presses a soft kiss just below my ear.

* * *

"Edward," Regina greets me with her usually bright smile, and I try to match her enthusiasm. "I don't have you in my book."

"I just wanted to stop by for a quick check up," I say with a shrug, and try to look casual. "Is he in?"

"Yes, just let me page him," she chirps, giving me a wink, as she picks up the phone.

I walk to the far corner of the waiting area, giving all the patients polite smiles, as I wait for my father. I haven't been to his office in about two months. I used to be so nervous when I sat in this waiting room, but now it seems so normal, bland.

I stare out the window at the overcast sky, and I'm struck again by the reason as to why I'm here.

_You better not fuck this up, Edward._

Jasper's words and the look he gave me are still weighing heavily on me.

"Edward," Carlisle calls out my name, and I wait a moment to collect myself before I turn around to greet him.

"Dad," I say, smiling as I walk across the room and shake his extended hand.

"What can I do for you?" He says, once we're inside an examination room.

I take a seat in the plastic chair, trying to stay away from the table as I muster the courage to speak.

"I need to be screened," I say it quietly, avoiding his intense gaze. "For STDs."

"Oh," Carlisle's voice is calm and professional as he types something into the computer terminal. "I'll order up the standard list, I assume that should include HIV."

"Yes," I cough lightly, and shift in my seat. "Do we have to do the standard testing?"

In the past testing for sexually transmitted disease required a taking a sample from the inside of the urethra, using a large cotton swab. No matter how gently it is done, it still feels like they are shoving steel wool into tip of the penis.

"Oh, no," He laughs, and leans over to pant my leg reassuringly. "We just need urine and blood samples. You can stop by the lab, and Stacy will take care of you. We can even email you the results."

"Oh, no...I...Actually," I stumble over my words. "I was hoping to get the results before I leave. A print out of them, I mean."

Carlisle looks at me for a second, and I know that look, almost too well. I'm suddenly regretting my choice to come here. I've been in for testing before, and I know that Carlisle is aware that I'm sexually active, but we've never really talked about it.

"Dad I...it's just that..." I continue to stop and start, trying to figure out how to explain this situation without actually explaining the situation.

"You don't have to tell me why you need this, Edward," Carlisle chuckles as he walks over the small sink and begins to wash his hands, out of habit. "She's either very smart for asking for this or very special if you're doing this of your own volition."

Carlisle finishes rinsing his hands, pulls out some paper towels and rubs them along his hands. There was a time when the only thing that I ever wanted was to look like he does right now; distinguished, wise, and happy.

"Thank you, Dad," I try to sound confident as I stand up.

"I just hope that your mother and I will get to meet her before too long," he says with a wink, as he pulls open the door for me.

* * *

I'm starting to shutdown my computer when my phone starts to buzz. I glance around, but everyone's already left for the day. I quickly pull out my phone and open the text message.

**I need to see you.**

The tone of Edward's message makes me nervous, but I try to ignore the weird sinking feeling in my stomach and type in my reply.

**Sure. I'll be home in 1hr.**

My computer shuts down, and I'm putting on my jacket when my phone buzzes again.

**How about my place?**

I stare at my phone as the sick feeling in my stomach intensifies.

**Ok. What time?**

I send the message and head out of my office. I keep my phone in my hand and try to not think too much about why Edward wants me to come over to his place.

"Have a good one, Leah," Glen, the evening security guard, grunts at me as I push open the door.

"Night, Glen," I say with a wave and feel the phone vibrate in my hand. I stop just outside the door to check the message.

**Whenever. I'll be waiting.**

I close the message and stare at the ground, feeling nauseous and sweaty.

* * *

Edward pushes the envelope across the table.

"What is that?" I instinctively shrink away, and try to play it off by leaning back in my chair.

"I need you to do something for me, but I realize that I can't ask you to do that without offering something in return." His voice is calm, almost cold, and my stomach starts to curdle.

It's like I'm trapped in some crappy movie, where I'm Julia Roberts, and he's about to give me a pile of money to be his part time whore.

"Okay," I manage to say in a fairly casual tone.

"Open it," he says, tapping the envelope with his index finger.

"Okay," I'm repeating myself, because I'm stalling.

The last thing I want to do is open this envelope. Edward is looking at me with the strangest expression on his face, and I can feel the weight of that look. It's making it hard for me to breathe; in fact, it's giving me a headache.

"Fine!" I sigh, and pick it up.

It feels really light between my fingers as I slowly open it and peer inside. There's a single piece of paper inside. I carefully pull it out and unfold it on the smooth surface of the table. I stare at it for several minutes. It's like reading stereo instructions. I look at the top and see the name of a clinic; I think it's the one that Dr. Cullen runs. I look back down at the other part of the paper. I see words like STDs, Herpes, AIDS. I have no idea what to say.

"These are my results from my latest visit," he starts to explain, as he leans forward to touch the top of the paper. "I took them today. They are all there, and they are all negative."

He carefully runs his finger over the mumbo jumbo on the paper in front of me, and looks everywhere but at me. He's clean. I think that he has gone to great extents to prove that to me, but...why? I stare at him, but Edward won't meet my eyes. He's staring at his hands. Is he nervous?

"Ok. Um, do you want me to get tested too?" I ask, wondering if this is some kind of backhanded way to insinuate that I'm a dirty slut.

"No! I mean, yes... that would be good, too," he stumbles over his words, and I'm confused. Edward doesn't act like this...ever. He sighs, and finally speaks again. "I need to ask something of you."

Now I'm even more confused.

"You want me to do something else? Other than getting tested?" I say slowly, because I feel like I'm missing something. He nods his head and then slowly raises his eyes to meet mine.

"I can't share," he says it so quickly that it takes me a minute to really understand what he means.

I don't know what my face looks like, but he must be taking it to be something bad.

"I know it's probably a selfish thing to ask. I understand that you can't change how you feel about women, but I also don't want a repeat of the other night at the club," Edward is rambling, but I don't care.

The second that he mentions the club, my mind immediately jumps to the image of him and that blonde bitch.

"Wait a quick minute," I snap, leaning across the table. "I wasn't the only one grazing on other fucking pastures."

Edward looks dumbstruck and pissed.

"What in the hell are you talking about?" He makes a sour face and suddenly I'm talking to good old douche bag Edward.

"That blonde bitch," I sneer, and Edward suddenly looks guilty, which makes me feel a vindicated.

" _Heidi_?" He says her name and I flinch. "I work with her."

"You can still fuck her," I growl in his face.

"Yes, but I'm not. I never have, and I never will," he sounds smug as he gets up from his chair and walks over to me. "In fact, she is seeing Demetri."

"Whatever you say," I try to sound unaffected, but it's too late. Edward's staring at me, a huge grin on his face.

"So, you agree?" He asks, leaning down to gloat at me. "Just you and me."

"Sure," I mumble and shrug.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you look when you're jealous?" Edward whispers next to my face and I jerk back, taking a deep breath so I can scream in his face.

He lunges forward and tackles me to the floor, his lips pressing against mine, as his tongue forces its way into my mouth. Edward moans and I forget why I'm mad.


	13. Ties That Bind

**From:** B Swan [uglyduck86@gmail.com]  
 **Date:** November 17, 2009 8:45:39 PM EST  
 **To:** "Leah Dishwater" [leahdishwater@gmail.com]  
 **Subject:** **I'm Back!** Hey it's Bella!  
I am writing this to you from my brand new iPhone! WOOT! (Please note that Michele, aka the most awesome cousin in the WORLD, informs me that WOOT is a techno geek exclamation of enthusiasm). So WOOTY WOOTITY WOOT! I have an iPhone. Sorry to gloat, but I am just so happy to have something new in I don't know how long. That's right, I didn't tell you about Renee's present. You know how my mother is with her ridiculous gift giving. I can tell you that Phill's extra income has not improved the situation. When she heard that I was going to sell Bertha to Caroline, she started talking about buying me a new car for Seattle. Sweet Merciful Tubesocks she was going to buy me a Prius…A PRIUS! You can guess how well that went over. After a lot of discussion aka guilt tripping she almost got me to relent, then I remembered what you said about just using Dad to get her off my back and I did it. I told her that dad was getting Jaky to fix up a car for me, like he did for you, and that I didn't want to hurt his pride by accepting a new one from her. You know how Mom LOVES to be generous on the behalf of my Dad. You would have thought she was cutting out a kidney for him. Anyway, a great deal of Mamma Drama later she ended up just depositing the money in my savings account to "help with rent and moving expenses." So, add that to what I saved working at B &N for that last year, and not only am I set for covering rent for at least the next six months while I job hunt, but I have some money to burn. Now, I know that you told me that you could cover the rent while I'm not there but I am going to send you some money to get stuff set up. In other words buy some food, so I'm not sucking on dry Top Ramen noodles when I get there. I am using my serious face here, Leah. I will text you a picture of it, because I CAN!  
Which brings me to the explanation of my shine new technology. **  
Sent from my iPhone**

* * *

**From:** B Swan [uglyduck86@gmail.com]  
 **Date:** November 17, 2009 8:53:25 PM EST  
 **To:** "Leah Dishwater" [leahdishwater@gmail.com]  
 **Subject:** **I am lame** Shit biscuit! I was so excited that I hugged my phone and accidentally sent the email before I was finished. Sorry. Anyway, the saga of the phone started when I dropped my poor old phone in my coffee this morning. We tried a bunch of different things to revive it. Including putting it in a jar of rice, which was really gross. Alas nothing worked. So we rallied the troops and drove into town.  
Two hours later we arrived in town, and I was so excited to see Starbucks that I screamed. Michele was laughing so hard at me that we almost got in an accident. She stopped and I had my first REAL coffee in over a week. I swear it was the best VentiRaspberry Mocha I have ever had. Like the nectar of gods in my mouth. Then we drove to the Best Buy! Yes, there's a freakin' Best Buy here. Oh and somehow Michele sniffed out the cutest geekboy in the whole damn place to help me with my phone woes. His name was Daniel, and he had the sweetest accent. I have no idea where he's from, but I could have stood there all day long listened to him tell me about my new phone plan. After I drooled over Daniel and his sexy skinny black tie, I took my iPhone, car charger, candy apple red hard case that will protect it from all manner of evil and I decided to call you. Then I realized that without my contacts list on my old phone, I have no clue what anyone's phone number is. Yes, I am THAT lame. However, I figured out how to set up my email, with Michele's help, and if I am too brain dead to remember your email address just shoot me. And here we are. I hope that you're checking your email tonight so you can send me your number or just text me. Please TEXT ME NOW! I miss you so much I'm going crazy. We haven't talked in forever. Trust me, poor Michele is taking up the slack and I think she's going deaf from it. So call, text or email, whatever you want. I am here waiting. LOVE YOU Bella  
 **Sent from my iPhone**

* * *

I stifle my laughter as I read Bella's emails, and pull out my cell phone.

**206-555-3189 I'm at work, but call in a couple hours.**

I slide my phone back into my pocket, just as my desk phone starts to ring.

"This is Leah. How may I help you?" I answer the phone, using my fake cheery voice.

"Leah, it's Seth," his voice sounds strange, and I immediately worry about what could be wrong. "Have you heard from Jake lately?"

"Yeah," I sigh, getting ready for another round of familial guilt. "I know he's pissed at me about the whole housewarming thing..."

"It's not that," Seth cuts me off, his voice sounding even more urgent. "No one's heard from him in the past two days. I called his work and they're wondering if he quit."

"What?" It doesn't make sense, Jake doesn't miss work, and he rarely calls in sick. "Did you call Embry?"

I understood why Seth sounded upset. This isn't like Jake at all.

"Yeah, he's already at his mom's place," Seth was breathing funny, like he was running or walking really fast. "Embry said that Jake was sick, but that he insisted he was feeling better when Embry left on Monday."

"MONDAY?" My voice is higher than it should be, but I don't care. "I'm leaving work right now. Tell Embry that I'm going to kick his ass that next time I see him."

"Sure thing, Sis." His voice sounds calmer as I log out of my computer. "Give me a call once you get there, to let me know he's okay. Billy's fit to be tied."

"I will. Bye," I reply, hanging up the phone, and look up at Kathy.

Since Stephanie is on vacation she is the boss, and she doesn't even let me speak.

"Go," she waves her hand, and I don't hesitate as I grab my stuff.

"Thanks," I call over my shoulder as I run for the door.

* * *

"He is clear of infection at this time," Dr. Killian says with a genuine smile as he gives Alec's shoulder a gentle pat.

"Really?" I don't bother to hide the excitement in my voice.

"Is that good?" Alec asks, looking completely lost.

"Yes, though you still need to maximize your nutrition," the doctor scolds him with a stern look that is ruined by the smirk on his face.

"No more soda," I whisper, gently slapping Alec's leg, and Dr. Killian stifles a chuckle.

"Overall he's looking good for surgery," the doctor turns to me, and looks me in the eyes.

"Thank you," I sigh, feeling a weight that I didn't know was there lift off my chest a little. "How soon will he be put on the list?"

"He's already on the recipient list," Dr. Killian says, as he steps over the computer terminal.

"Oh," I reply, staring at the doctor as he starts punching at the keys with his index fingers while studying the screen.

It doesn't make sense; Alec has only just gotten healthy enough to qualify for the list. This appointment is supposed to be a check to ensure whether or not his health is now stable enough to get him on the list; at least that's what I _thought_ the purpose of it was supposed to be.

"In fact, he is on the 1A list," Dr. Killian speaks in a hushed tone, as he stares at the screen with a confused expression. "I suppose that he is under eighteen, but it is hard to imagine that he's ill enough to be listed as 1A..." The doctor continues to mutter to himself as he punches some more keys.

I feel my face flush with embarrassment, because I know exactly why the doctor's confused. The transplant recipient list works on a scale that weighs the urgency of the patient's need for a new organ verses their body's ability to cope with the surgery, and their potential to recover successfully. Even with Alec's need for a heart as dire as it is, he is still only a level 2. That would put him two places below 1A, which is reserved for patients that are in desperate need; most are already in the hospital and on ventilators. There's only one explanation why Alec is now one of the first people in line for a new heart; Volt. I know I shouldn't accept this. I should call Aro and refuse this assistance, but as I look at Alec's face, I can't bring myself to feel anything but thankful.

"So, Doc, I've got a question," Alec's voice squeaks as he tangles his fingers together, not looking up. "Is there anything I should avoid, you know, while I'm getting ready for surgery?"

"What exactly are you asking, son?" Dr. Killian's bemused expression makes me smirk, though I am trying to not show it to Alec, since he is obviously embarrassed.

"I just wanted...well, hypothetically...if I...I mean if a girl was to...with me," Alec's voice gets quieter as he continues to stumble, and I'm too shocked to laugh. "Oh, never mind."

"I think I know what you're getting at, and while I'm not going to tell you that you can't, you need to be careful about exerting yourself. It's all right as long as you don't let your heart rate and blood pressure get too high," the doctor says, trying to look serious, despite the smirk. "I'll see you two for another follow up on Monday. Keep eating, and getting plenty of rest. Oh and I suggest reverse cowgirl."

As the door closes behind the doctor, I turn to Alec's dark crimson cheeks. I've never seen this much color in his complexion, and it makes my heart soar to see this, despite his obvious embarrassment. I try to think of what to say, but each time I open my mouth, I feel the laughter start to bubble in the back of my throat, and I have to stifle it.

"I'm not telling you who it is," he hisses, and steps down from the table, heading for the door.

"I wasn't going to ask," I reply, trying to cover my chuckle with a cough.

"Fuck you, Edward," he grumbles, though I catch a hint of a smile on his face as he pulls open the door.

* * *

"JAKE, can you hear me?" I scream as I fumble with my spare key, and struggle to unlock the door. "JACOB BLACK ANSWER ME!"

I only spend a few seconds banging on his door before I decide to barge in. It is entirely possible that he's in there banging some bimbo; I've walked in on him at our place enough fact that he didn't call call into work makes me think that something is really wrong.

The lock finally slides back, and I kick open his door. The stench of body odor hit me with such force that I have to stop and steady myself. I take a deep breath, and hold it, then catch sight of a large lump on the couch.

"JAKE!" I scream as I run over to his limp body, draped over the worn old couch. "If you're dead, I'm going to fucking kill you."

I growl past the tears that are already filling my eyes as I touch the shining skin of his face. He's clammy, but he begins to stir. His eyelids flutter for a second, before he focuses bleary eyes on me, and smiles.

"Lee Lee," his voice is horse, and he almost sounds out of breath. "Did you make me meatloaf?"

"What? Jake, what the hell is going on?" I yell, gently shaking his hulking shoulders, and manage to barely move him.

_Fucking meathead._

"I'm really hungry. Did you make that honey-ketchup sauce?" his eyes close, and his head slumps against the broken down arm of the couch. "I would eat dirt if it was covered with that stuff."

"JAKE!" I scream and slap his cheek.

"FUCK!" He jerks up, opening his eyes to give me an angry stare. "What's your problem?"

"MY PROBLEM?" I stand up, and walk over to slam his door closed. "Only the fact that I had to leave work early to make sure you're still alive."

"Fucking shit," he grumbles, shifting on his back, and gives me a half-hearted look of guilt. "I told Embry I would be fine. I just need to sleep."

He stretches his long beefy arms, and yawns like a fat fucking cat. I love my cousin, I do. That doesn't change the face that I still want to kick his face in with the heel of my shoe.

"You slept for two fucking days, Jake," I growl, as I toss my bag on his coffee table. "Your dad's freaking out, and made Seth call me. The garage thinks you quit."

"What?" That got his attention. If there are two things that will actually get Jacob to take notice, it's his father and his job. Well, there's one other thing, but I'm not going to torture him with that, YET. "I called Brady. Wait, it's Tuesday, right?"

"Wednesday," I reply, pulling out my cell phone and dialing Seth's number.

"Leah? Is he okay?" Seth's voice is frantic, so I guess he had time to work his anxiety levels back up.

"He's fine. Here." I toss my phone at Jake, who catches it and rolls his eyes as he answers. I ignore him, and pull off my jacket, tossing it on the back of the couch. His place isn't half bad, when it's clean. Right now, it looks like a hurricane hit it. I sigh, and roll up my sleeves. When Jake is sick he goes into this survival mode, eating and sleeping, that's all he does. It's bizarre, but it works - except for the time when he got pneumonia and almost died of dehydration.

_Fucking idiot._

Luckily, I got back from Arizona when I did or I would have come home to a funeral. Fucking men. No, scratch that. _Quileute men!_ Stubborn is an understatement. They would rather die than accept help. It doesn't matter how badly they're hurt. It's insane.

My father once accidentally pierced his hand with a piece of rebar on the job. He drove four miles back to the house with a dirty rag duct taped to his hand, but it wasn't to get help; it was to eat lunch. When I asked if we should head down to the clinic, he shook his head as he quickly ate his lunch using his good hand. After he finished, he walked over the kitchen sink, cleaned up the wound with dish soap, had me wrap it with some clean gauze and an ace bandage and headed back to work. I had to call Auntie Ruth, and get her to drive out to the job site and yell at him until he agreed to go the clinic _after_ he got off of work.

"I'll be fine, Dad," I could hear Jacob's hoarse voice rise as he speaks with his dad, and I smile at his annoyance. "No! Please don't come...I know, but I was just...Dad, please, it's...fine! Leah!"

I smile as I walk back over to the couch and take my phone from his hands, enjoying the grumpy look on his face.

"Uncle Billy?" I ask, sitting down on the arm of the couch, while Jacob sulks.

"Leah, thank you so much for checking on him," his voice is deep, and sounds a lot like Seth. Either that, or Seth is starting to sound like him. "Do you mind keeping an eye on him for tonight? Charlie is working the late shift, but he agreed to drive me up tomorrow morning."

"I've got you covered," I reply, enjoying how tortured Jacob looks as he watches me. "I have to leave for work in the morning, at six, but he should be fine by himself for a few hours."

"Thank you, dear," he sighs, and I can't help but feel warmed by the relief in his tone. "I don't know what we do with out you, babygirl."

I don't know what to say; normally, I'm not that affected by him using his nickname for me, but for some reason it tugs at something in my chest. I have to take a breath before I reply.

"It's no big deal, Uncle Billy," I mumble into the receiver, and turn my back to Jacob.

"Nonsense, it's a very big deal," he laughs softly, and I feel the pain twist a little more. "You're the heart of this family, and you know it."

I hate it when he does this, telling me this kind of stuff. Right now it was just too much. I can't speak. I just sit there staring at the broken pieces of crackers scattered across Jacob's carpet, trying to fight of the strangling pain, that threatens to burst from my chest.

"Leah," Jake says, gently pats my leg. "Give it to me."

I hand him the phone, and walk to his bathroom, trying to not focus on the pain.

"She's fine, Dad," he says in a soft tone, as I slam the bathroom door.

I turn on the faucet, and slash water over my face, wishing I could just forget.

" _Little Miss Clearwater," Sam slurred as he stumbled into the small clearing where I'd chosen to hide and cry. "Why you crying?"_

_He was drunk, no surprise. Sam Uley was a punk, and good for nothing, or so Auntie Ruth said. She warned me to steer clear of him, and promised me that he'd end up dead or in jail like his father._

" _My mom..." my voice died in my throat, and I shook my head, shifting out of his way as he fell to the ground next me._

" _I know," he said, pulling a glass bottle out of his back pocket, and taking a sip. "I was at the funeral too."_

" _I know," I replied in a snotty tone, wishing he would just leave me alone. "I saw you get kicked out."_

_I had watched as he tripped on his way toward the casket, and taken out a row of folding chairs, looking like a flailing, swearing octopus. Seth giggled, and Auntie Ruth yelled at the men to throw Sam out. She was so scary when she was angry, I picked up Seth and went to stand with Uncle Billy, and Jake._

" _Yeah, well fuck 'em," he groaned, leaning back and stretching out on the grass. "She would have hated all that crap, anyway."_

" _Who?" I turned to look at him, and noticed that he had a scar that went from the base of his ear and disappeared below the collar of his leather jacket. It looked like someone had twisted Silly Putty into a thin rope and stuck it along his neck._

_I'd heard all kinds of crazy stories about Sam, about how he dealt drugs, and that he'd killed a guy in Seattle for insulting his car. I think Jake made up that story, but he always seemed out of it whenever I saw him. Especially lay sprawled on the grass beside me. He looked like a mess, and he smelled sour, like apple cider vinegar that Mom use to use to clean stains out of Dad's work pants._

" _Your mother," he answered, rolling his eyes, and raised himself up on his elbows. "Sue Clearwater did not believe in funerals. She believed in celebrating life."_

_I grabbed a handful of grass, tossed it into his face, and started to get up. He grabbed my wrist, and I panicked. Sam Uley was the most dangerous boy that I knew. I'd seen him a pull a gun on Paul at one of the beach parties, just because Paul accidentally made him spill his beer. I witnessed him punch out a teacher, right before they expelled him. Now, he had my wrist in his strong grip, and he was reaching out a hand toward my face. I flinched as he touched my cheek._

" _Let me go!" I tried to sound angry, but I was trembling as his fingers traced over my face._

" _You're so pretty," he smiled at me, and I froze._

_No one had ever said that to me. Even Paul, and we had kissed. Well, he smashed his mouth against mine and called it a kiss, but he was my cousin so it didn't count, 'cause it was gross. I've never really thought about boys, but as Sam stared at me, I felt myself blush._

" _Stop," I whispered, trying to pull away from him._

_He's sixteen, a bad boy; there are a ton of girls on and off the rez that chase after him. I'm too tall, bony, and Auntie Ruth says I've got the face of a wolf. Dad says that she meant it as a compliment, but all I could think of is the fact that I look like a dog._

" _Leah," his voice was soft, and breathy. "You don't want to go."_

_He was smiling at me, with droopy eyelids and a strange look on his face. It made my stomach feel funny, and I stopped pulling at his hand, but I still wasn't sure what he wanted._

" _I'm just a kid," I spat, reminding him what he said at the spring dance when my mother had asked him why he wasn't asking me to dance, and he'd replied that he didn't dance with kids._

_I was going to be turning thirteen in the fall, and I knew that I wasn't the kind of girl that Sam Uley would look at twice._

" _You're still beautiful," he whispered, pulling me on top his chest, and I gasped._

_I managed to squeak with surprise as he kissed me. I had never felt anything like it. This wasn't like the painful mouth smashing with Paul. This was soft, warm, and thrilling. I could feel his hot breath wash over my lips as his hand slid behind my head. I didn't even mind the sharp smell of the alcohol on his breath or the slight tart flavor it left on his lips. Strange swirling sensations danced around in my belly, as Sam moaned softly, and then his tongue slipped between my lips._

_I panicked, and jerked back. He looked shocked as I slapped him hard across the face, and rolled off of him. I ran as fast as I could, not stopping till I got home. That night, as I laid in my bed, I touched my mouth, and played back over the kiss in my head. I fell in love with Sam Uley that day._

I fill up the sink with cold water, taking a deep breath before dunking my head under the surface. Painful cold stab at my skin, and I welcome it. I need the shock and pain to clear my head. I pull my head free, and use the sad, wrinkly hand towel to wipe my face.

"MOTHER FUCK!" Jake's unmistakable screech echoes through the apartment, and I was run down the hallway and into the living room just as a loud crashing sound explodes through the room.

I find Jake sprawled across what was left of his coffee table. He is groaning and swearing as I lean down to help him.

"What the hell?" I yell, dragging him up to kneel and he nearly falls backward. "Jake!"

"I was trying to get up," he groans, and collapses onto my shoulder, nearly crushing me. "Navigational systems are offline."

"Fucking nerd," I grumble as I struggle to my feet, dragging him with me, and start the long walk to the bathroom. "Next time you're sick, just sleep in the fucking tub, it would make this a lot easier."


	14. Between Obligation and Devotion

"Is it Sarah?" I ask, not bothering to stifle my smile anymore.

"I told you, Edward," Alec grumbles, picking up his pace to try to walk ahead of me. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Slow down," I call, and try to not laugh as I jog after him. "You're going to get your heart rate up just trying to avoid this conversation."

He stopped, and let out a long exhale before he looked up at me.

"Then stop asking me questions!" He yells at me, just as Jane walks over to us, with Felix following close behind her.

"What the hell, you two?" Jane walks in between us and puts a hand on Alec's chest.

"If you're so worried about fucking, why don't you ask Jane about the dance?" Alec says, ducking into the entrance for the shelter's entrance. He gives his sister an apologetic wave as the door closes behind him.

"Son of a bitch," Jane hisses, her bottom lip jutting out as she frowns.

"Dance?" I'm asking her, but I look past her at Felix's wide grin.

"It's nothing..." Jane says, looking flustered, and Felix steps forward.

"Jane's going to be my date for the Winter Ball," he announces, placing his hand around her shoulder.

I felt the muscles in my neck and back seize up with tension.

"I said I would think about it!" she counters, pushing his hand off her shoulder. "Did something happen at the doctor's office?"

"The doctor's appointment went fine," I say, staring over her head at Felix's bright stupid smiling face; I never wanted to hit someone more in my life. "You're not going to that dance."

"What?" Jane's eyes widen, and her face flushes. "I can go if I want to!"

"No, you can't!" I shake my head.

"It's my choice!" she yells, leaning back, and taking Felix's hand in her own.

I sigh, and shove my hand through my hair to try to get it out of my eyes.

"I can't let you do this. I have an obligation to you...both of you...as residents," I tell them, with a frustrated groan. "It's against the Shelter's policy on relationships between residents."

"Really?" She frowns, and crosses her arms. "I didn't see you ask me for approval of your girlfriend."

Felix wraps his arm around her waist, and starts to glare at me.

"My personal life is not up for discussion. This is about shelter rules, and nothing more," I'm yelling, and I don't care.

_I can't let this happen._

"It's none of your fucking business," she snarls, grabs Felix's wrist, and pulls him toward the shelter.

As Jane disappears inside the entrance, Felix stops and looks at me. I meet his gaze and a strange coldness comes over me.

"Just remember she's fifteen," my voice is calm, but I knew that my expression was menacing.

Felix just nods, and walks inside the shelter.

I park a few blocks away from Leah's apartment, and take a second to relax after I turn off the engine. I am trying not to think about Alec's appointment, and Jane, and Jane had done a great job of distracting me. I don't know what it is about her and Felix that bothers me so much, other than the obvious issue of her age.

I should never have said anything to him. Threatening a resident is inexcusable, and it is my own misdirected anger, at what, I'm not sure. Maybe it is all the built up stress over Alec's condition, or this situation with his mystery girl. No, I'm not truly worried about it. Although I had been running through the list of the girls at the shelter while I was teasing Alec, I'd never seen him speak more than two words to any of them. I figured that his plans were nothing more than wishful thinking.

I get out of my car and jog over to the main entrance of Leah's building. Tension is still making my muscles ache, but I keep telling myself: I'm just a few minutes away from relaxing. I'm going to curl up on Leah's couch while we figure out something to eat for dinner.

I hope she likes Indian food; I knew a place nearby that delivers and I know I feel like something spicy. I knock on the door as I begin to compose the order in my head. _Chicken tikka masala, lamb vindaloo, basmati rice, garlic naan_...I'm making myself hungrier by the minute. I knock again. If Leah doesn't like Indian food, we could have Vietnamese again.

"Leah," I call through the door, and knock yet again.

Strange, I thought she'd be home by now. I pull out my phone and dial her number. Maybe she's still at work.

"Stop thrashing!" I slap Jacob's head, and wrap my legs around his chest to pin him in place.

"You're pulling my hair!" He whines, and flinches as I continue to scrub shampoo through his matted hair. "Ouch!"

I wouldn't normally bathe a grown man that I wasn't having sex with, but I couldn't stand smelling him. The corn chip and sour milk stench coming off of his unwashed body is making me gag, and the living room smells like a jockstrap. I am going to throwaway his blankets and possibly burn his couch.

After I manage to get him into the tub, he thrashes so hard; you'd think I was trying to drown him. Jake whines and splashes me as I try to wash his hair. It is almost as long as mine, but two days of sleeping and sweat had turned it into a rats' nest. I swear it's like trying to bath a fucking Wooly Mammoth.

"Stay still or I'm going to rinse it out with fucking toilet water," I growl as my phone starts to blare Smashing Pumpkins _Zero._ "Fuck!"

"Hello!" Leah answers the phone by screaming in my ear, and have to pull the phone away for a second to recover. "Shit! Ow! I forgot to call you."

"Are you okay?" I ask; she sounds like she actually hurt herself.

_Where is she?_

"Yeah, just fell on my ass," she grumbled, and grunts a little. "Where are you?

"I'm at your place," I reply, wondering where she is, if she's not home.

"Fuck me," she groans, and I turn to lean against her door.

"That _was_ my plan," I say with a smirk. "I suppose that plans have changed."

"Yes," she sighs, and I could hear some kind of splashing in the background. "My fucking cousin is sick and needy."

I could hear someone swear in the background, and I resist the to urge to punch her door. _Jacob._ She is taking care of her asshole cousin. It makes sense; she is his only relative in town, but doesn't he have anyone else to look after him?

"So, I guess I should just head home then," I say it slowly, wishing that she would interrupt me, and say that I'm wrong, but she doesn't.

"Yeah," her voice sounds remorseful, but I still kick her door anyway. "We'll have to hang out some other time. I'm...I'm sorry."

Her hesitance makes me smile as much as her apology.

"Okay," I try to sound nonchalant, as I start to walk down the stairs toward the exit for her building. "I know how you can make it up to me - by spending the weekend with me."

* * *

"Um...I don't think we should talk about that right now," I try to sound casual, even though Jacob is staring at me with frown on his face.

"There's nothing to talk about," Edward insists in that tone that makes me want to scream. "You said that you really need to do laundry. I have a washer and dryer at my place. This way, it's free and easy."

He is too good at this, and I am in no position to argue with him. Jacob starts to smirk at me, like he knows I'm talking to _someone._ That's how he always referred to it when we lived together - apparently I get a certain tone in my voice when I talk to someone that I'm fucking. I hate Jacob sometimes, especially when he's being fucking clever.

"Fine," I reply, standing up and turning my back to Jacob.

The sweats that I borrowed from him are soaking wet, and sagging off my hips.

"Call me later," his voice is soft all of sudden, and it's making parts of me tighten. "I want to say good night."

"Okay," I manage to whisper, before hanging up, and set my phone back down on the counter.

"Guy or girl?" Jacob asks with a wide grin.

"Fuck off!" I yell, walking over to on the edge of the tub. "I am a nun!"

"Right," he says, picking up his wash cloth and throws it in my face. "Clit licking Mother Theresa."

He laugh and immediately starts to hack up a lung.

* * *

" _Bells!" Dad yells like I'm deaf and waves at me. "Get back here!"_

" _Coming," I grumble, running back to him, and trip on my own feet. "BAH!"_

_I go flying forward, and almost hit the ground, but someone catches me around my waist._

" _Got ya," Leah says, pulling me up on my feet, and holds my hand as we walk over to Dad._

" _Good catch, Leah," he says, putting his arm around her shoulders and kisses her forehead._

" _Why don't you girls sit here, while I get us something to eat," he said, pointing at the bench and waited until we were sitting before leaving us._

_I watched out of the corner of my eye. Leah was leaning her head on the back of the bench, and swinging her feet._

_Leah bumped my shoulder and I nearly lost my balance. I made a yipping sound, and turned to look at her._

" _How you liking the Magical Kingdom so far, Duckie?" She smiled at me, and I couldn't help but return her smile._

" _Um...it's okay, I guess," I shrug, trying to look cool like Leah as I stare at her. "What do you think?"_

" _I like it," she laughs softly, gently tugging on one of my braids._

_She did my hair for me this morning. I hadn't asked her to do it at first. She had walked up while I struggled to brush my thick hair and took the brush from me. She looked so much like Auntie Sue while she carefully brushed my hair. I wanted to look as pretty her, so I asked her to braid my hair._

_Leah carefully put my braid behind my shoulder, and dropped a plastic bag in my lap._

" _What's this?" I ask, practically tearing open the bag to see what's inside._

" _I thought that you could use something to play on your new cd player," Leah says, as I pull the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack out of the bag._

" _Thanks for always making me smile, Duckie," she whispered, and slid her arm around my shoulder._

" _I love it," I sighed, and leaned my head against her shoulder._

_We'd just watched the movie in our hotel room last night. I wanted to pick The Little Mermaid, since it was my favorite movie, but I remembered how Dad said we should try to cheer up Leah, since her mother died. So I let Leah pick the movie._

_Leah and I watched the whole thing in silence from our huge hotel bed. I tried to carefully wipe away my tears when the Beast almost died, but I knew that Leah had probably seen me cry. She was so cool and tough, I wished I could be like her. I didn't want her to see me crying like a big baby._

_After the movie was over and Dad called "lights-out," Leah and I climbed into bed to sleep, but I was still thinking about the movie. Leah whispered to me, asking if I liked the movie. I told her that I did, and she confided that it was her favorite. I got excited and told her that I related to Belle a lot, because I loved to read. I asked if she liked Belle too. She made a snorting sound, and I felt stupid, until she explained that she felt like the Beast._

" _Okay, so I've got the world's largest Elephant Ears," Dad said, as he walked towards us with his arms full of food._

" _Let me help," Leah jumped up off the bench toward him, and grabbed the sodas from his hands._

" _Thanks, Lee Lee," he sighed, and sat down next to me. "How are my girls?"_

" _Dad, look what Leah gave me," I said waving the CD at him._

" _That's great," he sighed, and looked at Leah. "I'm lucky to have my two favorite girls with me."_

_He had a goofy smile as he wrapped his arms around each of us, and Leah laughed. I smiled as I put my arms around his waist, and felt Leah's hands slide over my arms while she hugged him too. We stayed that way, in a quiet, comfortable embrace, and for the first time I felt at home._

"Bella?" A distinctly male voice answers Leah's phone, jolting me out of my memories, and I hesitate for a second before I reply.

I could have sworn that I called the number that Leah texted to me; in fact, I just pressed the little underlined number in the text and it immediately dialed her. _I love my iPhone._

"Uh...yeah," I finally reply, and frown. "Who is this?"

"Bella!" he laughs a deep resonating laugh that makes me think of James Earl Jones. "It's Jake."

My brain does a mental back flip. _Jake?_ As in little Jacob Black, who used to follow us around La Push? The little black haired boy with a bright smile who always wanted to get my soda for me? I remember the night we all camped on the beach, he insisted on helping me put up my tent. I also remember other things that happened that night, and immediately start to blush

"Jakey?" I try to sound pleasant, and not devastatingly embarrassed. "Is that really you? You sound all grown up."

"Yeah, I can wipe my own ass and everything," he replies with a low raspy chuckle, and I feel myself blush harder.

I shouldn't be surprised; he is only two years younger than me. Still, it seems weird that the sweet boy who always made me smile is...Jesus, twenty-one years old. Jacob's a man, with a deep voice, and I think he's teasing me.

_Little jerk._

"Are you sure about that?" I try to sound like Leah she tells off jerks at the bar. "You sound pretty pissy to me."

He laughs even louder, and I can't help but smile. Damn, he has still got it. Then he starts to cough hard, and I feel bad again. I bite my lip and wait for his coughing fit to pass.

"You got me there," he manages to spit out between coughs.

"Are you okay?" I ask, feeling stupid, because obviously, he is not okay.

_Where the hell is Leah?_

"I'm fine. It's just a bug," he says as he pants into the phone, and I try to not think about how long it's been too long since _anyone_ has been out of breath while talking to me. "I suppose that you want to talk to the Thunder Cunt."

"Jesus!" It's my turn to laugh hysterically. "You have to warn a girl before you let one loose like that, Jakey. I think I sprained something. Yes, where is she?"

"She's at the store, getting me some grub," he chuckles, and I can still hear a wet rattle in his voice.

"Yeah," I reply, and grow quiet, unsure of what to say.

"Yeah," he repeats, and then grows quiet himself.

The silence stretches on for a few seconds, and I wonder if I should just tell him I'll call later. Suddenly, I hear soft thud in the background.

"Who in the fuck are you talking to?" I hear Leah's unmistakable scream, and Jacob starts to laugh.

"None of your business!" he wheezes into the phone and I hear a scuffle. "Leah, I don't know why your panties are in a bunch. I'm just talk – YEOW! LET GO! LET GO!"

I could hear Jacob continue to scream in the distance as the phone makes a strange sound.

"Hello?" Leah yells in my ear, but I don't care because I am so relieved to hear her voice.

"LEAH!" I yelp, and wave my hands like a spazz. "Oh baby, I've missed you so much!"

* * *

"Bella? BABY!" Leah laughs, and chatters to Bella like a hen, while I rub my sore nipples.

"Fucking bitch!" I spit at her, and she flips me off.

"How have you been?" She continues to talk, and I can hear my stomach growl.

"I'm starving over here," I grumble and throw an empty water bottle at her.

It bounces off the side of her head, and she turns to glare at me. I just lean back in my old leather recliner, and give her smug look.

_That's right, you interrupt the first conversation that I've had with Bella in years, and you have to pay._

"I'm sorry, Bella. Bitchy McFuckface wants me to cook," she snarls into the phone. "Yeah, I don't think he'd care if I put you on speakerphone. Would you...Jakey?"

I mouth the word "cunt," and Leah just makes a kissy face at me as she presses the button on the phone.

"Hello?" Bella's voice rings through the room, and I feel my heart beat pick up.

"Hey," Leah says, walking over to start unpacking the grocery bags, and starts to fix her world famous meatloaf. "So, are you we speaking to a clean and sober Bella? Or are we still hearing from the High Times edition?"

I have no idea what the fuck Leah's talking about, but I don't care, because Bella's laughing through the phone, and the sound makes me feel like a kid again.

" _What ya reading?" It was my usual way of starting a conversation with Bella, for years._

" _Emma," she said, tilting the hardback book in her hands so I could see the cover._

" _Any good?" Another lame question rolled out of my mouth, as I poked the dying fire set at the center at the campsite that Sam and I built on the beach._

" _Yeah, I guess," she sighed, looking down the beach as the sound of Leah's laughter echoed through the air. "Pride and Prejudice is still my favorite."_

_She glanced down the beach, where Sam and Leah were supposed to be walking. We both knew what they were doing, but as Bella looked back at me I knew she didn't want to talk about how much it hurt her feelings to be left with me._

" _That's the one with Darcy, right?" I asked, and her eyes lit up at my words, making my heartbeat kick into overdrive._

" _You've read it?" She scooted across the driftwood log that we were using as a bench, and I tried to not show how nervous I was at being so close to her._

" _Yeah, for school," I admitted with a shrug, and poked the fire again._

" _That's great. Do you like Darcy? What's your favorite part?" She chattered excitedly._

_Her face was just inches from mine, and her eyes were wide as she smiled at me. I'd never gotten so much of Bella's attention before. It was kind of intense, and it was freaking me out a little. Suddenly, I couldn't remember anything about the book, other than I hated Darcy. I had gotten Leah to help me with my book report, but all I could remember about that was that I'd compared the class separation to modern day racism. Actually, Leah had made the comparison and I basically dictated everything she said into my report._

" _Uh...I don't know," I stalled, shrugged and racked my brain for anything to say._

_I didn't care about impressing her anymore. I just didn't want to embarrass myself. All I could think about was how stupid I thought that Lizzie was for liking a jerk like Darcy, and how Mr. Bennet seemed to hate his wife. Even Jane kind of annoyed me, and I hated how the younger sisters were ignored. Not Lydia, because who the hell could ignore that train wreck, but Mary and Kitty. Kitty, especially, was always overlooked._

" _Kitty!" I blurted it out, and then felt like an idiot._

" _Oh...really?" She looked disappointed, and I felt even dumber._

" _Yeah, I guess," I dropped my head, and wished that I'd just turned down Leah when she asked me to tag along. I knew that she just wanted me to keep Bella company, but I didn't care. I was too excited for a chance to hang out with them to turn her down. When they pulled up at my house, and I saw the confusion on Bella's face, I felt horrible, but I still went. I only got to see Bella a couple of times a year, if I was lucky. I still hated seeing her try to hide the look of disappointment as I hopped in Leah's truck._

_Then things got worse when Sam showed up right after we set up the camp. He had a six-pack of beer and tried to act all sweet as he asked borrow Leah for a walk. Bella looked so hurt, as they left us sitting by the campfire._

" _Why Kitty?" She asked, setting her book down, and placing her hand on my arm._

_Now, she was giving me that same sweet, forced smile, and I wished I'd never opened my mouth._

" _I don't know, I guess it's cause everyone kind of took her for granted," I said, not really sure where I was going with this, but Bella seemed still interested so I continued. "Kitty and Lydia were best friends, but as soon as Wick guy came along, Lydia dumped her sister like a hot potato."_

" _Actually, it was when Mrs. Foster asked Lydia to go with her to Brighton," Bella corrected me, and giggled._

" _Yeah," I whispered, realizing that Bella was shaking a little. "Are you cold?"_

" _A little." Her teeth chattered as she said it, and I immediately wrapped my arm around her shoulders._

_I took hold of one of her hands, and it felt like I was holding an ice cube._

" _Geez, Bella," I exhaled over her frozen fingers. "You're an iceberg."_

" _I'm better now," she said, pressing her forehead to my cheek. "So, you just feel sorry for Kitty, for being left behind?"_

_I couldn't believe that Bella still wanted to talk about the book. All I could think was how close she was to me, how small her hand felt in mine, and how if I just turned my head I could kiss her._

" _No," I sighed, rubbing my cheek against her cold forehead and tried to figure out how to explain. "It's more like no one even gives her a chance, to be something other than...I don't know. Like it made me sad that no one could see that she was so much more than just Lydia's little sidekick. It's stupid."_

_I groaned, and threw down the stick I'd been using to stoke the fire._

" _It is not stupid, Jake," Bella sighed, and I leaned my head back to look down at her. "It's sweet."_

_She was staring up at me, and her icy hand touched my cheek. I shivered when she touched me, and I saw something pass over her face. I was about to ask if she wanted my coat, when she leaned up and pressed her lips to mine._

_I froze as her breath washed over my lips, and then something clicked in my brain. I leaned down, and put my hand on the back of her head, like I'd seen Sam do with Leah. Bella's mouth opened, and felt her tongue slip out. I gasped as it slid into my mouth and then Bella moaned._

" _Sam!" Leah's breathy cry cut through the air, and Bella jerked back in an instant._

_Suddenly she was standing up, and stumbling toward her tent._

" _Night," she mumbled as she dove into her tent, and zipped it closed behind her._

"Hey, kumquat!" Leah laughs as I feel something bounce off my forehead, and I immediately glare at her. "Bella asked you a question."

"Huh? Oh, sorry, Bella," I mumble, and try to shift in my chair, but end up sliding right back to where I was. "What did you say?"

"I was just hoping that we could all go camping this summer," her voice seemed far away, and I was starting to feel cold again.

"Shit," Leah's voice was suddenly right beside me, her hand pressed against my forehead. "Bella, we're going to have to let you go. His fever is coming back."

"I'm fine," I croak, but she just ignores me and walks over to the counter.

Leah picks up her cell phone and takes it off speakerphone, taking away Bella's beautiful voice.

"I know, but we'll have plenty of time for that when you get here," she says softly as she walks back to me. "I can't wait either. Okay. I love you, too."

She clicks off the phone and slides it into her pocket.

"I wanted to say goodbye," I whisper, my head feeling heavy and swollen.

"You'll get a chance to fawn over her when she gets here," Leah replies, as she pulls the comforter and wraps it around me tightly. "Right, now we need to keep you warm."

She climbs over the arm of the chair in slips behind me, her arms winding around my shoulders, and presses her face into the back of my neck. I immediately feel warmer, and better. Leah has that kind of magic about her that always makes me feel safe. Dad says that she gets it from Aunt Sue, but I barely remember her. Whenever I was sick, or hurt, it was Leah who took care of me. She kept Rachel and Rebecca off my back, and helped me with my homework. She made me soup or meatloaf, and told me bedtime stories.

"Tell me about the wolf and the princess," I mumble, feeling my eyelids close, and my head starts to feel foggy.

"Okay," she says, her breath washing over my skin and chasing the chill away. "There once was a Princess who didn't like to be a princess. She was far more content to play in the forest with the animals. Her father warned her to be careful, that animals could hurt her even if they are her friends."

"Skip to the good part," I grumble, and try to shift into a more comfortable position as Leah laughs softly against my hair.

"All right," she sighs, her arms tightening around me for a second, and she places a kiss on the top of my head. "One day, the princess came upon a wolf caught in a trap. He growled and snapped at her as she came close to him..."

Her voice becomes a low mumble as begin to drift to sleep.


	15. The Road to Tikkun Olam

I pull up to Edward's house just as the sun starts to set, and part of me wishes that I hadn't agreed to stay. I'm burned out after a long day at work and an even longer night of babysitting Jake. Between his stinky couch and his fever dreams, I was lucky to get two hours of good sleep.

_"Leah!" He was screaming, and I nearly broke my neck running into his room from the living room. "Make them stop! LEAH!"_

_He was thrashing around like crazy, making it impossible to get near him to try to wake him up._

_"Jake!" I yelled his name, and threw my body on top of him. "I'm here, Jake!"_

_As soon as he heard my voice, he calmed down. I immediately started sweating from being pressed against his hot skin._

_"They said it was my fault." He was still dreaming and crying._

_I hated when Jake has these dreams. It's been years since he has had one, but I think that makes it worse. I'm not prepared to see his pain and how it twists like a knife in my guts. Poor Jake had it rough growing up with two cunts for older sisters. He got beaten up, stuffed in laundry hampers, and told that his mother had wanted him to be a girl, all because his sisters couldn't cope with the death of their mother. Everyone made excuses for their behavior, because that's what families do when they don't want to deal with shit. Auntie Ruth used to say that girls need a mother to teach them compassion and love, but I don't buy it. I lost my mom, and I'm not a flaming bitch. Well, not to my little brother, anyway._

_"It's just a dream," I whispered blowing on his face to try to cool him down, and calm him a little._

_"No," he argued, turning his head from me, and fresh tears slipped from under his eyelids. "Becca said-"_

_"I don't care what she said," I interrupted him, and forced his face back toward mine. "I'm older than you and I say it's NOT your fucking fault. Do you hear me?"_

_He blinked and his eyes opened._

_"Leah?" His voice was horse, his skin was suddenly clammy, and I hoped that his fever finally broke. "What are you doing?"_

_He looked confused and a little freaked out as I rolled my eyes._

_"Hey, you were the one grabbing my boobs and calling me Bella," I said, slapping his damp chest, while trying to not bust up laughing when he looked horrified._

_"I WHAT?" He began to cough, and felt a little bad._

_"Just fucking with you," I laughed as I stood up, and checked his clock. "Your snoring woke me up, and I have to be to work in three hours. Turn on your side, fuckface."_

_I turned around and headed back to the smelly couch as he grumbled about what a bitch I was._

Edward climbs out of his Volvo, and slowly walks toward me with a smile on his too-pretty face. For a split second, I think about putting the truck in reverse, but it's too late. He is already standing next to my door and that smile is nearly blinding me.

_Fuck me._

"Hey," Edward says, as he opens my door for me, and offers me his hand like we're in some BBC Classic.

"Yeah," I mumble, ignoring his hand as I step out and walk over to get my bags out of the bed of the truck.

Edward quietly follows me, and grabs the other bag. He slings it over his shoulder and smirks at me as he digs in his pocket. I just stare at him, as he pulls out his keys.

"Ready?" He asks, as he flips through them one-handed to find his house key.

"Sure," I sigh heavily, swinging my duffle bag over my shoulder, and follow up the stairs to his front door.

I watch his back as he puts the key into the lock and I try to fight the strange feeling of dread that washes over me as he opens the door. I'm going to spend the entire weekend with Edward, at his house. It doesn't sound right.

_How did I let him talk me into this?_

"Do you like Indian food?" Edward sets my bag next to the door and turns that brilliant fucking smile on me.

"I love it," I reply, dropping my bag, to take off my coat and I put my hands on my hips. "What's the deal, Smiley?"

Edward just laughs, as he takes off his jacket, and tosses it onto the floor. I glance down as his charcoal suit jacket slides open and I spot the sleek designer label: _Valentino_. Edward just dropped a jacket that costs easily a thousand dollars on the floor, like a rag. I chew my lip, not sure what bothers me more: That his jacket costs almost as much as a month's rent on my apartment, or that Edward is suddenly abandoning his obsessive need to tidy up like a fucking _house_ _frau_.

_What is wrong with him?_

"Come here," he sighs, sliding his finger into the waistband of my jeans, and tugs me forward.

"Hm," I grunt, trying to keep my face neutral despite how his cool finger feels sliding below my bellybutton, making me clench.

"I'm glad you're here," he says in a hushed tone, pulling me into his arms and brings his lips to my temple.

I move to press my face into his neck, allowing myself a moment to enjoy his soapy, spicy scent and sigh, " _I'm_ glad I'm finally off the fucking rag."

It's like someone flips a switch; one minute Edward is holding me, and the next he is attacking my mouth like he is trying fuck me with his tongue. I moan; it is the only thing I can do when his tongue is painting the inside of my mouth. Edward walks us backward while he unbuttons my jeans and pulls away to yank them down around my ankles.

"Fuck!" I fall back against the couch, while Edward pulls off my shoes, and throws them across the room. "Where's the fucking fire?"

Edward chuckles at me as he pulls my pants and underwear off. He ducks under my leg, and licks his lips as he stares at my exposed pussy. I grab the back of the couch for balance as he lowers his mouth over me, and I choke as his tongue slides inside me.

"Edward," I gasp, as my eyes roll back into my head, and he growls into me. "Fuck, if you keep doing that..."

I can't say anymore, I'm too close to coming in his mouth. His bright green eyes are gazing up at me, as his lips move over my clit and his fingers slowly fuck me, forcing me to pant and squirm. The sensations make me groan and shake while he lifts my legs off the floor. I grip the couch to keep from falling backward as my feet settle on his shoulders, and my legs slide further apart.

"I'm so fucking close," I moan, closing my eyes and trying to catch my breath.

Suddenly, I feel cool air hit my pussy, and I look down between my legs. Edward's looking straight at me.

"Keep your eyes open," he commands in a low voice, and his breath dances over my sore clit, making me shudder.

Then he puckers his lips and fucking blows on me. It's like he just jump-started my pussy with a lightning rod. My ass lifts off the back of the couch as I cry out, and I see spots, but I never break eye contact with him, not for a second.

Edward growls, and sucks my clit into his mouth as he slides his fingers back into me. The itching starts to spread like a fire through my pelvis, and I can't stop my hips from moving in time with his fingers pumping into me. He is still breathing on me, while his tongue strokes my clit and I have to bite my lip hard to keep from closing my eyes. His fingers swivel and curl inside me, just as I taste blood. Edward moans into my pussy and I can't stop the scream that tears out of me as I come.

"FUCK!" I gasp, as Edward stands up and wipes his wet mouth with his arm.

"Mm, great idea," he says, his voice is rough and sexy as fucking hell.

He positions himself between my trembling legs, as he dig in his pocket, and pulls out a condom.

"Are you kidding?" I laugh, feeling light headed, and suddenly start to fall backward. "Bah!"

Edward grabs my legs and hauls me back, wrapping them around his waist. I slide my arms around his neck to hold myself in place. I'm still shaking, and clenching, but he is like a man on a mission. He unzips his pants and I see why. His dick is practically purple and his foreskin is totally pulled back.

I never thought I'd get used to the look of his cock, much less be this intensely turned on by seeing it. The head is practically shining, as Edward grips it in his fist, and moves his hand up the shaft a little in a pumping motion. I don't know if he realizes what he did, but the sight of him stroking himself hits me hits me so hard it forces me to shiver involuntarily.

"Hurry up," I hiss, digging my nails into his neck and he groans.

While Edward struggles to put the condom on, his hair falls into his eyes and he flips his head to the side. I reach up my hand and comb his hair back with my fingers, enjoying how silky it feels between my fingers. He finishes rolling on the condom, and holds his dick against me as he grabs my thigh with his free hand. Suddenly, the room feels too small, as his thumb rubs small circles on the inside of my thigh, and he makes the sexiest humming sound. A shaky sigh slips past my lips, and he raises his eyes to look at me as one corner of his mouth lifts up in a smirk.

"Hey," he says, breathlessly as his eyes sparkle in the dying sunlight streaming through the windows.

"Hi," I reply, stunned and a little lost.

I can feel everything, his breath brushing my face, the head of his dick light grazing my clit as he breathes, and his hand griping my thigh. I'm trying to blink, but I can't stop staring at him, and I'm certain that I'm going to pass out. Edward's eyes wrinkle at the corners, and I realize it's because he's smiling again. He leans forward, brushing his lips against mine, and suddenly I can breathe again.

"I missed you," he whispers against my mouth and I groan a little.

The kiss is soft and slow, like he has all the time in the world, and he is planning to use it. He tastes my bottom lip, and then my top. His tongue curling around mine to massage it in exactly the way he used it on my clit, making me quiver. He growls in response, and pushes into me in one long, slow thrust. I almost cry at how good it feels. I've missed this too.

He glides the rest of the way in, and I gasp around his tongue. This is right, the feeling of him inside me makes everything else fade away. I want this, no, need it so much that I'm clinging to him. He stays inside me, not moving, but still kissing me, and making those low growling sounds in the back of his throat. I could come just listening to how he sounds when he fucks me.

"Leah," he breathes out over my mouth, as he slowly pulls out and starts to kiss a path along my chin.

As he is nearly all the way out of me, he stops, and playfully nips at the skin along my collarbone. His hair tickles my lips, and I sigh as I lean back. He grips my hips and slams himself back inside me so hard my ass gets friction burns from the rough upholstery.

"SHIT!" I yelp, as he moves again, pulling out faster, and slamming back into me.

As he rocks me again, he bottoms out, and that's all I need. My orgasm explodes over me, making me shake and stutter as I try to tell him I'm coming. Edward seems to already know, moving at frantic pace, thrusting into me like he is trying to catch up. I feel another wave of fire flare to life before I even have a chance to recover from my first orgasm, just as Edward thrusts into me one more time, and then freezes. I can feel him shudder, as his dick pulses inside me and my eyes fix on his face.

His eyes are still open, and he is looking at me with that damn smile on his beautiful mouth. Panic wars with pleasure, making me dizzy and close to tears. I kiss him, wanting an excuse to close my eyes and forget about how much that smile scares me.

* * *

"Alec," Carl whispers right next to my face, and I'm thankful that he remembered to brush his teeth tonight. "You ready?"

"Yeah," I reply, sliding out of my bed, as he pushes a hard plastic card into my hand.

"Remember, go in the door by the recycle dumpster," he repeats the instructions as he throws his uniform jacket over my shoulders, and I struggle to put my arms through the sleeves. "You shouldn't run into anyone, but if you do…"

"I should tell them I'm taking her back to the lobby," I sigh, and crawl toward our door. "I've got it. Thanks again, man."

"No problem," he whispers a little louder than I would like, and gives me thumbs up. "Good luck!"

I nod, and carefully open the door, to peer down the hallway.

"Don't scream," Jane says, right in my face, and catches the door as it slips from my grasp.

"Jesus, Jane!" I hiss, as she smiles and slips something in my pocket.

"Time for you to become a man," she laughs softly, grabbing to front of my shirt and pulls me down the empty hallway. "Margie is downstairs with Felix. He should be able to keep her busy while you guys slip out the back."

"Cool," I grunt, as I stumble after her, and spot Lauren waiting near the exit.

My mouth goes dry, and my palms start to sweat. She's smiling as her dark brown eyes fix on mine and I suddenly feel breathless.

"You really owe him. He ate the whole block of cheddar. I've never seen him in that much pain and the smell coming out of his ass nearly made me puke," Jane says, shaking my arm, and I realize that I'm still staring at Lauren. "Oh, never mind. You two better get out of here before Felix runs out of gas."

We sneak downstairs to the kitchen and slip out through the service entrance. I can't tell which is making me more excited, the possibility of getting caught or the feel of Lauren's hand in mine. I remembered the first time I met her, she'd finally gotten released from the nurse's office and Jane wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Edward and Heidi had been arguing for a several days over this girl. The rumor was that he had kidnapped her, but I didn't believe it. Edward would never break the law, unless it was the right thing to do.

Lauren had been sitting at a corner table by herself, stabbing a piece of Apple pie with her plastic fork. Jane sat down in front of her, and pulled Lauren's plate over.

_"You don't mind, do you? It's my favorite," Jane said as she stuck her fingers into the pie and mashed it into the plate._

_I stood behind her nervously, too afraid to draw attention to myself._

_"No big," Lauren replied with a shrug, and flipped the bottom of the plate up to fall into Jane's lap. "Enjoy."_

_I chuckled as Jane struggled to get the pie off of her jeans while Lauren stood up and walked around the table. I felt the soft touch of her fingers on the back of my hand and I looked up to see her smile at me as she walked away._

Now, I am holding her hand as we walk between the shadowy offices buildings of downtown, heading toward Benaroya Hall. We come to a stop at the intersection of 2nd and Union. I steal a glance at Lauren as we wait for the light to change. She's smiling as she looks up at the buildings all around us, her hand gripping mine tightly. I don't know if it was the night air, the fact that she was really with me or if I was just high from too many puffs on my inhaler, but I suddenly feel brave.

"You look really nice," I say, gently brushing a few stray hairs that are dancing in front of her nose.

Lauren flinches away, and I quickly pull back my hand. We stand there for a minute and I feel stupid.

"Light," she chirps, and pulls me across the street.

We make it to the service entrance, and I try to readjust the oversized jacket to look more official as I pull out the key card. I wave the card in front of the reader and see the light turn green and I pull the door open.

"We're in," I whisper, as Lauren giggles.

* * *

"Your mom called while you were in the bathroom," Michele says, while I'm try to take a hit from her bright green glass bong, and I sputter, splashing my face with the stinking water. "Bella!"

"Gah!" I gag, and nearly drop the bong as she reaches out to grab it. "Sorry."

"It's cool," she smiles, putting the bong on the coffee table and handing me a paper towel to wipe my face. "We're just going to have to head back to Gran's place in a couple of days."

"I suppose you're right," I sigh, wiping away the rest of the water, and jamming the crumpled paper towel into the Doritos bag that's sitting beside me. "I wish we could hang out longer."

"Me too, though I have to admit, I haven't smoked this much since high school," she snorts as she says it and I suddenly feel the urge to laugh too.

"Quick, eat these before I inhale the whole box," Michele says, flopping down beside me on the couch and handing me a box of chocolate covered almonds.

"I'm not going to fit into any of my clothes after this trip," I sigh, taking the box and shaking the rest of its contents into my mouth.

"Shit, I don't think my house will be the same after this," she laughs, as she stands up and starts to pick up the fast food bags from the floor. "I'll be lucky if I can find my floor. Hey, have you seen the cat?"

"No," I gasp, and start to look at the cluttered mess that we've reduced her apartment to. "Should we look for him?"

"Naw, he'll turn up eventually. So, now you have to tell me about Leah," she says, cramming the trash into the garbage can under her kitchen sink, and turns back to me. "Is she hot?"

I start to laugh and almost choke on the nuts in my mouth, then that thought makes me laugh even harder and have to look away to collect myself. I finally swallow and take a gulp of air before answering.

"Yes," I pant, and blush as it comes slipping out. "I mean, she's beautiful. She's got that whole exotic Native American thing with the dark skin and high cheekbones. I swear you could slice cheese with her cheekbones."

"Are we a little jealous?" Michele asks, offering a sip of her Big Gulp and I shake my head.

"No," I blurt out, and then wonder if I am. "It's not really like that. She's not conceited. In fact, whenever we're together she does nothing but talk about how beautiful I am, so she must be blind."

"Oh, really?" Michele raises one of her eyebrows and smiles around her straw. "So you've already got dibs?"

"No, it's nothing like that..." I say, wondering if Michele has a point.

After all, Leah does like girls and she does always tell me how pretty I am, though I never believe it. I love being with Leah. I feel at home and sane when she's around. Last time she visited we did talk about how we would have beautiful babies, but that was just a joke. _I think._

"How long have you guys known each other?" Michele slurps the last of her soda through her straw, and surprises herself with a loud burp. "Sorry."

"That's okay," I laugh, and lean back to against the couch. "I don't know, for forever, it seems."

I stared at the ceiling and thought about the first time I met Leah.

_It was during my first time visiting La Push since my parent's divorce. We used to visit all the time when I was real little, but this time it felt different. Mom brought me to visit Dad, and he took us to visit his friend Billy Black. Mom told me that Uncle Billy's wife had died, and that he was very sad. She said that we came to try to help him out, and that I should be polite to everyone._

_When we arrived, they sent me to play with Rebecca and Rachel. I had played with them before, and I didn't like them. They were older and kind of mean. They would only let me play with their old Barbies, the ones that had no hair and no clothes. This time, I ended up sitting in their room and watching them use their little brother, Jake, like a doll. They braided his hair and put him in one of their dresses, while he struggled to get away from them. He was too small to fight them off, and they ignored his cries for his mother._

_I tried to tell them to stop, explaining that he didn't like it, but Rebecca told me to shut up. I was scared of her, so I went to get my dad, but stopped when I saw a tall girl standing in the doorway. She was making a sour face, like she was sucking on a lemon. It was their cousin, Leah. She pushed past me, and went right for Rebecca, who was putting ribbons in Jake's hair._

_Leah didn't say a word. She just shoved Rebecca onto the floor and raised a fist toward Rachel, who ran screaming out of the room. I watched in fear as she took the dress off of Jake and gently pulled the ribbons out of his hair. She lifted him into her arms, and walked over to me. She held out her hand to me, and I took it. She led me back down the stairs to the kitchen, where a tall woman that looked a lot like Leah greeted us, and offered me a cookie. Leah handed over Jake and told her mother what had happened._

_"You must be the little Duckling?" Leah's mother said with a warm smile that made me feel better._

_"Um, no...I'm Bella," I said, and Leah's mother shook her head._

_"I know, dear," she laughed, and led me over to a small table, where Leah was already sitting. "When we were children, your father was nicknamed Ugly Duckling, but you're so pretty. I think we should call you Duckie. What do you think, babygirl?"_

_"Sounds Duckie," Leah replied, handing me a chocolate chip cookie._

"Bella," Michele says, snapping her fingers in front of my face and I jump a little.

"Sorry," I stutter, and shake myself. "I think I need to stop smoking for a bit."

"Sounds good, though I'm still hungry as hell," Michele replies, jumping up from the couch and heading into the kitchen. "Do you like tacos?"

"Does the Pope shit in the woods?" I reply with a snort and Michele starts howling with laughter.

* * *

"Alec!" Lauren gasps, as I stop in the corridor and she runs into my back.

Her breath brushes against my ear, making goose bump spread across my neck as I grip the door handle for stability.

"We're here," I whisper, as I pull open the door for Lauren and she slips into the small room.

I quickly close the door behind us and then hit the light switch.

"Where are we?" She blinks as her eyes adjust to the light and looks around the small closet.

"It's a storage closet that they use for sound equipment," I explain, peeling off the heavy security jacket and tucking it into a cubby near the door. "Carl says that they don't use it that often and that no one ever comes down this way during performances."

"Cool," she says, leaning awkwardly against the wall in front of me, and I suddenly realize that we're alone. Like, _really_ alone together for the first time, _ever_.

I slide my hands into my pants pockets and feel a lump.

"Oh, yeah," I squeak, pulling the small baggie out of my pocket that Jane must have slipped in at the shelter. "Jane said that you'd need this."

I hand over the bag that holds a small blue pill, and Lauren looks relieved as she takes it from me.

"Yes," she sighs, opening the bag, drops the pill into her mouth, and swallows.

"Better?" I watch her close her eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. I wonder if she had to be high to be alone with me.

"Relax. It's Xanax," she says, as I feel her touch my chin, and I realize I was frowning. "I just didn't want to have an attack while we were...you know."

I watch her dark skin flush, and I realize that she is still touching my face.

"Oh," I blurt, like a dumbass, and gently wrap my hand around her wrist. "That's...good."

She lowers her hand, but I hold onto her, and am relieved when she doesn't pull away. As we stand there, I slowly slide my hand down her wrist and just like, that we're holding hands again. Her fingers intertwine with mine and despite the difference in skin tones, I can't tell where her fingers end and mine begin.

Her hair is dark and shiny in the bright light coming from overhead. I want to touch it, but I know she hates it when people touch her hair. She punched Carl in the throat for doing it, and he was just trying to pull a leaf out of her hair.

"You look really nice," I whisper, gently touching her chin, and stare at her full, deep red lips.

Her hand immediately pushes mine away, to cover the pale crescent shaped scar just below her bottom lip. I always forget it's there. She pulls her hand from mine.

"You don't have to say that," she says, turning her back to me as she begins to unbutton her jeans. "We should hurry, before someone catches us."

She kicks off her shoes, and has her jeans half way down her legs as my stomach ties itself in knots. This feels wrong. I mean, that is why we are here, but it still feels wrong. Lauren told Jane that she wanted to help me out with my...problem. In other words, I don't want to die a virgin.

"Did you bring a condom?" Lauren asks as she steps out of her jeans and I start to panic.

"I...uh..." I sputter, as I try to figure out how to slow this down, before it goes all wrong.

"That's fine, I brought some," her voice sounds flat and dead as she leans down to pull the condoms out of the back pocket of her jeans. "We can use two to desensitize you. To help you last longer."

She walks over and grabs the front of my jeans. I suddenly remember how to talk.

"WAIT!" I put my hands on her wrists, and gently pull them away as she frowns at me

"What's wrong?" She crosses her arms over her chest, and I want to crawl under a rock to die.

How did I fuck this all up? I just wanted...I don't know. I like her.

"It's just..." I hesitate.

I don't know what to say. She was just smiling, and we were holding hands. It was perfect like I was hoping it would be, but then the whole sex thing fucked it up. Now she looks hurt and angry, and somehow I made her feel like that. I wish I could take this all back, just so I could see her smile again.

"You don't have to say it. I...I understand," she says, walking away from me, as she stares at the ground and pulls on her jeans.

She looks like she's going to cry. I am an asshole.

"No, please wait," I plead, walking over to her and touch her arm.

"Don't touch me!" She snaps, yanking her arm away and gives me a hard stare.

I don't like this look; it's the one she gives the other boys at the shelter when she overhears them whisper about her. I try to ignore the stories they told about the things she has supposedly done. I don't care. I like that she reads books and likes animals.

When we went to the Woodland Park Zoo, she watched the gray wolves with me. The Zoo guide told us that they rarely came out during the day, but I wanted to see them. They were the reason I came on the trip. While everyone was running around looking at the cougars and elephants, we stood there for a half an hour, not talking, just waiting. Finally, the Alpha male walked out of the den and lay in the sun.

I was so excited that I had wanted to jump and shout, but I was self conscious, knowing she was there. I just turned and leaned my back against the fence. Lauren was smiling at me. It was the first time I'd ever seen her smile and it made me feel faint. Well, my heart rate was really up, and I hadn't eaten much, so it was more likely that was the reason that I passed out. Still, she has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.

"You should have just told me you didn't want to," she hisses, her bottom lip is trembling and I try to figure out what to say.

I want to do this right, but I'm just a fucking kid. I don't know how to talk to girls. This is the most I've ever talked to a girl who wasn't my sister. I wrack my brain and suddenly remember something that Edward said while he was trying to teach me how to play piano. He said: "It isn't about the notes or words. It's about passion. You can't half ass it, Alec. You have to be honest or it will never sound right."

"Lauren...I..." I stutter as my hands shake while I struggle to pry the ring off my pinky.

It's dented, cheap silver with four pieces of turquoise set into the top to make a peace symbol. It's stupid, and a little ugly, but it's all I have.

"What is that?" Lauren points at the ring that I'm holding in my hand, and my throat goes dry.

She looks up at me, her eyebrows crease and I can't tell if she is angry or confused.

"I...I like you," I sigh, relieved that I'm finally able to say it.

I look her in the eyes, trying to will her to understand as I place the ring into the palm of her hand. She looks at it, and them back at me.

"You really do, don't you?" Her smile is back as she walks closer to me, and presses her hand to the side of my face.

"Yes," I swallow hard, but manage to smile back as my heart thunders in my ear.

The room starts to spin a little, and I fall more than sit down.

"Alec!" She's right there with me, her hands on my face, and I just want to smile more.

"It's okay," I say, putting my hands over hers and letting out a long slow breath. "I think that we shouldn't push it, though. I mean, you're beautiful and I really want to."

I stop, because her face is so close that I forgot what I was trying to say.

"What do you want to do?" She asks, shifting to sit next to me, and right on cue, the music starts to rise up around us. "What the..."

"They're just tuning up for the show," I sigh, relaxing against the wall, and sliding my arm around her shoulder. "Let's just sit here and listen to the music. Would that be okay?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess," she says, leaning her head against my shoulder and I finally feel like I've done something right.


	16. The Voice of Reason

"You know, in some countries people shake hands to say _hello_ ," Leah grumbles, rubbing her hand over her bare ass.

Light red marks are spread across her smooth light caramel-colored skin, where her ass had rubbed against the thick upholstery on the top of the couch. They aren't deep, and will most likely should fade in a few hours. For some inexplicable reason that thought makes me sad.

"I said _hi_ ," I challenge, pulling my shirt off and tossing it over the back of the couch.

Leah's lips curl into a challenging smirk, and I pointedly ignore it.

"Off!" I command, grazing her hip with my fingertips as I tug on the bottom of her t-shirt.

She sighs, pulling the shirt from my grip, and lifting it over her head.

"That sounds awfully bossy, Cullen," she mumbles through the fabric, while I unfasten her bra, and slide my hands over her breasts.

"Are you complaining?" I ask, pinching her nipples, and she gasps. "I didn't think so."

"Fucker!" Leah growls, as she struggles out of her shirt and bra, and bats my hands away from her body. "Consider that a complaint."

She draws her eyebrows together and flattens her mouth into a straight line, and the residual static electricity from her shirt is making several strands of her hair are float above her head. She looks so beautiful, it is a struggle to suppress my smile, and I quickly lose the battle.

"Stop smirking at me," her voice is low and threatening, but I can't stop smiling.

"Stop looking so cute," I counter, leaning into her, and kiss the hollow below her cheekbone.

"I. Am. Not. Cute!" She is talking through her teeth, putting emphasis on each word, but her body tilts into mine.

"Yes. You. Are!" I chuckle softly against her ear, and pinch her nipples between my finger tips.

"NO!" She pushes me back, and places her hand on the center of my chest. "I'm NOT!"

"Yes!" I smirk at her, grabbing her wrist and pull her toward me. "You are!"

My hand moves before I realize I'm doing it, and I slap her ass. A satisfying crack echoes through the room as heat spreads across the palm of my hand.

"Edward!" Leah glares at me, her eyes are wide, and her face is bright red.

I've never seen her look like this before, and I start to worry that I may have misstepped, until I notice how the blush is spreading down her neck to her chest. Her breasts rise and fall as she breathes, and her nipples are so tight, they look almost sharp.

"You like it!" I exclaim, unable to suppress the laughter that erupts out of me, as her eyes grow impossibly wider.

"I do not!" She tries to pull away, but I pull her back to face me.

"Do too," I whisper, smoothing my hand over her stomach and between her legs.

I groan as I feel how wet she is, and slide my finger over her clit.

"Edward," she gasps, falling against my shoulder, and her teeth sink into my skin.

I groan, continuing to trace circles over her hard clit and decide to push her further. I turn her around and lay her over the back of the couch, taking in the sight of her still red ass cheek. As I smooth my hand over her skin, savoring the heat. Leah breathes out in a hiss, and for a second I imagine laying her across my lap so I cam feel her skin pressed against mine, and the thought makes me my cock twitch. I bring my hand down again, and feel the sharp sting of contact as my palm slaps her skin. The sound of the slap is quickly overtaken by Leah's gasp as she writhes.

"More?" I ask, suddenly aware that my heart is pounding and I'm breathing fast.

Leah doesn't respond. I can hear her breathing, too, her spine looks stiff, and her hands are gripping the top of the couch. I worry that I've crossed the line. I draw the tips of my fingers along her spine and lean down to kiss her cheek. She lets out another slow stuttered breath, and leans her face against mine.

"Yes," her voice is so soft I almost don't hear her whisper as it brushes past my lips, and now it is my turn to tremble.

I cover her mouth, kissing her, and trying to channel all my passion through the movements of my tongue. The need to be inside her is making me drunk and dizzy with elation, but I force myself pull back. I can't rush things. I have never wanted this more than I do right now, with Leah, but I want to do this right.

I move in close, placing the palm of my hand beneath her chin, and press my fingertips to her cheek. I turn her face so I can watch her as I bring my hand down again. The contact sends sparks of heat and energy vibrating up my arm, and I watch her whole body shudder from the contact. Her eyes are closed, her lips slightly parted, but the only sound she makes a sharp exhale.

I've spanked a lot of women. I've always treated it like a game, or a test. To see how far I can push them. Sometimes, I'm impressed that they can take it, and sometimes I'm disappointed that they let me go that far when I know they don't like it. It's different with every woman. The one thing that they always do is make noise. Some yelp, or scream like a cat in heat; I've even had a girl laugh hysterically the whole time. Leah is different.

I bring down my hand again, and again. Her body stiffens, and her breath hitches with every strike, but she doesn't make a sound. She takes it, everything I have to give. I start to worry again, thinking that her silence is a sign of anger or fear. When I stop, her eyes open. A single tear slides down her cheek to my palm, and I feel something inside me crack.

I'm shaking as she stares at me, as terror surges through me. _What have I done?_ I start to pull back, and open my mouth to voice my apology, desperate to fix whatever I've just broken. Leah grasps my wrist with surprising strength, and I watch dumbly as her lips move. She still doesn't make a sound as her beautiful mouth forms the word: _more._

The intense desire to be inside her makes me close my eyes, and I take a deep breath. I press my free hand against her ass, and savor the warmth of her skin before I pull it back. I clench my jaw as I bring my hand down again.

Each stroke moves her body, lifting and shifting it over the rough fabric of the couch. I try to vary my aim, cover as much skin that I can, and periodically hesitate so that she can't anticipate the hit, but she remains silent. Her eyes are still open, watching me, and fluttering slightly with each strike. I'm close to coming just from watching her.

I finally stop again; my hand feels raw and hot. I slide my fingers into her with a sigh. I shudder as she pants and clenches around my fingers.

"Are you close?" I lick the underside of her earlobe, and hold it between my teeth.

She tastes salty and delicious, making me groan. I'm fighting with myself again, trying to maintain control. I want her, but I want to make her come, first.

"Yes," she gasps, as the tell tale tremble makes her body vibrate and I slide my other hand down from her chin to tighten around the base of her throat.

Part of me is concerned that I'm trying to push the limits again, that she is going to finally get fed up, but she doesn't. Her throat thrums against my palm as she growls, and my dick aches to be inside her. I glance down at her hands, they flexing and gripping the upholstery, but she doesn't move to stop me. She likes it. There's a freedom in that knowledge, which makes me bold.

"Good," I growl, gently tapping the inside of her ankle with my foot, and placing my hand on the base of her spine. "Spread your legs!"

I spin my fingers inside her, finding the right angle and start to move them in and out. I am rewarded with the sound of Leah moaning. Her body grips my fingers, and I'm overcome for a moment. I sink my teeth into the warm flesh of her ass, and groan when she starts to buck against my fingers.

"Mother FUCKER!" Leah screams, and pushes back on my fingers as I slide my tongue over her sensitive skin.

"Yes," I hiss as my tongue slips between the tense muscles of her ass.

"Don't stop!" She pleads, her voice high and breathy.

I continue to work her with my fingers and tongue, until she starts to scream. Her hips shift and press back against my face as she lets loose a string of words that I barely recognize as English, and I hear the unmistakable sound of fabric ripping.

I can't take it anymore. I practically roar as I slip my fingers from her and scramble to dig a condom from my pants pocket. She's still panting and trembling on the couch, which now has a huge hole in the upholstery where she tore it open. I laugh softly as I roll on the condom, and position myself behind her.

"Finally," she groans, as I press the head of my dick against her still hot pussy and push inside.

I wish I could take it slow, savor her body, but I need is to hear her scream again. All I can think about as I slam into her is how it's going to feel when she comes with my dick buried inside of her.

She grunts as she meets each of my thrusts with strength and hunger. Her hand reaches back to claw at my hips and drag me into her with even more urgency. I slide my hand up her spine to tangle my fingers into her hair, and close my hand into a fist. Leah laughs as I pull her head back and fuck her harder.

"Oh fuck...oh shit," she starts to sputter, and I feel my own climax spark to life just at the sound of her being close. "Harder!"

I gasp for breath, and quicken my pace. It feels like my heart is going to explode, and I'm getting light headed, but force myself to keep going, knowing that it is worth it. I yank hard on her hair, and dig my nails into her hip.

"Fuck!" She screams and clenches around me, and I lose control.

I start to come, thrusting clumsily into her as I yell, just as my phone starts to ring. It's an old style rotary phone ring tone. It means that it's an unknown number, and for a second I decide to ignore it. As it continues to ring, and my mind starts to regain its focus, it's still ringing and I slow my pace, and the thought occurs to me that it could be the hospital calling.

_Alec!_

I pull out of Leah and stumble over to my jacket.

"Are you fucking serious?" Leah yells, as I hit the button to answer my phone.

"This is Edward Cullen," I pant into the phone and hear a voice on the other end sigh heavily.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen," the man on the other end says in a bored tone. "I've got your brother here and he's in a lot of trouble."

"My brother?" I cough, as something hits my head, and I realize that Leah is tossing throw pillows at me. "I'm sorry, what are you talking about?"

"Yes, your _brother_ , Alec," the voice replies and feel my chest compress with fear. "He and his girlfriend broke into the Benaroya Hall."

My fear is quickly replaced with anger as I grind my teeth, and curl my fingers into a fist.

_I'm going to kill him._

* * *

"I don't know what they were doing, but there were condoms everywhere-" the security guard gave me a toothy grin as I shook my head and cut him off.

"I really don't need to know," I sigh, shaking my head and watching Leah talk to Alec.

She is reclining against the passenger side door as she talks with Alec, and Lauren. Leah leans forward to points at Alec's chest, and just as he looks down, she lifts it up to slap his nose. Alec immediately starts laughing, as does Leah, even Lauren smiles. They look perfectly at ease, like it is a normal Friday night and I didn't just save Alec from being thrown into jail for trespassing.

"I understand, but I still have to put something in my report," the security guard takes a deep breath and I return my attention to him, and reach into my pocket.

I pull a hundred dollar bill out of my wallet, I glance up and notice that Alec is blocking my view of Leah. He is waving his arms around wildly, and I can hear her laughter. I sigh, and am thankful that she can't see me as I push the money into the smirking security guard's hand.

"This should help with your report," I reply, and snatch my business card from his other hand.

He mumbles something, but I ignore it as I walk toward the car. Alec is breathing heavy, as Leah stifles her laughter and Lauren's eyes lower to the ground.

"We good to go?" Leah gives me a beautiful smirk that makes me want to smile back, but the sound of Alec's panting reminds me of why we're here, and I grit my teeth.

"Yes," it comes out in a curt tone, as I unlock the car and meet Alec's cautious gaze.

"Edward -" he tries to speak, but his face is flushed and his breathing is still a little labored.

"Just get in the car," I cut him off, and open my door. "We need to get you two back to the shelter."

* * *

Edward's girlfriend is cracking me up. She is leaning her head back to stare at me with her eyes crossed and I have to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. I've never met any of Edward's girlfriends, but I know that I never expected any of them to be as laid back as Leah. Lauren's covering her mouth too, trying to not giggle, as Leah slowly slides the tip of her finger into her nose. I finally have to take a hit off my inhaler to keep from choking.

Edward sighs loudly, and Leah rolls her eyes before lifting her head, and sitting up. I immediately feel stupid for laughing, especially when I've seriously fucked up. My stomach feels like it's twisting itself into knots as Edward tilts his head to the side, like he's trying to crack his neck. I mimic him, hoping that it will ease the painful tension in my neck, but it doesn't. I hate seeing him like this, and it's worse knowing that I caused it.

I remember when he gave me his card and told me that if I was ever in trouble, I should give it to whomever was in charge and tell them I was his brother. So, I did it, but now I wish I hadn't. I should have just let that jerk call the cops. Even if I were in jail, I wouldn't feel like an asshole. Edward has done so much for Jane and me. He doesn't need to be bribing some jerk security guard to keep me out of trouble.

Leah slides her hand to the back of his neck and toys with his hair. His shoulders lower a little, but I can still see his jaw flex as his eyes stay fixed on the road.

"It's going to be okay," Lauren whispers in my ear, as her warm hand covers mine, and I allow myself to relax just a little bit.

The car starts to slow down, and I see the dim lights of the shelter come into view through the windshield; I'm suddenly amped again.

"We're here," Edward announces, parking the car in front of the entrance and turning off the engine. "Let's get this over with."

His voice sounds so spooky, as he opens his door and climbs out of the car. This is it. I have completely fucked up, and there is nothing I can do to make it right with Edward. I want to cry, but I can't let Lauren see.

"You have five minutes, better make it good," Leah says, as she throws her own door open, and yells. "Wait up, Edward!"

Her door slams, and I can hear them talking in a muffled tone outside of the car. I wonder what she could possible say to make things right. I chew my lip and wonder if I should get out. Maybe there's something I could say, though I have no idea what it could be.

"Alec," Lauren's voice is quiet as she laughs, pressing her nose to my cheek and my heart rate jumps.

"Yeah?" I gulp, as her hands slide up my arm and touch my chin.

"Kiss me," she says, tilting her head to the side and I take another deep breath before pressing my lips to hers.

Suddenly, I don't care if Edward wants to kill me. I just want to keep kissing Lauren. _Forever_.

* * *

"I don't think you understand the situation," I sigh, and comb my fingers through my hair, tugging on the front, wishing that she would just drop this.

"It's not that fucking complicated, Edward," Leah says with a laugh, as she walks around the hood of the car, and I walk to meet her. "They're just a couple of kids looking to have fun. It's not the end of the world."

"They are not just a couple of kids," I exclaim, and immediately lower my voice not wanting to wake the other residents. "He has _serious_ medical issues and she...well...has her own special...it is complicated."

"Oh my, complicated you say? How will I ever wrap my teeny tiny brain around all that?" Her sarcastic tone stings, but not as much as hearing just how condescending I sound thrown back in my face.

"Don't mock me," I groan, wishing I could back out of this conversation, and stop the fight that has already started.

"Don't coddle me," she counters, shoving me and causing me to stumble back to sit down on the warm hood of the car.

I feel like an ass, and I'm not all too clear on why. My strength and conviction feels hollow and petty when she's challenging me. I struggle to find a way to argue my point, and my head starts to throb from the effort. I don't know how she's able to take my energy with that small action, but I feel tired and silly. I breathe out, gaze at the plain white exterior of the shelter, and wonder if I how much I should tell her.

"Lauren is...vulnerable," I try to muster the courage to explain without allowing myself to feel the pain that comes when I think about the horrors that Lauren has been through, and who subjected her to them. "I can't let anything bad happen to her."

It is the truth.

"Edward," Leah sighs, placing her hands on my shoulders, and I look up just as she smiles at me. "That girl is tougher than you realize. Sure, she's lived hard, anyone can see that, but she's also the kind of girl who is fully capable fighting off a boy like Alec. If she's with him, it's because she wants to be."

I stare at her as she talks, and wonder if she is right. Maybe I am overreacting. I'm just so worried about Alec and all the kids. There are so many of them, with so many problems, and I know that I can help. Tonight, it feels like I made a mistake, like I failed them.

Leah presses her lips to my forehead, and winds her arms around my neck. I press my face into her neck and take a deep breath. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer, savoring the warmth of her body. How does she do this? Everything feels _right_. All the stress and panic is gone.

"Since when did you become the voice of reason?" I ask, lifting my head to look into her dark eyes, and smile as she laughs.

"Oh shit! If I'm the voice of reason, we are totally fucked!" Leah and I laugh as the street lamp above us suddenly dies, plunging us into darkness.


	17. The Princess and the Wolf

**The Prince(ss) and the Wolf**

I cringe at the way the damp leaves squish under my bare feet. It feels like I'm walking on slugs. I slink between the thick trees, as my heartbeat drums in my ears. I duck under a low hanging branch, the sour, soggy smell of moss surrounding me as I step over a gnarled root rising up from the ground like a withered hand. A breeze picks up my hair as it bathes my body in its cool embrace, and my skin prickles. I turn to see a figure standing in the shadows.

"Why are you following me?" I yell, charging toward the stranger, but stop short when I see his brilliant white smile, and laughter suddenly fills the space around me.

"You're lost," he says, stepping forward into the light, and his skin glows an unearthly silver-white, like he is painted in starlight.

He is strange, yet beautiful. I am stunned, and terrified.

"What are you?" I take a step back, my back slamming against the rough bark of the tree behind me.

He continues to walk toward me, his smile growing wider.

"You do not know me?" His voice is beautiful, and he leans in to brush his lips against mine.

Electricity surges through me, making me shudder and moan. His hands grip my arms, pinning me against the tree as his mouth covers mine. Heat pours into me, as his sweet mouth and serpentine tongue fill me with longing. I want more, want to feel his body press along mine, but I know it's not right.

"No!" I push him back, and turn to run.

I let my legs carry me away and the forest becomes a blur, but the wind whispers in my ears, urging me to remember.

_You are Quileute. You are strong._

"I am not," I shake my head, tears flying from my cheeks, and I run faster.

The forest closes in on me, branches snag my hair, and roots grab at my feet. Something lashes my cheek, cutting through my skin, and I hiss at the sharp sting of pain. I cry out as I fight them off, but my hair is tangled, and I cannot escape. Cool hands brush my arm; I panic, and twist away. The ground slips under my feet, and I scream as I tumble to the forest floor. A metallic snap echoes through the air as searing pain shoots through my leg. My scream erupts from my throat, as I thrash against the sharp metal, but it only increases the pain.

He is there, cool hands touching my face, and I scramble backward.

"Don't touch me!" I snarl and spit at him.

His beauty hurts my eyes, and I have to turn away from the sight of him. I stifle my tears as my leg begins to ache from metal digging into my muscle. My heart pounds in my chest as I pant, struggling to breathe around the pain, as the cold metal cuts into my flesh like teeth.

"I just want to help you," his beautiful face is marred by a frown, and his cool touch returns to my face.

* * *

"Leah?" I whisper, touching her face to try to wake her up gently.

"No!" She snarls, rising up from the bed, hair thrashing as she turns around and hits me square in the jaw.

Pain makes me gasp as I throw myself back and promptly fall off the edge of my bed to land on the hardwood floor with a grunt. My head slams back into the leg of my desk. I take a few seconds to blink in the darkness, and get my bearings. My legs are still half on the mattress, and my arm is pinned under me at a weird angle. It hurts, but I don't think I broke it.

"Edward?" Leah's voice sounds confused and concerned.

"Here," I grunt, and try to sit up, pulling my legs down to the floor.

"Holy shit! Are you okay?" Her head appears above me, and the situation suddenly seems hilariously absurd.

"Yes," I reply, shaking my head, stifling my laughter as I roll on my hands and knees.

I stand up, a dull ache spreading through my head and back. The room is suddenly flooded with light and it stings my eyes.

"Why the fuck are you smiling?" Her voice is hard, as she pulls me even closer to the bright light.

"Because this is ridiculous. I'm fine," I laugh, rubbing my eyes, as she holds my face between her hands.

"It isn't funny," she sighs, pressing fingers along my jaw, and frowns. "Does this hurt?"

"I disagree," I reply, taking hold of her wrists and pull her hands away from my face. "Trying to gently wake you up from a nightmare and nearly getting my head taken off for my trouble is pretty funny."

"How do you know it was a nightmare?" She asks, yanking her hands back, and turns her face away from me.

Her silky hair slides across her face, and I feel the familiar tightening sensation in my chest. I shouldn't have told her. She turns her back to me, and I panic.

"Don't," I plead, lunging across the bed to grab her arm and pull her backward.

"Get off me," she hisses, fighting me weakly and trying to roll away, but I hold her tight.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, pressing my lips to her neck, and moving to straddle her body. "Please don't."

Leah turns her head to look at me, and I wrap my hands around her face, holding her to me. Her skin is warm as she breathes against my cheek.

"What do you want?" She sighs heavily, and shifting underneath me.

I rise up, and look down at her beautiful face. The smooth dark skin stretched over her sharp cheekbones gives her the look of an ethereal creature. She is so beyond the beauty of any woman I've ever seen, that sometimes, I can't believe that she is real. She looks like she just stepped out of the pages of a fairy tale. Her eyes are dark sparkle in the early morning light of pre-dawn trickling through the window, as her mouth quivers slightly. I suddenly remember the strangled sound of her voice as she cried out and woke me up.

_Don't touch me!_

Panic accompanies the memory of the sound of her fear. I swallow, trying to push down the dread that overwhelms me as my mind conjures a million different causes of that fear; I know asking will be only drive her away. All I can focus on, right now, is taking away that look in her eyes.

"Stay here, with me," I speak softly, leaning down to press my forehead to hers and I hear her breath hitch. "Please."

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath, and try to will her to relent. Tense and trembling, I wait for her answer. I am unable to release the breath I've taken, until I know for sure that she won't go. My body begins to strain with the need to breathe, but I force myself to hold still and give her time. I know I can wait for as long as it takes.

"Okay," she sighs, breathing out slowly.

I let my own breath rush out as the tension leaves her body. I lean up on my elbows to look at her face and smile. She stares at me for a second, and hooks her hands around the back of my neck to pull me down to her mouth. The kiss is vicious, and a little painful, but that only serves to harden me in a second. Her need and strength never fail to arouse me.

I shift between her legs, and raise myself to grab a condom from the nightstand. The package is slippery and I fumble as I try to tear it open. I'm shaking with desire and exhaustion, but I manage to free the condom from its wrapper. My breath is labored as I roll it down over my dick and Leah drags her nails down my stomach to my thighs.

I growl as I slide my hands beneath her thighs, pushing them toward her chest, and press myself against her. Leah claws at my shoulders, presses her mouth to my nipple and captures it between her teeth.

"Fuck," I groan, as she flicks her tongue over my nipple, and I push into her with one thrust.

"Yes!" She releases my raw skin to cry out, and I savor the sound of her raw, savage moans.

* * *

**_Nine years ago._ **

I blackmailed Paul into taking me to the party in Port Angeles. He argued with me for an hour behind the school, but there was no way he could get out of it. Jacob had discovered his pot stash in the rusted out VW Rabbit sitting in the South end of Auntie Ruth's property. The boys were always hanging out there to get high or drunk. Usually, I didn't care, but that night I had a mission and Paul was a key part of my plan.

I already told Dad that I would be sleeping over with Rachel and Rebecca. They wouldn't care if I snuck out, since they did it most nights, anyway. All that was left was for Paul to agree to meet me a mile from Uncle Billy's house, and take me to the party. After he groaned and whined about how much trouble he would be in if we got caught, he finally agreed.

Sam Uley had been easy enough to spot in his leather jacket, a standard issue big boobed blonde dangling from his arm. They were standing next to the bonfire, and drinking from red plastic cups. Jared was standing with him, trying desperately to look as cool as Sam, and failing miserably. Paul abandoned me to walk up and greet Sam, while I hung back and watched them.

Sam nodded at Paul, but I noticed his eyes flicker to me. I couldn't tell what he thought of my being there, because Jared blocked my view as he gave Paul a high-five. They laughed and turned to toward Sam, who reached into his jacket to pull out a baggie. He tossed it to Paul, who howled like a dog as he caught it. Everyone pretended to like Sam, but I knew that none of them actually liked did. It made my stomach turn. Paul called Sam a psycho behind his back, and I knew that the only reason that Jared hung with Sam was because he was afraid of him. They were just greedy, drug-hungry cowards.

Paul lit a glass pipe, taking a long pull off the stem before passing it to Sam, who just shook his head and continued to stare at me. I smiled, and gave him a wave. His jaw seemed to tense more, but I decided that I would approach him. He was the reason I was here. I needed to talk to him. I was the only one that could.

"Hey," I said, shoving my hands into my pockets, and trying to make my shoulders relax.

"It's past curfew," Sam said, taking a drink from his cup, and handing it to Jared, who immediately went to refill it.

"I snuck out," I replied, like an idiot.

"I guessed," he said, smiling at the blonde girl's breasts and pulling her into him. "You come to run with the big dogs tonight, Clearwater?"

His voice changed, as he stared down at me with a challenging smirk, while his skank kissed his neck.

"I want...need to talk to you," I said, trying to stand up a little taller, and met his gaze.

I was tall for my age, and when I stood upright, I was a few inches taller than Sam. He didn't like that; I could tell by the way the corner of his lip curled.

"I don't have time for this high school shit," he snarled, grabbing the blonde's head and jamming his tongue into her mouth.

I stood there like an idiot while he tongue wrestled with his girlfriend. Paul and Jared stood by making crude comments. I came here to help him. I knew that I was the only person who really knew or cared for Sam. Ever since that kiss after my mother's funeral, I watched and listened for any scrap of information about Sam. Nothing I heard or saw was good, but occasionally at a community dance, or one of Uncle Billy's big barbeques, Sam would appear beside me.

It always happened when I was alone, and usually thinking about my mother. Like magic, Sam would appear next to me, sometimes drunk. He always tried to make me smile, or would remind me that my mother didn't like people to dwell on bad stuff. Every time, he called me Princess, but he never tried to kiss me again. The Sam that I saw in those moments was different from the Sam everyone else saw. That was the Sam that I was here to talk to...to save.

His dark eyes stared at me over the golden hair of the girl he was kissing, but I just met his gaze, and didn't move. After another couple of seconds of wet sounds he pushed her away, and stepped up to me. I felt his boot hit the toes of my sneakers, but I didn't back down.

"You need to get out of here," he whispered, his voice was softer, and I recognized it as the tone he normally used when we were alone.

"I need to talk to you," I replied, reaching out to touch his hand.

"Paul," he yelled, yanking his hand away, and turning around. "Take her home, now!"

"Shit!" Paul began to argue, but he quickly crumpled under the weight of Sam's glare, and grabbed my arm. "All right, let's go."

"No!" I hissed, pulling free, and falling backward into someone, hard.

"Back the fuck off, little girl!" Some guy yelled at me, as his meaty hand pushed me even more off balance and I stumbled back a few steps.

"Go screw yourself!" I said, pushing him back, though he didn't move much, and his eyes flared with anger.

He looked ridiculous, with his baseball cap turned sideways, oversized _Thug Life_ t-shirt, and baggy jeans that hung off his butt. He looked ridiculous, like the lead singer of Limp Bizkit. Paul called guys like this "Wanna-bes." He said that they wanted to be as cool as the Black rappers, and always tried to call him their "Red brother." When I asked why he hung out with them, he shrugged and said they had the best pot.

"What fuck did you just say to me?" He had a weird accent; it sounded like he watched Boyz in the Hood too many times.

"You heard me Wanna be -" that was as far as I got.

He moved so fast I didn't have time to dodge his hand. The next thing I knew pain shoot through the side of my face as I tumbling back into the keg, and then falling onto the soft sand. The left side of my face throbbed, and my eye felt like it was going to explode, but my anger won out over the pain. I fought back my tears as I struggled to stand up. My face hurt so bad, and my eyes were blurry, but I wasn't about to back down now.

"Bitch, you better sit the fuck down before I fuck you up for real," the jerk spit in my face, and stepped closer to me.

I was about to rattle off another smart comment, when Sam stepped in front of me, and reached his arm back to touch my mine.

"Back off, Mal," Sam's voice was low, and something about it made me shiver.

"Did you hear what that bitch said to me?" Mal argued, but I could see the fear in his eyes, as Sam's shoulders rose a little higher.

"Do not touch or talk like that to this girl, EVER! Do you understand?" Sam stepped into his face, and I saw the guy's eyes get wider.

"Who the fuck is she?" Mal said, stepping closer to Sam, which was a big mistake.

"All you need to know is she's with me," Sam snarled, and I heard a sharp clicking sound. "If you ever disrespect her again, I'll cut off your fucking balls and feed them to your girlfriend. Got me?"

Several people gasped and stepped back as Sam pressed the barrel of his handgun to the bottom of Mal's chin. I immediately grabbed Sam's arm, and tugged at him.

"We should go," I whispered, and Sam nodded, but kept his gun pointed at Mal as we backed away from the group.

Once we were in Sam's car, and safely speeding away from the party, I was finally able to breathe.

"What were you thinking?" Sam yelled, as we drove down the highway headed back to La Push.

"He yelled at me, and slapped me!" I argued, crossing my arms, and ignoring the guilt that was bubbling up in my chest.

He was taking me home, and I shouldn't be picking a fight. I had things I needed to say, but I was still a little shocked about Sam pulling a gun at the party, and I was pissed at him, too. He didn't need to be mean to me. He could have just listened to me, instead of making out with that tramp.

"You don't belong at parties like that," He was starting to swerve a little and I got scared.

"It's a free country. I can go wherever the hell I want!" I pointed out the windshield, and scowled at him. "Watch the road!"

He yanked hard on the steering wheel, and I tried to brace myself against to the door as we came to a screeching stop on the shoulder of the highway.

"Do you know what happens to girls like you at parties like that?" He growled, looking more worried than angry, which confused me.

"I'm not stupid. I know. Of course I know," I replied, crossing my arms, and scooting down in my seat.

I didn't really know, but throbbing pain in the side of my face gave me a good idea.

"Then why were you there?" He was staring at the steering wheel, and I took a deep breath before I answered.

I stared back at him, reminding myself that I was here to help him, and it helped me calm down.

"I just wanted to tell you…" I hesitated, trying to figure out the right way to put it. I sucked in my bottom lip before finally just saying the first thing that came to my mind. "It doesn't have to be like this, Sam."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Sam's voice was low, and he was giving me that scary look he gave everyone.

"You don't scare me," I replied, looking him in the eyes, without flinching. "I don't care how bad you think you are; it's not true."

I saw his face change just a little, almost like he had something in his mouth, and he couldn't figure out if he liked or hated the taste of it. Then he suddenly sat back in his seat, and crossed his arms.

"Do you know who my father is...what he did?" His bottom lip trembled as he spoke, and I felt my stomach twist in knots.

"Yes," I spoke softly, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath.

I had been helping Uncle Charlie at the precinct, filing papers and making copies. I loved spending time with him, and the money helped me save for a car. If I was honest with myself, I knew the real reason why I had taken that job. I wanted to find out more about Sam. Two days ago, I'd been alone in the file room, and dug through it to find information on Sam. The files were old, and it turned out all the new records were computerized, but I did find a file on Joshua Uley.

Several words stood out to me, like _Vehicular Homicide, Driving While Intoxicated,_ as well as two familiar names: William Abraham Black and Sarah Louise Black. Sam Uley's father had been the drunk driver that paralyzed my uncle and killed my aunt.

A huge semi went screaming past us, its horn blaring so loud it made my ears hurt. The whole car rocked, but I wasn't scared. I didn't even care. Sam Uley was looking at me, his dark angry eyes burning into me.

"Then how can you even stand to be around me?" His voice cracked as his eyes glittered with unshed tears.

"It was his mistake, Sam. Not yours," I said, reaching out to touch his arm, but he caught my wrist in his hand.

"I've done worse," he spoke softly, dropping my wrist and returned his gaze to the windshield. "So much worse."

"It doesn't have to be like that," I argued, leaning over the emergency break; my hands itched to touch him again. "You can change. I can help you."

"You?" He laughed, a bitter sound, and gave me his same condescending smile. "You're just a kid, Princess."

"I'm not a kid! I'm sixteen and I'm not a fucking princess!" I yelled, and tried to slap him.

He caught my hand, and pulled me onto his lap. I yelped, and squirmed, but finally ended up straddling his legs. My face was just inches from his, my palms were pressed against his warm chest. For four years I had dreamed about being this close to him again, but now I couldn't do anything but tremble.

"Sixteen, eh?" Sam pressed his lips against mine for a brief second and then pulled back. "You still look like a scared little girl to me."

I wanted to punch him, but instead I leaned forward and kissed him as hard as I could. My lips felt bruised, and he started to moan as his mouth opened beneath mine. I let out my own surprised moan, as he shifted beneath me, and pressed himself between my legs. I pulled back from his mouth, panting and flushed.

"I'm not one your slutty girlfriends," I tried to sound tough, but it came out in a breathy whisper.

"But you are my girl," he countered, leaning forward to try to kiss me again.

"Only if you let me help you," I said, pressing my palm to his chest, and watching his expression shift from relaxed to amused.

"Deal," his voice was strained, the sound made me feel hot and achy as I leaned into kiss him.

* * *

"What are you doing there today?" I can hear Edward's voice in the other room, as the rich, enticing scent of coffee tickles my nose.

I stretch, and blink, taking in my surroundings. Edward's room seems smaller than I remembered. One wall is painted a deep red, which makes me think of cheesy Chinese restaurant décor. Sunlight is streaming through his window, and it's hitting a little piece of glass that's hanging from the curtain rod. I lean up to get a closer look at it, when the door swings open.

"I think we should arrange for Dr. Klein to come in and talk to Lauren, just to be safe," Edward speaks into his cell phone, as he walks into the room with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.

His bare chest takes on a warm glow from the sunlight streaming through the window. I lick my lips at the sight of his hipbone jutting out above the waistband of his low slung jeans. He smirks at me as he walks over to hand me the cup, with a wink. I try to give him a sour look, but my mouth cramps, and I end up grinning despite myself.

"No, I don't think anything really happened, but I just want to make sure she feels okay," he continues to talk, pulling a small rubber disk from his pocket and sets it down on the nightstand next to me.

He gently grazes my arm with his finger tips, sending shivers through me as my skin prickles. I would pull away, but I'm busy staring at the thing he set down on the table. It's embossed with a stylized lion and has some latin words encircling the edge. I wonder it it's some weird family crest, but I can't figure out why they would make it in rubber, much less why Edward brought it to me.

"Yes, I guess it can wait till Monday," he sighs heavily and taps me on the shoulder.

I look up to see his annoying smirk, and frown as he plucks the cup from my hand and sets it down on the disk.

"We need to keep an eye out...I'm not saying you don't know what you're doing." he complains into the phone, leaning down to kiss my forehead. I try to ignore the way it makes me giddy, instead of pissed.

"I know, and I called the plumber an hour ago. He'll be there any minute now," he sighs, combing his fingers through his hair and somehow looks sexier with his hair standing on end.

I laugh, remembering the disaster that greeted us at the shelter last night. The night manager, Margie, was in hysterics over a couple inches of water on the floor. Apparently, one of the kids had explosive diarrhea and clogged up one of the shitters with crap and ass-paper. Edward was playing the hero, trying to calm her down, while I went into the boy's bathroom and turned off the water for the overflowing toilet. No big, though having my shoes and the bottom of my jeans submerged in poop-water wasn't my idea of fun; Edward did give me a pussy-melting kiss afterwards, as a reward.

"May I remind you that you're not even supposed to be there today," Edward chuckles, as he turns toward the door, and I lean forward to slap his ass.

Edward stops to glance back at me. He has a brilliant smile on his face, and it sends a shock right to my pussy. I wonder how mad he would be if I tackled and fucked him stupid while Heidi listened. I let the sheet fall away as I lean back against his headboard, carefully parting my legs so he can get a peek. He raises one dark eyebrow as he holds up his hand and mouths: _five minutes._ I smirk, shaking my head.

"Take as long as you need," I whisper, and give him a wink of my own.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Edward shakes himself slightly, and gives me a warning look. "Oh, yes. I forgot. Go to my desk. I think I left them in the left desk drawer."

He chews his lips as he continues to give Heidi directions, and I start to feel bad about teasing him while he's trying to get some work done. Okay, I don't really feel bad, because I'm enjoying how sexy that pensive expression looks on him. I shake my head, crawling over to him, and rise up on my knees.

His eyes fix on mine as I lean forward to place a breathy kiss on the soft hairs just below his bellybutton. Edward closes his eyes as his hand threads through my hair, but I push him away, and his eyes snap open.

"I'm not going anywhere," I say, smiling up at him, and try to ignore how my chest feels tight when he returns the smile, nearly blinding me.

"Go, work!" I push him toward the door, and he chuckles as he asks Heidi to repeat what she said.

He disappears and I turn back to my cup of coffee. I pick it, blowing on it as I walk around the room. My eyes are drawn to the red wall, there are several photographs placed evenly across the it. More of Edward's anal retentiveness showing.

As I move closer, I realize the pictures aren't of people. They are, in fact, a series of random objects; Rocks, feathers, crumpled paper. One photo is a close up of an eye; it looks like it could belong to a cat. Another is a pile of white pebbles with single shining black stone set in the center. The one that catches my eye is at the center, and shows a heart shaped rock with a crocked white line of quartz cutting down the center, held in the palm of a hand. A shiver runs through me as I stare at the sad little image, and wonder what the chances are of finding a heard-shaped stone.

"Hm," I sigh, shaking myself, and turn my back to the image.

I feel like I'm snooping, and it makes uncomfortable. If Edward's going to be working, I might as well get started on my laundry. I grab a white button-up shirt from his closet to slide it on. Edward was wearing pants, so I figure the "naked time" rules aren't in effect yet. Besides, it is drafty, just like it is in almost every old Seattle house I've ever been in. I take another sip of my coffee as I pad down the hallway, and into the living room.

"I swear I faxed the paperwork over yesterday," Edward is still talking on the phone as he sits on the couch. His laptop is open in front of him, and his face is fixed with a look of intense concentration. I'm tempted to bug him, until I catch site of the hole in the top of the couch. There is a large flap of fabric hanging like a dog ear, and I get a vague flashback of tearing it when we fucked last night.

_Shit!_

I make mental note to put some money aside to pay for the couch. If Edward is half as anal about his own furniture as he is about his parent's, then I need to get it fixed. I remember how pissed he was when Emmett and Jake destroyed his parent's couch. Esme didn't seem to care; in fact she bet Alice ten dollars that Jacob was going to win. It was only when I saw how mortified Edward looked that I broke it up. I didn't want him to call the cops or anything stupid.

Once Jake sobered up enough to see the damage he freaked, just like I knew he would. Jacob looked so ashamed. I wanted to punch Edward for looking like a sullen bitch even while his parents insisted that it wasn't a big deal. The whole evening would have been an awkward mess if I hadn't pulled Carlisle aside.

I was so intimidated by Dr. Cullen, but I didn't want to wreck the evening over something so stupid.

" _Sir, I mean Dr. Cullen," I whispered, as I scanned the hallway for any sign of movement._

" _Please, Leah, call me Carlisle," his voice was just as deep as Emmett's, but he had a tone of refinement that always made me clumsy and crude._

" _D...Carlisle," I stuttered, taking a second to breathe in and out before continuing. "Emmett said that you have an old car that isn't running. Could you please do me the favor of asking Jacob to work on it to settle the debt for the couch?"_

" _This is silly," he laughed softly, patting my shoulder and I fought back the urge to knock his hand away. "There is no debt. Esme has been looking for a reason to redecorate."_

" _Sir...I mean, Carlisle," I started, closing my eyes for a second to calm my anger, and then I gave him a steady stare. "Please understand that this isn't about you. It's about him. It's a matter of respect. He needs to repay the debt. Does that make sense?"_

_He stares at me, not speaking for a few minutes. I just when I thought that I'd insulted him, he nodded._

" _Yes, I think I understand," he said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, and again fought the urge to push him away._

_The Cullens are very chummy, except for Edward, and it threw me off. I'm very close to my own family, but I've never really felt like the Cullens were my family._

" _Thank you," I sighed._

" _Jacob is fortunate to have you that care for him," Carlisle remarked, leaning close to kiss my hair, and grip my shoulder. "I'm grateful that you're with Emmett."_

_He walked away, and I watched him, but I could still feel the weight of his arm on my shoulder._

I grab my laundry bags, along with the plastic bag with my jeans from last night in it, and pulling them toward the kitchen as quietly as possible. I carefully open the door, and kick my laundry bags down the narrow, shadowy stairwell that leads to Edward's basement. The smooth wood of the stairs feel cool on the soles of my feet when I reach the bottom, I carefully set the plastic bag down on the top of the fancy front-loading units.

In all the time I dated Emmett, I had never been down here. I usually just stole his clothes. He didn't mind, and I liked to smell like him. I opened the front of the washer, and started cramming in my clothes. After it was full, I searched the cupboard above the units and found some soap. I take a seat on the stairs, as the machine hums to life, and dig through my other laundry bag.

I packed an overnight bag into the laundry bag to save my energy while hauling it from the apartment to the truck. I pulled out the black backpack, and unzipped it. The notebook was easy to spot, and the quickly fished a pen out of the bottom of the bag.

I flipped open the notebook, trying to find a clean page, and quickly realize there are none. I flip back to the front of the notebook and realize that I grabbed the wrong one. This one is old, from my sophomore year in high school. A giant L7 sticker takes up most of the inside cover. _Girls Kick Ass!_ is scrawled in bright red above it.

I can't help smiling at how earnest I was at that age, but my smile disappears as I notice what is written at the bottom of the cover.

_A little blood is a small price to pay to save the life of another._

I was eight when I saw a real wolf. Auntie Ruth called and asked for someone to come down to her property. Dad was at work, so mom and I packed up Seth and headed down to Auntie Ruth's place. When we got there, she claimed that coyotes got onto her property and killed her chickens.

We left Seth with her, and started to walk along the fence to check for holes. Once we were far from the house, my mother told me that Auntie Ruth didn't have any chickens. She told me Auntie Ruth was lonely, but she was too proud to simply ask us to visit.

I was about to ask her about why Auntie Ruth seemed so grumpy all the time, when we heard whimpering and saw a young wolf tangled in the chicken wire fence. All my life I'd heard the legends, and the stories about how we came from wolves.

"To be Quileute is to be strong, and brave like our brothers," Auntie Ruth would always say, but the wolf that we found seemed so small and scruffy.

He was just like one of the skinny dogs that run around the rez, begging for scraps. He didn't look noble or clever - He looked hungry and kind of scary. he was growling, and baring his teeth at us. My mother kept walking toward him; when I called out for her to stop, she told me it was going to be fine.

She approached him with her palms up, but he still bristled when she took hold of the wire. She began to slowly unwind the wire from around his foot. At one point, he even snapped his teeth right next to her cheek, but my mother never stopped or wavered as she freed him. As soon as his foot was loose he ran off into the forest.

I didn't realize that she was hurt until she asked to use my bandanna as a bandage. Her hand was so badly cut that I worried we were going to have to drive into Forks to take her to the hospital, but she just laughed off my panic, reassuring me that it was a scratch.

" _A little blood is a small price to pay to save the life of another," she said with a smile, and turned back to start walking again._

"What are you doing?" Edward's voice echoes down the stairwell as a bright light suddenly flooded the room.

"Fuck! Are you trying to blind me?" I flinch away, covering my journal with my arm.

"Actually, I am trying to save your eyes," he replies, his feet making a dull thud on the stairs as he walks down to settle on the step behind me.

I quickly jam my journal back into my bag, as he brushes my hair aside and slides his hands over my shoulders. His strong hands grip and work my tense muscles, and I lean into him. My eyes close, and I bite my lip as he hits a tender spot, but I don't pull away.

"Relax. Put your head down," he whispers, his breath skittering across the exposed skin of my throat, and I swallow hard as I obey.

I take a deep breath, letting it out as I tilt my head forward, and my hair drops over my face like a curtain. I'm lost in the feeling of his hands on my body, his steady breathing, and how, for the first time in a very long time, I feel...good.

"Thanks," I sigh, grabbing his hands, and lean back against him.

"My pleasure," his chest rumbles against my back, and I pull his hands down to hover over my stomach.

I hold them there, covering them with my hands. He twists his hands in my grip to thread his fingers through mine, and rests his chin on my shoulder. A strange warmth spreads through my chest as I inhale, and savor his scent. It makes my whole body tingle with the memory of how it feels to have him moving inside me. My face flushes, and I laugh breathlessly at myself.

"Something funny?" He presses a soft kiss to my cheek, and I can't help but lean into it.

"I just...like this," my voice is a little rough as I say it, and I can't figure out why.

"Me too," he replies in a husky voice, as he untangles his fingers from mine, and grabs my chin.

He pulls my face to the side, and a tremor surges through me at the sight of Edward's brilliant green eyes. How can I carry on a normal conversation with him when he looks at me like that?

"What?" I put my hand on his wrist, gently pushing at it, but he only tightens his hold on my chin.

"You're safe with me," he says it in a strange tone, staring at me like I'm supposed to know what he's talking about, and I start to squirm a little.

"I can take care of myself," I laugh softly, trying to alleviate some of the tension in the air, but he doesn't smile.

"I'm not arguing that. I just want you to know that I won't ever hurt you," he speaks with such conviction that I'm a little dumbstruck.

No man has ever said this to me, not Emmett or Sam. Hell, not even my own father. I'm not the kind of girl who needs protecting. Having him say it like this, out of nowhere, throws me off. It never really occurred to me that Edward could ever hurt me.

"Okay," I utter the lamest response ever, and frown at myself.

"Okay," he sighs, cradling my cheek in his palm, and keeps staring at me.

"It must be hard being this fucking pretty," I laugh, giving him a challenging smirk, because I can't deal with him looking and touching me like this, not right now.

"Not really," he replies, smirking as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. "It keeps you around."

"That's not why I'm here," I reply, enjoying how his arms flex around me as I put my hands on his chest, and playfully resist him.

"Then, why _are_ you here?" His expression turns serious again, and I'm overcome by a sinking feeling.

My throat goes dry as I shift to face him, and brush his hair from his eyes. I'm stalling. I don't know what to say, and I think he knows it. His eyes change, he doesn't close them or even blink, but I can see something shift, and they darken. It feels like he just punched me in the gut, and I decide to wing it. I take a deep breath, and cradle his face between my hands.

"I'm here because I _want_ to be," I sigh, pressing my lips to his for a quick kiss, and pull back to look at him.

His face transforms, a brilliant smile spreads across his face, and my heart feels like it's going to explode. I want to smother this burning sensation in my chest, but his finger is stroking my cheek, and I don't want him to stop touching me.

"And I thought you were going to say it was my dick," he says, pulling me into his body, and I let out a bark of laughter.

"Well, that helps too," I reply, grabbing his dick through his jeans for emphasis, and grin as he groans loudly.

* * *

_Once upon a time, there lived a princess who did want to be a princess. She preferred to spend her time playing in the forest, dreaming and running free. Alas, she was a princess and had many official duties to fulfill. Each day she sat in the castle, studying with her tutor, while she daydreamed of playing in the forest. Eventually, her tutor would close the dusty workbook she was required to read, and excused her. She wasted no time, running out into the forest. There, she would chase rabbits, practice singing like the birds, and pretend she was anything but a princess._

_When the sun set, and she returned home, her father would warn her to not trust the animals. 'They can still harm you, even if they are your friends.' He would give her the gentle warning as he tucked her into bed, and she would nod, but in her heart she didn't believe him._

_One day, while she was dueling with an old oak tree, she heard a strange sound. She followed the mournful cry into the deep shadows of the forest, and discovered a wolf whose foot was caught in a trap. His head was raised to the sky as he cried out in pain. She rushed to help, but stopped when he turned to snarl at her._

" _I will kill you!" he snapped, trying to back away, but his movement caused the trap to pull on his leg, and made him howl again._

_The sound frightened her, as did the sight of his sharp teeth, but she knew that if she did not free him, he would surely die._

" _You will not," she insisted, hoping that her tone would distract him as she took a deep breath, and leaned down to grab the sides of the trap._

_She pulled with all of her strength, ignoring his snarling, and until, the mouth of the trap opened. The wolf removed his paw, and she quickly released the trap. It closed with a loud snap, and the princess tumbled to the ground._

" _How did you know that I would not hurt you?" his voice rumbles, as his licks at her face, and nuzzled her neck with his snout._

_His cold nose tickled her neck, and she couldn't stop herself from giggling as he continued to rub his head against her hair._

" _I didn't," she said, gently pushing his head away, and standing up. "It was more important to save you."_

[Excerpt taken from _The Princess and the Wolf_ by Leah Clearwater, sophomore English.]


	18. A Cold and Broken Hallelujah

_The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy._

  


**Martin Luther King Jr., _Strength to Love, 1963_**

I am cooking dinner for Edward Cullen, anxiously waiting for him to get home from work. What has happened to me? Where did it all go wrong? Why am I smiling like the biggest asshole in the world?

It's got to be the hormones. Yes, I blame the hormones. Okay, I only took the first pill today, but I feel different somehow.

" _You just want a standard STD screening?" Dr. Canyon gave me a sideways look as she typed into the computer._

_I assumed she was ordering my lab test or whatever the hell doctors do that allows some needle-happy freak in the lab to use me for as a pincushion. Ugh, I wasn't looking forward to that._

" _Well, I was also thinking of giving the pill a try again," I said, waving a limp brochure in my hand._

" _I'm glad to hear that," she sighed, turning on her little stool to face me. "Well, we've got a couple of new types that I think will work much better for you this time. There's even one that can reduce the number of periods you have."_

" _I like the sound of that," I sighed, smiling at her knowing grin._

_She had to listen to my whining the whole time I tried to find a workable birth control option when I was with Emmett. Kay is great, I've known her for years. We've been through a lot, and I trust her more than just about anybody I know._

" _All right, I'm going to give you a ninety-day prescription," she explained while she typed into the computer again. "_ _If you start the pill pack_ _once your period starts, you'll need a back up method for seven days; I recommend one month, to air on the safe side_ _."_

" _Yes, ma'am," I nodded, and let out a breath that I didn't realize I'd been holding._

My phone buzzes and jumps on the kitchen counter - Edward's kitchen counter. I pick it up, and smile even wider when I see that the message is from him.

**On the way. Do you need anything?**

My cheeks are starting to hurt.

**Beer and your hot ass.**

I set my phone down, and turn the stove down to simmer. The chili is pretty much ready to go; I didn't plan on anything else. When Edward asked me to spend the rest of week with him, I agreed, on the condition that I be in charge of making dinner. I can't handle watching him shell out money for take-out every damn night. It feels too much like charity or prostitution. Of course, I didn't tell him that. I insisted that I wanted to cook for him, since I'm broke. So tonight, after digging through his pantry I found some cans of chili and a bag of tortilla chips. It isn't much, but I was planning to doctor it up a bit with some stinky cheese and spices. Hopefully it is up to snuff for Edward's standards.

_If not, he can starve._

I open up the cupboard, and the door suddenly falls forward, making me jump back. It dangles by one hinge, and I remember Edward standing in the kitchen pressing his hand to his chin. It was on Game Night, Rose had made some bitchy comment, while Emmett was going all mother bird. Edward looked embarrassed as hell. In that moment, he looked right at me, and he blushed a dark shade of crimson, and I almost told Rose to shut up, but I was already nervous about the looks she'd been giving me so I said nothing. Then he flipped out and screamed at us.

I push the guilt out of my mind, as I grab two bowls out of the cupboard. Edward will be home soon, and I need to finish getting the table set up. I walk over to the small kitchen table and lay out the place settings, the memory still turning over in my head. He was so Jekyll and Hyde that night.

He acts so strange around his family. For as long as I've known Edward I've assumed that he was a cold, arrogant asshole. He is so quiet during family gatherings. I've often caught him glancing at his watch, or fiddling with his napkin or the button on his jacket sleeve. I once made a comment about it to Emmett. It seemed like Edward was just counting the minutes till he could leave.

" _Alice and I are loud mouths, and we make him look shy in comparison. Ed can be really chatty if you get him started on the right subject. He likes music and books, you should try talking to him about that."_ Emmett was forever trying to get me and Edward to get along. Looking back now, I feel bad that I never tried, even though I knew how much our fighting bothered Emmett.

My phone suddenly comes to life, vibrating across the counter as it blasts the opening bars of _Steal My Sunshine_ by Len _._ I wish that I hadn't allowed Alice to pick the ring-tone that I use for her, but I'm not about to change it. I can't risk her finding out and have her try to put something worse on there, like *NSYNC or Céline Dion.

I roll my eyes as I answer, and don't even get a chance to say hello.

"Hey babes, I can't chat too long on a quick break from work," Alice squeaks at a million miles an hour.

I don't even bother to speak; it's best to not interrupt her mid-thought or who knows where the conversation will end up.

"Mom and Dad want me to invite you to Thanksgiving. Now, Jasper already told me that it's probably not PC to ask, but you're family, whether you believe it or not. You don't have to dress up or even bring anything, though I wouldn't turn down any of that addictive fry bread you made for Jasper's birthday. Dinner will start between four and five, but show up at anytime. " She finally pauses to take a breath, and my head feels like it's ready to explode.

"Uh...thanks for the invite, but I'm planning to head back to the rez tomorrow night," I sigh. It's a lie, and I feel guilty, but Game Night was weird enough.

I can't even begin to imagine how awkward Thanksgiving with the Cullen clan would be, even with Emmett and Rose being out of town.

"Oh! Of course, that makes sense," her voice takes on a slight breathy quality that I recognize as her feeling guilty.

"I can email you the recipe for the bread, though," I sputter, to avoid talking to Alice about my family.

She makes all kinds of crazy assumptions about why I don't go home that often; once she asked if my dad "touched me." I told her he did but that I liked it. After she figured out I was joking, she hit me in the kidney, but she also learned to not ask me about my family.

"Me, bake? Are you kidding?" Alice's high pitch squeak makes my ears throb, and I'm about to complain that she's making my ears bleed, when I hear the sound of keys jingling in the front door.

"Hey, I've got to get going," I say, as quickly untie the apron I am wearing to keep from splattering my naked body with scalding hot chili.

"Okay, don't forget we still need to plan the welcoming party for Bella. I was thinking just a few-" she starts speed talking again, and I finally lose my patience.

"Alice!" I hiss into the phone, it sounds a little harsher than I intended.

"All right, Miss Pissy," she laughs, and I hear the front door open. "Talk to you later."

I drop my phone on the counter, and toss the apron aside as I run over to the kitchen table. It wobbles as I climb on top of it, carefully position my feet on the edge, and sit my ass next to a shining white porcelain plate.

"Leah?" The sound of his voice sends a thrill through me, but I steady my breathing, and adjust Edward's silk tie to lie between my breasts.

I stole the idea from a cheesy movie, but I don't care. I doubt that Edward's big on Julia Roberts movies, and even if he is, he'd better be too horny to give me shit about it.

"In here," I reply, laying my hands flat on the table behind me. The silk tie tickles my stomach, and I shiver. I love the feel of it against my skin. It feels like he's touching me.

I flick my head to the side to make sure my braided hair is off my shoulders, just as Edward walks around the corner. A plastic sack dangles from his long fingers, and his damp hair droops in clumps against the sides of his face. His lips are spread in a small smile. It makes him look younger, that smile, and it makes my pulse race as his eyes rise to meet mine.

He stops as soon as he sees me. His eyebrows rise as his lips part, slightly. My mouth falls open as his tongue slides over his bottom lip, the shining white edge of his teeth follow in its wake, and my whole body contracts.

"I see you've been busy," he sounds casual, but he's not fooling me.

It looks like he's been running through the rain. Rosy bursts of pink tint the skin around his eyes and cheeks, making the lower part of his face look ivory by comparison. He looks like he walked off the cover a Jane Austen novel. Men this beautiful shouldn't be real.

"I hope you're hungry," I sigh, licking my lips and gripping the edge of the table with my toes.

His lips split in a wide grin as he sets the bag on the floor, and takes off his coat. I curl my fingers along the polished surface of the table as Edward walks across the short space separating us. He takes a seat in front of me, and leans forward.

"Starving," he breathes it against my mouth, his tongue darting out to swipe over my lips.

He pulls away and carefully gathers the silverware, and plate, setting them out of the way. I grumble impatiently. He shakes his head, and smiles wider, as his hands wrap around my legs. He yanks me forward until my ass is on the edge of the table, and I gasp as icy droplets of water fall from his hair to spatter the insides of my thighs.

"I've been waiting all day to hear that sound," his voice vibrates through me as he smoothes his hands over my wet skin, and he dips his head down between my legs.

He drags his tongue along my pussy, making me groan low and raw, like a horny fucking cat. My hips buck as Edward laughs, his breath tickling my clit, and I want to scream. I comb my fingers through his hair, and yank his head up. Edward practically snarls as he grabs my wrist and pulls my hand out of his hair. His eyes burn into me as he lowers his mouth back over my pussy. It occurs to me that it might not be smart to piss him off when his teeth are this close to my clit.

He presses his mouth against me, his tongue sliding into me, and I tilt my head back. I struggle to breathe, as his tongue curls and swirls inside of me. Every move he makes stokes the slow burning ache to have his dick inside me.

"Come here," I gasp, tugging on the collar of his shirt, but he bats my hand away.

He leans into me, his arms wrapping around my back, and his nose presses hard against my clit. I pant as his tongue slides even deeper inside me, and his nails dig into the flesh of my ass. The sharp sting surges through me like an electric shock, and I feel the first wave hit.

"Oh shit, I'm going to fucking come," I scream, falling back to slam my head into the hard table, but I don't give a fuck.

All I can see is Edward's eyes and upper lip as his mouth works on me. Pleasure rides through my body, wave after wave, and I arch up to press myself against him. His arms encircle my waist, lifting my lower body off the table and his growl reverberates through my sensitive, pulsing pussy.

"Stop!" I wiggle away, as he drags his tongue against my overstimulated clit.

Edward pulls back his head and his arms still hold me tightly as he smirks down at me. I jerk in his grip, and frown at him. He keeps smiling as he lowers me back down to the table. He knows how much I love his fucking mouth, but I still try to act annoyed. I slide my hand along the table and shove the plate and silverware to the floor. It makes a satisfying crash, and Edward's smile disappears. He grabs the end of the tie, winding it around his hand as he yanks me up to face him.

"My mother gave me that set," he breathes against my mouth. His anger only makes me want him more.

"Whoops," I whisper, pouring as much sarcasm I can manage into my tone while still being breathless and insanely horny.

"This time you are really going to pay for that," he growls, shifting away from me, and sinks his thumb into my wet pussy.

I shriek and gasp as he pumps his thumb inside me, while he slides his tongue into my mouth. The rest of his fingers press into my ass cheeks, lifting me off the table with each thrust. It feels good, but it's not nearly enough. I want more; I want him.

"Fuck me harder," I pant, as I slam my hips down onto his thumb, and grab the sides of his head. "I want you in me."

"Are you close?" He breathes hard, his whole body moving along with his hand, as if every part of him is fucking me, except the part that I want the most – his fucking beautiful dick.

"Yes," I hiss, digging my hands into his scalp as I rise up to press all my weight into him, and nearly scream when he pulls his hand away.

"Wait for me," he pants, tearing open his slacks, while digging into his pocket for a condom.

I help him put it on, and in seconds he's holding his hard dick against me. He paints a small circle with his head, tracing the outline of my pussy, like he's trying to memorize it. I buck against him, and he hums softly against my cheek, still staring at his dick as it begins to slide into me.

I moan as my body yields, and the familiar burn of him makes me shudder violently. There is nothing like this feeling, of him inside me, and his breathing next to my face. His cock sinks in to the hilt, and I let out a little grunt of greedy satisfaction. Edward looks up at me through a curtain of his damp, messy hair. His eyes pinch at the corners, as he leans forward to brush his lips against mine. It's not a kiss, but it leaves me breathless and aching for more.

"I want to stay like this forever," he whispers against my mouth, and I close my eyes.

"Me too," it slips out of my mouth, before I've realized what I'm saying, but it's too late.

Edward pulls out of me slowly taking my breath and voice with him. He's smiling; it's the same expression he was wearing when he came into the kitchen. I start to shake as he moves with more purpose, thrusting into me in slow, sure strokes. His eyes never leave my face, and I can't break the gaze even as another orgasm crests, and explodes through my pelvis.

"UHHH!" I cry out, back arching up, as Edward presses his hand to the side of my face, and his fingers curl around my neck.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he moans between thrusts, his eyes still fixed on me.

It should be funny. I should be laughing, because no one talks like this during sex, but I can't think straight. He moves inside me in with a steady pace, gently rocking the table beneath me, and all I can do is watch him as his body starts to tremble.

"God!" he gasps, thrusting one last time, and sinks so deep that it feels like he's locked into place.

He collapses on top of me, his face pressed against my collarbone, and his hands are still molded to my waist. All I can hear is the steady pounding of my heart, and the sound of his breathing. My brain is dragging, clunking along like an overheated engine. I want to forget about everything else in the world except the feel of his skin pressed against mine, but something's nagging at the back of my mind.

"What's that smell?" Edward lifts his head, a puzzled look on his beautiful face, and I register the sharp scent of smoke.

"SHIT!" I shove him off, jump off the table, and run over to the stove.

My apron is burning and melting to the stovetop. I panic and turn toward the sink, but Edward's already in front of me with a bright red fire extinguisher in his hand. An explosion of white foam covers the stovetop and counter like thick snow.

"I didn't think I was going to need to use this when Emmett wasn't here," he sighs, as he sets the fire extinguisher on the floor, and I realize he's completely naked from the waist down.

I burst into laughter as he turns around to smile at me.

* * *

"White or red?" Esme holds a bottle in each hand as I carefully set out the wine glasses on the table.

"Red," I say, nodding toward the bottle of Pinot Noir, and check the place settings one last time. "Should I grab the rolls or wait till we start bringing out the rest of the food?"

"They can wait," she says, and walks back into the kitchen, leaving me alone.

I can hear the soft murmur of conversation coming from the den, and I decide to stay where I am. Jasper and Carlisle need their time to talk. Alice is on the phone with Emmett, and Esme is singing in the kitchen. I step back to lean against the sideboard, and wonder if Leah is going to call me tonight.

Chewie groans on the floor at my feet, and I glance down to see him snort at me. I frown, feeling stupid that a dog is making me feel guilty about not wanting to be here.

"Hush," I hiss at him, and one of his ears quirks up.

I can take a moment to myself, even if my overactive imagination is telling me that it's selfish. I love my family, and I usually love Thanksgiving, but Emmett isn't here. Everything has felt strange, ever since Leah kissed me goodbye before she left this morning.

" _When will I see you again?" I mumbled groggily, blinking in the darkness, and pulled her close to kiss me one last time._

" _I will call when I get back in town," she sighed, her breath hot against my lips, and I growled._

" _How many days?"_ _My morning voice was husky as I pulled her under my body and pressed against her._

_I want to take some time off of work. I'm thinking I could take Leah on a vacation, maybe Hawaii. The thought of her naked on the beach has me hard in a second._

" _I'll see if I can get back on Saturday," she relented, pushing me off and rolling off the bed._

" _I can't wait," I sighed, sleep already dragging me back into my pillow, as she laughed._

" _Bye," she whispered against my cheek._

"Do you remember where I put Grandmother Cullen's crystal salt and pepper shakers?" Esme's sudden appearance in the dining room startles me from my memory, and makes Chewie yip.

I spin around to smile at her as I button my jacket to hide my uncomfortable erection. She sets the crystal salad bowl on the table and walks up to me. I wonder how close she's planning to come, and if I can maneuver away quickly without drawing attention.

"I think it's in the china hutch," I reply, dodging to the side, and walk through the double doors that lead to the den.

It is going to be a very long weekend.

"Come on, admit it, you've been doing nothing but eating cheese and drinking beer," Alice laughs, as her legs dangle off the side of the stairwell and nearly kick me in the head. "Oh, tell her I miss the shit out of her, too."

I reach up and grab one of her flailing legs, so I can pass without injury. Alice squawks, and I dodge out of the way of her other leg as it almost knocks out my teeth. She sits up, and yanks her foot back.

"Edward, you scared the crap out of me! Warn me next time before you paw at me," she says, playfully pushing at me through the railing.

"It would be easier to do that if I could get your attention and if you weren't yelling at the top of your lungs," I counter, and she just sticks out her tongue.

I try to grab her tongue and she jerks back, laughing.

"What's that Emmett? Yeah, he's here. Sure," she chirps, pulling the phone from her ear to point it at me. "He wants to talk to you."

I stare at the phone for a second. _Emmett!_ My brain swirls with the possibilities of what he could want to talk about. I immediately remember Rose's face on the last night they were here, how she glared at me and those Radiohead tickets. It was a message, and I got it loud and clear. She knew about Leah, and if she knew, then it was only a matter of time before Emmett knew.

"I can't; Mom needs my help with dinner. Tell him I'll call him tomorrow," I rattle off as I turn to jog toward the den, hoping she won't chase after me.

"Sorry, Em. He needs to help Mom. He says he'll call you tomorrow," Alice says in a nasally sarcastic tone, making it clear that I just lied. I keep walking, thankful to escape a confrontation.

* * *

"Apparently, they've changed their plans," Alice talks between mouthfuls of mashed potatoes, and I stare at the congealed gravy wondering if Esme is going to want to play a board game after dinner. "They're spending the rest of the trip with Rose's mother, and her friend Vera, who sounds really cool."

"That's lovely," Esme replies, only half paying attention as she not-so-secretly feeds Chewie scraps under the table.

"Did Emmett say if they were still planning to stay longer?" Carlisle asks, as he offers Jasper another roll.

"Oh, sir. I am afraid that my infamous appetite has met its match," Jasper groans softly, shaking his head and leaning back in his chair. "Mrs. Cullen you have outdone yourself again this year."

"Thank you, Jasper," Esme says, giving him a brilliant smile, and then forces him to take another roll.

"Anyone want another glass of wine?" I ask, feeling like I should contribute something to the conversation.

"I'm good," Alice hiccups, and giggles at herself.

"I am fine, dear," Esme says, raising her half empty glass.

Poor Jasper can only manage an apologetic smile, as he tries to choke down the roll that Esme put on his plate. It is his own fault - he went back for thirds, and we haven't even set out dessert yet.

"I could use another glass," Carlisle replies, raising his empty wine glass, and I take it from his hand.

"I'll get that bottle of the South African Shiraz I was telling you about," I call back to him as I walk into the kitchen.

I set the glasses down, and grab the bottle of wine as my phone buzzes in my pocket. The bottle slips from my hand as I try to pull my phone from my jacket, and it goes rolling across the counter. I reach out to try to catch it, but I only end up pushing it into the wine glasses and they tumble over the edge of the counter to smash on the floor. The bottle of wine quickly follows, exploding over the floor in a glittering wave of red liquid.

I turn from the mess, as I look at the caller ID.

**Cynthia Lawson**

I immediately answer.

"Hello, Edward?" She speaks in a crisp professional tone, and my heart begins to race.

"Yes," I answer with a gulp, and lean against the counter.

"It's time," she says, as a wave of relief washes over me, making me feel faint. "I'm on my way to pick up Alec. Dr. Killian has been paged, and the surgical team is prepping as we speak. Can you meet us at the hospital?"

"I'm on my way," I reply, as she hangs up.

"What happened?" Carlisle stands in the doorway, and I stare at him as I realize that I have to tell him why I need to leave in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner.

"I...I'm sorry," I stutter, as he walks into the kitchen and gives me a gentle pat on the shoulder.

"It's just a couple of glasses, don't worry," he says, leaning down to pick up the stems of the wine glasses.

I had completely forgotten about them, and I immediately join him on the floor. We quickly gather the shards of glass and he opens the cabinet door beneath the sink. I gently dump the glass into the garbage can, and turn on the faucet to wash my hands. Carlisle waits patiently while I rinse the soap from my hands, a loving smile on his face as he watches me.

"I have to go," I mutter, turning away, but he stops me with a strong hand on my shoulder.

"What do you mean you have to go?" He pulls me back around, his face is filled with concern, and the sight makes my stomach twist with guilt.

"One of the kids from the shelter..." My voice trails off as I look into his dark brown eyes, and give up on trying to avoid the inevitable confrontation. "I lied to you. I'm still working for Volt."

I watch as Carlisle's face transforms from concern to smoldering anger, and something else that looks a little like fear.

* * *

It takes twenty minutes to even get on the road. As soon as I explain the situation to Carlisle, he has to tells Esme, who then insists that the entire family should accompany me to the hospital.

" _This isn't necessary," I argue, even as Alice and Jasper hurriedly cram all the food into the refrigerator._

_Chewie whimpers and circles my legs as she folds up the tablecloth into a tight bundle in the center of the table._

" _Nonsense. You're not going alone," she insists, waving to Jasper, who has returned from the kitchen. "Take this to the laundry room, and have Alice pull up the Bug out front. I will ride with you two."_

" _I'll ride with Edward," Carlisle returning from the hallway, holding an arm full of jackets, and starts to hand them out._

" _Mother, I don't need a family escort to the hospital," I sigh, as I slide my coat on, and try to not meet Carlisle's gaze._

" _Edward, this isn't just about you," she replies, stepping closer to me, and pressed her hand to my cheek. "This boy has no family. He's about to undergo heart surgery. He needs us."_

" _You don't even know him," I shake my head._

" _He matters to you," she says, as Carlisle puts his arm around my shoulders, and I know I've lost the argument. "That's all we need to know."_

"Did they say who his surgeon is?" Carlisle asks, leaning against the passenger door, and I stretch my neck to the side.

"Robert Killian," I answer, taking the Madison exit off of I-5, and glance in the rearview mirror.

I can see Alice's VW Beetle, and I make sure to slow down so she can catch up. I told them it was at Virginia Mason, but I'm sure that they have no idea exactly how to get to the Emergency Room entrance.

"I'll talk with him when, get there," he sighs, and turns to look at me. "When were you going to tell me?"

I swallow, and check traffic more than is necessary before pulling onto Madison.

"I was just trying to help Alec," I argue weakly, bringing us to a stop, and force myself to look at him.

"I don't doubt your intentions," he says, placing a hand on my shoulder, and squeezes. "I'm worried about the consequences."

_Volt has a way of getting under your skin. They aren't just a company, they're a lifestyle. Fast-paced, high risk, and big pay-offs. Volt wasn't one of the top performing companies in the world by accident. Aro demanded a lot from his employees and I had made it my personal goal to exceed every one of his expectations._

_At first it was a little overwhelming, but Demetri helped me out by showing me how he kept up with the demands of the job and the social life that comes with being a busy professional. It started with coke, but soon enough, I had moved on to crank, or crystal as I preferred to call it. Once I learned how to regulate my use so that I didn't go three days without sleep, it became a wonderful tool. It focused my mind, and allowed me to work through projects in half the amount time as the other interns._

_Finally, after a few months, everything was falling into place. I had successfully rescued over a dozen failing projects, and Aro himself had congratulated me in person at a Director's Meeting. To top it all off, they finished moving the last of my stuff into my new corner office. Demetri said that no one had ever advanced this fast in the company, and that if I kept up this pace I could be a Junior VP in under a year. It cost me a lot of weekends, and some sleep, but I knew that in the end it would be worth it._

_Demetri had already made the calls to set up a spectacular night on the town to celebrate my promotion and I was feeling invincible. I thought that I had it all under control, and at the time I really believed that it was what I wanted. That was until I saw the look on Carlisle's face. He stopped by the office to see how I was doing and asked why I hadn't been attending church lately._

" _Edward, what is wrong with you?" He kept trying to get closer to me, but I was doing my best to keep my distance._

" _Everything is fine," I laughed, turning toward the window, and checked my reflection to make sure there wasn't anything coming out of my nose._

_I hated how coke made me so hyper aware of my nose, but I tapped my supply of crystal, and it was all Demetri had on hand this morning. I sniffed, rubbed my nose one last time and then turned around to give Carlisle my best smile. All my confidence bled out of me as I saw his face._

" _What are you on?" He glared at me as he walked toward me, and I panicked._

_All my logical, well thought out arguments about how I sensibly managed my drug use drained from my mind at the sight of Carlisle's accusing look._

" _Nothing, I swear!" I stumbled backward, nearly tripping over the corner of my desk, and I quickly moved behind it as I mentally scrambled for a good lie._

" _Do not lie to me!" his voice was low and menacing as he grabbed the corner of my desk with one hand and shoved it out of his path._

_The heavy oak shuddered as it slammed into the wall, sending several framed photographs crashing to the floor. I had never seen him this angry in my life._

" _Dad, please," I sputtered, and pressed my back against the glass of my window, and wished that I could take it all back._

_He stopped short, blinked, and suddenly it was like he was seeing me for the first time. At first, I didn't believe that they were tears. I tell myself that it's a trick of the light that made it look like his face was wet as he looked down at his own hands, with disgust._

_In all my life, I've only seen Carlisle cry one other time. I was ten years old, and I had told him he wasn't my father. I was an angry, heartbroken child at the time, and I've regretted those hasty words daily since I uttered them._

" _I'm sorry," he gasped, grabbing my shoulders in his strong hands, and he dragged me into his arms._

_I couldn't speak as he held me close, his hand covered the back of my head and pressed my face into his chest. I felt like that confused little kid again, and I hated myself for hurting him._

" _I love you, Edward," he whispered in my hair, and I closed my eyes against my own tears._

_In all this time, I never let myself consider how my choice, how my sacrifice could affect my family. I had been so intent on succeeding and impressing Aro. I wanted to prove that he hadn't made a mistake in hiring me. Most of all, I wanted to prove to myself that it didn't matter if Carlisle didn't think I could handle the job._

_He never came out and said it, but he didn't have to. I could sense it in the way he refused to talk about my job, and how he constantly asked about when I would return to medical school. In my idiotic attempt to prove myself to Carlisle, the only thing I had proven was that he was right._

It's been almost eight months since that day. Carlisle insisted that I quit Volt and go into drug treatment. Desperate to regain his trust, I agreed. He enrolled me in an outpatient program, and I promised Carlisle I would never do drugs again. I've kept my word, but every time I look at him, I can still see the worry. I wish that I didn't see it tonight, but as he sighs and leans back in his seat, I can feel the disappointment roll off him in thick waves.

"It's green," he whispers, and I swallow hard, turning my attention back to the road.

* * *

"What's taking so fucking long?" Jane kicks the doorframe with the toe of her sneaker.

"Jane, dear" Esme's voice is soft, but she gets Jane's attention in a second as she points at the chair next to her. "Please, sit down."

They stare at each other for a few heartbeats. Normally, I would step in and try to keep Jane under control, but in this case, I just sit back and wait. Jane's never had to square off with Esme Cullen. Something in Jane's expression changes; her shoulders lower and she sighs heavily, crossing the hospital room to sit beside Esme while Alec wheezes with soft laughter.

"Shut up," Jane snaps as Esme reaches into her purse.

Esme smiles politely as she offers a peppermint candy to Jane, who just glares at her.

"What the fuck is that?" Jane is stressed; I can see it in her posture and her aggressive behavior.

"Look at it this way - it tastes better than soap," Esme's tone was light and cheerful as she dangled the candy by the edge of its wrapper in front of Jane's face.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jane glances up at me, her expression a mixture of confusion and amusement.

"I would take it," Alice says from behind me. "You don't want her to put it somewhere...uncomfortable. I only swore in church once, but that was enough."

She rubs her butt for emphasis, as Jasper turns to the side and pretends to be very interested in the drapes. His face turns a dark shade of crimson as his shoulders shake lightly. I manage to keep my own amusement under control as I return my gaze to Jane's look of horrified disbelief.

"I slipped up at Sunday dinner once and couldn't sit right for a week," I state with a shrug.

"Fu-" she starts to hiss, but stops as Alec extends his hand toward her.

"Jane," Alec whispers, his pale complexion looks ashen under the harsh florescent lights.

Jane turns her gaze to her brother, her lips part for a second, but she doesn't speak. She continues to look at him as she takes the candy, unwraps it, and pops it into her mouth. Esme takes the wrapper and places it back in her purse, her eyes never leaving Jane. She reaches out and carefully combs her fingers through Jane's short blond hair, tucking it behind her ear.

We've only been here for less than an hour, but Esme is already looking at Jane and Alec as if they belong to her. It happens so quickly for her, love. Alice shares this trait, this need to make our family bigger, to share her love and home with others.

"They're about ready," Carlisle's voice makes me stiffen, as I feel him walk up behind me.

"Okay," Esme stands, lifting Jane up with her and walks over to Alec. "We will see you soon, dear."

She smiles down at Alec, and places a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Give 'em hell!" Alice chirps, looking flustered and ready to cry.

Jasper gives Alec a nod, and pushes Alice out of the room before she starts crying. Esme walks past me, stopping to touch my cheek, and leans in close to me.

"This is a good thing you've done here," she whispers in my ear, and kisses my cheek.

"We'll be in the waiting room," Carlisle says, closing the door behind him, and I take a breath.

Jane is still standing next to Alec's bed, her small hands around his arm, and my chest aches at the sight of them together. Alec smiles up at his sister, and she smiles back. I see his lips move, but his voice is too quiet to make out over the sound of the monitor.

"Don't even start," Jane snaps, leaning down to wrap her arms around him.

I move to stand at the edge of the bed, making sure to allow them their moment. The door opens and I glance over my shoulder to see the nurses file into the room.

"Jane," I say her name, but hesitate as Jane pulls back, and I see the tears in her eyes.

"Edward," Alec reaches out toward me. I take his hand and try my best to look reassuring despite the cold lump weighing down my stomach. "Make sure she doesn't get kicked out of the shelter."

"I promise," I tell him with a smile, gently grip his hand and say a silent prayer.

I quickly usher Jane out of the room, as the nurses begin to talk to Alec in a soothing tone. We walk to the waiting room in silence, Jane's hand tucked into mine. Jasper is leaning in the entryway, and he gives us a nod as we pass him. He touches my arm, and Esme walks up to take a hold of Jane's shoulders. My chest constricts as Jane's small hand slides from mine, and her bloodshot eyes turn to me. I give her a reassuring nod while Esme guides her to the empty seat beside Alice. Jane sits down, allowing Esme to hold her while Alice takes hold of her hands. I finally look at Jasper, his expression softens, and I feel a weight that's been hanging on me since our argument in the basement lift. I nod, as his hand gently pats the back of my neck.

"Edward," Carlisle appears beside me, as Jasper walks away to join the others. "I need to speak to you - in private."

I turn to look at his stern expression. As I nod, I worry that I've destroyed any chance I had of regaining his trust in me.

* * *

"Yeah, I know what I said, but I might as well hit it tonight when no one's on the road," I sigh into my headset as I steer the truck onto I-5.

It took me less than two hours to finish all my errands, and I spent most of the afternoon sitting around my apartment staring at the TV. Every few minutes I would glance at my phone, wishing I could just call Edward. He looked downright edible when I left him this morning, but if I call he'll just want me to come over, and then I will never get to La Push on time.

"Hey, I'm happy to see you, I just don't want you falling asleep at the wheel," Seth chuckled through the phone.

"Fuck you, it's only nine!" I growl as my call waiting chimes across the line.

"I need to get that, it's probably Bella," I say, and see it's Edward.

"'Kay, I love you and tell Boobarella I said hi," he laughs as he hangs up, and I shake my head as I pick up the line.

"Edward," I answer, and hear nothing but steady breathing. "Hello?"

"I need you," he sounds strange, like he's been crying.

"Where are you?" I manage to ask around the lump in my throat as I scan the road for the next exit.

"Home," he whispers, and I feel my eyes sting.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," I reply, taking the exit, to get back on the northbound side of the freeway.

"Hurry," he sighs, sounding relieved, and the line goes dead before I can say anything else.

I make it in ten minutes. Thankfully there weren't any cops out while I sped down I-5 at nearly 80 miles an hour. My poor truck was shaking like an off-balance washer, but she held together until I pulled into Edward's driveway. I immediately notice his front door slightly ajar, and my heart jumps into my throat. I practically leap out of the truck, before the engine is totally dead. I take the steps two at a time, my brain already working overtime to figure out what the hell is going on.

I barrel through the open door and find his house dark. The curtains are thrown open to show the empty residential street in front of his house bathed in light from the streetlamp. My eyes quickly adjust to the dark and I realize that Edward is sitting on his couch with a bottle of scotch in his hand, which he raises to his lips

"Edward," I sigh, walking around the side of the couch, and turn on the lamp so I can see him clearly.

He flinches away from the light, and pulls the bottle from his mouth, spilling a few droplets down his chin. I sit down on the coffee table in front of him, as he licks his lips, and stares past me. His eyes are rimmed in red, his tie is hanging to the side and there is light tan stain covering the front of his white shirt. It looks like he spilled coffee or something on himself. It clings to him, showing how his chest rises as he inhales deeply, and lifts the bottle again.

"What the fuck is going on?" I put my hand on his arm, stopping him from drinking, and his eyes lower to look at where I'm touching him.

I pry the bottle from his hand, setting it on the table and put my hands on the sides of his face. He blinks and then his eyes focus on me.

"Leah, you came," there is a tone of surprise in his voice, like he just realized that I'm here.

"You called," I answer like an idiot.

"I shouldn't have called," he sighs, as he wraps his long fingers around my wrists to tug my hands away from his face, but he holds onto me.

"Tell me what's wrong," I whisper; my throat feels tight and my heart is drumming in my ear.

I recognize the look in his eyes, and it's scaring the shit out of me.

He shakes his head, as his eyes drift down to look our hands and he holds my wrists between our bodies.

"Can I ask you a question?" His voice sounds dreamy, as he traces my palms with his thumbs, and I have to swallow before I'm able to answer.

"Sure," I croak, my throat is still dry, and my eyes feel sore.

I watch his bottom lip tremble as he tries to speak, his hair drifts down over his eyes, and my whole body aches with the need to know what has him so torn up. He finally closes his eyes, and slowly shakes his head, like he's trying to clear something that's stuck too hard to shake loose. I watch him press his face into the open palms of my hands. He feels like an egg that's about to crack in my hands. His breath sears my palms, and moisture starts to drip onto my fingers.

"What is it?" I whisper, my chest burning as I lift his head so I can see his tear-streaked face. "Tell me."

He takes a shaky breath, and I wipe at his cheeks with my thumbs, and waiting until he finally speaks.

"If you could save someone's life, but it meant hurting everyone you care about, would you do it?" He looks at me with tired, pleading eyes, and I answer without hesitation.

"In a heartbeat."

* * *

I hate coming to this place, but as the towering front door creeks open, I paint a pleasant grin on my face. A round, tawny-skinned face appears around the edge of the mahogany, and her dark eyes regard me with a mixture of hesitance and distaste.

" _Consuela_!" I laugh, pushing the door open and grasping her shoulders, as I quickly kiss her cheek.

If there is one thing I know, it's people. _Consuela_ hates me, because she knows that my parents are new money and therefore not equal to the Gallos. I obtained my position at Volt through cunning and the influence that my father's wealth could procure for me. While she considers me to be lower than dog shit, she will not embarrass Aro by being rude to a guest. Some would say I'm cruel for exploiting this weakness for my own petty amusement, and they would be right.

"Mister Crawford, please," she mumbles, shrinking from my embrace and pushing the door closed. "Mister Gallo is expecting you."

She leads me up the sweeping stairwell, and I silently thank my personal trainer for the hours of cardio he puts me through. We make it through the maze of hallways all the way to the towering double doors that open to reveal Aro's office/bedroom/heart of Volt Corp.

"Demetri!" Aro greets me with open arms, from his throne of overstuffed pillows.

"Good evening, sir," I reply with a wave, as I walk around the side of his bed, and immediately run into a five foot tall wall of all business.

"Did you secure Klein for the engineering team?" Gianna, Aro's right hand and the most frighteningly efficient admin that I have ever had the displeasure of dating, asks as she taps her nails against the touchscreen of her tablet compter.

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from knocking it out of her hands.

"Yes, he should report to Sophie on Monday," I reply, waiting for her to finish whatever email she's sending.

"Good," she says, turning to walk back to the head of the bed.

"Excellent news," Aro says, as Gianna hands the computer over to him, and he glances it at for a second. "That looks fine."

I wait as he waves his hand, while she takes it back, and continues to tapping the screen. Aro looks pale, and at least ten pounds lighter since the last time I saw him in person. I knew that he wasn't doing well, but that had never stopped our CEO from keeping up appearances. That is, until a few months ago, when he dropped off the radar. He was teleconferencing into board meetings and there was talk that he was traveling to Switzerland, and then to South America to research experimental treatments. As I appraise his gaunt appearance, I wondered if they didn't take.

"Edward's boy is in surgery as we speak," I finally speak, my impatience getting the best of me.

"Even better news," Aro looks up, a brilliant smile on his face. "Gianna, please look into why it took so long to get the boy a heart. I dislike that our people at UNOS didn't treat this case with the consideration it was due."

My face remains pleasant, but neutral as Aro confirms my suspicion that he has placed some surgeons at the United Network for Organ Sharing. There really isn't any part of the medical industry that Volt doesn't have some influence over.

"Yes, sir," she replies, her attention still fixed on her computer. "I verified that Dr. Killian is heading up the surgical team, but Dr. Acklin is assisting, as you requested."

"Yes, Johann was very kind to arrive on such short notice," Aro says, as he writes something on a legal pad that's sitting in his lap.

"It sounds like everything is going well," I comment, unsure of what else he needs.

I could have just called him, but something about how he's dealt with this Edward situation makes me think that I might score some points by showing up in person.

"It does, indeed," Aro mumbles, as he finishes writing, and looks up at me. "How is Edward doing?"

"I didn't see him in person, but he seemed to be doing well the last time we spoke," I try to sound casual, despite the dread that's filling me.

I should have been pushing Edward to hang out, but every time that I've called him in the last week, he's either been too busy to talk or not answering his phone at all. It's strange, especially for Edward.

"Demetri," he sighs, as he looks up at me, and I know that I've fucked up. "You need to be a better friend than that."

"I know; I'm sorry, sir," I apologize, wringing my hands uselessly behind my back.

"I want you to stick close to our dear Edward. This is going to be a very stressful time for him," his voice softens as he glances at something on his bedside table.

"I won't let you down, sir," I nod, as he picks up a picture frame and gazes down at it.

I can't make out the image in the frame; his fingers are obstructing my view. Something about the way he looks at the picture makes me thankful that I don't know who it is.

"You should go, check on him," Aro waves his hand toward the door, and I let out a relieved sigh as I turn to leave.

"Demetri," Aro's voice stops me in the doorway

"Yes, sir?" I turn back, suddenly nervous all over again.

Aro is still staring at the picture, his head tilted down and a single lock of gray hair slides over his forehead. He looks ten years older, and yet infinitely more frail.

"If there is one directive that I ask that you hold onto, above all else, it is to take care of Edward," his voice is a soft whisper as he continues. "Be a good, no, be the best friend to him that you can be, no matter the cost."

His hazel eyes rise up to meet mine, and I notice a dullness that I've never seen before; I feel a strange shiver pass through me.

"I will try," I reply, nodding my head as he smiles at me, and this time I feel like someone's walked over my grave.

"Yes, you will." His voice is ominous as he waves his hand to dismiss me. Wasting no time, I quickly exit the room, and quicken my pace as I navigate the winding hallways of the mansion.


	19. You Can't Go Home Again

_"Love is the ultimate expression of the will to live."_

_Thomas Wolfe_

As I take the right onto La Push Road, the sun peeks over the top of trees and hits me right in the eyes, trying to blind me. Edward flips down my visor before I even have a chance to move, and I suppress the urge to swat his hand away. I'm too much of a coward to even look at him right now. I just keep my eyes on the road and try to beat down the panic that's making my chest ache. As the road turns into Ocean Front Drive, I look ahead for the turn off to my dad's place as my palms start to sweat.

La Push is my home. It's where I grew up, the place of my people, and it holds as much sanctity for me as the cold grave that holds my mother's body. I love my father and Seth, but this place is just a minefield of memories and regrets. Every time I return I feel the weight of the land and the people - my people.

_I can't breathe._

I force myself to take a deep breath and brave a glance over at Edward. His head is turned away from me as he stares out the passenger window. I'm sure the rusted cars on bricks in front of Wilson Dogtree's Auto Repair and barefoot children playing in the dirt road in front of us aren't impressing him one bit.

Why the fuck is he here? The better question is: Why the fuck did I ask him to come with me?

"Get out of the way, before I make you road pizza!" I scream out the window at the pack of children kicking up dirt and howling with laughter.

" _Hi, Mom. No, I'm fine. I just had a lot on my mind," Edward's voice seemed strained, like he had something lodged in his throat._

_I woke up as soon as I heard his phone ring, and he launched himself out of the bed to run into the living room. I should have rolled over and went back to sleep, but after his strange behavior last night I couldn't resist I eavesdropping on his conversation._

" _That's great news, I'm sorry that I wasn't there to see him come out of surgery. Do you know if the doctor...No, that's not...Hi, Dad."_

_I snuck closer to the living room, and peeked around the corner as he continued to talk._

" _Twenty four to forty eight hours before we can see him? Is that pretty standard?" Edward was hunched over on the couch, the fingers of his free hand knotted in his hair, his face hidden from my view. "I just have to shower and I can be down there...Well, I would still like to be there just in case...I realize that, but I still..."_

_He went quiet for a few minutes as he yanked on his hair, and grumbled softly._

" _I don't need to think about anything. I need to...I'm fine. Dad, please, I can't just sit here," he pleaded in strangled tone, as he pulled his hand free from his hair and shook it like it hurt. "All right. I'll wait for your call. I know."_

_He clicked off his phone and leaned back into the couch. He looked exhausted as he stared at the ceiling's dark shadows, that looked like bruises beneath his eye, and his cheeks looked hollow. It made me twitch with the need to touch him, to try to smooth away the tension that was wrinkling his forehead._

" _You can come out now," he sighed, turning his head and stretched his arm out toward me._

" _Is everything all right?" I shuffled over, and climbed onto the arm of the couch._

" _Yeah, Alec just got out of surgery," He said, grabbing my feet and putting them in his lap._

" _So that's what this is all about," I tried to sound light-hearted, but he immediately looked up at me, his face filled with confusion and concern. "You didn't give a lot of details last night."_

" _I suppose I didn't," he frowned, rubbing his thumb over the crusty burn cream that I put on his chest last night. "Leah...I'm sorry."_

" _It's not a big deal," I shrugged, and slid down into his lap. "So, now you get to wait?"_

" _Yes. Dad's staying at the hospital to monitor Alec's progress, and he will call once we're allowed to visit," Edward sighed, sliding his hands into my hair, and pulled me forward to press his mouth to mine. The kiss was hurried, almost desperate._

_I shifted back, placing my hands over his, and broke the kiss to look at him. The early morning sunlight made his hair look like burning copper, and his skin looked like smooth ivory, despite his stubble. I wished I could had a picture that captured how beautiful he looked. The sunlight brought me back to reality as I realized it was morning. I told Seth I would heading out as soon as I got up._

" _I need to go," I whispered, pressing my lips against his, and that same sense of dread that kept me here last night came back with a vengeance._

" _Of course," he said, his mouth making a strange shape that I think was supposed to be a smile, but it looked more like a grimace._

" _Maybe I could stay," I started to answered. I dreaded calling Seth once again to put him off, but I couldn't leave Edward when he was so messed up over Alec._

" _No, you should go," he insisted, but that lost look that I saw last night was still in his eyes._

" _Are you sure?" I asked, sliding my hand along his cheek, and he leaned into my palm._

" _Yes," he sighed, leaning close to kiss me, and moved me off his lap._

_I watched in silence as he rose from the couch and walked down the hall toward the bathroom. I sat there and replayed last night in my head. His cryptic question kept rolling through my mind._

_How could saving Alec's life hurt the Cullen's?_

_I shivered as I sat naked on Edward's couch, and realized that I was just wasting time. I needed to get my shit together and head to La Push before I lost any more of the morning. I didn't need to make this weekend more awkward and painful than it was already going to be._

_Edward is an adult, and it's not like he needed me playing nursemaid while he waited to hear back from the hospital. He made that clear when he left me in the living room. I walked down the hallway toward Edward's bedroom, but I stopped in front of the bathroom. The door was open just a crack and I could hear the shower running._

_He was freaking out about Alec, which was reasonable. The boy didn't seem like he was in the best of health when I met him. Surgery is scary enough, but when you're sick already it just increases the chances of something going wrong._ _I remembered how hard it was for my mother to go through a double mastectomy. I was a wreck while we waited to hear if she made it through the surgery. The hours crawled by, and it felt like any minute someone was going to walk through the door to tell us something went wrong. I don't know how I would have managed without my father being there, not to mention Uncle Charlie and Uncle Billy._

_The sound of something shattering jolted me out of my thoughts and sent me into a full-blown panic._

" _Edward!" I threw open the door and ran across his huge bathroom and pushed back the sliding glass door of his shower._

" _I'm fine," he spoke softly, his back to me, but even through the rolling clouds of steam I could see the cracked tile beneath the showerhead._

" _Bullshit!" I stepped into the shower, grabbing his shoulders and spun him around to face me._

_I couldn't tell if the tiny rivers of moisture streaming down his face were tears or water from the shower, but the expression on his face tore up my insides. He looked like he was about to jump off a cliff._ _I stared at him, wishing that I could figure out how to make him feel better._

" _I'm sorry," he said in a disturbingly calm voice, as he wrapped his long fingers around my wrists, and closed his eyes._

" _Come with me," I whispered,_ _before I knew what I'm saying._

_I could tell from the way that Edward's eyes popped open, he was just as surprised as I was._

" _Really?" His face looked so pale as his bleary eyes fixed on my face; I wanted to wipe away all the doubt and pain in that look._

" _Yes," I breathed out in a rush, and shrugged. "It's no Club Med, but at least you don't have to sit around and wait. We can head back after dinner."_

"Reminds me of someone I know," Edward laughs, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, and I look at where he's pointing beyond the windshield.

A pissy looking girl in a faded Miley Cyrus t-shirt is giving me the one finger salute as she takes her sweet time walking off the road, and out of my path of the truck. I turn back to look at Edward, who is still smiling as he watches the girl and I feel a weight lift from my chest. I can't even manage to be annoyed, because it's the first time I've seen him smile since yesterday morning.

"Funny, I didn't know you were that big of a Miley Cyrus fan," I reply, as I peel out, and shoot gravel in my wake.

As my father's house comes into view, I can see the edge of the trailer, my childhood home, sitting near the edge of the woods. The trees look the same as they have since I was child, when they were my safe haven. After Mom died, I'd spend all day running through the woods, hiding in old logs and pretending that I was someone else.

When Dad threatened to cut the whole forest down to keep me from running off, it made me so mad that I smashed my bedroom window and ran away. A few hours later, Uncle Charlie found me sitting in a booth at the Fork's Diner. He bought me a hot chocolate and listened to me cry about how my father hated me. After I cried myself out, he loaded me into his cruiser and drove me home.

" _You never give up on family, Leah. No matter how hard it gets," Uncle Charlie's voice was hoarse, like he was sick. He stared out the windshield, the lights from the passing cars made strange patterns on his face. "Please promise me you won't do this again. You mean too much to your family to leave them."_

" _I promise," I whispered, ashamed that I had disappointed him and probably my mother, too, if she were alive._

Pain twists in my chest as steer the truck up the narrow gravel path leading toward the garage, and I fight back tears. I don't want to deal with the guilt that comes with being here, and acknowledging that I was too weak to keep my promise to Uncle Charlie.

That's my answer. I'm a coward. I brought Edward because he will be a great distraction for Seth and Dad. He is a stranger and the first guy that I've brought home that didn't already live in La Push. With him here, I won't have to deal with being alone with my family and my guilt.

As I pull up next to Dad's Scout and put the truck in park, I turn to Edward, who is giving me a concerned look. I realize my face must be showing my anxiety and I force myself to smile. He reaches a hand up to the side of my face, hooking his finger on a clump of hair and pulls it from my mouth. I really am nervous; I didn't realize I'd been chewing my hair. _Shit!_ I'm falling into old fucking habits already.

_Not good, Clearwater!_

"LEAH!" Seth screams like a howler monkey as he lands in the bed of my truck, rocking it and probably fucking up my already bad shocks.

"I'm going to fucking kill him," I groan while Edward looks more amused than shocked. "Will you get the fuck out of there!" I scream as I open my door, but he already jumped out.

I climb out and turn to see Edward is already out of the truck and face to face with my little brother. I scramble to get around the front of the truck, to intercept Seth before he attacks Edward.

"And who is this dashing gentleman?" Seth gives me with a smirk that's asking if Edward is his _present_. "Hi, I'm Seth," Seth says, extending his hand to Edward, and winks at me.

"Nice to meet you, Seth. I'm Edward," he says as he shakes my brother's hand, and Seth gives me raised an eyebrow.

"Seth, be nice or I'll slit your throat." I give him a warning look, as I step up beside Edward, placing a hand on his shoulder as a clear sign of _mine._

Seth just smiles wider, and I fight the urge to strangle him.

"Well, Edward, welcome to our humble home." Seth wraps an arm around Edward's shoulder and turns him towards the house.

I watch them walk up to the front porch and take a moment to prepare myself as I look at the house. It's huge and beautiful, two stories with tons of room. Seth will be graduating soon and Dad will be left here alone. The world is fucked place. If it weren't, Mom would have gotten to see the house that Dad built for her; the one we'd all dreamed of having.

"Leah!" My father calls out and my stomach starts to do its typical flip-flop. Time to face the music.

My father stands on the front porch with his arms crossed, like a general ready for a battle. His expression is grim as he watches us come to a stop at the bottom of the stairs and my stomach turns inside out.

"Hey, Dad! Leah brought a friend," Seth pipes up, smiling, and patting Edward's shoulder. "This is Edward."

"It's a pleasure Mr. Clearwater," Edward's voice is surprisingly sure as he walks up the porch steps to present his open hand to my father.

Edward is either fucking crazy or the Cullen manners must be instinctive. Regardless, it's just about the worse thing he could do right now. No one in their right mind would ever approach my father like this, especially not a rich looking white boy that's obviously fucking his daughter. Seth used the word "friend," but I know my father and he's not dumb.

Harry Clearwater doesn't hate white people; after all Uncle Charlie is his best friend. It's another matter entirely when the white boy is diddling your daughter. I chew my bottom lip, and Seth twitches next to me as we watch my father stare at Edward's hand for several tense moments.

"Nice to meet you," my father finally replies, nodding, but doesn't take Edward's hand. "Leah, I need your help in the kitchen."

He turns and walks into the house, as Edward's shoulders droop.

"Fuck," I sigh under my breath, as I walk up next to Edward, and place my hand on his shoulder.

Relief and concern swirl inside me as Edward turns to look at me, a smile still on his face, but it's not reaching his eyes. I gently brush my fingers across his cheek, hoping that he will take some comfort from this small gesture.

"Leah!" My dad voice makes me jerk back and groan.

* * *

"Coming!" Leah yells as she jogs into the house, leaving me with her gorgeous boyfriend.

I would be excited if Edward didn't deflate like an empty balloon as soon as Leah disappeared from sight. He is pretty - holy shit, is he pretty - but he also looks like a stiff breeze could knock him over.

"How about a tour?" I ask softly, taking hold of his arm and pulling him into the house.

He just nods, blinking at the change in light as I lead him up the stairs.

"I'll show you Leah's room," I whisper conspiratorially as we reach the top of the stairs, and I head down the hallway.

I push open the door, and run inside, like the naughty boy I am. I hoot like an idiot as I jump into the air to belly flop onto Leah's bed. When we were young, I was never allowed in here, and after Leah left for Seattle, I lost interest in the room. It became a reminder of her absence, and I do better when I don't think about how lonely it is without Leah around. Despite that, I felt compelled to bring Edward in here. Like this piece of her will make him feel okay.

I glance up to see him hovering in the doorway. He's staring at the bright yellow Men at Work sign hanging on the door. Leah added her special touch to it, after Jacob hung it on her door as a joke. She added letters "WO" above "Men" with a black marker, and drew long hair on the male figure.

"Come on in," I call to him, as he smiles at the sign, and turns to look into the room.

"I don't know," he insists, slowly shaking his head even as he stares around the room with open curiosity.

He looks like a kid in a museum, a strange expression of awe and wonder on his face. I take a look around Leah's room, wondering what's got him all genuflecting. The thick maroon curtains are blocking out the late morning sunlight, casting the room in muted shades of red and gold. The drawing desk and bookshelf that Uncle Charlie made for her birthday years ago are still overflowing with books. Her closet doors are plastered with posters and pictures arranged in a messy collage.

"I can't," Edward's breathy, almost tight voice draws my attention back to the door in time to see him turn around, and step back into the hallway.

"Shit," I sigh, jumping up from the bed, and dash back into the hallway.

"I'm sorry," he says, looking way too guilty for refusing to snoop in my sister's room.

"It's okay, though her room is the only thing worth seeing up here. Trust me, you do not want to see Dad's room. The laundry pile is so big we named it Helga." I try to sound reassuring and offer him a wink.

Edward chuckles as he smiles a little wider.

"You think I'm joking; wait till you see the kitchen," I say with an exaggerated sigh, as I head back down the stairs.

Hopefully, Dad and Leah will be done with their father-daughter bonding that is usually just a series of awkward grunts. If I spend too much time alone with Edward, I might be tempted to convert his hot ass. How in the hell did Leah meet this guy?

"Is this Leah?" Edward's voice stops me on the stairs, and I turn to see him pointing at the brass-framed picture of my mom.

"Uh, no," I swallow past the lump in my throat, as I stare at my mother's blindingly beautiful smile, and shake my head. "That's our mother."

"She's beautiful," he whispers, but I can't tear my eyes away from my mother's picture.

"Yes, she was," my voice sounds clear enough, but I'm still struggling to get my emotions under control.

Normally my emotions aren't on a hair trigger, but it's Black Friday. Mom's holiday, and everything to do this weekend is about remembering her. Today is painful and awkward enough already. I don't need to start sobbing in front of a stranger. My eyes drift over the picture and settle on the heart shaped ruby necklace hanging around my mother's neck.

"You know there's a funny story about her necklace," I start to talk fast, hoping that I can lure him away from the photograph. "I bet I can get Leah to tell it to you."

* * *

My father is carefully cleaning up the carburetor that he's had dismantled and laid out across the dining room table for I don't know how long. His tools are laid out in a fanning pattern along one side of the table, and there are huge puddles of oil pooling around the car parts. I silently hope that it hasn't stained the wood, and try to remember where the tablecloths are stored as he glances over at me.

"Edward seems nice," he says awkwardly, clearing his throat, and puts his toolbox on the table.

"He's just a friend, Dad," I groan, as I drop the kitchen trashcan down in front of the open refrigerator and start to hunt for spoiled food.

"Right," my father says in his usual clipped tone that makes me feel like a twelve year old again.

After the morning I've had with Edward, I'm not in the mood for Clearwater guilt trips. I stand up, throwing a three month old container of cottage cheese into the trashcan like I'm trying to punch a hole through the floor with it, and glare at my father.

"Dad, please, it'll only be for the evening," I sigh, as my father stops loading his wrenches into his toolbox and looks at me.

"So you're not staying for the weekend?" His eyes look tired.

There's more gray in his hair than the last time I saw him, and there's something frightening about that. Harry Clearwater is the only parent I have left, and the idea of him getting older scares the shit out me.

"I have to get him back to the city. We are still staying for dinner," I reply with a weak shrug, and he turns back to his tools without saying anything.

"Leah!" Seth comes bursting into the kitchen door, dragging poor Edward behind him, and continues to chatter. "Trust me this is a great story."

"What?" I drop the rest of a liquefied head of cabbage into the trash before looking at them.

Edward looks a million times better, most of the tension has left his body, and he's got a genuine smile on his face as he watches Seth bounce with excitement.

"Tell Ed about the necklace," he blathers, skipping over, and turns on the faucet.

"Mom's necklace?" It's a dumb question, there's no other necklace he could be referring to, but I'm stalling to cover the tightening sensation in my throat.

Mom only had a couple of pieces of jewelry, and the only one that I really remember was a ruby heart that my father bought for her on their first date. It wasn't a real ruby, just a red-colored piece of plastic that Dad got out of the old quarter toy machines in front of Newton's General Store. Mom said that Dad was trying to get her a little Snoopy figurine, but he got the necklace instead. She said it was a sign, and that when she put it on she knew that she would marry my dad.

"Yeah, you know when we all went on the Bainbridge ferry? You tell it so well," Seth says, hopping up on the counter next to me, while I lather my hands, and hope I can get the cabbage slime off.

I pass my hands under the water, and then raise them up to my nose. The stench of sour rot smell is still clinging to them, so I pour more soap onto my hands and start scrubbing again. Seth's face appears beside me, his eyes are wide and pleading. I give him a frown, but it's just for show. I can't say no to Seth.

"Fine," I sigh, continuing to rub the soap into my skin, and trying to ignore the fact that Edward's there as I begin the story.

"I'll be in the garage," Dad mumbles, hoisting his toolbox under his arm, and heads out the kitchen door.

I glance over my shoulder as the kitchen door slams behind him. Even after all these years, he can't listen to me talk about Mom. Seth has always asked for stories, and Dad has never discouraged my telling them; he just can't be in the room for it.

"I'll check on him," Seth slides off the counter, and gently bumps me with his hip as he runs out the door after our father.

Seth is so much like Mom, always trying to care for everyone,. keeping the peace between me and Dad, and never giving us a chance to get too down. I turn back to rinse my hands and grab the dishtowel. My hands shake a little as I dry them, wondering if I've pulled Edward out the proverbial frying pan and into the minefield of my past. I'm mixing up metaphors, my head hurts, and it's not even noon.

"You don't have to tell me," Edward's breath spreads over my cheek as his body presses into my back, and his arms wrap around my waist.

"I don't mind," I sigh, turning around to face him and wrap my arms around his neck. "It's just hard for him. He still misses her after all these years, you know?"

He shifts, leaning back to put his hands on the sides of my face, and smiles.

"I can't imagine how hard it must be for him," he whispers, leaning in to press his lips to mine.

It's barely a kiss, just a warm press of flesh that sends a shiver through me. The tension slips from me as Edward's hand slides to the back of my neck, and pulls me even closer. I want to let go, just go limp in his arms, but the moment's cut short by a sound of clapping.

"Should I leave you two alone?" Seth smirks from the doorway, and I pull free of Edward's arms.

"You're just jealous," I snap, turning back to the sink, though I have nothing to really do.

"Appreciative," Seth corrects me as he saunters past to stand next to Edward. "The old man will be working on a project till dinner."

Seth makes little air quotes with his fingers, and I resist the urge to scream. Dad must be really pissed about me leaving early. He usually doesn't isolate until after he and Seth visit Mom's grave on Saturday morning.

"So, I don't suppose you told him the story via tongue meld?" Seth asks, as he grabs the garbage back and ties it closed, and I realize that he's not going to drop the subject.

It's not surprising; this has been one of his favorite stories about Mom since he was old enough to remember me telling him.

"I'm getting to it," I groan, slapping his leg to move him out of my way, so I can grab a new bag.

" _Momma, can we get hot chocolate when we get to Seattle?" I hopped up on the railing to lean over and stare at the dark blue water that rushed past the side of the ferry._

" _Sure, baby," Mom said, as she pinned Seth between her body and the railing to keep him still, while she zipped up his coat._

_Dad went to get our hats from the car, and I was getting really bored, but I knew that Mom was getting tired real easy lately. Uncle Charlie said that it was hard keeping up with kids like Seth and me. He said that I should try to help Mom and Dad, because I'm a big girl._

" _Look Birdie!" Seth started to flail his arms, and Mom lurched forward._

" _MOM!" I screamed, grabbing Seth's jacket as he fell over the side of the railing, and nearly slid off the railing myself as I held as tight as I could._

" _Leah! Seth!" My mother screamed as she grabbed Seth and I, and pulled us back. We all tumbled to the cold, wet floor of the ferry._

_My mother's wide eyes appeared in front of my face, as she pulled my brother from my still tight grip, and kissed my face. As she hugged us into her arms, I pressed my face to her warm skin and noticed that her necklace was gone._

" _Mom, your necklace," I stuttered, feeling strange and shaky._

_She glanced down, and shook her head._

" _It doesn't matter. I'm just so glad that you two are okay," she said, her voice raw as tears streamed down her face. "I just couldn't hold onto him. I'm so sorry, baby."_

_I stared at her, and the empty space on her chest where the necklace usually sat. It made me feel sick to think of her not having it. I looked around the floor around us and didn't see it. Then it occurred to me that it might have dropped in the water._

_I pulled free of her arms and scrambled over the side of the ferry before anyone could stop me. I was sure I could find it. I used to fish beer cans out of the creek behind our property, and trade them to Old Quil for a penny apiece. I was good swimmer, and I didn't know the water was as deep or as cold as it was._

"They had two Coast Guard boats and a helicopter come to help fish her out of the water," Seth laughs, leaning against the counter, and smirks at me.

"It was one boat," I correct him, as I shove the trashcan under the sink and close the cupboard.

"Uncle Billy said that she was banned from the Washington ferry system for life," Seth cackles loudly, and elbows me in the arm.

"Yeah, because Uncle Billy has never been known to exaggerate. Like the time he told you that you were going to turn into a wolf when you grew up," I reminded him, as I shoved a bag of potatoes and a peeler in his hands.

I finally work up the courage to look at Edward, trying to suppress my self-consciousness as I raise my eyes. He's wearing an amused smirk as he walks up to join Seth at the sink.

"I think she went after the necklace because she wanted to have it when she grew up. Uncle Billy says that mom used to let her wear it on her birthday," my brother whispers to Edward, as I pull down the crockpot, and grab the roast out of the refrigerator.

"He's just jealous, because he doesn't have the skin tone to carry off red," I remark loudly, as I tear open the package and dump the roast in the pot.

"As if!" Seth turns to point the peeler at me like it's a knife. "You know I'm the one with the looks in this family."

"If by looks you mean, looks slutty, then you're right," I counter and make a run for the pantry before he can throw a potato at my head.

"Harpy!" Seth calls after me as the phone starts to ring, and I freeze in front of the pantry doors.

I take a deep breath, and head back into the kitchen. There's only person that could be calling right now, and I really don't want to talk to her. Seth looks between the phone and me, before he turns back to continue peeling potatoes. _Coward._ I take another deep breath before finally picking up the receiver.

"Hello," I say, trying to hide the annoyance in my voice, it will only piss her off more.

"Your father should be finished repairing my lawnmower, bring it with you when you come over," Auntie Ruth's sandpaper voice is as unmistakable as her bitchy, authoritative tone.

"We're kind of in the middle of making -" she cuts me off, before I came try to worm my way out of seeing her.

"NOW!" She hangs up before I can argue anymore.

I stare at the receiver for a second before hanging it up, and turn to see Seth looking like a timid puppy and Edward's curious gaze.

"Fuck me sideways!" I groan.

* * *

The smell of stale cigarettes, musty newspaper and sage hangs in the air, making me feel itchy as I walk into Auntie Ruth's doublewide trailer. Her kitchen is immaculate, but her living room is a completely different story. The tiny card table that sits between her chair and her twenty year old television is overflowing with crap. Magazines, coupons, old newspapers and half a million other useless pieces of paper are slowly sliding off to the floor. There's a pile of crumpled papers that one of her seven cats has turned into the crumpled nest.

I step around his furry fat ass to reach the refrigerator, and get my ankle swiped for my trouble.

"Sarah Whiteriver tells me that you brought a white boy with you," she croaks around her cigarette, and I stiffen as I set the platter of cold cuts - the traditional "polite" gift that's expected on these visits visits-on the shelf.

News travels fast on the rez, but this is fucking ridiculous. As I think about it, I bet that one of those kids that were on road is Sarah Whiteriver's grandkids. I should have run those little shitheads down.

"He's a _friend_ ," I sigh, wishing for her to drop the subject, as I start to close the small door and notice it's hanging at an angle.

I'm going to have to call Paul and have him come out to fix it. Fucker needs to keep up on his family obligations.

"Sure," she laughs, sounding like she's gargling sandpaper and erupts into coughing fit before continuing. "Just like your mother was friends with that Swan boy."

"Drop it, Ruth," I growl, slamming the refrigerator door.

"Better put a tone of respect in your voice, girl," Ruth's voice rumbles as she tips her ash into the overflowing ashtray and shifts in her recliner so she can give me the stare down.

"Yes, ma'am," I sigh, taking a seat across from her, and try to not think about what her comment about Uncle Charlie means.

Jacob told me that Uncle Billy said my mother had "dated" other people before my dad, and insinuated that Uncle Charlie was one of those guys. I didn't think about it too much because the Black Family is known for being gossips, always dishing dirt like a couple of bored housewives. As Auntie Ruth took a dramatic pause to light a new cigarette off the butt of her old one, I wondered if there wasn't more to the story.

"Do I need to tell you about Moon and Nightrunner?" she asks, blowing a thick stream of smoke in my face, as she stares at me over her reading glasses. "I would have thought your mother had done right by you and told you already."

"She did," I try to keep my voice neutral as I grab a cheap, daisy-covered paper napkin with to wipe up the ashes from the top of her plastic table cloth.

"Look at me," her voice is stern, and I raise my eyes to meet hers. "You come from a union between two lines of Quileute chiefs. You are the future of our people."

I feel my brain shut off as she starts her same old rant, about how my womb is the salvation of the fucking tribe. I'm so done with this shit.

"You should know better than to waste your time on unworthy suitors," Ruth takes a long drag on her cigarette and starts to wave it at me like she's scolding me. "That Uley boy was a close enough call. To think you almost married one of those no good, back stabbing drunks! Your grandfather Ephraim would turn over in his grave!"

"Is there a point to this trip down memory lane?" I interrupt her, grabbing the ashtray and carefully carrying it to the garbage can.

"The point is that you can tell yourself whatever you want when you're off this reservation living your little fantasy, but sooner or later the fantasy will end," She was suddenly standing right next to me, her withered hand gripping my wrist, as she stared me down. "You can dress like them and talk like them, but you were born Quileute and you will die Quileute."

"Got it," I growl, pulling my wrist free of her grip and replacing it with her empty ashtray. "Now if you don't mind, I need to take out this trash."

"Leave it," she says, waving the ashtray like a scepter, and returns to her chair. "We still have more to talk about."

I stare at her for another second, before sighing and taking a seat.

* * *

"How is your Aunt?" My father chooses the worst subject possible to break his silent sulking, handing the dish of green beans to Edward while staring at me.

I was sure he was going to hide out in the garage for the rest of the day, but the smell of Mom's pot roast recipe drew him out. She used to say that she could rouse the spirits of the elders with the right combination of bay leaves and garlic.

"Same as usual," I sigh, catching sight of Seth mouthing the word "bitchy" to Edward who smiles, and dishes out green beans onto Seth's plate before serving himself.

"You double checked that the mower was working before you left, right?" Dad gives me a stern look while I take a deep breath and bite my tongue to keep from snapping at him.

"Yes. It works great," I say slowly, and stab my pot roast with my fork.

"Now, Paul has no excuse not to take care of her yard, right Dad?" Seth cut into the conversation with a mouthful of food.

"I wouldn't put it past him to snake out of it," Dad grumbles, tearing open a roll and starts to butter it.

"The roast tastes fantastic," Edward comments, as he carefully slices a little square piece of roast, stabs it with his fork and puts it in his mouth.

_He eats like a woman._

I glance at my father who's slyly watching Edward, with a raised eyebrow, and I wonder if I should just end this perfect day by jamming my fork in my throat. I lower my eyes to my food, and hope that the rest of the evening will pass quickly so we can just get the hell out of here.

"Oh, Ed, I found that old Carhartt, so you should be set for the party," Seth mumbles around another mouthful of food, and my brain does a summersault.

"What party?" I snap, as I stare down Seth, and tighten my grip on my fork.

"The Black Friday party, dumbass! I'm lending Edward a warmer jacket, since his is so thin. You know how windy it can get down on First Beach this time of year," Seth chuckles, and elbows Edward as he turns back to his food.

"We're leaving after dinner," I sputter, as I jerk in my seat, and knock over my glass of water.

I try to mop up the water, and Dad abruptly stands up from the table.

"Actually," Edward interrupts, looking hesitant, as he continues. "We can stay longer, if you would like to. Seth invited me, and I thought that you wouldn't mind."

I have another spastic convulsion, knocking over the vase of flowers, and Seth starts to laugh. My father is still standing in front of his chair, staring at Edward and I. Seth is grinning like a fucking idiot, and Edward's leaning across the table to gather up the flowers.

"I thought that you wanted to get back to check on Alec," I whisper, snatching the flowers out of his hand, and cram them back into the vase.

"I called home while you were at your aunt's. They won't be allowing visitors until tomorrow afternoon. We just need to be back by one," he says, quickly returning to his seat, and gives me a strange look.

"So that means you guys are staying, right?" Seth smiles like a hyena, making me want to throw my plate at his head, but Dad is finally sitting again.

Dad shovels potatoes into his mouth, a contented look on his face, and the sight breaks the last of my resistance.

"Yeah, I guess so," I mumble, grabbing my empty glass, and stand. "I'm getting a beer."

"I guess that means I'm the DD," Seth calls after me as I practically run into the kitchen, and hide behind the closed door.

I wasn't planning on Edward wanting to stay. Seth's all star struck and he going to push for us to go the fucking First Beach for the Black Friday party. What the fuck was I thinking bringing Edward here? My heart is beating so fast I think I'm going to pass out. I can't deal with this, Aunt Ruth was bad enough, but everyone else. I need to be drunk, or dead. Yeah, dead would be preferable to dealing with everyone, including Edward, not to mention them all them being in the same place at the same time.

_I'm going to kill Seth!_

* * *

"I'll see what's taking her so long," Seth says with a wink, and runs up the stairs.

I can't help smiling as I watch him go. Leah's brother is great. In so many ways he reminds me of Leah, yet there's a carefree nature to him that is his own. It's strange to me that I never knew that Leah had a brother, though I shouldn't be surprised. There seems to be a great deal about this place that makes Leah uneasy.

"Edward," Leah's father walks into the foyer, and nods toward the front door. "A word."

"Ah, sure," I reply, as he walks past me to push on the door, and holding it open for me.

He takes a seat in a weathered rocking chair on the porch, and pulls out a leather pouch. I walk over to lean against the soft wood of the railing.

"Beautiful night, don't you think?" His voice is deep, as he packs tobacco into the pipe and lights a match on the arm of the chair.

"Yes," I sigh, letting the spicy smoke from his pipe flow over me, and turn my eyes to the darkening night sky.

There's something heartbreaking and lovely about this place. It feels familiar, and unlike any place I've visited. I've lived in Washington all of my life, but I've never really looked at it. The trees sway in a light breeze, their branches weave together to surround the house, and break open to reveal an empty lot across the dirt road.

The rhythmic creak of Mr. Clearwater's rocking chair echoes in the twilight. Then it stops, I try to not tense as I hear his footsteps approach me. He leans against the railing a few feet from me. His eyes are squinting as he looks out into the distance. I turn back to stare at the beautiful untouched landscape.

"See that patch of land there?" He points, with the stem of his pipe, at the long unbroken line of rolling grass that fades into the horizon.

"Yes, it's beautiful," I say, glancing at him from the corner of my eye. He's still staring at the land as he puts the pipe to his lips and inhales deeply. Thin tendrils of smoke slip free from his lips, and disappear in the wind.

"It's been in my wife's family for more generations that I can count," he says, as he breathes out a large puff of smoke, and smiles. It's a small, almost private gesture that he probably isn't even aware that he's doing it. "The first Ephraim Black, a great chief and warrior, left it to his sons."

I nod my head, and turn my eyes back to stare at the land. The long grass lies on its side, looking like thick waves of golden hair. There are several dips and bumps in the ground.

"He said that it should remain as it is," Mr. Clearwater's voice is deep, and resonates in my mind. I can almost see Ephraim Black as a strong, stern looking man with Leah's eyes, speaking with her father's voice as he tells his sons: "Its purpose is to stay just as it has been, for all time."

"That's wonderful," I say it, as I feel my throat tighten. I don't really know why, but this story means something to me.

"Yes, it is," he's suddenly right next to me. His strong hand is gripping my shoulder, and I try to not flinch away from the pain it drives through me. "That's where you'll spend eternity if you ever hurt my daughter."

I raise my eyes to look at Harry Clearwater, and feel myself smile.

"I won't disappoint you, sir," I speak with confidence that I didn't know I had. He just nods as he taps his pipe on the railing.

"See that you don't," he says, as he slips the pipe into his pocket, and walks back into the house.

A few seconds later Seth appears in the doorway, his hair is shining and spiky.

"You ready to go?" He asks, as Leah appears behind him and pushes him out of the way.

As she passes me, I reach out to take hold of her hand, and she stops. Her eyes rise to meet mine, as her hand twists, weaving our fingers together. A small, uneasy smile spreads over her lips.

"Ready," I say with a smile.


	20. Woman's Work

"Leah, come sit down," Auntie Ruth patted the folding chair next her, and took another long drag on her cigarette.

I swallowed hard, taking the seat, and tried to not look at the empty space where my mother's casket had been sitting only an hour earlier. We had just walked back from the grave, and Dad told me to wait while he got the truck. Auntie Ruth had stayed behind because of her bad hip, and I had come to get her. I didn't like to talk to her; she smelled, and always seemed so grumpy.

"Now that your mother's passed, it's time I told you some important things about being a woman," she paused to exhale a stream of smoke, and I muffled my cough with the back of my hand. "You're a little young to understand it all, but you still need to hear it."

"We're ready!" Paul came jogging into the room. His tie was missing, and his hair had grass in it from when he helped drag Sam out of the funeral.

"Tell your uncle I'm talking with Leah. We'll be there in a bit," Auntie Ruth's stern tone made Paul flinch and turn on his heels.

She watched him walk out the door, and then turned back to me. I felt uncomfortable with her attention, and lowered my eyes to the floor. Her hand took hold of my chin, and yanked it up at a painful angle.

"Lesson one: You are a Clearwater. Your mother was a Black. You lower your eyes for no one! One day you will sit on the tribal council, just as your mother did, and others will look to you for strength. Especially men," she sighed heavily. She took another drag from her cigarette, shaking her head as she exhaled.

"Quileute men are like wild dogs. They need a strong woman to guide them or before you know it, they're burning down the house and peeing on the lawn. Now that your mother is gone, you need to help your father and brother. They need you to be strong for them. Men don't know how to deal with real pain. I've survived the death of a husband and two sons. I didn't cry and wail like some weakling. I accepted my lot, and continued to lead my people in the manner they needed, and some day you will, too."

* * *

I lean my head on Edward's shoulder as Seth steers my truck down the narrow dirt road that leads to First Beach. I couldn't stop thinking about Auntie Ruth, and how much I wanted to leave this place.

"Are you comfortable?" Edward whispers, his hand sliding under my knees, and moving them to rest over the tops his legs.

"I'm fine," I sigh into his neck, wrapping my arms around his bicep, and try to press closer to him.

I feel like a big baby. I'm supposed to be taking care of him, but here I am practically crawling into his lap.

"Of course you are," he chuckles softly, running his hand over my leg, and squeezing my thigh as he kisses my hair.

I lift my head, and he turns to look at me. It's too dark to make out his facial features clearly, but his eyes seem to sparkle in the dim light of the truck cab. His hand touches my cheek, brushing my skin in small circular strokes. I open my mouth, but I don't know what to say. A stray flash of light illuminates his face, allowing me to see that he's smiling, and my chest tightens at the sight.

He shifts, leaning his head down so closely that his breath glides in a hot stream of air across my lips. I moan as he presses his mouth against mine. His tongue slips between my lips, and I move closer. His hand slides up my leg to cup my ass. He moans as I suck his tongue even deeper into my mouth, and grind my lower body against him. This is what I need. I need him to distract me, to make me forget about what's waiting for me on the beach, and all of Auntie Ruth's bullshit wisdom.

"Uh, guys? I'm still here, you know," Seth's voice breaks through the moment of calm, and my fear returns as I catch sight of the pull off for First Beach.

* * *

Over a dozen cars and trucks are jammed into a small cement pad that overlooks the beach. As Seth steers Leah's bulky truck into a tight space between two small cars, I glance around to see I can spot any other people.

"Let's go kids," Seth says, turning off the engine and opens his door.

I step out of the truck, and hold the door open for Leah as the salty smell of the ocean washes over me. I inhale deeply, as she closes the door with loud slam. She looks worried. She fidgets with her hair, pulling it away from her face, and starts to pull it into a ponytail.

"Leave it down," I say, brushing my fingers along her forehead and down her cheek, and giving her a reassuring smile.

"You win," she sighs heavily. She drops her hands to her side allowing her hair flows down over her shoulders.

Her hair shimmers in the in the moonlight, making her look even more beautiful, almost regal. I press my palm against her cheek, and lean over, intending to kiss her again, when she suddenly tenses.

"Paul!" Seth barrels past us. Leah bats my hand away from her face and follows him.

"Settle down there, sailor," a tall man laughs, as Seth runs up to punch his shoulder.

Paul is a little shorter than Seth, but something in his features reminds me of Leah's father.

"You need to check on Ruth more often," Leah interrupts their exchange, putting her hands on her hips, as I move to stand beside her. "Her place is falling apart and the yard is a fucking jungle."

"Nice to see you too Leah," Paul replies, glancing at me, and frown. "Who's your... _friend?"_

"This is _my_ friend, Edward," Seth says, grabbing my arm, and pulling me forward.

I don't say anything as Seth squeezes my arm, and Paul's posture seems to relax.

"Hey there, Edward," Paul says, extending a hand toward me, and I shake it, wondering if I should have come here at all.

"Let's get going," Leah's voice sounds strange. I turn to look at her, but her back is facing me, and she is already walking between the cars toward the beach.

"As the queen commands," Paul mutters, as he slapping my back and walks after her.

"I'm sorry, I should have warned you before we came," Seth whispers, putting his arm around my shoulders, and we start to walk.

"Warned me?" I ask, though I suspect that I know what he's about to say.

"It's better if everyone thinks you're my friend," he points out. We walk past the lines of cars, and the beach comes into view.

A huge bonfire takes up the center of the activity. Several groups of people are mingling near it, talking and laughing. They look like a family. They also look nothing like me.

"So Leah shouldn't be seen with _me_? A white guy, right?" My voice sounds flat, and I try to swallow my resentment before it turns into bitterness.

"You have to understand, Edward. We're a small tribe, and a lot people aren't as open-minded about this kind of thing," Seth says quietly, glancing down at the party, and shakes his head. "Especially when it comes to someone from our family. Quileutes are protective of their women, but even more so when they are the descendents of two legendary chiefs."

He turns back to me, and I force myself to give him a smile that feels wrong on my face right now.

"I guess I understand," I reply, watching Leah walk through the sand; each step is strong and determined.

Several heads turn as she enters the party, and I see it in their eyes. Leah means something to these people, their faces transform when they see her. A gaggle of women screams her name and rush over to her. Several men turn to look at her in a way that makes me want to smash their faces into the ground.

"How did we meet?" I turn to look at Seth, and his face is apologetic. I feel a little guilty for making him uncomfortable. "We should get our story straight before we get down there, right?"

"Yes, of course," he says, nodding his head. "I met you while visiting Leah a few months ago, okay?"

"Sounds good," I reply with a nod, and start walking down toward the rest of the group.

"Seth!" A young girl runs up to hug him.

"Clairebear, how are you?" Seth laughs, as she begins to chatter. I take a moment to check on Leah.

She's at the center of circle of women, a smile on her lips, but I can see tension in her posture. One woman standing beside her is touching her swelling belly as she talks and laughs. Leah nods, then turns and walks away from the group. I start to walk toward her, hoping to catch up, when I feel a hand on my arm.

"This is Edward," Seth says, as I turn around to notice he is watching Leah too, and frowning.

"Hi, I'm Claire," she greets me with a wave. Her dark hair is cut in a bob that keeps brushing her chin as she bounces.

"It's nice to meet you," I reply, unsure of what else to say to this girl.

"Claire, how about you help Edward find a place to sit, while I get us something to drink," Seth says, walking past me. "I'll check on her," he whispers, and I force myself to stay where I am while he jogs off toward Leah.

"Claire, are you a student?" I start the conversion casually, as we begin to walk toward a group seated on driftwood logs. My questions is a sad attempt at distracting myself.

"I'm a freshmen at Udub," she replies. As she continues to talk, we settle down on a log, side by side, and I search the faces to see anyone familiar.

* * *

"Beer?" Jared asks, when I approach the keg. He turns to fill a plastic cup.

"Yes, please," I sigh, turning around to look at the rest of the party.

I can't stand it; all the eyes staring at me, wondering if I'm back for good. It's like a weight around my neck, dragging me down, making me want to leave. Every visit it gets worse - more questions and pressure to return.

"Since when did Seth start dating prissy rich boys?" Paul appears beside me. He reaches out to take the beer that Jared offered to me, draining half of it in one gulp.

"He's just a friend, a straight friend," I correct him. I'm not sure why.

It would be easier if they believed that Edward is gay, but I couldn't stop myself from saying something. I look over to where Claire is chattering at Edward, and wonder where Seth disappeared to. I hoped that he would stay with Edward for a little bit, so I could summon enough courage to rejoin the group and try to explain the situation. We should have prepared him before we came, but I was too busy moping.

"I guess it doesn't really matter, in the end, it's up to you to bring honor to the family name," Paul says, and lets out a loud belch. "It sure as shit ain't gonna be me."

Paul tries to sound casual, but I know better. While, he's been considered the family fuck up for years, but deep down he wants to be a good man. We thought that he was on the right track when he started dating Rachel, but after she dumped him, before she left for college. Since then it seems like he gave up on trying to be anything more than an angry asshole. Some times being a dick is all you got left.

"That's for sure," Jared laughs, slapping Paul on the back and hands me a full cup of beer.

"Yeah," I reply, taking the cup and start to drink.

It's better if I don't speak. I always get myself into more trouble that way. While drinking may not help with that, I fucking need something right now.

"Jared have you finally grown a set and asked out Kim, or am I going to finally give her a test drive?" Paul gives Jared a hard stare as he speaks, a sinister grin on his face. I tighten my grip on my cup.

I don't want to break up a stupid fight, but as Jared's face turns dark red, I'm preparing to jump in between them, when Seth suddenly appears.

"How's it hanging, Jared?" Seth sets a hand on Jared's shoulder, looking chipper, but I recognize the look in his eyes.

He's getting better at it every year, so much like Mom in how he can bring calm wherever he goes.

"Hey Seth," Jared mumbles, turning his back to Paul, and grabs a cup from the stack. "Wanna beer?"

"No thanks, I'm driving," Seth says, shaking his head. He turns to look at me with big brown eyes that are asking if I'm holding up.

I just roll my eyes, down the rest of my beer, and refill my cup. Seth is hovering, and it's pissing me off. I may not be in the best of moods, but I'm not emotional wreck. He doesn't need to watch me like I'm a fucking time bomb.

"I'm going to say hi to Claire," I say over my shoulder as I continue to drink, and walk away from them.

_Fucking men._

* * *

"We're starting the program on a small scale at first, just a few one on one sessions with volunteers. Once we establish how the systems works, we will start offering it for free on the tribe's website," Claire says, pausing for a second to take a gasp for breath, then gives me a bright smile.

"So, anyone interested in learning the Quileute language can just go to the website?" I ask out of honest curiosity, and hear a laugh behind me.

"Who the hell would go to some website when they can just go to Old Quil, like we all do?" A young, obviously buzzed young man sways as he speaks, and shakes his head.

"This is for other people, not Quileutes, who might want to learn the language, dummy," Claire replies, rolling her eyes, and gives me an apologetic look.

"I think it sounds great," I tell her, and smile.

"I think it's sounds stupid," the young man sneers, standing up to lean toward us, and I shift to shield Claire.

"You don't know what you're talking about you drunk idiot!" Claire yells, as she stands up. I immediately stand up beside her, wondering how I can defuse this situation.

"I don't know what I'm talking about?" He yells, swaying closer, and I raise my hand.

"Why don't we talk about-" I'm cut off as he turns to look at me.

"Why don't you shut your fucking face?" He spits at me, and then turns back to Claire. "I wonder what Quil would think if he found out that while he's risking his life in a desert halfway around the world, his girlfriend is whoring it up with some white boy."

Claire gasps, and I step forward to tell him to leave.

"Brady!" Leah's voice is unmistakable as it cuts through the conversation, and I look up to see her beautiful face illuminated in the firelight.

Brady swivels to look at her, and I see his whole body tense.

"It was just a misunderstanding," his voice cracks slightly, and his head drops down.

"Fuck off, before I tell your grandmother that you just called Isaac Bright's granddaughter a whore," she speaks with a air of authority that I've never before, but it makes her glow with strength.

"I'm sorry," Brady mumbles, as he quickly walks away from us, and doesn't look back.

"Leah!" Claire runs past me to hug Leah, and I watch them in wonder.

"You need to eat more. I feel like I'm hugging a stick," Leah laughs, as they pull themselves apart and sit down.

"Ugh, you sound like my mother," Claire laughs, and leans her head on Leah's shoulder. "I've put on the freshman twenty, I swear."

Leah smiles down at Claire as the girl continues to chatter about school and her family. As I watch, I scoot down the log to get closer, and lightly brush my fingers over the back of Leah's hand. She glances at me, and smiles, before turning back to ask Claire about her plans for the winter break. I take her smile as a sign that I can get closer, so I move in, and try to catch up with the end of the conversation.

"So I was telling Edward about the language program, and how we're hoping to have the site up by the summer," and finally a breath while beaming at Leah.

"Well, that sounds really ambitious, but I think you guys have a good plan," Leah replies. She brushes Claire's hair away from her face, and puts her arm around the girl's shoulders. "Just remember, you don't have to solve the all the world's problems in the first year."

"I know," Claire laughs, as she leans into Leah, and looks bashful. "I just wanted to try to get this going. I remember how you used to talk about it all the time. How if outsiders could grasp the true beauty of our people, and our heritage, it could help preserve our way of life."

Claire looks at Leah with awe and wonder that moves me. I've never had anyone look at me like that before, and I can't imagine how it must feel to be regarded this way. Leah shakes her head and makes a dismissive snorting sound. How does she handle this pressure and the intensity of their attention?

"It was my mother's dream, more than mine, but I'm glad it inspired you," she shrugs, and squeezes Claire's shoulders.

"Well isn't this the cozy picture," Paul says, sitting down next to me, and I immediately shift away from Leah. "Tell me Edward, what do you think of First Beach?"

He puts an arm around my shoulders, and leans in close to fill my nose with the scent of beer.

"It's beautiful," I reply, glancing at Leah, who looks angry as she stands up.

"Paul, leave him alone," she says, pushing his head with her hand, and he jumps up so fast that I nearly fall backward off the log.

"Don't treat me like one of your little boys!" Paul yells. I regain my balance, and rise to my feet.

"Then stop acting like one!" Leah argues, pushing me behind her before I can speak.

"What's the matter? Am I going to say something that'll embarrass you in front of your little boytoy?" Paul laughs, stepping closer to her, and puts his face mere inches from hers.

"Shut your fucking mouth," Leah's voice is low and threatening.

"Or what? You gonna tell our dead grandmother that I called you a whore? It's not like we don't know that alread - ," Paul is cut short as Leah's fist slams into his throat.

He jerks backward, clutching at his throat, and starts to cough. Several people laugh and clap as a small crowd builds around us. The applause only seems to spur Paul on. He straightens himself up and rubs his throat. I grab Leah's arm, and pull her back so I can get myself between them.

"Edward, I can handle this," she protests, as I switch our places, to face Paul.

"Edward," Paul croaks, as the menacing grin reappears on his face. "She's probably right, you better let her fight. You wouldn't want me to mess up that pretty face."

Paul winks, and flashes his teeth in menacing grin.

"Don't worry about me; I'm not the one that just got sucker punched by a woman," I say, grinning back at him, feeling my anger coiling inside me like a snake that is ready to strike.

"You son of a bitch!" Paul charges toward me. I shift my weight in response, preparing to throw a punch.

"Paul!" A deep male voice cuts over the sound. A tall, broad-shouldered man parts the crowd and Paul freezes in place.

As soon as Paul sees the other man his posture changes. I relax my own, and reach back to touch Leah, but she shifts away. I turn around to see her slowly back away, her eyes on the new man.

"Sam, this asshole just insulted me," Paul starts to argue, but the other man closes the remaining space between them, and stares.

"You insulted Leah first," Sam replies, as he comes to a stop, towering over Paul. "Dishonoring a Quileute woman is the same as spitting on the spirit of our elders."

He sounds like he's quoting something, and several heads in the crowd give solemn nods. Paul deflates slightly, and glances at me. As Sam leans in close, he whispers something to him, and I see something change in Paul's eyes; the rage is gone. It is replaced with something that looks like pain.

"She will come back to you," I catch a snippet of Sam's words, as Paul closes his eyes and nods.

Sam wraps his arms around Paul's shoulders, giving him a hearty slap on the back as an older woman appears beside them. She wraps her arm around Paul's waist and leads him away.

"My apologies, beer brings out the worst in men, sometimes," Sam says with a bright welcoming smile, and extends a hand toward me.

"Happens to the best of us," I reply, shaking his hand, unsure of what else to say.

"That it does." He looks earnest as he releases my hand, and I feel myself relax.

A group of men walk up to us, and one of them approaches Sam.

"Sam, we're ready to start," the young man says in a very serious tone.

"Thanks Jared, we'll be there in a second," Sam says, patting Jared's shoulder, and turns back to me as the group of men walk back down the beach.

"I'm sorry, what's your name?" Sam asks, as the rest of the party starts to gather near where the group of men are heading.

"Edward," I reply, as I smile, and wonder why they're gather together.

"Edward, it's great to meet you. I'm assuming this is your first time at Black Friday?" He pats my shoulder, and starts to lead me toward the crowd.

"Yep," Claire replies for me, as she appears at my side, and takes my arm.

"Great, we're about to start," Sam says, releasing his hold on me, and starts to push through the crowd toward the edge of the water.

Clair keeps pushing me, so I follow in Sam's wake, curious to see what's going to happen. Suddenly, we reach the edge of the crowd, and Claire yanks on my arm. I come to an abrupt stop, and look at the people around us. They're lined up along the beach, all eyes pointed at Sam and a group of men that are standing beside an intricately decorated canoe.

"I didn't know that you and Leah..." Claire whispers in my ear, breaking me out of my daze.

"We're not, I mean, we're just friends," I say, without thinking, as I watch Sam and the other men carefully arrange something inside the canoe, their bodies obscuring my view.

"Oh, I guess that's good, or that might have been kind of weird," she continues, as I pull my attention away from the canoe and focus on her again.

"What do you mean, getting in a fight with Paul?" I laugh, because it sounds a little ridiculous.

"No, I mean you meeting Sam," Claire whispers, as she tugs on my arm.

"I don't follow," I say, as I continue to scan the rest of the group to find Leah, and wonder why she disappeared.

"You know, Sam and Leah used to be engaged," she speaks in an even softer tone, as she leans in close, and makes a face. "It could have been way awkward, right?"

"Right," I mumble, shifting my gaze in time to see Sam pull off his shirt, and the other men follow suit.

He has an intricate network of tattoos covering his upper back and arms. The designs look native, and I assume they're Quileute. Set in the center of his back is a large silhouette of a wolf with its head pointed upward, as if it is howling. The other men have similar tattoos, though not as large, and suddenly Leah's story come back to me.

_He took two wolves, a male, and a female, and he transformed them into the first Quileutes._

"Yeah, I don't think she's ever really gotten over their break-up. I know I never would have if I were her," she sighs, as Sam and the other men turn to face the crowd.

"Welcome to Black Friday," Sam says with his arms raised, and the crowd erupts into applause. "We have a couple of new faces, so I hope you'll bear with me as I explain it."

There are a couple groans and some laughter in the crowd, but they quiet quickly as the men around Sam glare at the offending parties.

"We are a small tribe, but we are a great people. Quileutes are legendary whalers, fisherman that ruled this coast for countless generations, but as time passed, we lost our way. Our young people began to travel away from our lands, and their connection to their people faded. When Sue Clearwater was still known as Sue Black, she started the Black Friday tradition. Each year she would call every single family on the rez. She collected the names of any family member that lived away from La Push, and she would track them down. She would call to them as the land once called to us; she would bring them home for once a year to be together, and to remember. She continued her tradition until the year she died," Sam pauses, closing his eyes, as if out of respect, but there's some deeper emotion playing across his features that looks like grief.

When he opens his eyes, they glisten in the reflected firelight.

"We call this day Black Friday, to remember her, and to remember ourselves. Thank you Sue, for all that you gave us, and for the gifts that we have yet to receive," as he finishes a pregnant woman breaks away from the group, and approaches him slowly.

I recognize her as the woman that was speaking to Leah earlier. She takes Sam's hand, and his expression transforms when he sees her. He straightens visibly when a young man appears beside them, holding a torch.

"Jacob Black could not come tonight, but it is tradition for a Black to light the fire for Sue's canoe. Seth Clearwater, Sue's son, has granted me the great honor of lighting this year's fire in his cousin's stead," he says, taking the torch, and walks over to the canoe. He lays the tip of the torch into the center of the canoe. Now that it is clearly illuminated, I see that it's filled with straw and newspaper, to help it burn.

"Traditionally, we used to send our dead out to sea in their canoe, but since we can't anymore, we burn canoes in their honor, as a kind of gift," Claire whispers in my ear, answering my unspoken question, as we watch the men push the canoe out into the water

The tide quickly pulls it out into the rolling, black swells of the ocean, as a strange sense of loss overwhelms me. I glance down and see tears streaming down Claire's cheek. As I scan the other faces around me, I see the same expressions that mirror the emotions sweeping through me. Finally, my eyes fall upon Sam and the woman that I assume is his wife. He is cradling her face in his large hands, and she is smiling up at him. Their love is so obvious I can practically see it flow through the air between them. I turn from them, and the cold feeling of envy running through me, as I continue to scan the crowd looking for Leah.

* * *

It was Auntie Ruth's fault; it always is when it comes to tribal shit. At the end of the day, even my love life boiled down to tribal shit. I was stressed out. Graduation was coming, I still hadn't heard back from the University of Washington, or Udub, about my application, and I was gearing up for my SATs and the ACT.

Sam was supportive, like he always was, but he'd also been pushing for me to make some big decisions, like setting an actual date for the wedding, and he was talking about having kids again. Intellectually, I knew most of my stress was reasonable, but when it came to my relationship with Sam, my stress became unreasonable. After all, I'm the one that said we should get married before I went to school. That way, he could get a job close to campus and we could share an apartment, without my father losing his shit and killing Sam.

Sam knew that I wanted to get through a couple years of school before we thought about having kids, but he'd gotten this weird idea in his head lately that I didn't want kids. He kept starting these conversations where he would try to reassure me that if I didn't want to, I didn't have to, no matter what tradition or Auntie Ruth said.

I didn't know where the hell this feeling was coming from. Of course I wanted kids; I loved kids. When I was younger, I used to secretly pretend that the kids I babysat were really mine, and that I was married. I loved playing house as a kid, and I knew I would love being married to Sam. So why was I freaking out every time he pressed me to make some solid plans about it?

Then Auntie Ruth called me out to her place for a "talk." I was frazzled, but I made it to her trailer on time. She sat me down, and lectured me about how badly the tribe needed me. She said that I was its future, its salvation, and that every life choice I made would ultimately affect my people. Then, like some attorney out of a shitty courtroom drama, she dropped a dusty, old cardboard box on the floor in front of me.

"Your mother's work as a counselor was invaluable to our people. She saved many lives, but there were some that were beyond even her reach," Auntie Ruth's croak sent chills through me as I dug through my mother's files.

They were patient files, confidential. I had no idea how my aunt got a hold of them, but in the end that didn't matter. When I found a file with the name Uley on it, I forgot how to breathe. Inside the folder were letters. Each one was catalogued with a date written in what I could only assume was my mother's hand writing. There was also a brief note about where she'd found it: front porch, car at grocery store, and mailbox. The letters were written using the same messy handwriting, and each was signed with the same name - _Sam_.

"He was obsessed with her, even after she transferred his case to another counselor; he kept leaving his little love notes. Finally, your mother had to get a restraining order, and that Uley boy got thrown in jail for a few months," Ruth chuckled to herself, as she took a drag off her cigarette. "He was very angry with her for that. Called her all manner of bad names at the spring dance, and even took it out on you, if I remember right. That boy has been bad news from the day his mother let him take his first breath. Just like his grandfather, who sold out our land and our people to the white man for a thimble full of whiskey. Uleys are all bad - they keep secrets and lie. It's best you know that before you get involved any further."

I couldn't take anymore; I screamed at her to shut up, and calling her a meddling old bitch, but I held onto the file as I left. I drove around for over hours, crying, confused about what this meant. I remembered the first time he kissed me, after Mom's funeral, and every time he said I was beautiful. I read and reread the letters, where he said my mother was beautiful. He told her that he loved her, and that she was the only woman that he'd ever love.

When I finally got home that night, I didn't sleep. I sat in my room, stared out the window, and thought about how it all made sense. Sam didn't really love me. He was in love with a memory. Sam needed someone to save him, and since my mother wouldn't do it, he got the next best thing – _me_.

* * *

"So it has come to this," Seth gloats, as he kicks the side of the hollow log that I've been hiding in for that last half hour.

"Fuck you, I needed a break," I grumble, as I struggle to stand, and nearly fall on my face.

"Hey!" Seth catches me, before I the ground, and nearly falls over himself. "You make things more complicated that you need to, you know that?

"You need to learn to mind your own business," I counter, pushing him away, and dust myself off as I leave.

"Don't you think that avoiding him for six years is long enough?" Seth follows behind me, and tries to grab my shoulder. "Talk to him, Leah."

"And say what exactly? Congratulations on your wonderful life! It looks like you really are better off without me!" I yell, as I slap his hand off my shoulder.

"He still cares about you, you know that," Seth's voice has the warm, loving tone that reminds me of Mom, and I have to look away, before I start crying.

"I know, but that only makes it worse," I mumble, tears blurring my vision, as I walk away.

He doesn't understand. None of them do, because they don't know the whole story.

* * *

"We do a regular Skype call every Sunday. Have you ever done video chatting?" Claire's been chattering about her boyfriend for the last few minutes, and I've barely been paying attention as I continue to look for Leah.

"Uh, no," I say, and she continues to talk as I see someone step out of a thick clump of trees.

Leah's head is down, but I recognize her hair and the way she moves. She's wiping her face, and rushes towards the parked cars. The sight of her hunched shoulders and obvious pain has me on my feet in a second.

"Excuse me, I need to go," I say, giving Claire an apologetic smile, and she glances in Leah's direction.

"Oh, yeah, no problem," I hear Claire say, as I turn, and rush over to Leah.

"Leah," I call out. Leah catches her foot on something, and starts to stumble.

I run up to catch her, and hold tight to her arm. She looks up at me, as she clinging to my arm, but doesn't say anything - she doesn't have to.

"Let's go," I whisper, and turn toward the small parking lot where we parked.

"Seth," she mumbles, as we make our way through the sand.

"I'll find him after I get you to the truck," I reassure her, wrapping an arm around her waist, and help her step up onto the asphalt pad.

"I'm not crippled," she grumbles, pushing my hands away, and walks toward the truck.

"Okay, I'll go get Seth," I call after her, as I turn around, and nearly knock Seth over.

"Whoa!" He steps back, as I regain my composure, and we both laugh.

"Sorry, I was just coming to get you," I say, gasping for breath in between laughing.

"I figured that the princess was ready to call it a night," he gives a dismissive snort, and walks past me.

The drive back to the Clearwater house is fast and silent. Leah leans against me the whole way, but there's a strange tension in her posture as she stares out the windshield at the starlight night sky. Though I could feel her warmth pressed against me, it felt like her mind was miles away. I want to ask her about Sam, but I know it's only going to make her more upset.

As we pull up the driveway, I tighten my arm around her shoulders, and kiss her hair. Seth parks the truck, and we get out. Leah holds my hand as we walk up to the porch, but Seth stops me as I'm about to climb the stairs.

"You're bunking with me, solider," he says, patting my shoulder, and gives me a wink. "Pop's rules. No suitors in the house."

"Cocksucking motherfuck!" Leah hisses. I stifle a smile, and pull her into my arms.

"Sweet dreams," I whisper, leaning down to kiss her lips.

It's soft, and slow, filling me with need, and making me hold her tighter. I wish I didn't have to catch my breath, so I could kiss her like this forever.

"Sheez, it's just for the night. He's not going off too war or anything," Seth teases, as we break apart, and Leah flips him off.

She turns back to me, sliding her hand through mine. I tighten my grip on the tips of her fingers for just a second, before I release her hand.

"Night," she says, walking up the stairs to the door.

As Seth pulls me toward the small mobile home that's sitting beside the house, I continue to watch Leah as she disappears into the house.

"Tell me Edward, have you ever played quarters?" Seth asks with a flirty smirk on his face, and I chuckle as we continue to walk.

* * *

I wake up to the smell of coffee and the sound of Credence Clearwater Revival. Shit, I'll show you a bad moon rising.

"Morning, princess," Seth is standing in my doorway, a coffee mug in his hand, and a smile on his face.

"Blow me!" I cover my head with my pillow, and wish I could get more sleep.

"No thank you," he says, walking in to sit beside me, and sets the mug on my nightstand.

"Where's Edward?" I give up on getting back to sleep, and pull the pillow off my face.

"Downstairs," he replies, brushing my hair out of my face. "Are you coming?"

He looks so young as he watches me, his face filled with need, and barely contained grief. I wish I could be the sister that he needs, but I don't have the strength.

"I...I can't," I say, rolling away, so I don't have to see the disappointment in his eyes.

"Fine," he sighs, and stands up. "We'll be back in an hour or so. Will you still be here?"

"Yeah, we should be," I reply, glancing at the clock, and sit up just in time to see Seth walk out of my room.

I groan in frustration, and smash my face back into my pillow. His pain is still hanging in the air, but I can't deal with it. I'm barely keeping my head above water as it is. Seeing Sam last night didn't help.

"Fucking shit," I sigh, rolling onto my back and stare at the ceiling.

I can still see the faded outlines of the glow-in-the-dark stars that used to litter the whole surface of my ceiling. They were a gift from Sam. When I was seventeen, he snuck into my room, and stood on my bed as he put them up. I was sure that my giggling was going to wake up my father, but Sam was able to finish his work, kiss me, and left unharmed.

I close my eyes, and turn my face back to the pillow. This is why I can't deal, why I can't stay. Every inch of La Push holds memories that I don't want, that I can't handle.

"What happened to your hair?" Sam's voice sounds strange, and unfamiliar as he walks toward me.

"Hey Sam," I greet him, and take deep drag off my cigarette, facing him. I stand straight, and will myself to not cry. Sam Uley isn't worth my tears.

"Since when did you start smoking?" Sam gives me a stern, disapproving look that contradicts the shaky tone of his voice. He's scared. Good; he should be.

"You'd be surprised what you don't know about me," I replied. I tossed the cigarette butt into the smoldering remains of the fire that I used to burn every material object that reminded me of him, of us.

"Lee, what the hell is going on? I haven't heard from you in days!" Sam demanded. He walked up to me, I quickly backed away and shoved the file folder in his face.

"Explain this!" I commanded, as he gave me a confused look, but took the folder from my hand.

He opened it, and I saw it in his face: the recognition, and the guilt. I felt the impact instantly, as if I was experiencing a sudden return to gravity following years of weightlessness. It was all _true_. Even as as my mouth went dry, something inside me snapped loose, and I felt like I was free falling. Everything that made me who I was – my love for Sam, my family, my connection to my people, the future that I thought that I'd always want – gone.

"I should have told you about this," he sighed, as he closed the folder, and met my eyes.

"Damn right you should have!" I spat, as I pulled another cigarette out of the brand new pack.

"Leah, stop this," he said, stepping forward and slapping the pack from my hand. "This doesn't change anything."

"Fuck you!" I backed up, and glared at him. "Everything's changed."

Everything we had was a lie. There was no point in denying it now, but Sam shook his head stubbornly.

"Baby, please don't say that," his tone was so sincere, it make my heart ache, but the voice in the back of my head reassured me that whatever he said didn't matter. The damage had been done and there was no way to fix it. We could never go back to the way it was.

"Stop, just...don't," I insisted, shaking my head, and turned to leave.

"Leah!" He caught my wrist, and spun me around. "I was fourteen, just a kid. Please don't throw everything away over my stupid mistake."

I didn't want to see the honesty in his face; I didn't expect it to be there. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to apologize. He was supposed to be a lying jerk, and I was supposed to walk away.

"Let me go, please," I begged, as tears started to fill my eyes. I try, to pry his hand off mine, but he wouldn't budge.

"You know I love you more than life," his voice was so calm, but it only made it harder, it made everything harder.

As I looked up into his own tear-filled eyes, I knew he wasn't lying. Sam loved me; of course he loved me. I don't know why I ever doubted it. If there was one constant throughout our relationship, it was Sam's love.

"No," I choked out, as I tried one last time to pull free from his hold on me.

"Please, don't go," he whispered, slowly releasing my wrist. I lost my balance and tumbled to the ground. The jolt forced my tears to the surface, and I began to sob uncontrollably.

_What had I done?_

"This is so fucked up," I cried, as waves of helplessness rose up and started to swallow me whole.

"We can fix this, I swear," he pleaded, as I scrambled to my feet, and wished he would just give up.

His pain tore at my heart and burned a hole in my gut, because I knew he was wrong. There was no fixing _me_. I'm just wrong, broken beyond repair.

"No, we can't!" I kicked the ground, and wanted to punch myself in the face.

"I don't understand," he shook his head, and tried to walk toward me.

I couldn't let him touch me again. The guilt was eating me up inside, and if I let him touch me, it would be too tempting to not, tell him.

"I slept with someone else!" I blurted it out so fast, I wasn't sure he heard me, but his steps slowed, and his face darkened.

"Who was it?" His voice was quiet, but I could see the tension ripple through his body.

"No one you know," I replied quickly, and met his eyes so he knew I was telling the truth, for the first time in weeks. Not that it made any difference.

It was deathly silent for several minutes, and I debated just running away, but I knew it would only make him chase me. So I stood and watched the emotions that played over Sam's face as he took in the situation.

I wanted to scream in frustration, because he didn't understand, and I was too much of a coward to clarify. This was never about being with someone else. I wasn't even sure why I did it; it just happened. I had used Auntie Ruth's little bombshell to make myself feel less guilty about it, but now that seemed stupid. I was the cheating whore, and now he knew it.

"Do you love him?" He stared at the ground, the muscles of his jaw flexing as he waited for me to answer.

"No, I'm not in love with...her," I sighed. It felt like another weight had been lifted from my chest.

Sam raised his eye to meet mine, a strange look on his face. He looked lighter, relieved even, but his expression turned serious as he spoke again.

"How about me?" He spoke softly, his eyes studying me.

"What do you mean?" I wiped at my wet cheeks, and tried to keep eye contact with him.

"Do you still love me?" His gaze was strong, and steady, but I felt like the ground had just crumbled under my feet.

"I...It's..." I lost my voice, and lowered my gaze to the ground.

I couldn't answer him, not because I didn't know what the answer was, but because in that moment, I just realized what the answer was, and I couldn't bring myself to say it. What was wrong with me? I had a wonderful boyfriend who wanted to marry me, and he was willing to look past my infidelity. Why did I want to run away? I closed my eyes and silently wished that a tree would just fall on me. It would make everything so much easier.

"Oh, Leah," he sighed, as he closed the distance between us, and pulled me into his arms.

I felt empty, and useless. Tears poured out of my eyes, as he pressed my face against his chest. He tried to soothe me by running his hand over my hair, but it only made it worse. His compassion burned me - his love and comfort felt like punishment. It was all wrong, and it wasn't even his fault. It was mine.

"How can you stand being around me?" I cried, wishing I was strong enough to push him away. I still wanted his love, even though I couldn't feel it in return.

"I love you, Lee Lee," Sam breathed into my hair, and then kissed my forehead. "That's never going to change, even if you don't love me back."

* * *

"Leah," I call to her, as I gently knocking on the door, and trying to balance two full coffee mugs in one hand.

I'd waited until after I heard the shower shut off before coming up stairs. Seth said she looked a little hungover when they spoke before he left, so I wanted to give her some space. If she was in half as bad a shape as Seth and Harry were this morning, I didn't want to push her any further when she was in a vulnerable place. I understood all to well how that can just make things even worse.

"Come in," I hear the strain in her voice even through the thick wood of the door.

I take a deep breath, and open the door. She's standing at the foot of her bed, with a thick, white towel wrapped around her body. Her hair is hanging in a long wet line down her back, and it sprays me with water drops as she swivels her head to look at me.

"I brought you coffee," I say, raising her mug up, and walk over to her.

"Thanks, you can set it there," she replies with a half-hearted smile, and points at the dresser, as she pulling the towel from her body.

While I can't help but admire the smooth curves of her naked body, the tension in her movements distracts me from enjoying her beauty. She has a look of concentration on her face, staring at the floor while drying her hair.

"Sorry about last night," I decided that an apology is probably the best way to break the tension in the air.

"Don't be," she sighs, turning her back to me, throwing her towel into a basket near her closet, she begins to pick through a pile of clothes on her bed.

I hate this. Everything feels so wrong, but I don't know how to fix it. Her back is smooth, and flawless. I want to touch her, kiss her, and make this pain disappear.

"Leah," I whisper, walking over and touch her warm skin.

"Don't," she gasps, jerking to the side, like I burned her.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, stepping back, and watch her closely.

She stands with her knees against the edge of the mattress. I can see her hands tremble as she slowly shakes her head.

"It's not you," she says, as turns around, and walks over to me.

Her face is calm, but there's something frantic about the way her eyes scan over me.

"Is there anything I can do?" I ask, holding my arms open to her, allowing her to press up against my body.

"Yes," she breathes out, and as she brushes her lips to mine, and changing everything in a heartbeat.

Her tongue is halfway down my throat, while her hands claw at the front of my jeans, and I immediately try to stop her.

"Wait," I plead, pushing her back a little, and she immediately pulls away.

"No!" She turns, stomping away from me. "If you can't help, get the fuck out!"

I stand there as she grabs a black thong from the pile of clothes, and pulls it on with short violent movements. I feel helpless, and stupid, but I push my luck again by trying to get close to her.

"I want to help," I say, wrapping my arms around her waist. She freezes, her arms hanging limp at her sides.

"Don't," she chokes out, her voice sounding strained, and I try to turn her in my arms, but she fights. "Please."

I ignore her protest, and force her to face me. As soon as I see her face, my heart jumps into my throat. Her face is twisted in pain, tears pour out of her eyes, and she won't meet my gaze. It feels like the world has broken in two, and I have no idea how to fix it.

"Oh, Leah," my own voice is strangled as I pull her close.

"I don't need your pity," she cries, fighting me weakly, her whole body shaking in my arms.

"It's not pity..." I can't finish the sentence, my throat is tightening, and I can't do anything but hold her close.

"Fucking shit," she sobs, wrapping her around my neck, and she starts to cry in earnest.

Heavy sobs wrack her body, making every part of me ache, and my eyes sting in sympathy. It's like a dam has opened, pouring out her grief and pain into my waiting arms. I take it, willingly. As another wave of desperate sobs shake her, I pull her even closer to me, and gain the strength to finally speak.

"I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere," I say, kissing her temple, and tighten my hold on her.

* * *

Dad says that Quileute men are not made to cry. We are meant to be strong for our families. He turns his back to Mom's grave, walking over to a lean on a near by tree, and I wonder how he does it. I know he's hurting - every time he passes Mom's portrait on the stairs, when someone mentions her name, and even at times when he simply looks at me a certain way, I can see how much he misses her. I watch him open his leather smoking pouch, pull out his pipe and carefully pack it with tobacco. I have lived with my father all of my life, and there are times when I feel like I'm living with a stranger.

"Jacob!" Uncle Billy's voice echoes around me, and my heart rate triples in a second.

"I'm fine, Dad," Jacob yells, as he appears beside my father.

They exchange nods, as Jacob keeps walking, and relief flows through me. Uncle Charlie gives me a quick nod as he pushes Uncle Billy's wheelchair up the rocky path leading to the graveyard. I use all the energy I have left to muster up a smile as I wave at them.

"Seth," Jake says, wrapping a muscular arm around my shoulders, and makes me feel better immediately.

"You made it," I can't keep the relief out of my voice as I lean against him.

"I've got you, little brother," he whispers as he turns me around.

"Boys," Uncle Charlie says, as he walks up to place a bundle of wild flowers on top of the headstone, and stands with his back to us for a few minutes.

When he turns around, I try to keep my smile in place as he nods at both of us, and pats Jake on the shoulder.

"Take your time," his voice sounds a little thick, which makes sense he loved Mom too.

"Thanks Charlie," Jake says, as he tightens his hold on my shoulders, and Uncle Charlie walks away.

"Harry, Billy, let's head back so we can get some lunch out of Leah before she leaves," Charlie calls down the hill; Dad grumbles in agreement, and Billy hoots with excitement.

As I hear them leave, I finally release the breath that I feel like I've been holding since I woke up this morning.

"They're gone, it's all clear," Jake whispers, as he kisses my forehead, and the tears immediately start to fall.

"I'm sorry," I stutter, clinging to him for support, and he just shakes his head.

"Go on, let it out," Jake says, holding me closer, and I let the sobs loose.

I need this, more than I could express - just one day a year I when I can let go. Seth the clown, the life of the party, and happy ray of sunshine, is gone. I'm just me. All the pain and confusion rise to the surface, and wash over me in wave after wave of memories.

_I woke up to the sound of Leah yelling. Not that it was unusual. Since she and Sam broke up she was irritable and drunk a lot of the time. I preferred drunk versus hung over. Sometimes she threw stuff when she was hung over._

" _Seth!" The scream echoed off the walls again, but this time it was different._

_She didn't sound pissed, she sounded...scared?_

_I rolled out of bed, and blinked at my clock. It was early; seven was not her usual wake up time. Something was wrong. Then again, she might still be drunk. She rolled in around three in the morning, last night. Slammed the door, and knocked over some shit in the kitchen while she was trying to make something to eat._

_She was lucky Dad was out fishing this weekend, or he'd have been pissed as shit at the mess she made. Not that he would have done much besides yell, and then spend the rest of the day in the garage. He couldn't stand up to her any more than I could._

" _FUCK! Seth, Please!" This time she sounds different. Leah didn't beg, not even before she became bitch of the century. Was Sam really that amazing that her whole life had to turn to shit after he left?_

_I stumbled into the hallway, and immediately stepped in something warm and wet. I pulled my foot up, and squinted at the floor. Red...it was blood. I was suddenly wide awake, as I scrambling down the hallway toward the bathroom. Leah was still calling my name. I felt a nauseating sense of dread overtake me as I pushed open the door._

_Blood!_

_It seemed like it was everywhere. On the floor, streaking down her legs, and dripping over the rim of the toilet. She was sitting, pitched forward, with her hand on the towel rack in front of her, and screaming with her eyes closed._

" _I'm here!" I yelled back, but didn't move from the doorway._

_Her eyes flew open, and fixed on me. She looked pale, and ghostly._

" _Call Jake," she gasped, and then closed her mouth like she was going to puke._

" _Maybe I should call an ambulance..." I started to say, but she shook her head._

" _Jake! I need Jake, NOW!" She pressed her lips tight again, as her whole body seemed to jerk, and I fled the scene._

_It took Jake five minutes to get there as soon as I saw his truck pull up front, I felt better._

" _Where is she?" He asked, placing his hand on my shoulder, and I sighed._

" _Bathroom," I said, as I pointed up the stairs._

_A few minutes later he came walking down the stairs, carrying Leah wrapped in a several towels. They disappeared without another word, and I was left cleaning up the hallway and bathroom. I scrubbed at the stains for what seemed like hours, until I couldn't see them anymore. I showered, changed, and made food that I couldn't eat._

_When Leah returned home she didn't say a word, she just went to her room. I sat on the stairs and cried until sundown. Then, I took my ass to bed, and never talked about it with anyone, not even Leah._

"Thank you," I whisper against Jake's damp sweatshirt.

"Sure thing," he says, tightening his hold on me, and I shudder.

_Sure thing._ That's the closet to _I love you,_ as you're ever going to get out of another Quileute man, but I'll take it.

* * *

"Uncle Charlie!" Leah screams as she launches herself off the railing of the porch, and runs at the three men that are slowly approaching the house.

Her whole demeanor changes in a few seconds, but I'm relieved to see the change. The last hour has been hard for her, though we've done little more than sit and drink coffee. After she cried herself out in the bedroom, she got dressed, and insisted that we sit on the porch. I didn't mind; there is something very comforting about watching dawn crawl across the morning sky over La Push, while Leah sat in my lap.

"Sweetheart!" The tall Caucasian man laughs, when Leah jumps into his arms, and he spins them around.

I've never heard Leah laugh like she is right now. He kisses her cheek, and sets her back on her feet.

"You're late," she says in a mock scolding tone.

"You have your stubborn cousin to blame for that," the dark haired man sitting in a wheelchair says, pulling her into his lap.

"Uncle Billy!" Leah protests as the older man gently kisses her cheek, and sets her loose.

"They were hoping that you had time for an early lunch," Leah's father says, watching her exchange with the other men.

"I'm not sure," Leah says, looking back at me, and I smile at how strange uncertainty looks on her beautiful face.

"We have plenty of time," I reassure her, as I stand up.

"Great! Now, are you going to introduce us to your friend?" Uncle Charlie says, wrapping an arm around Leah's shoulder, and the walk up to the porch.

"Of course," Leah sighs, as I start to walk over to meet them. "Uncle Charlie, this is Edward."

"Cullen?" A familiar voice makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, I look up and see Leah's cousin, Jacob a few feet away

He's walking beside Seth, who looks pale and a little sickly, but I'm having a hard time focusing on Leah's brother. Jacob gives me a glare that feels like he's trying to burn a hole in my skull.

"Shit!" Leah growls.

"Language please, Leah," Uncle Charlie says, as he glances between Jacob and I, and frowns.

* * *

"Leah, my dear, I do not know how you make something as simple as a pot roast sandwiches taste like heaven, but it is a gift," Uncle Billy proclaims, taking another hearty bite of his sandwich, and chases it with a gulp of beer.

"Yes, this is really good," I say, and smile around the mouthful of delicious food.

"Yeah, you're a regular Donna Reed," Jacob grumbles, picking apart his sandwich, and glares at me out of the corner of his eyes.

"How did you enjoy the party, Edward?" Harry asks, reaching across the table to grab the bag of potato chips, and pouring more onto his plate.

"Party?" Jacob's head snaps to the side, staring at Harry, then slowly turns to look at me. "You went to Black Friday?"

It sounds more like an accusation than a question, but before I can answer, Seth jumps in.

"Yes, I invited him," Seth says, putting a hand on Jacob's shoulder, and glances at Leah. "Right, Leah?"

"Yeah," she mumbles, staring at her plate, and carefully peeling the crust off her bread.

"Well, it looks like you didn't get into any bad fights, so I'd count that as a good sign," Uncle Charlie says, and a strange tension settles over the table.

"The beach was beautiful," I reply, not sure how to ease the weird atmosphere.

"That it is, nothing like it on the west coast," Uncle Charlie replies, as he leans over the table, leaning over the table to look at me more directly. "La Push is a rare and beautiful place. It has some rugged terrain, it's beauty is worth braving rough bits, but I don't have to tell you that. Do I?"

"I agree. It is definitely worth it," I nod, thinking that I know what he's trying to say. I look at Leah, and smile a little wider, despite the uneasiness in her posture.

"I need more mayonnaise," Leah says, abruptly standing up, and walks into the kitchen.

"I'll help her," Jacob blurts out as he practically jumps out of his chair.

I immediately rise from my chair, but Uncle Charlie places a strong hand on my shoulder.

"It's best to leave family matters to family," he whispers, as he leans in, and pats my shoulder.

"Charlie," Seth says, out of nowhere, and we all look at him. "When is Bella arriving?"

"Soon, I hope," Uncle Charlie replies, looking very proud, as his eyes seem to sparkle. "Billy and I are planning on driving up to the city after she arrives. Would you like to come along?"

"I'd love to," Seth says, bouncing in his seat. Suddenly something crashes in the kitchen.

"You're not my father!" Leah's voice echoes clearly through doorway.

"Well, maybe I should tell your father what kind of douche bag you've brought into his house," Jacob's voice carries into the room, and I feel myself tense.

"Okay, then let's talk about the sluts you've dragged in here!" Leah's voice is high and sharp, and accompanied by another crash.

"Son of a bitch," Harry mutters as he stands up from his chair, but Uncle Charlie beats him to the punch, and they exchange glances for a second.

"I need another beer," Uncle Charlie says, gripping my shoulder as he moves toward the kitchen door.

Harry sits back down, and Seth squirms. Uncle Billy gives me an apologetic smile. A few minutes pass in tense silence, while I sit and fight with myself over whether I should do something. Just as I'm about to go into the kitchen, Jacob emerges from the doorway looking ashamed and angry.

"I need some air," he says to no one and walks out the front door.

A few seconds later, Leah and Uncle Charlie emerge. He whispers something to her as they enter the room and I see Leah's face brighten as they part ways.

"I think it's time we headed out," she says, and I'm a little ashamed at how relieved I feel.

* * *

Edward has my truck practically purring as we cruise down highway 101. He's staring out the windshield with a dreamy smile on his face. I turn in my seat, push the shoulder strap over my head so I can lean my back against the door, and get a better look at him.

He looks good in the clothes that he borrowed from Seth. The dark denim jeans are a little tight, but is very good way, and I'm having a hard time not giggling over the t-shirt. When I asked him if he picked the t-shirt he said yes, and insisted that it was least... _flamboyant_ one he could find in Seth's closet. I couldn't help but laugh at how hilarious he looks with a picture of another man's crotch plastered across his chest.

"You in the mood for a little detour?" He asks, slowing down the truck.

"Sure, as long as it won't make us late," I reply with a shrug.

"It shouldn't, we're making good time," he says, as he takes the turn off for Port Angeles.

We ride through the streets of Port Angeles, in silence, and I wonder what Edward could possibly show me that I don't already know about this town. I used to party around here at the end of my senior year. Memory of the drunken nights I spent fighting or fucking anyone that could get my hands on stream through my head. I close my eyes, and trying to push them away, and I feel a hand on my leg.

"We're here," his voice is soft, almost choked, as the truck comes to a slow stop.

I open my eyes to look at him, but he's staring out his window. We're parked across the street from an old hardware store. The exterior paint is faded, resembling a barn red color, with a tall white sign declaring it "Masen Hardware" in bold blue letters.

Why did he bring me here to show me a hardware store? I want to ask him, but something about the look on his face makes my chest tighten painfully. So I turn to watch the front of the store, hoping that it will reveal why the hell we're here.

An old, hunched over man emerges from the front of the store, carrying two plastic bags. He's wearing a bright blue apron imprinted with the store's logo and he's smiling as he speaks with a younger woman. They walk over to a station wagon, and he loads the bags into her car. They exchange a few more words before he waves as she pulls out of the parking lot.

"You see him?" Edward points at the old man and I nod. "That's my grandfather."

I'm confused, because I know for a fact that Esme's family lives somewhere on the east coast and Emmett told me that Carlisle's parents passed away before he was born. Before I can say anything, Edward starts to talk again.

"Carlisle and Esme had been trying to have another baby for two years before I was born. They were ready to give up and try adoption. My birth mother was a homeless drug addict that died while giving birth to me. Esme was a nurse working in the intensive care nursery at the time I was born. She said from the first time she held me in her arms, she knew I was part of their family. Still, Carlisle insisted on finding my mother's next of kin. He tried contacting my grandfather for weeks. He sent letters and left messages, until one day when the hospital received an envelope from this address. It contained a release of guardianship for me. Carlisle and Esme adopted me a few weeks later."

I didn't know what to say. Edward was adopted. It made sense in a strange kind of way, but why tell me now? Hell, why tell me at all?

He sighs, and leans back against his seat, rubbing his hand over his face. I feel helpless, but I still want to do something, so I reach over and thread my fingers through his.

Edward smiles at me, pulling my hand to his mouth, and gently kisses the tops of my fingers. He puts my hand on his leg and starts the engine. I squeeze this thigh, and he turns the truck around to head back to the highway.


	21. Fall From Grace

_What little I know about my birth mother, I learned from Carlisle. He met her during his internship with Volt. She was a volunteer for his pharmaceutical study. Like many homeless kids, she did it for the money. According to Carlisle, she was very sweet and pretty, with green eyes and auburn hair, like mine. Carlisle didn't see her again until she was his patient in the emergency room, suffering from pre-term labor._

_When Elizabeth Masen arrived in the ER, she was wearing an oversized men's jacket. After she died, the contents of her jacket pockets were documented: She had thirty-five cents in change, a tattered copy of Jane Austen's Persuasion, and a heart-shaped rock with a white line running down the center. These were all her worldly possessions, and now they live in a box that I keep under my bed. I've made a habit of rereading Persuasion once a year. I've even taken a picture of the rock as it sat in my hand. No matter what I do, nothing fills the strange empty space that swells inside my chest whenever I think about my birth mother._

_"Have you ever wondered why Aro took such an interest in you?" Carlisle spoke quietly, so that we couldn't be heard outside of the small doctor's lounge._

_"I thought it was because I'm talented," I replied weakly, as I stared at the scuffed linoleum beneath my feet._

_"Edward," Carlisle's voice became intense as he seized my shoulders, and I raised my eyes to look at him. "You are talented. Even more so than your father."_

_Carlisle stopped short, pulled his hands back, and turned away from me. At the sight of his pain, I felt a familiar sense of guilt weigh me down._

_"Who is he?" I couldn't stop myself from asking the question that has haunted me since I was ten years old._

_Ever since Esme and Carlisle told me I was adopted, and I learned about the horrible life my mother lived, I have always wondered about my father. Was he alive or dead? Why did he leave my mother? Did he know about me? If he did know, and left anyway; what kind of man abandons a girl carrying his child?_

_"Caius Gallo," he choked out the words, and combs his fingers through his hair. "Aro's younger brother."_

_I stared at Carlisle, while I tried to process what he'd just told me. Aro is my uncle?_

_"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" My voice sounded strange, almost angry._

_"To protect you. You're nothing like him, Edward. You're a good man," Carlisle said, spinning around to face me. His posture was defensive and his eyes were pleading. "Caius was a spoiled, narcissistic playboy whose one interest in life was getting high. He didn't care about you or your mother."_

_"Of course," I mumbled._

_Carlisle's words hit me like a punch to the gut. I shouldn't be surprised. What more did I expect? I've always known that I was an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy, thrust upon a poor girl with no other options. It was logical to assume my father also didn't want me either. His absence made that plain. Still, some part of me crumpled at the acknowledgment of my long suspected fear. He never wanted me._

_"I'm so sorry, but you need to hear this, so you can understand why I've protected you from the Gallos for all these years," Carlisle said, shaking my shoulders, to draw my attention. "They only care about two things: Preserving the family name and building the family fortune, at any cost."_

_"I don't understand—what does that have to do with me?" I ask, only half hearing what he's saying. All I can think about is how everything that Aro ever said to me, and everything I ever believed about myself, has all been a lie._

_"Aro is the last male in the family line, and he has no children. That's why he wants you," Carlisle said, sounding defeated, as he gripped my arms._

_"What about my...his brother?" I shook my head, feeling weak for wanting to know. I just needed to see him, to set eyes on my real father, then maybe this hollow spot inside of me would finally heal._

_"Caius died from a drug overdose a few months after you were born," Carlisle sighed, and tightened his hold of my shoulders. "I need you to do something for me."_

_"Anything," I responded without hesitation._

_"I want you to cut all ties with Aro and Volt, completely this time," he said it so quickly that I didn't quite absorb it at first. "Esme and I have already discussed this, and we will take over the expenses for Alec's recovery. She's already started the paperwork to get custody of the twins. I just need you to promise me that you're done with the Gallos forever."_

_It was a simple request, reasonable even, considering Aro's deception, the Gallo's motives, and the weaknesses for drugs that I apparently had inherited from my birth father. I should have said yes immediately, but I didn't. I just stared at Carlisle, paralyzed my own swirling turmoil._

_"I...I need to think," I managed to choke out. I spun around and headed toward the door._

_I had to leave, because I wasn't ready to tell Carlisle the truth. I was too afraid of how much it would hurt him, and I couldn't stand to disappoint him any further. I love Carlisle more than words could express, but I couldn't bring myself to do this for him._

_Aro Gallo is the last connection that I have to my birth father. He could answer questions that Carlisle either couldn't or wouldn't. I wanted to find out more about Caius. He may have been a selfish, spoiled drug addict who left my mother and me to die, but he was still a part of me. I wasn't ready to let him go, even if it meant hurting Carlisle and the rest of my family._

_I burst through the door of the lounge and right into a man holding a tray of coffee cups. The hot liquid splattered my chest, but I didn't feel it. My guilt and confusion were worse than any physical pain. I muttered an apology, and kept walking straight out of the hospital. All I could think about was the fact that Carlisle was wrong._

_I am exactly like my father._

* * *

"It's Esme," Leah's voice jolts me out of my thoughts, and I turn to look at my cell phone as it vibrates in her hand.

I grab it from her and answer it, pressing the receiver to my ear.

"Mom?" It seems strange to say it, now that Leah knows the truth.

"Edward, are you on your way?" The strained tone in Esme's voice completely wipes my mind of all other thoughts.

"Did something happen?" I ask, checking the road signs; we're a few miles from the hospital exit. I had intended to go to my house first, so I could pick up my car and Leah could go home.

"Yes," she sighs, but it doesn't relieve the tension in my chest. "Just hurry, dear. I'll explain when you get here."

"On my way," I reply, as the line goes dead. I push the accelerator into the floor, and glance at Leah.

She just nods, takes the phone from my hand and turns her gaze back to the road.

* * *

I pull into the emergency room entrance, and put the truck into park. My mind was so consumed with getting us here as soon as possible, I didn't have time to really discuss it with Leah.

"I have to go," I say, turning to look at her.

She just smiles, leaning over to grab my door handle and kisses me. I allow myself a few indulgent moments to savor the feel of her as a loud creaking of the truck door opening fills the air around us. She pulls back and presses her hand against my shoulder.

"Go," she says, shoving me out of the truck.

I stumble as my feet hit the ground, and I start to run toward the double doors. I hear the rumble of Leah's truck, and take a second to look over my shoulder. She pulls out of the driveway, and into traffic without a backward glance. I turn back to the hospital, pushing down the sense of disappointment that her absence inspired, and run through the open doorway.

"I'm looking for a patient," I sputter at the receptionist behind the glass window.

"Last name?" She asks in a nasally voice, tapping her fingers on a keyboard, and snaps her gum.

"Winters, Alec," I reply, leaning my forehead against the glass, and try to catch my breath.

"EDWARD!" I look up to see Alice running at me, and brace myself just as she jumps into my arms.

"Alice," I grunt, stumbling backward a few steps as she hugs me, and pulls me away from the receptionist's desk.

"You have to talk to her!" She immediately starts to say as we approach the elevators, and punches the buttons.

"Who?" I stare at her, as the doors open and people stream out into the lobby.

"That harpy from Volt!"

* * *

I've been standing in the lobby for about two minutes. I shouldn't be here. This is crossing the line. Edward needs to handle this with his family, and I really need to go. Okay, I actually don't have to be anywhere. It's Saturday. The only plans I have are with my two bags of laundry that need to be put away, at my apartment. I should go grocery shopping too.

"Excuse me," an old lady pushes past me, on her way to the elevators, and that decides it for me.

I turn toward the double doors, and nearly run into someone that stinks like an expensive whore house.

"Pardon me – Oh, hey!" A guy with short, spiky blond hair, wearing an expensive- looking suit gives me a bright smile, as he slides his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose. "Leah, right?"

I stare at him for a long minute, trying to figure out how the fuck he knows my name. Something about him makes me want to punch him in the throat. Then it hits me—he's Edward's friend from the nightclub.

"Uh, hi," I say, staring at him as I try to remember his name. "Dominick?"

"Demetri," he sighs, and steps a little closer.

"Uh, yeah," I mutter, stepping back. Something about him makes my skin crawl.

"Are you leaving?" He steps aside, gesturing toward the door, and smiles.

I'm about to start walking, thankful for the opportunity to escape, but I don't move. Something about his wide, arrogant smile pisses me off.

"Actually, I'm meeting Edward," I snap, and cross my arms to block his view of my tits.

He blinks, and suddenly narrows his eyes at me, a frown creasing his thin, slightly glossy lips.

"What a coincidence, so am I," he replies with a wink, and offers me his arm. "Shall I escort you up?"

"No thanks," I mumble, and start to walk toward the elevators. I guess there's no turning back now.

_Shit!_

Somehow he makes it to the elevators before me, and presses the button with a manicured finger.

He turns to lean his shoulder against the wall, giving me an inviting smirk as he carefully looks me over with his ice-blue eyes. Every move is calculated, even the way he takes a deep breath and smoothes his hands down the front of his suit before he talks. I'm sure he thinks he's pretty fucking slick. Too bad for him that I'm not buying it.

"So, how long have you and Edward been -" he starts to speak in a casual tone, but I cut him off.

"None of your fucking business." I give him a cold stare down just as the elevator chimes and the doors open.

"Leah?" The sound of Jasper's voice is like a blessing and a curse.

He looks both surprised and relieved as he stands in the elevator with Jane tucked into his side. As soon as her red-rimmed eyes fix on me, my heart starts to crack a little, reminding me why I'm still here.

"Mr. Whitlock! What a pleasant surprise," Demetri greets Jasper with all the venom of a pissed off cobra as he slithers into the elevator.

Jasper's eyes are the only part of him that move in response to Demetri's words. He doesn't speak or react in any other overt way, except for the slight tilt of his body, turning to gently move Jane behind him.

That's all we need, a fucking cock fight. _Men_.

"Hey, Jasper. Hi, Jane," I say in a casual tone, waving at the thin, fragile-looking girl, and step into the elevator. It seems like it's been a million years since I met her and her brother at Pyramid Brewery.

"Hi," she mumbles, leaning against the wall, and pretends to look bored.

_Awkward elevator ride, party of four._

* * *

"I'm sorry, but that's all that I know," Cynthia looks tired and frazzled as she talks to Esme.

"What happened?" I interrupt them, touching Esme's shoulder.

"We're not all that sure," Esme says, looking worried, and tired herself. "Everything seemed to be going well. We were even going to see him a little earlier than planned, and then the nurses said that he hadn't been moved from post-op. We've been trying to find out why, but no one will tell us anything."

"Including her," Alice sneers as she points at Cynthia.

"I've told you. I can't get any more details, because -" Cynthia starts to say, but Alice jumps up.

"You're a total bitch, and you can't be bothered to do your job," Alice says, rolling her eyes. I sigh at Alice's complete lack of tact.

"I don't write hospital policy," Cynthia snaps at Alice, and I step in to try to prevent the fight that Alice seems determined to start.

"I understand, but isn't there a way to work around it?" I ask, giving Cynthia an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry Mr. Cullen, the nurse told me that someone would be out to tell us his status soon," she sighs, just as her cell phone rings in her hand. "I'm sorry, but I need to take this call."

She turns away from me, and I clench my jaw shut to keep from screaming at her.

"See, that's exactly what I'm talking about!" Alice starts to complain, flailing her arms at me, as she scowls at Cynthia.

"Alice, please," Esme scolds, setting a hand on Alice's shoulder to calm her down. "Where are Jasper and Jane?"

"They went to forage in the cafeteria," Alice replies, rolling her eyes. "I don't know how they can eat right now."

Esme turns to me, and I instinctively smile at her, in the hope that I can bring her some comfort.

"You look tired," she says, touching my forehead.

"I'm fine, Mother," I sigh, gently pushing her hand away.

"Where's Dad?" Alice asks, moving up to crowd in next to me.

"He went to speak with one of his friends," Esme answers, giving Alice a wink.

Carlisle wouldn't need to wait around if something's going wrong—not when he knows half the doctors in the building.

* * *

"How you holding up?" I turn to Jane, mostly because I'm tired of Demetri staring at me.

"Piss off!" She turns to glare at me, and folds her arms in front of her chest.

"Whoa," I say, raising my hands and taking a step back.

"Settle down, killer," Jasper chuckles, placing a hand on Jane's shoulder, and she visibly relaxes immediately.

"I hate fucking waiting," she grumbles, shrugging off Jasper's hand. She pretends to look interested in the display above the elevator doors, while it slowly counts the floors.

"I'm sure everything is fine," Demetri says from the other corner of the elevator.

Jasper and I both look at him.

"I'm trying to be positive," he pleads, taking a step back, and tries to look apologetic.

"Try doing it with your mouth shut," Jasper says in a low and threatening tone.

I watch as he turns his back on Demetri, looking as ruffled as a wet cat. Jasper is rarely this openly hostile to anyone. It's kind of funny.

"Hey, cowboy," I say, giving him a raised eyebrow to show I'm wondering what the hell crawled up his ass.

"Hey, sweetness," he smiles, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

Apparently, he doesn't want to talk about it. I still file it away to bug him about it at a more appropriate time.

"You actually let him call you that?" Jane's voice catches my attention, and I turn to see her regarding me with a look of disgust.

"Yeah," I reply with a tilt of my head, trying to match her attitude.

"I thought you were with Edward," she challenges me, stepping closer to stare up at me.

I want to laugh so hard, I feel like I'm going to explode, but I suppress it with all of my strength.

"We're just friends," I reply, putting my hands on my hips, and leaving her to figure out which one I'm referring to.

She stares at me for a long moment, then takes a deep breath and turns back to watch display above the door.

"I believe the term is _fuck buddies_ ," Demetri says with a sarcastic chuckle.

Before I can move, Jasper swivels around, slamming his hand against Demetri's chest, and pushes him up against the wall.

"Watch your mouth," Jasper hisses, leaning in close to glare at Demetri.

I've seen Jasper in a couple of dust-ups when we've gone out drinking, but seeing him in action never ceases to amaze me. He's got Demetri pinned to the wall with one hand, and the poor douche bag looks ready to have a stroke any minute.

"It was a joke!" Demetri explains, trying to wrestle free, but Jasper doesn't move his hand.

"Keep it to yourself," Jasper replies in the same chilling tone.

"Alright," Demetri relents, as the elevator chimes and the doors open.

Jasper slowly removes his hand, and Demetri rushes out of the door like his ass is on fire, with Jane following close behind him.

"I think he's going to need to change his shorts after that," I laugh, stalling before I start to exit the elevator.

Suddenly, I remember that Edward doesn't know that I've stayed, and I'm worried that I might be intruding. I can see his back from here—his square shoulders and narrow hips—as he talks to Alice and Esme. He looks so different with them there. Something in my stomach curls into a cowardly fetal position and screams for me to leave, _now_.

As I take a step backward, ready to punch the button for the lobby, a warm hand slides against my palm.

"Come on, he needs us," Jasper whispers, threading his fingers with mine, and pulls me out of the safety of the elevator.

* * *

"Thank you," Cynthia closes her phone, and turns back to us, looking more stressed.

"Please, isn't there someone else that we can talk to?" I step forward, my heart is beating so fast I feel as though I might pass out. She sighs and starts to shake her head, but then stops abruptly.

"What's the status?" Demetri appears next to me, out of breath and looking stern. I turn to smile at him, and I see Leah talking to Jasper a few feet behind me. She glances at me and I smile, despite my concern. Something expands inside my chest at the sight of her.

_She stayed._

"Mr. Crawford, I've been trying to explain to these people that –" Cynthia starts to speak, but Demetri cuts her off.

"Ms. Lawson, I'm afraid that you've misunderstood your place in the grand scheme of things," Demetri has a smile on his face—he's using his open, friendly smile. This is his business smile. It makes my skin crawl a little when he uses it around me. "You see, _these people_ are the Cullens. Not only are they one of the wealthiest families on this side of the Rockies, but also they are close personal friends of Aro Gallo. I am sure our CEO would be distressed to hear that you are embarrassing him, and insulting his friends, by not doing your job. In fact, he would probably take back your plush Bellevue condo and new Mercedes. So, if you don't want me ship you back to New Jersey, and the shitty social services job where I found you, you better get your ass in there and find out what's going on."

Cynthia flushes crimson and disappears from our sight. Demetri lets out a slow breath, then turns back to greet us with his normal pleasant smile.

"Thank you, dear," Esme gives him a cordial smile, but I can't tell by the way she's fidgeting with her rosary beads she's embarrassed by his rude display of rank. I don't think she realizes she been clutching them so tightly that there are small round imprints running across the knuckles of her hand.

"It is a pleasure to be of service, Mrs. Cullen," he greets Esme with one of the most sincere smiles I have ever seen on his face, and takes Esme's hand in his own. "How have you been?"

"Good, now that you boys are here to help," She replies, smiling at both of us, as she pats the side of Demetri's face with her free hand. "How is your mother?"

"Forever bemoaning my bachelorhood," he laughs, releasing her hand with flourish, and breaking the intimacy of the moment to turn and greet Alice. "Hello Beautiful," he winks, earning the usual response from her.

"Uck, no," Alice groans, turning her back to him, and wrapping her arms around my neck. "Where have you been?"

I'm about to answer when I see the double doors marked "restricted" open, and Carlisle walks through them. He's talking with a man in blue scrubs, who looks like he might be a surgeon. They both have stern looks on their faces as they talk. Carlisle nods gravely at the something the surgeons says, and I watch in numb silence as the man walks away. He's careful to never look in our direction. Carlisle looks at us.

As I stare into Carlisle's pain-filled eyes, I remember something he told me when I was trying to decide what branch of medicine to go into. My professors had been telling me that with my hands and attention to detail, I would make a great surgeon. Carlisle had sighed when I'd asked him what I should do.

" _Surgeons are good with the nuts and bolts of the body. They are like artists, using the body as their palette, but many of them never truly understand the heart of medicine—that the body has a soul, and loved ones who care for them. There is always a person behind the patient that they fail to see. When they lose a patient, many surgeons can't look at the family, because it makes them realize that they lost a person. It's why they don't always have the best bedside manner. Some will even have a nurse talk to the family on their behalf. A doctor however, will look you in the eye and tell you the truth, no matter how bad it is. He will face you with the best and worse news. He should be there for his patients and their families. You have the skill, and talent to be surgeon, Edward. There's no doubt about that, but you have the heart of a doctor._

I step forward, removing Alice's arms from my neck, and start to walk toward Carlisle. I sense a strangling pain come to life inside my chest. His expression tells me the answer, but I need to hear it from his mouth—even though I know it will destroy me.

"Tell me!" I close the distance between us in a blur. Carlisle grabs me, his strong hands gripping my forearms as he slowly shakes his head. His eyes are shadowed by pain and sympathy, but it doesn't ease the sting, it merely amplifies it.

"He's gone," Carlisle's voice rings in my ears, as my throat closes, and my breath leaves my body.

"No!" Alice screams.

I pull free from Carlisle's grip and take a step back, trying to catch my breath.

"What happened?" Demetri asks, and I notice the room starts to spin around me.

"His new heart failed—it had simply been out of the body for too long a period of time, and his body began to shut down. It became calcified, hardened, and they couldn't get it restarted. By the time they figured it out, it was too late—the new heart was transplanted in him, and the damage couldn't be undone." Carlisle's voice is low and strained as he speaks, but I can't focus on him over the sound of Esme reciting "The Lord's Prayer."

People move around me, talking and crying, but I can't get my bearings straight. I feel like I can't breathe, nauseous and weak. Blackness starts to close in on me, narrowing my vision to a pinpoint view of the bright, white wall behind Carlisle's head.

_I failed._

My legs collapse beneath me, sending me crashing painfully to the hard cold floor. The impact jars my whole body, causing me to grunt, while tears burst from my eyes and a horse whimper of pain escapes from my mouth. I cower on the floor like a useless piece of shit.

"Edward!" Several voices call my name, but I only truly hear one.

Leah's warm hands touch my cheek, and I flinch away. I don't want her comfort, I don't deserve it. I want to scream and slam my head into the floor. The pain in my chest is stealing all my strength. I don't fight her as she takes hold of my face and lifts up my head.

"Breathe," her voice carries over all the noise around me. I can't resist obeying. I suck in air like a drowning man. The blackness pulls back from the corners of my vision and I stare up at her.

"In and out," she says with a nod. All I can see is her beautiful face, her dark eyebrows pulled together, and her lips are turned down at the corners.

I want to tell her I'm sorry, but I'm not strong enough to speak, not yet.

I continue to breathe as she holds onto me, her touch filling me with strength. I start to focus on the voices around me.

"She was just here," someone speaks; it sounds like Esme, but I'm not sure.

"I think she made a run for the stairs," Jasper says from behind me and I turn to look at him.

He looks out of breath, like he's been running, and I wonder how long I was on floor. How long I was wallowing in my own grief, not even considering what this means to Jane? I tighten my grip on Leah's wrists, feeling stronger by the minute.

"We have to find her!" I insist, and they both nod.

* * *

"Jane, what's wrong?" Felix whispers, and tries to touch my face.

I don't know why he has to make it hard by being so fucking sweet.

"Don't talk!" I hiss, slapping his hand away, and work my way under his blankets.

"Okay," he sighs, leaning back and trying to look casual, but I can feel the tension in his muscles.

The dim light from the windows makes his naked chest look like it's glowing. Sometimes I wonder if he sleeps like this in the hopes that I'll visit. The first time, he was wearing a t-shirt, as well as sweat pants to bed. It took forever for me to get it off him, which is how we got caught. I was smart enough to only wear long t-shirt, so I could just slip it off, and I was naked in a second.

Not that I wanted to actually fuck him that night. I was just paying around, seeing how far I could get, and how bad he really wanted me. Felix always looks at me in a strange way, like he's in on some kind of secret or something. I mean, people look at me all the time, but they don't really see me. Felix is different, when he looks at me I feel like I'm real, which is fucking crazy.

He's doing it again, right now. His finger traces small circles on my thigh. I can tell by the shadows on his face that he's smiling, like he's won a fucking prize, and for once he's right. I slide under the thin wool blanket, and slip my hand under the waistband of his sweats. He's hard and smooth, same as he always is, but something feels different this time. Maybe it's because I know that I'm not playing around. This time I'm serious.

"Remember the deal," he says, grabbing my wrist, and stopping my hand.

I raise my eyes to look at his face. It's so dark it's hard to make out more than his eyebrows and full lips, but I know him well enough to understand that he's probably wearing his stern look. Felix has never wavered on this one fucking _condition_.

"I know," I reply, sighing heavily, but he keeps a tight hold on my wrist.

He's never going to let up, until I say it. So, why am I not just saying it? _Fuck!_

"We don't have to go all the way," he sounds funny, like he's got something stuck in his throat.

He covers the side of my face with his meaty hand, and strokes my chin with his thumb. That's not fair. He shouldn't be this nice. Sure, that's why I chose him, because I know he's clean, and he won't hurt me, but I can't deal with this... _touching._

" _You got to take care of yourself, especially if something bad happens," Alec's voice was a strained whisper.  
_

_It wasn't enough that the bright hospital lights made him look half dead, he had to be talking like we were planning his fucking funeral._

" _Don't even start," I growl, leaning down to wrap my arms around his frail shoulders._

" _I love you," he whispered in my ear, just as I was pulling away._

_I stared down at him, and all I could think was that it wasn't fair. I'm the liar, methhead, piece of shit. Alec has always been the better one. He doesn't deserve to suffer, but that's how this shit works. I get to fuck up at every turn, and Alec pays the price, every time._

This time was supposed to be different. Edward promised that it would be, but he was as full of shit as the rest of them. He tossed us this bullshit dream, and we took it, because it was all we had. I should have known better, and walked away. I could have saved us the trouble. Maybe bought Alec a few more years.

It doesn't matter now. Nothing matters now.

"I love you," it comes out so easily that I almost believe it.

Felix's hand tightens around the back of my neck, and I can feel his dick twitch in my hand.

"I love you, Jane," he whispers against my lips.

I feel dead inside.

He kisses me and I try my best to respond, but it still feels wrong. Felix continues to touch me, his beefy hands slide down my back to cup my ass, and pull me against him.

"Stop!" I push back and he releases me.

"What's wrong?" He shifts up as I crawl backwards on the bed.

I'm shaking, and my eyes are stinging. This isn't right. It should be different. He should be distracting me, not making me feel worse.

"I can't do this, any of this," it comes out in a choked sob, tearing up my throat and chest as it comes out.

"Jane," Felix calls out in a hushed tone, as he reaches for me, but I dodge his hand, and run back to the window.

I'm through it, and climbing down the drainpipe as fast as I can. It was a mistake to come here. He can't help me forget. There's only one thing that can.

* * *

We've been driving around the city for hours, trying to track down Jane. She wasn't at any of her normal spots in the parks or bus tunnels. I even check the downtown police station to see if she'd been brought in, but she wasn't there. We were running out of options when Heidi called me.

Heidi was frantic. Apparently, Jane had snuck into the shelter, and then left. Felix had tried to leave to go after her. Heidi had convinced him to stay in the shelter while she called me, but she was still concerned that he would sneak out to find Jane.

"Felix won't say anything other than she was really upset when she left," Heidi sighs, sounding a little shaken.

"Tell him that I'm on my way to pick her up, right now," I tell her, trusting that she not only knows it's a lie, but also that it's better to keep him safe than to tell him the truth. He has a bright future, and enough lives have been ruined tonight.

"I will, if you tell me what the hell is going on," she whispers, and I weigh my options.

I'm going to have to tell her eventually, and I wanted to do it in person; she needs to know.

"Alec...he didn't..." my throat constricts around the words, like my body can't even accept the truth.

I can't hear anything but silence for several seconds, and I'm worried that I might need to head to the shelter. The kids need someone to be strong for them right now.

"I understand," Heidi replies with a shaky voice, and takes a deep breath before she continues to speak. "Don't worry about us, Edward. Just bring her home."

"I'll call once I've found her," I reply, pulling Leah's truck in a pay lot. I quickly find a parking spot and turn off the engine.

"Be safe," she says softly.

I can almost hear the tears she's holding back, and I remember all the times that I saw her with Alec. She was always checking his homework, reminding him to wear a hat, and constantly taking him to the nurse's office if he was breathing heavily. I never really thought about how many other people's lives he had touched.

"I will," I whisper, and hang up before my own grief can distract me.

Leah's sitting on the other side of the bench seat, silently staring at the bright lights of downtown.

"She left the shelter about an hour ago," I tell her, unbuckling my seatbelt, and try to think of my options.

"Shit!" She exhales in a rush, and slouches back into the backrest. "What do we do now?"

I stare at the steering wheel, not answering her question. There is only one thing left to do, and I really don't want to do it. Leah sighs heavily, shifts closer, and sets her warm hand on my arm.

"Edward," she says my name softly. The tenderness in her voice only makes it worse, but I don't have any other choice.

"Do you have any cash on you?" I ask, pulling my arm away to grab my wallet from my back pocket.

"Uh, a little," she stutters, digging into her jeans, and producing a small wad of crumpled bills.

I quickly count our combined money—two hundred and fifty dollars. It should be enough. I carefully fold the bills into a neat, tight packet, and tuck into my pocket. I pull off my jacket, and place it under the seat.

I open my door, and a violent wind whips into the cab of the truck. The cold cuts right through the thin fabric of Seth's t-shirt, leaving me shaking, and stinging my eyes. It's good, actually—I need it to keep me focused. It will also help me to look the part. Laurent needs to believe that I'm using again, or I don't stand any chance of getting him to help me find Jane, before it's too late.

"Where are we going?" Leah appears beside me, looking curious and a little concerned.

"There's a club a few blocks away." I stop, realizing that I didn't think this through; Leah is going find out that I used to do drugs.

There's no avoiding it, even if I could convince her to stay in the truck, which I can't. I don't know explain to tell her why I'm going into one of the most notorious clubs in the city. I'm ready for Leah to know about this part of my past, but I don't really have a choice anymore. Finding Jane is more important.

"Okay, lead the way," she says casually, taking my hand and waits for me to start walking.

I take a deep breath, and give her hand a squeeze as I start walking. As the wind whips around us, tossing her hair across her face, I wonder if she'll ever want to see me again after tonight, once she knows the whole truth about who I am.

* * *

This club is right out of one of those shitty rap videos that Embry loves to watch. Women in scraps of spandex are shaking their asses all around us as some overpaid shithead brags about his yachts in time with a rhythmic beat that's giving me a fucking headache. This is the last place I would ever expect Edward to take me.

He's got my wrist in a death grip as he leads me through the club, toward a row of booths set against the back wall. There are several heavy looking thugs standing in front of the booths, and I think that we're going to have to walk around them, but Edward walks right up to the biggest motherfucker in this place.

"Hey, Dre," he says, with a nod and his trademark smirk.

"Whitebread!" The biggest black man I have ever seen gives Edward a wide, friendly smile, and steps to the side to allow us to pass.

I don't have time to look as dumbfounded as I feel, because we're already walking up to a booth with a scrawny black dude lounging like a king, his arm around an even skinnier redhead.

"Holy Shit! Am I seeing a ghost?" The black guy yells and claps as the redhead starts to giggle.

"It's been a while, Laurent," Edward laughs good naturedly, and gives them a sly smile.

"Shit, boy, I'd given up on you. Demetri said you were in rehab," Laurent says, waving his hand, and two chairs appear behind us.

"I was doing it to keep the father happy, and keep the money flowing," Edward replies, taking a seat, and pulls me down into the chair next to him.

As I watch them chat, it dawns on me how Edward knows this guy, and my mind is blown for a moment. Everything I thought that I knew about Edward has been flipped on its head. He used to do drugs, and judging by the appearance of the sketchy dealer, the drug in question was meth. Edward was a methhead? It doesn't mesh in my brain, but I guess it doesn't matter, because it's the truth.

"Ah, but what's a little time between friends?" Laurent says, reaching out a hand toward Edward.

"Precisely," Edward chuckles, taking Laurent's hand. For a brief second, I see a small patch of green in Edward's palm, and I suddenly realize what's going down.

The hand-off. Edward just stuck me in the middle of a fucking bad cop movie, and I'm pissed off. They shake hands for a second, and as Laurent pulls his hand back he looks down at it.

"Trust me, friend, it will be like old times in no time," he smiles, nodding his head, and the redhead leans across the table.

Edward nudges me, and nods toward the scrawny, yellow-toothed bitch that's polishing the table top with her saggy tits. I give him my best "eat shit and die" glare, as I sit there. I can't believe that he's pulled me into this, and didn't at least warn me ahead of time.

"Leah, please," Edward tells me, brushing his lips over my ear, and pressing his palm against my lower back.

I sigh, shake my head, and lean forward. The redhead grabs my hand, pulling me closer to her, and gives me a fake smile.

"Better watch that attitude if you want to keep your man," she says. Her breath stinks like shit, and her nails dig into my palm as deposits a little plastic bag into my hand.

"What if I don't?" I give her a smile that's all teeth and evil.

"Someone younger and hotter might snatch him up," she replies, looking smug and satisfied.

I don't know if it's the combination of the stress, the fact that she's winking at Edward or just this whole fucked up situation, but something in me snaps. A cold rage washes over me as my fingers close around the little baggie, and I curl my hand into a fist.

* * *

Everything was going so well. Laurent was the same old laid back businessman that I remembered. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss him a little. We have always felt a strange affinity for one another. While on the surface it would seem that we have nothing in common, especially now that I no longer use. Still, Laurent and I share a similar sense of ethics.

He calls it his code of honor. Discretion, mutual respect, and payment upon delivery. These are the simple but effective rules that Laurent follows. If at any time these are violated, the business relationship is severed, and the appropriate consequences are enacted. In truth, there was very little difference between the corporate world and this one, except here, people are a little more explicit when they threaten your life.

Still, the transaction went well, and I was waiting for the right moment to bring up Jane. I was in the middle of complimenting Laurent the remodel of the club, when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to look, I felt every hope I had die in an instant as Leah's fist collided with the side of Laurent's girlfriend's face.

"Leah!" I stand up, trying to grab her, but she is already crawling across the table, trying to get at the screaming redhead.

To his credit, Laurent handles the situation with his usual regal grace. He climbs out of booth, being careful to not get hit by either of the fighting women, and waves Dre over.

"Nothing like a cat fight to liven shit up," he chuckles, elbowing me in the ribs, while we watch Dre struggle to pull Leah off of the redhead.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, moving to intervene, but he grabs my arm, holding me back.

"You're only going to get hurt," he says, shaking his head. "'sides, that's what he gets paid for."

Dre finally steps back, having captured Leah in his thick arms. She has red hair in both of her fists, and a look of smoldering rage on her beautiful face.

"That's quite a woman you got there," Laurent comments, shaking his head.

"I won't argue that," I reply, as I give him another apologetic smile.

"Better get her into bed, let her work out that shit on your dick," Laurent says, giving me a friendly smile, and pats my shoulder.

I turn to look at him, and realize that this is my last chance to ask him.

"Can I ask you a quick question?" I say, as we start to walk toward Dre.

"Better make it real quick," he replies, gesturing toward Leah.

"Put me down, you fucking asshole!" She screams as Dre struggles to keep his hold on her.

"Have you had any younger girls come through lately? Short, blonde, kinda pretty?" I ask as casually as I can manage while Leah nearly kicks over several tables.

"I would think that you have your hands full with that one," Laurent comments with a raised eyebrow.

"No! It's nothing like that. She's just a kid, a hoodrat, who ripped me off a while back," I say with a shrug, and resist the urge to grab hold of Leah as she struggles in Dre's arms.

"I don't deal to kids," he says, looking insulted.

I panic, realizing that I may have just made bad situation even worse.

"I am so sorry. It wasn't my intention to insult you. I was just hoping that you might know where I could find her," I apologize, stumbling over my own words and mentally kicking myself for the misstep.

"Simmer down," he laughs, slapping my back. "I not gonna lose my shit over it, but don't go assuming that I'm some kiddy fucker just because I push and pimp. A smart guy like you should know better than to get mixed up with that shit anyway," Laurent scolds in a fatherly tone.

"Now, get your crazy woman out of here, before she knocks out Dre's teeth," he continues to chuckle as he pushes me toward the door.

I open the door and Dre gently sets Leah down on her feet. She doesn't even turn to say anything, instead she charges through door, and out of the club.

"Good luck with that," Dre says, shaking his head.

"Thanks," I reply, giving him a weak smile as I walk out, letting the door close behind me with a heavy thud.

The night air is chilly, and the wind is starting to pick up again. I can see Leah waiting for me, further down the alley.

"Wait up," I call out, jogging to catch up with her.

"Please, tell me that we didn't go through all that for nothing," she speaks in a clipped tone and crosses her arms.

"I wish that I could," I reply, feeling defeated and guilty.

"Are you serious? Fuck!" She screams and spins around to shove me backwards into a dumpster.

"What is your problem?" I yell, and try to regain my balance.

"My problem is that I don't like drug dealers!" she replies, glaring at me.

"Leah, I –" I try to explain, but she charges forward.

"You what? You didn't think it was important to warn me what we were walking into? Didn't think I could deal with it? You arrogant, presumptuous bastard!" She snarls, shaking her finger in my face.

It's too much. Not only have I exposed an embarrassing part of my past for nothing, but Leah is obviously disgusted with me. She hates me. She must, if she used that word. I blink for a second, unable to speak as something cold and hard settles over me. It's comforting in it's own way.

"Well, I wouldn't say that picking a fight with the drug dealer's girlfriend shows that you're exactly prepared to handle the situation," I reply coldly, and raise my eyes to see her face flush.

"Screw you!" she snaps, looking a little embarrassed, but she quickly recovers. "What was I supposed to do? Just sit there and play stupid?"

"No, I _hoped_ you'd have self control," I point out calmly, watching her closely.

"I did! She's still alive, isn't she?" She counters, crossing her arms over her chest, but I can see her anger morphing into frustration. "Fucking bitch! You should have heard what she said to me!"

"I think I have a pretty good idea from the way she was rubbing my dick under the table," I say, realizing for the first time that Leah is just as out of sorts as I am tonight.

I can't resist smirking at how Leah's eyes grow wide with renewed fury.

"That fucking whore!" She practically growls as her hands close into fists, and she glances back down the alley toward the club.

"You're not seriously thinking about going back," I laugh, startling myself with an odd sound. Laughter shouldn't shock me, but tonight everything seems so hopeless that this moment seems to stand out.

"No...well, maybe," she replies, a playful smile catching the corner of her mouth, even as she continues to stare at the rusty door of the club.

"You're utterly fearless, aren't you?" Seeing her jealousy extinguishes the last of my anger in an instant.

I can't stop myself as I close the distance between us, and wrap my hand around the back of her neck. The feel of her warm skin beneath my palm calms me, and helps to clear my head.

"I think you mean crazy," she speaks in a hushed tone, leaning forward to press her forehead against mine.

I need this, now more than ever. There is an undeniable gravity to her that I cannot resist, even if I wanted to, but I stopped that fight long ago. She is right; I should have warned her before we went into the club. I take a deep breath, preparing to apologize when my cellphone starts buzzing in my pocket.

"You better get that," Leah says, her strong hands gently pushing against my chest.

I groan, and pull out my phone. As soon as I see that it's Jasper, my heart rate doubles, and I immediately answer.

"Jasper," it comes out in a gasp. Leah presses herself close to my side, and I wrap my arm around her waist while I wait for him to respond.

"I've got her," the sound of Jasper's voice brings me back to reality with a snap.

"That's great news!" I sigh, and the weight that had been pulling me down lifts slightly.

"Edward," he sighs, sounding tired. "It's not good."

"Where are you?" I demand, panic making my hands shake.

"Is Leah still with you?" His voice is steady, as a cold, sickening feeling coils in the pit of my stomach.

"Yes! Now tell me where you are!" My voice is low and threatening.

"We're in the E.R.," he sounds defeated. "They're working on her now, but with as much as she took...I'm not sure-"

"I'm on my way," I say, hanging up, and that hollow feeling returns to my chest.

It's my greatest fear. Now that Alec's gone, Jane has no reason to stay clean. No reason to stay alive.

Leah's staring at me, a million questions on her face. I start to explain, but she just shakes her head.

"Explain it to me on the way," she says, taking my hand, and threading her fingers through mine.


	22. The Folly of Icarus

"Carlisle, be straight with me," I grunt, trying to keep from breathing in too deeply.

I think I cracked a rib. The pain when I breathe doesn't make me pass out or throw up, but it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch. I've broken enough ribs to recognize that as a good sign.

"I promise, she will be fine," Carlisle says with an exasperated sigh, and ushers me over to an empty gurney. "Please sit down, and let me have a look at you."

He rolls a cart along with him, and yanks a thin curtain around us, giving us a false sense of privacy.

The curtain does nothing to keep the noise of the ER at bay. I can still hear people milling around beyond the curtain, their voices reduced to a hum, working on the other walking wounded that pour into the hospital. The lobby had been packed when I arrived with an unconscious, half-naked Jane in my arms, wrapped in an old army blanket that I had stored in my jeep. She felt weightless, like a wounded angel.

I screamed at the stoic faces of the nurses, trying to explain the amount of heroin that I had seen in the shithole, trying to make them understand that I didn't know how long she'd been unconscious. I screeched like a mad man that she was dying in my arms, while they just stood there and stared at me.

I was lucky—one of nurses knew of the Cullens and recognized me from one of Esme's big New Year's Eve parties. I had no idea who she was; her name tag said Cope. She spoke to me in soft, reassuring words as they placed Jane on a gurney and whisked her down the hallway. I followed them through the double doors marked as off limits and for hospital staff only. As they rolled her into a room the doctors and nurses swarm around us. A doctor tried to examine me, but thought better of it when I told him in a calm, and threatening tone to help Jane first.

Nurse Cope tugged on my arm, and said she'd called Carlisle to come for me. I ignored her, and the pain in my body, refusing to leave. I stood like a sentinel, and waited until I heard the steady beat of Jane's heart on the monitor, and felt the weight of Carlisle's hand on my back. He spoke to the security guards that were heading toward me, and Nurse Cope, banishing them as he turned to regard me with a concerned frown. As he reassured me that Jane would be okay, my body started to feel the effects of my injuries, making me sway a little. Carlisle caught me, and urged me to allow him to treat my wounds. I reluctantly agreed, but quickly refused to take the wheelchair he offered. I stumbled along behind Carlisle in a daze, leaving a small trail of blood drops on the white floor, with each step.

"I don't mean to be a pain in the ass," I apologize, and shift my weight to my uninjured leg, but it only increases the pain in my shoulder. "I'm just worried. I don't know how much they gave her, and you know she's no bigger than a mayfly," I say with a wince, as he helps me sit down.

"Trust me, I've seen much worse," he reassures me in his signature calm, professional tone, and pulls on some blue gloves. "You're the one I'm worried about, Jasper."

"Does this hurt?" I hear Carlisle's question half a second before the pain shoots through me, temporarily blinding me. I bite the inside of my cheek to pull myself together and to keep from passing out.

"Naw," I reply, keeping my face a passive mask as he continues to press his fingers into the crusted blood on my shoulder.

"It must look worse than it is," he mumbles, moving back to open a drawer of the cart.

"Yeah, I got hit in the leg too, but it doesn't hurt much either," I lie, shrugging as casually as I can with the burning pain in my shoulder, and blinking away the tears that threaten to leak out of my eyes.

"I'm going to have to cut off your jacket and shirt," he says, holding up a pair of scissors, but I quickly shake my head and slide off my jacket. Red hot pain sears through my upper body from just this slight movement. If I didn't know any better, I would swear that boiling water is being pumped through my veins, but I grit my teeth and deal with it.

"Alice gave me this jacket, and there was no way I'm going to bring it home in rags," I explain , carefully placing the jacket on the bed beside me. The blood will wash out, and holes can be mended, but a gift from Alice is a treasure. I can't bear to part with a single one.

Carlisle observes me with a mixture of affection and concern. I can tell how hard it is for him. You can see how difficult it is for him to watch someone he loves experience any pain. I don't know what I've done to deserve it, , or Alice's for that matter, but I feel blessed to have it nonetheless.

"You know that physicians are required to report gunshot victims to the police," Carlisle mentions as he wipes a cool, damp swab over my wound. I expect it to sting, but it feels soothing.

"I wouldn't exactly call myself a victim," I reply with a smile, hoping he will drop the subject.

I'll accept any consequences that fall on me for what I did tonight; Jane's safety was worth that and more, but I don't want to diminish myself in Carlisle's eyes. Well, at least not more than I have already.

"I guess you're lucky that this isn't a gunshot wound, then," he says with a wink, and drops the soiled cotton into a red container marked with a biohazard symbol.

"I guess I am," I chuckle, despite the pain.

* * *

I hate the smell of a hospital. It's just one of the reasons I'm freaked out about being here for the second time in one night. Edward's completely distraught state is forcing me to keep my cool. I need to keep it together because it he looks like he's going to crack at any minute. I was a doing a great job until we rounded the corner and saw Jasper.

"What in the holy shit fuck?" The words pour out my mouth, as I rush over to Jasper.

"Always a lady, Leah," Jasper says. He has a pained look on his face, that is supposed to be a smile, I think, but I can't really tell from the way his grinding his teeth.

"Please refrain from moving," Dr. Cullen's voice is cool and professional as he pulls a needle through gaping wound on Jasper's arm.

"Are you okay?" Edward takes the words right out of my mouth.

"Just a scratch, nothing to worry yourself about," Jasper answers Edward's question, but he's looking directly at me as he slides his arm around my waist.

Jasper looks like a truck hit him. Bruises and blood pepper the pale skin of his already heavily scarred chest. The white of his right eye has bits of red in it, and there are dark bruise beneath it. He has a cut on his neck, and his bottom lip is split open. The muscles of his stomach flex with each movement of the needle, showing off the contour of old cuts and long-healed burns that never fail to freak me out. I have to suppress the urge to punch out Edward's father. I don't realize that I'm shaking until his arm tightens around me.

"Shhh," Jasper says in a hoarse whisper.

I look up at his face, but he's staring straight ahead, and taking short, shallow breaths. I'm not surprised that he won't look at me; he knows where my mind is going. How could I not think about where he got all his old scars, and whether he had to go back to that life to save Jane?

I look over at Edward's and Dr. Cullen's grave faces and wonder if they know just how much Jasper sacrificed to help their family. It's doubtful that Jasper would have told them about his past. The only reason he had let it slip to me was because we were totally shitfaced on tequila, and he was trying to make me feel better about Sam. It is probably for the best that the Cullens don't know, and they probably never should. They are good people, but there's no telling how they would react. Even good people might not want a man like Jasper dating their daughter. It didn't matter to me, but I understand that someone can make a lot of mistakes and still be a good man at heart.

"What happened?" Edward's voice cracks, his eyes trained on Jasper. I could see the guilt making his green eyes practically glow with pain. It kills me to look at him like this, so I shift away and try to focus on folding Jasper's jacket.

There is drying blood all over the jacket; it is still sticky. It smears over my finger tips and I suddenly feel dirty. I can see a blackened circle in the smooth fabric: The unmistakable mark of a bullet hole. I've shot enough pistols at the old scarecrow in the field behind Auntie Ruth's property to know what bullets can do to cloth. I've even been hunting with Uncle Charlie and seen what a .45 caliber bullet can do to a deer. Images of blood and the smell of death make me choke. I drop the jacket back onto the gurney, and rub my hands on my pants, as I turn my attention back to Jasper.

"She was unconscious when I finally found her. I figured the best thing to do was to get her here where someone could help her," Jasper's voice is low, and his eyes are fixed on the floor, as the muscles in his jaw twitch.

He's lying. It's hard to tell, unless you've caught him doing it before. Jasper's eyes shift to look at me, and his expression changes for a split second. His eyes soften as he stares at me, and he scrapes his bottom lip between his teeth. It's a silent plea for me to act as his accomplice.

"Good thinking," I sigh. When I turn away from his grateful expression, I notice that Dr. Cullen is watching us.

"It's a great thing that you did," Dr. Cullen adds calmly, staring at me, as he presses a bandage to Jasper's thigh.

A small dot of red appears in the center of clean white pad, gradually growing larger. I can't pull my eyes away, until Edward steps forward and blocks my view.

"Thank you, Jasp-" Edward chokes on the end of his sentence.

"Not a thing, brother," Jasper whispers, sliding his callused hand behind Edward's neck, and pulling him into a half hug. The gesture should be awkward, but it looks as natural as breathing, like they're connected at the chest. I feel my throat constricting as I watch a tear slide down the side of Edward's face. I can hear Jasper saying something, but the sound is muffled by Edward's body.

"All done," Dr. Cullen pronounces with an awkward cough.

"Great," I respond, clinging to Dr. Cullen's presence like a drowning man.

Jasper and Edward are still whispering to each other. I step forward, trying to help Dr. Cullen clean up, because I don't know what the hell else to do.

"Leah, you shouldn't touch that without gloves," he says, gently shooing me away from the small kidney-shaped dish that holds two slugs. The lead bullets are unmistakable, even when covered by a thick pool of dark red blood. Two bullets. I glance up, intending to look at Jasper, but my sight is filled with Dr. Cullen's sympathetic smile.

"He's going to be all right," he says, patting my arm.

I stare at the striking features of Carlisle Cullen's face, wanting his smile to bring me comfort, but it doesn't. He isn't lying, but he's doing a shitty job of covering up his own concern. It's like we're seeing under the skin of this situation, and I want to scream. The palpable fear and anger in the room make my skin crawl. Dr. Cullen peels off the bright blue gloves covering his strong hands, and reaches over to touch my cheek. His skin is surprisingly cold, but strangely comforting.

"I know," I sigh. I can't bring myself to pull away from his soothing touch.

He gives me a sympathetic smile that looks exactly like Edward's, which shouldn't be possible. Not that my thundering heart can tell the difference.

"Of course you do," he replies, with another smile that could light the night sky, and pulls me into his chest.

Before I'm prepared for it, Edward's father is hugging me. Despite only being a few inches shorter than him, I suddenly feel small and weak. Tears are so close to bursting from my eyes that it's painful to keep them at bay. He holds me closely, kissing the top of my head, like I'm one of his kids. It's sweet, warm, and fucking weird.

"Dr. Cullen," a nurse appears beside us, startling the shit out of me.

"Shelley," Edward's father turns to her, loosening his hold on me. The nurse tells him that Jane is stable, and has been transferred to an ICU bed upstairs.

I seize the opportunity to pull free from his arms, while he thanks the nurse. I wish that I didn't like the hug as much as I did. It feels greedy to take comfort from him; it always has.

"Are you ready to go?" Edward has a strange expression on his face, and I realize he's not looking at me—he's staring at his father. Something about his apologetic look makes me turn away. It feels like I have a vice around my chest, cinching tighter with every passing second.

"You should go home," I tell Jasper, giving him a hard look.

"I'd like to go along with you guys first," he replies with a pained smirk. "To make sure Jane's okay."

"Okay," I nod, and gesture for Edward to lead the way.

* * *

Leah looks like a spooked cat, and Edward looks like a death-row inmate. We make a fine picture riding in the world's slowest elevator. I wish I could say something to comfort them, but I'm in too much pain to think of any fancy words. I'm all out of art and shit right now.

"We're here," Leah says, right as the elevator chimes and the doors part.

Edward follows her exit in silence, and then quickly takes the lead from her. He approaches the nurse's station, and falls into an easy exchange with the women. I always find it amusing when Edward claims that he's not good with people. He can play them like a well-tuned instrument. He always gets whatever he wants by using his winning smile and a well-placed word. It's sad that he doesn't recognize his innate talent, but it's probably for the best.

Men with power should never be aware of it, because that's always where things go wrong. Leah knows this as well as I do, though it seems like Edward is making her forget. Part of me envies her that.

"Is she going to blow him right here?" Leah grumbles in disgust, staring at the young nurse talking to Edward. The girl is very casually flirting, nothing unusual where Edward is concerned, but Leah is reacting like a shark that smells the blood in the water.

"Dial it down, sweetness, or someone might think you care," I reply. I can barely contain the smile that's making my split lip scream, but it's worth it to tease Leah.

"Fuck you," Leah growls, smiling despite herself.

She knows better than to try to pretend with me. I caught her, and she just nods, accepting it.

"Come on," Edward says, waving to us, and turns to follow the nurse down the hallway.

I can see the tension in Leah's posture as we follow, and I put my arm over her shoulder.

"You've got it bad," I chuckle, pulling her closer.

"I'm not above kicking a man when he's down," she whispers, shrugging me off, and walks a little faster to catch up with Edward.

"Now, only one of you can go in at a time," the nurse says, stopping in front of a closed door.

"Thank you so much for you help, Ashley," Edward replies with a friendly smile, extending his hand.

"My pleasure. Let me know if there's anything else you need, anything at all." Ashley is laying it on a little thick, but quickly backs away when Leah steps forward. I can't see the look on her face, but judging by the way that Ashley quickly retreats, I'm sure it was priceless.

"I hope you don't mind if I go in first," Edward hesitates a bit. He glances over his shoulder at the door, looking downright spooked.

"Of course not," Leah sighs. She gently brushes his hair out of his eyes and drags her finger tips along his cheek.

Edward is drawn in by her touch, his whole posture and expression changing as he looks down at her. My mind flashes back to that sunny afternoon at the stadium, when I saw them walking hand in hand. His look of complete contentment warms me. I wish I could capture it somehow, to be able to show him just how happy he looks.

"Go," she says, pushing the door open, and shoves him into the room.

Just like that, the moment is gone, like a flash of lightning, but I can still see it when I close my eyes. I take a deep breath. A strange, all-encompassing calm sweeps over me, making my bones feel lighter, and my head feels over-stuffed full of thoughts. The world starts to tilt slightly, and I hear Leah saying my name.

"Sorry," I mumble, as she guides me to a nearby chair. "Just coming down from all the adrenaline."

"Are you sure you're okay?" She's giving me the same adorable motherly look that she always gives me when I'm three sheets to the wind and talking like a pirate.

"Don't worry yourself. I've walked away from worse," I reassure her with a pat on the leg, and kick my feet out, as I lean against the wall behind the tiny plastic chair. I hate how these things make me feel like a giant.

"Jasper," Leah's voice is a pained whisper.

I close my eyes for a second, trying to recapture the image of Edward's happiness, instead of the bloody events of this evening. It's useless; the darkness leads my thoughts straight back to mayhem and horror. I open my eyes to chase away the unwanted images with Leah's beautiful face. For a moment, I see a different face, just a ghost, but it brings an old ache to life in my gut. I briefly turn away from Leah and the past, taking a moment to collect myself again. She shifts beside me. Her warm hand wraps around my wrist, allowing me to hold back my tears.

I finally turn to look at her, and take in her worried expression. Leah knows better than most how hard it was for me to do what I did tonight, even though she doesn't know any of the details yet. She doesn't have to; she can sense it, as if it's a scent on my skin. While she can't hide that this knowledge weighs her down, she has never wavered in her loyalty to me. Another blessing that I should be thankful for, among so many.

"No one died," I sigh, hoping to god that she'll be satisfied by that nugget of information _._

_S_ he continues to stare at me, worry creasing the corners of her mouth.

"You take care of him, and don't worry about me, princess." I give her a cocky smirk, ignore how much it hurts to appear so at easy, and reach over to cup her cheek in my hand.

I hope that my teasing will distract her and lighten the mood. Her dark eyes glitter in the florescent light. She knows what I'm trying to do, and she knows why. I stare at her, trying to silently convey to her just how much I don't want to talk about it. Her expression of turmoil reminds me of Carlisle. Then it's suddenly gone, replaced by resolution and good ol' annoyance.

"Fine," she snaps. Swatting my hand away, she gives me a smile, even as she rolls her eyes. "Stop calling me princess, cocksucker."

"Now look who's bein' a flirt?" I chuckle, suppressing a wince of pain, and settle back into my seat, wishing I had a hat to cover my eyes.

* * *

The room seems like a cave. Jane's small, pale form glows in the golden light of the overhead lamp. The night sky outside looks ominous and threatening. A shiver runs through me as I hover near the foot of her bed and listen to the soft sound of her breathing. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

I sit down in the narrow plastic chair at the bedside, and reach out to take her tiny, limp hand in my own. It seems so light and frail. Her pale skin looks stretched thin over wiry veins and sharp bones. Her closed eyes have dark purple and grey circles beneath them; her blond hair lies in greasy clumps on the pillow. Jane looks so frozen, like a sickly sleeping beauty.

I lean up, and press my lips against the cool skin of her knuckles, and whisper an apology. I can feel her pulse in her palm, and try to focus on that thread of hope; it gives me the consolation that at least I haven't destroyed her life. _Arrogant_. Leah's called me arrogant so many times that I've lost count. For the first time, I realize just how right she is about me.

It was arrogant to think I could solve everything with money and influence. Carlisle warned me so many times that there are no guarantees in life, and there are very few in medicine.

" _Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, Edward. Offer comfort, not promises that you cannot keep."_

I'm a monumental fool, a pathetic fucking idiot. I press my forehead against Jane's hand. I close my eyes, and for the first time in years, I pray.

* * *

"I don't want you to miss out on spending time with Rose's family," my mother tries to argue, but her heart isn't in it, which seals it for me.

"Mom, I need to call the airline to make my reservation, and I'd really hate to hang up on you," I sigh, leaning my stiff back against the wall. The tiny single bed that Rose's mom put me in is killing my back. It will be a relief to go home.

"Thank you, dear," she laughs, but she sounds more tired than amused. "Forward your itinerary to me and someone will pick you up." It's late there, or early, depending on how you look at it. Either way, it sounds like she's had one hell of a night, and Dad's still at the hospital.

"I will. Now, go get some rest," I tell her, knowing full well that she's not going to sleep until Dad gets home.

"I love you," she whispers. I can almost hear the distance in her voice, and it tears up my chest.

"I love you too," I reply, and hang up, before she makes me cry.

"What is it?" Rose walks up to press herself against my side, her long arms wrapping around my chest, and holds me close.

"One of Edward's kids from the shelter...died," I explain. It's so strange to think of someone dying before their life ever really began. "I'm sorry, baby. He needs me."

I turn around, and cradle her face in my hands. I can touch my fingers together, and frame her round face with my hands. I always forget how small she is, my little Tasmanian Devil. Or maybe she looks tiny in comparison to my hands. Right now, she looks like an angel, with her hair all frizzy and soft, piled on top of her head. It looks like a golden halo. She's my own piece of heaven, my entire world, cupped in my hands.

"I'll let Mom know that we have to go," she says, pulling away from my grasp, but I grab her arm.

"You don't have to," I insist, though part of me feels better at that thought of her being with me. I hate funerals. She shakes her head at me, and smiles as she pulls me close to kiss her soft lips.

"Yes, I do," she whispers against my lips.

I want to ask her to marry me right here, right now, but I don't have the ring yet, and I still need to talk to Edward about moving out. She gently pats the side of my face and walks out of the room, I assume to find her mother. I'm left with image of her heart-shaped ass, squeezed into her cotton pajamas.

_I am the luckiest motherfucker in the world._

* * *

I close the door as quietly as my sore muscles allow. There is no point in disturbing Alice if I can help it. It's been a rough night for all us, especially Edward. At least I can trust that Leah will take care of him. I'm not sure she really understands how much love and affection has grown between them.

She'll realize soon enough. Judging from the way that Edward clung to her when they left the hospital, it's only a matter of time. I can't help but smile at the thought. Those two crazy kids deserve some happiness. It's a shame that it had to arrive on the heels of such loss.

"Jasper?" Alice's voices echoes off the walls of our small apartment. A mixture of relief and guilt swirl in my chest. While I wish she was getting rest, there's nothing I want more than to see her face.

"Honey, I'm home," I reply, stumbling forward, and bump my wounded thigh into the edge of the couch. Pain shoots through my leg, and my vision blurs for a second. I grip the coarse fabric in my trembling hand, and wait for the pain to subside. I probably should have let Carlisle take me to the pharmacy to fill my prescription, but I had insisted that I would be fine until morning. I needed to be home.

My vision clears after a few minutes, and I walk down the hallway to Alice's makeshift studio. The light is as bright and harsh as it was at the hospital, but she needs it to see the colors on the canvas clearly. I even covered the window with an old army blanket, because she insisted that any outside stimuli distracts her.

When I first met Alice, I was sure she had a second set of lungs to fuel her nonstop, talkative nature. I could tell it was a burden on Edward and Emmett, but I found it charming as all get out. It would be one thing if she didn't have anything interesting to say, but that was far from the truth. My girl could talk about anything, with anyone, and never get lost. There wasn't a subject that she didn't at least know a smidgin about, and her appetite to learn more was insatiable. She sees so much that her mouth gets tired of trying to express it all. That's why her painting is so important. In a single painting she can explain exactly how she feels.

"What happened?" She rushes toward me, and gingerly wraps her arms around my waist.

Clumps of paint are dried in her hair and smudge her face. She smells like oil, coffee and tears. Her paint-stained fingers glide over the bloodstained bullet hole in my jacket, but she doesn't look at me. Alice doesn't ask questions. She trusts me to tell her what I can, when I'm ready. Her trust is as solid as a rock. I cling to it like a scared boy. I need her so badly that it strangles me at times, but it never seems to be a burden to her. She gives me so much peace, and love, so easily. I wish I could give her even half the peace that she gives to me with just her beautiful smile.

"Found Jane," I reply, pressing my lips to her forehead, and hugging her as tightly as I am able. Pain throbs in my bandaged arm, but I'll gladly take the pain in exchange for the feeling of having her so close.

"Is she..." her voice is a soft, choked whisper.

"Your dad says she'll be fine," I reassure her, combing my fingers through her short hair, and smile at how the paint causes my hand to snag in it.

"Ouch!" Alice squeaks, seizing my wrist, and carefully pulls my fingers free.

"Apologies, didn't think that through," I chuckle, noting my pain isn't as sharp as it had been, but that's most likely due to exhaustion winning out over all the other shit I've put my body through tonight. I gently pull away, and walk toward the empty spot near my guitar stand.

"Where are you going?" Alice looks frightened, as she turns to watch me.

"Nowhere," I grunt, bending down to carefully lower myself to the floor, and grab Maria from her stand beside the wall. "I thought you could use to music to listen to while you paint."

"Oh," she says, the frown dissolves into a bright smile, as I strum the opening cords of a new song I've been toying with.

Alice sings along as she turns to her palette and grabs a brush.

* * *

Edward's standing next to the couch, his shoulders hunched, and head down. It's painful to see him like this and not be able to do something. I take my jacket off and carefully drape it over the back of the couch. The purple-pink light of dawn is spreading across the sky outside the front window.

I step closer, reaching out to brush his hair from his face. It sticks out in a spray of bright copper spikes above his ear. His mouth is turned down in a heartbreaking frown, a trail of tears streaking down his face to drip onto the rough upholstery of the couch.

When I dragged him out of the hospital, after getting Dr. Cullen to promise that he'd drive Jasper home, Edward had just followed behind me in silence. He didn't say a word during the drive to his house. It was like he was empty, just a shell capable of walking and nodding when I asked him questions.

"You should get some sleep," I whisper, tracing a finger over the back of his hand.

"Sleep?" He makes a sound that's half way between a laugh and a groan.

"Yes," I tell him, gently pushing him toward the hallway.

He looks up at me, like he's going to protest, but his face changes to an expression of defeat. _Fuck!_ I was hoping for anger. I can handle anger. I can't deal with guilt and pain.

I gasp as he slides his hands into the pocket of my jeans, pulling me close, and wiggles his fingers into the front pocket of my jeans. Before I can figure out whether I want to slap or kiss him, he pulls away. The small baggy dangles between his finger tips, and I'm suddenly filled with panic. I can't believe that I'd forgotten it was in my pocket; it's even worse that Edward hadn't.

"Wait!" I grab his wrist, stopping him in mid-turn, and try to formulate an argument.

He looks confused and a little irritated as he stares at me.

"I'm going to flush it down the toilet," he snaps, yanking his arm from my grip, and stomps down the hallway.

I listen for any sounds that could be coming from the bathroom. I expect to hear the toilet lid hitting the porcelain tank followed by the flushing of the toilet, but all I hear is silence. Long, deafening silence.

I stare at my jacket and take a deep breath as I imagine myself putting it on. I can see myself walking out the door, and getting into my truck. Instead, however, I just sit and wait.

* * *

I sit down on the closed lid of the toilet, staring at the tiny bag of crystal in my palm. When I came in here seconds ago, I had every intention of disposing of it, like I told Leah I would, but I didn't. I'm making promises I can't keep, once again. I laugh and shake my head, feeling nothing remotely close to humorous.

Twelve steps are easy to follow when you have to go through them. When someone walks beside you every step of the way, holding your hand and telling you every minute of the day that you are stronger than your addiction. Of course I thought I was above it all. Despite my agreement to go through treatment, I never really believed I had a problem, even after going through rehabilitation.

In fact, up until I walked into this bathroom two seconds ago, I believed that drugs were a silly mistake that was behind me. Now, I wasn't sure. I nudge the edge of the bag with my finger tip, and watch the little crystals shift inside the plastic. So small and simple, such an easy way to run away from the mess that I've made of everyone's lives.

Demetri warned me the first time he gave me coke. He told me to always remember, no matter how great the high is, it always goes away. "A hot, sexy fuck of a lie, but it's still a lie. Don't forget that and you'll be fine." At the time, I gave him a knowing nod, and assured him that I would be fine, even though I didn't really understand what he meant.

I sit here, missing how it used to make me feel so confident and in control. It was a sweet, seductive lie. If I'm honest, though, I never needed drugs in order to lie to myself. The sad truth is that I haven't been in control of my life since Tanya walked out on me.

Tanya was an even bigger lie than the drugs. I had been fooling myself from the first time we met. I never really cared who she was or what she wanted. I ignored every conversation we had about her plans for her career, and her dreams of traveling across the world. It was so easy for me to tell myself that she'd change her mind once we were married, once we were a family. All I ever saw, all that I could see, were _my_ plans for the future— _my_ future. My family. That's all I ever wanted.

When Tanya left, my plans blew up in my face, and my dreams crumbled before my eyes. It was the final proof that what I had always feared was true: No matter how hard I tried, I could never be like Carlisle. The mistake of my conception had haunted me throughout my life, tainting everything I did. It was inevitable, inescapable. My life was nothing more than one disastrous mistake after another.

I'm tired of running and trying to pretend that I know what I'm doing. I want to stop worrying. I want to know without a doubt that something in my life is real, solid, and right.

* * *

"Edward," I speak softly, and touch his shoulder.

He jerks, startled, and stares at me with bleary eyes.

"Sorry," he mumbles, shakes his head, and looks down at the baggie that dropped from his hand when I startled him.

I lean my hip against the counter and bite my lip to stay silent while he picks it up. He examines it for a moment, and then closes his fist around it. My stomach turns, and I stare at the floor. I can feel his eyes on me, but I don't have the energy to deal with this right now.

"Leah-" he starts to speak, I can hear the guilt in his voice, and it makes me want to put my fist through the mirror.

"I don't care," I cut him off, raising my eyes to meet his, and forcing myself to deal with the pain written on his face. "You're done with it, right?"

"Yes," he replies, looking a little stunned.

"That's all that matters," I say with a shrug.

He stares at me for a few more minutes, and I can't deal with it. My hand rises involuntarily, as if it's got its own plan, and I brush my knuckles along his cheek. Edward closes his eyes, looking shaken and unsteady. I pull my hand away, worried that he might pass out, but he just smiles and opens his eyes.

Without a word, he stands and opens the lid of the toilet. He empties the baggie into the bowl, and then drops it into the water. The flush is loud, echoing off the tiled walls of his huge bathroom, while he washes his hands in the sink. I turn my back on the strangeness of what just happened, and walk out the door, heading into his bedroom. With a sigh, and a gentle kick, I open his door, pulling off my shirt as I enter the room. I send my boots flying, and I'm about to peel off my jeans, when I feel his skin press against my back.

"Thank you," he whispers in my ear, and wraps his arms around my waist.

I'm tired, irritable, and a little heartbroken, but the feel of him surrounding me forces everything else into the periphery. Edward murmurs against my ear, and I turn my head to the side to press my cheek against his forehead. He quickly grabs the bottom of my jaw, and pulls my face back so he can reward me with a deep kiss. I moan despite myself, the feel of his tongue dancing inside my mouth electrifies me.

Edward has taken me from bone weary to boneless and horny with just a single kiss. The low growl coming from the back of his throat is adding to the magic that his mouth is working on me. He is not human.

He breaks the kiss, turns me in his arms, and slides both of his hands along the sides of my face. I have to swallow past a tightness in my throat, before looking up to meet his gaze. His eyes are so bright, like they're reflecting the sunlight that's streaming through the window. It makes my eyes sting, and my chest hurt. I'm tired of hurting.

"You're overdressed," I choke out, sounding nervous and awkward.

Edward doesn't answer at first. He just smiles, and rubs his thumb along my bottom lip. It's such a small gesture, but it makes me tremble. It feels like my mouth is suddenly hardwired to my clit. Before I can think of something to say or do, his hands leave my face, and skim down my chest.

"I could say the same thing about you," he chuckles softly, and rubs the back of his hands over my lace-covered breasts, catching both my nipple between his fingers.

"Fuck," I groan, my eyes rolling into the back of my head, as Edward wraps his arms around my waist.

I'm off my feet in seconds, and on my back, bouncing on the bed. Edward's hands are working on my jeans, swiftly unzipping and tugging them off my legs. I quickly unhook my bra, and toss it to the floor, while he stands at the edge of the bed, watching.

"Edward," I say his name, because I'm all out of clever things to say. I don't want to think, I just want to fuck and forget about everything else.

He is still watching me, tilting his head to the side, making his hair drop into his eyes. I can see the muscles in his arms flex, like he's fighting to stay still, and I don't understand why. His face is fixed in a look of concentration, and I start to wonder if he's fallen asleep on his feet.

I lift my leg up to nudge him with my foot, but he catches my ankle. The movement seems to bring him back to life. He's suddenly pushing my legs forward, while spreading them apart, and lowering his face between them.

I close my eyes, grip the sheets in my fists, and allow my body to take in the feeling of him.

* * *

I hold her tightly, my hands wrapped around her hips, pressing her into the mattress, and take a deep breath. She smells like desire, heat, and me. It's faint, but I recognize it. With that recognition, my mouth begins to water.

Leah shifts and moans, trying to get me to close the distance, to taste her. I smile, tightening my hold on her, feeling drunk. Holding her is like trapping lightning with my bare hands. She swears in a hoarse whisper, and I finally press my lips against her hot skin.

I slide my tongue along her trembling thigh, enjoying the growl of frustration it draws out of her. As I press a kiss to the soft skin, she tilts her hips, and I slide my tongue over a few inches to graze her clit. Leah arches off the bed, and gasps for air.

The sight of her open, and squirming beneath me, dissolves the last bit of my control. I force her legs further apart, and tilt my head at an angle. When I lower my mouth onto her wet pussy, my tongue slides effortlessly inside of her without meeting any resistance.

Leah screams, and beats the bed with fists. I keep her legs pinned down and move my head in a steady rhythm to slowly fuck her with my tongue. I pause after every other thrust to graze her clit with my upper lip. I can't maintain this frantic pace forever, but from the way that Leah is gasping for breath, I don't think I'm going to need to.

"Harder," she growls, leaning up to tangle her fingers in my hair, and starts to move my head.

I shudder at the feeling of her nails digging into my scalp, and fight her grip so I can suck at her clit. She screams, releasing my hair, and starts thrust her hips against my face. The sight of her completely out of control is more than I can take.

I step back, ripping off Seth's t-shirt, and practically tear off the jeans. Leah looks flushed and breathless as I crawl over her. Her long legs wrap around my hips, and I lean down to taste her lips. She moans into my mouth, and tugs on the back of my neck. I can feel my dick brush over her wetness, and I close my eyes to savor the overwhelming pleasure it sends through me.

When I finally open my eyes to look down at her, she looks both concerned and nervous. It strikes me as strange—Leah Clearwater is never nervous. She's fearless, terrifying, and mine. That last thought sends another wave of searing pleasure through me, and I have to be inside her, now.

I shift away, but she stops me, her nails digging into my shoulders.

"I've got to get a condom," I groan, trying to pull her hand away.

"I'm on the pill," she says it quickly, like it's a confession.

A heaviness fills my chest as I realize what she's really saying. Something rises inside me, stinging my eyes, and tightening my throat. I swallow hard, brushing my hand along the side of her face, so I can see her eyes. I try to speak, but I can't summon the words.

Leah smiles up at me, sliding her hand down my stomach to take me in a firm grip, and gently tugs me toward her waiting body. She sighs as I lower myself back down to cover her body and I press against her once again. I kiss her, trying to show her what this means to me, as I seek to understand it myself. She kisses me back and wraps her arms around my neck.

My head enters her and Leah's mouth opens in a silent gasp. I kiss her chin, and continue to watch her as I slide the rest of the way inside her, and marvel at how different it feels. She feels even hotter and wetter than just a few minutes ago. Maybe it feels different because there's nothing between us anymore. I lean up on my elbows, placing my hands on the sides of her face, and press into her a little more. I can feel every inch of her, and I don't want to stop. I want to memorize how she feels at his moment, and how she looks. I can feel her heartbeat surrounding me, as her lips tremble, and she closes her eyes. A tremor passes through her body and into mine. I say her name, and lean up to press my lips against her temple.

"More," she whispers, shifting her hips, and I sink a little deeper.

"Yes," I reply in a low hiss, and start to move my hips.

I try to set a slow pace, but even the smallest movement sets off a tidal wave of sensations, each one more intense than before. She's whispering, and moving against me, calling to me with every part of her body. This dance is sweeping me off my feet, carrying me away with all these small surrenders. Leah's mumbled pleas, the way her hands lay open, palms to the sky. How she bites her lip each time my hips press into her pelvis, and the way her body clings to me like it's part of me.

She feels like heaven, no, like... _home_. That thought tumbles over me, throwing off my equilibrium, and I'm suddenly falling over the edge.

* * *

Edward collapses onto the bed beside me with a grunt. I blink away sweat from my eyes as I try to catch my breath. This is exactly what I needed. To clear my head, work out all the stress and grief.

"I suppose I don't have to ask if that was good for you," I laugh, wiping the sweat off my face with the back of my forearm, and try to roll away.

Edward clings to me, his fingernails digging into my hip. I turn to look at him, and realize that something is wrong. He's face down in the pillow, and his shoulders are shaking. Is he crying?

"Edward!" I quickly shift myself, grabbing his arm, and try to roll him over. "What's wrong?"

He flops onto his back. His face is wet and flushed. I press my palms to his cheeks, and try to get his attention. He looks at me and smiles as his long fingers wrap around my wrists.

"Nothing...everything," he laughs, but it sounds like a sob.

The sound of his pain and confusion sends a searing pain through my chest. I lean down to kiss him, hoping that it will help, since the sex didn't. He pulls me down into a kiss, and wraps me into his arms.

"I'm sorry," I whisper against his mouth, fighting back my tears.

It was stupid and selfish to do this so soon. I know that Edward is in a fucked up place right now. Sex may be my way of dealing, but that doesn't mean it's the same for him.

"Don't be," he speaks in a shaky voice that tears at me even more. "I'm not."

He looks so earnest as he says it, tears sliding from the corners of his eyes. He pulls me back to him, kissing me again. His arms feel like warm, trembling steel around my shoulders, holding me against his chest, his mouth moving slowly against mine. I try to relax; I can't help but worry that I've done something wrong.

"Are you sure?" I pull back, searching his eyes to be sure he's not lying.

His smile brightens, and he rolls me onto my back, shifting back between my legs I gasp, as his hard dick rubs up against my clit. Fuck, he recovers so quickly. Not that I'm complaining…

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," Edward says with a confident laugh, and slowly pushes back into me.


	23. Sins of the Father

The church is huge, hollow, and cold. A shiver travels up my spine as I walk across the marble floor, the clicking of my heels echoing around me. I feel small, and utterly alone. I turn back to stare at the huge wooden doors of the church, and contemplate leaving for the millionth time.

"Leah!" Emmett calls out, and suddenly looms in front of me like a hulking wall in a black silk suit.

Before I can speak, he sweeps me off my feet in a bone-crushing hug, and spins me around at a dizzying speed. I close my eyes, and brace myself. It's all you can do when you're in Emmett's arms.

"Em, put her down before she pukes," Rose saves me with her whispered plea, and the merry-go-round stops. Thankfully.

"Sorry," he apologizes, giving me one last squeeze before setting me back on my feet. I cling to his beefy arm, and notice for the first time just how physically different he is from Edward. Emmett is taller than me, even in my heels. His broad shoulders look a mile wide, and his skin is sun-kissed.

"You're fine," I reassure him, and punch him in the stomach.

"Umf," he makes a big show of taking the hit, and stumbles backward like a fucking clown.

Fuck, I've missed him. I forgot how everything is so much easier when he's around to make me smile, and laugh. Emmett is a fucking gift.

"How are you doing?" Rose slides her hand around my wrist, catching my attention before Emmett pulls me into wrestling.

I turn to look at her, and see lines of worry at the corners of her beautiful blue eyes; they make me feel guilty as hell. I remember what she said to me at the stadium. She has no clue how much her words hurt me. How could she? Rose has never really understood how unnaturally beautiful she is. Just like Edward.

"I'm coping," I sigh, gently pulling away. I covertly scan the pews for a head full of messy bronze hair.

"Edward's in the front row," Rose speaks in a deadpan tone that makes me grit my teeth. It confirms my suspicions about that day in the stadium. She knows, and she doesn't approve. I look at her frown, and try to appear just as pissy. She's got no place to fucking judge me.

"Good to know," I reply, and walk down the aisle, wishing I didn't feel like I'm going to be grounded.

"Come and sit with us," Emmett says, grabbing me from behind, and pulling me into his side.

I try to keep up as he drags both of us toward the front of the pews. Edward's gorgeous, spiky hair comes into view just as Emmett pushes me to sit down. I can feel my heart thumping through my ribcage as I scoot over to make room for them.

* * *

Edward looks so small and pale as he grips the podium with so much force that his knuckles are turning white. The look on his face scares the ever-living shit out of me. The instinct to shield my little brother from pain is so strong that I can feel the muscles in my back cramp as I restrain myself, trying to stay seated. I want to rush up to stand with him. I also know that he would be mortified if I charged the podium, slung him over my shoulder in a fireman's carry, and then stormed out of the church.

Despite all the things I want to do to help Edward, Rose's hand on my leg keeps me seated. She's so good, keeping me in check, just like I asked her to do.

Before we left the house, I warned her that I couldn't handle seeing Edward like this, not after what happened with Tanya. Rose rolled her eyes at my request, and then gave me the sweetest, hottest, mind-blowing kiss of my life, and agreed to keep me on a short leash. I am blessed.

"Alec Winters was a good man," Edward's voice caught in his throat, making a strange croaking sound.

He coughs, then takes a deep breath. I flex my fingers, wishing there was something, anything I could do to make this easier for him.

"He brought joy wherever he went," he sighs, combing his fingers through his hair, and stares at the floor.

It's fucking painful to watch him struggle, so I shift my eyes, like a coward, and look at the framed picture that sits atop the casket. A thin, smiling boy looks back at me. His pale face, pink cheeks and bright green eyes remind me of Edward. The corner of my eye twitches, and I turn my head, pressing my face into Rose's hair.

"My words can't do justice to explain who Alec was. All I know is that he made my life better. He made me a better person just by being in my life," Edward speaks in a hushed tone, his eyes fixed on some point at the back of the church.

"My mother once told me that angels walk amongst us, constantly touching our lives with love, bringing us enlightenment. I consider that when I think of how Alec has touched every person he ever met. We are all changed for having known him," his face crumples, and his shoulders pull inward. I straighten myself up, but it's Leah who leaps up from the pew and moves towards the podium. Alice joins her, and they both stand on either side of Edward, each taking an arm. They guide him back to sit beside Mom, and then return to their seats.

As Leah takes her seat beside me, I wrap an arm around her shoulder.

"Thanks," I whisper, squeezing her shoulder, and kissing her temple.

"No big," she shrugs it off, and stares straight ahead. My little solider.

I smile and pat her shoulder. Jasper sets up some equipment on the platform, holding a small instrument in his hand. It looks like a fat, miniature guitar.

"What is that thing?" I ask Rose in a hushed tone.

"A mandolin," she whispers back. I have no clue what the fuck a mandolin is, but I nod as if I do. I lean back, waiting to see what Jasper's going to do with his little potbellied guitar.

"I didn't know Alec for very long, but I can assure you, that I will never be the same now that he's gone," Jasper says in a thick voice. Without another word, he starts to strum the strings.

Jasper sings like a whiskey-soaked angel. Most men would look like a jackass playing a tiny mandolin, but he owns it. He sings with conviction, his eyes closed and his face a shifting mask of emotions. Grief, rapture, and hope. That last bit makes my chest ache, and my arms tighten around both my girls. Rose's hand grips my thigh, and she gives me a sympathetic smile, but Leah stiffens. I know that she didn't really want to come. She hates funerals, and she has a good reason to, but we're family. Edward needs us right now, more than ever.

* * *

It's cold, and damp, but at least it isn't raining. We had to drive from St. James Cathedral over to the Cullen Family plot at the Lake View Cemetery. I always forget how rich Edward's family is until moments like these, when I'm stepping out of a stretch limo that Emmett and Rose forced me into after the church service. The entire family could fit in one of these things, but this one was just for Rose and Emmett. The ride over here was awkward, and silent. Even Emmett can't muster his usual levity, not after that service. After seeing Edward break down, and listening to some musty old Catholic priest talk about how our salvation lies in the good that we do for others. Hell must be freezing over if a fucking priest starts to make sense to me.

"Kids, could you help me with the flowers?" Esme appears beside me like she materialized from thin air, and all I can do is nod like an idiot.

"Sure, Mom," Emmett answers, grabbing my hand, and wrapping his other arm around Rose, pulling us along behind his mother. We arrive at an intimidating hedge with a wrought iron gate made to look like thin, twisted trees topped with an arch that displays the Cullen name. There are metal holly leaves dangling from the C and E. As we walk through the gates, I realize that the hedges are holly bushes, and that the interior of the family plot is huge. Row after row of headstones, statues, and obelisks cover the area that's bigger than my apartment.

"There are just so many, that I'm afraid there won't be enough room for anyone to stand," Esme says, leading us to a far corner that has a tent set over it. It looks like someone barfed up half the flowers in the city all over it.

"How about we move them up against the hedge, so people can stand in front of them," Rose replies, stepping up to help Esme move a huge horse-shoe shaped wreath that is almost as big as both of them.

"We better get these before they hurt themselves," Emmett chuckles, and jogs over to catch his mother, right before she trips over a headstone.

* * *

Leah looks beautiful in her black dress, her long, toned legs simmering in the diffused sunlight that filters through the clouds. The wind is tossing her hair in every direction as she and Emmett wrestle with a huge urn of white roses and lilies. She isn't wearing make-up, but she doesn't need to. Her skin glows, and her eyes sparkle as she laughs at something Emmett saying.

A cold tendril of jealousy curls inside my stomach at the sight of them together. It's a silly, irrational reaction, especially since I spent most of the afternoon yesterday at the jeweler's, making sure that the engagement ring that Emmett picked out for Rose was properly sized. He has never been good with things like that, and I needed a distraction to keep me from thinking about Alec and from missing Leah.

It has only been two days since she left my house, but it feels like an eternity. I've barely slept, spending most of the night lying awake, staring at the ceiling. Occasionally, I will text her, and she'll reply, usually with a terse command to go to sleep, followed by a comment about my dick.

"Emmett!" Leah's scream carries across the cemetery.

I jerk forward, scanning the area to find her, and see her dangling from Emmett's hand, inches from the ground. He's laughing as he pulls her into his arms, and she slaps his chest. Her beautiful lips twist into a scowl as she swears at him and pushes herself free. I can see the corners of her eyes crinkle, as she tries to stifle her smile, and dusts a bit a grass from her calf. I miss the feel of her skin as I watch her move.

"They've arrived," Carlisle whispers, his hand on my shoulder.

I nod, catching sight of the hearse as it pulls up to the curb. I walk toward the tent, and take our place near Father Roberts, while Carlisle and Emmett join the other pallbearers next to the hearse. Carlisle wouldn't let me be a pallbearer. He was too concerned that I would collapse again, so I'm left waiting beside Alec's grave. I'm trying not think too hard about that fact they are putting Alec in the spot next to my birth mother.

Esme was just as adamant about Alec being laid to rest in the Cullen Family plot as she was when she explained to me why my mother was laid to rest here.

" _Elizabeth gave us one of the greatest gifts anyone can receive. If that doesn't make her family I don't know what else could,"_ she stated it with the same level of conviction that she used to speak of god and forgiveness. I couldn't find a reason to contradict her, but it didn't stop me from feeling uncomfortable. The name _Winters_ is chiseled in elegant script on the pale marble of his headstone. It matches Elizabeth's, which seems fitting since they are the only ones in the entire family plot that do not say Cullen.

"Breathe, dear," Esme says as she places a kiss on my cheek, and pulls me toward the black folding chairs arranged beside the grave.

As we turn our backs to the chairs, I scan the many faces of friends and family that have come to show their support. Aunts, uncles, cousins, business associates. All of them summoned by Esme, attending the funeral of a runaway that they never even met. As I look at their pale, drawn faces, it seems as though they are somehow suffering from the same oppressive weight of grief that's presently suffocating me. There are so many of them that I've lost count. They gather outside of the tent, standing close together, like all families do in situations like these.

I catch sight of Leah standing beside Rose. They are holding hands as they watch the slow procession of the casket. Jasper and Carlisle's faces are passive as they carry the head of the coffin. Demetri and Carl make a strange pair holding up the middle position. Emmett and Felix walk with their heads down as they carry the tail end of the coffin. Their broad shoulders and height make it easy for them to see over the heads of the others. I never realized how much they look alike.

Esme slips her hand into mine as they set the casket down in front of me. It looks smaller than I thought it would. Something about it reminds me of how young and frail Alec was when he died. The thought tugs at my chest, and I have to take a breath before I start to cry.

"Thank you all for joining the Cullen Family as they grieve today. At times like these, it is best to hold fast to that which anchors our souls to the divine. The love of our families, and our faith in God's wisdom are the lanterns that light our way, even in the darkest hours," Father Roberts continues to preach as a funeral attendant presses a button, and the casket slowly lowers into the ground.

I watch Alec slowly disappear from my life. It feels like a thousand tiny hooks are tearing at my heart and pulling me down along with his coffin.

* * *

"Thank you for coming," Edward says. His voice sounds raw and gravely. His eyes are dull and rimmed in red.

"How much sleep have you been getting?" I push his hair away from his face, letting the sunlight hit him full in the face, and see that the shadows under his eyes aren't going away.

"Not as much as I would if you were with me," he replies, grabbing my wrist, and pulls my hand to press his lips against my fingers.

"Stop trying to distract me, and answer the question," I scold him halfheartedly, and pull my hand away, glancing around to make sure that no one saw.

Most everyone is milling around the cars, waiting for Esme to finish making her rounds; afterward, we'll lead a procession back to the house for the wake. They're all too caught up in their grief and confusion to notice us, thankfully.

"I don't know why you're asking when you already know the answer. You get my late night texts," Edward laughs, making his whole face brighten for an instant before it fades, and I feel someone standing behind me.

"Leah, do you mind if I speak with Edward for a minute?" Dr. Cullen's voice makes me nearly jump out of my skin, but I do a good job of covering up my surprise as I turn around to smile at him.

"No, not at all," I say, walking away, but Edward catches my wrist.

"I need to talk to you before you leave." He says it with that same fucking smile on his face, as if his father isn't standing right next to him. So far no one is suspecting anything, but that's not going to last long with the way Edward keeps touching me like this, not to mention that fucking smile.

"I'm not going anywhere yet," I reply, pulling free of his grasp, and give Dr. Cullen a polite nod. I manage to get a few steps away before I glance back at Edward, and see him watching me with that same dreamy dazed look in his eyes. _Fuck me._

He's too beautiful and heartbreaking right now. I force myself to look away, and take a deep breath. It's been two days since we've been alone together, but it doesn't matter-I can still feel him pressed against my skin, smell and taste him on my lips.

" _Don't go," Edward whispered against my ear, and pulled me back to his body._

_I could feel his hard cock, twitching against my back. His hands gripped my hips, as his teeth bit into my shoulder._

" _Edward," I moaned in a low pleading tone, as he pushed me down onto my stomach._

_I needed to leave, needed to get going, but Edward refused to let me go._

" _Say my name again, just like that," he growled along my neck, his tongue tracing a line along my shoulder and down my back._

_I wanted to laugh at his sultry, commanding tone, but there was a distinct disconnect between my body and my brain at the moment. He made me writhe and shudder beneath his body, while I continued to moan his name into the mattress. His shifted my legs apart, and pressed his hot, wet mouth against the base of my spine. I could hear him whispering against my skin, and just when I thought I knew what he was saying he sank his teeth into my ass check, biting down viciously. Pain, like electric shock shot right to my clit, and exploded into waves of pleasure. I gasped for air like a suffocating fish, my hands flailing uselessly against the bed beside my head._

" _Don't leave," his voice was raw, making my head and body throb with need._

_I took a deep breath, letting it clear my head enough to get my bearings, and to remember how this whole argument started. I needed to go home because I have to work in the morning, and then I have pick up Emmett and Rose from the airport. Life was marching on despite everything that had happened, but Edward wanted to stay here in his bed forever, and that couldn't happen, no matter how badly I wanted it to._

_I exhaled against the sheet, and shifted so I could see him, kneeling behind me; his hands on my hips, and a look on his face that made me want to lie to him._

" _We can't hide forever," I whispered, pushing myself up to kneel beside him._

" _I know," he relented, wrapping his arms around my waist, and pulling me back against his chest. "You can't blame me for trying."_

_I finally gathered up enough mental strength to laugh at that, and nodded._

Something touches my hand, jolting me out of my daze. I jerk back, and look right into Demetri's smirking face.

"Well fancy meeting you here," he says, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

* * *

"I don't know why he's here," Jane groans, and attempts to hide behind Alice, which makes for a comical image. They are about the same height and build. It almost looks like Alice has sprouted a second head.

"He seems kind of sweet," Alice comments, stifling a giggle and makes a show of looking across the short distance to where Emmett is talking with Felix.

Emmett's waving his arms in an exaggerated manner and jogging backward a few paces before he mimes catching a football. Felix laughs, nodding furiously, and they resume their animated conversation while Rose glares at us with a pleading look. Her eyes are begging us to intervene, but right now, Jane's distress is our highest priority. I shrug and give her an apologetic smile. Rose raises a single, manicured nail in my direction, and stomps over to slap Emmett's arm.

"Jasper, please don't make me deal with this crap right now," Jane begs in a strained tone, and I turn to look at her pale cheeks.

All the humor of the previous moment disappears as I look at her obvious embarrassment, but there's something else beneath it. The look in her bright blue eyes takes me back to the dark place where I found her a few nights ago. Those horrors are still fresh in her flushed cheeks and the way her little hand is shaking.

"Janey..." I speak softly, slowly lifting my hand to touch her arm.

"No!" She slaps my hand away, backing up a few paces, her eyes wide and blind with fear.

"Hey," Alice steps in front of me, taking hold of Jane and shaking her gently.

Jane blinks and shakes her head, and the shadows suddenly disappear, only to be replaced by tears. I wish that she didn't have to be here, but she insisted. She wanted to be here for Alec, but it's way too soon for her to be out of the center, even on a day-pass.

"Let's go to the car," I say, touching Alice's back, while I give Jane a reassuring smile.

We walk over to the limousine that Esme graciously arranged for us, and start to get in when I hear a familiar voice swear behind me. I glance over to see Leah talking with Demetri. His arm is around her shoulders and he's leaning in close to her. Rage surges through me at the sight of her flushed face and his smug smile.

"Hey," Alice says, tugging on the end of my tie to get my attention. "What is it?"

"I should do something," I reply, gesturing toward the scene.

"Go, before she ends up killing him," Alice groan, pushing me in Leah's direction, and slapping my ass.

"Yes, ma'am," I chuckle, and walk away.

It only takes a few steps to get over to them. Demetri's whispering something in Leah's ear. She looks tired, and angry, her dark eyes are shining with unshed tears.

"Get away from her," I growl, grabbing his shoulder, and pushing him off her.

"Watch the suit," the skinny little parasite complains, but I ignore him. I put my arm around Leah's shoulders, turning her away from him. I immediately glance back over my shoulder to glare at him.

"Are you okay?" I look down at her face, but she just looks away.

"Sure...yeah," Leah answers with a frantic edge in her voice, and it's tearing me up inside. It almost sounds like she's scared. Did he threaten her? The thought that this snake could have caused her distress fills me with rage.

"Remember what I said, Leah." This threat is the last straw.

"Leave," I practically snarl as I turn around to face him, and push Leah behind me. I fight to contain the intense desire to bury my fist in his face.

"You might want to watch your tone. Especially, after the mess I had to clean up on Beacon Hill this weekend," he says, making a show of dusting off the arms of his jacket.

"Leah could you give us a minute?" I try to control my tone so that she doesn't suspect something is wrong, but it doesn't work.

"No. Jasper I can handle this-" she starts to argue, but I cut her off.

"Leah!" I turn to grab her shoulders, and stare into her eyes. "Please."

She stares at me for a long minute, then finally, thankfully, she sighs and walks away.

"It was a delight, as always," Demetri calls to her as she leaves, and then turns his gaze back to me. "You keep crossing the line with me like that and I'll get you cell in San Quinton, right next to your old man."

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but I assure you that if you harm her in any way, I will kill you." I speak in a low threatening tone, slowly walking closer to him, until my chest bumps into his.

"Now, why on earth would I harm Ms. Clearwater?" He smiles, feigning innocence and boredom as he carefully steps backward.

"Why, indeed." A smooth, all-too-familiar voice draws my attention away from Demetri and into the gaze of Aro Gallo. "Ms. Clearwater is a friend of the Cullens, and a rather special young woman in her own right."

"What are you doing here?" I step back as he sidles up to me, taking careful steps with the assistance of his ivory cane.

"Why else? To pay my respects to the Cullens and to make assurances of their continued happiness," he replies with a smile that sends chills through me, and taps his bottom lip with a long thin finger. "Oh, I also wanted to pass on a message. Your mother misses you desperately, and wishes you would at least write."

"Is that threat?" I fight the fear that's crawling up my spine, and meet his gaze.

"Not at all. As I've told you before, my only interest is in protecting the Cullens," he replies with a lighthearted smile, walking toward me in a slow amble.

"And I'm obviously a hindrance to that plan," I say, nodding my head toward the smiling serpent behind him.

"Demetri may have his own opinions, but no harm will come to you as long as you continue to make Alice happy," Aro reassures me with a gentle pat on the shoulder. "She could do a lot worse than marrying a Whitlock, even if he is a bastard and murderer."

I don't reply, but stare in his eyes for a long, silent moment before I turn my back on him and his snake. I've fought enough losing battles to know when to cut my losses. It's time to cut and run. Aro's threats are just that—threats. He has no interest in hurting _me_ , but I'm not sure about his intentions for Leah.

* * *

"I should have listened to you! If I had, maybe this wouldn't have happened," Edward apologizes, eyes downcast and mournful.

"Edward!" I grasp his shoulders, and give him a gentle shake. "Do not believe for a second that this was your fault. Do you remember the first thing I told you about being a doctor?"

"Failure is inevitable," he speaks softly, as he raises his tear-filled eyes to meet mine.

"No," I sigh, trying to keep the tone of frustration from my voice. "Sometimes, no matter how good you are, or how hard you try, people die. It's inevitable, inescapable that death comes to us all."

"But...I could have...I should have-" he begins to argue again, and I cut him off.

"Edward, please," my voice cracks, straining under the weight of his grief, and my need to make him understand that this is not his burden to carry. "No one could have stopped this from happening, I swear to you."

Edward's face crumples, and I pull him into my chest as the sobs overtake him. I hold him close, cursing my own stupidity. I thought that I could solve everything with a firm hand, that Edward would turn his back on Volt without question. It was never going to be easy for Edward, no matter what he did, but he's been fighting an uphill battle from the day he was born.

"I think you should take a break. A vacation," I whisper, combing my fingers through his unruly hair, and hope that he's listening to me.

"But the shelter...there's so much-" he begins to protest, but I cut him off again.

"I've put in for a leave of absence at the hospital, and will look after the shelter for a bit while you take some time," I counter, and tighten my hold on his shoulders. "Think about it."

"Pardon the intrusion," Aro's melodic voice startles me, and causing Edward to stiffen.

"No, it's okay," Edward replies, pulling free of my arms, and turns to greet Aro with a polite smile. "I'm sorry, I meant to thank you earlier for taking time to be here."

"Nonsense, son," Aro sighs, patting Edward's shoulder. "I should be the one apologizing. I wish I could have done more to help poor Alec."

Edward's hand begins to tremble, and I can tell he's ready to crack again.

"Edward, I think you wanted to say something Leah before she left," I interject, and watch in relief as Edward's entire demeanor shifts in a matter of seconds.

"Yes," he says, giving me a brilliant smile, and turns to Aro. "Please excuse me, I have to go."

"Of course, never keep a lady waiting," Aro chuckles good naturedly, as Edward rushes off.

"How dare you come here," I whisper, glancing over my shoulder to ensure that Edward is out of earshot.

"Your wife invited me. I thought it was rather gracious of Esme, considering the circumstances of our last meeting," Aro replies. He turns to look out over the gravestones, and a chill passes through me at the sight of him.

He looks so thin and frail. His once long black hair has transformed to a dignified silver mane that just touches the collar of his shirt. It seems like yesterday that we were laughing about growing old. When we believed that we would grow old together. So much has changed since then, it feels like a different life. In many ways it is—a life that I've turned my back on, although Aro first turned his back on me.

"Don't you think you've done enough?" I insist, ignoring the slow, almost pained movements he makes to return his gaze to meet mine.

"You can never do enough for family," he smiles, as he throws my own words back in my face.

I wish I knew how he could do that. Cut people down with just the right turn of phrase, and yet still smile like he's serving cake at a Sunday brunch. He used to tell me that it hurt him to be so cold, that at night he could remember every cruel thing he'd ever said, every person he'd wronged. I always imagined that Aro's mind was his own hell, and endless loop of sins for which he would never be forgiven.

"He's not your family, not anymore," I say, stepping forward, and suddenly feel like a fool.

I've always towered over Aro, even when we were young, but now the difference is almost comical. His frame has shrunken as a result of sickness and age. He peers up at me with a single raised eyebrow, challenging me with the smallest gesture, and effectively knocking me on my rear end. Like David with a stone, he hits me between the eyes.

"He will always be my family," Aro sighs, shifting his weight and tilts his head toward me. "No matter how much time passes, or whatever lies you tell him, nothing will change that."

"You love that don't you? Having your hooks in him," my voice chokes, and I stop to collect myself. "Be careful, Aro. Edward is a lot smarter than I was, and he will see through _your_ lies soon enough."

I close my eyes, and all I can see is his earnest, encouraging smile the first night we met, at the Kendrick's Christmas party. How he charmed me in a matter of minutes, plying me with alcohol, compliments, but most of all with attention. After a lifetime spent being ignored by my father, it felt like a revelation.

_I had been babbling like an idiot for close to an hour while he had listened with an indulgent smile._

" _I don't think it's a lot to expect affordable healthcare for everyone, no matter their income," I finally stopped to take a sip of my wine, and felt myself blush as I realized I had been the only one talking for quite a while._

" _So you expect for the wealthy to carry the weight of healthcare costs, not to mention the increasing costs of medical research?" He spoke in a light, curious tone, and pressed the thin edge of the martini glass against his plump bottom lips. I remember thinking that I'd never seen a man with such full, soft-looking lips before. At the time, I dismissed it as strange random thought brought on my nervousness._

" _Well, corporations, and even the government, can subsidize research," I replied with a shrug, and began to realize that I might be getting in over my head._

" _Ah, but without a consumer-driven revenue stream brought in by pharmaceutical products and specialized treatments, it would be impossible for companies to be able to afford to support the cost of research." He sighed, drank the rest of his martini, and set the glass down on a nearby table. "We still function in a Capitalist society, my dear boy, and without the consumer's dollars, the entire medical industry would collapse. Socialized medicine is a beautiful dream, but it is also a deeply flawed one."_

_I stared at him, dumbfounded. He had completely thrown me, and I didn't know how to react. Heat coursed through me as I took in his sympathetic, almost condescending smile. Aro Gallo was only five years older than I was, and yet I felt like a child at the feet of a master. I swallowed despite my dry throat, and fought to say something._

" _Excuse me," I choked out, setting down my glass and turned to walk away._

_It was unforgivably rude, but I had no other recourse. The intense need to escape made my hands shake as I walked through the winding hallways, searching for a place to collect myself. I ducked into an open door, and found myself in a shadowy library. As I sat down on the small leather couch in front of an empty fireplace, I wondered what it was about Aro that had thrown me off so much._

_He was shorter than me, by a good six inches, but despite his smaller stature, he exuded an air of wisdom and strength. My best friend, Esme, who had introduced me to Aro, warned me that he could be a bit overwhelming in person. "He's kind of like drinking port for the first time. A lot to handle as you take him in, but he leaves you buzzing and ready to write world-changing poetry." Esme was a nursing student that volunteered at the shelter with me on the weekends, but she had the heart of a poet. She was also an excellent judge of people, so I trusted her when she promised me that I'd love Aro. As my mind spun and hands trembled, I wondered how true Esme's words really were. I needed to calm myself and find a way to leave, once I apologized for being so rude._

" _Here you are," Aro's voice startled me as he walked around the side of the couch._

" _I'm sorry," I blurted out, attempting to stand, but stopped when his hand pressed down on my thigh._

" _Don't, please," he sighed, leaning his weight on my leg as he sat down beside me._

_His leg brushed against mine as he shifted to look into my eyes._

" _I should get going," I mumbled, but didn't move._

_Aro smiled at me, and I felt feverish, which only made me more uncomfortable._

" _You should relax," he whispered, brushing his finger tips over my cheek, and leaned in to kiss me._

"Carlisle," he sighs, his hand slides over my cheek, and I realize as his soft, cold skin touches me, that I'm crying. "How I wish that I could take it all back, and heal this thing between us, but this isn't about us. This is about Edward, and what's best for him."

He's using that sensible voice. The one he likes to use on young idealistic men that believe they can change the world with hope and love.

"You think that knowing about Caius is what's best for Edward?" I open my eyes and take in the form of this withered older man—the only thing that remains of my former lover.

"I think that he will always wonder until he knows the truth," he says, pulling his hand back. "I don't need your permission, but I know that it will make it easier for Edward if he has your blessing. Please, Carlisle, he's all I have of Caius."

It was always about Caius, and that's what I've always resented. Not that Aro chose his brother, and family, over us, but what his actions did to me. I have always believed that I was a good and loving man, generous even. When Aro left me, I saw myself for the first time. My anger and jealousy twisted inside me, making me hate everything that reminded me of him. I was hollow and weak without him.

"Here's where you got off to," Esme's voice breaks into the moment allowing me a moment to collect myself.

"Esme, you are lovely as ever," Aro speaks with his trademark charm.

I turn to see my wife and former lover embrace. Esme's smile is earnest as she gently hugs Aro's fragile shoulders. Her eyes rise to meet mine, and I feel the weight lift from my chest. Before I met Aro, I never expected to fall in a love with a man. When he left me, I never expected to fall in love again. Leave it to Esme to prove me wrong, just as she does every day.

Being my best friend, she stuck by me when I was suddenly alone, and helped me get back on my feet. She showed me that I possessed strength I never knew I had, and when I'd finally moved past my heartbreak, she taught me to love again.

"I hope that you haven't come to pick a fight," she teases Aro, easing out of his grasp to take her place at my side.

"Not at all, Mrs. Cullen," Aro replies with an earnest smile, and turns his tired eyes toward me. "Please think about what I've said. I would like to spend whatever time I have left with my nephew."

I hesitate before answering, feeling Esme's arm squeeze my waist. My chest aches dully, and I take a deep breath.

"Edward knows that Caius is his father. What he chooses to do with that knowledge is his choice, not mine," I reply, taking Esme's hand in mine, and turn my back on him to embrace my wife.

"Thank you, Carlisle," Aro whispers with the barest hint of strain in the usually smooth tone of his voice.

I don't hear him leave, but I know when he's gone from the way the tension drains from Esme's body as I hold her.

"You did a good thing," she whispers against my cheek, and press her lips against mine.

I hope to god that she's right.

* * *

_Dear Carlisle,_

_I wish that I could have done this face to face, but there was no time. Caius is being booked as I write this letter. Some girl has accused him of raping her, and to make matters worse, he was in possession of a sizable amount of cocaine when the police arrested him. Please, do no judge him before we've gotten all the details. I know my brother, and despite his occasional indiscretions, especially when it involves recreational drugs, I can assure you he is not a rapist._

_I have contacted Mother, and it went as could be expected. Once she'd finished her traditional bout of Italian hysterics, she agreed to send the funds needed to post Caius' bail, and to arrange for the family firm to assist me with his case. However, she had one condition, and I'm sure you can guess what it was._

_Carlisle, if there is one thing that I want you to never doubt, it is my love for you. My time with you has been a treasure of which I am not worthy. We have frequently spoken about the love we both have for our families, and their importance in our lives. In light of this, it is my hope that you will come to understand the choice I had to make. It was not an easy one. Even as I make this decision, I am sure that I will always regret giving you up, but I cannot turn my back on Caius. I'm the only father he has and though I've made a very poor substitute, as this latest incident has proven, I am not capable of abandoning him._

_One day you will be a father, a wonderful, loving and protective father. I know this; I can feel it in my bones. Your heart is too large, and a family of your own will fill it with love. I wish you the best in your life, and my one regret is that I will no longer be a part of it._

_Take care of yourself, Carlisle. You have my heart, and all my love._

_Forever yours,_

_Aroilio Dominic Gallo_

* * *

" _Edward isn't like us, Leah. He has a heart, and it's kind of fragile. If you break it, I'll ruin you and your entire little fucking tribe, got me?"_

I could still feel Demetri's breath on my skin, it was fucking creepy. His threats were ridiculous, but something in the way he spoke about Edward made me uneasy. I shake off the strange feeling, and look up to see Jasper approaching; it looks like he's planting a flag with every step. I wish he could just ease up on this shit, though I do understand. We're all strung out with grief, and raw as fuck. I hate being the fucking grown up.

He steps up beside me, offering me his hand, but I shake my head. We stand in silence for a second. The sound of the wind rustling through the leaves above our heads is a welcome distraction from the sound of weeping. It's Edward. I don't have to look up to know that it's him—I can feel it. His grief resonates inside of me, like there's a tuning fork embedded in my insides that's made just for him.

It hurts too much, like a scab that won't heal. Every sound of pain coming from his direction, every time I see that look of self-accusation on his face, it picks away at me. It's killing me slowly, and I want it to stop.

"You know, I'm not Maria," I blurt it out, my anger and frustration lashing out at Jasper.

His sky blue eye rise to meet mine, and the pain in them is like a knife in my chest. I immediately lower my gaze to stare at his black cowboy boots, like a chickenshit. It was a stupid thing to say, even if it was the truth.

"I know," Jasper whispers, sounding tired and a little guilty. "But I can't help worrying, princess."

His callused finger brushes my temple, and wish that he wouldn't touch me. I glance up to see the heartbreaking smile that makes him look like he's a hundred years old.

"I don't need you to protect me," I plead, grabbing his wrist. "I'll be okay, I promise."

"Don't make promises that you can't keep," he laughs softly, as he tucks a stray clump of hair behind my ear, and wraps his hand around the back of my neck.

"Stop trying to save me," I mumble, wishing I could just turn away from him before he makes me cry.

"Can't," Jasper's voice sound pained as he pulls me into his chest.

I let him hold me, and feel stronger for it. I didn't realize how much today had taken out of me.

"It's not like I'm in any danger," I argue.

"You have no clue just how much danger you are in," he replies with a chuckle.

The sound of his amusement pisses me off, and I start to pull away.

"If the Cullens didn't banish me for dating Emmett, I hardly think they'll do it to me now for fucking Edward," I say, rolling my eyes, and pretend that I believe what I'm saying.

"I'm not talking about them," he replies, shaking his head at me, and turns me around. "I'm talking about him."

"Leah," Edward calls out as he practically falls over a gravestone, and stumbles towards us.

"I'll leave you two alone," Jasper mutters with a smirk, and abandons me.

_Fucker_.

Edward gives him a confused smile, and turns his attention to me. He takes my hands in his, and pulls me closer to his chest.

"Are you okay?" I ask, frowning at his dopey smile.

"I will be if you agree to a spend the weekend with me." He looks excited, and expectant.

"We can't at your house…I mean with Emmett and Rose," I sputter the lame excuse out, and try to not sound as scared as I am.

"Not there. I want to take you on a trip," he says it with a mischievous smile.

"A trip? Where?" I asking getting more nervous by the minute.

"That depends. Do you have a passport?" He smirks.


	24. Shine

"Shit!" I exclaim, digging through my backpack for the third time.

"What?" Edward smirks, not a hint of real concern on his beautiful face. _Fucker_!

"I think I forgot my sunglasses," I reply, shoving my backpack on the floor of the car. I unbuckle my seatbelt so I can reach my bag in the back seat.

"Leah! Buckle your seatbelt!" He yells, slapping his hand down on my stomach, pinning me to the seat. _Shit, he's fucking strong._

"Yes, sir!" I bark back at him, pulling my belt back over my chest. "I just wanted to check my suitcase."

"We're almost there," he argues, moving his hand away from me, and brushes his fingers though his messy hair. "You can suffer for a little while longer."

"Easy for you to say, you've got sunglasses," I complain, folding my arms over my chest. I stare out my window, trying to avoid looking directly into the sun, which is nearly impossible, since we're driving right toward it.

_Ocean Shores_. I can't believe I let Edward talk me into this, but it could be worse. We could be in some ridiculously expensive resort in a foreign country. Thankfully, I don't own a passport, which put a halt to any plans Edward had for foreign travel. Hell, I've only traveled out of Washington State twice in my life, and they were both trips to visit Bella. Other girls would have shit their pants with glee when Edward mentioned leaving the country for a 'vacation.' I'm not like the other girls, however; I nearly threw up. I made sure to shoot that shit down before the idea even took off. Luckily, it spared me from learning what exotic locale Edward had in mind. Admittedly, Ocean Shores isn't much better than foreign travel; it is spendy enough on its own. I groan softly to myself and shift in my seat to stare at the evergreens as they pass by my window in a green blur.

I've lived on the Washington coast since I was born, but in all that time, I've never been to this stupid resort town. It's been the playground of the rich and middle class since the sixties. The only reason that someone like me goes to Ocean Shores is to look for summer work, as a maid in one the fancy hotels. When I was a kid and I wanted to see the ocean, I simply walked down to First Beach. No one that I know ever drove to this pretentious shithole.

Edward steers the Volvo down the main street, past hotels and newly built condos. I'm surprised to find that it's even more developed than I thought it would be. I spy a huge billboard, advertising a brand new casino opening in the spring. I roll my eyes, and watch the darkened tourist traps as we pass by. It's the off-season, so nothing much is open. There are a few SUVs and BMWs cruising around as we head into what appears to be a residential area. Towering houses that would dwarf my father's home pop up all around us, blocking any view I could have had of the ocean.

I glance at Edward, and he's just smiling to himself as he navigates the winding maze of streets. We pull down a long road that's marked _private_. This particular development has sharp, modern-looking houses evenly spaced along the beach. There's easily fifty feet between each house, allowing me a chance to finally see the sea. The waves roll in and crash to the shore, and it makes me feel strangely calm to watch it. That calm fades instantly when Edward turns into the wide driveway of what is the largest house on the block, and quite probably the whole fucking town.

It's at least three stories tall—all glass, slate stone, and bleached white wood. This architectural monstrosity seems like it should be in California, on one of those ridiculous TV shows where the rich and famous showcase their cribs.

_Of course_ _the Cullens vacation here_ , I tell myself. _I bet they bathe in champagne and light cigars with hundred dollar bills while they watch the sunset_.

"Just a second," Edward mumbles. I watch as he punches a button on the futuristic panel of the dashboard, and the double-wide garage door quickly opens up in front of us.

I sink further into my seat, feeling increasingly uncomfortable, while Edward pulls into the garage of what may as well be the fucking Playboy mansion. He punches another button on the dash, and the garage door suddenly closes. I have a sinking feeling in my gut, and try to ignore all the expensive-looking shit that's neatly filling the garage. My skin already feels itchy as I stare at the shiny yellow corvette parked in the spot next to us.

"Isn't it hideous?" Edward makes a dismissive sound as he gets out of the Volvo. He walks around the car and attempts to open my door for me.

"Yeah, that's just what I was thinking," I mumble. I push open my door, standing before he can help me. "Why not sell it if you hate it so much?"

"Oh, it's not mine," he replies, looking mildly offended, and casts a disgusted look at the car. "It's Alice's. I would _never_ ruin a beautiful car by painting it canary yellow."

_Of course_ he knows the exact shade of yellow. _Of course_ it's the color of the car that he finds distasteful. _Of course_ he has no clue how badly I want to go home right now.

"Let's take the stuff inside," I say. I yank the back door of his Volvo open and grab my duffle bag.

"I've got the bags," Edward insists, plucking it out of my hands and hip-checking me out of the way.

"Fine!" I turn and head for the door, so I can ignore the sight of two very expensive looking motorcycles.

The door opens into a dim hallway. I can see sunlight at the end of the corridor, so I walk toward it. I step into an open room that makes my jaw drop. The ceiling must twenty feet high. It appears to be a combination living room-dining room-kitchen. Everything is open, with no walls separating the rooms. There is a giant wall of windows, ceiling to floor, that looks out onto the Pacific Ocean. Waves crash onto the sand just a few yards away from the deck that lines the outside of the house. I've only seen houses like this on TV...or in rap videos.

"It's not the Bahamas, but I hope you'll still like it," Edward says from behind me.

"I'll cope," I reply, tearing my eyes away from the breathtaking view to turn toward Edward. Instead, I see a piano that could only be described as Elton John's wet dream. "Fuck me running."

The white piano is the size of a Buick, sitting like a fucking whale in the center of the room. There's a matching rug below that looks like it could be an animal pelt.

"What?" Edward's voice sounds far away, and I turn find him on a staircase leading up to a loft area.

"I didn't know that you had Elton John do private shows for you," I yell. I do my best to cover up my discomfort with bitchiness.

Edward stands behind the railing at the top of the stairs, looking like he's going to give a tour of his Rockstar crib.

"He hardly ever has the time anymore," he replies with a mocking grin.

He jogs down the stairs and over to meet me, practically dragging my body to the ivory nightmare. "It was a present from Esme's father for my sixteenth birthday. He used to love to hear me play," he explains.

He runs his hand the side of the piano. A strange look blooms on his face, as he stares at the gold letters of the logo that spells _Fazioli_. I watch as the corners of his mouth slow turn down, and his eyes seem to darken. It's like all the light has left the room, and I can't stand it.

I shouldn't have mentioned this piano. I'm here to help him, and cheer him up, not to be a sullen fucking bitch. I'm doing the thing I always do when I think too hard about the Cullens' money. I'm being a cunt, and I need to fucking stop.

"And do you roast wild boar in the fireplace or just use it to get to Diagon Alley?" I walk away from the piano and gesture toward the stone hearth that takes up an entire wall, hoping to distract him.

Edward's laughter echoes off the walls as he wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my cheek. I try to make myself relax, ignoring the expensive furniture and the crystal chandelier. He turns me in his arms, and cradles my face in his hands.

"There's something I've been wanting to do with you ever since I decided to bring you here," he speaks softly, his face is so close I can feel his lips brush against the corner of my mouth. "Do you feel adventurous?"

His proximity leaves me breathless and horny. I try to reply with as much dignity as I can muster under the circumstances.

"Um...sure," I sputter, and manage to shrug.

* * *

"Come on Leah, don't be such a baby!" I yell over my shoulder as I gun the engine, and am rewarded with a damp spray of sand.

"Shit fucker!" Leah screams, from behind me.

I can hear the low drumming of her moped as it increases in speed and quickly closes the distance between us. The sand and wind slap me in the face, but I can't suppress my smile. Leah's starting to gain on me. I can see the front of Alice's bright pink moped in my peripheral vision, with its little white cat ears sprouting from the top of the headlight. I'm still amazed that I was able to talk her into riding it; she took a great deal of convincing. In fact, we almost didn't make it out of the garage.

I can still see the look on Leah's face as I lifted her up onto the seat, and wrapped her long legs around my waist. She gets a smoldering dark look in her eyes whenever she's turned on, and I can't stop myself from touching her when I see it. Within a matter of minutes, my hand found its way inside her tight jeans, and she gasped my name as she came in a low growl. I wanted to strip off her clothes and take her on the hood of Alice's corvette. I'm still painfully hard just thinking about it, but I decided to wait. It's worth the discomfort to share this with Leah.

I turn my head to take in the sight of her on the tiny pink nightmare of a bike, with the matching helmet, and feel laughter burst out of my mouth. Her mouth is pressing into a tight line of anger, and I know that I'm going to pay for laughing at her, but I can't stop the sound as it bubbles up out of my chest. My mouth aches from being whipped by the sand, the wind, and smiling so much.

It's only been a few months since I was here with the family, but somehow it seems like years since I've had this much fun with anyone. When we were kids, we used to race all over this beach. Emmett made an annual tradition out of wrecking his bike by trying to jump it over driftwood logs. Alice rarely rode her bike; when she did, it was just to go to the store for ice cream.

"You're going down, Cullen!" Leah's scream makes me laugh harder, until I see her veer toward me with the clear intent to ram me.

I try to swerve, gripping the brake too tightly, and brace myself as the bike banks too hard. I'm thrown forward, and manage to tuck my head into my body before I hit the sand. I roll to stop on my back, to stare at the overcast sky. She pulls up beside me, sending a light spray of sand in my face.

"Motherfucking son of a bitch!" Leah dumps the moped and tears the helmet off her head, not even bothering to remove the chin strap, She tumbles to the sand beside me. "Are you okay?"

I stare at the concern on her face, and start to laugh again, loudly. Her helmet is dangling by its strap, pressed against the side of her chin. Hello Kitty's black dot eyes are giving me a crooked stare down, and it completes the absurdity of the moment.

"Yes, no thanks to you," I chuckle, standing up and brushing the sand off my jeans.

"Me? I was just trying to get you to slow down!" She steps close, and sticks her finger right into my chest.

"How? By crashing into me?" I argue, gently brushing away her finger, and start to unbuckle her dangling helmet.

Leah slaps at my hands, and takes over undoing the chin strap, fury quickly overtaking her expression. She pulls off her helmet, takes a deep breath and glares at me. I can see her mind attempting to form a sound rebuttal, and it fails completely.

"I'm waiting," I say, taking off my own helmet, and pour out an impressive amount of sand.

She snaps her teeth together and lifts her hand into the air between us. Her fingers curve into claws, but stay frozen in front of her. Finally, she opens her mouth and screams, "Fuck you!"

I start to laugh uncontrollably, doubling over from the effort of trying to catch my breath. Leah growls, swears some more, and tosses her helmet into the sand in front of me. Sand flies into my face, going up my nose and in my mouth. I accidentally inhale it, and start to cough. Suddenly, it's Leah's turn to start laughing and dancing around me as I try to get the sand out.

When I finally rise up to look at her, she looks idiotic and absolutely adorable. She's doing some kind of dance that makes her look like a chicken having a seizure. I can't help but grin at the sight of her acting so silly. It's so rare that I get to see her in such an unguarded moment like this. I _almost_ feel bad when I pick her up, walk into the waves, and throw her into the ocean.

"EDWARD! You shit-eating monkey fuck!" Leah gasps. She flails in the ice-cold water while I step back out of her reach and laugh.

"You have no one to blame but yourself," I reply in a calm tone, folding my arms over my chest and watching her stumble to her feet to charge at me like a linebacker.

I let her hit me, but quickly realize that I underestimated her strength. The air leaves my lungs in a rush as I fall back onto the wet sand. An incoming wave crashes into my face before I have time to react. I choke and struggle to pull her off me. As she fights against me, she straddles my lap. Her fists are tangled in my hair, and my hands are on her shoulders when she finally stops struggling. We pause for a beat while I wait to see what she's going to do; I'm surprised when she closes the distance to take my breath away with a kiss.

The water crashes in around us, and I manage to stay upright enough to keep it out of my nose. Leah doesn't seem to notice, her tongue is twisting around mine and her body is moving against mine at a maddening pace, making me hard in seconds. As the water recedes away from shore, I pull her down and roll us, switching our positions. I shift my hips, moving against her, causing enough friction to make her moan into my mouth. The water is back, and I quickly lift her up to straddle my lap, continuing to move her over my hard dick.

My body is shaking, but I can't tell if it's from the cold or from the way that Leah is rubbing against me. I'm so wrapped up in the taste and feel of her that I don't notice the beach patrol until the officer is standing over us and audibly clears his throat.

"Um, I hate to interrupt." The officer looks awkward as I Leah and I break apart to look at him. "It's far too cold for you folks to be swimming."

"Of course, officer! I'm sorry," I reply, struggling to stand, keeping Leah in front of me—there's no need to make the situation even more uncomfortable by showing him my obvious erection.

"Yeah, uh...he fell." Leah unsuccessfully tries to stifle her laughter, nearly causing me to start laughing along with her.

"We'll just get our bikes and head home," I cough, pushing her in front of me, and starting to move us toward her moped.

"You do that. Make sure to warm up as soon as you get there," the officer grumbles. He turns around, heading back to his jeep. "Hate for you kids to get hypothermia," he says over his shoulder.

Leah turns around to face me with an evil grin on her face, and grabs my dick through my wet jeans.

"You hear that, Edward? You need to warm me up," she speaks loudly, and tries to bite my chin.

I duck out of her reach, and glance back at the officer, but he's already pulling away. I turn back her to groan in frustration, and remove her hand of my crotch

"Oh, I'll warm you up," I promise, pushing her towards the moped and slapping her ass hard.

She yelps, and turns back to flip me off, sticking out her tongue. She's going to regret her little comment, and I'm going to enjoy making her pay. I smile to myself as I pick my moped out of the sand and start it. Leah's already astride hers, pulling away, headed down the beach. She flips me off again. I just laugh and shake my head as I take off after her.

* * *

"You're shaking," Edward says, tugging my jeans off my hips.

"No shit! You threw me in the fucking ocean...in November," I spit out, my teeth chattering loudly as I peel off my t-shirt and bra.

"It's December," he corrects me, like an asshole.

"December, whatever, it's fucking cold!" I swat away his hands, and tear my underwear as I attempt to push it down my legs.

The steam from the shower is billowing through the doorway and into the bedroom. I walk through the wall of humidity, leaving Edward behind to take off his own wet clothes. I practically tear the glass door off its hinges as I open it, I'm so eager to get in the warm water. The water is spraying out of four separate spouts inside the large glass square that makes up this ridiculous shower. It stands like a giant glass box in the middle of the biggest bathroom I have ever seen. I close the door behind me, and step under the nearest spout; I barely flinch as the heat of the water pummels me. My skin tingles as it finally begins to warm up. I tilt my head back, allowing the water to flow over my face and I wipe it away with my hands.

_December?_ How did time go by so fast? It's been a month since my birthday party. A month ago, the last thing I thought I'd be doing was staying at the Cullens' beach house with Edward. I blink away the water, and try to not think about everything that's happened since that night.

I stare through the fogged up glass wall of the shower, and can just barely make out the darkening sky through the picture window on the opposite wall. I wipe my hand across the glass, so I can see it more clearly. The ocean roils and pulls out toward the horizon. It feels like we are on a deserted island, just the two of us, together with only the ocean and the sky.

"Warming up?" Edward asks from behind me, his frigid hands running along my spine.

"Cocksucker!" I jump, slamming face-first into the glass and nearly fall over.

Edward catches me with his arm around my waist, and pulls me back against his body. Despite his ice-cold skin, I relax into the feel of him pressed against my back. His cold lips mark a trail across my shoulder and up my neck.

"Thank you," he whispers in my ear, making me tremble.

"For what?" I pull away, stepping back into the steaming water, letting it pour over my shoulders.

"For coming with me," he replies, rolling his eyes and walking toward me. "I know that things have been...hard lately."

His face darkens, and his eyes take on that lost little boy look that makes me panicky. I can't stand to see him in pain now any more than I could a few days ago, back when I agreed to this crazy idea. My mind whirls and clunks as I try to figure out how to pull him out of whatever dark place he's stuck in.

"No big deal… but I was hoping..." I trail off, trying to look coy, while I wrack my brain for something to fucking say.

"Hoping?" Edward's expression brightens. His mouth turns up into a playful smirk as he grabs a hold of my hips, pulling me closer.

His dick is hard, and pokes into my bellybutton like a plug looking for a socket. This is not helping me think clearly. I press my hands against his chest to keep him from impaling me on his giant cock; I have to admit that it looks really pretty in the golden light of the sunset and the falling water of the shower. _Focus, Clearwater!_ I shake my head, trying to make it look like I'm tossing my hair over my shoulder. My attempt at nonchalance isn't really working, because my wet hair is stuck to my skin.

"Hoping we could, you know...fuck," I mumble, feeling like a fucking moron.

Edward throws his head back and laughs. The sound is magnified by the glass walls, and makes me feel more stupid than I already do. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer. I press my face against his chest, wishing that I could smash my head against the floor and end my humiliation. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Edward rubs circles into my back and tightens his hold on me, while he walks us into the center of the shower. Water hits me everywhere, except for my face. It feels good—warm and soothing. He's rocking me ever so slightly, and I can't help but lean my weight into the easy movement. It would be almost comforting if his cock wasn't still knocking on my stomach and asking to play.

I lift my head to look at him, and find him staring back at me. Edward's face is serene. His damp hair is sticking out in every direction except for one clump that's dangling in front of his right eye. There are still bits of sand sprinkled across his hair and face that sparkle like flecks of gold.

I open my mouth to tell him that he needs a haircut, but he stops me by pressing his thumb against my lips. He shakes his head, and leans in to kiss me. I close my eyes, letting go of all the tension, allowing myself to enjoy the smooth slide of his lips against mine. Edward's making his hungry, humming sound that always makes my pussy ache. I gasp as his tongue slips between my lips and begins to slowly fuck my mouth. I groan around the dizzying effects of his tongue, and grab a fistful of his hair to pull his head closer, deepening the kiss.

Edward responds by slamming my back into the wall, making my teeth rattle even as my legs go weak and I slide down the glass. He grabs my thigh, hitching it up high on his hip, and positions his dick right against my clit. I instinctively thrust against him, loving how his smooth skin slides over mine, and leaves me trembling for more.

I'm vaguely aware that somewhere, in the back of my mind, I hate myself a little for wanting him so badly. I wish that I wasn't so eager to feel him inside of me that I'm practically rubbing myself off on his cock. It's just that he feels _so_ fucking good. Edward tangles his fingers into the wet mop of my hair, and roughly pulls my head to the side.

"What's the rush?" He drags his teeth along the curve of my arched neck and laps at my skin with his mile long tongue. "We have all weekend."

"You planning to fuck me or torture me?" I snarl in response, shifting my hips and rubbing myself on him for emphasis.

Edward closes his eyes, and swallows. I watch his Adam's apple bob with a deep sense of satisfaction. Fucker is just as horny as I am. There's no point in trying to dress this shit up.

"What do you think?" He asks, opening his eyes to give me a positively devilish look.

Before I can respond with a condescending remark he flips me around and presses me up against the shower wall. He kicks my legs further apart, forcing my hands up above my head, and pins them in place with one his own.

"You going to spank me again?" I try to sound causal, even though my heart is drumming. I don't want him to know how badly I've wanted him to do that again. There's something so freeing about that action, and it was one of the best orgasms of my life.

"If you're bad," he replies with a breathy chuckle, and presses his body along my back.

His dick is sliding between my ass cheeks at a deliberately slow pace. Fucker is teasing me, and I'm eating it up, panting for more. I arch my back, trying to increase the pressure between myself and his cock, and turn my head so I can look at him.

"You want to fuck my ass?" I smirk at him, enjoying the look of hunger in his eyes as he grins back.

"Maybe later," he says, pressing his dick down and slips it between my thighs.

His head brushes past my clit with just enough pressure to make me groan and slam my head against the glass in frustration. Edward digs his teeth into my shoulder as he finds an aggravatingly slow rhythm, thrusting his cock between my trembling thighs and rubbing my clit at random intervals. I move my hips, trying to get more friction, and he rewards me with a hard slap to the ass.

"Fuck!" I scream, bucking against his body.

"Patience," he hisses against my ear, and resumes his slow thrusts.

The head of his dick is rubbing in just the right spot on my clit, sending a jolt of electricity through me. It feels so good I want to cry, but I hold still, and wait. Edward continues his movements while his hands grip my hips, pulling me against him with each thrust. He continues to rub my sore, twitching clit at an agonizingly slow pace. Time slows to a crawl, and Edward takes his time torturing me, breaking me down until I'm a quivering mess. Each thrust ignites a simmering itch, making me moan and shudder with every stroke, until I'm making inhuman sounds that echo off the bathroom wall.

"Close?" He finally whispers, sounding pained and breathless.

"Yes," I moan so loud that I make my ears ring.

"Thank god," he gasps, releasing my hands and pulling me back from the wall.

He rubs his cock against my throbbing pussy and I press my hands against the glass wall to keep balanced. I'm so ready that I push back against him, and feel him slide into me just a little. Edward groans, not even bothering to stop me, and thrusts the rest of the way in.

"Motherfuck I'm going to come!" I gasp, trying to stay upright despite the way my legs are shaking.

Edward starts to move fast, slamming into me with such force that I have to push against the wall to keep my head from smashing into it. I don't care. When the explosion finally hits, I'm screaming and crying with relief. I can barely make out Edward's own scream as another explosion of pleasure hits me, making me lose all control over my legs.

"Shit!" Edward gasps, his arm catching me, and prevents me from falling over.

I'm still panting, trembling and coming, even as he slips out of me. He kisses my temple, and gently lowers us to the floor, his arms like steel around my waist. I'm a boneless mess, grinning like a fucking mental case, as Edward cradles me in his arms.

"Are you okay?" He asks, water bouncing off his face as he squints down at me.

"No," I snap, barely able to keep the bitch tone in my voice as a satisfied smile continues to stretch my mouth. "I think you fucked me stupid."

* * *

"Thirty-two fifty," the kid's voice cracks as he hands me the steaming pizza box, and I give him two twenty-dollar bills.

"Keep the change," I say with a ridiculously large grin, and close the door.

The rich scent of pepperoni and spices makes my mouth water, but what's awaiting me upstairs is what truly makes me hungry. I take a deep breath, turning toward the kitchen to grab supplies. I carefully pile plates, utensils and napkins on top of the pizza box, knowing that Leah will not need any of them. She was so hungry when I left her to order dinner that she was threatening to eat my down comforter. I laugh at the memory of her growling stomach beneath my lips, and the way she blushed when she realized the loud noise came from her body.

"Edward!" The threatening tone in Leah's voice makes my heartbeat quicken.

"Coming!" I reply, jogging up the stairs and into the bedroom.

"Finally," she sighs, easing back into the maroon comforter.

She looks so content and beautiful in my bed.

"Have you picked out a movie yet?" I ask, setting down the food on the bed. I open the box and begin to place some slices on a plate for her.

"There's nothing on," she grumbles, pointing the remote at the flatscreen. The channels flash by in a blur.

"I could go out. The general store rents DVDs," I say, handing her a plate with two large pieces of pizza draped over it, and lay a napkin over her lap.

"Naw, don't bother," she sighs, her eyes fixed on her food.

She settles back, leaning against the headboard, and starts to eat. Her knees are pulled up in front of her, and I can see that she didn't bother to put on any underwear, though she insisted on wearing one of my shirts. The white cotton is already spattered with a light dusting of tomato sauce, but I don't mind; it's worth it to see her in my shirt. The front is unbuttoned and open down to her navel, barely hiding her breasts. Despite the fact that I can see just about every part of her naked body, it's the sight of her exposed collarbone that really captivates me.

The defined lines of her skin pulled tight over her bones with the smooth divot at the center virtually begs to be licked. As I gaze at her collarbones, my mouth waters even more than it did for the pizza that now lies forgotten in my lap. She tilts her head forward, slightly shifting her whole body, causing her hair to fall over her shoulder. Like an ebony curtain, it swoops across her chest, covering her, and breaking the spell her body has cast over me.

I raise my eyes to see that Leah is still staring at the television despite her protest that there is nothing on worth watching. I glance over my shoulder and see a newscaster talking about the stock market.

"You're not even watching this," I chuckle. Reaching across the bed to pick up the remote from where she dropped it, I turn off the TV.

"Fine. What now?" She asks around a mouthful of pizza, and manages to drips some sauces out of her mouth.

"Chopin," I counter, wiping away the sauce with my thumb as I hit the buttons on the remote, without looking. I programmed this system, after all.

The soft opening notes of _Nocturnes_ pour from the speakers around us. Leah smiles, closing her eyes and sways her head as she chews. The sight of her pleasure is almost as distracting as her body. I could watch her like this for hours.

"Your dinner's getting cold," she says, without opening her eyes.

I laugh and pick up my plate, wishing that we could stay here forever.

* * *

The wind cuts through me, leaving a jagged path of pain across my face. I pull the lapels of my jacket closed over my chest and squint through the swirling storm of fat white snowflakes. My breath, a pale plume of ivory, contributes its share to blinding me, combining with the forces of wind and snow.

_Edward!_

I feel her presence like a shock. She's close; I know it. I stumble forward through the sand. My feet are leaden and seem to work against me. The beach is a blanket of fluffy white—the snow has covered every surface with the exception of the churning currents of the sea. Crystal blue waves tumble upon the shore, making sharp shattering sounds like breaking glass as they collide with the land, and rush forward to reach my feet.

_Edward!_

I look up, shielding my eyes with my hand, ignoring how it aches from the exposure to the elements. She's there, just off the shore, standing on top of the wild, rolling waves. Her dark hair and skin are covered in a thin, glittering layer of white. Her arm is outstretched and reaching toward me. Leah's beautiful lips part, and her voice over takes the violent sounds of the ocean.

_Edward!_

I'm wading into the arctic waters, without a second thought, the ice cutting through my body like knives. I ignore the pain, pushing forward, my eyes fixed on the beautiful woman in front of me. Leah...dressed completely in white, turning my name into a song every time she utters it, hovering like an angel above me. Even as the current pulls at my body, I stretch my arm out to capture her delicate wrist.

_Leah!_

In an instant, the world flips, turning ocean into sky, and my body is suddenly leaning over the edge of a cliff. Leah dangles from my hand over the black, bottomless pit. Her face transforms from serenity to a mask of terror. I tighten my grip on her, but it only serves to push her slippery skin through my fingers. I see the wide, dark pools of her eyes as she slips from my grasp, and my ears fill with her screams.

I jerk awake, a cold sweat clinging to my skin. The bed is empty; there's no sign of Leah, and panic starts to fill me.

"Son of a come-guzzling twat!" Her voice rings out from somewhere in the house, and relief flows over me. I collapse back against the bed, chuckling at myself and the strange dream.

Leah continues her symphony of screams and curses while I slip on a pair of boxers and head down to find her in the kitchen. She is standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing another one of my white cotton shirts. I assume this is a new one, because I ripped the one she was wearing last night. It's a good thing that I keep extra clothes here or I would have to drive back to Seattle naked.

There are two coffee mugs, a French press, and a bag of coffee on its side set out on the counter.

"Can I help?" I approach her slowly, carefully stepping through the coffee beans that are scattered across the floor.

"Please tell me what kind of grind setting is five? How the fuck am I supposed to know what FIVE is?" Leah's pounding her fist into the counter, as she turns from Carlisle's specialty grinder to glare at me.

"I believe that it is for a drip coffeemaker," I reply softly, and she scowls at me.

"You grind, I'll deal with the water. I can't possibly fuck that up," she sighs. Turning to the sink, she picks up the stainless steel kettle to fill it with water.

I set up the grinder and turn it on, taking a moment to glance around the kitchen. There's a carton of eggs and a loaf of bread on the counter next to the stove. One of Esme's decorative cast-iron frying pans is sitting on the stove top, the red- and white-checkered ribbon still tied in a neat bow around the handle. She must have not found the pantry behind the linen closet where we keep all the cook wear.

"Were you going to cook me breakfast?" I don't hide the amusement in my tone, turning back to shut off the grinder, and pour the grounds into the French press.

"Maybe," she replies, flicking cold water at my naked back. "What of it?"

I swivel my body and grab her around the waist, pulling her off her feet. She thrashes and fights until I hoist her onto the counter in front of me. Leah sits with her legs slightly parted, showing me that she's naked under my shirt. The sight of her exposed skin, combined with the flirty smile on her mouth, make me hard.

I pull her down to kiss me, and slide my hand between her legs. She's hot and damp on my fingers. Her legs slide further apart, and she moans. I take hold of her thighs, pulling them closer to me, and break the kiss.

"I know exactly what I want to eat," I chuckle, lowering my mouth over her inner thigh.

Leah hisses, shifting her hips up toward me, and leans back against the counter. I love this angle; I can taste her salty skin and watch her body writhe at the same time. Her hands are on her nipples, plunking and pinching them. I work my way up her thigh, toward her naked pussy, pushing her legs apart to give me better access.

I hover for a second, allowing my breath to wash over her, and revel in how it makes her gasp. I flatten my tongue and drag it from back to front. A tease, really, more than anything. I do it just to see her rise off the counter, calling me a new ridiculous name. I'm not really sure what a cock tool is, but I make a mental note to ask Leah about it later.

While she's trembling from my touch, I lower my head back between her legs, and narrow my tongue into a point. Using it to trace her inner lips, I focus on her entrance with short, teasing strokes. She's making loud, hiccuping sounds as my tongue moves over her pussy. I start to make a second pass, flattening my tongue again, forcing it as wide as I can make it, and push into her. Leah's entire body moves off the counter, her nails clenching my scalp and her heels digging into my back. She's close; I'm going to have a lot of fun now.

Leaving her pussy, I cup her face in my hands. I feel a twist of guilt at the sight of her confusion, but it's not enough to make me stop. Leah is almost too beautiful when she comes, and right now, I want to make her come so hard that she forgets her name.

"We're going to play a game," I whisper, brushing my lips over her mouth.

"What?" She's breathless, and confused, but there is a frown is growing on her face.

"Whoever wins gets to pick what we do for the rest of the day," I say, trying to convince her to agree with me, shamelessly using my smile to try to persuade her.

"What are the rules?" Leah looks skeptical, but she hasn't turned me down.

"I'm going to keep doing this," I stop to kiss her softly, and continue, "until you come."

"Mmm...I like the sound of that," she replies, nipping at my chin.

"If you make a sound, I win," I finish, and slide the pad of my thumb over her clit.

She jerks, but immediately presses her lips together. Her eyes narrow at me, but she doesn't make a sound. I assume it means that she's agreed to the terms, and lower my head between her legs. Returning my tongue to slide into her, I start to rub her clit with my thumb again. Her legs are thrashing, and her I can hear her exhaling. Technically, I think that's making sound, but I'm having too much fun to say anything.

Just as I start to work my fingers inside of her I hear the mechanical click of the front door closing.

"Oh my god!" A familiar voice draws my attention away from what I'm doing, and I look up into the shocked face of Angela, the housekeeper's daughter.

"SHIT!" Leah shifts away from me and struggles to get off the counter.

Angela quickly backs up, disappearing into entryway. I turn, trying to help Leah. I'm too late; she slips off the counter and tumbles to the floor, erupting in a new torrent of curses.

"Leah!" I crouch down, but she's already getting to her feet.

"Leah?" Angela pops her head around the corner to peer at us, and I try to shield Leah out of some vague sense of modesty.

"Angela?" Leah pushes me aside, and stares at Angela with a strange expression on her face. If I didn't know better, I would say she's blushing.

* * *

"She had a fever of a hundred and two, but she was at the door with her coat on, determined to do her winter house checks," Angela laughs, shaking her head, and looks down at her coffee. "Can you believe it?"

"It sounds like your mother," Edward chuckles, and takes a sip of his own coffee.

"Yeah, that's why I had to get my father to lock the door after I left or she would have followed me," she says, widening her eyes for emphasis, and Edward laughs a little harder.

I crouch on my knees, my face pressed against the railings of the little balcony, so I can watch them. Once I realized that it was Angela, I immediately excused myself, telling them I needed to get dressed. While I did take time to get dressed, my real motivation was to eavesdrop and find out how the fuck they know each other; I also needed to hear if Angela might let anything slip. I should have realized that there was a possibility that I would run into someone that I know here. After all, we're not that far from the rez, and I know that Angela's mother cleans houses at Ocean Shores. It never occurred to me that she might clean the Cullens' beach house. I certainly never entertained the idea that Edward might know the first girl that I ever fucked.

They're making small talk, and I hope with every fiber of my being that it stays that way. Edward's back is to me, but I can see Angela leaning over her cup of coffee, and smiling pleasantly. I remember when that smile used to make my heart beat faster. Actually, it's doing that right now, but for a totally different reason.

"So, how is school going?" Edward's voice echoes in the house.

He sounds so calm and civilized, but then again, he has no clue how fucking awkward this is for me. It's entirely possible that he might still be cool and collected if he knew the truth. Edward's always been good at handling tense social situations, certainly much better than I am, which really isn't saying much. When you're first instinct in uncomfortable situations is to punch the nearest person, it tends to set the bar pretty low.

"Good, keeping my GPA up," Angela replies in a polite tone that sounds so different from the girl I used to know.

"I got your pictures from Russia. It looked like it was a lot of fun," Edward says, his body shifting to the side.

"Yeah, thanks again for putting in a good word for me," Angela says, and takes a sip of her coffee.

Edward turns his head toward the balcony, and I immediately scramble backward as quietly as I can manage. I wait, hearing my heart thump in my chest.

"Can I ask how you know Leah?" He says in a hushed tone. I bite my lip, and wait to see how Angela's going to answer.

"It's a funny story," Angela chuckles. I can hear a tapping sound, which must be her nails on the counter or her coffee mug.

I smile, remembering her nervous habit. She has beautiful fingers; it's one of the first things I noticed about her.

"It was at the Port Angeles library. She was in a panic, studying for her SATs." Her voice deepens a little, taking on a more intimate tone, and making me blush as I recall _other kinds_ of memories.

"Oh, that's right, you worked there, didn't you?" Edward's voice forces the steamy memories out of my mind and instantly replaces them with anxiety.

"Yeah," she smiles shyly. "Volunteered, actually. Anyway, she was swearing up a storm in the back section of the library, and they actually sent me over to kick her out. When I got back there, she was standing in the middle of the aisle telling Tyler that if he tried to kick her out, he was going to do it with her foot in his ass."

Edward starts laughing, and I relax a little, hoping that her story sticks to the less racy parts of that day.

"I walked up and rescued Tyler by asking her to let me help, and she unloaded on me. At first, I seriously thought she had Tourette's. Once I got her to sit down, and we started talking, we hit it off. Leah's really funny and sweet, once you get to know her, but I'm sure you already know that," she finishes with an uncomfortable laugh. I'm so relieved that she told a safe version of the story that I nearly pass out.

"That sounds like Leah," Edward says, and I hear one of the chairs move. "More coffee?"

"Yes, please," she says, and I can hear the relief in her tone.

I finally make myself stand, straighten my t-shirt, and head down the stairs. I try to appear casual and not like the big idiot eavesdropper that I am.

"There she is," Angela says, with that familiar mocking tone that always made me want to either slap or fuck her.

"Hey, Angie," I say, giving her a warning look and wishing that she could see right through me.

"Hey, Fifteen ninety." She says it so casually, and yet it's like a slap in the fucking face.

Bitch has not fucking changed at all. I grind my teeth, but quickly stop as Edward walks up to kiss my cheek, and pulls me over to the table.

"Fifteen ninety? What is that?" Edward asks innocently, setting down her full coffee mug. He waits for me to sit down before taking his own seat.

"Thank you," Angela says, bringing the cup up to her lips, and raises her eyes to meet mine. "Didn't Leah tell you?"

Angela plays the sweet, nerdy Asian card for people, because that's what they expect when they look at her. It gets her what she needs, but it's not who she is underneath. Deep down, Angela is a butch, man-hating lesbian.

"No, she didn't," Edward replies, bumping my shoulder playfully. I resist the urge to wipe away Angela's smirk with my fist.

_This is my punishment_.

She has always resented her family's reliance upon the wealthy families of Forks and the vacationing Seattlites. We spent many nights drinking, while I listened to her rail about the evil of privileged motherfuckers raping the land to build casinos and condos. I thought that she was right about rich people, because all I knew of them were the clueless tourist that spent money at the rez gift shop like it was paper. I never thought that I would ever be friends with people like that...like the Cullens.

As Angela stares at me, a lump develops in my throat. I know how she sees this situation. She obviously doesn't care how cool the Cullens are or that I'm not interested in Edward's money. All she knows is that I'm fucking one of those people she hates—and a guy, no less—and is humiliating me for it.

"It was her final score on the SAT," she answers for me, taking another long sip of her coffee.

I can't bring myself to look at Edward. I'm too afraid that I will see the same surprised or shocked look that most people wear when they discover that a foul mouthed, Quileute _woman_ got an SAT score that high. The only explanation _had_ to be that I cheated. That's exactly what the review board suspected when they opened an investigation into the matter. They promptly killed any motivation I had to go to college.

Angela knows this, and she's bringing it up to remind me of the most sobering fucking moment in my life. Putting me back in my place. Bringing me back to reality with this shit. I fucking hate her for doing it, almost as much as I hated her when I found out that she had a girlfriend and was fucking me on the side. Not that I could judge—I was cheating on my finance with her—but I was young and a selfish asshole at the time.

"Well, that's not surprising," he says in a light, humorous tone that makes me snap my head to the side to stare at him. "What?"

He gives me this innocent, questioning look, like I'm a dick for glaring at him. Where am I? Is this an alternate reality where Edward Cullen just paid me a compliment when his dick wasn't inside me?

"I always thought so myself," Angela replies, and I turn back to see a mixture of surprise and satisfaction on her face. "I mean, with an ass as smart as that, her brain's got to be pretty impressive."

Edward laughs, and Angela winks at me. Leave it to her to hop right back into playing the 'Let's fuck with Leah game.' She mumbles something under her breath to Edward, which makes him chuckle even harder. _Shit! Did she just make him blush? Fucking Angela!_

"How's Lauren?" I smile, watching the smirk on Angela's face dissolve in an instant.

"I wouldn't know, she moved to San Francisco after graduation," she replies, looking down at her coffee.

"Aw, that's a shame. I thought you two crazy kids would be together forever," I say in a bitchy tone.

I immediately regret saying it when I see her eyes dart over to Edward, and I realize that she's not out to him. Angela can be a self-righteous cunt, but her family means everything to her; they have no clue about her sexual life. I am such a fucking asshole.

I turn my eyes toward Edward, wondering how badly I just fucked up, and am completely floored by the look on his face. He's looking between Angela and I with a smirk on his face, like he has just heard the funniest joke in the world, but isn't sure if he wants to share it.

"I should go," Angela starts to move like she's going to leave, but Edward puts his hand on her wrist, and I feel my whole body tense.

"Angela," he speaks in the soft, tone that kind of reminds me of Esme. "I hope you trust that I would never judge you. After all, I'm with Leah, and she's apparently slept with most of the women in the Pacific Northwest."

I don't realize that my mouth is open, until Angela starts laughing like a hyena. _Bitch!_ Then Edward joins in on the laughing, and has the balls to wink at me. _Bastard!_

"You both can go fuck yourselves," I grumble, pushing back from the counter and walk into the kitchen to get myself a cup of coffee.

"She hasn't changed a bit," Angela says leaning over conspiratorially toward Edward, who just laughs harder.

"She can still hear you!" I slam the cupboard closed and roll my eyes as they continue to cackle. _Assholes! Why am I attracted to assholes?_

Edward and Angela continue to chat as I stand on the other side of the breakfast bar and sulk. Turns out that she's not just the daughter of the Cullen's housekeeper, but she's also one of their scholarship students. They've been sponsoring her education since she graduated from high school. Edward even pulled strings to get her into some summer program where she travelled to Russia to dig up and catalog an old Eskimo village.

As Angela updates Edward on her life and they fall back into a comfortable conversation, my annoyance slowly dissipates into confusion. My mind is still swirling over the strangeness of my past and present colliding. When Angela's dad finally calls to ask when she's headed home, she gets ready to leave.

We share a hug and exchange numbers. Despite that fact that she can be a total twat, I kind of miss Angela. She and Edward shake hands like the two fucking butch assholes they are, and Angela heads toward the door. Edward wraps an arm around my waist and we both wave goodbye as she leaves.

"That was nice," he says, leaning down to kiss my cheek. It feels comfortable and domestic and...fucking weird.

"Are we going to fuck now, or what?" I grumble, leaning into his embrace despite the annoyed tone in my voice.

"You say the most romantic things," he laughs, and tightens his arms around me.


	25. To Fall

I slide my aching fingers from the keys, and allow the last note reverberate through the room. That was always his favorite part of this song—the absence of sound once it comes to an end, and how it fills you with emptiness when you realize that the music is gone. Alec always had the most wonderful way of describing music. I wish that I would have told him that. I wish I would have told him so many things.

I push the thought away, as the pain in my hand sharpens, and I rub the small misshapen lump of cartilage on my knuckle. I shouldn't have played so much; it's been far too long and my hand is out of shape. Typing on a computer keyboard isn't nearly the work out of Beethoven's _Der Sturm_ , butI couldn't resist playing it. It reminds me of Leah's temperament. Sometimes, she makes me feel like I'm out to sea in the middle of a raging storm; at the mercy of the ferocious, untamed majesty of nature. Terrifying, yet also magnificent.

Warm hands slide up my calves and along my inner thighs, making my dick hard. My current state of nudity prevents me from hiding my enthusiasm. I suppose that is my own fault for insisting we stay naked for the rest of the day, or at least until I surprise Leah with my plans for our evening. I scoot the bench back, allowing Leah to emerge from under the piano, and kneel in front of me.

"You stopped playing?" She says, gazing up at me, and carefully rolls the head of my dick between her thumb and forefinger.

"It's the only way I could get your attention," I lie, wrapping a stray clump of her hair around my aching hand, and pull her face closer to mine. "Why are you under there, anyway?"

"I saw it in a movie once, and thought I'd try it out," she sighs, fighting my pull, and looks down at my dick like she is admiring its beauty.

"How was it?" I run my thumb over her bottom lip and her tongue darts out. When it touches my skin, the feeling is electric.

"Like an orgasm set to music," she whispers, her lips brushing my thumb as she wraps my dick in a tight grip. "You should try it."

"Well, I guess I'll have to teach you to play so I can," I gasp, feeling dizzy, and struggle to not close my eyes.

Leah looks like a wild thing, her teeth surrounding my thumb, and her hand pumping my dick at a vicious pace. My hips are aching to move, my spine is starting to bow from the effort to stay seated. She has me, as she always does. I'm a mess of throbbing need for her every second of the day, all the time. Sometimes, I wonder if she even realizes it. There are times, though, when I see a look in her eyes, like she really sees me, and I think that she might just understand.

"Or you could give me an encore performance," she says, pushing the bench back even further to give her enough room to stand up, and closes the lid to the piano.

Taking her cue, I grab her by the waist, and lift her up onto the keyboard. I sit back down, and she frowns in confusion. Her disappointment transforms to delight when I bury my head between her legs and taste her. I gently lap at her pussy, relishing her familiar flavors—our taste. She's still wet from our last session, up against the wall of the entryway, after Angela left.

The memory is so fresh, and I can almost hear her moaning. Leah clawed at my back and cried out my name when I came inside her.

Her fingers are tangled in my hair, pulling me deeper into her body, and I'm so hard it hurts.

"Get down here," I gasp, leaning back, and pull her onto my lap.

Leah laughs, practically tumbling into my lap. Her hair covers us like a thick blanket, blocking out everything but her beautiful smile. She shifts above me, her hand on my dick, and with a soft grunt of satisfaction she sinks down over me. I grip the bench beneath me with one hand, using the other to hold her hip while she rides me. She tilts her head, arching her back, allowing me to sink even deeper inside.

The yellow-gold rays of the afternoon sun are framing her naked body. She is so captivating and entrancing, spread out before me like this. I simply cannot look away, even though the pleasure she sends through my body nearly overwhelm me. Leah is so strong; the sight and smell of her is breathtaking. She leans back toward me, pressing her lips against mine, and whispers my name.

Nothing in my life has ever felt so _right_. It seems strange that my feelings could already be this intense, especially since we've only been seeing each other for a little over a month, but I've known Leah for so much longer. I realize that I have always wanted her like this. As crazy as it sounds, somewhere, deep inside, I've always felt that we were meant to be together. When I'm here in this moment, with her in my arms, I can't deny it, and I don't want to try.

"Shit," she gasps, her body starting to tremble.

I know she must be close, so I move my hand between her legs, and rub her clit with my thumb. Her mouth opens while her body closes around me. The feel of her coming sets me off. I grab her shoulders, pulling her down on me, and come deep inside her with a grunt. She cries out, and spasms around me once again.

"You felt me come, didn't you?" I ask, unable to keep the shit-eating grin off my face.

"Yes," she moans, shuddering and pressing her face into my neck.

I kiss her hair, but Leah pulls away and disappears into the downstairs bathroom. She returns with a damp cloth and carefully cleans both of us up. I'm patient, waiting until she finishes before tossing the cloth aside, and then pick her up in my arms.

"Hey, I wasn't finished," Leah laughs, making a show of pouting.

I play my part, ignoring her weak protest while I carry her over to a pile of blankets on the floor. I laid it out after she complained that our bout of "wall sex" gave her a backache. As soon as Leah leans back into the thick comforter, she grabs a pillow and slams it into my face. I quickly yank it from her hand, and press it over her face to muffle her screams of protest. She loves to pick a fight, even when we're having fun. I briefly let her have her way, and then I end it. All it takes is my fingers slowly circling her slick clit to turn her screams of anger into cries of pleasure. I wait until she is gasping and writhing before lower my mouth to suck on her hard clit. Leah raises her hips, and I slip my fingers into her. I smile to myself while my fingers curl inside her, brushing her g-spot, and I lap at her clit with my tongue. In a matter of seconds, Leah is coming so hard that she is screaming while she beats the floor with her fists.

"Fuck, Edward! I need a break or I'm going to break a hip," she gasps, laughing and panting.

"Wimp," I reply, joining in her laughter, even as she weakly swats at me.

I collapse onto the blanket next to her, and bat her hand away so I can kiss her flushed cheek. She is so beautiful, even when she is covered in sweat and swearing at me like this. How I could have ever thought that my feelings for her were passing fancy is beyond me. Now that I have her, I can't imagine letting her go.

I watch her stretch out on blanket next to me, and I'm can't understand what Emmett was thinking when he broke up with Leah. He told me once that she wasn't the kind of girl to fuck around with, but then he went and did exactly that.

When Emmett told me that he wasn't seeing her anymore, I was shocked—I was sure that he would be telling me that they were engaged any day. Instead, he told me that things had changed between them a long time ago, and since he met someone new, he and Leah decided to be just friends. To this day, I don't understand how Leah could be friends with Rose.

I push the thought away, and allow myself to enjoy the feel of Leah's body curled up against my side. She whispers softly against my skin, pressing her lips against my neck and slides her hand along my cheek.

"You know how beautiful you are when you're being a smug fucker, don't you?" She sinks her teeth into my chin.

I groan in mixture of pain and desire, and roll her onto her back. She smiles up at me, and I suddenly feel my chest swell with... _love_. Emmett was right—Leah isn't the kind of girl you fuck around with; she's the kind of girl that you hold onto forever.

* * *

_Shit! Piss! Fuck! Cunt! Cocksucker! Motherfucker! TITS!_

Every thing was going so good; we were naked and fucking like rabbits on the living room floor. Then Edward just had to go and fuck it up. I chew my lip, readjusting the thick towel wrapped around me. This is ridiculous! I'm a grown woman. I shouldn't be freaking out this bad. I need to get the fuck over this irrational bullshit and deal with it. It's just a fucking dress.

I stare down at the black garment bag laid out across the maroon bedspread. I've been fighting back my panic ever since I got out of the shower and saw it sitting there, waiting for me. It is big and looks expensive, as much as a black fabric garment bag can look expensive. My hands itch to open it and take a peek at the dress inside, but my brain it telling me that I'm not ready to look at it yet.

I decide to open the ornately decorated shoebox instead. I flick the lid off, half expecting a snake to jump out to kill me. Not really, but after I take in the sight of the slender pumps that had to cost a small fortune. I kind of wish they were a snake. I can't do more than roll my eyes at the _Victoria's Secret_ bag. The last item on the bed is a small, turquoise blue bag with _Tiffany & Co._ printed in stark black letters on the side. I turn my back to the scene, feeling queasy and panicky. _What the fuck was Edward thinking?_

"Dinner is at seven," his voice cheerily calls up to me through the half open door.

"I'm not going!" I yell back, feeling like a kid having a tantrum.

"You lost. You _are_ going," he counters, without a hint of humor in his tone.

_Jerk!_

"That's not fair! It's Angela's fault that I made noise!"

_Okay, now I really sound like a fucking child_.

"Leah, you're going if I have to drag you to dinner in a fucking towel," Edward replies, and I hear something slam downstairs.

"Fuck!" I mutter, finally unzip the garment bag and yank out the dress to look at it.

My jaw drops a little as I realize what it looks like, and feel myself crumble. The neckline isn't exactly the same, but the cut is similar enough. The hem brushes the floor, and I immediately lift it up. I was ten years old when I first watched _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ with my mother. It was her favorite movie, and when I was a little girl there was no one I wanted to be more like than Holly Golightly.

I have no idea how Edward figured that out, because I don't think I've ever even mentioned the movie to him. When he laid out this stuff for tonight, he'd simply said: _"I picked up an outfit for you. I hope it fits."_

Leave it to that smooth motherfucker to find the perfect dress. His fashion sense is so uncanny, sometimes it's really hard to believe he's straight. I drop the towel, grab the hideous pink Victoria's Secret bag, and dump the contents onto the bed. Judging by what the bag contains, Edward is definitely straight. For a few seconds, I contemplate walking downstairs in the skimpy, see-through lace lingerie. It would serve him right for making me go to some fancy dinner.

In the end, I finally decide that I'll at least try on the dress. I can still leave it and go naked if he really pisses me off. It takes a little bit of struggling, but I finally slide on the dress and manage to get it zipped. I hesitate for a second, though I'm not sure why, and turn around to look in the full-length mirror.

I can't breathe.

* * *

The doorbell rings a little earlier than I had anticipated, but it shouldn't disrupt our plans too much. I open the door to the caterer and direct them through the house. They are quick, efficient, and disappear after I sign the receipt.

A few minutes after they depart Leah appears at the top of the staircase, looking like a vision in black. Her hair is swept up into an elaborate twist, with a few tendrils of hair left loose to frame her face. The pearl necklace and matching earrings shimmer against her dark skin. Simple, yet elegant; this is Leah to a tee.

"Who was that?" She says while fidgeting with the elbow length gloves and walking the rest of the way down the stairs.

"Who?" I can't stop staring at the way the fabric slides over her body as she moves, emphasizing her slim waist, and making her look even taller than normal.

She stops at the bottom of the stairs, continuing to fuss with her clothes, and tentatively touches her hair. Finally, she catches me watching her, and stares at me in confusion.

"Edward," she groans, placing her hand beneath my chin, and gently pushes my mouth closed. "You'd think you've never seen me in a dress before."

"I'm just shocked to see you smiling while wearing one," I attempt to cover my shock with a smirk, and run my palm along her waist.

"Shut up," she mumbles, turning her head to the side, but allowing me to kiss her cheek.

"You're so captivating," I sigh, leaning back to take in the sight of her again.

The corner of her mouth turns up as the color of her cheeks darkens, and she ducks her head down for a second.

"Stop staring." It's a whisper. She's wringing her hands and takes a deep breath.

"Stop being beautiful," I counter, putting my hand under her chin.

I slowly lift her face so she will look at me, and gently brush a stray strand of hair away from her eyes. It doesn't seem right for Leah to look this... _unsure_. Her teeth slide out over her bottom lip, the small movement and the shy expression on her face sends a shot of electricity through me.

Leah Clearwater is blushing like a young girl. Her eyes are glistening and her lips are slightly parted. She looks a little unsteady, and maybe even a little scared. I want to throw her down on the stairs, rip open her dress, and make her blush like this all over.

"Are you ready?" My hand trembles as I step back from her and offer her my arm.

"Uh...sure," Leah replies, sounding a little confused, and slides her arm around mine.

I promptly turn her around, enjoying the look of confusion on her face, as I lead her out toward the balcony. She looks shocked when I pull open the glass door, and gesture for her to step out.

"I thought we were going out for dinner," she says, walking through the doorway and steps out onto the deck.

"Well, I wasn't sure if you'd hold out and try to wear a towel, so I thought I'd play it safe," I reply. I close the door behind me and walk over to join her.

"Whoa," Leah whispers taking in the table and two towering lamp heaters. "It's warm out here."

"I figured the heaters would keep it at a comfortable temperature, but still allow us to enjoy the outdoors," I say, pulling her chair out for her and motion for her to sit down.

"Did you cook this?" She stares at the spread of steaming dishes as she takes her seat.

"No. I ordered out," I answer, lifting the silver dome off her plate to reveal her lobster and filet mignon.

"Of course," she mumbles, grabbing her napkin. I watch her struggle to untie it from its intricate swan shape.

"Here, let me," I say, taking it from her. I manage to unfold it easily. "There."

She takes the napkin from me and lays it across her lap without a word. As I take my own seat, I watch her start to fuss with her fork. While I'm intrigued by her sudden shyness, it's also a little unsettling. It isn't like her to be this skittish. Suddenly, it slips from her fingers and clatters against the edge of her plate. As the heavy fork hits the plate, a small piece of the porcelain chips off and falls onto the tablecloth.

"Shit!" She nearly jumps out of her chair, and looks so nervous.

"Relax, it's just a plate," I try to reassure her, leaning over to grab her gloved hand.

"I'm no good at this," she sighs heavily, moving her hand away, and pulling off the gloves with short, angry jerks.

"What do you mean?" I ask, capturing her face between my hands and force her to look at me.

"This," she gestures at herself, and then wildly around us. "All of this...glamour and shit."

Leah thinks the beach house is _glamorous_? Sure, it's nice, but it's nothing compared to the summer house in the Hamptons or the chateau in Normandy. While I find her observation funny, I'm not exactly sure why Leah looks so freaked out and frightened. I have to fight like hell to keep from laughing. It hurts me, but I manage to hold it in.

The memory of the night I spent on the reservation suddenly pops into my head. When I was playing Quarters with Seth, he explained that the tiny, two-bedroom trailer that he lived in was their childhood home. Seth explained a lot of things about Quileute pride, and specifically their father's opinions on people of privilege. People like... _me_.

" _Dad always says that if you don't earn something, you aren't capable of truly appreciating it. I don't know if I agree with him, but I can tell you that Leah believes it. I'm sure you've seen how she is about getting gifts. Trust me, she used to be worse. After Mom died, she refused to celebrate her birthday for two years, until Dad finally put his foot down."_

"Leah," I whisper, pressing my hand against my forehead while I try to figure out how to calm her down.

"No, Edward," she groans, and tosses the gloves onto the table. "I appreciate how you're trying to wine and dine me with the dress and all, but-"

"Wait!" I cut her off. I don't have time to be diplomatic. "First, I didn't buy you the dress. It's a gift from Esme and Alice. They want you to go to the hospital charity ball, but didn't want you to back out by claiming you have nothing to wear. I gave it to you mostly to piss off Alice by ruining her surprise."

That's mostly the truth. I also gave her the dress because I wanted her to wear it for this dinner, for me. At the time it had seemed like a good idea, but nothing ever works the way I think it should, at least not with Leah. She stares at me, looking a little shocked, but at least the anger is gone. So I continue, hoping to use her silence to my advantage.

"Do you know where I was originally planning to take you this weekend?" I lean back in my chair and fold my arms over my chest.

"The _Bahamas_ ," she mumbles, a look of disgust on her face.

"No! I was just teasing you with that," I say, allowing a small chuckle of annoyance to slip out before I continue. "I was going to take you to my cabin in Canada. It's as far removed from Whistler or any other resort up there as you can get. It doesn't even have electricity."

I smile, remembering how Demetri called me insane when I bought it, after I got hired at Volt. He doesn't understand what it meant to me, to own something of my own, even if it was just a broken down park ranger's cabin filled with raccoons. I bought it with my own money, without any help from Carlisle or Esme. I wanted to take Leah there, to show her all the work I've done to remodel it. Show her something that means a lot me. If only she had a passport, we would be huddling for warmth by the wood stove and not having this ridiculous argument.

Leah sighs, shifting in her chair like she is still trying to find a way to argue with me. I cut her off, putting up my hand.

"I promise no more _extravagance_ ," I concede, struggling to not roll my eyes as I say it. "If you agree to relax and try to fucking enjoy yourself."

Leah sits in silence, her breath coming in short huffs of frustration, but at least she is not trying to run away. I try to remain patient, while she continues to sit there, saying nothing. Finally, when I'm about to throw the whole meal in the trash and order a pizza, she shocks the hell out of me by opening her mouth.

"Okay," she says it so quickly that I'm not sure it actually happened, except that I see her picking up her fork once again.

I can still see the tension in her shoulders, but she _is_ stabbing at her lobster. It's a step, a small one, but at least it is something. With Leah, something like this is a fucking milestone. I smile to myself, and pick up my own fork.

"Good. Now, eat up! There are six more courses and I don't want them to get cold," I say, grabbing my knife and begin cutting into my steak.

"What?" She blinks for a second.

"I'm kidding," I laugh, while Leah mumbles something about my mother and an outhouse.

Despite her insult, I see her mouth turn up at the corners as she takes a bite of lobster. I watch her eyes close, and a look of pure rapture flows over her features. I know that all of our struggling and fighting is worth it to see her look so content. After all, it won't always be this hard.

* * *

"Shit, shit, SHIT!" I run into the bathroom, and practically tear off the dress.

My heel catches on the bottom of the skirt, and I nearly flatten myself out on the floor. After a short struggle, I manage to get the dress off, and carefully lay it out on the marble vanity. The smear of cream is already beginning to soak into the satin of the dress. I grab a hand towel, dampen a corner, and begin to gently blot the stain. I don't even want to think about how much money Esme and Alice spent on this dress.

_This is just perfect, great way to end the night, Clearwater._ I sigh, and carefully move the towel to a clean side to blot at the stain again. I keep dabbing at the stain, and it finally starts to disappear. My hands are shaking and my heart is pounding. I feel like a complete idiot. I've tried to do my part, to stay calm and enjoy tonight, like I promised Edward I would, but this is just another reminder of how fucking out of place I am here.

I should have known something was going to go wrong once I finally relaxed. I had finished my crème _brûlée._ I was commenting on how good it was when Edward reached across the table to offer me his spoon. I leaned forward to take it in my mouth, trying to be all seductive, and got a little too enthusiastic with my tongue. A little bit slipped from my mouth and dropped onto the dress, leaving a fucking snail trail that looked like a come stain.

I take a deep breath before I look at the dress, and let out a sigh of relief when I see nothing but damp, clean fabric in front of me. I blot it with the dry part of the towel, one last time before hanging it up over the top of shower wall.

"It's going to be alright," I whisper, not sure if I'm talking about the dress or myself.

"Were you able to salvage it?" Edward's voice draws my attention to the doorway.

He looks like something out of a fancy cologne commercial as he casually leans against the doorframe with two glasses of champagne in his hands. Unfortunately for him, that dopey look of shock that he had on his face earlier is back again. It's ruining the whole smooth operator thing he has going on—hard to look suave with your mouth hanging open like a wide-mouthed bass.

"What?" I look down at myself, and realize that I'm standing in my underwear. I'm wearing matched set of lacy, barely-there panties, a bra, a garter belt, and stockings. I suppose I look like something out of a racy Maxim photo shoot, except that my boobs are microscopic compared to most the girls they feature on the cover.

"I see everything fits," he says with an approving smirk, and recovers his dignity while taking a sip of his champagne

"Yes, I guess it does," I agree. Smoothing my hands over my hips, I pluck at one of the garters, letting it snap back against my skin.

It makes a loud cracking sound as it hits, and I gasp at the sharp sting. Edward's eyes widen and his nostril's flair in response. Sometimes, he is just too easy. I like this outfit; it feels more comfortable than the dress. It would be even better if I was naked. Edward is still staring, and I notice his pants look a little tighter in the front. _Excellent._

I turn my actions into a production as I walk over to take a glass from his hand. "I'm _so_ thirsty," I complain as I run my hand seductively over my throat.

I swivel on my heel, turning my back to him. I innocently take a sip and arch my back slightly, causing my ass to stick out. He makes a hilarious grunting sound, and steps forward to press his body along my back. I sigh, loving the feel of his suit against my barely covered skin. He chuckles softly, and sets down his glass on the counter in front of us. His hand is cool from holding the champagne, making me shiver as his fingers slide over my shoulder and up my neck.

I watch him in the mirror while I sip my champagne, and wonder what he plans to do. He breathes across the skin as his fingers slide into my hair. I love the look of concentration on his face as he gently pulls out every single bobby pin that I used to put up my hair. Edward takes his time, setting each thin black pin on the counter next to his glass. Piece by piece, my hair tumbles free, draping across my naked skin, releasing little bits of tension and stress from me as it falls. Edward combs his fingers through my hair, checking for any remaining pins. When he's satisfied that they are gone, he presses his lips against my earlobe.

"Better?" He asks in a husky tone, and places his hands over my hips, pressing his body against mine.

"Yes," I sigh, releasing a breath I hadn't realized I've been holding.

I don't know why this is easier, but it is. I'm glad that Edward promised to ditch all the silly romantic shit. We should be fucking, not having fancy dinners, or dressing up, or any of that shit. I'm not good at that.

"I… have something for you," his voice sounds different, hesitant.

"Edward, you said no more–!" I shake my head, trying to turn around, but he stops me with a strong hand on my shoulder.

"I know, but this is different," he insists, and raises his other hand in front of me.

A long, thin gold chain dangles from Edward's extended finger. I follow the trail of interlocking links to the small heart-shaped ruby, and my heart stops. It's a perfect replica of my mother's necklace.

"Try it on," he whispers, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

He looks so different than he did even an hour ago, when he was insisting that I 'fucking enjoy myself.' That was the Edward I know, the confident, cocky asshole. This Edward looks like a scared boy. He looks like he did at the funeral, and it's killing me. I unfasten the pearl necklace I'm presently wearing and set it down on the counter. Edward smiles in triumph.

"I tried to get it as close to the original as possible, but I was working from memory. I swear, I drove the jeweler nuts by insisting on watching him cut the ruby. " He rambles, as he tries to open the small clasp.

"It's perfect," I sigh, smoothing my hands over his, trying to stop his shaking.

He smiles at me nervously. I can see little beads of sweat on his upper lip. He finally opens the clasp, and I nearly cry with relief. I pull my hair back, and hold it out of the way as he fastens the necklace.

"There," he sighs, his cool hands run along my collarbone as he gently lets the feather-light chain lie against my skin. He pulls his hands away, but the necklace makes it feel like he is still touching me. I let my hair fall, and look at myself in the mirror. A shiver runs through me as I stare at my reflection. _I look like my mother._

"Do you like it?" Edward's voice is soft, but I can feel his expectations weigh down on me.

I pull my eyes away from my reflection, staring down at the bright red jewel resting against my skin. Despite its light weight, I can feel a cool spot where it touches me. Edward is watching me, I can feel it, but I have no clue what to say. How do I tell him that the heart-shaped jewel that he worked so hard to replicate was just a piece of glass?

"It's lovely, but-" I argue, shaking my head, but he gives me a look that makes me stop.

"I want to give you something..." he pauses, and looks down for a second, as if he is searching for the right word, before raising his eyes once again. "I want you to know how special you are... _to me_."

He sounds so vulnerable. I can feel his breath against my skin, but I can't bring myself to speak. The thought of hurting him, of telling him the truth about this necklace, is crippling. I can't possibly do that to him, so I just nod.

"Okay," I tell him, and it comes out in a choked whisper. I stare at the floor, unable to meet his eyes. I'm still having a hard time catching my breath, and my chest feels like it's caving in on itself.

"Thank you," his relief lightens the air in the room, but I still feel the necklace pulling me down. His gaze is burning me, but I'm too scared to look up at him. It's too much—the necklace, the sound of his voice. It feels like any minute I'm going to crack under the pressure of it all.

"Look at me," he sighs, tugging at my chin with his thumb and fore finger, forcing me to look at him.

Edward smiles at me, looking so calm and serene that my panic suddenly feels ridiculous. His hands slide along the sides of my face, but he doesn't speak. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out except air. His face is so close to mine that he is all I can see and smell. It feels like my heart is about to explode, and my throat is closing up. I can't feel my legs.

"I love you," he says in a hushed whisper against my lips.

I don't know what to say, not that it matters. Before I can do more than blink, Edward kisses me. Suddenly, everything else is gone, as though the earth has fallen away from beneath my feet. I cling to him, my nails digging into the soft fabric of suit. He breaks free, gasping for breath, but I immediately pull him back, and continue kissing him, afraid of what will happen if I let go.

He laughs against my lips and lifts me up. I can hear the sounds of smashing glass, but I refuse to turn my head. He sets me down on the cool surface of the counter, and I press my face against the safety of his collar. The significance of what he said, combined with the necklace on my skin, makes me dizzy. My eyes are sore, and my mouth is dry.

His hand is on my chin, lifting my face, and I find the courage to open my eyes. Edward has that same smile on his face, unaware that I'm fucking drowning. I manage to open my mouth, and try to speak again.

"I want you. Now," I plead, sounding more desperate than I intended, but I don't care.

Edward growls, and starts to kiss me again. I immediately work to unzip his pants, while he grabs hold of the front of my underwear. He mumbles an apology against my lips, and tugs. I feel the pull, hear the ripping, and I realize that I'm bare.

Edward gasps as I pull his dick free, and immediately press him against my wet pussy. I want this so bad, I'm ready to scream. He slides his hands under my thighs, pulling me closer, and we both gasp as he sinks into me.

The only thing I'm aware of is the feel of him inside me. I hold onto his shoulders while he moves us across the smooth surface of the counter. My body trembles with pleasure and my mind screams. Edward just watches me with that beautiful fucking smile. I gasp, riding the waves of delight that are burning through every part of me. I moan his name while tears slip from the corners of my eyes. He shifts his body while blinding me with his brilliant smile, and my body explodes just as he sinks deeper. I can't escape this overwhelming sensation. No matter how hard I try not to, I'm feel myself falling.

"Wait for me," he gasps. He quickens his pace, slamming into me, and all I can see is stars.

"I'll try," I groan through gritted teeth, and tense up my body, trying in vain to hold it off.

Each movement builds on top of the other, weighing me down. I struggle to breathe.

"Leah," Edward's panting; his frantic movements heighten my pleasure.

"Mm," I try to respond, but I can't focus. It's taking everything I have to fight off my climax.

"Now," he whispers against my ear.

I sink my nails into his back, as my orgasm shatters over me, and I cry out in relief.

* * *

My hands are shaking, and I can't make them stop. I shove them deep into my pockets, to cover my fear, and continue to walk down the long, narrow hallway. Someone runs past me, crying.

"Dad!" Seth screams, and throws himself into my father's arms.

I hurry over to them, thankful to see a familiar face, but they don't seem to see me. My father is too busy comforting Seth, while Auntie Ruth talks to him.

"Take care of him, Harrison," she commands my father with a wave of her hand, and then looks at me. "Come child."

A shiver runs through me, and I turn away, confused. I somehow understand all this; it's familiar in a way that shakes me to the bone. I'm in the hospital where we spent so many, _too many_ , days crying, worrying, and, eventually, grieving. Terror grips me at the sight of the all too familiar door. The plastic nameplate displaying the numbers 208. _I hate that number_.

"No!" I shake my head, and start to back away from the door.

"Get a hold of yourself, girl!" Auntie Ruth's sharp nails dig into my arms, making me flinch, as she pulls me around to see her scowling face.

"I don't want to go," I plead with her, but she just shakes her head.

"This is the business of dying. Happens to everyone, even the ones we love," she croaks, walking me toward the door, " best get used to it, or learn to stop caring."

"I'm not a little girl, you fucking harpy!" I yank my arm out of her grip, swiveling to face her, but she's gone. The hallway is empty, and I can feel something pull at the center of my chest. I know it's the door behind me. 208 is opening, and I can't stop myself as I turn to look inside.

My eyes can't seem to focus on the bed, but I'm kind glad; I'm not ready to see it. I turn to look around the room and immediately see a familiar head of neatly combed brown hair. The navy blue of his uniform shirt is like a welcoming beacon of hope. I can't stop myself from calling out.

"Uncle Charlie!" I scream, but my voice sounds childish.

He turns in his chair, arms open to catch me as I run into his waiting arms.

"Leah, you get taller every time I see you," he laughs and smiles at me, but I see a few tears slip from the corners of his eyes.

"That's silly, you just saw me yesterday," I tell him in an exasperated tone, while I shake my head and roll my eyes.

I want to ask him why he is crying, but the words don't come out.

"Of course, how silly of me!" He looks over my shoulder, at the bed, and somehow know that is why he is crying.

The grief is in his eyes, even as he smiles. Suddenly, my terror is back, tenfold. I know that I'm supposed to leave his arms now. That I should be standing to approach the bed, but I hesitate for a moment, trying to gather my courage.

"Hey, beautiful," the voice is familiar, but out of place in this memory.

A new horrifying fear grips me, as I stand and turn to look at the withered figure on the bed. His veins are like dark roots under his papery, thin skin. It's stretched tightly over his boney arms. The features of his face are shadowed and sunken, but still recognizable. Of course _, I_ would know him anywhere.

"Edward," I choke back a sob, and run to his side.

"Leah," he whispers my name, and reaches out his frail hand toward my face.

"No! No! NO!" I repeat it over and over, wishing this was some kind of a trick. "This is wrong. Not you. I can't..."

His fingers hover, a fraction of an inch from my cheek, but don't touch me. I can feel the pulling sensation in my chest, drawing me down to close the distance so I can feel his cool fingertips press against my skin. It's like the answer to a prayer, and a slap in the face, at the same time. This is Edward, and he is dying.

"Leah, please wa-" he chokes, and is thrown back against the bed.

Thick, black, rope-like tendrils coil around his body, tightening and constricting as they move. They're everywhere with a terrifying speed and quickly start to cover his face. I frantically pull on them, trying in vain to free him, but they're as hard as living stone beneath my hands.

"How long do you think you can run, little wolf?" Her croak is unmistakable.

"NO!" I scream in Auntie Ruth's face, but she only laughs at me.

She stares at me with black, pupil-less eyes, and her mouth is filled with jagged, needle-like teeth. It is her long black hair forming the tendrils that are constricting around Edward, and they continue to writhe around his body. I fight against their strangling hold, clawing uselessly, even as my nails split and bleed. Suddenly, a loud cracking sound erupts around me, like glass smashing against stone. As her laughter echoes, the black, wiry snake-hair withdraws. Edward's body lies shattered like jagged pieces of crystal as a fine cloud of dust fills the air.

"You were born Quileute, and you'll die Quileute!" Her icy voice hisses through the glittering air and I continue to scream, enraged.

I'm still screaming when I realize that I'm not in the hospital anymore. When my eyes fly open, the wall in front of me is tinted an angry shade of red, and panic seizes me again. I feel someone pressing against my side, and I flinch away.

"Leah!" Edward's voice startles me, and pushes back the haze of the dream.

His hands are on my face, turning my head, and I see dawn breaking outside the window. The new rays of the sun are painting the entire room in shades of red and orange. Relief fills me as I finally see Edward's beautiful face, but his expression of distress twists inside my chest. I reach out to touch his face, bathing in the comfort of feeling him-solid, whole, and _here._

"You were screaming," he speaks in shaky voice, and pulls me down to press his forehead against mine. "It was...I can't stand to hear you upset like that."

"It was just a dream," I reply, tears slip from the corners of my eyes.

The emotions from the dream must still be messing with my head. I can't seem to catch my breath. I can't bring myself to let go of Edward. I close my eyes and try to find my bearings, but the only thing that seems to help his the feel of his skin against mine. Edward gently caresses my cheeks with his fingers, wiping the tears away, and kisses my nose.

"I'm here," he whispers against my lips, the feel of his mouth over mine suddenly feels as essential as air.

I grab the back of his neck, pulling him down, and I open my mouth to him. Edward responds immediately, his tongue snaking out to meet mine. His hands grab at my hair as his body moves over mine. I need this, to chase away the fear and the foggy horrors of the dream that I can't even remember anymore. All I know is that I need Edward to fuck me.

"I need you," I can hear the desperate strain in my voice, as I kick the blanket out of the way.

I don't care how pathetic and needy I sound. It's more important to get Edward inside me. He moves quickly, shifting me between my legs, and pressing his cock against my pussy. I'm not nearly wet enough and my body is still aching from sex we had earlier, but I don't care. I dig my nails into his back and he responds by pushing into me as he growls. He doesn't get very deep before my body stops him. I barely notice the sting as I groan in frustration.

"Maybe we should-" I don't let Edward finish whatever he's going to say.

I push him off, and maneuver him to lie on his back. I take a quick second to get my mouth wet before I lower it over his hard cock. His gasp reverberates through his whole body, and I can't help but grin around his dick. I bob my head up and down, making sure to wriggle my tongue over him as I go. His hood slides easily as I take him deep in my throat—I feel him glide with the motion of my tongue.

"LEAH!" Edward cries out as the head of his cock hits the back of my throat.

I'd laugh if I didn't have his huge dick in my mouth. He's stretched out on his back, eyes closed, his hands fisted in the sheets. Edward's naked skin is smooth and flawless with the exception of a few dark moles scattered randomly across his stomach and chest. As I take my mouth off his dick, I can see the muscles in his jaw twitch and jump. His chest isn't moving, and I wonder if he's holding his breath. I allow the head of his dick to slip from my mouth with an audible "pop." His head snaps up, his eyes open and staring at me as I scramble to straddle his body.

"You should be ready now," I say, with a smirk, and lower myself over his wet cock.

He slides inside me slowly as I grip this slick skin of his chest and shift my hips. Edward groans, lifting his hips and I sigh with relief, as his dick sinks to the hilt. It feels so good.

"You're going to kill me," Edward gasps, his hand yanking on my hair.

His mouth is open, chest heaving beneath my hands, and he's got the most ridiculously large grin on his beautiful face. I can't look at him. Something about his smile brings back the fear from my dream, and I don't understand why.

"You say that like it's bad thing," I try to sound braver than I feel, and rock my hips.

Edward moans low and moves against me. I push on his chest, and start to move over his dick with purpose. It feels so good that I almost can't control myself. I lean forward, getting more leverage so I can slam my hips down. My body is tightening and trembling. I can feel my orgasm building, and I pick up the pace, frantic to feel the relief I so badly need and want.

"Wait," Edward's plea barely registers as I continue to move.

Strong hands grip my hips, forcing me to stop. I open my eyes, leaning back away from Edward's concerned look, and try to claw away his hands. I'm so close.

"No!" I need to come, but he holds me in place.

"Leah," he whispers, and presses his hand against my cheek.

He wraps his arm around my waist while his other hand takes hold of my neck, his fingers digging into my skin. I stiffen in his grasp, and try to look away. I'm filled with dread at the thought of having to look him in the eyes right now.

"Look at me!" Edward tightens his grip on my neck, forcing me to look down at him.

The concern is back full force, and a sickening twist of guilt turns my stomach. The tears return, streaming down my face. I don't know what to do with this deep ache. It feels like my chest is about to cave in. I can't breathe. When I finally open my mouth, all that comes out is choking sob. My whole body shakes with the effort to let it out.

Edward cradles my face, keeping my gaze on him, and doesn't even flinch as I continue to cry. In fact, he has the craziest, most serene look on his face, not a hint of fear in his bright green eyes. He wipes away my tears, kisses my cheeks softly, and continues to fucking smile.

"It's going to be okay," he whispers, and brushes his lips against mine.

I gently push him back, taking a shaky breath, and look at him. His hair is a sweaty mess; a big clump is plastered against his forehead. He looks different, somehow—younger, maybe? I can't put my finger on what has changed, but I can feel it. Like the ache I feel has eased slightly, as I keep breathing. I shift forward, smoothing my hands over his face, and feel him twitch inside me.

I gasp and he closes his eyes, biting his bottom lip. A flush of rosy pink tints his cheeks, and I have the sudden urge to bite him. I lean back, enjoying the slow stretch of his cock shifting inside me, and the way his eyes fly open when he feels it, too. He hums low, like a deep rumbling that vibrates through his body and into mine. I watch his expression shift from surprise to intense concentration. I sigh, letting the feeling overtake me. He wraps his arms around my waist in response, while I raise my hips for him. I revel in the feeling of how deep he is. I like the way he looks right now, his focus. The entire fucking house could come crashing down on top of us right now, and I know his eyes would never leave me.

"Come back to me." He says it with such sincerity, his arms tightening around my waist, pulling me toward him.

He draws me in close, his hands wrapping around my shoulders. I wrap my legs around his waist, allowing him to pull me down onto his cock with more force, and I can't help but gasp when our flesh slaps together. Edward's teeth are dragging over my neck, and his nails are pressing into my skin. These enticing little pains mix with the overwhelming pleasure of his dick moving inside of me, and I feel the itching build of the orgasm only seconds before it hits me.

"Edwww-" I'm cut off by my own low moan of pleasure.

He holds me still, hands cradling my face, as his body continues to move inside me. I'm still shaking when he finally eases me down to the mattress, and pulls out of me. He lies down beside me, and continues to smile at me, while I try to remember how to speak.

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispers, and kisses my nose.

We're in this perfect pool of sunlight, Edward's naked body beside mine. His pale skin glistens next to my own dark skin. He turns his head to look at me, and I notice that his eyes are so green, they're practically glowing. The sun is lighting up the tips of his copper hair, and his skin is a pale, milky peach color. He looks like some mythical creature, a magical man that entrances women with his beauty. He is perfect.

Everything about this is perfect, with one exception. I touch the necklace that still hangs around my neck. The stone is warm from my body heat. It feels solid, but the chain still seems as delicate as a thread of silk. I gently readjust it, nervous that if I move too fast, it might snap. As I move my hand away from the necklace, I think about how Seth was right. When I was little, I _had_ hoped to have Mom's necklace, but that isn't all—I wanted a love like my parents had, too. I dreamed of a man who would love me enough to give me his whole heart. Now that I actually have the man I dreamed about, I'm terrified.

"Hey," he sighs, scooting across the mattress to wrap his arm around me. He gently combs his fingers through my hair. "What's wrong?"

He gazes down at me with such affection—no, _love_ —in his eyes. The sight only scares me more. In all the time I've known Edward, I've never seen him so... _happy_.

"Just not used to...this," I reply in a flat voice, wishing I could contain the panic that's sweeping through me.

"I know," he laughs softly, shaking his head a little as he does it and continues to smile at me.

He doesn't. How could he? Edward doesn't know me, not really, and there's no way that he's going to understand.

* * *

It's eight o'clock in the fucking morning on a Sunday. There is only one person in the entire world that I will wake up this early to see. _Bella._ A ridiculous thrill runs through me as I think about her; in less than thirty minutes, I'm going to see her for the first time in years.

Seth called me last night to deliver the news. Bella was flying in a week early to surprise Leah, and she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. I did my best not to sound like an overexcited puppy when I told Seth that it was no problem. He still laughed, in the knowing way that he does, and read off her flight information. I thought I was going to escape without getting a ration of shit, but just as we were saying our good byes, he had to add in a _knock her dead, Tiger._ Seth is such a fucker, I love the shit out of him, but I am so going to punch him in the gut the next time I see him.

His little taunt has done nothing to dampen my enthusiasm. I barely slept a wink last night, which sucked ass, because Embry had passed out early. He was still hung over from our traditional Friday night bar-hopping. Poor guy is still a minor leaguer when it comes to drinking. I spent most of the night playing Halo, and trying to not mentally retrace every single moment I've ever spent with Bella.

Now it's ass-crack of dawn early. I'm trying to keep the Rabbit from going off the road while I practice what I'm going to say when I see her. I run through a few thousand Rico Suave lines from the parking garage to the baggage claim. I check the giant monitor and see that her flight landed already. As I jog over to the baggage carousel, I scan the crowd for her long brown curls, and panic starts to make my palms sweat.

When I finally catch sight of her, I completely forget every single line I rehearsed. She is even more beautiful than I remember. Her dark hair is laying in big, lazy curls that dangle off the edge of her shoulders, and her full lips are glistening like juicy cherries. I peel my eyes from her face, and take in her body. It's been almost six years since I've seen her, and...Whoa! Bella's got boobs!

She is wearing a baggy cardigan sweater over her little flowery sundress in an obvious attempt to cover them up, but there is no hiding that magnificent cleavage. I force myself to tear my eyes off her body, and notice that she is standing next two giant suitcases that are covered in duct tape and Scooby Doo stickers. I sent those stickers to her as a birthday present years ago, and I'm stunned that she still has them. She glances at me, but quickly looks away, like she is embarrassed or something, which makes no sense. Why would Bella be awkward about seeing me? She knows I'm coming to pick her up. I start to freak out, wondering if Seth said something to her about my stupid crush, but quickly dismiss the idea. Seth may tease me, but he'd never humiliate me like that. Or at least I don't think he would.

After she glances at me a few more times, I see her blush, and it dawns on me: _She doesn't recognize me_. We haven't seen each other since I was a scrawny little ankle-biter. Bella's probably expecting a short, skinny punk, like Embry. In the meantime, I turned into six foot three me with a pair of twelve inch biceps. Yeah, I work out, and right now I am so fucking thankful that I do. Confidence pours back into me as I walk over to her, and catch her take another covert look at my crotch. _Bella Swan is checking out my package_! Hallelujah, Amen and Fuck YEAH!

"You need a ride, Gorgeous?" It flows out of my mouth as smooth as silk, but it still sounds like the cheesiest fucking thing I've ever uttered in my life.

"Uhh," she gapes, her eyes widening as her mouth hangs open for a second, and her face turns a very bright crimson red.

"It's Jake," I say, smiling, and hoping like hell that she doesn't slap me for the cheesy pick up line.

I see a glimmer of recognition, and then nothing but relief in her face.

"Jakie?" She screams it, and jumps into my arms.

As I hold her against my body, I can't be sure whether I'm happy or want to kill myself. I'm totally stoked to have her so close to me, but _Jakie_? Fuck. I'm still Jakie, and I will be forever.

"It's great to see you Bells," I whisper into her hair, and try to keep the disappointment out of my voice.


	26. Confessions

_"It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways."_

_Buddah_

"There are only three hundred and twenty of us left," Auntie Ruth croaked, as she stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray. "Our numbers are dwindling more with every passing year. It hurts us when our young ones leave, but to not have a single child baring the name of Black in La Push..."

"Why don't you call the twins and bitch at them? Better yet, call Jacob and ask him to come back," I pointed out, waving away the smoke she'd just blown in my face.

"The twins are lost to us, and have been since their mother died. Those selfish brats are no kind of role models and you know it," she sighed, pulling another cigarette out of her crumpled pack. She lit it before continuing. "Besides, Jacob dotes on you like you're his mother. He will never come home without you."

"I have to uproot my life just so you can have your precious heir to the Black name?" I leaned back in my chair and folded my arms over my chest.

"Damn it, girl! Will you unplug your ears and listen to me for once in your life!" She slammed her palm on the card table, and I watched as a stack of papers went tumbling to the floor. "If we are to have any sort of a future as a people, we need ALL of our children at home! Not just to keep our traditions alive, but to bear future generations."

"I have no interest in getting knocked up to save the tribe," I argued, scooting my chair back, and starting to stand.

"Better you do it for us than for that white boy," she countered, scowling at me through a cloud of smoke.

"I'm not listening to this." I turned my back on her, and reached for the doorknob.

"You'll listen, if only to save yourself from making the same mistake your mother made." I could hear the smile in her voice, and hated her for it.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, not turning around.

"You _know_ what I'm talking about. Who do you think told Jacob the story? I'm sure he said it was his father, but I told him to say that. I knew that if you'd heard it was from me, you wouldn't believe it." Her scratchy laugh grated my nerves.

"And I don't!" I yelled, turning around to plant my palms on the edge of the table. "I'm sick and tired of your stories, and your lies!"

She smiled at me, and took a long drag on her cigarette.

"It's not a lie, child. You ask Charlie Swan why he spent three months in the hospital—why your father put him there," she smiled as smoke slipped between her yellow teeth. "Your mother came to her senses quick enough, and you arrived shortly after she re-committed herself to our people, just as it should have been."

"I'm not going to ask him anything, you bitter old harpy!" I growled, pushing off the table, and staring down at her, trying to look imposing.

"Fine, when your white boy ends up in the hospital, remember that I tried to reason with you," she coughed, and smiled up at me. "Paul and Jacob will protect you, even if you don't have the sense to do it for yourself."

"If anything happens to Edward, I will fucking kill you," I hissed down at her, and slapped her ashtray, sending it smashing against the wall.

"How long do you think you can run, little girl? Do not disgrace you mother's memory any more than you have already! Your people NEED you! " I could still hear her screaming at me after the trailer door slammed behind me.

"Fuck you!" I screamed, and stomped my way down her stairs

I picked up one of her stupid flowerpots, and smashed it against her closed door. It's not like there was anything to her threats. I could handle Paul and Jake. Still, the thought of Edward injured or hurt because of me scared the shit out of me.

"Are you okay?" Edward leans over to rub the back of his hand over my arm, startling me out of the disturbing memory.

"It's chilly," I reply with a weak smile, and wrap my arms around my legs.

"You should have said something," he says, immediately turning to fiddle with the heating controls on the dashboard.

"It's fine," I sigh, wishing I'd come up with a better lie.

"That should help," he says, as hot air blasts into my face.

"Thanks," I whisper, leaning my chin on my knees and try suppressing the urge throw myself out of the car's window.

How did things get this out of control? Why didn't I see it coming? How am I going to fix it?

Maybe if I hadn't fucked it up from the beginning, things might have been different. If I had been brave, and broke up with Emmett before things went wrong. Perhaps when I met Edward, if I hadn't been so blinded by him. I wish could turn back time, but I can't.

Auntie Ruth asked how long I thought I could keep running. Well, I think to myself, I've just run out of road; it's time for me to stop running. I need to make things right, starting with Edward.

* * *

"Is it always so rainy here?" It has to be the dumbest question in the history of all stupid questions, but I'm having a hard time thinking straight right now.

Jake grabs the stick shift, his muscular arm flexing, and I see his veins pop out. He shoves it into gear, and the whole car jerks and shudders a little before accelerating. It feels like it's a million degrees in here, but I know it's only me, and my twisted, perverted thoughts.

"Well, it _is_ Seattle," he replies with a gleaming smile, and _dear sweet baby jesus_ , a wink.

I laugh a little too loudly and cross my legs, trying in vain to get comfortable. I tug on my cardigan to create the illusion that there is some extra room over my tits, hoping to god that my nipples aren't showing through the thick wool. I could cut glass with these puppies right now.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

This is just Jacob Black, Leah's cousin; he's been like a little brother to me for most of my life. True, I haven't seen him since he was sixteen. Back then, he was so sweet, always wearing his braids and sporting that perfectly dimpled smile. I can't believe I was waiting for that same kid to pick me up at the airport. It never occurred to me that Jacob, my little _Jakie_ , would ever grow up.

I certainly didn't expect him to turn into the Quileute version of a hipster supermodel. When he walked up to me, I was sure it was a joke. I'd spotted him a few minutes earlier and tried not to stare, but I couldn't help myself. I mean, how often do you see a seriously hot guy in person? Of course they're all over on TV and in the movies. But walking up to someone like me at the airport? That just doesn't happen. _Ever._

When I spotted him, I stole a few quick glances to secure a good mental image for later use, in private. Then he stared right at me, so unexpectedly, and I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. I was stunned beyond speech and nearly swallowed my tongue when he walked up to talk to me and revealed who he was. My embarrassment became suddenly compounded when I realized that I'd been ogling my surrogate little brother. As I hugged him, I silently prayed that he hadn't noticed.

So far, it seems like I'm in the clear; he's been acting totally cool with me. Now, if I can just keep my eyes off him, I should be fine.

"Is Leah at the apartment? She still doesn't know I'm here yet, right?" I say it so fast it barely sounds like English.

I glance over at Jake, trying to hide my flush of embarrassment behind my hair. He smiles back at me, and his adorable little boy dimples look so natural on his stubble-covered cheeks.

_Yeah, definitely not sixteen anymore._

"Not sure. I couldn't get a hold of her last night, but I still have my key. I'll let you in," he says, giving me a sideways glance. "I can stay with you if she's not there," he hesitates. "I mean, if you want me to."

"I guess that would be okay," I say with a casual shrug, and turn my head away to stare out my window. I almost believe my own nonchalance.

It looks like we're passing through downtown. It's been so long since I've been home, I can't be sure. _Home_. _Seattle is home now,_ I remind myself.

I'm minutes from seeing and touching Leah. The thought makes my heart swell in my chest. I lean back in my seat and exhale, feeling relaxed for the first time in I don't know how long.

* * *

Leah shifts, sitting up in her seat as I pull into an empty space a half a block from her apartment. She seems so eager to leave, but I need to draw out our time together.

"Hey," I sigh, grabbing her hand and pulling her into my arms. "What's the rush?"

She stiffens for a second, before relaxing into me. I take a deep breath, savoring the smell of my vanilla shampoo in her hair. It feels like she's part of me already.

"Aren't you supposed to take your mother to church?"she breathes against my collarbone. Pressing her palm against my chest, I feel her body heat seeps through to my skin, warming me.

"I canceled," I answer. I gently kiss her hair and pull her in closer to me. "I can come up."

My voice rise at the end of the sentence, making it more of a question than an offer. She has to know how hard it is for me to leave her, right? I can feel her hesitation in the way she keeps pressing her cheek against my chest, and takes deep breaths before finally answering.

"Later," she sighs, shifting back into her seat. She turns her face before I can touch her cheek with my hand. "I've got… _stuff_..."

She sounds almost sad. I grab her wrist and try to pull her back. Leah resists, her tension returning, and it suddenly changes her posture.

"I can help you bring up the bags," I offer, loosening my grip on her arm, allowing her slip free from my grasp.

"No!" Leah's voice is so loud that it seems to echo in the tight confines of my car.

"Okay," I relent, letting my hand drop to my lap. "I'll just call you later."

"No," she says once again. This time, it is softer, with a hint of a sob in it. "I can't do this."

A shot of ice runs through my entire body as I stare at her, incredulous. I notice that she's gripping the door handle so hard, her knuckles are white, but I can't see her face; her hair is blocking my view. I don't understand what she is talking about.

"What do you mean?" I try to sound casual, hoping that she is just freaking out over something inconsequential.

"This...you and me. I can't do this. Not anymore," her voice sounds strained. I watch as she lifts her to her face and it disappears beneath her thick, beautiful hair.

She makes another soft, wet sound, and I know that she is crying. I don't understand. None of this makes any sense. Everything was fine a minute ago. What changed?

"What are you talking about?" I reach out to brush her hair away from her face.

"Don't! Please!" She jerks back and turns her face toward her window. "You're only making it worse," she sobs, and I wish to god I knew what to do to make her stop.

"I'm not trying to..."

My voice dies in my throat, as I realize what's happening.

Part of me refuses to believe that this is happening... _again_. It can't be. Leah is nothing like Tanya.

"I know," she sniffs loudly, finally turning around to face me. "It's _my_ fault. It's all my fault."

Her face is streaked with tears; her eyes are wide and shining. I've only seen her this upset once before, when we went to La Push. The sight of her pain is tearing me up inside—it's almost as bad as what she's saying.

"Leah, please calm down. We can figure this out," I plead, curling my hands into fists to keep from touching her.

"No, we can't! I should have never let it get this far. It's just that I didn't realize... I thought that it was..." she pauses, exhaling deeply, as if she had been holding her breath. "Shit! I can't do this!" she slams her shoulder into the car door, practically falling to the ground as it opens.

"WAIT!" I yell, jumping out of my own door, not even bothering to look at the traffic.

I can hear the screeching of tires, and the honking of horns, but I don't even bother to turn around. All I can focus on as I run around the car is Leah.

_Leah._

"No!" she shakes her head while struggling to yank her bag out of the back seat of the car. "It's better to stop it now."

That makes me angry, because it's a lie. This is about a million light years from _better_. She knows that—if she doesn't, I _have_ to make her see.

"Better? How?" I grab the handle of her bag, forcing her to look at me. "Don't do this!"

She looks up at me through her hair and tears. The pain in my chest doubles at the sight of her agony. What's worse is that I don't just see it, I _feel_ it—this is killing her just as much as it is me. I pull her closer, and brush her hair away from her face.

"You feel the same way that I do, even if you didn't say it. I know you do," my words spill from my mouth with a rush of air and desperation, willing her to believe me. " _Please_..."

My voice cracks, and my heart pounds in my ear. It's like I can't catch my breath. Leah finally closes her eyes and shakes her head as a few more tears slip down her cheeks.

"I can't!" It's a pained whisper.

"Stop saying that!" I yell, crazed, frantically trying to turn this around.

This can't be happening! I can't let her go. I finally have her, after all this time. I'm going to be sick.

"I'm sorry," her words are tinged with so much remorse and finality.

She yanks the bag from my grasp and begins to walk away. I panic, desperate to keep her with me. My mouth opens, and I can't stop myself from saying it.

"I've been in love with you since the first moment I laid eyes on you!" My voice carries over the sound of the passing cars, and she stops in her tracks.

The weight in my chest lifts as I run to her side. Leah's bags are on the ground at her feet, and her hands are covering her face. I take it as a sign of victory, touching her shoulder.

_It's going to be okay._

"Edward, please don't," she pleads, shrugging off my hand. "You don't understand. I get that, and I wish that I could explain, but—"

"Okay, so explain it to me. Now. We can figure this out," I reassure her. I want to touch her, so badly.

"There's no figuring it out. I can't be with you. We can't—we shouldn't—be together, ever!" she practically yells that last word. I watch her wipe the tears from her face with a look of absolute determination.

"Why?" It slips out. I don't have anything left to say; she just stabbed me in the heart.

Leah looks up at me, her face a mask of pity. The sight makes me angry. She tries to touch me, but it's my turn to step back.

"Please understand… if I had realized it would get this far…" she sighs, lowering her eyes. A look of guilt blooms over her face. "I wish I could take it all back, but I can't."

As she continues to ramble, I begin to understand what she means. The realization stings me further, if that's even possible. It's so simple; I'm so stupid. I should have seen it back when we were in La Push.

"You mean you can't be with me because I'm not like you? Not Quileute, right?" I sound so bitter as I say it, but I can't help myself.

I can feel the shot of ice cut through me once again, as her expression darkens and she slowly nods. I take a deep breath, trying to fully grasp that everything that I had believed was just smoke and mirrors. I can't accept that this is my new reality—it doesn't fit, it's like a big farce. This isn't who I thought Leah was, but then again, I've been wrong before.

"I'm sorry," she says once again, her head pointed toward the ground.

"You should be," is all I can manage to say as I walk away. Every single step is like a death knell.

* * *

Every single step that Edward takes away from me, feels like someone is stabbing me in the chest. I remind myself that I'm the one holding the fucking knife. My chest aches, like there's a gaping hole where my heart used to be; I tore it out.I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I tell myself once again that this is the right thing, even though it hurts like hell.

_I've been in love with you since the first moment I laid eyes on you!_

Edward's confession echoes over and over inside my head. It was hard enough hearing him say that he loves me, but this makes it so much fucking worse. After everything I've said and done to him, to know that he loved me— _the whole time_.

I can still see his face, his look of hurt and disappointment, as he accepted my pathetic lie. It threw me off when he brought up the issue of not being Quileute, but I'm so thankful he did. It kills me to appear to be a hypocritical jackass like Embry, but it's what Edward needed in order to let me go. He sure didn't make it easy, but then again, _nothing_ with Edward has been easy. Letting go of him sure as hell wasn't.

It's taking every ounce of self-control I have to not turn around and chase him down. There is nothing I want more in the world than to be back in the beach house, lying in bed, hearing him tell me that he loves me one more time. My chest feels like it's full of lead and it's getting harder to breathe with every passing second.

I want to say that I never saw it coming, but that would be a lie. Looking back now, I can see all the little signs. Even when I was in complete denial, I could still acknowledge that Edward and I had a strange kind of friendship. I remember the first time I realized that there was a lot more to Edward Cullen than the arrogant asshole that I knew and loved to hate.

It was on, or around, Jasper's birthday; he was always so damn tight-lipped about the exact date. We only knew it was some time in April. We didn't even try to figure out how old he was. He loved to make sure that we all knew he was older than us. _Got to love that mysterious fucker._

We were at a club, and Jasper took over the whole back end of the table. He had his feet kicked up and a crumpled, dusty fedora tipped on the side of his head. Emmett had found it under the seat of one of his dad's old cars, and brought it as a present. Alice nearly fainted when Jasper shook a bunch of rat turds out of it and popped it on his head, wearing it like it was a crown.

I left Alice to pout in the corner with Rose, heading over to the bar to buy a round of shots. Emmett and Edward were already standing in line, discussing something. I didn't feel like butting in on their conversation, so I stood next to Emmett, taking in the crowd around us. There were two heavily made-up girls at a table nearby, giving us the bitch-face pretty hard. I wondered if they might be leftovers from one of my many drunken bar fights; I barely remembered most of them. It was certainly possible; they looked prissy and bitchy enough to make me want to put my fist in their faces.

"Looks like trouble," I said, nudging Emmett's elbow.

He immediately shifted and stood in front of me, like the protective idiot that he is. He tapped Edward's shoulder, nodding his head toward the girls. I shoved my way in between them, swearing and swatting at Emmett. When I felt Edward's hand on my other arm, I turned to look at him.

"This one's mine," he sighed, stepping forward as one of the girls left the table to stomp toward us.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" her voice was shrill as she screeched at Edward, waving her fake nails in front of his face.

"Calm down, Mallory," Edward replied with a mixture of boredom on his face and annoyance in his voice.

"It's VALERIE! You'd think you could at least remember my name, even if you couldn't remember to me call back!" she sneered. Her hand was up, and she was lunging, ready to hit him.

I knew that Carlisle had taught his sons to NEVER raise a hand in violence toward a woman, even if she was hurting them. Emmett once told me the story about a crazy ex-girlfriend, the one who ended up stabbing him in the hand with a fork. When she followed the stabbing with an attempt to punch him, he grabbed her wrist to block her, accidentally spraining it. He told me how guilty he felt afterward, and it wasn't even his fault. I hate bitches like that, the ones who take advantage of kind, good men.

I was about to step forward out of instinct; I couldn't help myself. In the end, it didn't matter—I didn't even have to move. Edward stepped forward, caught her arm in mid-lunge, and pulled her in close.

"We aren't dating; we fucked. ONCE," he hissed in her face in a low, menacing tone. "I told you up front that I wasn't interested in a relationship, and I asked very politely for you to stop calling me! Now leave before you embarrass yourself even more."

The look on her face was priceless. I almost laughed, but I held it in, allowing the rest of the scene to play out slowly. Valerie looked like a pink blowfish as Edward let go of her wrist. While she continued to stare at him, he stepped up to the bar and started his order. Emmett sighed heavily and walked up to join him. Valerie's friend started to pull her away, murmuring some comforting shit. I joined the guys at the bar.

"No!"

Her snotty scream made me turn around, and that's when I saw the beer bottle in her hand.

She was charging forward, an angry scowl on her mascara-streaked face, and the bottle clenched tightly in her fist. I don't know where the fuck she got it from; it didn't really matter. She had made my night, or at least she was about to—I loved shit like this. I'm not sure if I smiled, but I do know that I yelled, "It is on!" like a drunken jackass.

"No, Leah! Don't!" I barely registered Edward's warning as I launched myself at the dumb bitch.

I felt my fist collide with her face and heard the satisfying "oomph" come out of her, but after that, my memory of the fight becomes a little foggy. I remember hearing screams and feeling a sharp pain explode over the top of my head. After that, everything went blank. When I regained consciousness, I was in the E.R. and Dr. Cullen was in the middle of stitching up my scalp. The whole gang was there, even Edward. While the others looked relieved, and even chuckled when Emmett jokingly called me a warrior princess, Edward sulked in the back of the room.

Dr. Cullen made me stay overnight for observation to make sure I didn't have a concussion. As everybody filed out of the room, waving goodbye, Edward hung back.

He was standing at the door, his hand on the doorknob, but he didn't move. He looked like he was going to throw up or scream. I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with either option, but it didn't look like I was going to have a choice.

"What crawled up your ass?" I finally asked in a snotty tone, ignoring the pain that vibrated through my skull as I spoke.

"That was fucking stupid," he sneered, pulling his hand from the handle and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious," I snort, my head throbbing.

I reached over, trying to grab my cup of water, and promptly knocked it on the floor.

"Then why did you do it?" He stomped across the room to the side of my bed, and picked up the cup. "If that bottle was an inch lower, you could have lost your eye. It could have severed a major blood vessel..."

He continued to mumble, throwing the cup in the trash, and grabbed a fresh one from the stack that the nurse left. Despite the angry look on his face, he was very careful as he poured a fresh cup and held it out to me.

"I guess I'm lucky it didn't," I said with a smirk, and took the cup from him.

"She wasn't worth it," he sighed, and combed his fingers through his hair again, which was starting to annoy me.

"You can say that again," I chuckled, and sipped my water, wishing that it didn't hurt to laugh.

"Don't ever do that again!" he glared at me, like a he was my dad or something.

Before I could respond, he was already storming out of the room, the door closing quietly behind him. I smiled, and raised my glass.

"I love you too," I told the closed door, chuckling at my stupid joke, and went back to drinking my water.

It's funny how the truth sometimes spills out of your mouth, long before you ever realize that it's true. At the time, of course, I thought I was just poking fun at how Edward couldn't come out and tell me he was concerned; we didn't really talk about _anything_. I always believed that Edward and I had an unspoken agreement—despite the fact that we hated each other, we were still part of the same team. It allowed me to treat him like a friend, while still operating under the belief that that Edward was a dick.

No matter what silent agreement we had, in my mind he was still Edward fucking Cullen. Emmett's spoiled, man whore little brother, someone who wielded his good looks and intelligence like a weapon. He was always the cold, calculated prick who argued with me about _everything._ Most importantly, I was sure that Edward despised me.

Edward played the part well, making it easy for me to over look how he always treated me like I was part of his family. I continued to ignore everything Edward did that contradicted my image of him. The first night that we slept together, I expected him to leave as soon as we finished fucking. Even though he didn't, I kept telling myself that eventually, he would. No matter what he did, I had some counter argument lined up in my head to reassure myself that Edward was a jerk.

I was absolutely convinced that Edward was _that_ guy. I liked him that way, because it made it easier for me to fool myself. I channeled all my hate and anger at him, instead of where it belonged... on myself. Edward isn't a selfish asshole; I am.

" _What the fuck are you talking about?" I was yelling, my voice echoing through the stadium's parking garage._

" _Rose asked me out," Emmett repeated, looking tired and frustrated._

_Recently, I told him I wanted to see other people, because he'd been pressuring me to move in; I knew it was only a matter of time before he started talking about marriage. It was like Sam all over again, and I just didn't want to keep repeating the same mistakes. One of the things I loved about being with Emmett is that I had some much freedom and space. He never pushed me, never asked too much, and let me run all over him. You could barely say it was a break up,because we were still sleeping together. It's not like I was interested in fucking anyone else. Well, at least not any other guys._

" _I can't fucking believe this," I groaned, turning my back to him, and rested my forehead on the side of my truck._

_I briefly contemplated slamming my forehead through the glass, but dismissed it quickly. Emmett would only blame himself for my actions, like he did for everything that I did wrong. I had already hurt him so much; I just couldn't keep doing it anymore._

" _Leah, I'm sorry. I know how you feel about her," Emmett sighed, putting his hand on my shoulder, and I felt like even more of an ass._

_Great. That's just perfect. My ex-boyfriend is throwing me a pity party, because the girl I dumped him for wants to date him. Fucking story of my life. Classic Clearwater._

_Serves me right for stringing Emmett along; I was so selfish. I knew from the first time that he asked me to his parents' house that he wanted more from our relationship. Emmett spoiled me with love, attention and great sex. He let me sleep with women, he even let me date other people. He gave me so much, but when I turned around to let him hug me, I couldn't feel anything but friendship. I did love him, I'm just wasn't_ in _love with him. Just like Sam._

" _So, what did you tell her?" I tried to say it without sniffling, failing completely._

" _Jesus, Leah," he complained, tilting my head up to so he could look me in the eye, and cradled my face in hands. "I turned her down. I'd never do that to you."_

_I looked at his beautiful face; I knew that even now, after everything I'd done to him, I could still have him. I could claim him as mine alone, but it would be wrong. I had been selfish enough._

" _You'd better do it or I'll break your dick," I warned, giving him an encouraging smile._

_He started to protest, shaking his head, but I could see it in his eyes. Hell, I saw it when I introduced him to Rose at the Seahawks game. He liked her. If Rose had the courage_ _to ask him ou_ _t_ _–after everything she'd been through—I knew it meant that she liked him a lot, too._ _If they could find happiness together, I wasn't going to stand in their way. Not anymore._

" _Just promise me that when you guys fall madly in love and get married, you won't force me to be a damn bridesmaid. You know how I hate to get dressed up," I grumbled. I made sure to give him a wink so that he knew I was okay._

_He looked at me for a long time before finally pulling me into a strangling bear hug._

" _You got it, kid," his answered, his voice sounding strained._

When I started seeing Emmett, I knew in my gut that he wanted a real relationship. For whatever reason, I chose to believe him when he said he was fine with whatever we had. When he finally tried to push for more, I dumped him. Even worse, I kept him dangling in limbo while I tried to sleep with Rose. Naturally, it all blew up in my face, just like it should have, but I didn't learn my lesson. I simply told myself that we were nothing more than friends who happen to also fuck each other. I conveniently ignored the fact that I had betrayed him and broke his heart.

Ah, but I couldn't just leave it at that—I had to go and sleep with his brother on top of it all. Once again, I lied to myself. I kept reminding myself that Edward wasn't interested in a relationship with _anyone,_ least of all me. I ignored every sign, and desperately tried to pretend it was just sex, maybe as much as friendship, but nothing more. Deep down, I knew it wasn't true, but I think I clung to it because I knew that once I realized the truth, it would all be over.

It's finally time to stop lying to myself, and to start facing the facts. I was wrong about Edward. He is not a douche bag; in fact, he is the farthest thing from it. And me? I'm a fucking coward. A selfish, cruel, bitch that's has done nothing but hurt the people that love me.

This isn't who I'm supposed to be. I was raised to be a strong, loyal, honorable woman. My mother had a Master's degree in sociology, and a Bachelor's degree in psychology. She earned them both while raising two kids, working full time as a youth counselor, and helping out with Jake and the twins. Sue Clearwater was a community leader, a diplomat, and a shining example of what every young Quileute woman should aspire to be. She never ran from anything her life, including her death. She fought a grueling battle with breast cancer, and never let it diminish who she was, even her final hour.

What have I done?

I'm a twenty-five year old secretary. After the review board all but accused me of cheating on my SATs, I didn't even bother to fight it. Instead, I gave up on going to college, moving to the city in an attempt to escape from the pressure of being Sue Clearwater's daughter. I barely keep in contact with Seth and Dad, or even Uncle Charlie and Uncle Billy, for that matter. I can only stand to see them a few times a year, even though I know what it means to them to have me home, but it's just too much. When they look at me, I can see how much they miss her, and it only reminds me of what a disgrace I am to her memory. I'm nothing like her, just a cheap knock-off the original.

The reason I dated Sam was to try to save him. I thought that if I could fix him, it would prove that I was like her, but I ruined that by breaking his heart. Then I went on to break Emmett's heart; now it's Edward's turn. I hurt everyone. I'm a failure. I couldn't even manage to keep my baby alive long enough to give birth and ultimately give it up to a more responsible person. Someone who would have been fit to be a mother.

When I was a little girl, I secretly wished that a prince would come to take me away. I imagined him like a white knight right out of a story book. He would tell me that I was beautiful and that he loved me. Later, when I grew up, I recognized it as a stupid, childish dream, and I felt ashamed for ever having it. I was sure that men like that didn't really exist. Until I met Edward.

Edward is so kind, thoughtful, generous, and freely gives his heart and soul to those kids at that shelter. He is fiercely loyal to his family. He would never abandon them, like I've done to mine. Most of all, he sees me in all my fucked up imperfection, and he still loves me, more than I ever deserved. He is brave and beautiful, and worth everything to me.

Just like with Emmett and Sam, I could choose to be selfish and greedy, and hold on to him. Let him give me everything before I ask, let him spoil me with his love. It would be so easy, and I wouldn't have to lift a finger to show him how much I cared for him. He has already shown me that his love can withstand the worst that I can dish out. I can hurt him in every way imaginable, and he would continue to love me. I think about all the pale scars that I've left on his neck and shoulders, reminders of the vicious bites and scratches I've given him.

I can still remember the pained look on his face after I punched him outside the club. Edward hadn't lifted a finger to strike me back, and he never would. That isn't right; even I know that. Edward is so blinded by his love that he will never acknowledge how much I've hurt him. He will be just like Emmett, and let me run all over him. He will just take it, because he loves me too much to tell me "no." Sooner or later, I will go too far, and break his heart, or worse. I refuse to let that happen.

My mother instilled in me the belief that the greatest thing you can do is to give of yourself. _Sacrifice is not only an act of giving, but also the value of what you give up. The loss you endure for the one you love gives the act meaning. Given without love, the gesture is empty._ These aren't mere words, they are the way of life in the Black family. We are guardians; above all else, we protect the ones we love.

I make myself a vow to protect Edward. He was right—I _do_ feel it. I love him. The fact that I can't even admit it only underscores why I don't deserve him. Giving him up now is the only way to keep my selfishness from destroying his chance at happiness with someone who is worthy of his love.

"Leah!" Her voice cuts through my cloud of self-hatred like sunlight through fog.

"Bella?" I look up, and brace myself just in time as she throws herself into my arms.

I tighten my arms around her, and spin her around. She squeals and laughs, pleading with me to stop before she pukes.

"Okay," I sigh, setting her back on her feet, lifting my hands to her face.

She looks at me, her beautiful eyes filled with concern.

"You're crying," she says, reaching up to wipe at my damp cheeks.

"I'm just so fucking happy to see you," I reply, laying my hand on top of hers and threading our fingers together, just like we used to do when we were kids.

Bella smiles at me, and it's like the sun coming out after a storm. I take in a deep breath, let it out, and start to feel a calm sweep over me. I know that I've done the right thing. I'm sure of it.

A loud scream of an engine, and honking horns behind me, cuts my respite short, and sends tension through me in a painful shock. I don't have to turn around to know it's him.

* * *

As Cullen's douche mobile peels out and runs a red light, Bella comments about crazy Seattle drivers. I watch Leah's face, looking past her smile to the lines of tears streaking down her cheeks. She is doing her best to save face in front of Bella, but I can see the truth. Shit with Cullen has finally gone south, and Leah looks brokenhearted, once again.

Not that I'm surprised. I've been expecting this since I saw them together on the rez. Even then, I realized that Leah was making the same mistake all over again. I tried to stop her, but the world will come to an end before Leah Clearwater ever listens to my advice. She sure didn't when I tried to confront her a week ago.

_I was careful to make sure the kitchen door was closed before I spoke."What were you thinking bringing him here?" I asked in a hushed tone._

_Leah stood in front of the open refrigerator with her back to me, staring at its contents. I hated when she ignored me. It made me feel like a stupid kid, trying to get her attention and approval._

" _Damn it, Leah," I growled and hissed at her tense back. "Answer me!"_

" _It is none of your fucking business," she sneered, and slammed the door._

" _Please, do not tell me you're fucking him!" I stepped forward, shooting my arm to block her from walking away._

" _Okay, I won't tell you," she snapped in my face, and slapped my arm away._

" _Fuck, Leah! We're talking about Edward fucking Cullen! He's screwed half the women in Seattle! He's a rich conceited, asshole that has been nothing but a dick to you since you met, not to mention that he's Emmett's brother!" I struggled to keep my voice down, but the whole thing is just so insane that I'm having a hard time staying calm. "I thought you were smarter than this."_

" _Don't you fucking dare talk down to me, Jacob Black! I changed your fucking diapers!" She turned, and pushed me backward._

_I lost my balance, and stumbled back into the counter. My arm flew out, knocking several dishes to the floor, as I gripped the counter to maintain my balance. Leah glared at me for a second with a look that reminded me of Auntie Ruth._

" _I'm just trying to look out for you, to protect you," I argued, cringing back a little, lowering my eyes._

_She made an angry huffing sound, and knelt down to pick the pieces of the broken glass._

" _It's my duty to protect you from guys like that," I continued to argue, and reached down, trying to help. She slapped my hand away and stood up. Rage overtook her face as she turned on me._

" _You're not my father!" She screamed at me, loud enough for half the reservation to hear._

_Embarrassment burned my face. I didn't want to drag everyone else into this situation. That's why I followed her into the fucking kitchen in the first place._

_"Well, maybe I should tell your father what kind of douche bag you've brought into his house," I snarled, and stepped forward._

_I didn't want to let everyone in on the fact that Leah was dragging herself into a shit storm, once again. It was hard enough for us to watch her implosion after Sam. The drinking, the sleeping around. I couldn't count how many times Paul and I have had to drive to Port Angeles to drag her out of some party. We both got into our share of fights with drunken assholes who were practically date-raping her, only to get one of her trademark punches to the gut for our trouble._

_I didn't want to think about her miscarriage, either. There was no way I was going to let her go through that shit again. I refused to stand by and watch while Cullen used her up and then tossed her to the curb like he does with every other woman he screws._

_"Okay, then, let's talk about the sluts you've dragged in here!" She screeched, and threw the broken shards of glass into the sink, where they landed with a loud crash._

" _This isn't about me," I sighed, grabbing at her hands to make sure she didn't cut herself._

" _Then what is it about? Let me guess. I should be a good girl and settle down with a Quileute man, right?" She yanked her hand away from me, and crossed her arms. "When are you going to grow up and stop being Auntie Ruth's bitch boy?"_

" _Fuck you!" I snapped, just as Charlie walked through the door and stepped between us._

" _Hey, hey! Easy guys," Charlie said, putting up his hands, and glanced between us. "What's goin' on?"_

" _Ask Jake. He was about to educate me on the merits of xenophobia," Leah replied with an ugly smirk._

_I stared at her for a long moment, and gave up. There is no point trying to talk sense into her when she gets all superior. Leah likes to hide behind her big words and family politics. It's easier for her to make all of this shit about something, or somebody, else. That way, she doesn't have to admit how much she hurts us, even if she thinks she's only hurting herself._

" _It's nothing, Charlie," I mumbled, and stormed out of the room._

"Everything okay, Cuz?" I give Leah a sympathetic smile, walking down the outside steps of her apartment to offer her my hand.

I see the sadness and regret in her smile. It's the only kind of smile Leah can seem to manage anymore. I can tell from the guilty slouch of her shoulders that she's blaming herself. The sight tears at me. No one is as good at torturing Leah as she herself is. She is going to drink and fuck around to cover up her pain, just like she always does.

I can't stand to see her in this kind of pain. She reaches out her free hand to take mine, her other hand holding tight to Bella, and she pulls us both into her arms.

"It's going to be," she replies, hugging us and pressing her face into my neck.

I don't know if she's telling the truth or just trying to be strong for us. I hope that it's true, but I have a feeling things are even worse than I think, but I hope like hell that I'm wrong. There is one thing that I am sure of: _I am going to make Edward Cullen pay for making her cry_.


	27. Watch Me Burn

_Mom,_

_Last night, I dreamt that I was on fire. My skin was black and brittle, like tissue paper. Edward was there, standing at my window. The sunlight made his skin glow. I can still remember smiling when I saw him, until he opened the window. A wild howling wind whipped through the room, and blew me into a million pieces of ash. Edward stood in the golden light, black flakes of ash falling like rain all around him as he cried my name._

_I don't know what the dream means, but when I woke up I felt like I was going to puke my guts out. My stomach is still fucked up, that's why I called in to work today. I know I did the right thing with Edward. I want this aching emptiness in my chest to go away eventually._

_If you were here, I'm sure you'd make me some tea and tell me to just give it some time. Since you clearly aren't here, Bella is doing her part by making the tea, and getting some crackers to help settle my stomach. In fact, she just came in and told me to tell you hi. Silly girl treats this like it's a phone conversation._

" _Tell your mom that she needs to find a woman for my dad before he has a heart attack from eating nothing but fast food and frozen pizzas." She asked me to write that for her. As you can see nothing much has changed with our crazy girl. Still as hilarious and beautiful as ever._

_Between you and me, I swear I caught Bella eyeballing Jake like he was a t-bone steak and she was a starving jungle cat. Poor little Bella needs to get laid._

_Anyway, I've missed you more than usual lately. Sorry I'm so lame at updating—things have been crazy, as you can imagine. I feel like things will get better, if I could just get past this whole Edward thing. I guess you're right. It takes time._

_Oh, Auntie Ruth said some fucked up shit about Dad and Uncle Charlie. I wish I could ask you about it, because honestly, I DO NOT want to talk to either of them. Oh well, guess it doesn't really matter, because it's in the past, and they're friends now. Heck, they're like a grumpy old married couple. When you add Uncle Billy into that, they're just a bunch of old weirdos._

_Bella's back, so I'll say goodbye for now. I love you, Mom. I miss you every day. I hope that you can see what I'm doing, and are proud that, at least this time, I did the right thing._

_Love,_

_Lee Lee_

* * *

My vision blurs a little as the credits are scrolling up the TV screen. Bella yawns, and rolls over to nuzzle her nose into my neck. I should have gotten Jake to move the TV back into the living room, but I kind of like having it in my bedroom. Bella doesn't seem to mind watching movies in here with my gimpy ass.

"Come on, Sleeping Beauty. Time for bed," I say, gingerly rolling on my side, and am relieved to find that I don't feel like barfing on her pretty little face.

Bella makes a whimper of protest, and throws her arm around my neck. I shake my head at her adorable little pouty face, and gently run my fingernail along the tip of her nose. She playfully swats at my hand, and flops over on her back to stretch like a lazy cat.

"You feeling any better?" She yawns through the words, and rolls back over to give me a concerned, if not a little droopy-eyed, look.

"Yeah," I sigh, pressing my cheek into my pillow.

"I can sleep here with you, in case you start to feel crappy again," she offers, combing her fingers through my hair, and sliding her hand down to cradle my cheek in her palm.

I look into her warm brown eyes and smile. Bella is trying so hard to make me feel better, and I really appreciate it, but I don't think anything can take away this pain. At least, not any time soon. Before I can explain that I'm going to be fine, something changes in her expression.

"Maybe I could cheer you up," she whispers in a husky voice.

Her thumb brushes over my bottom lip, and her eyelids droop a little. It kind of looks like a weird combination of her sleepy face and the way she looks before right before she sneezes. I fight back a laugh while I try to figure out what the fuck she's doing. Her lips pucker, and I realize what is going on just as she kisses me.

"Whoa!" I jerk back, and nearly fall out of my bed.

"What?" Bella jumps up and grabs my arm, hauling me back onto the mattress.

"What the fuck, Bells?" I immediately push her away, and glare down at her.

Bella turns a dark shade of crimson red, and buries her face in my pillow. Her whole body curls in on itself until she's in the fucking fetal position, and I feel like a complete asshole.

"Bella, baby. Please don't do that," I whisper, pressing my hand to her shoulder, and push her onto her side.

Her knees are tucked up under her chin, which is an impressive feat with such huge boobs. She says something into the pillow. It's muffled, but I think it's an apology. I try to comfort her, rubbing her back, and trying to push her hair out of her face. She pushes my hand off of her, and rolls away from me.

"I'm so stupid for ever thinking that you'd-" she stops, shaking her head, and letting out a sob before continuing. "I mean, look at me." She waves her hand in front of herself, like a spastic chicken.

What in the fuck is she talking about? Where is this coming from? Bella and I have known each other forever. We're like sisters, and I love her, but we've never, ever been sexual with each other. I mean, sure, we cuddle and hug, and occasionally, we kiss each other goodbye, but it's never been sexual. At least, I thought it was.

"Fuck," I groan, grabbing the back of her sweater.

"Please don't!" She makes a strangled, choking sound as I yank her up to face me.

"Isabella Marie Swan, explain yourself right now!" I tell her, crossing my arms and giving her a stern look.

She takes her time, readjusting her sweater, tucking her hair behind her ears three times, before she finally takes a ragged breath and speaks again.

"I just thought, you know, that maybe we could...I mean, you're always saying how beautiful I am," she says it like an accusation, and wipes her hand across her nose.

"You _are_ beautiful. Anyone can see that," I exclaim, shaking my head.

I'm trying to not let my anger rise as she rolls her eyes, just like she does every time I try to give her a compliment. I swear, it's like arguing with a brick wall. Bella can be so fucking stubborn about seeing herself in a positive light, which drives me fucking crazy.

"Whatever. I misunderstood, and thought that it was because you liked me...you know, like _that_." She mumbles most of the words, biting her lip, and I see a fat tear rolling down her cheek.

She has always been shy and insecure, even when we were kids. Sometimes, if I tried hard, I could get through to her. That's what I've always tried to accomplish with my compliments. Apparently, she took it all the wrong way. Great, another example of hurting someone I love. _Shit!_

"Bella," I sigh, leaning in to wipe the tear away, and tip up her chin with my finger. "I love you. If you were actually into girls, I promise you we would totally get freaky together, but you're not."

She gives an indignant snort, and her eyes go wide. Inwardly, I sigh with relief. If there is one way to stop Bella from crying, it's to piss her off. The easiest way to piss her off is to tell her she can't do something.

"I am totally into girls!" She practically growls it at me, slapping my hand away from her face.

"Right," I sigh, sitting back and taking a deep breath. "So when you look at me, do you think 'Mmm...I can't wait to put my face in her pussy'?"

"Ew Leah, that's just crass," Bella groans, and drops down to lie beside me.

"No, that's reality. Bella, what do you think fucking a girl is like? It's not all candlelight and talking about your feelings," I grumble, and put my hands behind my head. "Besides, I love you too much to date you."

"That makes no sense! You know that, right?" Bella yawns, and looks at me with a little smile on her face.

"Yeah, well let's just agree to not fuck up what we have with sex, okay?" I slide an arm behind her head, and pull her into my body.

"Okay," she sighs against my cheek, and clings to me a little tighter.

"You'll find love, baby," I whisper in her ear, and feel like everything is finally making sense. "I promise."

* * *

_Five days..._

_...two hours..._

_...and twenty five minutes since Leah left me_.

Five minutes after that, she was laughing and smiling in the arms of someone else. A woman with dark hair and pale skin. I had recognized Bella Swan from the picture collage on Leah's wall. I confirmed it later with Alice. Leah's best friend has finally arrived.

Emmett used to call Bella the "other man." Whenever Leah gets a call from Bella, she drops _whatever_ she is doing to take it. One time, she and Emmett were in the middle of sex when Bella called. I know this, because I heard them arguing and went to the living room to check on Emmett. He was drinking a bottle of water and laughing.

" _There I am, balls deep, and she takes the fucking call," Emmett said, shaking his head, chugging the rest of the water. "I mean, I get why she did it. Bella's been going through a bad patch since she dumped that dickhead James."_

" _I don't know how you put up with it," I sighed, grabbing him a fresh bottle from the fridge._

" _I'm not willing to stand between Leah and what she wants," Emmett sighed, taking the bottle from me, and sitting down on the couch._

" _What about what you want?" I asked, staring at him._

" _I want Leah," he replied with a shrug._

At the time, I didn't understand what he meant, but now I do. I would do _anything_ to get Leah back, but there is nothing I can do; it is out of my control. Clearly, there is no way to change my heritage. If I wasn't still keeping my relationship with Leah a secret, I would scream at Emmett for not warning me about this, but it would be pointless. She is gone. I should have seen all the signs when were in La Push, with Paul, and Leah's father. I thought that he had accepted me, but I misunderstood everything so completely.

I don't know how Bella plays into all this; maybe Leah just keeps men on the side. Alice said that Bella was moving in with Leah, but that could mean anything. I've spent too many hours, and gotten too little sleep over the past few days, wondering what I could have done differently. Wondering how I could have maneuvered around this issue of race. I come up empty-handed every fucking time.

"Edward, are you going to sit there hold up the side of the house for the rest of the night, or help?" Alice stands in front of me with a giant bowl of bright yellow potato salad under her arm and a six pack of beer in her other hand.

She's the perfect hostess, even though this isn't her house, and she doesn't know Bella very well. Still, Leah is an unofficial member of our family, and Bella is Leah's best friend. Therefore, Bella is part of our family now. I take my time putting a bottle of beer to my lips, tipping it up and draining the last of the contents before finally answering her.

"I think I'll hold up the house," I reply. I pluck a fresh beer from the six-pack in her hands, open it, and start drinking it immediately.

"Jerk!" Alice huffs, and walks away.

She's pissed at me and it's not just because I'm being an active prick right now. Both she and Esme have been trying to call me non-stop since I returned from Ocean Shores, and I haven't called them back. I wasn't ready to face anybody after what happened, and I'm most especially not equipped to handle the demands of Alice's energy. I still checked each message. When I heard the one concerning this party I decide to come. However, I never bothered to tell Alice. She had acted like nothing wrong until I refused to let her introduce me to Bella, and snuck out here to drink alone. I never know what's going on her head—like, why did she take it upon herself to put this party together. This is simply what Alice does. When the family is all scattered and in the thick of our own lives, it's Alice who pulls us back together, just like Esme. I guess she learned from the best.

"Jacob, Embry, could you please help me?" She calls out, smiling brightly.

She looks so much like Esme that it fills me with guilt. I shouldn't be cruel to her, but I can't bring myself to participate in this celebration for someone who may, or may not be, my enemy.

"Coming, Alicat," Jacob answers her with a wide smile, and jogs over with his little roommate in tow.

Alice giggles at the ridiculous nickname he's given to her. She directs them to gather up the food for the barbeque, and to take it inside. Only in the Pacific Northwest would we attempt to grill in January. Jacob managed to catch his shirt on fire trying to start Emmett's propane grill. That alone was worth coming to the infamous Bella Swan's welcome home party. I wasn't actually invited, and Jacob looked like he was going to pass a kidney stone when he opened his front door to find me holding a case of the cheapest beer I could find. It had a picture of a deer on it, and I couldn't pronounce the name, but I was sure he wouldn't care as long as it got him drunk.

When I asked if he was going to let me in, he curled his hand into a fist, and I was sure he was going to punch me, but Emmett chose the perfect moment to appear behind me. They all but forgot about me as they embraced and traded friendly insults about one another's dick sizes. I squeezed past them, deposited the shitty beer on the kitchen counter, and went in search of something decent to drink. Alice and Jasper had a large cooler filled with a variety of microbrew beers in the back yard. I took a beer, and found a place to sit, out of everyone's sight. I wasn't here to socialize or welcome Bella. I was here for one reason alone: _Leah_.

"Excuse me, are you Edward?" A quiet, feminine voice interrupts my thoughts, and forces me to look up from my beer.

She is short, but not quite as tiny as Alice. I don't have to shift my gaze far to look into her eyes from my perch on this rickety folding chair. Her curly brown hair hangs around her face as she tilts her head to look at me. She has dark brown eyes that remind me of Leah so much that I feel a sharp sting in the center of my chest.

"Yep. You're Bella, right?" I ask, looking away, quickly drinking the rest of my beer.

It is a silly question, I know who she is, but I can't think of anything else to say.

"Oh, uh...yeah. How did you know?" Bella stutters, tripping over her words while she shuffles her feet.

Her scuffed Doc Martens are steadily digging a hole in the grass, while I slowly peel the label off my beer bottle. I try to think of a good answer, one that doesn't involve me screaming at her for answers as to why Leah left me. I know that would be fruitless and humiliating.

"Alice told me," I say with a shrug, and deposit the curled pieces of label into the top of the bottle.

"Oh, yeah. Of course," she replies with a nervous laugh, and stomps her foot a little. "Well, it's actually Alice who to told me to come talk to you. She says she needs your iPod."

"Why?" I'm drawing this out, getting petty enjoyment out of Bella's awkward squirming.

"Edward, will you just get the damn iPod!" Alice screeches from somewhere behind Bella, who is now turning a bright shade of red.

"Fine," I sigh, standing up, and walking away, not bothering to wait for Bella. I throw open the wooden gate and stride down the sidewalk to my car.

I click the keyfob to unlock the car, and the memory of the first night I spent with Leah flashes through my mind.

_Leah was leaning against the passenger door of my car. Her hair was draped over her shoulders, casting shadows across her face. All I could see was her eyes, dark and seductive. She wasn't just looking at me, she was looking me over, her eyes roaming down my body. I could feel her gaze on my skin, making my cock hard._

_Never, in all the time that I knew Leah, had she ever once looked at me like this-like she wanted me. Earlier, at the bar, I could have sworn she was checking me out, but I wasn't sure. Now, I knew, and it was intoxicating; I didn't want the feeling to go away. I crossed my arms, my keys in hand, wanting to draw out this moment._

_"It would be easier to unlock the door if you weren't covering it with your ass," I said, trying to look irritated, while I waited to gauge her reaction._

_"If you were half as skilled as you claim to be, you'd move me yourself." Leah's voice was low and seductive. She leaned further back against my car, as if daring me to touch her._

_I wasn't sure if it was an invitation or a challenge, but something screamed at me to act. I had to take a chance and find out if all my fantasies were based on anything even remotely real. I crashed my lips against hers, before reason could stop me. She gasped into my mouth, her hot breath filling me with her taste, and my hunger only increased. This was nothing compared to my fantasies; it was a thousand times better than anything I could imagine._

"Nice car," Bella's voice draws me out of the memory, and brings me back to my new, painful reality.

I took a chance that night, and it was all for nothing. Leah is gone. I am alone, and there is nothing I can do about it.

"Thanks," I try to sound polite as I pull open the passenger door and reach inside to grab my iPod.

I slam the door and hand the small black device to Bella, taking care to not actually touch her during the exchange. She smiles at me shyly, and carefully cradles the iPod in her small hands. A thin silver chain bracelet drapes around her wrist, and two small charms dangle from the chain: A wooden wolf, and what looks like a glittering red heart. The sight of it closes my throat, and makes me seethe with fury.

_The ruby from the necklace I gave to Leah…_

I bite back my rage long enough to speak.

"That's a pretty bracelet." I manage to sound casual, despite the heat rushing through my body, making me close my fingers into a fist.

"Oh, this? Thanks, it was a present from Jacob," She says, smiling down at the charms, and holding the bracelet up for me to look at it.

"How nice of him," I remark, immediately realizing that it's not a heart, but a teardrop, and it's darker than the gem I gave Leah. The pain subsides back to its usual aching throb, but I manage to give her another polite smile. She lowers her wrist, and we start back to the house.

As we approach the gate, I decide to take a chance, and place my hand on her arm. She stops and looks at me, a wary expression on her face. The sunlight catches her eyes, but it doesn't change their color at all. They shimmer like dark jewels, like Leah's eyes. I swallow hard, before finally managing to speak.

"You don't happen to know if Leah was planning to be here, do you?" I try to sound curious, but not overly desperate.

"Yes, she just had to pick up her date," Bella replies, looking a little confused, but still smiling.

My chest contracts, and I drop my hand from her arm. She looks concerned, but I ignore it, and walk away. I need a drink.

* * *

I watch Edward disappear into the house, and resign myself to being single for the rest of my life. Not that I was expecting much, after all he's gorgeous, and obviously way out of my league. It would just be nice to have the possibility of flirting with someone, that isn't practically my family. Jacob walks past, carrying a large cooler piled high with ice and beer like it weighs nothing, and I try to not look at his ass.

"What are you doing?" Alice appears beside me, and startles a scream out of me.

"I was just, I mean Edward...iPod," I sputter, holding up out the device to her.

"Did he just leave you out here? Ugh, I'm sorry about that," Alice says, pulling me into the house, and steers us through the crowd of people toward Jacob's living room.

"It's okay," I mutter, but the roar of conversation easily drowning me out.

I don't even know these people, but they've all shown up for what is supposed to be _my_ welcome home party. Well, it's my welcome home party _and_ Jacob and Embry's housewarming party, so these are mostly their friends.

"Bella!" A young Quileute girl pops up right in front of me, practically bouncing with excitement.

"Hi," I say awkwardly, unsure of how this girl knows me.

"I'm Claire, from the rez. Leah used to babysit me," she says, looking eager while grabbing my arm. "Remember, Princess Claire?"

The image of a little girl with a salad bowl perched on her head pops into my mind, and I start to giggle. I used to help Leah from time to time when she had to babysit, and Claire was a demanding little girl. She insisted that she was a princess, and we were her lowly servants. We had to reenact Beauty and the Beast for her.

"Oh my god, Claire!" I immediately throw my arms around her shoulders, and hug her tightly.

How did time pass so quickly? She looks like a grown up. It is strange and wonderful, yet so disconcerting.

"I'm so glad you've finally moved here! Now that I'm going to UW, we can hang out," Claire says, excitedly patting my back. "I've got to go say hi to a couple other people, but don't wander too far. I want to catch up, okay?"

I nod, and she kisses my cheek before disappearing into the crowd. Alice appears beside me, just as music starts to blare through the room. She gives me a warm smile, and slides her arm around mine.

"I'm glad you're here, too. Leah has told me so much about you that I feel like we're already friends," Alice says, tightening her arm around mine, and leading me through the crowd.

"Yeah, I hope we can be. I only really know Jake and Leah," I blather, while she nods her head. We arrive next to a large table covered in bottles of alcohol and plastic cups.

"What would you like?" She lifts a cup toward me.

"I'll just have a soda, my stomach's too nervous for alcohol right now," I reply.

"Wait, you mean that princess of the party isn't even going to drink?" A familiar voice startles the crap out of me, and I swing around, dragging poor Alice with me.

"Seth!" I scream, and practically jump into his waiting arms.

"Hey, beautiful," he laughs, and kisses my cheek. "You didn't think I was going to miss your coming out party, did you?"

"Why does everything you say sound so gay?" I ask, playfully slapping his arm. I nearly die laughing when an exaggerated look of shock crosses his face.

"Why Miss Bella, I do not know what you're talking about," he speaks in an exaggerated Southern drawl, waving a limp hand at me. "Now, please stop being rude and introduce me to your lovely date."

"Miss Alice Cullen at your service," Alice laughs, presenting Seth her hand. She actually snorts when he gives her a formal bow before kissing it.

"This drama queen is Leah's brother, Seth," I tell Alice, and roll my eyes at him.

"Wait, are you the Alice Cullen that called my father to ask for Bella's cell number?" Seth eyes grow wide with admiration, while Alice starts giggling, trying to stifle a wide grin.

"I hope I didn't scare him too badly," Alice continues to laugh, looking more amused than guilty.

"He was a little shaken, but mostly he wondered if you were on drugs because of how fast you spoke," he says, with a dismissive wave.

"Oh, poor Harry," I comment with a snort.

"Yes, well enough about my poor father," Seth says, putting his arms on both our shoulders to steer us toward the kitchen. "It's time to get me a beer."

"Seth!" Edward suddenly appears in front us, and I can feel my heart rate double in an instant.

The sullen expression that he had when he left me outside is gone. He wraps Seth in his arms, pulling him away from us, and the two embrace each other tightly. Seth looks a little shocked, but is still smiling. I raise my eyebrows at him, and he just winks at me again. _Bitch!_ How does he end up with all the hot guys?

"You know, on second thought, I'd like a gin and tonic," I tell Alice, pulling her away.

If I'm never going to get laid, at least I can get a freaking buzz.

* * *

"How have things been?" Seth gives me a look of concern, when I pull back from him.

The hug is too invasive, but I can't stop myself. When I saw him, and heard his voice I just needed to hug him. Part of me is internally cringing at how I rudely interrupted his conversation with Bella and Alice, but I'm hoping I prevented him from relating any information about Leah and me.

"Okay, I guess," I reply. Avoiding his gaze, I try to distract him. "Do you need a drink?"

I gesture toward the table behind us, and turn back to find him looking at me. His expression is sober, and I feel like he is looking right through me. After a long minute, his mouth turns down in a frown, and his eyes soften. The sight makes my chest hurt.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry," he says it so softly that I almost can't hear him.

He places his hand the side of my face, and wraps his other arm around my neck. My throat tightens, and my eyes sting for a second. How does he know?

"I can't—" my voice cuts off. I pull back from him and try to catch my breath.

"I understand; just know that I'm here if you need to talk," he says with conviction, and looks me in the eye.

"I don't think that Lea…" I choke on her name, and clear my throat before attempting to speak again. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable; she is your sister."

"She's my sister, and I know as well as anyone how much it hurts when she pushes you away," he sighs, looking older and a little sad. "I'm here for you."

He pats me on the back, and pulls me to the kitchen. We walk up to a large cooler brimming with ice and bottles of beer. Seth grabs us each a beer, and I take mine without speaking. We both open our beers and take a drink before he finally breaks the silence.

"So, do you think I stand a chance of getting laid in the hetero hell?" Seth says loudly. Letting loose an exasperated sigh, he gets looks from several of the muscular guys standing around us in the kitchen.

One of them narrows his eyes at Seth, and I turn to give him a challenging stare of my own. He looks from me to Seth, then leaves. The other men give us a wide berth as we walk out of the kitchen.

"Well, you'll always have me," I tell him, throwing my arm around his shoulder.

"If only it were true," he says, wrapping his arm around my waist, and squeezes me before letting go.

We take up a post next to the drinks table, watching the crowd. Several people are talking in little group clusters. I spot Claire speaking animatedly to a couple of girls her own age. Guilt rushes through me as I remember that she's left several messages on my phone asking if I am still intending to get private Quileute lessons. I haven't called her back, because I don't know what to say.

While I still want to support her project and her education, I don't know if I can handle learning the language of a people who don't consider me good enough to be with a member of their community. Learning Quileute now just feels like a pathetic and desperate attempt to hold on to some part of Leah. Kind of like coming to a party where I'm not welcome, just for the slimmest chance to see her one more time.

"Whoa check out the hottie and a half," Seth's voice draws my attention toward the front door.

A tall, blond man is standing in the doorway, surveying the crowd. He has a look of mild distaste on his face, and his arm is outstretched, holding open to the door. I see a hand comb through his hair, and I immediately know that it's Leah. Something in my stomach tightens, and a voice in the back of my head pleads with me to look away, but I can't. My eyes are glued to them.

"Oh, shit!" Seth gasps, and clutches my arm in a tight grip, obviously trying to pull me away, but I jerk my arm free from his grasp.

I have to see her face to be absolutely sure that it's her. It's been nearly a week since I've seen her, or heard her voice, and I feel like I'm going insane from the deprivation. The blond son of bitch turns around so that Leah is suddenly in his arms. I watch her bury her face in his neck, while her other hand presses against his chest. His lips move, but I can't hear what he's saying over the thumping music. She shakes her head while he raises her hand to his lips, and kisses her knuckle. The gesture makes me shake with fury.

"Leah!" Bella's voice rings out over the music, and Leah finally lifts her head to look at the crowd

Her eyes are bloodshot, and she looks almost sick. I should be happy to see her in this condition, but it only makes me angrier. If she's as miserable as I am, then why is she with him? He is fucking blonde for Christ's sake!

Bella flies into her arms, and Leah's face brightens slightly. I can see the familial affection in their faces as they talk, and Bella laughs. When Leah turns to gesture to her...date ( _god, that word stings_ ), I try to not focus on it too hard. He nods, and smiles at Bella, but keeps his hands on Leah. I look away, taking a drink of my beer while I imagine the sound his fingers would make as I break them, and finally feel myself smile.

When I look at them again, Bella's gone, and Leah is peeling off her leather jacket with the help of the blond fucker. Her glittering black shirt is skin-tight, and barely more than a scrap of cloth, with two sets of strings securing it around her neck and across her lower back. The rest of the back is exposed. It instantly reminds me of what she looked like pinned against a brick wall, while I fucked her hard from behind. My whole body spasms slightly at the memory. I tighten my grip on my beer, while I watch Leah lead her date into the crowd and start to dance.

"I can't watch this," I groan, turning my back on the scene, and walk into the kitchen to grab another beer.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to be here, honey?" Peter touches my cheek with a look on concern on his face.

"Let's just dance," I reply, taking his hand and placing it on my waist.

"Okay," he sighs, grabbing my hips with both hands, and starts to move with the grace and rhythm of a professional dancer.

"Show off," I laugh for the first time in days while I try to match his moves, and fail miserably.

Peter is the perfect choice for a date tonight. As much as I need someone who will watch my back, I also need someone who knows me well enough that I can flip out comfortably should the need arise. Aside from Emmett, the only person who fits the bill is Peter. He's already pep-talked me through a crying fit in his car and held me while I blubbered.

"Thank you," I yell at him during a break between songs, and he flashes me his brilliant smile.

"Anything for you, Leah," he says, lifting me up into his arms and kissing my neck. "You know if you ever change your mind about us..." He sets me back on my feet, giving me a flirty wink.

"Ugh, dude, you know there's no way I could ever go there again! Especially not after you came in my hair," I laugh, and slap his chest.

"That was not my fault, and you know it," he protests with a grin, shaking his head. "I tried to warn you, but the usher was two rows away! Besides, jizz is great for your hair."

"You would know, you homo!" I give him a wink.

He laughs hard and slaps my ass. "You're just jealous that I can get hotter guys than you can."

"As if," I push on his chest while he tries to pull me closer.

"Speaking of which, I spotted a hottie near the drinks when we came in," he shouts in my ear, and nods his head toward the kitchen. "Am I on fake boyfriend duty all night, or can I flirt a little? Please?"

I roll my eyes at his pleading. Scanning the group of people in that direction, I see Edward leaning against the large support beam at the kitchen entrance. His eyes are locked on us. Immediately, I falter, losing track of my steps. Peter catches me with an arm around my waist, and holds me up.

"Let's take a break Ginger, before you break your fucking ankle," he teases me, but the look on his face is serious.

I must look like I'm about to cry, because I certainly feel like I'm about to cry. Of course, he has to drag me over to the kitchen, toward Edward, the last place I want to be right now. We stop right next to dining room table, which happens to be covered with food and bottles of liquor.

"Do you want a drink?" A familiar voice asks me. I look up into the eyes of my little brother.

"Seth?" I squawk, and immediately straighten myself up.

"Hey Leah, fancy meeting you here," Seth says in a bitch tone. He takes a drink from his bright red plastic cup, while shifting his eyes to his left.

I know he's gazing at Edward, but I'm ignoring him. He needs to stay the fuck out of this, and get a life of his own. Stop meddling in mine, for once.

"Hi, I'm Peter," my fake boyfriend thrusts his hand into my little brother's face, and gives him a bright, flirty smile.

"Uh, hi," Seth replies, thrown off guard, and takes Peter's hand.

I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I'm relieved to have Seth distracted. On the other hand, I'm a little freaked by the possibility of my brother dating a dude whose dick has been in my mouth.

Why is nothing in my life simple? Edward steps forward, cutting right in between Seth and Peter. He places his hands on my shoulders. Oh yeah, that's why. I screw up everything that I touch.

"Leah!" Edward practically yells my name, and pushes me back a few steps.

"Hey," Peter steps forward, putting his hand on Edward's shoulder, and tries to stop him.

Before I can blink, Edward turns, his fist slamming into Peter's chin. I watch with nauseating horror as Peter falls to the floor. When Edward looks back at me, his face is filled with anger and tears stream down his cheeks.

"I thought you couldn't date white guys! Or it's okay, so long as you only fuck them? Is that it? Is it?" He's screaming in my face, and I don't know what to say.

My stomach is roiling, like I've swallowed a Tasmanian devil, and he's trying tear me open from the inside. I turn on my heels, running away like a fucking coward, desperate to find the bathroom. When I finally reach it, I push a screaming girl out of my way so I can get inside. I slam the door and run to the toilet, crouching over it to puke my guts out. As I my stomach heaves, I can still hear Edward screaming my name through the door.

* * *

As soon as I see Leah on the dance floor with her pretty boy, I know it will spell trouble. Edward has been sulking for most of the party, which isn't unusual behavior for him. When I watch him attack her date, though, I know something bigger is going on.

"S'up, Rose?" Emmett mutters, as I wrap my hand around his bicep and pull him behind me.

We arrive on the scene just as Leah runs off toward the bathroom, and Edward tries to chase after her. His screams become hysterical, but Emmett wraps his beefy arm around Edward's waist, holding him in place.

"What happened?" I ask Seth, who is kneeling beside Leah's date.

The blond guy looks vaguely familiar, but I don't have time to play the name game.

"Leah," is Seth's only answer.

"Let go of me. I have to talk to her!" Edward protests, struggling against Emmett's hold.

His face is flushed and damp with tears; I've never seen him like this. It reminds me of how Emmett described him after his long-time girlfriend left. Emmett said that Edward was an emotional wreck for months, vacillating between crying rages and going days without talking to anyone. I always thought that Emmett was exaggerating, because I couldn't imagine cold, calculating Edward Cullen giving a shit about anyone enough to break a sweat.

"Leah, get out here and face me!" Edward yells, while fighting to get past Emmett. I have to admit, I'm a little impressed.

"What in the fucking hell, Cullen?" Jake walks up with Bella and Alice in tow. I can already see things taking a turn for the worst.

"You can fuck yourself, Black!" Edward snarls, lunging toward Jake.

"Fuck me? I'll fucking kill _you_!" Jacob raises his fist; his face is a mask of burning rage.

"Jake back off, he's drunk," Emmett shouts, quickly putting himself between them.

"I don't care if he's insane. He's insulting me and mine in my fucking house!" Jake steps forward into Emmett's face, and cold fear runs through me.

"Jacob." My hand lands on his chest, resting over his heart, stopping him mid-step.

Jacob meets my eyes with a questioning gaze, and time falls away for a few seconds. No matter how big and strong he is, Jacob will always will be that sad, lost little boy that I left broken-hearted at the Aquarium, years ago.

_On that cold, winter night, all I could do was start a ridiculous fight about how immature and irresponsible he was, because I was too afraid to tell him the truth._

" _I don't understand. What did I say?" Jake's face was filled with confusion and fear._

_It wasn't fair to keep stringing Jacob along, if I wasn't going to be honest with him about myself. Jacob wanted to marry me after dating for three fucking weeks; this brave boy already loved me. He talked about having a family of our own, and how he hoped we'd have a beautiful daughter with my hair. My therapist, Gail said that there was no timetable for healing, and I shouldn't try to force myself._

" _It has nothing to do with that, I swear," I sighed, turning around and placing a hand on his chest._

_Guilt twisted my stomach, but I tried to stay strong. I knew that leaving him was the right thing, because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't tell him the truth. Every time I tried to psych myself up for it, I ended up in a full blown panic attack._

" _Is it about why you left Madison? Whatever it is, you can tell me. That's what I'm here for, Rose," Jake begged, laying his hand over mine._

_How do you tell someone so young and innocent that your own innocence was taken away in the back of a pick-up truck by your boyfriend and his friends? That you were left for dead in the parking lot of bar, and the damage you sustained rendered you unable to have children? Gail said I was brave to face the trial at age sixteen, despite my parents' fears and embarrassment over their daughter's disgrace. As I looked into Jacob's pleading eyes, I felt like a coward. He deserved a woman that gave him all the happiness he wanted._

" _Jake, you can't fix what's wrong with me, and you should stop trying," I sounded so calm, almost convincing._

"Rose," Emmett's voice pulls me back as his strong hand squeezes my shoulder.

Jacob is holding my hand away from his body, his eyes fixed on the diamond engagement ring that Emmett gave me yesterday, when I finally had enough courage to tell him the truth. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, harder even than the trial, but Emmett listened so patiently, without interruption. Once I finished, he thanked me for telling him and asked if he could hug me. As much as I regret leaving Jacob the way I did, I will never regret being with Emmett. He is everything I have ever wanted, and exactly what I need.

"It's about time," Jake says in a calm tone, all the anger gone from his face.

"Thanks," Emmett replies for me, while I let out a heavy sigh, and slowly pull free my hand.

"Get him out of here now," Jake commands, looking strong, looking like a man, as he points at the door.

"Bella!" Alice chirps, pushing Leah's dazed little friend into the thick of it. "How about you drive Edward home?"

"What?" Both Bella and I speak at the same time, although she with confusion, and me with suspicion.

"Well, we can't let him drive himself in this condition, can we?" Alice asks the bewildered Bella, while completely ignoring me.

"Wait," Jake interrupts, stepping past me to touch Bella's arm.

"No, she's right," Bella shakes off his touch, and I see a hint of hurt in his eyes.

"Come on, you two," Alice says, pushing Edward and Bella toward the door.

"What the fuck was that shit?" I step up beside Alice, watching the confused pair stumble out the door, and wondering what the hell she's got planned.

"It was Leah's idea, I've been trying to get them alone together all freaking night!" Alice confesses in a whisper, grabbing my arm, and turning us back towards the party. "Speaking of Leah, someone should check on her, she's been in the bathroom for a bit."

"I've got it," I sigh, pulling out of her grasp, and stride toward the bathroom.

* * *

The door opens and closes, but I don't bother to lift my head up until I'm absolutely sure I'm done puking. My head is throbbing, and my stomach spasms again, but I'm empty. Not that I had much in there in the first place. I had toast for breakfast, and choked down a hotdog at Peter's place before we left for the party. My system has been all fucked up all week.

"You done?" Rose sounds disappointed, and a little disgusted, which isn't surprising.

I nod, lean my head back, and look at her face. She frowns at me while pushing the knob that flushes the toilet.

"Is it over?" I can't help asking, because the look on her face is making me nervous.

"Which part? The part where your cousin nearly tore Edward's head off, or the part where you try to set up your best friend with a guy who's in love with you?" Rose asks as she kneels down beside me.

"The last part," I choke out, closing my eyes and fighting another wave of nausea.

It subsides quickly. Rose tries to pull my hair back, and I grab her wrist, stopping her.

"There's puke in it," I explain. Gathering my hair in my hands, I crawl over to the tub.

Turning on the faucet, I stick my head under the tap. Rose's hands are in my hair before I say a word. I hear the snap of a shampoo bottle cap, and the air fills with the sharp scent of pine. I gag a little, and pinch my nose to block out the overwhelming smell. I allow myself a moment to relax and enjoy the feel of her lathering my hair up.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Lee Lee?" Rose grumbles, before shoving my head under the water to rinse my hair.

"It doesn't matter, it's done," I argue, water running up my nose and into my eyes.

I pull free from her grasp and start to twist my hair to get out the excess water, while she shuts off the faucet. Rose sits up on the edge of the tub, staring down at me with a motherly look that makes me feel even guiltier than I do already.

"Do you love him?" Rose pulls a towel from the rack and holds it out for me.

"I doesn't matter, Rose," I argue. I snatch the towel from her hands and start to rub my wet hair with it.

"It _does_ matter when you're binge drinking and Edward's acting like a lunatic," she challenges, grabbing my chin, and forcing me to look at her.

"Edward will be fine," I spit back, and slap her hand away. "And I haven't even had a drink."

She leans in, about to continue the argument when the door slams open. We both turn our heads to look at Jacob. He's taking up the entire doorway, and looks confused, pissed, and concerned, all at once.

"How is she?" Jake stares at Rose, which pisses me off.

"She is fine!" I reply, throwing down the towel, and trying to stand up on shaky legs.

Jacob scoops me up in his arms. Before I can argue about it, he carries me out of the bathroom.

"Is she ready to go?" Seth calls from the other side of the room, with Peter hanging off his shoulder.

"Yes," I yell back, and hang onto Jake as he carries me through the crowd of people.

I slide my arms around his neck, glancing over his shoulder to see Rose standing in the doorway of the bathroom. The light turns her hair into a golden halo, casting shadows onto her face. Remembering her words, I swallow the lump of guilt in my throat, and press my face against Jake's neck.

"You can't run forever," Rose calls after me. I close my eyes, because I know that deep down, she's right.

* * *

"Just humor me, and give me your address," Bella sighs, giving me a tolerant smile, and lays her hand over mine.

Her eyes look so kind, even in the harsh light coming from the dome light above us. The warmth coming from her hand is seeping into my skin. I cover her hand with my own, greedy for the comfort that it's bringing to me. I close my eyes, giving in a little.

"Okay," I sigh, and tell her my address.

She gives my hand a little squeeze before pulling away to type on her phone. Her nose crinkles as she stares down at the screen with an intense look on her face.

"I can give you directions. It's actually not that far from here," I insist, but she shakes her head, buckles her seatbelt, and starts up my car.

"Buckle up, Buttercup," she says with a wink, and shifts the car into drive.

I buckle myself in and watch her carefully pull out into traffic. I try to distract myself by watching her drive, and not thinking about how badly I humiliated myself a few minutes ago. Bella grips the steering wheel at the exact locations of ten and two o'clock. Her eyes are either glued to the road, repetitively checking the mirrors before changing lanes, or taking a quick glance at her phone to double check the turn I've just told her to take.

She doesn't mention the scene I caused at the party, or even really push me to talk. We ride along in a peaceful, comfortable silence. Bella smiles while she drives, occasionally humming along with the soft purr of the engine. I forgot about how calming quiet can be. This is exactly what I need to get myself back under control. I watch the city pass outside my window and allow myself to take a deep breath. It feel surprisingly good.

"Well, we made it one piece," Bella announces, when we finally pull into my driveway.

She carefully places the car into park, turns off the engine, and drops the keys into my hand. Guilt washes over me at the sight of her shy smile. Bella has been so kind to me, and I have done nothing to deserve it.

"Thank you," I say, catching her hand, and try to get her to look at me.

"It was nothing," She says, eyes still downcast as she shrugs, and causes a thick curl fall over her face.

"Bella, it was not _nothing_ ," I insisted, reaching out to brush the hair from her face, and tuck it behind her ear. "Not many people would do this for someone they don't know, much less someone that's been jerk. I'm sorry I was rude to you earlier."

"Oh, you're fine. I mean, it's fine," she stutters, blushing a dark shade of red, but doesn't pull away from me.

Alice's plan had been for Bella to call a cab from inside my house upon our arrival, but as I look at her, I know what will happen if I let her in. Bella is sweet, shy, and has absolutely no clue of beautiful she is. It would be so easy to talk her into having a drink before calling the cab. Let her talk about herself, and even tell her some trivial things about myself. Then once she was comfortable I could lead her into my room, and sit her down on my bed. I would touch her soft, warm hands, look into her dark brown eyes, and kiss her slowly.

She wouldn't resist me. I can tell by the way she isn't looking at me, how she blushes, and stutters when she's speaking that she wants me. There is no doubt that if I wanted to have sex with Bella tonight, even after making a complete ass of myself, she would let me. I would only have to feign mild interest, and she would give in.

I have done this to countless girls over the years, to the point that it became almost too easy. Maybe that's what attracted to me to Leah the most—the challenge. Of all the women I have ever met, she was the one who didn't want me, or at least not at first. To be desired by someone who didn't need me, who didn't need anyone, was so enticing.

_"I'm here because I want to be," Leah sighed, pressing her lips to mine for a quick kiss, and then pulled back to look at me._

Leah made me feel special in a way no other woman could. I want, no I _need_ , to hold onto that feeling. Sleeping with Bella would be a mistake. She would only be ghost of the real thing, and that's not fair to either of us.

"How about you just take my car, and drive yourself home?" I quickly remove my house key from the ring, and drop the keys back into her hands.

"Are you sure?" She puts her hand on my arm, her warmth teasing me for a second, but I quickly realize that it's nothing compared to the heat of Leah's skin.

"Yeah," I reply, pulling away to open my car door. "I'll have Emmett drop me off at your place to pick it up."

"Okay," Bella says, looking disappointed, while holding my keys.

I hesitate, feeling a little guilty, but not enough to change my mind. If I can't have Leah, I would rather be alone.

"Thanks for the ride, Bella," I sigh, giving her a sympathetic smile that she returns before starting my car.

I close the door, and jog up the stairs to my front door. I swing the door open, finding my house silent and dark. Emmett hasn't officially moved out, but since they returned from Madison, he pretty much lives at her place. Now that they're engaged it's only a matter of time before he officially moves out. I used to dread being left alone in this house. Now, it isn't so bad. I feel strangely, calm, but bone weary. I close the door, walk toward my bedroom, not bothering to turn on the lights. I collapse on my bed, and pray for a dreamless sleep.


	28. Gravity

_"Hell is yourself and the only redemption is when a person puts himself aside to feel deeply for another person."_

_\- Tennessee Williams_

I'm sitting on the lid of the toilet lid, staring at a thin plastic tube and waiting for it to tell my future. It's ridiculous. This shouldn't take so long. The single longest minute in my life. I can't believe I paid this much for something that you pee on and then throw away.

_The single longest minute in my life._

I set it down and check the instructions that are the size of a road map once again. It takes me a couple of confused seconds to find the section written in English, and it still seems like it's written in a foreign language.

_Fuck!_

I crumple the thin paper between my hands and throw it against the bathroom door. What in the fuck was I thinking? What kind of dumbass goes through all the trouble of getting birth control only to turn around and forget to fucking take it? I'm so fucking brilliant. I want to smash my face into the counter top.

Last night went from bad, to worse, to a fucking catastrophe. I can still see Edward's enraged expression as he screamed in my face. The sight of his raw pain and anger tore open the bleeding wound in my chest; as if I wasn't already a fucking wreck. While his anger was pretty fucking horrible, and the pain on his face made it hard for me to breathe, that wasn't the worst of it. No, what truly left me shaking like a junkie was the realization of how much I still want him. I thought time would diminish the need I have to be near him, but it only made it worse. I'm still fucking shaking, hours later.

Even as I ran away, every last cell in my body was screaming at me to go back to him. I wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms, begging for forgiveness, but that is impossible now. My noble plan—letting him move on with Bella—is already set in motion. There is no turning back from here.

I assume my plan worked, since the apartment was empty when Seth brought me home. I thought about texting Bella for confirmation that the deed was done, but the thought of her with Edward, _my_ Edward...I just couldn't handle it. Even though I tried to turn my mind away from it, Seth, my oh-so-supportive and sympathetic brother, wouldn't give me a moment's peace.

He spent the entire drive back to my apartment scowling at me, then he left me alone to clumsily stumble up the stairs to my apartment while he helped _my_ date. Once we were inside the jerk proceeded to light into me about Edward without even pausing to be concerned about me. Sure, I probably deserved it, but it still pissed me off. Not that he cared; he was too busy fawning all over Peter.

Shit, poor Peter. I never meant for him to get hurt, but what did I really think was going to happen? It was a fucking mistake to go to the party, but it's too late to whine about it. It's too late for a lot of things now, a fact that was reinforced when I had to toss the boys out of the bathroom so I could dry heave over the toilet, _again_.

It was then that I started to put the pieces together, and checked my birth control pills. The days and the pills didn't add up. In fact, the difference was pretty dramatic. I sat down on the floor of my bathroom and tried to trace my steps over the last couple of weeks. I know that I packed the pills for my trip back home, for Black Friday, but I couldn't recall actually taking them. That was the last time I even remember thinking about them.

Well, that's not totally true. I thought about them with Edward, at his house after Alec died. How long ago was that? Two weeks? Three, maybe? Fuck! Things have been so insane. I should be able to figure this shit out, but after seeing Edward and dealing with Seth's disappointment I couldn't fucking focus. I looked at the calendar on my phone and started to count the days. My period isn't even due for another week, so officially I'm not late. It could just be stress. I kept telling myself that, but I still feel like a complete fucking idiot.

After getting so frustrated that I smashed the pill case into a thousand pieces, I stormed out of the bathroom to grab my bag and got the fuck out of there. Seth gave me a smug look, clearly as pissed at me as Edward, but I wasn't having it. He tried to talk to me, but I told him to mind his own fucking business and got the fuck out of there. I couldn't stay in that apartment. Hell, I couldn't stand to be in the fucking city with this hanging over my head.

It was late. I was fucking exhausted, but I needed to get away. I needed to be... _home_. I drove on auto-pilot, only stopping once at an all-night drug store. When I pulled up to the house, it was still really early, or late, depending upon your perspective. I tried to open the door quietly and sneak up to my room, but as soon as I got to the top of the stairs, I ran right into Dad.

_"Leah?" he barked, a surprised look on his freshly shaved face._

_"Dad," I replied dumbly, and it took me a second to gather my wits. "What are you doing up this early on a Saturday?"_

_"Going fishing with Charlie," he said with a shrug, and then he stared at me for a long, silent moment._

_"Want me to make you coffee?" I offered, hoping he would stop staring._

_"Sure,"_ _h_ _e nodded. He led the way back down the stairs and into the kitchen._

_We stood in silence while the old Mr. Coffee worked its magic on the black sawdust my dad considered coffee. At least the rich, earthy smell didn't make me want to barf. I took a deep breath and leaned back against the counter._

_"Nice necklace," Dad commented casually, while turning to grab his thermos off the top of the refrigerator._

_I immediately pressed my hand to my chest, and my palms began to sweat. The ruby pressed into my skin, feeling warm and right. Before I left the apartment, I had gone back into my room and grabbed it out of my jewelry box where I had hidden it when I got back from Ocean Shores. I had intended to return it to Edward, eventually. Somehow, now I wanted it. It made me feel better; the weight and feel of it against my skin was soothing._

_I stared at my father while my hand covered the necklace, and I couldn't think of a single fucking thing to say. My mind was blank. Correction: my mind was a giant neon sign blinking the words FUCKSHITFUCKSHIT in rapid succession._

_"Did you know that I used to have a Mustang?" His tone was causal, like he was asking when dinner would be ready. I shook my head and folded my arms._

_"It was a '71 Mach 1, black and chrome. She was beautiful," he said with a little smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth, as he stared out the kitchen window. "It cost me every penny I made at Old Quil's garage for two summers, not to mention all my spare time, to get it running. It was my pride and joy. Your mother hated it."_

_He laughed, and I stared at him. I don't ever remember Mom talking about a car, much less one she hated. He caught my look and shook his head._

_"Oh, she did, trust me. We were still in school, still young, and dating. I got it in my head that I was something special 'cause I had a nice ride and the prettiest girl on the rez. I drove around like the top dog, and got a lot of attention from girls. I was a jackass. Eventually, your mom got fed up with it, and dumped me. She was right to do it."_

_"Dad!" I gasped in shock. My mother never told me that they had once broken up._

_"Simmer down. I came to my senses after getting that wakeup call from her. When I realized what I lost after your mother walked away, I immediately sold the Mustang and bought your mother a necklace just like that one." He pointed at my necklace, and all I could do was stare at him._

_"But I thought... Mom said you got it from the quarter machine at Newton's," I insisted, but he quickly shook his head._

_"That cheap piece of plastic got lost at First Beach when she broke up with me. She threw that in my face, and I never bothered to pick it up. So, I bought her a new one, with a real ruby to show her that I was serious, and asked her to marry me." He smiled, looking really happy for the first time in ages. "You should have seen the look on her face when I gave it to her. When she realized that I walked the whole five miles from my dad's place,it was one of the few times I ever saw her truly surprised."_

_The coffee pot dinged. Dad emptied most of it into his thermos, then poured most of the remainder into a cup. He turned to me with an expectant look; I shook my head and struggled to hold back my tears. He shrugged and poured the rest into his own cup. We stood there for another long minute, him drinking and me staring, until Charlie's car horn broke the silence._

_"That's my ride," Dad sighed, walked over to put his cup in the sink, and headed out of the kitchen._

_I followed him, carrying his thermos, and waited in the entryway. He pulled on his jacket and opened the door. Charlie honked again, and Dad shook his head, waving for him to wait._

_"Leah," he caught me off guard by putting his hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze._

_"Men are dumb. We're born jackasses, and only get worse with age. Sometimes, we scrape together enough sense to do the right thing." He paused, moving his hand to hover above the necklace for a split second, before shaking himself and looking back up at me. "I hope he wises up for you, baby."_

_He kissed my cheek, grabbed his tackle box, and walked out the door. Once they disappeared around beyond the edge of the property, I ran up into the bathroom._

I check my cell phone. The minute is up. I grab the stick and stare at the two perfectly even bright blue lines. They are so bright, it seems like they're glowing. I close my eyes, but I can still see them. After I let out a shaky breath, I open my eyes and toss the test in the trash next to the other positive one I took ten minutes ago. I reach for a third and turn on the faucet, imagining waterfalls to help me pee yet again. It's a long shot that I happened to get two faulty tests, but I might as well use them all since I paid for them.

* * *

"Edward," Demetri's cheerful but brash tone makes my head throb a little.

"Yes?" I yawn, and rub my eyes.

The clock beside my bed is telling me it's eight in the morning, and I'm wishing I hadn't answered the phone. I picked it up on instinct, maybe with a side order of a little desperation thrown in for good measure. The thin tendrils of my dream still cling in my mind. Leah was alone and crying, somewhere far away. When I heard the ringing, I was sure she was calling to tell me that she needed me.

"We've been summoned," he announces with a heavy sigh. "Where should I pick you up?"

"What? De, I don't think—" I start, but he quickly cuts me off.

"Ed, don't even start. This is the old man we're talking about. If he wants to talk to you, he will talk to you, whether you want to or not," he says in a tired tone. "Now, are you at home?"

"Yes," I groan. I close my eyes to calm the spike of pain shooting through my head, but it makes no difference. I should know better by now.

"I'll be there in ten minutes," he says, and immediately hangs up.

There are many things I don't miss about working at Volt. Being at Aro's beck and call is definitely one of them. I could have told Demetri I'm not going to go, despite the looming threat of Aro finding me eventually. He doesn't scare me; not anymore. It's what he might have to new and possibly horrifying information he may have to impart about my birth father that makes my stomach twist in knots.

I sit up and run my hand through my hair, wondering if I have time to shower. Fuck it. If Aro wants to see me, he can wait while I get ready.

Ten minutes later, I'm showered and sliding on my suit jacket when someone taps on my front door. I straighten my tie, open the door, and I'm greeted with Demetri's devious smile.

"Morning, beautiful," he greets me with a wink, and holds out a cup of coffee.

I don't know what to say, so I simply accept the cup and walk out the door. He looks good—awake and ready for anything. His sunglasses are perched on the top of his head. Only Demetri would wear sunglasses on a cloudy day.

"Best not keep the old man waiting," he says, sliding his sunglasses over his eyes and turning to walk back down to the waiting car.

"Okay," I mumble, quickly locking my door and jogging after him. It's strange; it feels like I'm going to work again, as if my life after Volt never even happened.

Once we're settled in the car and driving to Mercer Island, I finally stare at Demetri. I wonder how much he knows about my connection to Aro's family. Does he know why Aro has summoned us? Demetri has ways of uncovering secrets; it is part of his job. Why has it never occurred to me before that he might know things about me that I don't even know?

"How much do you know?" I ask in a calm voice, despite the tension drumming through me.

He pulls off his glasses and raises his eyebrow while smirking at me over his top of his coffee cup.

"Only as much as Aro sees fit to tell me," he says, turning his gaze toward the window and pretending to be checking his hair in the reflection.

"I suppose it is naïve of me to think we were friends." The angry tone in my own voice surprises me.

A burning sensation covers my hand. I look down to see that I unwittingly tightened my grip on the thin paper cup. The lid had popped off, sending hot coffee splashing across my knuckles.

"Don't be like that, Edward," he sighs heavily. He pulls a handkerchief from his breast pocket, tossing it into my lap.

"Don't fuck with me, De," I warn as I use the soft linen to wipe my hand, then throw it back at him.

"Fine. He told me at the funeral," he confesses. He rolls his eyes while he puts the handkerchief on the seat, and smiles wider. "I have to admit, I nearly shit myself when he told me that you're a Gallo. Talk about hitting the genetic lottery."

"I'm a Cullen," I reply without really thinking, but it feels right, so I let it go.

"We'll see," he whispers, his smile fading.

* * *

I try to chop carrots, ignoring how much I want to curl into a ball and cry. There isn't time for that now. It's eight-thirty; Dad and Charlie will be back soon. I don't want to think about what's coming: the fish. The cleaning of the fish. The cooking of the fish. And, most of all, the smell of the fish. A fresh wave of nausea swirls in the pit of my stomach just thinking about it. I set down the knife and take another sip of ginger tea. It may help with the nausea, but it doesn't do shit for my anxiety.

I scoop up the carrots and dump them on top of the roast with the rest of the veggies. I set the crockpot to high and hope it will be ready in time for lunch. Uncle Billy called and invited himself over. I don't know how he knew I was home. I swear he can sense the presence of someone with cooking skills on the rez, like a shark can smell blood in the water.

The food is set up.

I have another pot of coffee ready to brew once they walk in the door. _I'm pregnant._

_Shit!_

So much for keeping my mind off of it. I have spent every minute since I buried the pregnancy tests in the bottom of the garbage can trying to stay busy. Most of the laundry is done, the bathroom is spotless, and I even gave Seth's trailer a quick tidying. There isn't much left to do, unless I want to start scrubbing the kitchen floor.

I cradle my head in my hands, trying to wrap my mind around what this means. _Edward_. He is the only thing I can think about. The image of his beautiful face floats in my mind, with his sparkling eyes and soft, smiling lips. My brain transforms the image, peeling away years, darkening his hair, and tinting his skin a light, coppery brown. I open my eyes and realize my hands are splayed over my stomach, trying to feel something that is impossible to feel. It is way too early, too soon.

_I'm not ready for this._

I cut the thought off, before it can go any further. I don't have time to freak out. Maybe after I get the guys fed and distract them with college football, I'll be able to think about next step.

_Stay focused, Clearwater._

Keep busy, and my mind won't have time to think. I open the cabinet under the sink and pull out the bucket to fill it up. Guess I'm scrubbing the floor after all.

* * *

"Demetri," Gianna greets me with a frown, and immediately pushes me out of the way to look out the door. "Where's Edward?"

"Nice to see you too, darling," I chuckle, making a show of brushing my hand over the sleeve of my silk jacket where she touched me. "The heir apparent is finishing up a call the illustrious Mrs. Cullen. He'll be right in."

"What have you said to him?" She turns back, her grey eyes fixing me with a glare that could melt the polar ice caps.

"Nothing more than I'm allowed," I sigh, already tired of these games. "He is not dumb, and he will never agree."

"Let me worry about that," she says menacingly, while poking me in the chest with the sharp tip of her manicured nail. "You just keep that slippery tongue in check."

I take hold of her wrist, pulling her in closer, letting the sweet scent of her perfume wash over me. Her soft mahogany hair sweeps forward to brush against my bottom lip, reminding me of a time not too long ago when I had my face buried in the hair between her lush legs. She gasps, her honeyed breath warming my smirking lips.

" _Don't_ tell me how to do my job," I speak softly, leaning forward to brush my mouth along her chin.

"Enough!" She immediately jerks free of my grasp and slaps me sharply across the face.

The resounding sting is almost as good as her lingering flavor on my lips. Her hand is on my throat in an instant, the sharp nails digging into my skin, trapping my Adam's apple. Goddamn, she is going to be the death of me.

When she called me to set up this meeting, we struck a deal. I would keep quiet while she preps Edward, before we take him to see Aro. She didn't tell me what I would get in exchange for my compliance, but I'm game for anything that puts me on her good side.

Gianna is a single-minded, calculated, corporate shark. With the exception of Edward, I have never seen anyone rise up in Volt's chain of command as fast as she has during her short tenure. Once you've seen her in action, you understand why. I have seen her sweet talk donors out of millions of dollars with a couple of well-placed words and a smile. She is notorious for schooling men that are twice her age during board meetings—she has a remarkable ability to turn intelligent, experienced executives into nothing more than stuttering, idiotic schoolboys. To be completely honest, the woman scares the everliving shit out of me.

"You'll behave, or I will see to it that you get assigned to an oil platform in the middle of the Caspian Sea," she hisses, digging the heel of her shoe into the toe of my loafers.

I nod, and she releases me, allowing me to gaze down at the four inch, spiked heel still digging into my foot. My cock jumps in my slacks, and my mouth begins to water. Almost as if she read my mind, she brings her foot up to rub it along the inside of my calf; it is my turn to gasp.

"Sometimes you make it too easy, De," Gianna laughs, pushing me away. She turns in time to see Edward walk through the doorway, looking grim as ever.

"There you are," she greets him with her trademark cheerful smile.

"Hey Gi," Edward replies, looking uncomfortable and nervous.

He's nowhere near nervous enough, however. If only he knew how nervous he _should_ be, poor Edward would be pissing himself. He's definitely going to need someone to help him deal with it all; why shouldn't it be me? After all, Aro did order me to be the best friend that I could be to Edward, so that's what I'm here to do. Back straightened, I move to stand beside him, placing my hand between his shoulders.

"Come along. I have something to show you before you see Aro," Gianna says almost casually, and leads the way up the stairs toward the East wing, away from the sleeping quarters.

* * *

Before I stroll into the kitchen through the back door, I carefully tap my boots outside, on the door frame, to knock off any mud. When I finish, I slip them off, leaving them just inside. I've never broken the habits Sue Clearwater ingrained in me when we were kids. The first time I set foot in her father's house with my shoes on, she chased me out, screaming like I'd murdered her cat. After that, I always took off my shoes before stepping onto the front porch or into the house.

" _Charlie Swan, please stop walking around like a barefoot yokel! My parents are starting to think you're crazy."_

I smile at the memory of Sue standing in the doorway of the tiny little rambler her family called home. The screen door was still closed, but I could see her clearly through the pronounced rip down the middle of it. The damage was courtesy of Billy; he accidentally ran through it while trying to escape his mother's switch. Once he got going, it was pretty hard for him to stop running.

" _Then how about you tell me how to keep mud off your mother's floor and not look like hillbilly?"_

I did have a bit of a mouth on me back then, but Sue took in stride. When she got fed up with me, she never failed to put me in my place, usually with a swift kick in the ass. I feel my smile fade a little as the familiar ache blooms to life in my chest. Some wounds never really heal, no matter how much time passes or how much life changes.

_"Son of a whore!"_

My entire body freezes, and for a second it feels like I'm dreaming. When my sense returns to me, I shake my head. Goddamn, she sounds so much like her mother. Even swears like her.

"Leah, language please," I scold her gently, and hear her swear again, this time more quietly.

"Sorry, Uncle Charlie," she says with a little chuckle.

I walk around the counter to find her on her hands and knees scrubbing at the worn linoleum with the world's sorriest looking sponge. It's brown and appears to be spreading more dirt than it is cleaning, but that doesn't stop her from pushing it around the floor in violent little circles. Her hair is up in a loose bun, and sweat is dripping down her face as she looks up at me.

"Morning, Angel," I greet her, feeling my chest swell at the sight of her smile.

"Morning yourself, sweet talker," she replies, getting to her feet and wrapping her arms around my waist.

There are two things in the world I love more than beer and baseball. One is having Bella home, and the other is seeing Leah smile. I kiss her forehead and reluctantly pull back from her arms.

"Where's Dad?" she asks, giving me a quick squeeze before releasing her grip on me.

"In the garage. He insists that the cruiser is running rough," I answer, walking over to the counter.

"Oh, no. What happened?" Leah sounds concerned, but I just give her a reassuring smile.

"He's just jealous, 'cause I was on fire this morning," I brag. Setting the cooler on the counter next to the sink, I open the top to show off my bounty. "I hope you've got room in the freezer."

I instantly sense that something is wrong. Leah usually gives me a compliment on my fishing prowess, or at least cracks a joke about how I'm going to overfish the lake 'till it's empty, but all she does is gasp. Her expression suddenly shifts, her eyes going wide, and her complexion takes on a tinge of green.

_What the holy hell?  
_  
Two seconds later, Leah is face first in the sink, vomiting. I stand there in shock unable to say or do anything. She finishes with one last jerk of her back and turns on the faucet to rinse out her mouth. I silently watch her calmly wash her hands and spray down the sink. After she dries her face and hands on a dish towel, she looks up at me.

"Are you okay, baby?" I whisper, because the look on her face is about to give me a stroke.

She looks like she did the day of her mother's funeral, pale and terrified. Little Leah with wide eyes, and shaking hands. I can't take it, the sight of her like this.

"I've fucked up so bad," she sobs, and falls into my arms.

* * *

Gianna leads us down a long corridor through a pair of open double doors. Edward hesitates on the threshold, giving me a sideways glance. His expression is filled with questions that I can't answer.

"Get a move on," I whisper, gently pushing him into the room, and follow behind like a good little dog.

Floor-to-ceiling windows look out onto the calm waters of Lake Washington, allowing blinding sunlight to pour into the room. To call the scene ostentatious would be an understatement. The Gallos don't do anything small; even on Mercer Island, where the oldest house is still younger than me, their property stands out. Aro crafted a mansion here, using a deliberate architectural nod to the old world. It's evident throughout every room, including this ballroom. It runs the length of the house, elaborately decorated in gold and crystal.

"These were moved from the Penthouse in New York after Mrs. Gallo passed."

Gianna struts along beside the wall, gesturing to countless gold-framed portraits that cover the entire length. "They are a kind of family history, though they aren't all here. Two are currently on loan to the Louvre, and a few of the very old, more fragile ones are being kept, in trust, by the Vatican."

"Who are they?" Edward looks bewildered, and appropriately awestruck.

"Your family," Gianna replies with a proud smile and touches the frame.

Edward grimaces at her words but doesn't argue. _Good boy._ Instead he turns toward the wall and begins to study the pictures. He cautiously approaches a smaller portrait of a young woman with black hair and light blue eyes.

"That is Athenodora, daughter of Count Camillo Benso," Gianna speaks in an almost excited tone, moving to stand beside him. "She married Victor Gallo shortly after the unification of Italy. Her father was instrumental in bringing that about, with the help of the Gallo family, of course."

"I knew that they were an old family, but I had no idea..." Edward's voice trails off, his eyes widening as he turns his head to look down the long wall of portraits.

"I can show you more," she offers, leading him along the wall. She points to different portraits while rattling off boring facts about dead people that mean nothing to me.

"This is Antonio Gallo the Third," Gianna says, gesturing toward a unique, five foot tall portrait. "He was a close advisor to Queen Elizabeth the First and was rumored to have played a pivotal role in the capture of over fifty Spanish ships carrying gold from the Americas. The gold enabled the United Kingdom to recover from a crippling deficit and placed Antonio in a esteemed position..."

She sounds like a fucking tour guide. When we spoke earlier Gianna insisted that she knew how to get Edward to cooperate. While I will never doubt her ability to get anything she wants, I also know that Edward isn't like us. He isn't easily intimidated, and there is no way he is going to be tempted by extravagant displays of wealth. Money means nothing to him. The boy has an unshakable moral compass that goes by the name Carlisle Cullen. The good doctor is the one we should be buttering up, but that has a snowball's chance in hell of working. I hope she knows what she's doing, because right now she's putting me to fucking sleep.

"Darling, while this is all very fascinating, is it really relevant to today's meeting?" I interrupt, and am rewarded with her icy stare.

I give her an innocent shrug, and wave my hand in the air, signaling her to speed it the fuck up. She needs to get on with it and do whatever the hell it is that she has planned. The old man can only going to hold on for so long, and at the rate she's going, he'll be dead before we make it even half way through the Gallo hall of fame.

"I apologize, Edward. It was Aro's intention to show this to you himself," Gianna explains. She seems oddly unnerved as she faces Edward, and looks directly at him. "He wanted you to know about your family and to understand the legacy that you will inherit. It is a tremendous honor to carry the Gallo name."

Within the space of a few seconds, the iron maiden, all-business bitch that I thought I knew has transformed into a timid flower of a girl. It's disconcerting, and deeply disturbing. I want to walk over to touch her, and help her, somehow. I'm allowing myself to become distracted, however, and that's no good.

_Need to stay on point, old boy._

"Where is he?" Edward looks uncomfortable, like a little boy with his hands innocently shoved into his pockets. "I thought I was here to meet with him. I have questions."

"I'm sure you do," Gianna replies, looking defeated, and leads us out of the hallway.

I don't fully understand what she was hoping to accomplish by this tour of Edward's dead relatives; it's unlikely to change his mind about his loyalties. In the end, though, who knows how he's going to react when he sees Aro? A crisis can bring out the worst in the best of us.

The old oak doors give a loud groan of protest as Gianna pushes them open and gestures for us to enter Aro's cavernous bedroom. The drapes have been drawn, making it almost impossible to see clearly in the darkness.

"Aro?" Edward calls out quietly and stumbles into me a little. "Sorry."

"It's fine," I tell him, placing my hand on his arm, and guide him, from memory, to Aro's bedside.

As we draw closer, I don't bother to look up. Instead, I watch as our feet move across the antique carpet. I stop when I see the claw foot of the bed frame and wait. Edward gasps, which tells me that his eyes have finally adjusted to the darkness. He pulls away from me, and I merely watch as he runs to the side of the bed, gently touching Aro's arm.

"What happened?" Edward asks in a strained tone.

His shock doesn't surprise me. It's disquieting even to me to see the old man look, well so _old_. The breathing tube makes his mouth hang open at an undignified gap, and makes him looks more dead than alive. I remember the first day I met Aro Gallo, his presence filled an auditorium the size of football field. He was the main speaker at a pharmaceutical convention, and he ruled that room like a rock star with nothing but a microphone and his charm. Aro was a legend, a god, and now he's just a old man. Withered, and frail, laying like a shriveled doll in the center of his opulent bed. He is surrounded by the best medical equipment that money can buy, and tended by a nurse round the clock. Little good it does him now.

"A stroke," Gianna answers, walking up to stand beside him. She brushes her delicate fingers over Aro's limp hand. "The doctors told him he wasn't strong enough to go out, but he insisted that he needed to go to the funeral. He wanted to be there to support you."

_What kind of bullshit is this?_ Gianna is laying it on thick. Sure, the old man wanted to be at the funeral, but it had more to do with taking care of business than supporting Edward. I bite my tongue as I walk around to the opposite side of the bed to get a better vantage point.

Edward looks stricken and guilty. He's taking it a lot harder than I had anticipated, but I know he'll recover quickly—Edward does well under pressure. Gianna, on the other hand, has me a little rattled.  
Her face is tilted down, and her expression of grief looks pretty damn genuine.

I can't believe that she really loves the old man. I mean, sure, even I'm freaked out at the prospect of a future without Aro at the helm of Volt. The Gallo clan is a greedy horde that has been waiting years for Aro to die, so they could cut up the family estate like a Thanksgiving Day turkey. You can bet if the company is liquidated, my ass will be out on the streets in a New York minute. That's why Gianna's plan _has_ to work—Edward is our only chance to keep the business in one piece and our asses off the street.

"We're here to help you," Gianna says, reaching out to place her hand on Edward's shoulder.

"Thank you," he replies, looking confused, but still gives her a polite smile.

"Edward, I know that this is a lot to process, but there are certain things that we have to address," Gianna starts in too fast, too soon—just like her typical, all-business, bitchy self. I told her that she had to treat him with a gentle touch. Fucking woman needs to learn to listen to me.

" _What?"_ He asks, incredulous. He turns to look at me, always relying on me to be straight with him, and I won't let him down.

"He isn't going to regain consciousness." I look him in the eyes as I speak and don't fake any bullshit sympathy. He needs truth and honesty more than compassion. I know that Edward relies on that, especially in troubled times.

"Oh," he suddenly sounds, and looks, like a little kid again. His gaze drifts back down to look at Aro's pale face. He looks sad, and a little guilty.

_Damn it, Edward, you need to keep it together_ _!_

"Ed!" I snap my fingers, and he immediately looks at me. "We can't keep a lid on this for long. Sooner or later people are going to find out." I glance at Gianna who nods in agreement.

"We will do what we can to delay news of his condition, to give you time to get your affairs in order," she tells Edward somberly.

"My affairs?" He shakes his head, completely clueless. "What are you talking about?" Poor boy's just had the world land in his lap; it's only natural that he's stunned.

"Ed, with Aro gone, you are running the show," I state with a shrug.

"He's not dead, De!" Edward snaps, looking angry. I prefer that over confused any day.

"The Gallo Estate clearly stipulates that if the eldest living male becomes incapacitated, and thus unable to oversee the family business, the next eldest Gallo male is to take his place," Gianna quotes the old, archaic document from memory. The woman is a machine.

"No!" He shakes his head and backs away from the bed, a look of horror on his face. "I don't...I didn't agree to that."

"Edward," Gianna's tone suddenly returns to its regular sharp and bitchy pitch.

_Well, hello darling glad to have you back_.

"You are the only surviving male Gallo, and therefore, the sole heir. It is your duty and your responsibility to carry on the family legacy. That's why Aro wanted to show you the hall; he wanted you to understand exactly what is at stake."

"Isn't there someone else? I can't be the only one," he shakes his head over and over. I'm worried it's going to fly off.

"No! The remaining Gallos are but distant relations—they aren't truly blood relatives. They're nothing more than vultures waiting to swoop in the moment you leave. Remember, you are the son of Caius Antonio Gallo. This is _your_ responsibility!"

"MY responsibility? Who the hell are you to tell me what my responsibly is?" he yells, almost frantic, like a cornered animal.

She stares at him for a long minute, her eyes narrowed, and her mouth twisted into an angry line. I brace myself for her answer, 'cause I am sure it's going to be a doozy. She might just slap him. I can see her hand twitching. Right at the moment when I decide to intervene, maybe call a time out, something in her expression shifts. She takes a deep breath, exhales, and closes her eyes.

"I'm your sister," Gianna softly.

_Wait a second._ _  
_  
"What the fuck?" I scream, with a distressingly uncharacteristic level of hysteria.

"Demetri, get out!" Gianna orders, her fury returning with renewed vigor as she points toward the door.

"Hell no!" I protest, but I stop the second I see her pleading look—it is utterly alien on her beautiful face.

"Please, can we have a moment alone?" Her voice is soft again, and her eyes...is she crying? What's going on? Why didn't she tell me? What is her fucking angle?

"Ed?" I turn to him, hoping to god he stands up for me, for himself. I can't leave him alone with her. I mean, who knows what she'll do, if she's even telling the truth? He shouldn't trust her; he can't!

"Please, just gives us a minute," Edward states it simply, without looking away from Gianna's face. His expression is so fucking vulnerable that it makes my stomach clench with fear.

He's not ready to handle a woman like Gianna. She is going to eat him alive, but he is too wrapped up in her web of bullshit to see it coming. Well, shit, I'm no hero. Even if I was, he clearly isn't asking to be saved. So much for being a good friend.

"Fine!" I storm out of the room with all the grace of a toddler and slam the door behind me. No one said I had to make a graceful exit. I wonder where Consuela is. I need a drink.

* * *

I manage to get Leah into the bathroom before Harry comes in and sees her sobbing. He wouldn't be able to handle it; I'm not doing much better, to be honest. I have no idea how to deal with crying women. It's confusing and scary, with all the...fluids, not to mention all the high pitch squawking. Leah is waving her hand in front of herself, sobbing while trying to talk. I'm only getting every other word in between deep sobs, and those aren't making much sense.

"Sweetheart, please take a breath," I sigh, and kneel beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"O-kay," she says it in this disturbing, hiccupping way that reminds me of Bells.

My chest tightens as I suppress the burning urge to smile. If I've learned anything in my two decades of law enforcement and one failed marriage, it is that you _never_ smile when a women is crying. Leah closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to settle herself.

"Now, tell me again, from the beginning," I say in a gentle tone. I brush her hair out of her eyes, doing my best to wipe the tears from her cheek with my thumb.

"I'm pregnant," she whispers, and starts to tremble.

It feels like I've been hit in the guts with a Mack truck. The look in her eyes plunges me into memories that I haven't allowed myself to think about for years. I recognize that same beautiful face, stricken with guilt and fear.

" _We have to tell him," Sue pleaded, her voice frantic as she paced back and forth in my garage._

" _What good would that do?" I sighed, tossing down my crescent wrench and grabbed the shop rag. "It was a mistake; you said it yourself."_

_I sounded bitter, and I fucking hated it. I rubbed the shop rag over my hands, but it didn't do shit to get out the grease. Her long dark fingers slid over my hands, and I had to close my eyes. Why did she touch me when she knows how much it hurts?_

" _Charlie, it could be yours," she whispered and stepped closer, filling my vision with her beautiful face._

" _It's not." I pulled my hands away, and stepped back from her._

_I couldn't handle her being so close, not when I couldn't have her. It was childish and idiotic, but I've always known that she loved Harry more, and that fact burned me._

" _You don't know that," her voice cracked, and I had to turn away._

_She was still gorgeous, even with tears running down her face. I'd loved her from the day we met. Even in that moment, I could still feel it. It was a living thing, tearing me apart from the inside._

_Sue was a good person. She always did the right thing, even if it would cost her the man she loved. I loved her so much... but I also loved Harry; I just couldn't let her do that. So, I did what needed to be done._

" _I do." I tried to keep my voice steady; she needed me to be strong. "It's Harry's baby. End of story."_

_I dropped the rag and walked out of my garage. I didn't stop walking until I was inside the house and in my bedroom. I slammed my door, and leaned my back against it._

"I can't do this!" Leah chokes out a sob and shakes her head, tears streaming down her face.

* * *

"I wish you were here; you're so much better with words," Gianna speaks in a gentle loving tone, while she adjusts the pillow under Aro's head, and places a kiss on his cheek.

Her eyes dart in my direction, clearly studying me. I square my shoulders and cross my arms. I've had it with the games.

"Gianna, tell me what's going on," I demand, giving her a hard stare.

She lets go a deep sigh. "You should sit; it's a long story," she gestures for me to take a seat while she gathers items from Aro's bedside table.

She sits down next to me, her arms suddenly filled with a collection of items. I can see a picture frame, a bundle of letters bound with a ribbon, and what appears to be a leather-bound photo album. The sight of the innocuous items makes my heart race. My hand itches to reach out and take them from her, but I try to keep still.

"First, I think it's important for you to know that Aro had every intention of easing you into all of this, but his health deteriorated much faster than the doctors anticipated," she speaks in an earnest, rueful tone, and quickly swipes at the corner of her eye with her thumb.

"Anyway," she says, taking a deep breath. She hands me the picture frame. "This is our father, Caius."

I take the picture from her hand and look down into what may as well be a mirror. It's not quite an exact match, but it's close. If I had blond hair and grey eyes, I would look like his twin. A chill passes through me as I stare into the smiling face of my father. He looks so young and nice here—not like an irresponsible drug addict who is going to abandon his family.

"It's quite striking, isn't it? The first day I saw you at the offices it felt like I was seeing a ghost," she laughs, but there's no humor in the sound.

"Did you know him?" I ask. I find myself suddenly desperate for some knowledge about the kind of man our father was.

"No," she says, shaking her head slowly. "Aro didn't find me until I was in high school, long after he was gone."

She looks sad, maybe a bit guilty. I can't imagine what could be going through her head right now, or what's been going on the entire time she's known me.

"How...I mean, who is your-" my pathetically stilted attempt to question her is cut short when she shakes her head.

"Let me start from the beginning, or at least _my_ beginning," she gives my hand a reassuring pat, and opens the photo album. "My mother went to college with Caius. They had to date secretly, because she was Jewish. Even in the twentieth century, the Gallos were never going to approve of their son being with a Jewish girl. To be fair, her family didn't exactly embrace Caius with open arms when they found out she was pregnant with me."

She sighs and hands me the photo album. It's open to a large picture of a girl standing in front of a library. She has Gianna's shining brown hair and a shy smile. I wonder if Caius knew her, and loved her.

"Marie was headstrong and a bit sheltered, or so her sister tells me. When she met Caius, he swept her off her feet. He introduced her to the campus partying scene. They never got into any real trouble—a couple of disciplinary notices about skinny dipping in a fountain, and the time Caius hijacked the PA system at one of the football games to play a song for her," Gianna smiles, but it quickly fades as she continues. "When Marie got pregnant, her parents went to the police, and claimed that Caius raped her. Things went from bad to worse when they went to arrest him and found over an ounce of cocaine in his car. That's when the fairy tale ended. Caius went into rehab, and Marie gave me up for adoption."

"I'm sorry." I don't even know why I'm apologizing, but I feel like I should.

"Don't be," she sighs and puts her hand on my wrist. "I was raised by wonderful parents, and I would have lived happily in ignorance if they hadn't died in a car accident. Aro had finally tracked me down a few years beforehand. He told me that he didn't want to interrupt my life, but wanted to keep an eye on me. To make sure that I was safe." Her smile returns, and a tear slips free to slide down her chin.

I lean over and gently brush it away. She looks at me, and that's when I realize that her eyes are the same color as Caius'. A strange sensation overwhelms me, an unnamable ache that weighs down my chest to much that I'm have difficulty drawing a full breath.

"I know," she whispers, giving me a sympathetic smile. "You're not alone anymore."

That's all I needed to hear. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, and she places her hand on the back of my head. We stay connected for an immeasurable amount of time; it could be a second, or it could be a year. When she finally pulls away from me, it feels premature.

"Now, I need to tell you about your story." She sounds determined as she reaches over to flip the pages of the photo album; she stops on a series of pictures. "That is your mother and Caius. They met while she was involved with a medical trial."

"Yes, she was a patient, and he got her pregnant," I finish for her. I try to not look at the pictures, yet I feel the anger surging through me. "Then he left."

"Oh, Edward—he didn't," she insists and taps the pictures with her fingertip. "He loved your mother. He was trying to get her off drugs. Things didn't go awry until someone saw them together and reported him. He was instantly removed from the trial, but he genuinely had every intention of staying with your mother."

I want to believe what she's saying, but it seems too perfect. Nothing in my life is ever perfect. Perfect feels like a lie.

"You don't have to believe _me_ ," she continues, placing the bundle of letters into my lap. "You can believe _them_. Read and come find me when you're ready to talk."

She stands up, and slowly walks toward the door, but suddenly stops short. I watch her carefully readjust her blouse and skirt. She smoothes out her hair, and even checks her makeup in a nearby mirror, before finally opening the door. I can hear Demetri's voice, but it's cut off when the door the closes..

I stare down at the bundle of letters and the pictures. Caius is holding a smiling young girl in his arms. Her hair glows like shining copper in the sunlight. She has my eyes, and she's very young. I swallow the lump in my throat and open the first envelope.

* * *

_Elizabeth,_

_It's turned cold here, but it is still nothing like the crisp saltiness of Seattle. I miss the Pacific Ocean. She has a kinder heart than the Atlantic. Aro says I'm being a romantic, but I know that you would agree with me. I can't wait for you to visit, so I can show you the sights and flavors of the city. There's this amazing bistro on the Eastside called Pastel. They have such incredible food, and they make these strange desserts from exotic fruits. I know you will love their litchi-lime cheesecake. New York City seems larger and stranger after spending so much time in Seattle, but I think it will feel more like home to me once you arrive._

_I asked Aro to check on you the next time he flies into town. I'm tempted to let him deliver this letter personally, but I'm too impatient. I'm going to mail this right away so you know how much I'm thinking about you. I hope that things are going well for you in treatment._

_Perhaps, if my mother's health improves, I can sneak away to visit you, although Aro doesn't think it will be anytime soon. Mother is still rather cross with me and frequently goes on about how much my disgrace is taxing her already weakened heart. She keeps the house draped in darkness and wears black every day, like she's already mourning her own death. It feels like I'm living in the middle of an Italian funeral that never ends. There are times when I wonder if Father didn't die on purpose, to finally get a moment's rest from her theatrics._

_At least once during each meal she has to bring up how horrible it is that I lost my medical license, but I keep reminding her that the issue isn't final. Invariably, our discussions send her into a fit of hysterical crying, and Aro has to comfort her. I'm tempted to take meals in my room, but I know that it would only increase the frequency of her tantrums. I suppose I will have to suffer with drama-induced indigestion for now._

_I've wasted enough of this letter complaining about my family. I should be telling you about how much I miss you, and that I'm thinking of you every day. I wish we could speak on the phone, but I've been in enough rehabilitation centers to understand why you can't talk to me right now. It will just make our reunion all the sweeter._

_A few days ago, while I was walking through Central Park, I found a heart-shaped stone. Well, to be honest it isn't exactly the right shape, not like the one I gave you. This one is black and lopsided, but I kept it anyway. In fact, I'm holding it in my hand as I write you. Do you still have the other one I gave to you? I wonder if we will ever find another stone as perfect as that one._

_Well, it's growing late, and I can hear Mother calling me. No doubt she's going to make some grand deathbed confessions about how she loves me more than Aro, or how my father never truly cared about her, or something else completely ridiculous. I will do my duty, listen, and try to comfort her, if only to ensure that Aro upholds his part of the bargain and keeps you safe._

_I will write again as soon as I am able. I love you._

_Yours Always_

_C_

* * *

I read through several of the letters; each one has the same tone. They all refer to some agreement with Aro, but it doesn't make any sense. If Caius sent these to my mother, they would have been with her things at the hospital. Why was she on the streets when Caius believed she was in a rehab center? I sort through the letters, confirming that each envelope was addressed to _Puget Sound Health and Wellness Center._ They each have a stamp, and were torn open at the top after being properly sealed, but none of them have a postmark. They look like they relatively untouched, the paper is smooth, and the ink hasn't faded At the bottom of the stack is a worn and wrinkled envelope that looks different from the others. Instead of an address written on the front, it has Aro's name scrawled in large crocked letters. I open it, and pull out the equally well-worn paper inside. The handwriting is sloppy, and the ink is streaked, as if it had gotten wet in several spots. My hands start shaking as I read.

* * *

_Brother, or should_ _I_ _say traditore? I have spent many days in silent contemplation of the many wrongs_ _I_ _have done to deserve your hatred. Clearly, you must hate me, based upon the punishment you have devised for me. You exile me here, with our mother, who berates and belittles me on a daily basis. While this is taking place, you are actively seeking to destroy a younger girl that has never done a single thing to harm you, and all because_ _I_ _love her. You can call me foolish, simple, and childish all you want, but you know that I love her. Even someone as blind as you can see that._

_I carefully explained to you that Elizabeth's sobriety was tenuous at best. I told you that if I were to leave, she would need to be in a secure facility where they could take care of her and keep her safe. You promised me that you would take care of her if I stayed with Mother, and I believed you. I trusted you, and you lied to me. You left me trapped in this house with Mother, where I have no access to money and little contact with the outside world. I have to admit, Father would be very proud of all your skillful maneuvering. I suppose you are the son he wanted after all._

_I'm sure that even now, as you are reading these words, you believe you did this to keep me safe, just as you always have—my brother, my protector to the end. Only that's not entirely true, is it? I know that my mistakes have cost you greatly in the past. I have told you a hundred times that it was never my intention to tear you away from your true love—that was Father's doing. My love has never wavered for you, until now. I never need your intervention. I could have handled the inquests and Carlisle without your intervention, but you just had to get involved._

_Look where all this has gotten us. You march to work every day, living a life you hate. I'm stuck in this old house alone, and Elizabeth is lost. You know that she will never survive on her own. When I found her the first time, she was broken and close to suicide. It was a miracle that she even accepted my help at all, with as badly as her family treated her. And now? Elizabeth is gone, and it's all your fault. How could you do this to me? I can hardly believe that my own brother is capable of acting so cruelly._

_I wish I was as clever as you are. I wish I could have seen, or at least understood, your master plan. I wish that I would have been smart enough not to agree with them. Maybe then, Elizabeth would have been okay._

_I can't do this any longer. I can't live this false life you created for me; not after her. I don't care if you understand, and I don't need your approval. I only wish that I had figured that out sooner._

_May you reap what you sow._

* * *

"Leah," I put my hand on her knee and try to get her to calm down. "You're not alone, baby. You know that, right?"

"I know," she relents, sliding her hand over mine and giving me a weak smile. "Thank you."

I swear, I could handle this entire situation a lot better if I had a gun in my hand. Crying women and bathrooms are way out of my comfort zone, as Bells calls it. Damn Renee and her hippie crap.

"Of course." I give her an encouraging smile, and take a deep breath. "Now, have you talked with the...uh, the guy...you know, the father of the..."

"No! Fuck, no! Shit, god, I'm sorry! Fuck!" She drops her face into her hands and lets out a muffled scream of frustration.

"Well, I don't want to step on your toes, honey, but don't you think that maybe you should?" I grit my teeth even as I speak the words; I know damn well that she's going to bite my head off for even suggesting it.

"I can't tell him. Not after everything I've done already. I'll just move back home and try to find work here." Leah's explanation seems mechanical, almost like she's trying to convince herself more than me. Leah's voice, so much like her mother's, pulls me out of my head, away from my selfish heartache, to the present.

"Leah, I don't think—" she immediately cuts me off.

"No, Uncle Charlie. He hates me, and he has every fucking right to. Shit, I did it again, sorry," she says, looking miserable. "Besides, I think he's already seeing someone else, and she's...a friend. I don't want to hurt her, too. It's better this way, for everyone."

I feel as though I'm listening to myself talk. Her excuses and reasons are only cowardly, ridiculous rationalizations, just like mine were all those years ago. My secrets seemed so much easier to live with back then. Now, I'm just a forty-five year old bachelor with nothing but an empty house and a pension to keep him company. Not that I'm complaining—I've made my bed. But Leah? She has her entire life ahead of her; I won't stand by and let her make the same mistakes I did.

_She was stunning. Even at ninety pounds, pale, and lying at death's doorstep, my Sue was still the most beautiful woman I have ever known._

" _Charlie, we need to talk," her voice is raspy and shaky as hell._

" _We can talk later; you need your rest," I insist and try to leave, but she stops me with an outstretched hand._

" _Sit!" Her fingertips are cold and so rough. She looks so fragile that I don't dare pull away, for fear that I'll accidentally hurt her. It's so hard to see her like this, but I bear it, for her sake._

" _Okay," I grumble, taking a seat in the tiny metal chair, and trying to not look as uncomfortable as I feel._

" _I've struggled with how to tell you this for a long time…" As soon as she speaks, she gets that sad, guilty look in her eyes, and I know what she's going to say._

" _Please don't," I plead, trying to stop her before she says something that we'll both regret._

" _No, Charlie, it's important that you know, now more than ever," She insists, waving her hand at me, and continues to speak. "She's yours."_

" _Sue, I know," I whisper, giving her a guilty grimace._

_I had always known that Leah was mine, from the very first day when I visited Sue and Harry at the hospital. When Harry put Leah into my arms, I felt it in my bones. As time went on, the feeling only grew stronger._

" _How?" Sue's already strained voice cracked._

" _She has my mother's eyes," I tell her with a tired shrug. "Just like Bells."_

_Both my girls have my mother's eyes, and it makes my heart soar to see them together. They are as close as sisters. I've told myself over the years that it's all I've ever wanted—for the people that I love to be happy. Now, as I look at Sue's withering body, and remember how badly I screwed up everything with Renee, I'm not as sure as I used to be. However, I know that there is no sense in dwelling on the past,'cause I can't change it._

" _How did you know?" I ask, out of curiosity._

" _When she cut her leg at Quill's, they gave her a transfusion," Sue speaks in a softy, dreamy tone. "She's O negative."_

" _Just like me." I nod and curl my upper lip into my mouth, so I can chew on my mustache._

_Sue sighs deeply and turns her face away from me. I don't like the sound of it one bit. Before I can think of anything to say, she turns back to me, her face streaked with tears._

" _I'm so sorry, Charlie. It should have never...I should have told Harry," Sue insists with a shake of her head._

"Stop worrying yourself about things that we can't change, Suzzie Q. _What's done is done," I sigh, squeezing her hand and trying to get her to calm down. "All that matters is that Leah is happy and safe."_

" _What about you?" She gives me a sympathetic smile, her stick thin finger sliding over my hand._

" _I've got no complaints," I reply, giving her my bravest smile and praying to God that she believes me._

" _Charlie," she sighs, looking like she's about to light into me._

" _Uncle Charlie!" Leah's voice cuts through the heaviness of our conversation like sunlight through a storm, and I turn in the chair to open my arms to my angel._

" _Leah, you get taller every time I see you," I laugh. I feel a few tears slip free of my eyes, pushed out by my wide, dopey grin._

" _That's silly, you just saw me yesterday!" Leah scolds me with a shake of her head and roll of her eyes._

" _Of course, how silly of me," I chuckle as she kisses my cheek and hugs me before pulling free to crawl onto the bed beside her mother._

" _Mom, why are you crying?" Leah asks, concern darkening her features._

" _I'm happy, dear," Sue says, her eyes on me, as our daughter crawls in to her thin arms._

My girl, my Leah, is so much like her idiot father that it makes me want to scream. I can take anything— a bullet, a long life alone—but I cannot watch her give up her own happiness. I take a deep breath to fight back the tears that threaten to leak out of my eyes.

"Baby girl," I whisper, brushing her hair out of her face, and give her a kiss her forehead. "You've got to stop looking for obstacles."

"You don't understand…" she argues, stubborn as ever.

"Bullshit!" I tip up her chin and force her to look at me. "Do you love him?

She nods and looks away, her eyes filling with tears. It kills me to see her like this.

_Jesus Christ, she looks so much like her mother_.

"Okay, now does he love you?" I watch her face.

"I think so; he did," she whispers, still not looking at me.

"Well, sweetheart, if there's even a remote chance that you can make this work, I think you need to try," I insist, giving her chin a little shake so she'll open her eyes. "I know what it's like to give up on what you really want 'cause you don't think you're good enough for it. I don't want that to happen to you. You deserve to be happy, honey."

She looks at me a long, silent moment, but doesn't say anything, and I wonder if she knows. It doesn't matter either way, what's done is done. While it might be enough for me to just be a part of her life, Leah deserves better. I want to be her happy, and to see her really smile. She says she loves this guy, so that's good enough for me. Of course, if he doesn't treat her right? I'm not going waste any time putting him in the ground.

"Okay, Charlie," she relents.

I'm so stinking happy, I actually want to cry. Instead, I close my eyes and pull her in to me, crushing her in a hug that I've been wanting to give her since the first moment I realized that she was mine. She sobs against my chest, great heaving gasps for breath as she clings to me, and I hold her tightly.


	29. The Definition of Family

"You got the sample, Doctor C?" Demetri stands up from where he was lounging on the hood of the Volt company car, and tucks his phone into the front pocket of his pleated trousers.

Dressed and pressed, just like every young exec at Volt. Demetri reminds me so much of Aro it's almost painful to look at him. I nod, and attempt to hand over the sample.

"Oh no," Demetri says, pushing my hand away. He turns to open the car door for me. "Only you touch the sample, boss' orders."

I assume he means Edward and my heart sinks at the thought of my son taking the mantle over so easily. Edward was such a gentle, compassionate child that I never could imagine him becoming like one of them. Like... _Aro_. Yet here he is now, sending out orders for a DNA test to verify the legitimacy of his own sister.

Caius probably has a dozen bastard children scattered across the country. It still doesn't surprise me that Gianna might be his daughter. She looks the part well enough, with her cold gray eyes, and emotionless response to the news of the test. She attempted to flirt with me while I told her what was required to take the test, and even licked her lips seductively before opening her mouth to allow me to swab her cheek.

I wish she could take the burden off of Edward's shoulders, but I doubt that he would allow anyone else to carry it; that has always been Edward's way. Nothing in his life has ever been easy. Esme and I have done what we could to try to change that, but now I worry that it was all for naught.

" _Carlisle," Esme's whisper rouses me from my deep, dreamless sleep, and I jerk a little in the rocking chair._

_I wipe the dampness from my chin, wishing that I could shake my childhood habit of drooling in my sleep. She just smiles, brushing her knuckles along my cheek, and turns toward Edward's crib. I quickly stand, straightening my pajamas, and move to stand beside her._

_Little Edward squirms and thrashes, his tiny arms flailing free, even though I had placed them in a tight swaddle after his last feeding. His tiny face is red with anger. The sight leaves a familiar burn of guilt in my stomach._

_When I caught Caius and Elizabeth kissing in a dark corner of the hospital parking garage, I was disgusted. Nothing in his behavior had changed, and worse, he was supplying her with drugs. He had given her a prescription bottle, and told her that it would help her. Clearly, Caius had no in interest in helping poor Elizabeth. I confronted him, telling him that he needed to leave the study_ _and_ _Elizabeth alone. He refused, spinning lies about trying to help her and how much he loved her. If he really loved her, he would leave her alone._

_After I reported Caius, I left the study and Volt, believing that I had done the right thing. Afterwards, I assumed that Elizabeth was placed in a treatment facility, because the Volt executives had promised that she would be. I can't believe that I was so naïve._

_I hadn't seen Elizabeth for months when she was brought into the emergency room; I wish that I had known about her condition before she arrived. She was in the third trimester of her pregnancy, and her body was clearly ravaged by drugs and from living on the streets. She was in labor, bleeding profusely, and her placenta was nearly detached_. _It is difficult to save a healthy woman from that kind of blood loss. Elizabeth's body, on the other hand, was already taxed and weak. There was no way she could withstand such trauma. I watched her fade away from hemorrhage,despite my best efforts to save her. Her newborn son, perilously close to death himself, was suddenly left all alone. My overriding thought was how I had caused all this._

" _I'm sorry," I whisper, leaning down to scoop him up from the bed, gently cradling him in my arms while I follow Esme into the kitchen._

" _Do you want to rewrap him now or should I grab the chart first?" She asks. She deliberately leaves the lights low for Edward's sake, but it only gives us the barest amount of light to navigate by._

_Edward's withdrawal symptoms have been greatly reduced since he was born, but his sensitivity to light is still very acute. His tox screen at birth tested positive for cocaine, heroin and alcohol. As a result, his tiny, weak body has been going through intense drug withdrawal. He has been taking methadone and ativan to help him withdraw more easily. The medication has helped ease his tremors have subsided, but he still chews and sucks on his tiny hand. I report all my observations to my wife, and she quickly jots down notes._

_I feel another twinge of guilt when I think of all that my wife has given up for me and for Edward. After Elizabeth's father relinquished all custody, we decided to adopt Edward. While Esme loved her work in the pediatric intensive care unit, she couldn't continue to work full time and help me with the baby. Her decision to leave was a hard one for her to make, but she is the one who proposed it to me. I have the most amazing wife, and I still have no clue what I have done to deserve her._

" _How long was he out this time?" She speaks while still taking notes, and I check the clock on the microwave._

" _Two hours, I think," I reply, and glance back down at Edward's small face, glowing as the dim light reflects on the surface of his skin._

_His eyes are wide and curious, but his mouth is still working furiously on his fingers. I gently tug his fist from his mouth, and am rewarded with a cry of protest._

" _I'll have the bottle ready in a few seconds," Esme announces, walking over to the refrigerator._

" _I'm going to rewrap him now," I tell her, and walk back to the bedroom._

_I carefully swaddle him in his blanket, making sure that his hands are securely pressed against his body, and try my best sing to him. My voice is shaky and off key, but it seems to soothe him a little. Edward seems to respond very well to music, and Esme has already set up a small stereo in the nursery to play classics for him. She is addicted to every new study that comes about child development, and recently read how classical music can enhance brain development in newborns. Despite her repeated scoffs at the mere suggestion, Esme was born to be a mother._

" _Daddy?" Emmett's groggy voice draws my attention to the doorway._

_He shuffles into the room, his pajama-covered feet making a soft shushing sound against the carpet. Poor Emmett has lost a lot of sleep, too, since we've taken in Edward. He bears it like a trooper, though._

" _Hey, buddy, did baby brother wake you?" I ask, sitting on the edge of our bed. I move Edward into my other arm so I can lift Emmett up to sit beside me._

" _Yeah," he sighs, leaning against my side, and yawns. "He hungry?"_

" _Yes. Your mom is making something for him," I answer, brushing his unruly hair out of his eyes, and make a mental note that we need to get it trimmed._

" _Ice cream?" He gives me a hopeful grin, his face lighting up despite the puffiness beneath his eyes._

" _No ice cream," Esme says, striding into the room and handing me the bottle. "Back to bed, my little con-artist."_

_Emmett grumbles, but slides off the bed, and shuffles out of the room. I chuckle, and give Edward the bottle, making sure that he is latching on before looking up at my wife. She knows me so well; if left to my own devices I would have given Emmett anything he wanted, even ice cream at three in the morning._

" _I'll tuck him in, and be right back," Esme says, leaning down to place a soft kiss on Edward's tiny forehead, and gives me a loving smile._

" _Thank you," I whisper, catching her lips for a quick kiss._

_She pulls back, and looks at me for a second. "No need for thanks. He's family."_

_With that she walks out of the room, leaving me with our son. I wipe away the stray tears that escape from my eyes, and smile down at Edward who has devoured over half the bottle already. His appetite grows stronger every day, just as his symptoms are beginning to subside. Along with Esme's words, his growing strength give me hope that I've done the right thing, even if it feels selfish._

"Adrian said he would meet us at the lab," Demetri announces, his eyes still glued to the screen of his phone as he types out a text message.

"Good," I sigh, reclining into the limo's leather seat.

It is utterly ridiculous that we're riding a limo instead of driving in my Cadillac, but Demetri insisted on picking me up. Of course, he only uses company cars. He lets out a small chuckle, and I glance over at him to find him still staring at his phone. He is smiling, but his mouth is too wide, and it makes his teeth look sharp. My mind quickly replaces his sharp features with Edward's and my stomach lurches at the image of my son in this life, this world.

"Don't worry Doc, I'm sure everything will turn out fine," Demetri says, tapping his knuckles playfully against side of my knee.

I give him a polite nod, and turn to look out the window. He sighs heavily and I can hear his phone buzzing again. I wish his words brought me a semblance of comfort, but it's like being comforted by the devil.

* * *

"Ed," Emmett startles me, catching the door in his large hand just as I'm stepping into the foyer of our childhood home.

"Hi," I answer in a soft whisper, and drop my hand from the doorknob.

He wasn't supposed to be here. Alice said that he and Rose were furniture shopping all weekend, since he broke her recliners while wrestling with Chewie. I can't even wrap my mind around how the two of them fit into the chair together.

"Got a minute?" He gives me a friendly smile, placing his hand on my chest and pushes me back outside.

"Sssure," I stutter needlessly, and try to not trip over the doormat, while he closes the door.

"So, Dad's doing some Volt thing for you?" He phrased it like a question, but it felt like a statement.

"Yes," I answer with a slow nod of my head, while he stares at me expectantly, like he wants more details. "It's not something I can really talk about."

I don't want to talk to them about this, not yet. Carlisle understood, or at least he seemed to, when I asked for his help with the DNA test that Demetri had insisted upon. While I appreciate his concern for me, and it does makes logical sense, it still feels wrong to put Gianna through a screening to prove what I already know is true. She is my sister; I'm certain of it, just like I know that Emmett is my brother even though we aren't truly related. I wish I could explain it to him right now, but every time I try to speak about it, my throat tightens, and I feel the tears begin to gather in the corners of my eyes.

"Like you couldn't talk about fucking Leah?" Emmett's words jolt me out of my thoughts, throwing me off balance and making me afraid to look him in the eyes.

"Em...I didn't mean...it's complicated," I finally finish in a rush. My guilty conscience causes my cheeks to flush with heat, and makes my palms sweaty.

"Ed," he states with an eruption of air that startles me a little, causing me to jump.

He places his hands on my shoulders, pulling me closer to him, but I still can't look him in the eyes. I shouldn't have done this to him. No matter how I rationalized it to myself, I know how much Emmett loved Leah, and how much he still cares for her. I've crossed a line, and I don't know how to take it back.

"Look at me, Ed," Emmett whispers, bumping his head into mine. It doesn't hurt, but rattles me a little.

I look up at him, and discover that he is smiling. His eyes are pinched at the corners, but not out of anger or disappointment. My chest feels lighter in an instant as I realize that he doesn't hate me.

"I'm so sorry," I choke out, feeling like a little kid again.

"Aww shit, man," he coughs, and pulls me into his arms, his voice sounding a suspiciously strained.

"I should have told you," I speak into the soft cotton of his t-shirt. I take a deep breath to push back my tears before they start to fall; I've cried too much in the last couple of weeks.

"I just wish I had known so I could have warned you," he sighs, pushing me back and giving me a sympathetic smile. "Leah is one hell of a woman, but loving her is like sticking your heart in a meat grinder."

"I won't argue with that," I agree, letting out a shaky breath.

Our attention is directed back to the house when we hear the front door fling open. Esme is standing there, smiling at both of us as she puts in her earrings, and steps out of the door.

"There you are! Come on we're going to be late," she says, heading toward my car.

"You heard her," Emmett laughs, pushing me down the driveway.

"Thanks," I call out to him, but he's already walking into the house, his back to me.

Esme is tapping on the roof of my car impatiently, so I rush to unlock it for her. I quickly pull out my phone to double-check the time, then climb into the car.

"Why are you in such a rush? We have a half hour before Sunday service starts," I ask. I start the car, and begin to back out of the driveway.

"We're not going to church," Esme says, while checking her lipstick in her compact mirror.

"Where are we going?" I put the car into the drive, and slowly pull toward the edge of the driveway, waiting for her answer.

"We have a family counseling session with Jane," Esme answers nonchalantly, and then proceeds to tell me how to get to the treatment center.

Twenty minutes later, I'm sitting in a poorly-upholstered chair that smells like corn chips, in a room that is too white, and Esme is sitting beside me. She is nervous; I can tell by the way she keeps fidgeting with her purse. Jane is sitting across from us, wearing pale pink pajamas that make her look even more childlike. Her eyes are fixed on the ground, and her bottom lip is formed into a little pout. She has bright red hospital socks, and both of her feet are perched on the top of Jasper's worn army boot.

I raise my eyes to look at him, lounging in the chair next to Jane's. He looks completely at home, just like he does everywhere he goes. He gives me an encouraging smile that holds a hint of some other emotion that I can't place. I force my gaze away from my best friend, despite the thousands of questions that are swirling in my mind, because Jane is talking again and I need to understand her.

"I don't want to be a burden...on the Cullens," Jane speaks in a timid voice that sounds nothing like her, and she turns her body slightly away from us.

Jasper immediately straightens in his chair, placing a hand over her wrist, and whispers something to her. Something about how he does it makes me burn with anger. I want to charge across the small space separating us, and...do what, exactly? My initial urge is to push Jane away from him, but that is so ridiculous that I squash it immediately. Jasper would never hurt Jane. I can see it in the tender way that he touches her arm, and the way he inclines his head toward her when he speaks. There is nothing inappropriate about his behavior. It is comforting, friendly. Almost _paternal_.

That is what's striking me as _wrong_. I should be the one comforting Jane. She is my responsibility, not Jasper's. I have been the one taking care of her, and doing a damn good job of it. So, why is he interfering? I want to ask him, but this isn't the time or place, not in front of Jane.

Ethan, the counselor in charge of our session, pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, while he turns to face us.

"Esme, how do you feel about what Jane said?" He asks.

He doesn't look much older than me, and something about that irritates me. I don't trust his opinion, especially since he seems to be supporting this whole situation. It makes me grimace to even think about what's being proposed.

"I feel concerned for Jasper as well as Jane," Esme replies in an even tone, her face full of compassion. "While it's very generous of Jasper to offer to take custody of Jane, I am not sure it is the best thing for either of them. Parenting is a full time job."

"I'm not a baby," Jane interrupts, though she doesn't look up.

"Jane, please give Esme a chance to speak," Ethan states in his infuriatingly even tone.

"No, you are not. You are a teenage girl that has a great deal of schooling to catch up on," Esme continues, as if Ethan never spoke. "You are also an addict who will need to keep attending meetings regularly."

"Jasper understands what I'm-" Jane stops herself mid-sentence, and raises her eyes to meet Ethan's, who gives her a nod.

"I would like to hear what Jasper has to say," Esme says, nodding toward Jasper.

"I'm here for Jane in whatever capacity she requires," he replies, gently patting her shoulder, and continues. "Alice and I have spoken about it at length, we know it won't be easy, but if it's what Janey wants, we will welcome her with open arms."

I hate it. All of it. The way that Jane smiles, Jasper's look of confidence, even Esme's resigned sigh. She is supposed to fix this; if anyone knows how to get kids to do the right thing, it's Esme Cullen. She made it look so easy when I was growing up, but now she looks so defeated. The sight of her shrug sends fear rushing through me.

"No!" It comes out of my mouth before I can stop myself.

"Ed-" Ethan is about to speak, but Esme waves him off, and nods at me. I don't know what else to say, but Jane picks up where I left off.

"No? Who the fuck are you to say what happens to me?" Jane finally looks at me, and all I can see is hate in her eyes.

"I'm the one who got you off the streets in the first place," I spit back. I let her anger fan the flames of my rage. "I gave you a home, food and safety. That's who the hell I am!"

"I'm not your mother, Edward!" Jane fires back, and for a second I'm confused.

"Jane!" Esme whispers in a scolding tone. I turn to see her shocked expression and suddenly I understand Jane's words. Esme told her about my birth mother. I look back at Jane who is staring at the floor again.

"How about we take a quick break?" Jasper says, giving Esme a meaningful look.

I stand up from my chair, and head toward the door. I can't stand to be in this tiny room a minute longer. The humiliation and betrayal are making me sick. I manage to get a few paces down the hallway before Esme catches up with me.

"Edward, please," she calls out, grabbing my arm.

"No," I shout, whipping around to face her, and pull my arm free. "You told her! Why? How could you?"

She straightens, catches her breath, and gives the same sympathetic smile she used to always give me when she needed to deliver some bad news. "I thought it was important for her to understand what you've been through."

"A lot of good it did," I grumble, feeling like a petulant child. I let her pull me over to a group of empty plastic chairs.

"You can't be completely surprised," she says, taking a seat and patting the chair next to her.

"Actually, I can," I counter, collapsing into the stiff plastic chair, and leaning my head against the wall. "At the funeral, you said that the paperwork was already being processed."

"It was," she sighs, digging in her purse and produces a peppermint. "I only learned about her changing her mind a few days ago."

"What changed?" I shake my head, and put my face in my hands.

"Edward," she sighs heavily, and places her hand on the back of my neck, gently rubbing at the tense muscles. "Sometimes the people who need love the most fight the hardest to keep it away."

I nod my head, but I want to scream. Her words used to bring me comfort, but now they only punctuate how powerless I am. How do you love someone when they won't let you? I haven't had any success with Leah. What hope did I have with Jane? Maybe it is better this way. Jasper does seem to care. He and Alice may be eccentric, but their relationship is as strong and unshakable as Carlisle and Esme's.

"Are you saying we should give up?" I ask, because I'm not sure of anything anymore.

"I'm saying that you need to decide if you want to fight for her," Esme replies, putting her hand under my chin and forcing me look at her. "Because you're going to have to fight Jane herself, not Jasper."

"Why is she making this so difficult?" I lean back and shake my head in frustration.

"Honey, her whole life has been difficult, that's the normal state of things for her," she chuckles, but she isn't smiling.

She looks so tired and sad, and it makes me feel guilty. All my life, Esme has seemed so full of energy and light. No matter how tough things got. she always had a smile and positive word for me. Lately, though, she seems worn down.

"Mom-" I choke on the words, and reach for her, feeling lost.

"Oh sweetheart," she pulls me into her arms, and I cling to her like a frightened child.

I want to apologize for this, for everything I have ever put her through. She has been the best mother any child could have asked for, and I have done nothing but taken her for granted. How could I ever feel like she wasn't my real mother?

"Don't worry," she whispers to me, her fingers combing through my hair just like she used to do when I was a child. "No matter what happens, Jane will be our family. Not because some paper says she is, but because we love her. That's how true families are made, honey. With love."

I nod against her shoulder, understanding what she is trying to say. I breathe in the sweet smell of her perfume sweeping over me; it makes my inner turmoil settle down instantly. Everything about her soothes me. I take a deep breath, and pull back from her embrace.

"Thank you...for _everything_ ," I tell her, cradling her face between my hands.

"No need for thanks. We're family," she replies, still smiling at me despite the tears that are sliding down her face.

I hug her again, a little tighter. We stay that way for a few silent moments, until she finally pulls free of my arms to fix her make up. I watch her wipe at her tears with a tissue, enjoying how much happier she seems.

"A word," Jasper walks up to us, a pained smile on his face.

"Of course," Esme rises from her seat, taking a quick moment to kiss the top of my head, and whispers to me. "We're _all_ family, remember that."

As she walks away, Jasper takes her seat and lets out a heavy sigh. His sigh may as well be a match, because my anger reignites in an instant.

_Fuck giving up_.

Jasper's solution may seem like the easy answer, but can he really help Jane? He's not an addict—he doesn't understand how easy it is to relapse. Could he do what it takes to keep her truly safe? I want to say that he could. I've always trusted him to be there for me when _I_ needed him, but this different. This is Jane, and I just can't trust anyone to keep her safe. That's _my_ job.

"It's not going to happen," I tell him, leaning in to make sure that he hears the anger in my tone.

"Oh really?" Jasper raises an eyebrow, and reclines back in his chair.

He appears relaxed, but I can see his biceps flexing under the edge of his t-shirt. Jasper doesn't like being threatened; it sets him off and can lead to getting punched. I know it's stupid to antagonize him like this, but I can't help myself. He needs to understand that I'm serious.

"Yes," I answer, turning in my seat to face him. "We both know that Jane would be better off with my parents or with me. She needs me to help her with her recovery."

"Is that a fact?" He crosses his arms over his chest, and tilts his head to the side. "How are you going to help her when you're busy running a multimillion dollar corporation?"

His question stops me mid thought. How does he know? Carlisle is the only one in the family that knows about Aro and the estate.

* * *

"Ed, I'm not the enemy," I sigh, and unfold his arms. "I'm on your side."

Edward gives me a look that makes it clear just how much he doubts that I'm on his side. He also looks like I caught him with his cock out of his pants, and that's making him a bit deaf to my words. It's my own fault. I shouldn't have told him that I know about Volt, but I had to do something. My nuts have been in a twist since that fucker Demetri called me this morning to brag about it.

That little parasite's hate for me, and envy of my relationship with Alice knows no bounds. He couldn't pass up the chance to get a dig in, especially since he knows how much I loathe that fucking company and everything it represents. Edward isn't that kind of man, no matter his blood. We have that in common, but it's not my place to tell him that, but I can keep Jane safe while Edward sorts out his own life.

To make matters worse, Edward has to push my buttons by getting in my face. Goddamn me if it didn't take everything I have to not knock out his teeth when he leaned into me like that.

_Time out, Jaz,_ I tell myself. _He's lost a lot in the last little while, and you knew he wasn't going to handle this shit with Jane well._ I need to proceed gently. Edward is as agitated as wet cat. One false step and he is going to blow things up.

"Ed, I know you've got obligations. You always do your best to live up to them, but you can't do it all on your own," I try to reassure him, and place my hand on his shoulder. "I'm here to help."

"By taking Jane?" He shrugs off my hand, and stands up, pacing in front of me. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but this isn't your problem."

"Jane is not a _problem_." I stand up and stop him with a hand on his center of his chest. "I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, Ed, but I'm also not going to stand by and refuse to help my family when they need it."

He looks at my hand and raises his eyes to meet mine with a stubborn expression on his face. "I don't need your help."

"I'm not talking about _you_ ," I growl, curling my fingers into the fabric of this shirt.

"Hey," Edward gives a weak protest. Maybe I just don't care how hard he fights me, 'cause I'm not letting go of him until this sinks in.

I find a door marked _Staff Lounge_ , and drag him inside. It's an empty room with a couple of tables and vending machines—it's the perfect place for us to talk. Edward is trying to smooth down the part of his shirt that is wrinkled. His face is twisted in anger and confusion. I never intended to tell him about this. After telling Leah and finally coming clean with Alice, I thought that I had finally put it all behind me.

"I take it you have a reason for dragging me in here," his tone is arrogant and condescending.

He's already starting to sound like them and it makes my stomach turn. The man in front of me isn't Edward, my best friend. This man is all about money and power; it does bad things to good people. I should know.

"Maria was a late baby. My mother and stepfather thought they were done having kids after my brother Jackson was born."

My voice sounds strange as I start the story from the middle, but there's no need to tell Edward that I'm the bastard son from one of the richest oil dynasty in Texas. This story is about Maria and Jackson.

"I don't understand. You said you don't have any siblings," Edward says, shaking his head. I can see his anger quickly dissipating.

"I don't have any that are _alive_ ," I reply, pulling up a chair and taking a seat. "Maria was willful and just about as sharp as they come. My mother had a hell of a time keeping her under control, but I always had a way with her. We were like peas in a pod."

I'm lost in my memories, the images so clear in my mind—Maria's sparkling brown eyes, her short, punk-style hair dyed in just about every color under the sun.

"My baby sister loved to sing and play piano. She would serenade me while I worked on my homework, and tried to tutor her, but she had no attention for it. Whenever I would try to quiz her on her homework she would start to sing. Her voice could make the angels weep with envy."

"By the time I was twenty, I got tired of being my stepfather's whipping boy. Jackson was going to be graduating soon, and my stepfather was impatient for his _real_ son to take over the business. There was no need for me to stay. At twelve, Maria didn't understand what it was like for me, and I didn't necessarily want to her know. I escaped the only way I could, by enlisting in the army.

"When my little sister got the news that I would be shipping out for boot camp, she sent her dinner flying across the table to collide with the dining room wall, and ran to her room., To say took the news badly was a great understatement. That's the Maria I remember, to this day. She was a small, petulant firecracker that couldn't be controlled _."_

"When I returned two years later, I discovered just how much she couldn't be controlled," I confess, realizing that my nails are digging into the skin of my palms, leaving deep moon-shaped cuts. "She got it in her head that she was in love with this shitbag drug dealer called Ray. He got her hooked on meth and had her turning tricks for him before long."

"Fresh from the battlefield in Iraq, I was determined to find Maria, then hunt Ray down and kill him. Jackson, being the good businessman that his father had taught him to be, talked me down. He tricked me into staying at our mother's ranch, insisting that he would have a better luck getting information on their whereabouts. When I didn't hear from him the next morning, I knew something went wrong. The authorities found his body on the side of the highway, with two bullets in him—one in his head and the other in his chest."

"When I finally tracked down Maria, she had overdosed days before I arrived. They had just left her in a filthy motel room to rot, like garbage," I told Edward, leaving it at that, omitting the rest of the story.

He didn't need to know that I tracked Ray over the next year, doing all manner of unsavory things, until fortune put us face to face. By the time the Lubbock sheriff's department caught up with me, they had a pretty solid case for the murder of Ray and four of his friends. Nana Whitlock refused to let her last remaining grandchild go to prison—despite the fact that no self-respecting Texas prosecutor would ever send a white veteran from a wealthy family to the chair. She paid the appropriate parties, and I was acquitted of all charges; not an easy feat in a state that still actively sends people to the electric chair.

"After that, I hopped the first bus out of Texas," I sigh, and finally allow myself to look at Edward. "I left my family defenseless when they needed me most, and I won't do it again. Jane is family, _our_ family. I will do what needs to be done, to keep her safe. No matter what."

* * *

I'm stunned and a little shaken, by Jasper's admission. We have known each other for years, and he never told me about the death of his brother and sister. I understand why, but I wish he had told me sooner.

"Thank you for sharing that with me," I say, wanting to move, but I can't seem to move from my seat.

"I didn't want to burden you with it, but I need you to understand that I am not doing this to undermine you," he insists, his eyes glistening in the florescent light. "I'm doing this to keep Jane safe."

I reach out, and put my hand over his, because I feel I need him to understand that I mean what I'm about to say.

"We both want the same thing," I tell him, and look him in the eyes, trying to will him to believe me. "If I get to her agree to living with my parents, will you be okay with that?"

"Of course," he agrees. "This whole thing was _her_ idea. I agreed to keep her close and prevent her from trying to run."

"Let me talk to her and we'll see what she says, okay?" He nods, then his trademark smile spreads across his lips.

Looking at me through his eyelashes, he licks his lips. "Hey, Ed, you've got a pretty mouth."

"Fuck you," I yelp, giving him a shove as he starts to laugh, and I can't help but chuckle a little.

* * *

Ethan's staring at his notebook, like there's some answer to all this in the shit he's been doodling. I shift in my seat, wondering if I should just ask to go back to my room. This whole thing was a bad idea. Sure, it was my idea, but I didn't really think it through. I just wanted to be out of here, and I don't want to keep burdening Esme with my bullshit.

She may tell me it's no big deal, but I also see how she grimaces and gets teary when we've been in sessions together, when I'm telling them everything that's happened to me over the years. At first, I thought it would be embarrassing to tell them the details. Somehow, having Jasper here makes it easier; saying it out loud helps, too. I've forgotten so much, or at least forbid myself to think about all the stuff I had to do to keep me and Alec going. You can talk yourself into doing a lot of crazy fucked up shit when you haven't eaten in a couple of days.

No matter how fucked up my story is, Jasper never flinches. He has this weird knack for getting me to laugh even when I want to punch someone in the throat. The idea of living with him doesn't feel as pathetic as taking charity from Edward's parents. That makes me feel like I'm some stray dog that he took in and forgot about when left for college.

Today was the first time I've seen him since the funeral. He looks so different. I think he got a haircut and he actually shaved. Edward looks like one of those slick Beltown fuckers with his black suit and air of superiority, like I should fell privileged to have even a second of his attention. I don't know who the fucking this arrogant fucker is, but he's not Edward, or maybe this is who he was all along. Maybe Alec and I were just a pet project to distract him. Now, he seems put out by even being here for this meeting. Sometimes it really sucks to be right, especially when deep down I was hoping I was wrong about him.

"Hey," Chelsea walks into the room, her casual smile in place as she walks over to Ethan. "Did I already miss the family session?"

"No, we're just on break," Ethan says. As he scrambles to stand, his glasses nearly fall off and I have to look away from his awkward little display before I start to laugh my ass off.

"Jane," Chelsea says my name likes she's scolding a dog for getting into the trash. "What happened?"

I take a deep breath, and turn to glare at her, "I did what you told me to do."

"Oh," she sighs, sliding into the chair beside me, Jasper's chair. "They didn't take the news well, eh?"

"Nope," I answer, looking down at my nails and try to resist the urge to chew on them.

"I think that they just need some time to adjust to the new situation," Ethan adds, like a fucking ass kissing tool.

"What do you think, Jane?" Chelsea puts her hand over mine, and lifts my chin with her other hand.

She has the brightest, clearest blue eyes. They make me feel small and awkward. I hate how she always wants to look me in the eye when we talk, like she actually gives a shit. Normal people don't look you in the eyes when they talk to you. They look past you, thinking of what they're going to say next instead of listening to you. Or they talk over you, because you're just a stupid kid who doesn't know what she's talking about, but this is different.

When I look at Chelsea, or even Esme and Jasper I feel like they really sees me, like I really exist. The first time I felt that way in a long time was when I first met Edward. Now, when he looks at me all I see is guilt and anger, like he's been called on his shit and he wants to runaway. I wish it didn't hurt to see that in his eyes. I wish I didn't care.

"I think that I don't give a shit," I reply, yanking my chin out of her grasp, and turn to look at the floor. "I've made my choice, and Jasper said yes. It's as good as done."

"Then why don't you look happy?" Chelsea keeps pushing, like she's picking a scab. "This is what you want, right?"

I nod my head, but still can't look at her. It's mostly right. Living with Jasper is a better option than living with the Cullens. Deep down, it's not what I really want, but what I really want would be impossible, especially now.

"Jane-"Chelsea is cut off from whatever she was about to say by the door abruptly opening.

"Can I speak with Jane?" I look up and see Edward slipping into the room. He looks sheepish, like a kid sneaking into principal's office. For a second, he looks like the old Edward—the one who would let me stay up late to read in his office while he worked, or would let us watch R-rated movies in the TV room as long as we didn't tell the rest of the staff. I miss that Edward.

"Sure," Chelsea says, standing up to greet him. "I'm Chelsea, Jane's regular advisor."

"Nice to meet you," Edward says, like a stuffy old man, and shakes her hand.

"Ethan, can you give us a moment?" Chelsea gestures toward the door, and takes the seat he had been using.

"Uh, okay," Ethan replies, making a quick exit, but still gets in a couple nervous glances at Chelsea's legs before he leaves.

_Guys are such creeps._

Edward takes a seat opposite me, and gives me a little smile. He looks kind of sad; for some reason, that makes my chest ache. Suddenly, I start to think about Alec. I can still remember my brother's pale face, red-rimmed eyes and knowing smile. It's like he knew how much it hurt me to leave him in the bed, alone. Alec was always the stronger one.

"Why do you want to go live with Jasper?" Edward's question throws me off. It's unexpected, because I've already answered it.

"I told you. I'm more comfortable with him, plus I don't want to be a burden-" He cuts me off with the shake of his head, and talks over me, pissing me off.

"Nope. I've heard that bullshit answer. Now tell me the truth," he says, giving me that stern look he always does when he thinks he knows what I'm gonna say. Fucking know-it-all.

"Truth? You wanna know the truth?" I can't stop the words from coming out of my mouth. He's being a dick, and he's making me think of Alec. "I don't want your charity. I don't want to be your parent's pet project."

"I thought that we talked about this, Jane. It's not charity, and you know it," Edward sighs, combing his fingers though his hair. "Remember when we first talked about getting you clean, about how you wanted a better life. That's what you can have with my parents."

Now he's done it. He just had to bring out that first conversation, but he conveniently forgot about the most important part.

"I remember, Edward! I didn't say that I wanted a better life! I said I wanted _Alec_ to have a better life," I'm standing, and I don't even remember moving, my finger is in his face, but I can't help it. "Remember the deal? You keep him alive and I keep clean?"

The tears are pouring from my eyes, and I hate him even more for making me cry. He's not worth my tears or this twisting, sick pain in my stomach. It's got to be the withdrawal, even though Chelsea says I'm through it. These must be residuals. Edward shouldn't matter for shit to me, because I sure as shit don't mean anything to him.

"That wasn't the only deal I made that day, Jane," he says it in a low rumbling tone. His face is down, so I can't tell if he's angry or sad. "Alec wanted a better life for you, too. He never wanted the surgery, but he did want his sister to be sober and happy."

"No shit! I knew that and I went along because you were supposed to him make him better, but now he's dead," I spit at him. I curl my fingers into the front of my shirt to keep from slapping his face. "Do you hear me? The good one's dead, so you can just leave me the fuck alone!"

"No!" He stands up in front of me, and wraps his hands around my face. "I'm never going to give up on you. I love you too, just as much as I loved him."

I try to shake my head, but his hands keep me still. Where is Chelsea? Isn't she supposed to keep him from touching me? I can't look at him, not when I'm crying. Why does he have to keep lying like this? What's the fucking point?

"It's the truth, Jane," Edward whispers, tilting his head up to kiss my forehead. "I want you to live with me. You're my family and I'm not going to leave you."

I open my mouth to call him a liar, but all that comes out is this horrible, rattling sob. My knees start to give out, and I cling to him to keep from falling to the floor. It's not real. It couldn't be, because I never, ever get what I want. Even as I try to deny it, Edward holds me in his arms, promising that he will always be there for me. He rambles on about paperwork, and private tutors, but all I can think is: _This can't be real._

* * *

_Hey, Edward. How have things been? Yeah, that's great. Well guess what? You're a daddy!_ I internally groan at the lame shit I'm coming up with for the conversation I've dreading all weekend. It's Monday, and I have fifteen minutes left on my lunch break. I shouldn't put it off any longer, best to call now and get it over it.

I sit there and stare at my phone. Edward's picture is from years ago. His eyes are rolled up, and his hand is at a very limp angle. I don't even remember when I took it, but I used to always get a laugh out of it whenever he called me about something. Now it makes me want to smile and cry.

I've seen this silly side of him. When I close my eyes, I can still remember when he accidentally snorted beer through his nose while we were watching Jeopardy. I made a crack about Lord Byron being a stoned ass raper. Edward's face was a hilarious combination of shock, amusement and discomfort. He is so beautiful even when he's acting like a total spaz.

_Fuck!_

"Hey there," Kim's voice startles me, making me jump a little and I nearly drop my phone.

She slides onto the edge of my desk, leaning over to give me a motherly look of concern.

"Hey," I answer, pressing my phone to my chest like a dork. I try to give her a relaxed smile.

"You doing okay?" She raises her eyebrows, and watches me closely as I flounder.

_Let's see…I'm pregnant. The father hates my guts, and is possibly dating my best friend. The only thing I can keep down is crackers and ginger ale. Okay...yeah, I'm about as far from okay as you can get._

"Sure," I reply, trying to sound light and carefree, but my voice does this weird squeak thing that hurts my ears.

Kim stares at me in silence for a few long minutes, before taking a deep breath and sliding off my desk. She's a mother of a teenage son. I have a feeling she knows the smell of bullshit pretty well.

"Okay. If you want to talk about it, you have my number," she says, patting my shoulder, then walks back over to her own desk.

The other girls are looking very interested in their work, almost _too_ interested. I resist the urge to groan out loud. I check the clock. Five minutes left before the end of my lunch break. It's now or never.

My phone suddenly comes alive in my hands, buzzing and blaring Florence and the Machine's _Cosmic Love._ Shit! It's Bella. I immediately take the call.

"Yo," I say, surprising myself with how calm I sound.

"There you are!" She yells into the phone, making me pull the phone away from my ear a little.

"Yeah, what's up?" I don't bother to keep the irritation out of my tone; it does a good job of covering my nerves.

"Nothing. Just wondering if you're alive or dead!" She sounds exasperated, but there's a hint of laughter in her voice, and I am so thankful to hear it.

"Sorry about that. I needed to take care of some stuff on the rez," I apologize, and smile a little as she snorts at my shitty explanation. "It sounds like you survived without me. The apartment didn't look too bad when I stopped by this morning."

"You were here this morning? Why didn't you wake me up?" She sounds so cute when she's pouty that I actually laugh a little.

"It was five in the morning. I figured you'd prefer to sleep," I reply, leaning back in my chair, and stretch my arm above my head.

"Fine, you have a point. Anyway, now that you're back, we need to make some plans."

Bella sounds excited, like she might have something to tell me, and my stomach sinks at the prospect of what it could me.

"That sounds great," I say. I try to swallow around the giant, bitter lump lodged in my throat, and remind myself that I don't really want to throw up at my desk. "How about tonight? We could make it a girls night, watch movies and eat popcorn."

I need to deal with this, rip off the bandaid, and let her spill her news to me. It's going to suck to pretend to be happy about her and Edward, but I can handle it. We're all going to have to learn how to deal with the fucked situation eventually, unless he doesn't want anything to do with the baby. I dismiss that thought. If there is one thing about the Cullens, they do not turn their back on family— _ever_.

"Oh, um..." Bella's voice suddenly falters, and she begins to hem and haw. "Well, I kind of have plans tonight."

_Plans._ I bet that is a code word for _date_. Fuck, she's got a date with Edward, tonight. I think I'm really going to puke now.

"Oh. Okay, well, how about Tuesday instead?" I try to keep the smile in my voice, and swallow a small gulp of air to fight back the nausea.

"Sure, sounds great," she replies, relief and happiness in her tone.

"Cool. I need to get back to work. I'll talk to you when I get home," I ramble quickly into the phone and hang up.

I run as fast as I can, and even then I barely make it inside the bathroom stall before I'm throwing up. With each spasm, my body curls in on itself, and tears pour from my eyes. My heart pounds in my ears, but all of that is nothing compared to the pain that's screaming through my mind. Bella has a date with Edward. How am I ever going to be okay with seeing them together?

Once I'm completely empty, I pull a bit of toilet paper off the roll and wipe my mouth. As I'm about to toss it into the toilet and flush it, a size six Converse All Star appears beside me. I turn my head to see Kim's sympathetic smile as she uses the toe of her sneaker to push the knob to flush the toilet for me. Without a word she helps me stand and walks me over to the sink. I'm sure we look ridiculous. She's tiny compared to me and yet she shoulders my weight like I'm a feather. We stand there, while the faucet runs, and she looks at me.

"Remember, I'm here if you need to talk," she says with another one of those motherly smiles, and walks out of the bathroom.


	30. Soon We'll be Found

_There are no happy endings_ _,_ _because nothing ends._

_The Last Unicorn_

I finally stumble through my doorway at seven-o-clock. After a long day at work and a horrible accident on I-5 that tripled the time it usually takes me to get home, I am beat. I kick the door closed, and toe off my shoes. My apartment looks so strange and kind of empty.

"Bells?" I call out, but no answer comes.

She must have already left on her _date_. I feel a tightening pain in my chest when I think about it, so I try to distract myself with rooting through the refrigerator for something to eat. Work was so insane that I ended up skipping lunch, not that I was thrilled by the prospect of another glorious banquet of crackers and ginger ale. Now, though, I'm regretting it. My stomach is cramping like a motherfucker. I must be hungry.

The fridge is pathetically empty, a few pieces of cheese and a half eaten container of Pad Thai that Bella ordered last week. None of it looks good. I grab a bottle of water and chug half of it in one gulp, scanning the cupboards for something. An unopened box of Goldfish crackers sits like an angel of mercy, and I grab it, tearing it open without hesitation. After shoving two handfuls into my mouth and chugging the rest of the bottle of water, my bladder decides to inform me I'm about to piss myself. I drop the box of crackers and do a mad dash to the bathroom.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chant, stumbling through the bathroom, and practically collapse onto the toilet.

I fucking hate being a girl. The feeling of relief is so incredible that I groan out loud, like a mooing cow. It's ridiculous, and it's only going to get worse. I reassure myself with a shake of my head and look down. The sight of bright red sends me off balance and makes me lightheaded.

"No," I whisper, panic seizing me full force and making my hands shake as I grab the toilet paper.

I frantically try to wipe up the streaks of crimson covering my underwear and the seat of the toilet, like somehow that's going to stop what's happening. The tears are already blurring my vision while I tear off my jeans and stained underwear, stuffing them both in the trash. I'm insane and close to hysterical, stumbling into my bedroom to dig through my dresser for fresh clothes. As I pull them a sharp cramp twists my stomach...no, it's lower. _No_.

"Shit," I choke around my tears and run back into the living room to find my cell phone.

My sight is blurry, and my fingers a slip on the keys; As soon as I see _Emmett_ I quickly press the key to make the call. It rings one time and a familiar voice answers, but it's not Emmett. They're right next to each other on my contact list. Leave it to me to fat finger it at the worst possible time ever.

* * *

"Leah," I answer my phone as soon as I hear the beginning chorus to Adele's _Make You Feel My Love_.

I changed the ring tone from a horrible Alanis Morissette song in a moment of whimsy. At the time I was sure I would never hear from Leah again. Now, I'm dumbfounded and dizzy with excitement.

"Edward," she replies hesitantly. Something is wrong. She sounds strange; her voice is strained, and her breathing is erratic. Is she crying?

"What's wrong?" I jump up from my desk, silently gesturing to Julia that I needed to wrap things for the day.

"It's nothing; I didn't mean to interrupt," she answers too quickly.

Something is definitely wrong, and there is no way she is going to shake me that easily.

"You're not interrupting anything," I insist and turn away from Julia, who is getting up to leave and continue to speak in a hushed tone. "Leah, are you crying?"

"I'm sorry, I just...I need help," Leah stutters and finally crumbles into soft sobs.

I catch Julia's attention and write her a quick note asking for a car to be downstairs immediately. She takes the note and rushes out of my office. I check the time on my watch, close my laptop, and grab my jacket from the back of my chair.

"Where are you?" I whisper, swallowing back the mixture of fear and excitement that's fluttering inside my stomach.

"Home, my apartment, but Edward..." she pauses, and I feel every muscle in my body freeze in anticipation of what she is about to say. "I need to go the hospital."

"Are you hurt?" I take off running through the office and hit the door for the stairs without breaking my stride.

Panic is pumping through my veins as I take the stairs two at a time, trying to get to the ground floor as fast as I can without giving myself a heart attack.

"No, but...it's complicated." Her voice sounds raw and choked. "I think, I mean I'm pretty sure that I'm having a mis-"

I hit the exit door so hard that I jostle the phone and nearly send it flying out of my hand, but I manage to keep a hold of it. Once I'm outside, I race toward the black Lincoln town car that I prefer to use over the limos Volt gives its executives. I'm thankful that I chose to use them; I can only imagine Leah's reaction if I were to pull up her apartment in a limousine.

"I'm sorry, Leah, I didn't catch that," I apologize, sliding into the car, and cover the receiver for a second to give the driver her address, insisting that he get me there in five minutes.

"Miscarriage!" Leah yells it through the phone in a shrill tone that leaves my ears ringing.

"Oh," I reply and sink back into the seat.

"Yeah," she says so softly that I almost don't hear her.

We're both silent for a moment, while I watch the city pass by in a blur outside the windows of the car. I feel like a stone, unmoving and frozen in this terrible moment. Finally, the distant sound of Leah sniffling pulls me back to reality.

"I'll be there in five minutes," I tell her, trying to sound confident.

"Okay," she replies, and the line goes dead.

I drop my phone to the seat beside me and continue to stare out the window at the passing traffic. People hurry along on the sidewalk, chatting into their cell phones, cars honk and seagulls peck at garbage on the gutters. It's just another normal day in downtown Seattle. It strikes me as wrong. There should be some kind of indication that there is a hole in the world. That some part of me is gone, another part of my heart has been taken away, just like Alec. I cover my chest with my hands, even though I know the pain and the emptiness in my chest isn't physical. It still hurts all the same.

* * *

I hate waiting rooms. They're cold, too bright, and smell like sweat and antiseptic. The TV is playing some stupid crime show, where some slick fucker is staring at the bloody body of a young girl. He says something that is supposed to sound philosophical, but he just sounds like a fucking douche who cares more about how he puts on his sunglasses than the dead girl at his feet.

I check the clock on the wall for the millionth time, and it's only a minute later than it was the last time I checked. It's been fifteen minutes since we arrived, and I explained everything that has happened to the intake nurse. She sent me to the bathroom to take yet another pregnancy test, insisting that they needed to confirm that I was, in fact, pregnant, or that I had been pregnant. _Whatever_.

As I held the test between my legs I noticed there wasn't any more blood, but I didn't take much hope from that. I still had those weird sharp twinges of pain in my abdomen that signaled something was rotten in the state of Denmark. After I plunked the test down in front of her, she told me to go wait for them to call my name, without even looking up. _Bitch_.

So here I sit, staring at the faded pink bathrobe of an old Hispanic lady sitting a few feet away. She has a little girl curled up in her lap, and they're both sleeping. I wonder which one of them is sick or if they're waiting for someone that is in seeing a doctor.

"Are you thirsty?" Edward's voice pulls me out of my random thoughts and forces me to deal with the fact that he is here right now.

I had been doing a damn good job of avoiding dealing with him.

"Sure," I reply lamely, watching him stand and stretch.

His shirt is wrinkled, but there is still no mistaking how very nice and expensive his suit is. The whole thing, from the pants to the jacket, looks like it was cut to fit him perfectly. Like he was born in silk and fine cotton. His black leather shoes are so shiny that I can actually see my face in the tops of them.

"What would you like?" He kneels down in front of me, and all I can see are his clear green eyes.

This is Edward, not the suit and fancy fucking car that carried us here. These eyes, the gentle smile, and the way I can tell he wants to touch me, to comfort me. I want to lean forward and press my face into his neck. I want to go back in time and make this turn out differently, but it's too late for that. He has Bella now; I need to accept it, and in the end losing the baby will make that easier. The thought makes me sick and angry, but mostly guilty.

"Surprise me," I reply, managing to give him a weak smile in return.

He stares at me for a long silent moment, like he wants to say something, but then he stands and walks over to the row of vending machines lining the other wall of the waiting area. I watch him for a moment, trying to cheer myself up with the sight of his ass in his tailored pants, but it's pointless. There is no cheering up in these kinds of situations. This is what endings feel like. I should know, I'm all too familiar with endings.

" _Clearwater," someone called out, and I took a deep breath, before standing up._

" _Do you want me to go with you?" Jacob looked like he was about to puke, but he hadn't run away, yet. I had to give him credit for that at least._

_I was about to tell him no, that I'd be fine, but something made me pause. Sure, he was a little runt cousin, but he was also the only person I could trust to bring me here. Sam cannot know, especially since I'm pretty sure it isn't his. Seth is just a kid, and Dad would have a full out stroke. Uncle Charlie and Uncle Billy were out of the question too. Jake is all I've got._

_When he found me bleeding all over the bathroom, Jacob scooped me up and drove me to the hospital in Forks. He didn't even ask me if I wanted to go to the clinic on the rez. Jacob knew I wanted to keep it quiet, and he did what needed to be done._

" _Please," I sighed and waited for him to stand with me._

_He rose. At sixteen he was already taller than me. I could see the tell tale shadows of stubble on his chin and cheekbones. It struck me at that very moment that little Jacob, the baby boy that I used to rock to sleep in my arms was growing up. The thought made me want to cry, but I held it together while we walked to the exam room._

" _Remove all your clothes. Here's a gown and place this over your lap," the nurse rattled off while she dropped a pile of cloth on the skinny exam table, and disappeared out the door._

_Jacob awkwardly turned his back to me so I could strip and looked even more awkward when I told him to turn around, once I was changed and on the table. He sat on a tiny metal stool and pretended to be interested in the pattern on my gown. We sat in silence until the doctor came in, and started to explain the procedure. I nodded but let his words wash over me. The baby was dead; this procedure to remove it was just the final humiliation._

" _Are you ready?" the doctor asked while setting up, and I just nodded._

_Jacob took my hand, and I closed my eyes, wishing I could be anywhere but there. The doctor told me to relax, and I let out a long breath. He warned me that I'd feel pressure, but nothing prepared me for the deep, aching contractions, that reverberated through my body. I hissed but kept still while he continued to work._

" _Lee Lee? Are you okay?" Jacob whispered, as his concerned expression loomed into view._

_I nodded as I felt the tears begin to fall. It was like that last good thing that I had ever had, and all my hopes for the future were being ripped out of me. I wanted to scream at how unfair it was, but all I could manage was a low stuttered exhale. I was a failure, an empty, barren woman. Jake kissed my forehead, and it pushed me over the edge into hysterical sobs._

"Clearwater?" A short blond nurse with a name tag that reads "Candy," calls out my name, and I reluctantly stand.

Edward is by my side with a bottle of water in his hand and an anxious look on his face. Candy waves at us to follow her, and leads us down a long corridor that seems to stretch on forever. Finally she turns a corner and leads us into a tiny little exam room.

"Take a seat." She gestures toward the bed, and I ease myself up onto it, ignoring Edward's offered hand to help me. "The doctor will be with you shortly," Candy says brightly and retreats from the room.

He takes a seat in a chair beside the bed, facing me, and does his best to look encouraging. It looks so strange on him. We haven't really talked about the pregnancy, us, or anything since the phone call. When he arrived, I just grabbed my jacket and followed him to his car. We rode the whole way in stunned silence, and after we arrived in the waiting room it slowly progressed into an awkward silence. I suppose I should say something, but I don't know where to start. This will sever any connection we had, so why talk at all?

He has a whole new life now, obviously. After this last bit of business we can continue on without each other.

"Must have been a hot date," I finally manage to speak, and end up sounding as bitchy as ever.

Oh well, might as well make this easier for one of us. If being a cunt will make him feel better, I can manage that much.

"What?" He frowns, looking genuinely confused, until he notices I'm pointing at his suit. "Oh, this is just for work."

"Work? Were you taking the kids on a tour of Neiman Marcus or something?" I actually manage to sound comfortable, like I used to when we were frenemies, and he even gives me a little chuckle for my trouble.

"No, I'm back at Volt," he says, the smile slowly disappearing from his face.

"Who's running the shelter?" I ask. I can't believe Edward would walk away from those kids this quickly. I can still remember how intensely protective he was of them on the night we dropped Alec and Lauren off. He was so dedicated to them.

"Dad," he replies, looking down at his hands, and shrugs.

"What about his patients?" I ask, honestly curious. Even I know that Doctor Cullen loves his work and genuinely cares about his patients. I can't imagine him being away from his work for long. It's doesn't make sense; it's not like Edward to ask his father to take on a burden like the shelter.

"He has a friend covering for him, just until I can find a permanent manager for the shelter," Edward says, looking guilty.

I'm about to ask why the fuck he's back at Volt anyway, when a tall dark haired women in a long white jacket walks through the doorway. She looks tired but manages a half-way believable smile.

"Leah?" She offers me her hand, and I shake it, while I nod. "And you are?"

She glances at Edward, and he immediately stands to shake her hand. "Edward, her...uh, friend."

The word is small, harmless, and kind of true. It doesn't mean it doesn't sting me to hear him say it. I turn to look at the doctor.

"I'm Doctor Kline, but you can call me Alicia," she says and moves along the side of the bed. "Can you lie down for me and unbutton your jeans, Leah?"

She pats the pillow, and I do as she asks. Alicia pulls on bright blue gloves and grabs a clear plastic bottle that looks like a ketchup bottle.

"Please lift your shirt a bit," she says as she pulls back the sides of my jeans. "Now, this is going to be a little cold. We're going to see if we can pick up a heartbeat, okay?"

I nod as she squirts cold, slick gel over the skin of my belly, and I fight the urge to wipe it away. She pulls a small odd looking device from her pocket; it looks like a little recorder and microphone. I don't know what to expect when she presses it against my skin, but it startles me when a loud scratching sounds erupts from the box. It sounds like someone blowing into a microphone, but it quickly dies down into nothing.

I don't realize how tense I am until I feel Edward's hand on mine. He carefully uncurls my fingers from the bed rail and wraps his hand around mine. I allow myself the small indulgence of holding his hand and soak in the feel of his skin, but I turn back to look at the doctor.

I watch her face closely as she rubs the weird device around my belly and wonder what the fuck we are waiting for. She smiles slightly and turns to look at me. I frown, because I don't understand why she looks so excited. Then I hear it. At first it sounds like a soft hush, like how water sounds when it's being running through a faucet, only this is muffled and really fast.

"What is that?" I ask.

"That's the sound of our baby's heart beating," Edward replies, and suddenly the sound becomes the most beautiful thing I have ever heard in my life.

" _What do you think of your baby brother?" Mom asked and brushed my hair away from my face._

" _He's okay," I replied and crawled up on the hospital bed to sit beside my mother. "Can I hold him?"_

" _Of course, Baby," she said, leaning toward me and gently placing the tiny squirming bundle into my arms._

" _Momma," I blurted out, suddenly frightened that I was going to drop him._

" _Shhhh, Lee Lee," she said, while she arranged my arms around him. "Just make sure to support his head and keep him close to your chest."_

" _Like this?" I asked, holding him tight._

" _Yes," she nodded and pulled her hands away._

_He was so tiny, smaller than my baby dolls. His pink, puffy eyelids were closed tight, and his mouth was pressed into a grimace. He looked mad, and his nose was crooked. I was a little disappointed; I thought all babies were supposed to be pretty, but Seth looked kind of ugly. Then he opened his eyes and looked up at me. The corners of his mouth pulled up into a smile._

" _See, you're a natural," my mother whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek._

"Leah?" Edward squeezes my hand, and I shake my head, while my brain struggles to catch up.

"Alive?" I turn to look at him, and he nods, a sympathetic smile spreading his lips.

I nod with him, as if to convince myself that it's really true. The baby is still alive. As soon as the thought solidifies in my mind, calm settles over me. My breathing slows, and I make myself focus. There will be time for tears later. Right now, I need to take care of the baby.

"Alicia!" I blurt out as something my regular doctor said pops into my head. I moving to sit up, which Edward makes difficult by trying to help me. "My regular doctor told me that I was a risk for miscarriages because of something to do with my blood...shit! I can't remember the name of it."

"RH Negative?" Edward says, like he can read my mind.

"How do you know?" I snap at him. He looks so calm and relaxed like it's not really fucking scary.

"I was in med school, and my father's a doctor," he replies like a freaking smart-ass. "It's actually rather common. You'll need to get some shots to prevent complications, but the baby isn't in any immediate danger."

"He is right, you just need to make sure your OB knows about it, and they will take care of you," Alicia backs up Edward with an equally reassuring smile and finishes washing her hands. "Congratulations."

With that she walks out of the room, and I'm left alone with Edward. He is still holding my hand, and the fingers of his other hand are brushing over the tops of my knuckles. The room is so quiet I can hear him breathe. In and out, slowly, his eyes fixed on my hand. It feels good, too good.

If things were different, if Edward wasn't with Bella, this would probably the happiest moment of my life. I'm having a baby with someone that I really, truly love; only he's dating my best friend. This is so fucked up, and it's going to get worse. Edward's taking a deep breath, and his eyes shift to look up at me. He's going to say something. In my mind, I can hear the whistle of the impending bomb that is about to drop, the conversation I don't want to fucking have about to hit, and I panic.

"I need to pee!" I jump off the bed and dash out the room in desperation, not bothering to look back.

I just need to gather my strength for whatever poetic brush off he's going to give me. Or worse if he attempts to "do the right thing" even though he hates me. I just need to shore up my confidence before I hear it. Plus, I really do have to pee.

I stare at the closed door of the exam room and finally allow myself to exhale. My heart is pounding so hard I'm worried I might pass out.

_Baby_.

It's an impossible thought to wrap my mind around. Leah is pregnant, and the baby is mine. I'm going to be a _father_. The thought has weight, enough so that I feel it pressing me back into my seat. Where do we go from here? Leah looked like she couldn't get out of the room fast enough. She was so grief stricken when she thought we'd lost the baby, but after she realized it's fine she was terrified. Does she want the baby, but not me? Is she worried about what her family will say? Is she scared that I don't want the baby?

Why wouldn't I want this baby? I ask the question of myself and come up with nothing. Or rather I come up with a million reasons why I want this child. The thought of a child, _our_ child is staggering. My chest swells with the prospect of holding him or her, of what he or she will look like, and how I can't wait to see him or her. I want this child, and I need to make sure Leah understands that no matter what happens between us, the baby has to be our priority.

All my feelings for Leah need to take a backseat to the baby. It won't be easy to be with her, and not be _with_ her, but I will do it...for the baby.

My phone chirps in my pocket, and I pull it out. The text is from Demetri, at least he didn't call. I don't think I could handle talking to anyone right now. I open the message and see what I already knew was the truth.

**Results are back.**

**She's your sister.**

I smile as I type my response.

**Not surprised.**

**Let her know.**

I hit send and chuckle a little, knowing how hard it is for Demetri to tell me the truth about the results and how he's going to loathe telling Gianna about them. The last time I spoke with him today, he was insisting he was going to change the results to "save me from myself." He has been so very strange and protective since I took over the company. It is very sweet, and so unlike him. My phone chirps again, and I shake my head as I look at his reply.

**Say the word and the results will change.**

**Don't answer right away.**

**Just think about it.**

I laugh softly, but wait to respond. He is right; I should think but not about changing the test results. Leah and I are going to have a child. I'm going to have a family of my own.

It's what I've always wanted, even before Tanya. There's a lightness in my chest where I used to feel pain at the thought of that day she took that pregnancy test. I never realized how really painful it was for me until now.

Now, I have a family. This baby, Leah (in whatever way we work out) and Jane. _Jane_.

What am I going to do about Jane? This is going to be interesting to explain, and it's going to change everything in our lives. I don't know how she's going to react. She was upset when I told her that Leah and I were not longer seeing each other. Maybe this new development could be good for Jane, too. She does like Leah. Jane did tell me, while I was making all our travel arrangements, she didn't care where we lived as long as she lived with me. I'm pretty sure Leah isn't going to be as accommodating.

She would never leave the West Coast, and I wouldn't want her to. I treasure her heritage, our child's heritage, too much to take them too far away from the reservation. My mind fills with the image of a burning canoe floating out into the dark waters of the Pacific Ocean and the words of Sam Uley.

" _We are a small tribe, but we are a great people. Quileutes are legendary whalers, fisherman that ruled this coast for countless generations..."_

Leaving Washington is out of the question, which is going to make running Volt extremely difficult. It is strange how something that seemed so easy quickly becomes so complicated. Though, if I'm honest, it isn't complicated at all. I smile as I type out my text message and imagine the expression that will transform Demetri's usually relaxed expression.

**Contact legal.  
I want you to be my proxy. **

**Volt is yours.**

I turn off my phone and tuck it into my pocket. It shouldn't be this easy to toss aside a multi-billion dollar company, but it really is. Leah and I are having a baby. We are going to be a family, and while I'm not sure what shape that family will take, I know that it is now my highest priority.

* * *

I try to jam my key into the lock three times before I finally give up and allow Edward to take it from my hand. He slowly slides it into the lock and twists. The latch gives way like a wanton whore, and the door opens without protest. Even inanimate objects are slaves to the Edward Cullen rule of attraction. Everything wants to fuck him.

I grumble, snatching the key from his hand and walk into the apartment. He follows me with a smirk, but thankfully doesn't say anything. He has been silent since we left the hospital, but his content expressions have been silently mocking me. He carefully closes my front door and engages the lock. I toss my jacket onto the floor and try to figure out what to do next.

I have successfully avoided serious conversation through the entire car ride here, but now it's inevitable. Edward has the look on his face, and he is taking a deep breath like he is preparing to blow out the candles on a birthday cake. This is my cake that he is about the blow to oblivion, and I still can't handle it. I open my mouth to interrupt him with a pathetic excuse about needing rest before we talk. It's all I've got, but it's better than getting the gentle let down from Edward.

"I don't know if I'm okay with borrowing my cousin's condoms," Jacob's unmistakable voice breaks through the tense silence as he walks out of Bella's room into the living room.

"Whatever. It's not like she's using them right now," Bella says, walking into the room after Jacob.

She is wearing a Wedgewood auto body t-shirt that I know for a fact is Jacob's. I stare at them, especially Jacob's bare chest and unbuttoned jeans, the realization that I have just walked in on them either about to, or in the process of, fucking strikes me like ice water.

"What the fuck?" I blurt out, gaping at both of them.

Bella stops, turns to look at me, and screams shrilly before running back into her room. Jacob just stops and stares at me. I give him a stern look and wonder what the fuck is going on.

"Wait, I thought you were with Bella," I say turning to glare at Edward, who is about to explode with laughter until he hears me.

"What? Where would you get that idea?" He gives me an incredulous look, and I turn back to see Jacob charging toward us.

"What in the fuck is he doing here?" Jacob seethes like an angry bull that's ready to kill. I sigh and step between him and Edward.

Jacob's bumps into me and sends me stumbling back into the Edward's arms. I feel like I've been pressed between the panels of an industrial press. Fuck me running.

"Be careful!" Edward shouts, placing a protective arm around me, and puts out his other arm to push against Jacob's chest.

This is not good. They both look they are ready to fight, and I'm getting twitchy from the close quarters. Men! What the fuck is wrong with them?

"Back off!" I push at Jacob's chest and slap Edward's hand away from my waist. "Jacob, if I'm not mistaken you are about to close the deal with the girl that you've been in love with since you were six years old. Fuck off, and let me take care of myself, okay?"

That catches his attention, making him finally look at me with an expression of confusion and frustration. Jacob is a jackass, but he is well-intentioned. He just needs to get it through his thick skull that I'm a grown woman and can take care of myself.

"Jake, please, just this once trust me to take care of myself," I plead with him and gently shove him in the direction of Bella's room. "She needs you more than I do, right now.

"Fine," he relents with an exasperated grunt and stomps off.

"There are condoms in the bathroom under the sink. USE THEM!" I yell after him, and he heads down the hallway to the guest bathroom.

"Oh god! I did not hear you say that," Bella yells, as Jacob opens her bedroom door and then slams it closed.

I grab Edward's wrist and drag him into my bedroom before any more drama can erupt in our face. Once we're safely inside my room I lock the door and allow myself to process what just happened. Edward looks amused as he hovers in front of me.

"So you're not with Bella?" I have to ask, because it kind of seems too good to be true.

He frowns at me, like I'm jerk. I think it's a fair question, but shit, maybe I am a jerk. He lets out a grunt, and rolls his eyes before finally answering.

"No," he answers with an angry sigh.

I'm dizzy with excitement. They're not together. He isn't with Bella. This is really happening. Shit! What the fuck do I do now? Panic seizes me, and makes my stomach flip flops while I start to sweat. Edward on the other hand is still looking pissed.

"Leah, I think that it's time that we talked." He sounds so grave, so resigned. My stomach immediately ties itself in a million knots.

"Okay," I mumble, leaning against the door, and stare at the floor.

"Please look at me," he whispers, tilting my chin up and giving me a sympathetic smile before he continues. "I love you, but I know you are not interested in a...romantic relationship with me, and I accept that."

"Edward," I start to speak, ready to tell him that I'm an idiot and want him back, but he holds up his hand cutting me off. _Fuck!_

"Please let me finish," Edward says and combs his fingers through his hair before continuing. "That doesn't change the fact that we are family, and even if we weren't having a baby we would be a part of each other's lives. To be completely honest, there is no one I would rather have a child with. You are going to be a wonderful mother."

The tears start to flow down my face, and I shake my head, still unable to keep from arguing with him. He places his hand on my cheek to stop me and gives me the most earnest look I have ever seen. It's like he is using some kind of voodoo to make me believe his words.

"Yes, you will. While we didn't work out together, I know that this child will be worth all the shit we put each other through. Knowing that there will be a little piece of us in the world," he pauses to press his hand just below my belly button, and a tear slips from the corner of his eyes. "This is a gift, a blessing that I will treasure for the rest of my life. We don't have to be together to raise this child. Please, let's just forget about the shit in the past and start from scratch, be...friends. Can we do that?"

I sigh heavily and tilt my head back to rest it against the door. My voice doesn't seem to want to work, and I can barely see him through all the tears. He gives me a sympathetic smile, gently wiping at my face with the back of his hand. How could I have ever thought I could live without him? What was I thinking? I was scared shitless. I still am, but the possibility of being without Edward is far more terrifying now.

"What if I don't want to be friends?" I finally muster the courage to speak and end up sounding angrier than I intended.

"Well, I guess-" Edward steps back, looking shocked and a little deflated.

"No, I mean, what if I want to try at a relationship?" I grab his wrist and pull him back. "I'm sorry. I was a complete jackass. And you deserve so much better than my dumb ass, but I...I love you."

Edward looks stunned for a second, then he wraps his hands around my face and presses his lips to mine. He kisses me like he's drowning, and my mouth is feeding him oxygen. It's overwhelming and amazing. I wish I didn't have to breathe, but I do, and I finally pull back to gasp for air.

"Hey," Edward complains, pulling my body closer and kissing my cheeks.

"Need to breathe," I explain and lean my head against his cheek.

"I need you to say that again," he whispers, rubbing his nose along my jaw and peppering my cheeks with kisses.

"That I need to breathe?" I'm confused and giddy to have him so close.

"No," he grumbles, gently pulling me over to the bed to make me sit down. "The part where you said you loved me."

Edward lowers himself to one knee in front of me, his hands are wrapped around mine, and my heart is about to explode. I can feel my face fill with color and heat. The dizziness and sweating has nothing to do with morning sickness. Everything in me is screaming to run, because this can't be real, only it is.

"I love you." It comes out in a soft whisper, but my voice is steady as I say it.

No one dies. Lightening doesn't strike, and Edward is smiling like he just won the lottery. He rises up to kiss me again, laying me down on the bed in the process, and reminds me of how much I've missed every square inch of him. He feels so right pressed against me, his lips dancing over mine, while he cradles my head in his hands. I want him so bad that I'm clawing at his clothes to get him naked. He chuckles and leans up to pull off his jacket and unbutton his shirt.

Then I hear an all too familiar giggling accompanied by a throaty moan echo through the wall. We stop, and I turn to stare at the wall. It takes me another couple of seconds to realize where the sound came from, or rather, from _whom_ it came. Ew!

"Shit," I groan and go limp, wishing I was deaf.

"What?" Edward pulls off his shirt and looks down at me in confusion.

"I can hear them," I exclaim, cringing and making a face.

Edward laughs. He sits back on his heels and shakes his head. _Jerk!_

"It's not funny," I say, slapping his thigh and wishing we could be back at the beach house.

"Actually it is, but it's also weird. I can hear them, too." He grimaces and shifts away to stand up, next to the bed.

"Make it stop," I say, putting a pillow over my head.

"I am not going in there to make them stop," Edward replies, pulling the pillow off my face and placing a kiss on my forehead. "But I will grab a movie."

"Thanks," I say with a smile.

He winks, and turns to walk toward the door. I take a moment to enjoy the sight of his ass in his tailored pants, when a silly thought pops in my head.

"Edward," I call out, before I can second guess myself.

"Yes," he stops to look at me.

"Can I have one with a happy ending?" I know I look sheepish, and I sound like one of those lovesick girls from a cheeseball romantic comedy, but this how Edward makes me feel.

Edward returns my smile, and says, "Of course."

_The End_


	31. Epilogue: Woman Up

“You know that we could get arrested for this?” I whisper against Edward's cheek, and pull out of his embrace. 

“I should be able to kiss my girlfriend whenever I want,” he grumbles, but his huge grin ruins his attempt to look pissed. 

I swear I've never seen Edward smile as much as he has in that past two months. He is also so fucking touchy-feely that it's like his hands are super glued to my body. Not that I'm complaining. It's kind of cute and really fucking sexy.

“You ready to go?” He asks, pulling his cellphone out of his pocket to glance at the screen. “Oh, they're already here. Emmett is threatening to search the parking lot for us.”

“Jesus Christ, tell him to keep his panties on,” I say, struggling to pull my jeans back into place and open my door. 

I had been trying to show Edward how I was using a belly band thing to keep my jeans up even when the front is unzipped for my newly emerging baby bump, when he decided to start an impromptu make-out session. Again, not complaining, well not about getting action from my extremely sexy boyfriend. I push Edward's sweatshirt down over my stomach, letting the extra fabric camouflage my belly and pull myself out of the car. My back and bladder protesting the whole way. 

“I think I have to pee again,” I announce, slamming my door shut.

“Again?” Edward gives me an exaggerated eye roll, while still grinning like a fucking idiot. He really enjoys teasing me too much. Fucker.

“Yes, again. Shitbag!” I slap his arm, and get a soft kiss on the cheek for my trouble. “Good thing I like fucking you, or I'd have thrown you into on coming traffic by now.”

“You really need to cut back on all the sweet talk, or people might think you like me,” he responds, wrapping an arm around my waist and starts to pull me toward the front entrance to Costco. Costco. I reluctantly walk into buzzing mass of humanity in the king of mega super stores, where you can buy a five gallon tub of mayonnaise and ten years of stamps all in one place. Ugh!

This was all Rose's fault. She wanted to cut cost for the wedding and insisted that buying as much of the food and decorations at Costco would be the solution. The truly amusing part was that the Cullen’s have never set foot in a warehouse store like Costco in their entire life. When Rose first put the idea forth at last Sunday's family dinner, Esme kept mispronouncing the name as Cozco at first, and Carlisle thought it was Russian bridal store, it was hilarious and a little unnerving. I mean, how the fuck can you live in Seattle and not know about Costco? 

“Hey, how was the car sex?” Emmett yells from ten feet away, where he and Rose are standing at the entrance. 

“Fantastic!” Edward answers just as loudly with a huge grin on his face. 

I slap Edward in the chest as Rose elbows Emmett in the gut. We exchange looks of annoyance, while the brothers Cullen look very amused with themselves. They may not be related by blood, but there is no mistaking the fact that Edward and Emmett are brothers. They both have that same smug ass grin, that is as obnoxious as it is cute. 

“You know it's not too late to go gay and run away together,” Rose offers, pulling me into her arms for a hug.

“It's sounding really good about now,” I reply, trying to lean forward, and stick my ass out so she doesn't feel my stomach. 

It's awkward and painful, but I'm a giant chicken shit for doing it. It's just...I'm not ready to make the announcement. I know that I'm running out of time, and eventually they're all gonna a notice when my belly is the size of a watermelon. Still, I'm scared that something is going to go wrong like it did with my first pregnancy. Which is silly, because everything is going well. I've made it to the second trimester, my doctor reassured me that the baby is less at risk of miscarriage, and even Edward insists that the pregnancy is going really well. Still, I'm not quite ready to tell everyone yet.

“Hey, I'm cool as long as we can watch,” Emmett says, and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

“Ew,” I say, swatting him away, while Edward slaps his arm. 

“Ignore him, he's just being a pain 'cause I wouldn't let him ogle the TVs with Carlisle,” Rose laughs softly and squeezes my shoulder.

“I swear it qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment,” Emmett says with a pout, crossing his arms over his broad chest. 

“I thought you just bought a new TV,” Edward comments, grabs the back of my jeans and pulls me back into his arms. See, handsy.

Rose exchanges a look with Edward that is almost friendly. He smirks, and she gives him a nod of acknowledgement, while Emmett groans, and complains that we're all conspiring against him. They're doing better than I thought they would. Sure, they aren't best buddies, but there's been a kind of cease-fire agreement between them ever since Edward and I “came out” to the family about our relationship. That was one hell of a Christmas party.  
***

“Will you stop fidgeting? You're starting to make me nervous,” Edward whispered, while we walked up the front door of his parent's house.

I had been there countless times, both during and after I dated Emmett, but this was different. Edward and I were together, and we were spending Christmas with his family. We had already spent Christmas Eve at Uncle Charlie's place. We had survived my dad giving Edward the silent treatment, Uncle Billy's lame jokes and finding Bella and Jake making out in every dark corner of the house. I swear those two are like fucking rabbits. Edward took it all in stride, trading football stories with Uncle Charlie, laughing even when Billy fucked up a simple knock-knock joke, and even went for a walk with my father. 

I was worried that they wouldn't come back, or at least not both of them alive, but they did. Incredibly they were both smiling like they were in on the same secret, which kind of annoyed me. Seth called after dinner to tell us all about Peter's parents place and Aspen. He said that Peter is talking about them moving in together, which seems a little fast to me, but they're happy, so I kept my mouth shut. I have no room to talk, Edward has already started looking for a new house for us and the baby. I'm not arguing, because I kind of love the idea of us starting fresh in a new place of our own. God, that sounded so domestic that it should have made my skin itch, but it was actually comforting, calming even. 

“Mom, we're here,” Edward called out as we walked into the house, and he turned to help me take off my coat. 

I smoothed my hand over my stomach, still a little nervous about my dress and whether you could tell I was pregnant. It was silly, it had only been a few days since I found out I was pregnant. 

“You look beautiful,” Edward whispered, giving me a quick kiss.

“Flatterer,” I groaned, giving him an exaggerated roll of my eyes.

“Edward could you please come and tell your brother...” Esme appeared in the entry way, and stopped in her tracks.

I managed to give her an awkward wave, while I silently told myself to not run away. A disturbing dipping sensation overtook me, like the floor dropped out from under my feet. It made my stomach clench a little, and made me seriously consider running.

Esme's face transformed from surprise to an unguarded expression of joy. “Leah!”

She crossed the floor and crushed me in a hug, all but ignoring Edward as she dragged me into the living room. Everyone else was equally shocked and excited to see me. With the exception of Rose, who looked suspicious, and deeply concerned. 

“Please be okay with this,” I pleaded with her in a whisper as we hugged and she gave me a stern nod in response.

Carlisle gave me a warm hug and thanked me for coming, like I did him some big favor. Then Esme burst out of the kitchen, claiming that she was out of cranberry sauce, and sent Carlisle out to get it. Edward smirked at me, and Emmett made a crack about how not subtle his mother was. Jasper greeted us, giving Edward a measured look before kissing my forehead. I gave him a soft punch in the stomach and told him to stop acting like my dad. He laughed as he resumed his post beside the fireplace, while Alice flitted around the room like a hummingbird on crack. 

Esme asked if I wanted a drink. Edward immediately told her that I was driving him home and wouldn't be drinking alcohol. I stifled my laughter as she gave him a worried look, and offered me juice. He flushed an impressive shade of red, and I was happy to know that even Edward was a little nervous. Carlisle returned thirty minutes later, and did a poor job of smuggling an overstuffed shopping bag into the kitchen. That did it. I couldn’t take the tension anymore. 

“We're dating,” I blurted out in an awkward mumble-cough thing, and everyone in the room froze like I'd fired a gun.

“What did you say?” Emmett tilted his head to the side, and squinted like his hearing was somehow connected to his eyesight.

Edward was tense beside me, he felt like a slab of marble, but he didn't pull away when I placed my hand on his. I looked at Emmett, took a deep breath and felt Edward's fingers thread through mine as I spoke again.

“Edward and I are together,” I replied, turning my gaze to look at Rose, who was staring right at Edward. 

“We have been for awhile, but we decided to make it official. I meant to tell you guys tonight,” Edward's voice wavered a little, as Carlisle stepped into the room, and smiled at us.

“Well that's just wonderful,” Esme said, walking over to us, and pulled me into another one of her bone-crushing hugs. 

Alice started giggling, and Jasper just smirked, ever the smug fucker. I could see Rose over Esme's shoulder, her expression showing that she understood what I meant when I asked her to be okay with us. Her nod was like an answer to a prayer I hadn't known I’d made. Then Emmett walked over to Edward, and I held my breath. 

“I hope you know how lucky you are,” Emmett said, slapping Edward's back roughly, before hugging him and whispered something in Edward's ear.

I caught Emmett's eye, and mouthed 'thank you.' He just winked, releasing Edward and walked back over to Rose. I was so relieved I could barely stand, and that’s when Carlisle appeared beside me.

He placed his arm around my shoulders, and said, “I would welcome you to the family, but you've always been a part of our family, Leah. We are so lucky to have you.” 

I fought back tears as he hugged me, and realized he was right. I had always known the Cullens were family. But that night, in that moment, it didn't feel weird. It felt like home.

***

“There they are,” Carlisle said, appeared right beside me, and placed his hand on my shoulder, startling the shit out of me.

I let out an embarrassing shriek, and nearly jump out of my skin. Edward and Emmett immediately dissolve into fits of laughter, while I struggle to gather the remaining scraps of dignity I had left. Assholes.

“Carlisle, you nearly scared her to death.” Esme shoos him away, even as he gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before joining Emmett and Edward. “I swear, I’m going to put a bell on you.”

“Oh Kinky, Mom,” Emmett comments, immediately ducking out of the way of a bag of coffee Rose chucks at his head. 

“Can we get on with the shopping?” Esme grabs a shopping cart, and begins to herd the giggling mass of men past the electronics display at the front of the store. 

Emmett tries to stop and tinker with every one of the tvs, while Edward and Carlisle talk about resolution and refresh rates. Whatever the fuck that means. My mind is in its usually fuzzy state, spacing out on random shit like when I’m going to eat again, and if the weird wiggling feeling is the baby moving, or just gas. Right about when I realize I might need to fart, and am trying to figure out how to politely distance myself from the group, Rose asks me the question I’ve been dreading for months.

“So, when are you planning on to telling everyone?” She has a bottle of wine in her hands, and looks really interested in the label. 

I glance around, and everyone else is doing their own thing. Emmett has wandered off to ogle some tools. Edward was debating the merits of different brands of champagne with his parents. Damn, there wasn’t a life raft in sight to get me out of this conversation. 

“I don’t know, when it comes out of my vagina?” At least that gets a smirk out of her, but I have a feeling she isn’t going to let up.

“Are you stalling because of us?” She set the bottle down, finally looking at me.

Her expression is so open, so honest. I know this was a multi-layered question. This isn’t just about me trying to not steal her wedding thunder, but it’s also about the fact that she can’t have kids. At least, not in the way I’m going to in a few months. 

“A little, but mostly I’m a chicken shit.” I shrug, reaching out to touch her hand. 

She turns her hand in my grip, and takes hold of my hand. “Bullshit. You are the most gutsy bitch I know, Leah.” Before I can protest, she pulls me into a hug, kissing my already tear-stained cheek. “Now stop fucking around and tell them. I can tell it’s killing Edward to keep it secret.”

I nod against her shoulder, trying rally. She pulls away, and I turns to face a concerned looking Edward. He is so fucking sweet and has held off like I asked, but I realize now it isn’t only my choice. This isn’t only my baby, and he deserves to enjoy this moment with his family.

“You can tell them.” I whisper, and get a lightning fast kiss before he dashes over to his parents. 

All hell breaks loose in a matter of seconds. Emmett starts whooping like a jackass and does a touchdown dance in the middle of the aisle. Meanwhile Esme pulls me into a hug, telling me how happy she is while tears stream down her face. Rose runs over to try to calm Emmet down, and Carlisle moves in to hug me. Over his shoulder I can see Edward beaming with pride as his lips move in a silent “thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This the first in a series one shots that will comprise the epilogue. I will be posting over the next few days to thank everyone who has read and enjoyed this story. Whether you've left reviews, tweeted or emailed me, every bit of support I've received through out writing this and all my other stories has meant the world to me. I wanted to honor that gift will some gifts of my own.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this snap shots of Edward and Leah's life, brief though they may be, and know that your support has meant everything to me.
> 
> Thank you
> 
> Jeanne
> 
> PS Special thanks to Krystal (myheroin01) for stepping up with very little notice, to beta for me.


	32. Epilogue: Vegas Baby

“You two sure you're okay?” Emmett asks for the millionth time, looking guilty, or as guilty as a horny husband on his honeymoon can look.

“Will you go hump Rose, and leave us the fuck alone already?” I laugh, slapping his shoulder and get a kiss on the cheek for my trouble.

“You're the best, sis,” he whispers, and quickly leaps back to avoid the punch aiming for his face.

“That's just gross, dude,” I snarl at him, but I lack the energy to do more than glare at him. 

“What now?” Edward walks up with the giant glass of water I've been waiting for, and steps in between Emmett and I.

“Nothing bro, just saying good night,” Emmett replies with a wink.

“He called me sis again,” I immediately whine, like a big baby. 

“Soon enough, it's going to be true,” Emmett counters, taking his beer from Edward's other hand. “Thanks, bro.”

“We have no plans to get married,” Edward says it like he's reciting an oath, like a good boyfriend.

Rose and Emmett may have caved to the social pressure to get hitched, but Edward and I aren't going out like that. Which is the whole reason I’m sitting in the middle of a casino bar in Las Vegas with a belly full of baby and backache that could bring Hercules to his knees. A giggling drunk couple just stumbled past us, on their way to the chapel that’s conveniently located next to the all night buffet. because who doesn’t want some shrimp cocktail after making a lifetime commitment? 

Hell, I think the wedding fever’s even getting to Jasper and Alice. She cracked some joke about a honeymoon in Paris, while we passed the casino of the same name. At least I thought it was a joke. I mean, they are saving for a house, and it's not like I don’t expect them to get married eventually. It's just weird, like all of sudden we're all pairing up. Don't even get me started on Jake and Bella. I already made a bet with Seth that she's going to be knocked up by the end of the year. It'll be sad to see Jake get blown away by Charlie, but at least I won't have to watch him tongue fuck her every time we hang out. And now I'm nauseous again. 

“You two are so gonna cave, just watch,” Emmett pats Edward's shoulder as his phone buzzes in his pocket. “That would be the little woman.”

Emmett looks ridiculously excited every time her refers to Rose as his little woman, or the old lady. Though, that last one usually gets him a hard punch to the arm from either Rose or me. Sure, it’s sweet to see him all dopey and happy, but Emmett can easily of cross the line between adorable and plow headlong into obnoxious. 

“Go on, we're going to head back to our room,” Edward says, waving off Emmett and sits down next me. 

“Love you guys,” Emmett calls out, and turns to leave the lounge.

As I watch him disappear, I lay my head on Edward's shoulder and wait for the nausea to pass. It's not as bad as it was during my first trimester, but it still knocks me on my ass. Usually if I just breathe through it, the feeling passes quickly enough.

“You okay?” Edward kisses my temple, and threads his fingers through mine. 

“Yeah,” I sigh, happy to feel my stomach begin to settle, and nuzzle my nose into his neck. 

“Good,” he chuckles softly, sliding his arm behind my back, pulling me closer. “Because I have an idea.”

I don't jerk, but I can't stop myself from stiffening a little. He knows I hate surprises. Especially, when we're far from home and pregnant. I have a feeling I know where it's going, and I'm just not ready for it...not yet.

“Edward, we talked about this,” I groan into his chest and close my eyes. 

“No, you told me that you wanted to wait till things had settled down,” he counters, releasing my hand and reaches into his jacket pocket. “Now that we closed on the house, and the baby is doing great. Things are pretty settled.”

Every alarm in the back of my mind is screaming. My instinct is to make a break for it, too bad I can't run that fast with swollen feet. I turn away, not wanting to see what he's reaching for, because I already know. 

“Leah, please look at me,” Edward says, his hand gently brushing my hair away from my face. 

“No,” I reply like a pouty child.

“Why not?” Edward sounds amused, which kind of pisses me off. 

How dare he laugh at me? He knows how hormonal I am right now. I can't deal with big monumental decisions like getting fucking married. Jesus, I cried at a fucking Winnie the Pooh cartoon a few days ago. This isn't funny, it's like I'm being possessed by Bella's mom and not in a funny, hippy kind of way. More like I'm going a boil a bunny and stab my boyfriend's beautiful face, if he tells me “it's just water weight” one more time.

“Because I don't want to see what hideously expensive ring you have in your hand!” I snap, batting his hand away.

“It's not a ring,” Edward insists, snaking his hand around my waist and pulling me back into his body.

“Liar,” I continue argue, even as I turn to look at his face.

“I swear, it's not a ring,” he sighs, and slides something into my hand. “Now stop arguing and open it.”

“Bossy fucker,” I grumble, and look down at the small white box. 

It still looks suspiciously ring-sized, but I don't argue. I open it and find a little gray heart-shaped stone surrounded by a thick length of silver chain. It looks really familiar, but I can't remember where I've seen it. 

“I figured you needed a bracelet to match your necklace,” he says, pulling the bracelet out of the box and fastens it around my wrist. 

“Thanks,” I reply, sounding a little disappointed, which in turns embarrasses the fuck out of me. 

“It's not a diamond ring, but it's the only thing I have from my birth parents,” he says, running his thumb over the stone, and I notice the little white line of quartz running down the center. 

Just like that, I remember the picture from Edward's room. The one of a small stone sitting in the palm of his hand. I never knew he had anything from his birth parents. We've only talked a little about his mother and his uncle's business, that Edward's birth-sister runs with that sleazeball, Demetri. It all confuses me, and makes Edward tense, so I don't press him about it. I wish there was a way I could help help him fell better about that part of his life, to take away the sad look he gets when he talks about his birth parents. 

“It's beautiful,” I reassure him, covering his hand with mine. “Thank you.”

I lean in to kiss him, but he stops me and puts his hands on the side of my face. He smiles at me, with that look of unguarded love that always makes me want to cry, even when I'm not a hormonal mess. Fuck, why doesn't he just kick me in the chest.

“Marry me,” he says it so suddenly that my heart feels like it's trying to jump out of my chest. 

“Edward I don't-” I stammer, but he cuts me off and shakes his head.

“I love you, Leah, and I'm going to love you until I die!” He looks me right in the eyes, and makes me feel like I'm going to faint from his sincerity. “I don't need a licenses to prove how I feel. This isn't about binding you to me. It is about making us a family.”

He puts his hand on my stomach, and I feel my resolve start to crumble. I look down at his hand, and then at the little stone heart dangling from my wrist. It's cool against my skin, but it is already starting to warm up a little. I like it, especially because it's part of Edward. That's the kicker, the part I keep pulling away from. The part that scares me the most. I love Edward so much that sometimes it feels like I'm going drown in it. I can't imagine my life without Edward, and I don't want to. It's one thing to feel this way inside my head, but it's another to acknowledge it out loud to Edward.

I look up into his eyes, and the sensation of drowning fills me again. It’s like all the air leaves the room, like the only thing keeping my feet on the ground is his hand on my stomach and the weight of our baby inside me. There is something so terrifyingly powerful about it, and that’s how I know it’s the real thing.

“I love you.” I tell him in an steady voice for the first time, and before he can say another word, I lean forward to whisper. “I’ll marry you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my beta Krystal (myheroin01).


	33. Epilogue: Coming Home

I steer the Volvo up the winding driveway. My hands aren't shaking anymore, but I still feel a little nauseous. Maybe I should have let Edward come with me. I dismiss the idea immediately, it's just my chickenshit side talking. This is between my father and I. 

I put the car in park, killing the engine and start the long, involved process of getting out of the car. It involves grunting, sweating and a lot of swearing. I miss the days when shit like getting out of car was so simple I didn't even have to think about it. Unfortunately, Edward has impregnated me with some kind of super-sized mega baby. I've gained twenty pounds, all in my stomach and ass. If he thinks he's getting anywhere near me with his dick without a condom on it after this, he is insane. 

Once I finally make it out of the car, I wipe the sweat off my face with my jacket sleeve and waddle over to the house. It never used to seem so far from the drive way to the porch, and when did the steps become so fucking steep? By the time I make it to the top, I'm sweating again, and my back is aching. Oh, and yeah, I need to pee again. Fuck me!

I take a deep breath as I step up to the front door. All my aches, pains and even my full bladder go to the back of my mind. I'm not ready for this conversation. When can you ever be ready for it? Edward and I have known something wasn't right ever since he explained my whole blood type thing, and how it effects the baby. It didn't make sense. 

I remember Seth doing a blood typing project in school, how he had commented on mine being special. At the time I never thought anything of it. Just Seth being extra nerdy. Then there was that time I stepped on the nail at old Quil's place. I had torn open my foot badly and bled everywhere. In the back of my mind, I remember the strange look my mother had on her face at the mention of blood transfusion. It all started to add up and made a sick kind of sense. The kind of sense that I didn't want to deal with, but that I couldn't ignore. 

In less than a month I am going to give birth. I'm going to start a new family, and I can't let lies into it. Edward and I made a promise to each other. No more lies, even if we think it's going to protect us, or the baby from harm. Which means it's time for me to put up or shut up. 

I finally raise my hand and knock on the door. It feels like I'm punching myself in the face with each tap. I wait for what feels like a thousand years for the sound of familiar footsteps. All my life I've known the sound of those steps, just like I would recognize the smell of his aftershave. Everything about him reminds me of home, safety and love. I guess that's why in some ways the truth isn't all that surprising.

“Leah!” The door opens, and Charlie looks surprised, but excited to see me. He opens his arms to me, just like he always does. I almost step into it, but I stop myself, and look into his eyes. The eyes solidify it too. I wonder why I never noticed.

“Hi Dad.” 

Charlie’s face goes through about fifty different expressions in the space of a minute, and finally settles on resignation. “Come on in.”  
I don’t know what to say, so I just nod and walk inside. He closes the door and we walk together, side by side, to the kitchen. This is the hub of the house, always has been. I’ve spent a better part of my childhood at this wobbly table, perched on one of the rickety chairs, usually shoveling food into my face while the adults talked around me. 

As I carefully take a seat, adjusting for my aching tailbone, I wonder at how different everything looks now. Not that anything has really changed in the layout, or even the furniture. In fact, I see a couple of Bella’s old crayon drawings posted on the wall by the phone. One is clearly meant to be of both of us at Disneyland. It’s easy to tell it’s us, even if she hadn’t written our names above each stick-figure. She made sure to draw me with the tan crayon and made my hair a long streak of black. Bella’s always been a stickler for details. Unlike me. She must get it from her mother.

Charlie clears this throat with an awkward, obviously forced cough, and I realize I’ve just been spacing out instead of talking. He looks like he’s got a cactus in his asshole, and at this point in my pregnancy, I can relate. Though, I have absolutely no sympathy for him.

“I would ask you when you were planning to tell me, but I’m pretty sure the answer is never.” I put my hand on the table, and shift my weight onto one ass cheek. 

It doesn’t do anything to really ease the ache in my back, but it moves the baby off my bladder. Charlie sighs, and scratches the corner of his mustache. He’s acting casual, but the sweat beaded on his temples is a clear sign that he is nervous as hell. His mouth opens and closes a few times, but nothing comes out. It was like watching a fish try to peddle a bike. I guess, now I know where I my verbal skills from.

“God-fucking-damn it, Charlie.” I finally lose my patience and get up from my chair. 

Sitting is proving to be even more uncomfortable than standing. Especially when Charlie is doing his best impression of a constipated mime. I swear to god, I have no patience for anything. My fuse was short before pregnancy, but now I constantly feel like I’m two seconds away from running people over with my car. 

“I’m married, with a baby on the way. Your grandchild.” I choke on the last word, and put my hand on the back of my chair to steady myself. 

The tears come on without warning, another benefit of pregnancy. I keep crying at the smallest things, like Edward rubbing my feet, and even a commercial for an animal shelter. Last night, Jane thanked me for helping her with her homework and I broke down. I scared her so bad, she ran out of the room to find Edward. I don’t blame her, I’d run from me, too. 

“Leah,” Charlie’s suddenly beside me, his arms circling my shoulders, and I let him comfort me. 

It feels so good, maybe even more so now that I know. I turn my body and wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my tear-soaked face into the soft flannel of his shirt. He smells like coffee and woodsmoke. Taking a deep breath, allowing a warmth spread through me.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” He whispers, his breath moving my hair, making my chest tighten. 

“This is such a fucking mess. I don’t know what to do.” 

“Neither do I.” Charlie brushes the hair out of my face, and kisses my forehead. “But I’ll do what ever you want to make it right.”

I take a deep breath, wiping the tears from my face, and straighten. The storm of hormones has passed, and my brain is functioning again. I look up into Charlie’s face. His eyebrows are wrinkled over his brown eyes in an expression that looks so much like Bella it’s like looking at her with a mustache, and I can’t help, but smile. 

Charlie’s my biological father. It’s weird, but not the end of the world. After all, he’s always been my family, Bella, too. Now, it’s just more official. My dad will always be Dad to me, but Charlie is more now. I have no clue how to define what that means, but I can work on it. That’ll be the easy part.

“You really mean that?” I ask, stepping back out of his arms and cross mine over my chest.

“Of course.” He insists, awkwardly tucking his hands in the pockets of his jeans. 

“Good, you get to tell my dad.” I can’t believe I managed to say it without cracking a smile. 

Charlie’s shoulder’s drop as he closes his eyes, and for the first time in my entire life I hear him swear. “Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my beta Krystal (myheroin01).


	34. Epilogue: Closer to Fine

“All of the shit is in the car.” Jane stands in the entryway, her backpack slung over her shoulder along with a pair of oversize sunglasses covering most of her face. 

Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, she is wearing one of Leah’s old t-shirts. At least, I assume it’s Leah’s, because it has the word fister on it, and as far as I am aware, Jane hasn’t explored sex with women. 

Not yet, anyway. 

“Language.” I snap, and can’t ignore how I sound exactly like Carlisle.

Jane just smirks, shaking her head and turns to Leah, who is doing a horrible job of covering her smile. “Check out big daddy over here.”  
“Be nice,” Leah chuckles, and lightly slaps Jane’s shoulder.

“Yeah, poor Edward’s been on swear patrol ever since Lizzie got in trouble at school for calling a classmate a penis head.” Alice walks past me, carrying a small cooler of what I assume is snacks for the trip, and gives Jane a little hip check as she passes on her way out the door.

“You can’t blame me for that,” Jane protests. “I’ve been at school.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t set a good example when you’re here.” I point out, and Jane responds by sticking out her tongue.

“Quit it, both of you.” Leah glares at me, and gently pushes Jane toward the stairs. “Go get your sister.”

I give up. There’s no winning with any of the women in my family. Not that I should be surprised by this in the least. I do a quick visual check of the living room and go over my mental check list. We should have everything we need. It’s not a long trip, but it always seems like we forget something. 

“Lizard, get your ass down here,” Jane screams from the bottom of the stairs, and I grind my teeth. 

I look up, ready to say something, but Leah already has her hand in the air. She shakes her head, gesturing for me to keep my mouth shut. 

I know she’s trying to keep the peace, but I’m on edge. This is always a bad time of year. I hoped to make things easier for Jane by going on a family trip for her birthday. Not too far, just down to Portland to visit Emmett and Rose, and check out their new house and business. It’s a distraction, and not a very good one. There’s no good way to avoid the pain of celebrating her birthday without facing the loss of her brother, but I have to try. If I don’t, I might have to deal with it myself, and some days I don’t know if I can. I thought time would change that, but it never does.

Leah’s face softens, and she walks over to me. “I know.” 

She pulls me into her arms, and I cling to her almost too tightly for a second. Then I get a hold of myself, and let out a shaky breath. I’m back in control. 

“Thank you,” I whisper against her cheek, and give her a quick kiss.

“Momma, can I bring Sparkle pants?” Lizzie runs up to us, holding her bright favorite toy.

Mister Charles Winchester Spark Pants the fourth, is a pink pony with glittering purple pants and lime green hair that Leah braided upon Lizzie’s request. The doll and it’s ridiculous name were a gift from Seth. Whenever I see the thing, I can’t help but smile, remembering the crazy Christmas we spent in La Push, our entire melded family crammed into Harry’s house. It was bit of mess, logistically speaking, but it was also one of the best times of my life. 

“Of course, baby.” Leah bends down to zip up Lizzie’s jacket, and I’m struck again by how much they look alike. 

Everyone tells me Lizzie has my mouth, and hands. Esme insist that she acts exactly like me, especially the way she idolizes Jane. “You were even worse with Emmett, had to do everything with him. The sun rose and set around your big brother.” 

“Come on, Lizard.” Jane holds out her hand, and Lizzie can’t get out of Leah’s grasp fast enough. 

She runs over to cling to her older sister’s hand, and smiles wide. Jane takes off her sunglasses and puts them on Lizzie’s face. As she looks down at Lizzie, I notice a hint of sadness in her smile.

She looks up at me, and I feel my chest tighten. There’s a moment when I’m tempted to go to her, to comfort her the same way Leah did for me. But Jane straightens in an instant, shakes her head and her smile is confident again.

“The princess crew will be chillin’ in the car, Daddy-o.” Jane gives me a wink, and leads Lizzie out the door. 

“Daddy-o?” Leah stands up and takes my hand. “For the record, she gets that from you.”

I smile, tightening my grip on my wife’s hand, and nod. “Damn right she does.”

“Language, Edward,” she scolds me with a smirk, and I gives her a smack on the ass in reply. “I’ll show you some language.”

“You better.” Leah laughs before heading out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my beta Krystal (myheroin01).


	35. Epilogue: New Day

We pull up to First Beach about a half hour before sunset. Late as usual. At least I was able to get Edward to agree to take the baby and my brother in his car. I’m pretty sure he’ll never forgive me, but we have the rest of our lives for him to get over it. This was a delicate situation, and I wanted to deal with it on my own.

“What in a fuck is she doing here?” I’ve barely put the car in park, before Jane is out of the car. 

“Fight,” Lizzie’s chants repeatedly, and practically bounces in her booster seat in the back.

I’d glare at her, but I’m too worried that Jane might actually get into a fight. Both these girls are a case of Karma kicking my ass. I hope like hell that Harrison doesn’t turn into a hellion like his sisters.

“Stay in the car,” I tell Lizzie, before climbing out of the car to chase after Jane, who is already in Lauren’s face.

I manage to get in between them, and yell, “I invited her.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Jane stares at me in shock.

“Calm your tits, and let me explain.” I try to gather my dignity, I am supposed to be the parent in this situation after all. 

“We’ve been in contact with Lauren for awhile now, and we decided to invite her to join us.”

“She barely knew him.” Despite her tone, I can already see the fight leaving her, and I move in a little closer. 

Lauren steps around me, speaking before I can. “I did know him, and I cared about him a lot.” 

I can hear the pain in Jane’s voice, as I reach out to take her hand. Her eyes are fixed on the ground. She looks like she wants to punch something. It’s like looking into my own face. Her anger and grief are like a magnet, drawing me into her personal space.

“Give us a minute, Lauren.” I wrap an arm around Jane’s waist and pull her away, walking down the beach toward the water.

“I’m not in the mood for a lecture.” Jane rubs at her eyes angrily, the gesture almost looks like she’s punching herself. 

“Shit, no. Who do I look like? Edward?” I laugh to cover for a second, she totally caught me. 

“You just have the mom face on,” she sighs, and leans against me while we walk. 

“Since my mother kicked serious ass, I’ll take that as a compliment.” 

She doesn’t say anything, just watches our feet sink into the sand as we walk along. I decide to give her a little space, and let go of her waist. We keep walking alone. The ocean making a low shushing sound as the water drags over the sand, leaving lines of foam in its wake. I remember drawing outlines of them in the sand with sticks when I was a kid. 

“I know I’m being a bitch, but...I don’t know. Sometimes, I just can’t stop myself.” The words burst out of her, along with fresh tears and I can feel my heart breaking while I watch it all tumble out. “I’m just so angry all the time, and I can’t keep it from getting out.”

“Then don’t.” A chill runs through me. 

It feels like I’ve stepped through time to talk to myself. When I open my mouth, my mother’s words come out. “Let it out, baby.”

She stares at me like I’m crazy, her bright blue eyes are impossibly wide and her cheeks are flushed pink. The wind tosses her hair around, slapping it against her face, in some wild, furious dance. It takes every ounce of self control in me to stay silent and not touch her. 

It starts with a soft, choked sob. The sound of the ocean and wind swallow it up, but there is no covering the way her face crumbles with the overflow of emotions. I step forward, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. 

“This is fucking stupid.” She shakes her head, letting out another hic-upped sob. “Shouldn’t I be over it by now? After all these years?”

I sigh, and hug her tight. “There is no getting over it. You’ll always hurt. You will always miss him, and think about him.”

“I don’t want to forget about him, I just don’t want it to hurt as much.” She pleads.

“That comes with time and living. Piling good days onto of the bad ones, until the good out weighs the bad.” I step back to look at her flushed, tear-stained face, and it’s like a strange photo-negative mirror. “But you need to stop bottling up this shit. If you don’t get the anger out it’s never going to stop, and that’s no way to live.”

She nods, sniffles and wipes at her face. “You make it sound easy.”

I laugh loudly, shaking my head. “Sometime, I’ll sit you down and explain just how not easy it is, baby. Trust me, it’s a bitch and a half, but you’re more than capable.”

Jane rolls her eyes, but there’s a proud smile grudgingly making an appearance as well. “You’re supposed to say that shit. It’s like in the mother code, or something.”

“Well, how else am I going to earn my free toaster oven?” I gently tug on a lock of her hair and the smile goes into full bloom, and the tightness in my chest eases a bit. 

The moment of motherly triumph is quickly broken by a small brown figure dashing across the beach. I turn and see little Harrison toddling toward the surf, like a little butterball on legs. Panic surges through every part of me, and I take off running without saying a word to Jane.

I scream his name, and fight the sand slipping beneath my feet to try to reach him. A towering mass runs past me. In seconds, Felix snatches Harrison up and spins him around. My suicidal toddler screams with joy and dissolves into fits of giggles. I’m so relieved that I’m nearly nauseous, but it doesn’t slow my pace. I reach Felix and carefully take Harrison from his hands. 

Harrison protests, slapping my face with a spit-wet baby fist. Ungrateful child, must be mine. I push his hand out of my face, shift him to my hip and give Felix a smile of gratitude. 

“Thanks.” I’m still a little breathless, and coming down from the adrenaline. 

It takes me a second to realize he’s not responding, or even looking at me. I glance over to see Jane standing right where I left her. She’s staring at him like he’s a mirage. Poor girl doesn’t stand a chance. I shouldn’t gloat, but it’s nice for someone else to be stupid in love for a change.   
“Good luck, buddy.” I mumble, mostly to myself, since he’s still staring at Jane like a starving man. 

I leave them to talk, while I join Edward and the rest of the group at the fire pit. Jasper and Sam are already building a fire. Both working in a friendly silence that reminds me of how alike they are really are. I suppose it should explain a lot about my weird relationship with both of them, but I don’t have time to dwell. 

“Sorry.” Edward jogs up to meet me, taking Harrison from me and gives me a kiss. “You know how wiggly this one can be.”

“We’re lucky Felix can run so fast.” I poke him in the chest, and wave Lizzie and Lauren over. “Come help me unload the blankets. 

Setting up the bonfire and seating doesn’t take long. We’re a small group, mostly people who knew Alec and Sam. After Sunset, Alice takes the kids to Bella and Jake’s place. Which is my cue to pull out the beers and enjoy some non-mom time. Jane takes my keys, before she goes to sit beside Felix. 

He called us a month ago, told us about how he would hopefully be returning to Seattle. The Seahawks were in talks with the Jets, trying to do some kind of trade for him. It was in the final stages, and he was pretty optimistic. It was Edward’s idea to invite him tonight, and I’m glad he made the call. I haven’t seen Jane this calm in years. There’s something about this guy that sets her at ease, and judging by the way he smiles when he looks at her, she makes him pretty happy. 

I remember when seeing two people like this used to annoy the shit out of me. Guess I’ve changed a lot, and good thing, too. Considering how much Edward and I still paw at each other, I’d be a giant hypocrite for pissing on Jane and Felix’s parade. 

Sam stands up, and starts his little speech. I guess it’s traditional, though this is only the second year we’ve held a bonfire for Alec at First Beach. Still, it feels right, like tradition. I lean my head against Edward’s shoulder and listen to Sam’s voice.

“While Alec was not a member of the tribe, he was family and that connection is not a small thing. We are all linked, whether it is by blood or love, the connection we share is everlasting. A person’s life is like a thread, weaving through several lives, binding us together, making us into something stronger and greater. When that person passes, even with the absence of the thread, we are still held together by his memory.” Sam looks at me across the fire and bows in a manner I have only ever seen done at ceremonies before sitting down.

A chill passes through me. I try to shake it off, but it’s hard to ignore the significance. Sam has been bugging me to join the Tribal Counsel for over a year now. Ever since I started working at the Indigenous Language Preservation Foundation with Clair and Esme. Edward and I are the primary contributors, upon his request. He says it makes him feel better about taking his family’s money.

Now, I’m in Sam’s sights, and he is like a dog with a bone. Acknowledging me in the way he just did, like one would to a chief, is meant to shake me up. He means business, and I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I am Sue Black’s daughter, after all. The thought makes me smile. I look around the fire at my family, and I feel proud. 

_I wish you could be here too, Mom._


End file.
